


Stepsiblings

by Raberba girl (Raberba_girl)



Series: All my alternate universe Kingdom Hearts fanfiction [5]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Adopted Children, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Alternate Universe - Children, Alternate Universe - Family, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - School, Alternate Universe - Siblings, Dysfunctional Family, Family Drama, Family Fluff, Parent-Child Relationship, Platonic Relationships, Romance, Stepsiblings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-01-14
Updated: 2014-02-22
Packaged: 2017-12-25 07:53:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 61
Words: 206,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/950599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raberba_girl/pseuds/Raberba%20girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Saïx and Xion's father is engaged to Axel and Roxas's mom. Saïx is not looking forward to gaining brothers, but he's just gonna have to get used to it. Modern AU, obviously platonic AkuSaiRokuShi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stepsiblings {Saix}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING for child abuse and other potentially sensitive subject matter in some chapters.

Stepsiblings

A Kingdom Hearts fanfic by Raberba girl

 

_Part 6 is dedicated to Infamousplot_

 

Summary:  Saïx & Xion's father is engaged to Axel & Roxas's mom. Saïx is not looking forward to gaining brothers, but he's just gonna have to get used to it. Modern AU, obviously platonic AkuSaiRokuShi.

 

**Part 1**

 

I am not one of those teenagers under the illusion that life should be fair, but that didn't mean I had to be happy about it.  "Axel can be in a tutoring session, partying with college girls, or setting something on fire for all I care.  Why do _I_ have to baby-sit his little brother when Xion's not even here?"

 

"Because I asked you to," Father said sternly.  "Xion may be at a slumber party, but we still need someone to watch Roxas while we're out, and you know we can't afford unnecessary expenses right now."

 

"Hiring a baby-sitter for a few hours is not going to make a difference in when you can get married," I muttered, but then winced.  I had inherited my eyes from Father.  Being able to freeze people in their tracks with a single look can be rather ego-inflating, but it's quite a different matter when you're the one on the receiving end.  I could practically _feel_ his golden glare burning into me, even though I was looking at the floor.  "All right.  All _right_.  I'll keep an eye on Roxas during your date."

 

"Excuse me?" Father rumbled in his dangerous voice.

 

I quickly forced myself to meet his eyes and schooled my voice to sound as compliant as I could get it.  "Forgive my disrespectful demeanor, sir.  I happily accept the charge that has been given me."

 

"Better.  Now get downstairs, we've kept them waiting far too long."

 

Lea was sitting on the living room sofa when we came in, the engagement ring gleaming on her hand as she held Roxas in her lap.  Though she was crooning to him as she stroked his hair, he still looked slumped and doleful.  His posture mirrored my own feelings.

 

"Darling!" Lea exclaimed happily when she saw my father.  He smiled in return, transforming his face.  "Are you ready to go?"

 

"At your word, my dear," he returned.  He had never been that doting with my own mother.

 

"Don't go away, Mommy," Roxas mumbled.

 

"Oh, _sweet_ heart," she murmured, squeezing him tight.  "Mommy's just gonna be gone for a little while, don't worry.  You're gonna have so much fun with Saïx that you won't even remember I'm gone, right?"

 

Roxas cast a doubtful look at me.  I did nothing to support his mother's claim.

 

"Saïx," Father growled.

 

I forced a smile onto my face.  "Yes.  We'll have lots of fun."

 

Roxas went pale and clung tighter to his mother, which rather amused me.  "I want Axel," he whimpered.  "Saïx is gonna eat me."

 

Well, that was a new one.

 

"Don't be silly, precious!  Saïx is a very nice young man, and besides, Axel's busy studying so he can pass the exams this time and not be grounded the rest of the school year.  He should be along in a little while.  Now, give Mommy a kiss and say good-bye."

 

"Don't wanna."

 

"Roxas, my sugarcake," Lea cooed, her voice oozing sweetness even as a hint of steel crept into it.  "Mommy really, really doesn't want to have to get mean, but--"

 

Roxas abruptly slid from her lap and ran upstairs.

 

Lea gave a rehearsed-sounding sigh.  I'm pretty sure she was going for exasperated affection.  "Children can be so silly...but, tee hee, that's why we love them!"  She smiled up at my father.  "Shall we go, darling?"

 

"Here's your coat, sweetheart," he said, holding it open for her without a trace of impatience in his expression.

 

I listened to them leave the way much younger children often strained to listen for their parents' return.  As soon as the sound of their car had faded into the distance, I went back up to resume work on the essay I had been trying to write for school.

 

I was not left in peace for long.  As soon as I heard my bedroom door creaking open, my grip tightened on _The Scarlet Letter_ in irritated anticipation.

 

"Saïx."

 

Ugh.  If Roxas always said people's names in that sullen little voice, I could start to see why Axel gushed over him like an idiot.  Unlike me, Axel had a weakness for cute things.

 

"You're supposed to be baby-sitting.  You have to come play with me."

 

"What I have to do is my homework.  Go away."

 

"You're mean."

 

"You catch on quickly."  I put the book down and started typing the quote I had needed and finally found.

 

"I'll tell Mommy that you left me all alone."

 

"Good.  Perhaps they won't trust me to baby-sit you in the future."

 

"I don't like you."

 

"The feeling is mutual."

 

"Don't use big words."

 

"It's not my fault you don't know what they mean."

 

"I'll ask Axel."

 

That made me smile.  "You can try, though I doubt he'll be able to help much with that small brain of his."

 

"Axel's smart," Roxas growled.  "He knows everything."

 

"Why is he in tutoring, then?"

 

There was a long pause.  Then I heard the sound of my door slamming shut, and Roxas giving it a violent kick.  I smiled again.

 

For a little longer, I was able to keep working undisturbed, but then a scream tore through my concentration.  I threw the book across my desk and ran downstairs, cursing.  I should have at least brought my work into the dining room, I shouldn't have let a five-year-old roam the house freely.  Lea would kill me when she returned, and then Father would make sure I had a miserable afterlife.

 

"Roxas!"

 

He sat on the hearth next to a bag of marshmallows, cradling his hand against his chest with huge moist eyes.

 

"What did you _do_?!"

 

He said nothing, but the little fire crackling in the grate was answer enough.  I snatched him up, marched into the kitchen, sat him on the counter beside the sink, turned the cold water on, then tried to wrestle his injury free.  "Give me your hand."

 

"Don't hurt me."

 

"I'm trying to _help_ you.  Give me your hand!"

 

"No!  Don't hurt me!"

 

I pried his left arm away and pinned it to the side, trying to maneuver his right hand into the stream of water.  "Is this the one you hurt?  Come _on_ , Roxas, we need to be quick."

 

"Stop it!  Mommy!"

 

"Be quiet, your mother's gone."

 

That was when the tears he had been holding in his eyes began to slip down his face.  "I want Axel," he whispered.

 

"All you've got is me.  Deal with it."  We did not speak for a while, the sound of running water the only thing to break the silence.  Finally, I pointed out, "It doesn't hurt, does it?"

 

He looked away sullenly.  I cautiously let go of his left arm, which he rested in his lap.  At least he wasn't stupid enough to try to fight me again.

 

"All right, I'm going to put some ice on it now," I said, turning off the faucet.

 

"Don't--"

 

"I'm _not_."  It had been foolish to let him be frightened of me earlier.  Of course he didn't trust me now, when I needed him to.  "Here's a washcloth.  Dry your hand."

 

By the time I had wrapped up a few ice cubes, his face was starting to pucker.  "It hurts," he whimpered.

 

I took his hand and gently pressed the bundle of ice against the swollen white welts that had formed on his palm.  "Well, that's what happens when you stick your hand in a fire."

 

"I didn't stick my hand in the fire!" he cried indignantly.  "I'm not _stupid_!"

 

"How did you burn yourself, then?" I challenged.

 

He looked away again and muttered, "Didn't know the poker would get hot that fast."

 

He was so small.  Of course he wouldn't have enough strength to wield the implement by its handle.  "Well.  Now you know."

 

Without looking at me, he reached out his free hand until he had grasped my sleeve.  Then, to my surprise, he tugged me closer and put his face against my shirt.  I couldn't understand why until he began to make quiet, very muffled sobs.  With a resigned sigh, I rested my own free hand against his back, patting him like my mother had used to do to comfort me when I was very small.

 

After I went to all the trouble of bringing my schoolwork downstairs and setting up one of my sister's Disney videos for Roxas, he ended up falling asleep on the couch beside me about fifteen minutes into the movie.  Since it was too much effort to relocate back upstairs, I turned the volume down until it served as white noise rather than a distraction, and continued working.

 

It was nearly 10:00 when a car pulled into the driveway.  I went to go open the door before Axel could even start his usual obnoxious doorbell-ringing.  "Here, this is yours," I said, thrusting the still half-asleep Roxas into his brother's arms.  Good riddance.

 

"Rox-my-socks!" Axel exclaimed.  I resisted the temptation to roll my eyes in response to the most idiotic nickname ever inflicted on a child.  "You fell asleep, buddy?"

 

Roxas blinked sleepy blue eyes at him.  "Axel."  He pushed his bandaged hand up in front of Axel's face.  "Look."

 

I went back to unplug my laptop and pick up my papers.

 

"Ehhhh, what happened to you?!"

 

Had to get out of the room before Axel found out....

 

"Me and Saïx tried to toast marshmallows, like you showed me last time."

 

I froze in surprise, nearly dropping the laptop cord that was bunched messily under my arm.

 

"You and _Saïx_ tried to toast _marshmallows_?"

 

I looked up to find Axel staring at me in understandable astonishment.  "Roxas burned his hand on the poker," I said.  Not a lie.  But why in the world had Roxas...?

 

"You burned your _hand_?"  He sounded exactly like a horrified mother exclaiming over her injured child.

 

"Yeah, but Saïx fixed it."

 

"I applied ice," I corrected, finally managing to get all my things gathered in my arms.  "He still has blisters."

 

"Aw, man, let me see, kiddo."

 

I was finally able to escape back to my room as Axel began to gently unfasten the bandage.

 

It was difficult to concentrate.  Just when I managed to calm my thoughts and get back into writing again, there were footsteps in the hall, and my door burst open without being knocked upon first.  "I'm taking Roxas home now," Axel announced.

 

"Good," I said through gritted teeth, not bothering to turn around.

 

Axel walked farther into the room.  "Saïx," he declared, "I've decided that I don't hate you anymore."

 

"I'm thrilled.  Now go away."

 

"Yup," he continued, completely ignoring me as he sat on the edge of my desk.  "You're still a stuck-up nerdy rich boy, but anyone who'll take care of my little brother the way you did can't be all bad."

 

"I happen to need that symbolism chart you're sitting on."

 

To my surprise, he pointed at my face and said triumphantly, "I knew it!  Your 'Rawr, I'm a jerk' thing is an act."

 

" _What_?"

 

"Your cheeks are all pink."

 

"They are NOT," I growled, just barely stopping myself in time from raising a hand to my face.  "And just so the record is straight, Roxas got hurt in the first place because I was holed up in my room, neglecting to notice that he was _starting a fire_ downstairs."

 

"Yeah, that was dumb of you," he said readily, smacking a fist against the side of my head.  "Dumb of him, too, but since I already chewed him out and forgave him, I guess I'll forgive you, too."  He hopped off my desk, scattering papers in his wake.  "Well.  Like I said, gotta run.  I'll see you around, Sai."

 

I turned around in my seat to face him as he walked out the door.  "Do _not_ call me that."

 

"Fine, guess I'll have to settle for Sai-in-the-sky, then," he called back, already down the hall.

 

"Axel!"  If he was this bad now, I could just imagine how nightmarish it was going to be once we became brothers.  " _Axel_!"

 

**Part 2**

 

A few weeks later, I woke up to the sound of my sister's warbling voice.  "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...!"

 

Groaning, I rolled over and blearily tried to focus on her.  "Xion?"

 

Her face broke into a smile as she stood there beside my bed with a tray in her hands.  "Happy birthday, dear Saïx, happy birthday to YOU!" she finished, _much_ too enthusiastically for this hour of the morning.

 

"Ugh, go away...."

 

"I can't go away, it's your birthday!"

 

"Xion--"

 

"Sit up!"  She put the tray on my bedside table, not even seeming to notice that she had knocked off my radio clock and cell phone in the process, then climbed onto my bed.  She seized my arm and a handful of my hair.

 

"OW!"

 

"Sit up, sit up, sit up!"

 

I surged up, seized her, and pinned her to the bed, wanting to hit her.  Unfortunately, I'd either have to settle for something stupid like tickling, or be mature and refrain from retaliation.  "Don't do that," I growled.

 

She giggled a little nervously.  "Sai-Sai, it's your birthday!  Happy birthday!  I made breakfast for you!"  She pointed.

 

I looked over at the tray, paying attention to it for the first time.  On it was a package of Pop-Tarts, a bowl of cereal that had already gone soggy, one of the plastic sippy cups that Xion had grown out of, and an ice cream bowl containing a slightly battered yellow dandelion resting in water.

 

"Ta-da!"  Wriggling out of my loosened grip, Xion stood up on the bed again, pushed me until I had moved to sit against the headboard, then carefully picked up the tray and set it on my lap.  "This is your special day, so you get to eat breakfast in bed," she announced importantly.

 

I sighed.  This was not something we had ever done in our family, so she must have picked it up from somewhere else.  "Xion, you watch far too much television.  We don't do breakfasts in bed."

 

"Yes, we do!" she cried.  "Roxas says that every time someone in his family has a birthday, they get breakfast in bed!"

 

"Roxas's family is not our family."

 

"Well, they _will_ be," she pouted.

 

I winced.  "Don't remind me."

 

"Why would I have to remind you?  I thought you already knew that.  Daddy's gonna marry Lea, and she and Roxas and Axel will come live with us, and we'll all live happily ever after!"

 

"Your definition of 'happily ever after' differs drastically from mine."

 

"You're so grumpy.  Sai-Sai, can I have one of your Pop-Tarts?"

 

"Not if you call me 'Sai-Sai'."

 

She tipped forward and caught herself with her hands on my shoulders, causing the tray to wobble dangerously.  "Saïx, my best big brother in the whole wide world, pleeeeaaaase let me have a Pop-Tart?"

 

"Just take them both."  I had a great disdain for the things, anyway; Xion was the only one in our family who ever ate them.

 

"Yay!  I love you!"  She kissed me, then plopped down on the bed and reached for the silvery package.

 

"Ugh."  I scrubbed at my cheek, wishing that my sister wasn't so...little sisterish.

 

After struggling with the package for a minute, she held it out.  "Sai-Sai - I mean, Saïx, best big brother in the world, can you please open this for me?"

 

I did so.

 

"Yay!  I love you!"

 

"Stop saying that."

 

"Well, it's true.  Here, eat your cereal," she said eagerly, pushing the bowl and its disgusting milk-drowned contents closer to me.

 

"How about _you_ try eating it?" I challenged.

 

"But it's yours!"

 

"Take a bite of it.  I dare you," I added, having learned that this was often an effective persuasion for some reason.

 

She peered doubtfully into the bowl.  "I don't want to eat it.  It looks gross."

 

"Yet you expect _me_ to eat it?"

 

"Well...I guess not.  Drink your juice, then!"

 

Reluctantly, I unscrewed the lid of the sippy cup and swallowed a little bit of orange juice.  At least it tasted fine, though Xion was sadly lacking in vessel-choosing skills.

 

"Do you like your flower?" she asked.

 

"It's a weed."

 

"It's a _flower_!  It was the only one I could find.  Daddy gets mad if I pick the bigger ones."

 

It was true, I remembered.  Father never allowed Xion even to come near his professionally tended flower beds.  It was true that young children of Xion's age were destructive, but....

 

I lifted the dandelion out of its ice cream bowl, shaking off the excess water.  "You're right, it is a flower."

 

Her eyes widened.  "I...I'm right?"

 

"Yes."  I looked at her.  For the first time this morning, I was beginning to realize how thoughtful it had been of her to prepare all this.  She was ludicrously bad at it, but...she had done it all for me.  Besides, she was only six years old, it was her first time attempting something like this, and she had done it all without help.  "Thank you, Xion."

 

Her eyes lit up.  "You like it, Saïx?"

 

"Yes.  You may give me a hug, if you wish."

 

She threw her arms around my neck, and I was quite surprised at how little I minded when the trayful of various liquids went flying.

 

**Part 3**

 

"Hey, Saïx, there's a weed stuck to your shirt."

 

"Your powers of observation are astonishing."  I finished stacking my textbooks and shut the door of my locker.

 

"Wait, you mean you seriously came to school with a dandelion pinned to your shirt on _purpose_?!"

 

Axel never did know when to drop a subject.  "I need to get to class.  Go find your actual friends and stop pestering me."

 

"Dude!  School doesn't start for another twenty minutes!"

 

"Chemistry tutoring, on the other hand, started ten minutes ago."  Trust that sister of mine to make me late, though even the apprehension of looking so irresponsible wasn't enough to ruin my good mood.

 

 _Of course_ Axel followed me down the hall.  "What the heck?  I saw your last report card, you got a B in chemistry!  Why d'you need tutoring?!"

 

"Because it's not an A."

 

"Geez, you're such a perfectionist!  There's nothing wrong with a B, Saïx."

 

"Tell that to my father."

 

He actually stopped walking for a minute, falling several paces behind.  Then I heard his rushed footsteps as he ran to catch up to me.  "Saïx.  Wait a second.  Hold up.  Is he expecting _me_ to start making all A's once we move in with you guys?"

 

This time, it was my turn to stop.  I met Axel's anxious gaze squarely, and smiled.  "I'm going to give you a piece of brotherly advice:  Study hard."  I continued on again, listening in satisfaction to Axel's outraged swearing echoing through the hall behind me.

 

I received strange looks and nosy questions about the dandelion all day, but one golden-eyed glare was almost always enough to get them to shut up.  This little scrap of good humor belonged to me and her, no one else.

 

After school, as had become our practice, Axel and I walked together to go pick up the children.  Xion caught sight of us as we were signing them out with the after school care supervisor at the head of the playground.  She came flying toward us with a beaming face and outstretched arms, Roxas right on her heels.

 

"Saïx!  You came for me!"

 

I frowned, a little puzzled.  "Why wouldn't I?  I always come for you."

 

"Heeeeyyy, Rox-my-socks!"

 

"Axel!"

 

Xion and I looked over as Axel swept up his younger brother into his arms with one easy movement, both of them laughing and practically radiating affection.  Xion stared at them so longingly that I finally sighed and placed my hands under her arms.  Her eyes shot to me in surprise.

 

"Come."

 

A huge smile broke over her face and she gave a little hop, allowing me to easily swing her up and rest her weight against my hip.  "How was school today?" I thought to ask.

 

"It was fun!  We learned about--"  She suddenly broke off.  "That's my flower!" she exclaimed in amazement, reaching out gently to touch what was left of the dandelion's tiny, battered yellow petals.  "You...you really wore it all day?"

 

"I said I would.  I find it insulting that you think I wouldn't keep my word."

 

Her eyes filled with tears, which surprised me until she wrapped her arms around my neck and squeezed tightly.  "I love you, big brother," she whispered in my ear.

 

Finding it difficult to breathe through her crushing embrace, I looked up to find the other two watching us with infuriatingly knowing grins.  I narrowed my eyes at them in my fiercest glare, causing Roxas to hide his face against his brother's shoulder, but Axel only laughed.

 

**Part 4**

 

"Angelic" was not a word I would have ever thought to use in conjunction with my younger sister.  However, watching Xion pace ceremoniously down the chapel's central aisle at our father's wedding, seeing the look on her face as she scattered flower petals with all the grace of a queen....

 

Well.  Let's just say that, for whatever inexplicable reason, that was the first term that came to mind.  _'I'm glad she's not embarrassing us,'_ I thought.  Then felt just the smallest bit guilty as she spared a smile for me before taking her place among the bridesmaids.

 

At the reception afterwards, I was trying to convince Lea's irritatingly uncouth cousin that my facial scars were _not_ the result of a gang fight, when Axel suddenly barged up between us and seized my arm.  Not that I recognized him at first - the image of Axel in a formal suit was just too bizarre for me to get used to.  "Sai!  You gotta come see what my little brother and your little sister are doing!"

 

 _'So much for not embarrassing us.'_   However, my apprehension was abated (slightly) when we approached the dance floor and passed a cluster of variously-aged cooing females huddled near one corner of it.

 

"Ooohh, they are so _cute_!"

 

"That has got to be the most adorable thing I've seen at a wedding."

 

"Mom, you're filming this, right?"

 

"Awww, they are absolutely _precious_!"

 

By the time Axel and I got a good view, the children had paused.  "No, Roxas," Xion commanded, "you have to stop doing that!  _I_ know the steps, so I'm the boy; you don't know how to dance, so you have to be the girl and let me lead."

 

"I'm not a girl," Roxas objected.

 

"You're the girl _in the dance_.  If you try to dance against me, you'll mess it up!"

 

"But--"

 

"Come on, Roxas," Axel called.  "Be a man and be the girl."  He laughed at his own remark, which had been too witless to even qualify as a bad joke.

 

"Just relax and don't try to steer," Xion instructed.  "Feel where I'm moving you."

 

Roxas sighed.  "Okay."

 

They began to dance again, their two tiny figures now waltzing around their corner of the dance floor with all the grace that could be expected of a five-year-old and a six-year-old.

 

It felt strange, watching them together.  "Axel," I finally murmured.  "What you said earlier was wrong."

 

"Huh?"

 

"He's not just your brother, and she's not just my sister.  Not anymore."

 

Axel smiled at me, catching on at once.  "Yeah.  They're ours, right?"

 

I sighed.  "Unfortunately, yes."

 

Axel punched me lightly in the shoulder.  "Why's that 'unfortunate,' bro?"

 

I hesitated, wondering if I should settle for the obvious retort...but, no.  Just this once, at our parents' wedding, I would give him the truth.  "Because it gets harder when there's more to care about."

 

I expected him to laugh and make some flippant remark, not merely nod and agree, "That's true."  Then he smiled and held out his hand.  "Dance with me."

 

**Part 5**

 

I woke up on a Saturday morning to find Roxas in my bed _again_.  "Wake up.  Wake UP."

 

I had all but shoved him to the floor when he finally opened his eyes.  "Hi, Saïx," he mumbled sleepily.

 

"Go back to your own room and don't ever let me catch you in here again," I hissed.

 

He blinked muzzily at the windows, which were growing bright with the rise of the sun.  "'Kay," he agreed, as if that meant anything.  He wandered away.

 

I got to my feet and climbed up to haul Axel out of bed.  He was even worse than Roxas - he didn't wake up until I had tossed him to the floor and kicked him a few times.

 

"Stop kicking me," he mumbled, curling up.

 

"Axel, I'm fed up with this.  We're switching bunks."

 

He peered up at me blearily.  "What?  Why?"

 

"Because that idiot little brother of yours keeps coming in here every time he has a nightmare and crawling into bed with _me_ , since he's too lazy to climb up to you."

 

"So?  You're his big brother, too, right?"  Axel climbed into my bed - well, his, now.  The lower bunk.  "Way too early for this, Sai.  I'll see you around noon."  He pulled my pillow over his head and went back to sleep.

 

"Axel!"

 

**Part 6**

You would think that a kindergartener and a first grader couldn't get far on their own.  Yet they were not on the playground or anywhere on campus or in any of the streets and yards we searched, and finally Axel gasped out "I need a break" and just sat down on the sidewalk as if he was too tired to take another step.

 

I stared down at him.  He had seemed far more upset than I was over the disappearance of our siblings, and I currently had too much adrenaline in my blood to even think of wanting to rest.  How could he want to do this _now_ , before we had found the children?  "Hurry," I said.

 

I was soon pacing impatiently, resenting the wasted time.  There were too many unpleasant possibilities for what those two could be up to by now, or what had happened to them, while we were just _idling_ here uselessly....

 

The temptation to kick him was growing stronger.  "Get up.  You've had enough time."  He did not respond.  I stooped down to seize his shoulder, and was startled at the noise he made.  He had not been resting after all.

 

Crouching there in indecision, I finally settled myself and relaxed my grip on his shoulder.  "Axel," I said, trying to make my voice gentle.  "The sooner we can get back to searching, the sooner we'll find them.  It does no good to linger here."

 

"He means _everything_ to me," Axel managed, finally breaking down completely once he had spoken aloud.  I could barely understand him when he added, "I'll _die_ if I lose Roxas."

 

"Don't be ridiculous.  For one thing, they might not even be in danger.  We won't know unless you _get up now_ and help me keep looking."  I paused.  "At the very least, just follow me while _I_ look."  Somehow, it didn't feel right to simply abandon him there in his grief, even if that would make my job easier.

 

Axel wiped at his face, trying to pull himself together.  "No.  I'm helping, too.  Just g-give...give me a minute...."

 

By the time it finally occurred to me to check the abandoned property behind the elementary school, we had discovered the hole in the fence that a reasonably-sized six-year-old could squeeze through, we had scaled the fence, and were met with the sight of his brother and my sister scampering around in oblivious contentment, Axel's mood had swayed from extreme distress to outright fury.

 

"I'LL KILL YOU," he bellowed.

 

Both children screamed as if they thought he was playing, fleeing up into a tree house that looked like it had been constructed decades ago.

 

Axel surged forward, but I quickly put a hand on his shoulder to restrain him.  "Axel.  Calm yourself.  Let me handle this."

 

"Get Roxas down here so I can _thrash_ him," Axel snarled.

 

"Shut up and go wait over there."

 

Axel whirled and stomped over to the porch of the dilapidated house, hurling himself down and turning his back like a sulking child.

 

I climbed up the tree house steps carefully, hearing them creak under my feet.  Fearing that each step might give way beneath me, I held on tightly with my hands and rested as much weight as I could on my arms when I got to the top.

 

Xion and Roxas were crouched together at the far end of the tree house's dim interior, giggling in anticipation as they watched me.

 

I gazed steadily at them until their smiles had faded.  Roxas caved quickly; Xion, more used to my and our father's strange eyes, lasted a little longer, but eventually she, too, grew silent and apprehensive.

 

My voice was quiet when I spoke.  "You told no one where you were going."

 

Xion immediately began to squirm, recognizing that she was in trouble, but Roxas was not as familiar with me yet.  "'Course not," he said defiantly.  "They would have stopped us."

 

" _Obviously_ ," I agreed, so cuttingly that he wilted and shifted a little, as if trying to hide behind Xion.  "Did it ever occur to either of you that it might be _important_ for the adults to know where you are?"

 

Xion knew when to give in.  "S-Saïx, I'm sor-ry," she wailed, large tears starting to roll down her cheeks.

 

"Grown-ups just ruin all the fun," Roxas muttered sullenly.

 

"Saïx, don't tell Daddy!" Xion sobbed.  "Please don't tell Daddy!"

 

"You say this, yet I don't see you making any attempt--"

 

She immediately scrambled toward me.  I grasped her arm firmly near the shoulder, supporting her as she threw her legs over the edge of the tree house floor.  Then I swung her down, letting go at the moment when she could drop lightly to the ground with the most ease.  I fixed my gaze on Roxas again.

 

He shrank back.  "Go away."

 

"Your brother was worried."

 

A little remorse finally began to creep into his expression.  "I--  We--  Nothing bad happened."

 

" _We didn't know that._   How were we supposed to know that?"

 

There was a long pause.  "Is Axel mad at me?" Roxas finally whispered.

 

"He wasn't joking when he said he wanted to kill you."

 

The boy's face drained of color.  Recognizing this as the moment to back off, I returned to the ground and looked at Xion, who retreated a few steps but continued to fix her huge pleading eyes on my face.  She flinched a little but didn't resist when I took hold of her chin and leaned close, forcing her to keep meeting my gaze.  "Never do that again."

 

"I won't," she whimpered.  "I won't, I won't, I won't, Saïx do you still love me?"

 

My grip loosened in surprise.  She immediately wrapped her arms around my waist and hid her face against my stomach, starting to cry in earnest.  "Xion...I...."  Awkwardly, I rested both hands against her back.  "Yes."

 

I looked up to find Roxas creeping cautiously past me.  As soon as he saw me glance at him, he bolted away, slowing down when he approached his brother.  "Axel?"

 

"I'm too mad to even look at you right now," Axel growled, his back still turned and his arms now crossed.

 

Roxas stood there in complete dismay.  "Axel!  Axel, don't be mad, I didn't mean to--!"

 

"Shut up!" Axel yelled.

 

Roxas's shoulders hunched.  Then he crept close and hesitantly grasped a bit of Axel's sleeve in his hand.  "Alexa," he whispered, "I'm really, really sorry."

 

There was a long pause.  Then Axel whirled on him, his turn now to look horrified.  "I told you never to call me that in front of Saïx!"

 

I raised an eyebrow.  "Alexa?"

 

"He couldn't say my name right when he was a baby!" Axel fumed as Xion began to giggle.

 

"Alexa's a girl's name," she pointed out.

 

" _Thank_ you for letting me know that, Xion," Axel said in exasperation.

 

"Alexa's still easier to say," Roxas mumbled.

 

I sighed.  "Well, I'll have to save that interesting piece information for future use.  Right now, it's getting late, and Father will be home soon--"  It was amazing how fast my sister and brothers could move when they had the right motivation.

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  I take no credit for the "Alexa" bit. XD

 

Let's just ignore the fact that Sai's dad is rich enough for each of the four kids to have their own bedroom....

 

This fic was originally supposed to be for _Fire & Moonlight_.  I had envisioned making the "Yours," "Mine," & "Ours" themes a set of three focusing on AkuSaiRokuShi (with the titles referring to Roxas & Xion from Saïx's perspective), but I had a huge fight with the word limit.  There was just no way I could fit the concept into a grand total of 1,800 words, even when I tried making "short" and "long" versions.  I was very upset for a while, but eventually I came up with a completely different idea for that set, and decided to just post these stepsibling stories together as an unrelated, multi-part one-shot.  I guess I'll grudgingly admit that it's better this way, but it was incredibly frustrating to get to this point. *sigh*

 

Anyway.  My KH OTP is platonic AkuSai, my OT3 is platonic AkuRokuShi, so I guess it was inevitable that they'd eventually produce an OT4 together. ^^;

 

...I didn't intend for Xemnas to be Saïx's dad.  I don't WANT Xem to be Sai's dad, ugh.  But...the way I wrote it...he very well could be. DX  _But he doesn't have to be_ , so there!

...Though if their dad really is Xem, then they definitely also have an Uncle Xigbar. XD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This series also has lots of illustrations - most of them I commissioned from devART artists, but others were gifts from readers or I drew them myself. See my deviantART profile for details (my username is "raberbagirl").


	2. Fire & Moonlight: The Chapter of Fail {Third person Saix & Axel}

**_Stepsiblings_ : A Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Fire & Moonlight** **-** **The Chapter of Fail**

 

Summary:  Raberba girl fails the challenge and has a meltdown.

 

A/N:  YOU KNOW WHAT, I GIVE UP.

 

**82\. Yours**

 

Once upon a time, there was a teenage boy named Saïx.  "Axel," he said, shoving five-year-old Roxas in his direction, "this is yours."

 

"Thanks, Saïx!" Axel said.

 

To be continued!

 

**83\. Mine**

 

Saïx held up six-year-old Xion.  "And this is mine," he added.

 

"I like her!  She is very cute."

 

"Your compliment is accepted."

 

To be continued again!

 

**84\. Ours**

 

"Together," both boys proclaimed, "they are OURS!"

 

The end.

 

Author's Notes:  GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH.  Just go read "Stepsiblings."  While you do that, I'm going to curl up in this corner here and cry while nursing all the bruises I got from headdesking so hard over this set. -.-

 

Seriously, though.  The "Ours" prompt induced honest-to-God liquid in my eyes, the word count limit was _that frustrating_.

 

Complete, sort of, not really:  84/101.  Next:  "Who" a.k.a. "The Return To Actual Challenge Participation"

 

DX ;; DX ;; DX ;; DX ;; DX

 

Author's Notes:  LOL, I had fully intended to post this as part of _Fire & Moonlight_ when I first wrote it. XD  Luckily, a new plot bunny for the challenge showed up pretty quickly, but sad and lame and ridiculous as this is, it still kind of makes me laugh. ^^;  This is why I'm sticking it onto the end here instead of deleting it like I definitely should.


	3. Another Side {Axel}

Stepsiblings: Another Side

**(ROUGH DRAFT)**

A Kingdom Hearts fanfic by Raberba girl

 

_Dedicated to Taliax, who inspired me to continue. ^^_

 

Summary:  Saïx & Xion's father is engaged to marry Axel & Roxas's mom. This version is from Axel's perspective.

 

Introduction to the rest of the series:  I already mentioned in the original _Stepsiblings_ story how I came to write this series.  Although I vaguely thought that I might later get some more ideas for AkuSaiRokuShi stories in the same universe, I didn't have anything specific in mind.  Then, talking with Taliax got me more interested in writing about Saïx's mother and his uncle Xigbar, and I also realized that of all the possible AkuSaiRokuShi pairs, AkuShi was the only one that got left out, so I wanted to fill that gap.  I figured that if I was going to be writing another installment anyway, then I might as well do an "Another Side" parallel version from Axel's POV.  Then suddenly I got FLOODED with ideas for more stories, and now I'm hopelessly trying and failing to keep up.  I thought at first that I'd try to complete the series before posting, but it's just gotten too long and is still growing and I can't write fast enough, so I finally gave up and decided to just start posting stories even though not all of them are ready.  They're supposed to pretty much be standalones, anyway.

 

This first sequel is basically the "pilot episode" as told from Axel's POV as opposed to Saïx's.  I ended up doing one for Roxas as well, so it only seems fair that Xion should get a turn, too (I'm trying to write hers, it's just giving me more trouble than the boys' versions did).  After that is an exposition story that I'll need to get posted quickly, and then I can start on the rest.  There's an awful lot of Christmas ones. *sweatdrop* I was also thinking of trying out a couple of drabble challenges set in this universe.

 

I'm pretty sure I'm going to divide this into three sub-series.  This one here is the main one, and I'll try to keep it focused on AkuSaiRokuShi fluff.  Once Axel & Saïx get older and move away, the dynamics and focus change a lot, so I thought I should group those stories separately (they'll involve a lot more of the KH cast).  I'll also need yet another separation for the darker fics...for example, Axel & Saïx did not have great childhoods, and I felt uncomfortable letting those stories too close to the cuter ones in this series, so I'm going to separate those as well.

 

 **Let's talk about Saïx & Xion's father.  Xem is _modeled_ after Xemnas - same looks, imagery, associations, etc. - but I do not consider them to be the same character.  I did not intend for Saïx's father to be Xemnas, and for some reason, I find the thought of that really disturbing.  However, Xemnas's looks/imagery/etc. fit well with the story, so I maintain that the Xem in this series is either an "OC" based on Xemnas, or a completely and totally OOC Xemnas.**   If I'd intended to include the real Xemnas, I would have written him much differently.

**I almost always prioritize characterization over everything else, but I found myself making an exception for this series.  In these stories, I tend to emphasize thematic material over trying to get everyone as perfectly IC as I can.  Saïx in particular kept throwing me off, though a lot of that had to do with the fact that this is an AU where he's a complete being rather than a Nobody.**

 

**Part 1**

 

It's Roxas's fault that Mom abandoned me at my 11th birthday party.

 

Not that I mind _now_ , of course; but back then, I was pretty ticked.  I already kind of resented that bump in Mom's stomach anyway, and then when we were still kind of setting up and only a couple of people had arrived, all of a sudden Mom starts yelling about broken water.

 

So Dad (not that I was calling him "Dad" yet back then) rushed her to the hospital and left me behind with Demyx and Gippal and a living room full of balloons.  With First-Cousin-Once-Removed-But-I-Just-Call-Him-Uncle Reno and his friend Rude as the only adults in charge.  Yeah.  Basically, I had a sulk-fest, my friends cheerfully tore the place apart, and there was a fire truck and a couple of police cars involved by the end of it.

 

That's not what I remember most about the week of my 11th birthday, though.  The memory that stands out to me like a beacon is Mom and Dad bringing their new kid home from the hospital.

 

I was just sitting there watching TV, minding my own business.  Mom and Dad came in looking harassed, because apparently their bundle of joy hadn't stopped squalling the entire way home.  Everyone was fussing over Mom, someone dumped the baby in my arms, and just as I was leaning away from the constant screeching and trying to figure out how to get rid of the baby, he suddenly got quiet.  Yawned the most adorable tiny yawn and snuggled quietly against my chest like he trusted me completely.

 

That was the moment when I decided that I was going to be the best big brother in the universe, or die trying.

 

**Part 2**

 

Roxas is a smart kid.  Mom doesn't believe me and still keeps freaking out at the merest _hint_ of matches or lighters coming anywhere near her baby, but she really is overreacting.  I'm teaching him.  I would never let Roxas get hurt or in trouble, I'm not _stupid_.

 

"Good.  Now remember, don't hold the match head down, because the flame will eat the stick faster and then try to bite your fingers.  You gotta always keep the sulfur high, got it memorized?"

 

"Yeah," he murmurs, his face scrunched in concentration.

 

"That's right, just brush it against the very edges--"

 

"I _know_."

 

I laugh and try to back off.  "All right, all right, just checking."

 

He touches the flame gently against the corners of crumpled newspaper, not lingering once he sees that they've caught the fire.  Then he tosses the match among the other sticks and settles back into my lap.

 

Together, we watch in silence for a while as the fire grows like a curious living creature, licking uncertainly at the wood like it's not sure what to do with it yet.  Then it figures it out and pounces, eagerly feeding, casting the once-dark wood into an intense red glow.

 

It's beautiful.  Soothing, even.  I could watch for hours.

 

"Is it big enough to toast marshmallows now?"

 

I laugh.  "Yeah, I guess so.  Here."  I pick up one of the skewers, stick a marshmallow on the end, and hand it to my brother.

 

**Part 3**

 

So apparently Mom's serious enough about this one to want us to meet his kids.

 

"I don't care _how_ many boys my age he's got, I don't want anything to do with them."

 

"Axel, _please_.  It will be fun!  We're going to enjoy ourselves at Wonder World today and get to know each other better--"

 

"Mom, he's got the creepiest eyes ever.  What do you see in that guy?"  The next bit shoots out without getting permission from my brain first.  "Besides his money, that is."

 

Her eyes narrow, and I focus on not flinching as she raises her hand, but she catches herself before actually hitting me.  "I want a better life for you and Roxas," she says tightly, clasping her hands together in a deliberate way.  "I'm through with running after men just for their looks or charm."

 

"So now you want someone with pretty hair who flatters you AND has money."

 

Her jaw clenches.  "Axel, you are really pushing it," she grinds out.

 

Yeah, I kinda am.  The thing is, I'm angry, too.  It's bad enough having to stress out over keeping Roxas safe and figuring out how to explain things when the boyfriends are all in the background.  What am I supposed to do when she tries to make this guy a part of our lives as well as hers?

 

"Mom," I say as a compromise, "can you even _picture_ Mr. Glowy Eyes running around an amusement park?  I'm telling you, he'll be a total killjoy."

 

"You only think that because you barely know him!"

 

"Even if I did, I reeeaaally doubt I'd be impressed."

 

We meet at a fast food restaurant near the outer edge of the parking lot.  As usual, my family's running late, and Mom shoves us out of the car in a breathless rush.

 

Xem is instantly noticeable as soon as we walk in.  He's sipping coffee and filling out paperwork - _in a fast food joint_ , with an open briefcase on the seat beside him and everything.  And he's wearing a _suit_.  He is seriously expecting to frolic around an amusement park all day in a _freaking business suit_?

 

The guy across from him - takes a minute to realize he's about my age - is only a little better, wearing slacks and a button-down shirt with his nose buried in _The Grapes of Wrath_.  Yeah, hanging out with these freaks is gonna be a blast.

 

The next instant, however, I notice something else:  a small, dark-haired figure in a purple dress, with a smear of ketchup on her cheek, munching on French fries as she gallops a sparkly purple My Little Pony over the tabletop.

 

She is the second most adorable thing I have ever seen in my life.  And I've got the strangest urge to snatch her up and rescue her from the sorry excuse for a family she seems to have been saddled with.

 

"Neigh, neigh!" she calls softly, trotting the pony up her brother's shoulder.  "Quick, get up the mountain before the dragon comes!"

 

He brushes her away without even looking up from his book.  "Stop that."

 

Instant hate.  I am never going to get along with this guy, _ever_.

 

"Xem!" Mom calls, hurrying over.  He looks up almost curiously.  "Oh, Xem, I am so sorry, I didn't mean to be late again, it's just that there was something wrong with our water heater this morning and the boys were driving me crazy, Roxas was being picky about breakfast and Axel just _refused_ to get out of bed...."

 

Thanks, Mom.

 

Xem is getting up to meet us, giving Mom a kiss on the cheek.  "Don't worry about it, darling, we haven't been waiting long."

 

"That's right.  Only 52 minutes.  Not long at all," adds a low voice.

 

My head whips around and I glare at the nerdy boy, who is _still_ glued to his book.  Then he raises his head, and my breath seems to stop in my throat.

 

It's awful.  The only thing worse than Xem's freaky amber eyes is seeing them in a kid's face.  I recognize that look, which is why I now avoid Xem as much as possible; only this is worse.  Xem's eyes, when he looks at me like that, are kind of like lasers, like he's seeing straight into my thoughts and can rip me apart through sheer force of will if he feels like it.  This is different, like the guy is trying to beat me up.  With his freaking _eyes_.  And it's freaking WORKING.

 

Right then and there, I decide that I'm never going to cringe for this guy.  No matter how much his eyes hurt to look at, I am stronger than him, and I will prove it.

 

I plant both hands on the tabletop, leaning in close so that I'm looming over him and practically pinning him in his seat.  My reward is watching his expression change to surprise, mild alarm, and annoyance, which makes me grin wildly.  "Hi!  I'm Axel!"

 

He is starting to lean away, though he quickly catches himself.  Excellent.  I'm getting to him.  I probably don't have a prayer of bothering him as much as he's bothering me, but at least I'm not completely defenseless.

 

"My name is Saïx," he says coolly.  "Now that we have made each other's acquaintance, you may remove yourself from my immediate vicinity."

 

"Sorry, I don't speak Nerd.  Nice gangster scars, by the way.  Took me a while to notice, though; I was so distracted by how ridiculously freaky your eyes are."

 

" _Axel_!" Mom says sharply.  She'd been making other introductions, but now she's noticing what I'm up to.  "Behave!"

 

"Don't feel like it," I say, still having a staredown with those eyes.  I swear, it feels like they are trying to rip straight through my chest, but I'm not going to let them win.  I _refuse_ to be the one to back down.

 

"I think he likes your eyes, big brother," says a hesitant little voice.

 

Okay.  I didn't _lose_.  I just got...distracted.  I look down and see the little girl hiding behind Saïx McDoomgaze's chair, peeping out at me with an _eatably_ adorable expression of shy curiosity.

 

The grin splitting my face now is genuine.  I actually forget about Saïx as I shift and rest my chin on my palm.  "Well, hello there, princess.  Who's your little pony friend?"

 

"Twilight Sparkle," she whispers, shrinking back a little more even as her eyes light up.

 

"That's a _gorgeous_ name," I gush.  The most outrageously girly name she could have possibly given that thing, but whatever; that in itself is cute.

 

"It's a ridiculous name," her brother grumbles, reminding me that he, unfortunately, still exists.

 

"Hey," I ask her without missing a beat, "if your big brother here was a pony, what would _his_ name be?"

 

Looking delighted, she responds with zero hesitation, "Saïx's pony name is Moonwolf Crescent, and Daddy is Dragongold."

 

The only reason I don't burst into appreciative, gleeful laughter is because I don't want to hurt her feelings.  Saïx's horrified gasp is music to my ears.  "You couldn't have just made those up right n--"  He breaks off, but it's too late.

 

"What's the matter, bro?" I ask sweetly.  "Don't like your pony name?"

 

"Of course not," he says shortly.  "She has no business coming up with something like that."

 

Crap, I keep forgetting that not everyone's automatically nice to kids.  I quickly look back at her, thinking up some things to say for damage control, but to my surprise, she doesn't look upset at all.  "That's why I didn't tell you your pony name all this time, Saïx, because you wouldn't like it.  But don't worry, I thought and I thought until I had the beautifullest pony name for you, and I kept it a secret until the man with the red hair asked."

 

Aw, she called me a man.  So cute!

 

"Xion, the point of something being a secret is that you don't tell _anyone_ ," he says tightly.

 

Mom clears her throat.  "WELL, now that we've all met each other, I'd say it's time to get going, don't you think?"

 

"You can order something here for yourself, if you like," Xem says.  "Or we can set out for the park now.  It's up to you, my sweet."

 

Ugh.  Sap overload.

 

"I think it's best if we just got started," Mom says, glaring at me.

 

"Very well.  Saïx, Xion, come."

 

I finally lean back, amused when Saïx gets up at last after having been stuck in his chair the whole time.  Xion runs around and grabs my hand with a look of hopeful apprehension, then beams when I smile and give her hand a squeeze.  Seriously, whose idea was it to deprive this poor kid of a decent big brother?

 

"So your name's Princess Xion, huh?" I say.

 

She nods shyly, clutching Twilight Sparkle.

 

"Beautiful.  I'm Axel."

 

"Who's that?" she asks.

 

I look where she's pointing and laugh.  My brother is standing with folded arms, eyes narrowed, fixing me with his sulkiest glare.  "That grumpy little boy is called Roxas.  Maybe you should go over and give him a hug."

 

"Okay!"  Taking me seriously, she runs over and wraps her arms around Roxas without hesitation.

 

He jerks in surprise.  "Hey!"

 

She pulls back, beaming.  "I'm Xion!  You're my friend now, okay?"

 

Roxas gives me an indignant look as I walk up.  "She hugged me!"

 

"'Cuz I told her to."

 

His mouth drops open.  " _Why_?"

 

"Because you looked like you wanted a hug, Mr. Sulky Boots."

 

"Not from a _girl_ ," he grumbles.

 

"What, are you jealous that I made friends with another small cute person?"

 

"Don't be confusing," Roxas pouts, making me laugh again.

 

Saïx spooks me when he seems to _materialize_ by my shoulder.  "Come, Xion."

 

"I'm coming," she says in puzzlement.

 

He draws her toward his other side, farther away from me as we all head for the door after our parents.  "Stay away from them."

 

I want to throttle this guy.  "Kinda defeats the purpose of hanging out together, _Moonwolf Crescent_ ," I say, trying not to sound as ticked-off as I really am.

 

He stops and pins me with those freaking eyes of his again, so suddenly that I just barely remember to stand my ground.  "'Together' implies the six of us, not just you and my sister.  Are you saying you intend to enjoy the company of my father and I just as much?"

 

Well...he kind of had me there.

 

"I didn't think so...Teardrop Flurryflame."  Then he is out the door, towing the confused-looking Xion by the hand, leaving me staring after him in open-mouthed shock.

 

"What's a furryfame?" Roxas asks.

 

"...Someone who's gonna need to stay on his toes.  This one's a worthy opponent."

 

"Don't be confusing."

 

**Part 4**

 

Xem at least changes out of the suit once we get there.  Saïx stays in his ridiculous outfit, looking completely out of place amidst all the tourists in their shorts and T-shirts and flip-flops and goofy hats.

 

"You look really dumb in that getup, Moonwolf."

 

"Call me that again and I'll...."

 

I don't really hear the actual threat, I'm too preoccupied trying to fend off his doomgaze.  I can tell that he's putting effort into it this time, zeroing in on me with those stupid beatdown eyes.  It's enough to make me silently vow to never call him by his pony name again, though of course I'd die before admitting that aloud.  "Seriously," I manage, trying not to sound out of breath.  "Do you even own a pair of shorts?  Or maybe you're just too embarrassed to let everyone see your milky white chicken legs or something."

 

He frowns, causing my heart to seem to twist.  "Why isn't it working?" he mutters, almost under his breath.

 

Hah.  HAH.  I beat your doomgaze, I _beat it_.  "What did you say?  Cooouuuldn't quite catch that," I lie smugly.

 

He glares at me and turns away without answering.

 

"Saïx, stop giving Axel yellow eyes, that's mean," Xion scolds.  I love this girl, I really do.

 

"I don't know what you're talking about," he says haughtily.

 

Liar.  "Neither do I," I add defiantly.

 

"Neither do I," Roxas complains.  "You are talking _over my head_."  He learned that phrase from his teacher, and now he accuses us of it when we say things he doesn't understand.

 

Mom turns back to us from where she's been walking arm-in-arm with Xem.  "Hey, let's go on the Ferris wheel first!  That's a nice easy ride to get us into the spirit of things, right?"

 

"You ride the Ferris wheel at night," Xion announced.  "The very last one. You sit there when they stop the wheel and look at the stars and the moon, and you tell Mommy you love her.  Then you come down again and go home."

 

Huh?

 

Mom laughs uncertainly.  "Oh...I see.  Well, why don't you pick the first ride for us, Xion sweetie?"

 

Her eyes light up.  "Really?!"  Okay!  I pick the one where they drop you down from the top of the tower!"  We all look where she's pointing.  Oh, yes, _yes_.

 

"I'm not going anywhere near that thing," Saïx declares flatly.

 

OF COURSE.

 

"Xion, we've been over this," Xem says sternly.  "There is a height requirement that will take you a _long time_ to reach.  Stop asking for that one."

 

Darn.  "Maybe we non-pansy adults can ride it while the party pooper stays with the kids," I say snidely.  Saïx reacts to the insult about the same way a rock would.

 

Roxas digs his nails into my flesh, demanding, "Don't leave me."  He doesn't get like that unless he feels unsafe, so I immediately look around.  Should've realized sooner that it's the doomgaze.  Not Xem's, even though Roxas is always a little nervous around Xem; now it's Saïx pointing his own doomgaze straight at my little brother.  I mean, he's just looking in Roxas's direction, but when you know what your eyes can do to other people, how can you even _think_ of looking at some poor defenseless kid?

 

I scoop Roxas into my arms and he hides his face against me as I glare.  _'Back off, freak.'_   Those horrible yellow eyes are hitting at me again, but this time I barely feel it.  I would gladly stand between Roxas and _anything_ trying to hurt him.  Saïx had better keep his distance.

 

"Saaaiiix," Xion whines, tugging at his sleeve, "I _told_ you to stop being mean to Axel!  We're supposed to be having fun, not fighting!"

 

"That's right," Xem says in this heavy, meaningful tone, and to my satisfaction, Saïx looks away.

 

We do try a few things together.  Bumper cars, for example.  Mom and I roar around the place like maniacs, Xem with a sort of pained smile at her side and Roxas whooping happily beside me.  Ramming Saïx's car repeatedly would be a lot more fun if he didn't just sit there looking sulky while Xion does all the driving.  "I'm gonna get you!" she screams eagerly at me, and I call back, "No, I'm gonna get _you_!" while really directing all my aggressive thoughts at her snooty bored passenger.

 

We try one of the kiddy roller coasters.  We sit through a show.  Then, while eating ice cream, we decide to let Mom go off with Xem - which I wouldn't mind at all, except that I'm stuck with Saïx as well as the kids.

 

We stand facing each other once the lovebirds leave, as if it's a battle.  "So," I finally say, because he's not saying a word, just standing there trying to doomgaze me to death.  Xion's not coming to my rescue this time, either.  "You got anything in mind for what to do next?"

 

"Yes.  You could lose track of me, take the children off my hands, and leave me in peace until we can finally go home."

 

Unbe-freaking-lieveable.  "You know what, fine.  I'm turning my back."  I do so, pulling the wary-looking Roxas with me.  "Oh, no!" I cry exaggeratedly.  "I can't see Saïx!  Where could he _possibly_ have gone?"

 

"He's right behind you," Roxas points out, sounding like he thinks I've gone crazy.

 

"Oh _dear_!" I go on.  "It seems like we've _lost_ him in this huge crowd!  Shall we look for him, or should we just forget him and enjoy ourselves?"  I bend down to Xion's level, even though she's gazing off at her brother.  "What do you think, Xion?  Should we go and look for Saïx?"

 

"He's running away," she says uncertainly.

 

He's _what_?  This I have to see, but when I quickly turn around, Saïx is just walking off at a normal pace, without a smidgen of undignifiedness for me to gloat at.  "Ah, let him go, it's not like he wanted to hang out with us.  So!" I say brightly, resting my hands on my knees, "where do you kiddos want to go next?"

 

Xion is a little glum at first, which kind of amazes me, the way she can miss that brother of hers even though he's so awful.  Eventually, though, she and Roxas both seem to be having the time of their lives, galloping from one attraction to another and trying (...with some success...) to convince me to squeeze myself onto rides designed for six-year-olds.

 

"Again, Axel, again!"

 

"NO.  I will stand here and cheer like a maniac every time your car passes by, but I am _not_ riding that thing again!"

 

Mom apparently texted me about lunch, but by the time I check my messages, I've already bought the kids some stuff to eat.  Then I don't hear from Mom again until late afternoon, when she calls to say that Xem has some work to take care of at home.

 

"Well, let him go, then!  Why does he have to drag the rest of us off, too?"

 

_"Axel, that's no fun, enjoying ourselves when someone has to work!"_

 

"Seeing as it's Xem, that actually makes it even bett--"

 

 _"Axel,"_ she growls.  _"Stop it.  The whole point of us coming here was so we could enjoy each other's company, and--"_

 

"Oh, you mean you were magically enjoying our company from halfway across the park all day?"

 

_"Axel Deucalion Hayes, you had better zip those lips of yours before they get you into even more trouble."_

 

"Okay, okay, okay, I'll be good.  So you want me to bring Roxas and Xion to the front gates or something?"

 

_"Yes, we'll meet by that statue of the zebra.  Saïx is with you, too, right?"_

 

Urk.  "Yeah, he'll be with us.  See you soon, Mom."  I quickly hang up, grimacing.  Saïx, if it's a huge pain trying to find you, I swear I'll....

 

Of course I haven't been smart enough to get his phone number before he walked out on us.  Wait, _he's_ the one who left, _he_ should have remembered to give us his number.  Moron.  "Roxas!  Xion!  Let's go Saïx-hunting!"

 

"Yay!" Xion cheers.

 

"Do we have to?" Roxas whines.

 

I guess it makes sense that Xion is the best at it.  She has us looking at corner tables in restaurants and isolated benches.  We finally find him in a dead end of something called a hedge maze, and I discover that it wasn't the usual touristy stuff he'd had packed in his bag.  He's sitting there with papers and notebooks and a couple of textbooks and a tiny _laptop_ arranged around him.  The guy was doing schoolwork.  AT AN AMUSEMENT PARK.  There's even a group of tourists taking photos of him, I kid you not.

 

Xion scampers up to him happily.  "Hi, Saïx!  Did you finish all your homework?"

 

"Just about," he says, sounding almost cheerful himself.  About as cheerful as a monotone can get, anyway.

 

"We were looking for you!  I won," she says proudly, then turns to me.  "Right, Axel, I won?"

 

"Definitely."  I determinedly do not wince when Saïx's eyes zero in on me.

 

"Are we leaving?"

 

"Yeah.  And because you stupidly didn't give us your phone number, it took ages to find you, and now Mom's gonna chew us out for being late."

 

"It never occurred to you to call your mother so she could get my number from Father?"

 

I really, really hate this guy.  If Mom does end up marrying Xem and making the freaks part of our family, I _swear_ I will throttle Saïx in his sleep.

 

**Part 5**

 

I'm not _stupid_ , I just...didn't take the benchmark exams seriously, and I learned my lesson, okay, I do _not_ need to get sent to exam prep classes every week.

 

Of course Mom doesn't listen.  Because now she insists that I'm making her look bad to Xem, Mr. I-Have-Evil-Glowy-Eyes-And-Straight-A-Honor-Students-For-Children, and we _can't_ have Mom looking _bad_ now, can we?

 

The only up side is that Demyx is doing the tutoring, too.  I have someone to hang out with before and after sessions, and it makes it easier to scrounge rides home.

 

"So is your lame band ever getting out of the garage, or have you finally given it up as a lost cause?"

 

"My BAND OF AWESOME is just...on hiatus for a bit 'til the lead singer's teachers stop piling so much dang homework on him," he sighs.

 

"Summer vacation, man."

 

"Summer vacation," Demyx agrees fervently.

 

Mom was smart to wait.  My phone doesn't buzz until about ten minutes 'til the end of the session, but the tutor is giving me the normal human version of a doomgaze, and I don't dare check the message.  As soon as I'm free to pack up to leave, I reach for my phone.

 

_date tonite pc at Xem house_

 

" _pc_ ," short for "precious," is Roxas, because Mom gushes over him as if she subconsciously thinks it might stop him from leaving her like his dad did.  Which is stupid, since Dad left because of _her_ cheating, and I'm still convinced he would have come back to her if he hadn't gotten killed.

 

More importantly right now, Mom is _gone_ , with _Xem_ \- which means, what?  Roxas is at Xem's house?  With _who_?  Not...Saïx, surely not that yellow-eyed freak who can scare the crap out of a kid just by looking at him and I have to freaking get there NOW.  "Demyx, I need a ride again."

 

"Sure.  My brother just texted me and said he's about five minutes away."

 

"Tell him to TELEPORT."

 

"Huh?!"

 

As soon as we pull up to Xem's house, I jump out of the car and run for the front door.  To my surprise, it opens before I can even try the handle.

 

Saïx stands framed in the light from the front hall in all his evil glory, holding my little brother like some kid-eating ogre.  I'm seriously ready to fight him tooth and nail to get my brother back, but he catches me off guard by actually shoving Roxas at me.  "Here, this is yours."

 

My voice sounds a little weird, I'm so frantic to see if he's all right.  "Rox-my-socks!  You fell asleep, buddy?"  He'd _better_ just be sleepy, because if he's like this from the doomgaze or having his blood sucked or _anything_ , I am going to break Saïx's neck.

 

Roxas blinks those beautiful blue eyes at me, full of sweet sleepiness and not a trace of fear or desperation or panic.  He holds up his hand and orders me to look at it in his "Please spoil me rotten" voice.  That in itself should be a relief, but I'm too horrified by the sight of the huge bandage to notice.  "Ehhhh, what happened to you?!" I yell, setting him down on the closest chair and vowing to kill Saïx.

 

"Me and Saïx tried to toast marshmallows, like you showed me last time."

 

Um.  What?

 

My brain kind of broke because of that, but finally I manage to look up at Saïx himself, who starts doomgazing me for all he's worth.

 

...Sort of.  Searching his face, I got the strangest sense that the intensity of his expression isn't from evil or hatred at all.  He doesn't even seem mad.  There's something else going on that I can't quite figure out.

 

"Roxas burned his hand on the poker," he says in this cold monotone, already packing up his laptop and books.  It's really weird, seeing Saïx with a Disney movie playing on the screen behind him.

 

Wait, why was Saïx even in the same _room_ as a Disney movie?

 

"You burned your _hand_?" I exclaim, suddenly interested in Saïx but still caring much more about Roxas at the moment.  "Aw, man, let me see, kiddo."

 

It hurts, seeing those welts on his tiny palm, as if I've been the one to have gotten injured instead.  I _wish_ I had.  Roxas...most likely got the idea to play with fire from me.  And I'd tried to teach him to be safe, but he's just a little kid, maybe Mom was right, and man I am so, so, so _stupid_ , I should have never let Roxas near open flame and made him think it was okay....

 

Wait, "Saïx let you handle the poker?"  Well, maybe Roxas had just reached for it when Saïx's back was turned, easy enough accident.

 

But even as I'm thinking that, Roxas is already saying, "Uh...yeah."

 

....  "Saïx was watching you, and he let you pick it up?"

 

Roxas is a horrible liar.  He stares at me like he hopes I'll give him the right answer.  "Um, yes?"

 

I narrow my eyes and plant both palms on either side of him.  He squirms and tries to move back, but of course there isn't really anywhere for him to go.  "Roxas Aubade, you are lying to me."

 

"I'm not lying," he says defensively.  "I'm giving 'selective details.'"

 

That is exactly what I always say to Mom when she catches me tweaking the truth.  It's becoming blindingly clear that I've been a bad influence on this kid.  Big brother fail.  Maybe someone should just shoot me before I can mess up Roxas even more.

 

I take a deep breath and try to say calmly, "Roxas, something went wrong tonight, and you got hurt.  I need to know _exactly_ what happened so that I can...."  So that I can what?  "So that I can make sure it doesn't happen again," I finish lamely.

 

He gives me a long, wary look.  Is he seriously deciding how much he can trust me with?  The thought makes me want to cry.  For so long it's meant so much to me, knowing how much Roxas believes in me, and I try so hard to be worthy of that.  If he really is losing trust in me, then I....

 

"No one will play with me," Roxas finally says.  "You and Mommy left me alone.  I tried to do what Xion said, but I think Saïx was hiding from me because it didn't work until I burned my hand.  Then he was scary and I was scared, but when I stopped being scared I could see it.  So I guess it worked, but it hurt, and I got tired and fell asleep in _Aladdin_."

 

What the heck is this kid talking about?  "What do you mean about Xion?  She told you to do something?"

 

"Remember when you taught me how to fight Saïx's eyes?" Roxas says seriously.  "It didn't work, so I asked Xion.  She said if you like Saïx and Xem, then their eyes aren't scary unless they're mad for real.  So I tried to like Saïx.  But he was in his room and he wouldn't look at me, just kept staring at his book and his computer."

 

Saïx...had... _avoided_ using those horrible eyes on Roxas?

 

It's not like you can choose your natural eye color, after all.  The doomgaze is just something he was born with, right?  Maybe all this time I've....  But, no, I don't want to be wrong and have to swallow my pride and be nice, it's so much easier just to hate him and blame him for all the changes Mom is forcing into our lives--

 

"He was mean, so I got mad and tried to play by myself.  But my hand burned, and Saïx was really mad but when he was putting my hand in the sink and it wasn't hurting, I wasn't scared anymore, and I looked at his eyes.  Xion's right.  He wasn't mad, he was scared and he wanted to fix me."

 

"...He told you that?"

 

"His eyes did."

 

I totally don't get it.  "Well, I'll look into that, but first, buddy, you and me need to have a talk about fire and things called conductors...."

 

Saïx had done a better first aid job on Roxas than I expected.  When I try wrapping it up again, the bandage looks too loose and lopsided.  I sit Roxas back in front of _Aladdin_ , telling him to get ready to walk to the subway with me soon.  First, though, I need to have a chat with my future stepbrother.

 

I walk straight into his room and see pretty quickly what Roxas meant, at least about Saïx not even raising his head when I try to talk to him.  I sit right on his desk, hoping to get his attention.

 

"You're still a stuck-up nerdy rich boy, but anyone who'll take care of my little brother the way you did can't be all bad."  I don't hate him anymore.  And we're not exactly close - for all I know, he could be totally different around people he's comfortable with.  Still, looking at him doesn't exactly give me warm fuzzy feelings....  I'll admit it, I'm overprotective of my little brother.  I cannot cannot _cannot_ stand the thought of him getting hurt.  I can't decide how I'm supposed to be feeling right now....

 

Suddenly, the most amazing thing happens.  Saïx is blathering something about a chart, but I don't even hear it, I'm so distracted.  Saïx is blushing. _Blushing_.  There is actual color blooming on that pale skin of his.  "I knew it!  Your 'Rawr, I'm a jerk' thing is an act."

 

He gets all flustered.  It's...kind of....  I mean, it's just funny.  I didn't even know Saïx _could_ get flustered.  Or blush.

 

"And just so the record is straight, Roxas got hurt in the first place because I was holed up in my room, neglecting to notice that he was _starting a fire_ downstairs."

 

Way to try to make me hate you again, though I kind of saw it coming.  I reach out and smack my fist against Saïx's head - even though he kind of made up for it later on, he's still an _idiot_ for letting Roxas get hurt in the first place.

 

To my surprise, he just kind of sits there and takes it, not even retaliating with his eyes.  Like he knows he deserves it.  That's the moment when I forgive him completely, of everything.  He's still not even close to being my favorite person on the planet, but I can work with this.  It won't be the nightmare I thought it'd be, having this guy for a brother.

 

"Dumb of him, too," I go on, "but since I already chewed him out and forgave him, I guess I'll forgive you, too."

 

He's startled into actually looking at me for the first time since I walked in, and Ohhhh.  I finally get _exactly_ what Roxas meant now.  For a split second, I think that Saïx is just shooting me with his usual doomgaze, but then I realize that the emotions aren't hostile at all.  There's...guilt there, above all else, and shame and a little bit of anger and some indignation.  It's the weirdest thing, like I can _see_ what he's feeling.

 

Maybe that's what Xion meant.  That you have to like these golden-eyed creeps before you can understand them, as if liking them is some sort of code-breaker.  Talk about wearing your heart on your sleeve....  If you don't know the trick, Saïx - and his dad, I assume - are walking weapons.  Once you have the key, though, they become like open books.

 

This is going to be _so fun_.

 

**Part 6**

 

Aaaahhhh!  When one cute thing is doing something cute with another cute thing, it's long since stopped being just a cutefest, now it's like a whole party of adorable.

 

Okay, look, despite the weakness, I don't _squee_ over things, okay?  I just don't.  ...On the outside.  But if there ever was an exception, it'd be for my little brother Roxas and now my new sister Xion, because those two just...I just _belong_ to them or something, they can do whatever they want with me because there's no way I can ever resist them.

 

So I'm standing there watching Roxas and Xion dance, trying not to let the squee be too obvious, and finally I can't help it, I have to share with someone who'll _understand_ , who knows that these aren't just a couple of random cute kids at a wedding.  Saïx, Saïx, where is Saïx, oh come on it can't be hard to find a guy with a foot-long blue ponytail and eyes like weapons....

 

Granted, Xem seems to have an annoying abundance of long-haired, deadly-eyed relatives, but whatever.  My brother - the newest one - should still be sticking out like the awkward misfit he is.

 

There!

 

Aw, for crying out loud, Uncle Reno's got him backed up against a wall and is entertaining himself by harassing his new nephew.  Poor Sai's doomgazing for all he's worth, but it's not working because I kinda told Uncle Reno the key, and my uncle's weakness is...a little different than mine.  Besides blowing things up, flirting with women whose lives he'll ruin if they get seriously involved with him, and out-drinking anyone who's up for a challenge, his fourth hobby is making cute things squirm.

 

"C'mon, this is your uncle Reno you're talkin' to!  Just tell me the name of your rival gang, or even their symbol or colors or something, and I'll bust in there and avenge your face for you."

 

"I TOLD you.  There is a perfectly mundane explanation; I've never had a physical altercation in my life."

 

"You'd be doing me a favor, you know.  Been way too long since my boss's let me knock some heads...."

 

I swoop in to the rescue, shoving past Uncle Reno and grabbing his victim's arm.  "Sai!  You gotta come see what my little brother and your little sister are doing!"

 

For some reason, he looks like I've just told him that the kids want to adopt a pet alligator or something, his eyes start blaring _alarm urgency shame anger protect_.

 

"Relax, they're fine," I tell him as we go back to the dance floor.

 

I stand there and wait eagerly for his reaction.  He doesn't say anything for a long time, and I don't rush him, just let him savor it.  Finally he says, "Axel...what you said earlier was wrong."

 

"Huh?"

 

"He's not just your brother, and she's not just my sister.  Not anymore."

 

Heh heh.  He gets it.  "Yeah.  They're ours, right?"

 

He gives me a surprised look.  "Unfortunately, yes."  _unhappiness shame wistfulness regret longing_

 

Geez, Sai, what's your problem?  I punch his shoulder, trying to get his attention and hoist him out of Angstland.  "Why's that 'unfortunate,' bro?"

 

He gives me this look like he's sizing me up.  _hope fear shame frustration goodwill trust apprehension_   And a little trace of joy, buried in all that silly angst.  I'm really glad I have the key now, it's amazing.

 

Instead of making some dry insult like usual, he says something serious, which I'm half-expecting because he's kind of said it already with his eyes.  "Because it gets harder when there's more to care about."

 

Poor Sai.  Opening yourself up to the pain of loving someone...he minds it a lot more than I do.  "That's true."  He looks so unhappy.  No one who's not in unrequited love with the bride or groom should be that angsty at a wedding.  "Dance with me," I say.

 

His glare would have been clear enough even without magical talking eyes.  _"Are you crazy?  Drop dead."_

 

"I'm serious, dance with me!  Our parents just got married, you need to be smiling more."

 

"Trust me, dancing is _not_ going to produce such results."

 

"Here, I'll let you be the guy," I say, trying to take his hands.

 

He steps back out of my reach.  " _No_."

 

"Saiiiiiiiix!" I whine.

 

"Leave me alone."

 

"Party pooper."

 

He just glares at me.  _embarrassment indignation anxiety sadness apprehension_

 

As I'm standing there reading him, his scars catch my attention again.  I kind of forget about them most of the time, I'm so used to how Saïx looks now, but Uncle Reno made me curious.  "How _did_ you get those, anyway?"

 

"What?"

 

I reach out to touch the part where they cross.  "These."

 

He ducks away, obviously bothered.  It occurs to me how little I've actually touched his skin despite all the time we've spent together.  In fact, not counting handshakes and stuff, this is the first time I can remember.

 

"Don't touch me."

 

Flaming pants, what's wrong with him?

 

_pain hurt betrayal insecurity fear grief_

 

"Saïx?" I say, putting a hand on his shoulder.  I hadn't meant to hurt him.  For crying out loud, he'd said it was mundane.  Liar.

 

He pushes my hand away.  "You're getting on my nerves.  I need a break."

 

He stalks away, and I'm still reeling from what I saw, how badly his heart was crying even though his eyes were dry.  "Saïx...."

 

I wander around talking to people and munching on snacks, but I can't get Saïx out of my mind.

 

Uncle Reno and Xigbar are yelling in a corner, apparently battling it out in some kind of wireless cell phone game.  I go over to watch and wait, and a minute later, Xigbar whoops jeeringly as Uncle Reno starts cussing at him.

 

"They're gonna kick you guys out," I say.

 

"Let 'em try!" Uncle Reno yells.  Rude walks by and tells him to shut up.

 

When I get Xigbar alone, I ask, "Hey, what's up with Saïx's scars?  How'd he get them?"

 

"Finally got nosy about it, huh?"

 

"I'm his brother now, I'm allowed to be nosy about his personal life.  I asked him about it, and he freaked out and went off to hide."

 

"Saïx freaked out?" Xigbar says interestedly.

 

"I mean, you know.  With his eyes.  Started spewing stuff at me like he'd just walked in on me making out with his girlfriend or something."

 

Xigbar gives me a thoughtful look.  I'm used to their eyes by now, but sometimes they can still creep me out.  I haven't figured out Xigbar's key yet, all I can do is wait it out and try hard not to flinch.

 

"So you really can read him, huh."

 

"Yeah.  Pretty much as soon as I stopped hating him."

 

"Should have figured," he says, shaking his head with a smile.  "I've never once seen you back down."

 

"Of course not.  Gotta stand up for my pride as a mere mortal."

 

He laughs.  "So you can read him, but you don't know how he got those scars?"

 

"Come on, it's not like I can read his _mind_.  He just kind of broadcasts emotions at me."

 

Xigbar sighs.  "Man, that kid needs to figure out how to Shield, he's gonna be in trouble if you ever turn on him."

 

"Hey!  He's my brother, I'd _never_ turn on him!"

 

Xigbar's doing his version of the doomgaze again.  It's not as...intense as Saïx's used to be, and it doesn't hurt.  It's like knowing that a sniper you can't see has got you in his sights, as opposed to facing a loaded cannon.  At least Xigbar and Xem can turn their doomgazes on and off.  I don't think Saïx knows how to yet, since I've seen him send people literally running when the only thing in his eyes is curiosity.

 

Xigbar finally lets me go.  "Fine, you pass."

 

"Didn't realize this was a test," I say dryly.

 

"Ahem."  Xigbar leans back and props his arm on the tabletop.  "Saïx was about seven or eight when the accident happened.  His mom was driving while extremely sleep-deprived, nodded off at the wheel, and crashed into a wall.  They both recovered, but Saïx was never the same again."

 

I sit there for a minute, absorbing this.  "His mom drove them into a wall and he cut his face on flying glass?"

 

"More or less."

 

He's not doomgazing, exactly.  But he's staring at me hard, like there's something he doesn't want to say out loud.  _Secrets_ , his eyes say.  _Seek.  More.  Don't settle.  Do you love him?_

 

"You tellin' me the truth?" I ask.

 

"Sure, kid."

 

"What do you expect me to do?"

 

Xigbar leans close to me.  _Hold on tight.  Be strong.  Don't disappoint me._   "If Saïx really is your brother, then when things get tough...."  He trails off expectantly.

 

"I'm sticking with him no matter what.  I've got his back, just like he's got mine."

 

"I'm hearing you say it, so I'd better see you proving it."  Xigbar taps his finger against the tabletop.  "You and Xion and Xem are all he has.  He'll come through eventually, but right now he's just a dumb kid.  It's still your turn.  Take care of him."

 

"Man, sometimes you yellow-eyed people make no sense at all."

 

He laughs.

 

I can't find Saïx _anywhere_.  He's nowhere in the reception hall, he's not in the bathrooms, he's not outside.  _'Okay.  If I was an arrogant nerdy antisocial freak whose brother had just flashbacked me to a traumatic childhood accident, where would I hide?'_   Somewhere quiet, out of the way, where people wouldn't think to look for me.

 

He's in the groom's dressing room, sitting on the couch in the dark, working at the DS Roxas had been made to leave behind.

 

"Saïx!  Are you playing a real, live, actual, honest-to-God video game?"

 

He doesn't answer.  It's silent except for distant noise from the reception, and the game's tinny music and beeping echoing eerily in the room.

 

I turn the lights on and march over.  "Hey.  Saïx."

 

Still ignored.  I sit down and drape my arm around his shoulders obnoxiously.  He tries to huddle away, his eyes still fixed on the game.  "Stop it.  I'm fine."

 

Uh, no, you're not.  "Saïx, I'm trying to talk to you."

 

Eyes and hands totally on the game, he awkwardly maneuvers out from under from my arm and tries to push me away with his foot.

 

I reach out with my left hand and set all five fingertips against his face.  "I asked about these."

 

His video game character is screaming because he's too distracted to fight.  "Don't touch me."

 

"They said your mom crashed the car into a wall."

 

He doesn't move or say anything for a long time.  A GAME OVER message flashes on the screen.

 

"Get away from me and I'll tell you," he finally says.

 

I scoot back against the other arm of the sofa and wait.

 

He still doesn't move.  Finally he closes his eyes so I can't read them anymore and says in this flat voice, "They said she was too tired to get behind the wheel of a car, but they weren't there.  I was.  She never fell asleep - she was trying to kill us both."

 

My heart seems to jump in my chest.  Mom had told me once what'd happened to Xem's first wife, that she'd gone crazy and committed suicide.  I hadn't been sure if Mom was just making up that story out of jealousy, or maybe pre-wedding jitters or something.  But what Saïx just said--

 

He slumps down and puts his arm over his eyes even though they're already closed.  His voice isn't quite flat this time.  "I try not to think about it.  Because every time I do, I always...she...."  He pauses.  I don't say anything.  "If I'd...told the truth...maybe they would have done something about her, and Xion...she wouldn't have been able to hurt Xion back then...."

 

I stare at him.  "Y...Your mom really...?"  We don't say anything for a long time.  The video game is looping its menu screen now, and the music is annoying.  And...disrespectful.  I reach over to close the DS, and it's suddenly silent in the room.

 

For a while I'm wondering what to do, it'll just make things worse trying to hug him or joke around or say that everything's gonna be okay and crap like that.  He needs me so bad but he's completely shut me out.  He can be so _stupid_.

 

...Heh.  Xigbar was right about him.  "I'll be right back."

 

Coming out of Saïx's hidey-hole into the noise of the reception is a relief, like I'd been in some other dimension and am returning to reality.  But it's...also a little jarring, too.  Just for a second.  For the first time, I kind of get an idea of why he hides.

 

"Xion!"  She and Roxas have made cars out of plates, ribbons, candlesticks, and napkin rings, and they're racing their weird creations in the back of the room.  It's just a matter of time before someone notices and gets them in trouble.  "Hey, I need you guys."

 

Roxas immediately runs to meet me.  "Look at my car, Axel."  He tries to show me, and a candlestick falls off.

 

"That's great!  Hey, Xion.  We need to cheer up Saïx.  Let's have a picnic in the groom's dressing room."

 

"Yay!"

 

We grab some things and troop on over to the cave where Saïx is lying with a book sitting open on his chest, like he's trying to read it but can't focus.

 

"Saïx!"  Xion immediately runs over and flings her arms around him.

 

"Xion--"

 

"What _happened_?!  What's _wrong_!?"

 

"Nothing.  Stop it."

 

"You look like your puppy got run over by a car!"

 

"What?"  He looks annoyed now, which is way better than the car-ran-over-my-puppy look he'd had before.

 

"We're here to cheer you up, big brother!"  She plants a huge kiss on his cheek.

 

"Augh!  Xion!"

 

"Don't be sad," Roxas says, "we're okay."  He notices the console on the coffee table.  "Hey, did you steal my DS?!"

 

When Mom and Xem find us, we've got a tablecloth spread on the floor with cake and fruit and soda, and iced tea for Saïx because he thinks soda melts brain cells or something.  Saïx is beating Roxas at tic-tac-toe for the seventh time in a row, and I'm trying not to laugh because Roxas is mad and I can _see_ him getting ready to jump Saïx with a vengeful Tickle Attack of Doom.  I'm also trying really hard not to mind that Xion is braiding my hair.  It's not like I'm going to keep it like that when we go back out...I should just let her have her fun.  Ugh, Xion, why do you have to be so little sisterish?  Oh well.  She's so cute, I guess it's worth it.

 

"What are you all _doing_?" Mom yells.

 

"Bonding," I say.  I hold up a cup.  "You want some soda?"

 

"No!  Get back out there!"  Her eyes widen.  "Get those braids out of your hair and _then_ go out there!"

 

"But they're pretty," Xion insists.

 

Saïx puts down his cup and scoots over, totally not noticing Roxas trying to lunge at him.  Roxas tumbles awkwardly into the curtains instead, and Saïx gives him a weird look before starting to comb the braids out of my hair with his fingers.  "Lea is right.  We've neglected the guests long enough, we need to return to our duties."

 

"You talk like partying is some kind of chore," I say.  He gives me an exasperated look, and I'm kind of shocked to realize that he really _does_ see it that way.  Good grief.  Close as we've become, there are just some things I will never understand about him.

 

"Saïx," Xem says.  That's all.  But his eyes are saying _I'm disappointed in you_ , and I can practically sense Saïx wilting.

 

"Forgive me, Father."  He sounds so subdued, and no wonder with that doomgaze cooking him.  I kneel up and put my hands on my hips to shield him.  "Don't get your panties in a twist, we'll be right out."  Saïx's hands tighten sharply in my hair, but I'm _not_ going to stand by and keep quiet.

 

"Please do so as soon as possible," Xem says, his eyes blasting me now.  Just like with Xigbar, I haven't figured out his key yet - or else how to get around his "Shield," if that's how it works - but that's okay.  I can handle it.

 

I glare right back into that gaze, and it's almost easy now because I've always been better at protecting other people than protecting myself.  With Saïx back there and Roxas creeping up to hide behind me and Xion clutching my arm, it's like their trust in me gives me more strength than I would have had on my own.

 

Mom looks so clueless.  Really pretty in her wedding dress, by the way, just like she did last time, but still clueless.  "Yes...do what your father says.  Clean up this mess and don't be so - antisocial."

 

"Sure thing, Mom."  I don't say anything about that stupid "father" bit because it's her wedding and I'd promised to be nice.

 

They finally leave.  I turn around, meaning to shoot my brothers and sister a victory sign, but instead I collapse, just managing to catch myself with my hands before my face hits the floor.  What the heck?

 

"Axel!" Xion cries.

 

Saïx pulls me onto my back.  "Just rest a moment."  _awe amazement dismay gratitude guilt love_

 

It makes me smile.  "You're welcome."

 

"Axel, are you sick?" Roxas asks.

 

"Just a little.  I'll be fine in a minute."

 

"Uh oh.  We gotta do CPR."

 

Roxas bends his knees and I _swear_ that kid was about to _jump straight onto my chest_ if Saïx hadn't pushed him back in time.  "That's not necessary."

 

"Here, Axel."  Xion looks anxious.  "Eat some grapes."  She pushes some into my mouth.

 

I smile at her after managing not to choke.  These kids are going to kill me someday.  "Thanks, honey."

 

"Xion, Roxas, help me gather up the food."  Saïx distracts them by loading them up with stuff to carry.  Then he looks at me as I get my strength back and sit up.  "Thank you," he says softly.

 

"No problem.  You'd do the same for me, right?"

 

 _guilt shame determination_   "...Yes."

 

I point my finger playfully.  "Reeeeaaaally?"

 

 _annoyance resolve love pride_   "Yes.  I would."

 

"You mean, _now_ you would," I tease.  "You wouldn't have two seconds ago."

 

He looks annoyed, and a little alarmed.  "Stop doing that."

 

Reading his mind, I guess he means.  He doesn't have to worry.  "Saïx, we're brothers now, no matter what.  You can trust me.  I won't ever turn on you."

 

He studies me for a while.  Then he smiles, just a little.  "I believe that."

 

"Good.  And you won't turn on me, either, right?"

 

"Of course not," he grumbles.  "I'm stuck with you for life."

 

"Unfortunately," I quote.

 

"Maybe."

 

"Wait - 'maybe'?!  So that might actually be a 'fortunately' instead?"

 

He shoves the rest of our little picnic into my arms.  "Don't weasel your way out of carrying your share."

 

"Don't try to change the subject!"

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  Obligatory disclaimer - **Kids, Axel is a moron.  Please don't teach your little brothers and/or sisters how to make fires, ok?  Thanks. X(**

**Twilight Sparkle is the name of the main character of the TV show _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_. I came up with the other pony names, though.**

 

**Again, this series is one of the few times where I'm letting ICness take a backseat to thematic effect when the two come into conflict.  For this installment, Xigbar's portrayal in particular bothered me...he's a little meaner in other installments, though.**

 

I picture teenage Saïx as being the kind of person who hates homework but also can't stand it being incomplete, so he determinedly grumbles his way through it 'til it's done.

 

"Deucalion" in this universe is either Axel's grandfather's name, or his mother had let someone else choose his middle name, it's not something she herself would have come up with.

 

I dunno why I always have to do present tense with Axel in first person.... Even when I TRY to start out with past tense, he always drags it into present tense somehow and it just doesn't grammatically _work_ in past tense.  I finally gave up and just automatically do present tense for him now whenever I get into first person with him.


	4. Windows to the Soul {Roxas}

**_Stepsiblings_ , a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Windows to the Soul (ROUGH DRAFT)**

 

A/N:  Third person limited, Roxas's POV.  Since the kid's only five years old, the style's going to be simplified and repetitive and ungrammatical at times, it might come off as annoying.

 

o.o.o

 

In the car, Mommy wanted to know if they liked Saïx and Xion.

 

"Mom," Axel said, "don't you ever let that creep near Roxas ever again."

 

Saïx was bad, then.  Roxas thought so, but now that Axel said it, he was sure.  "I like Xion," he said, because when she wasn't attacking people with hugs, she was fun to play with.  Saïx was her brother, but she wasn't bad like him.

 

"Oh yeah, I like her, too," Axel said.  He grinned.  "She's a real cute kid, isn't she?"

 

"Yes," Mommy said, "but Saïx was very nice, too!  Why didn't you like him?"

 

"Mom.  You have to ask?" Axel said, like she was dumb.

 

"I thought that he was perfectly nice and polite," she said in the voice that Roxas didn't trust.

 

"And you just overlooked the bit of him that's creepy as all getout, right?"

 

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said, still in the voice.

 

"Saïx tries to eat people with his eyes," Roxas told her.  Axel laughed, and Roxas was proud of himself for making Axel laugh.

 

"See, Mom?  Even Roxas gets it."

 

Almost as soon as they got home, Axel sat him down and said, "Roxas, I'm going to teach you how to fight the doomgaze."

 

"Okay," Roxas said.  "What's a doomgaze?"

 

"It's how snooty rich nerds try to eat people with their eyes."

 

"Oh.  Okay."

 

"Now."  Axel uncrossed his legs and put his hands on the ground so he could lean close to Roxas, his face serious.  "Roxas, pretend I'm Saïx, and I'm doomgazing you."  He stared and stared and stared.

 

Roxas giggled.  "You look silly."

 

"Argh!  Roxas, you gotta focus here!"

 

"I'm focusing."  Actually, he didn't know what 'focus' meant, but he wanted Axel to be proud of him.

 

"You can't be scared, all right?  If Saïx or Xem look at you with their creepy eyes, you can't cringe or hide or flinch or wince or cry.  You got that?"

 

Roxas was worried.  "But their eyes are heavy.  And they push at me.  I want to run away."

 

"Well, don't.  That's what I'm telling you.  You _can't_ run away, Roxas.  You have to be a man.  You have to be strong and stand your ground.  You can do that, right?"

 

"I'm a man."

 

"Yeah, that's right.  You gonna be strong for me, little buddy?"

 

"Uh huh."

 

"All right.  Now, focus!"

 

Roxas learned that to 'fight the doomgaze,' he had to stare straight at it for a whole minute without laughing.

 

One time Mommy took them all to dinner with Xem and Saïx and Xion.  Roxas was happy because he wanted to see Xion.  As soon as they walked into the restaurant, he saw Xion running at him with wide open arms.  "Don't hug me!" he yelled.

 

"You came!" she yelled back and hugged him.  She knocked him over, and they fell down.

 

"Mommy, she hugged me!" Roxas yelled, pinned to the floor under her.

 

But Mommy was just laughing and not helping him at all.  "Axel!  Make her stop!"  Axel was laughing, too.  "EVERYONE STOP LAUGHING."

 

Someone pulled Xion off.  Roxas sat up and opened his mouth to say Thank You, but then he saw it was Saïx.  Saïx was staring down at him with the eating eyes.  Roxas wanted to disappear into the floor, but he was a man and stared back but this wasn't like staring at Axel and not laughing, the eyes were heavy and were pushing at him and he wanted to hide but Axel said he couldn't hide, but he couldn't do it and Axel would be mad at him because he couldn't do it.  Roxas didn't want Axel to look at him like that, but he couldn't help it, he couldn't stare at Saïx the way Axel wanted him to.  Roxas started to cry.

 

"WHAT THE FREAK ARE YOU DOING TO MY BROTHER?"  Axel was there, and Roxas cringed away but Axel was mad at Saïx instead of Roxas.  Axel was yelling at Saïx, and now Mommy was yelling at Axel and Xion looked scared.

 

"Xion," Roxas said, "let's go somewhere else."

 

"Okay," she said.  He held out his hand, and she took it, and they walked to an empty table and he pushed her up onto the chair.

 

He climbed onto the other chair and took the flower out of the black thing in the middle and gave it to her.  "Girls like flowers."

 

She smiled at him, sniffing it like a fancy lady on TV.  "Thank you, Roxas."  She started pulling petals off it.  "He loves me, he loves me not.  He loves me, he loves me not."

 

"Who loves you?" Roxas wanted to know.

 

She smiled.  "I don't know.  You say that when you get a flower, and you pull the petals off.  The one you say when you pull off the last petal is the one that's true."

 

"Oh.  Can I play?"

 

"Sure!"  She pulled off another petal.  "He loves me."  She held out the flower to Roxas.

 

"He loves me not," Roxas said, pulling off a petal.

 

"He loves me," Xion said, pulling off a petal.

 

"He loves me n--"

 

"Roxas!" Mommy yelled.  "What are you _doing_?!"

 

"Playing the petal game."

 

"Put that back!  Oh my gosh, put that back right now!  Why are you tearing flowers apart in the middle of the restaurant!?  Xem, I am so sorry, he's usually not like this...."

 

Roxas looked at Axel.  Saïx was over there, too, but Roxas looked straight at Axel and wouldn't look at Saïx at all.  "Axel, is the petal game bad?"

 

Axel just laughed.  "Rox-my-socks, you never fail to make my day."

 

"Rox-my--  _What_?" Saïx said.

 

Roxas couldn't glare at Saïx, so he glared at the table.

 

Axel came over and picked him up.  "You stay away from my brother," Axel said.

 

"Yeah," Roxas said, and stuck his tongue out at Saïx.

 

Mommy was trying to clean up the flowers, but she looked up RIGHT when he did it and she got the mad look on her face.  "Precious," she said, grabbing his arm, "come with me."

 

"No!  No!  I'll say I'm sorry!  I'll be good!  Axel, help!"

 

Xem put a hand on her arm.  "Darling, it's all right, just let it go.  I'm sure Roxas will be fine once he gets some food.  You're all right, aren't you, Saïx?"

 

The eating eyes _hurt_ , Roxas wasn't even looking at them and they were scary, so he hid his face against Axel's shoulder.  He was afraid that Axel would be mad, because he'd told him not to hide, but Axel just hugged him tighter.

 

"I'm perfectly fine," Saïx said.

 

"There, see?  Let's find our seats and let the children settle down."

 

Mommy didn't look happy, but she said, "Fine."  And she let go of his arm.

 

Xem was good.  He had yellow eyes like Saïx's, but he told Mommy not to punish him for sticking his tongue out at Saïx, so he was okay.

 

Roxas and Axel and Xion colored on the kids' menu as they waited for ages and ages and AGES for the food to come.  Then the food came and it was really good, but when he finished the grown-ups were still eating, even Axel.  Roxas took out his game.

 

"Roxas," Mom yelled, "put that away."

 

"I'm bored."

 

She leaned over and smiled her scary smile and said in her scary voice, "Roxas, my precious, you need to put the game away _now_ , or else...."

 

She didn't say the or else, but Roxas knew or else.  "Okay," he said quickly, "I'm putting it away."  He sighed.

 

"Is that a video game?" Xion asked.

 

"Duh."

 

"Ooooh!"  Xion looked at Mommy.  "Lea, can I please look at Roxas's video game if I promise not to touch it?  Please?"

 

Mommy looked surprised.

 

"You like video games, Xion?" Axel asked.

 

"I've never seen one except at the store!  I want to see what it looks like."

 

"Oh my _gosh_!" Axel yelled.

 

"It has always been my philosophy that video games are a waste of time and unsuitable for a growing child's development," Xem said.  Roxas figured he meant video games were bad.

 

"Xion, you've _never_ played a video game?" Axel said.

 

She laughed.  Xion was crazy.  "Nope."

 

"Saïx!  Don't tell me you've never in your life--"

 

"Useless drivel," Saïx said.

 

"What's drivel?" Roxas asked.  Then he wished he hadn't, because Saïx gave him eating eyes again.

 

"Hey--" Axel started saying, but Mommy interrupted him.

 

"Ha ha ha ha ha!  That is so interesting, Xem, I'll have to consider that."

 

"Daddy, can I _please_ look at Roxas's video game?" Xion begged.  "Just to look at it?  Please?"

 

Xem sighed.  "Just for a moment, Xion."

 

"Yay!  Daddy, I love you!"

 

Now Saïx was giving _Xion_ eating eyes - but she acted like she didn't even notice.  Roxas was amazed.  Xion was amazing.

 

But she was staring at him like he was supposed to do something, and Roxas finally realized that he was supposed to show her his video game.  "Oh."  He pulled the DS out of his pocket.  "See."

 

"Wooowww...."  She leaned forward and stared at it like it was the coolest thing ever.  "Can I touch it?"

 

"Yeah."

 

She put her finger on it.  "It's red."

 

"Yeah."

 

She smiled.  "You should get a purple one, Roxas."

 

"No way!" he yelled.  "That's a girl color!"

 

"But it's pretty," she insisted.

 

Xem made a noise, and Mommy said, "All right, darling, put it away now."

 

Roxas sighed and stuck it back in his pocket.

 

Bored bored bored bored boooorrrreeeeddddd.  Grown-ups were so _boring_ when there was nothing to eat.  Mommy told them to color again, but that was boring too and Roxas wanted to play his video game and go home and watch Samurai X on TV.

 

"Roxas, do you want to play ponies with me?" Xion asked.

 

Ponies were for girls.  But Roxas was so _bored_.  He looked at Axel.  Axel gave him a funny look, but then smiled and kind of waved his hand.

 

"Okay," Roxas said.

 

Xion looked really happy.  "Yay!  Here, you can take Glimmerbreeze, and I'll be Twilight Sparkle."

 

Roxas looked at the pony she gave him.  "This is a boy pony," he said.

 

"Huh?  No, Glimmerbreeze is a girl!"

 

"I'm a _boy pony_ ," Roxas said.  "My name's Katana."

 

"That's not a pony name!"

 

"I'm not gonna play ponies with you unless I get to be Katana," he tried.

 

She stuck her tongue out at him.  "Fine."

 

He stuck his tongue out at her.  "Fine."

 

She made her pony bounce along the edge of the table.  Roxas had never played ponies before and he didn't really know what to do, so he bounced his pony toward hers.

 

"Hello, my dear Glim--  I mean, Katana," Xion said in a high squeaky voice.  "It's a lovely day, isn't it?"

 

"It's nighttime," Roxas said.

 

"Oh, I suppose you're right!  Here, we _must_ get inside, it's quite cold out here."

 

"No, it's not."

 

Xion looked at him like he was being annoying.  "Is it hot, then?" she asked in her normal voice.

 

"I dunno.  I guess so."

 

"All right," she said in her squeaky voice.  "Then we had better get inside where the air conditioning is!"

 

"Okay."  They trotted their ponies down under the table.  Roxas sat on Axel's feet, and Xion kneeled down facing him.

 

"Oh, this is very nice in here!" she said.

 

"Yeah."  It was kind of fun, hiding under the table.

 

"Glimmer--  I mean, Katana, would you like a cup of tea?"

 

"Ew, no."

 

"Very well, then would you like some milk?"

 

"I want soda."

 

"Oh.  Um...."  Xion looked confused for a minute.  Then she shrugged and said, "Okay.  Sit down right here at the table and I will serve it."  She tipped her pony and made pouring noises.

 

"Xion," Roxas asked, "did you see Saïx giving you eating eyes earlier?"

 

"What are eating eyes?" she asked in her normal voice.

 

"You know.  When his eyes are all glowy and push at you."

 

Xion tilted her head.  "You mean when he gets mad?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"He wasn't mad at me, was he?"

 

"He looked at you like that when you told Xem you love him."

 

"You mean when Daddy let me see your game?  Saïx wasn't mad then."

 

"Yes he was.  He tried to eat you."

 

"You're being silly.  He doesn't like when I say 'I love you' all the time because he doesn't love me as much as I love him, and it makes him sad."

 

"Really?"

 

"Yeah."  She looked a little sad too, but then she said, "It's okay, though.  He still loves me a little bit, and he wouldn't ever let anything bad happen to me."

 

"Axel won't let anything bad happen to me, either.  He punched a bad guy in the nose once.  It was cool."

 

Xion giggled.  "I don't think Saïx would ever punch someone in the nose.  He just looks at them and they get scared and run away."

 

"Yeah.  He's scary."

 

Xion frowned.  "No, he's not."

 

"Yes, he is."

 

"No, he's not."

 

"Yes, he is."

 

"No, he's _not_."

 

"Yes, he is."

 

"Stop saying that about my brother!"

 

She looked like she was going to cry, so Roxas stopped.  "I won't say anything mean about your brother if you like him."

 

"Okay," she said, but now she was crying for real.

 

Roxas put the pony down so he could push the tears off her face.  "Don't cry.  Why are you crying?"

 

"I love my big brother."

 

She was so weird.  "Okay," he said, because he didn't know what else to say.

 

"Roxas, why don't you like him?"

 

"Because he doesn't like me."

 

"That's not true.  He doesn't like Lea and he's mad at Daddy and he's scared of Axel, but he's okay with you."

 

"Huh?  How do you know that?"

 

"His eyes told me."

 

"They talked?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"Eyes can't talk."

 

"Saïx's can.  And Daddy's, and Uncle Xigbar's, and everyone's."

 

"Because they're yellow?"

 

"I don't know.  I guess so."

 

"How come I can't hear them?"

 

"I don't know.  No one can except me."  She bounced her pony along the floor.  "Maybe it's because I'm the only one who likes them."

 

Roxas thought about this.  "So if I like Saïx, his eyes will talk and he won't try to eat me anymore?"

 

"You should like Saïx.  He's nice when he's not hiding."

 

Light suddenly flooded their little cave as the tablecloth was lifted.  "They're under here," said Saïx's voice.

 

"What are they doing under there?!" Mommy cried.

 

"Aw, leave 'em alone," said Axel.

 

Saïx's face appeared, looking at them.  His eyes were just as scary as before.  Roxas wanted to hide behind Xion, but instead he said, "I like you."

 

Saïx's mouth opened a little.  Then he said, " _What_?" and his eyes really hurt, so Roxas hid behind Xion after all.

 

"He really does," Xion told Saïx.

 

"Xion."  Roxas could feel Xem's eyes burning at them _through the table_.  "You disappoint me.  Your behavior at the moment is very rude and uncivilized."

 

Xion crawled out and stood up.  "I'm sorry, Daddy."

 

Roxas climbed up into Axel's lap and held him tight, hiding his face.  Axel's arms were around him, protecting him.  Nothing could get to him through Axel.

 

"Mom, they're bored," Axel said.  "Can I take them to that arcade across the street?"

 

"Absolutely not," Xem said in a deep voice.

 

Roxas shivered.  Axel's arms tightened around him.  "Geez, I was just _asking_!  And I was asking _my mom_ , anyway.  Not you."

 

"Axel," Mommy said, sounding mad.  "Don't speak to Xem that way."

 

"Why, is he my dad or something?" Axel said.  There was something wrong with his voice.  Something ugly.  Roxas suddenly didn't feel so safe.

 

Axel stood up.  "You can make Xion stay here and bore herself to sleep, but I'm taking Roxas across the street."

 

 _'I don't want to leave Xion behind,'_ Roxas thought.  He wondered if he should say it out loud.  He expected Axel to walk away with him, but Axel didn't move and didn't move, and Roxas finally looked up again.

 

Xion was staring at them.  Oh.  She knew how to make the face, too.  It didn't always work on Mommy, but Roxas could get Axel to do anything he wanted when he made that face.

 

"Xem," Axel finally said, "you don't...mind if...I take Xion to that bookstore with us, do you?"

 

"If it's the bookstore, then that's fine with me," said Xem.

 

"Any reason for the sudden change of tune?" Saïx asked.

 

"Shut up."  Axel took Xion's hand, and the three of them went out to walk across the street and go into the bookstore.  Roxas and Xion brought a whole pile of books to Axel, and then they sat on his lap and looked at the pictures and listened to him read until Mommy and Xem and Saïx came to make them all go home.

 

They had to play with Saïx and Xion a lot.  Roxas liked playing with Xion, but Saïx was still scary and Roxas didn't even want to try to like him anymore.  No one could like him except Xion.  So Roxas hid from the eyes and let Axel yell at Saïx for him while he went off to play with Xion.

 

Mommy was getting married.  Roxas didn't really know what that meant, just that it was important, and it was something Mommy did with daddies.  Just Roxas's daddy and Xem, though; the others didn't count for some reason.

 

They couldn't spend any money for a while, and they were going to move in with Xion and Xem and Saïx.  Roxas didn't want to move, and he didn't want to be near Saïx ever, but Mommy didn't listen.

 

"Cheer up, Rox-my-socks," Axel said.  "At least we'll be rich when Mom marries Xem.  He'll probably try to buy your love and he'll get you all the toys you want."

 

"All the toys I want?"

 

"Yup."

 

"Even Buzz Lightyear?"

 

"Probably."

 

"I want Buzz Lightyear."

 

"Sure.  Tell him that next time you see him."

 

Xem wasn't bad, but Roxas still didn't like being close to him.  "You tell him."

 

Axel sighed.  Roxas's skin felt all crawly.  He had to make Axel smile and like him and be proud of him, so he was going to be as brave as he could and say that he would ask Xem himself, but then Axel said, "All right, I'll tell him."

 

"...Okay."  Roxas felt bad.  He should be the one to tell Xem and make Axel smile again.  But he couldn't now.

 

Axel was gone.  Mommy was leaving, too.  With Xem.  She was gonna leave Roxas all alone with Saïx.  "Don't go away, Mommy."

 

She held him and stroked his hair.  It felt nice.  "Oh, _sweet_ heart.  Mommy's just gonna be gone for a little while, don't worry.  You're gonna have so much fun with Saïx that you won't even remember I'm gone, right?"

 

That wasn't true.  He looked up at Saïx.  Saïx smiled, but was giving him eating eyes.  "I want Axel.  Saïx is gonna eat me."

 

"Don't be silly, precious!  Saïx is a very nice young man...."

 

Mommy left, and Roxas went upstairs to hide, but even though he waited and waited and waited, Saïx didn't come after him.  Finally he got too bored and went to go look.

 

Saïx was in his room, doing work at his desk.  "Saïx," Roxas said, holding on tight to the doorknob.  He was scared of the eating eyes, but Saïx didn't even turn around.  He didn't answer, either.  Maybe he couldn't hear.  "You're supposed to be baby-sitting," Roxas said louder.  "You have to come play with me."  He was scared of being chased, but he kind of wanted to be chased because it wouldn't be boring.  As long as Saïx didn't catch him.  He didn't mind if Axel caught him, but he was going to run and run and make sure Saïx never caught him.

 

"What I have to do is my homework.  Go away."

 

Roxas was surprised.  He didn't think Saïx would want to stay away from him, too.  "You're mean."

 

"You catch on quickly."

 

Huh?

 

Saïx was still working.  He hadn't even looked at him.  Maybe he didn't want to eat Roxas with his eyes, and that's why he was looking down.  That was good, but it was so boring, and Roxas couldn't stand it if he had to be all alone until Mommy FINALLY came back.  Xem had told Saïx to have fun with Roxas, and Saïx wasn't doing it.  He was being bad and would get in trouble.  "I'll tell Mommy that you left me all alone."

 

"Good.  Perhaps they won't trust me to baby-sit you in the future."

 

Saïx didn't _want_ to baby-sit him?  Weird.  Roxas thought he was the only one who didn't want to be baby-sat by Saïx.  "I don't like you," he said, hoping Saïx would get mad and turn around and look at him so he could run away and get chased.

 

It didn't work.  "The feeling is mutual."

 

What did that mean?  "Don't use big words."

 

"It's not my fault that you don't know what they mean."

 

Saïx really was mean.  That's okay.  Axel was smart.  "I'll ask Axel."

 

"You can try, though I doubt he'll be able to help with that small brain of his."

 

HE SAID SOMETHING MEAN ABOUT AXEL.  NO ONE CAN SAY BAD STUFF ABOUT AXEL.  "Axel's smart.  He knows everything."  Axel was the smartest person in the world, he always knew about confusing stuff and was a good explainer.

 

"Why is he in tutoring, then?"

 

Tutoring was what kids did so they wouldn't be grounded when they made bad grades.  Saïx wasn't right, Saïx wasn't right Saïx wasn't right Saïx couldn't be right.  No.  Stupid Saïx.  It wasn't true, Axel was smart.

 

Saïx was too big, Roxas couldn't hit him, and he didn't know what to say, either; Saïx was too smart and he'd make Roxas feel dumb.  _'I hate him.'_   Roxas slammed the door and kicked it.

 

Why wouldn't Saïx look at him?  Was he hiding?  Why would he hide if he was so big and mean?  Maybe he just didn't want to play.  He was so mean.  Roxas was kind of glad that he didn't have to see the eating eyes, but Saïx was just sitting there locked up in his room and he was so _boring_ , just like a grown-up.  How could Xion stand him?

 

"Fine.  I can play by myself."

 

Roxas went to Xion's room, but all her toys were boring and girly.  Then he went to the kitchen to look for a snack, and there was some marshmallows.  He could make a fire and toast them.  Axel had showed him how.  This time he could do it all by himself, and Axel would be proud of him.

 

"I need matches."  Mommy kept them at the back of the cabinet.  Roxas pushed a chair over and climbed on it and then on the counter.  He stood up and pulled stuff out of the cabinets and looked in the backs of them.  He found some matches.

 

"And I need newspaper."  There was some paper on Xem's desk.  Roxas took it to the fireplace and crumpled them all up into paper balls.  The poker was heavy, but he was a big boy and he could lift it, so he poked the paper under the grate, all the way to the back until it was all stuffed.

 

"And I need some sticks."  There were sticks outside.  Roxas put them on top of the paper, and he found a bigger branch and put that on top, too.  "Now comes the hard part...."

 

He pushed the match across the red part of the box.  Nothing happened.  He did it again.  Nothing happened and nothing happened, and the sulfur stuff was no good anymore, so he took out another match and tried again.  Nothing.  "Stupid match!"  He pushed harder, and the match broke.

 

He put matches in a pile, and yelled at the box and finally wanted to cry he was so mad, but he was GOING TO MAKE THIS WORK, he wasn't going to give up because Axel wouldn't be proud of him if he gave up.  "Light up, you stupid match, _light_."

 

There were twelve matches in the little pile, but the thirteenth one worked, FINALLY.  Roxas carefully held the flame to the edge of the paper.  "Come on, little fire, you can eat that," he told it.  He touched the flame to another edge.  Then another.  But it ate too much of the stick now, so he threw it with the other sticks, and then he threw the dead matches with the sticks, too.  He watched the fire hard, telling it not to die, and it didn't, it ate and ate and got bigger, and then it started eating the wood and not just the paper.  "Good boy!  I knew you could do it."

 

Whoops.  He forgot to bring the marshmallow sticks, the skewers.  "I have to find skewers."  He couldn't find them in the kitchen, so he got another stick from outside, a long one he could put marshmallows on the end of.

 

The black paper was all over the grate but there was still some white paper the fire hadn't eaten yet, he had to push it all back together so the fire wouldn't get lost.  He picked up the poker

 

OW OW OW OW OW OW HURTS IT HURTS AXEL HELP _OW_.  It hurt, what was he gonna do, it hurt, his hand hurt, what happened, the poker was hot, why was it hot, it was lying in the fire and it got hot and ow his hand hurt what was he gonna do he wanted Mommy he wanted Mommy he wanted Mom--

 

"Roxas!"

 

AAAHHHH.  Saïx.  Saïx was here, Saïx came down and his eyes he was so mad he was going to grab him and hurt him and his hand hurt and Roxas had to get up and run but Saïx grabbed him.  "No!"

 

Saïx ignored him, but he wasn't looking at him with the eating eyes anymore.  His hand hurt.  "Put me down," Roxas told him, scared to death.  He wanted to fight and get down, but his hand hurt and he couldn't let go of his hand and he wanted Axel here to yell at Saïx like usual and help him, but Axel was gone.  "Let go."

 

Saïx didn't take him somewhere dark, he put him by the sink and turned the sink on and was grabbing his hand.

 

" _No_ ," Roxas told him.  He had to _listen_ , why wouldn't he listen?

 

"Give me your hand," said Saïx.

 

"Don't hurt me," Roxas said, trying to get away but he couldn't get away.

 

"I'm trying to _help_ you.  Give me your hand."

 

Why would he say that, that was stupid, his hand hurt and he wanted to get away from Saïx and why wasn't Axel here, Axel was _stupid_ and he hated Axel and Axel left him alone, he wanted Mommy.  Mommy left him alone, too.  His hand hurt.  He wanted to run, Saïx wouldn't let him.

 

"No!  Don't hurt me!"

 

Saïx was grabbing him.  Roxas wanted to fight, but he couldn't let go of his hand and Saïx was making him let go of his hand and he couldn't let him, had to stop him had to stop him no no no couldn't reach his hand couldn't move, no, stop it stop it--

 

"Is this the one you hurt?  Come _on_ , Roxas, we need to be quick."

 

"Stop it!  Mommy!"  They _left him alone_.  Roxas hated them.  Why did Saïx have to be so big, it wasn't _fair_.

 

"Be quiet, your mother's gone."

 

They.  Had.  Left him.  They didn't care about him.  They didn't care what Saïx did to him.

 

He could feel tears coming down his cheeks, and he wasn't supposed to cry in front of bad people but he couldn't help it, and it didn't matter anyway because if Axel was gone then it didn't matter if Roxas couldn't make him proud of him.  "I want Axel," he said.  Stupid Axel had left him all alone, _why_?  Why did he have to do that?

 

"All you've got is me.  Deal with it."

 

Couldn't do anything, couldn't move.  Couldn't stop him.  It wasn't fair when they were bigger than him.  It wasn't _fair_.  _'I have to be stronger,'_ Roxas thought.  He had to get bigger and stronger so that people couldn't do things to him that he didn't want them to do.  _'When Axel's gone, I have to do it myself.'_   He wished he had known that before.

 

But maybe it was okay.  His hand didn't hurt anymore.  The water was cold, but it didn't hurt like the poker had.  He couldn't move, but maybe if he was good Saïx would let him go.

 

"It doesn't hurt, does it?"

 

_'Shut up.  You're mean.  I'm not gonna tell you you're right.'_

 

Saïx let him go.  He still held Roxas's hand in the water, but Roxas could move a little bit now, he scooted back and put his other hand down and sat straight.  He was good, and Saïx let him go.  Maybe if he was gooder, Saïx would let him go all the way.

 

"All right, I'm going to put some ice on it now."

 

What's that why no don't, don't do anything else, don't hurt me "Don't--"

 

"I'm _not_."

 

Was that true?  Roxas didn't know.  Maybe.

 

"Here's a washcloth.  Dry your hand."

 

Saïx let him go.  Roxas sat and held the cloth and stared at Saïx as Saïx went to the freezer and opened the door.

 

Saïx let him go.  He had been good, that was why.  He wanted to get down, but the counter was too high and he was scared of his hand.  He put the cloth on his hand to get the water off.  His hand started to hurt again.  It scared him.  "It hurts," he said.  Saïx made it stop before.  _'Make it stop again.  It hurts.'_

 

Saïx came back and took his hand don't hurt me don't hurt me don't hurt me put the ice on his hand, don't hurt me, it was cold but he didn't press hard.  "Well, that's what happens when you stick your hand in a fire."

 

 _'What?!  No!  That's stupid!  I didn't stick my hand in the fire!  You're STUPID, and you're a moron, if course I wouldn't do that, dummy!'_   "I didn't stick my hand in the fire!  I'm not stupid!"

 

"How did you burn yourself, then?"

 

Looking at him with the eyes again, and he didn't like it but he was mad and he could kind of look back and wasn't as scared as he thought.

 

But then he felt stupid.  _'If I was smart, I wouldn't have burned my hand.'_   He looked away, because Saïx was right to look at him bad.  "Didn't know the poker would get hot that fast."  He shouldn't have left it in the fire.  He should have pulled it out before it got hot.  Couldn't let Axel know that.  Maybe it was okay if Saïx knew, but he couldn't tell Axel, Axel would think he was dumb.

 

"Well.  Now you know."

 

Yeah.  Now he knew.  He wouldn't make that mistake again.

 

His throat hurt.  He had been stupid.  Axel tried to teach him how to make a fire, and he messed it up.  He didn't want Axel now, or Mommy; they wouldn't be smiling at him.  He'd rather have Saïx, because Saïx didn't like him so it was okay to be dumb in front of Saïx.  He could cry in front of Saïx, because Saïx was already not smiling and Saïx was never proud of him, so it was okay to be dumb in front of Saïx.  Roxas pulled him closer so he could have something to cry on without anyone seeing him.

 

Saïx put his hand on his back and patted him.  Roxas didn't think he would do something like that, but he did.  Yeah, that was good.  Now he wouldn't have to cry in front of Axel, and Axel would never know he cried.

 

He finished crying and Saïx got some stuff out and wrapped up his hand.  His hand still hurt, but that was okay.  Saïx was making it better.  Saïx put him on the couch and went away, and Roxas looked at his hand.  It hurt, but there was a big white Band-Aid all over it, it was gonna be okay.  Saïx was smart.

 

Saïx came back and turned the TV on, that was good, he was too tired to get up and play but now he wouldn't be bored, and Saïx came to sit with him on the couch.  _'That's good,'_ Roxas thought.  _'He won't leave me alone like Axel and Mommy did.'_   He liked Saïx a lot now.

 

 _'Hey.  I like Saïx a lot now.  Maybe I can hear his eyes talk now like Xion can.'_   He got up and put the hand that didn't hurt on Saïx's shoulder so he could see his eyes.

 

_'Woooowwww.  They really are talking.  That is so cool.'_

 

"What are you doing?" Saïx said with his mouth, but his eyes were saying something different.  _"I'm such an idiot, why did I do that, why did I leave Roxas all alone, he got hurt and it's all my fault and Father's going to be furious at me...."_

 

Roxas felt bad for him.  "It's okay," he said.  "You helped me.  Mommy and Xem won't be mad."

 

Saïx glared.  _"What is he talking about?  He sounds like...Xion, when she looks at me like that.  Stop looking at me, you're making me nervous."_   "Get off me.  Watch the movie."

 

This was so cool.  He could, like, read Saïx's mind.  Saïx wasn't scary at all, he was just a normal guy and he was scared of things, too.  "Okay."  Roxas lay down again and put his head on Saïx's leg and watched the movie.  Saïx's computer typing was annoying, but that was okay.  He wasn't going away.  Roxas was sleepy.

 

He woke up and Saïx was holding him--  No, Axel was holding him.  What?

 

Hey, Axel was back.  Axel didn't know he'd been dumb, so it was okay to tell him he got hurt.  "Look."  Roxas showed him his hand.  Axel was going to pay lots of attention to him.

 

"Ehhhh, what happened to you?!"

 

Yeeessss.  Lots and lots of attention.  He liked it when Axel liked him.  "Me and Saïx toasted marshmallows like you showed me last time."

 

"You and _Saïx_ tried to toast _marshmallows_?"

 

Hee, Axel didn't believe him.  Axel still thought Saïx was mean.

 

They both looked at Saïx, and Saïx stared back at them.  _"I don't understand,"_ Saïx's eyes were saying.  _"Why would Roxas protect me?  I messed up, he should hate me."_

 

 _'I don't hate you,'_ Roxas thought happily.  _'It's okay that you messed up.  I messed up, too.  We're both okay, so it's fine.  I'm glad you're going to be my brother, now.'_

 

"Roxas burned his hand on the poker."

 

"You burned your _hand_?"

 

Heeee, Axel didn't care about anything but him.  "Yeah, but Saïx fixed it."

 

Saïx said something about ice and went to go hide, and Axel took the Band-Aid off his hand to look.  His hand hurt a lot, but that was okay.  Axel cared about him a lot.

 

"Wait, Saïx let you handle the poker?"

 

Uhhhh....  "Yeah."

 

Oops.  Axel wasn't buying it.  "Saïx was watching you, and he let you pick it up?"

 

Axel knew he was lying, no no no no _no_ , why had he messed up like that?  _'I'm so stupid!'_   "Um, yes?"

 

Uh oh.  He was in trouble, because Axel was trapping him and he couldn't get away, and Axel knew he was lying, _no_.  _'Go away!'_

 

"Roxas Aubade, you are lying to me."

 

 _'Nooooo!  Don't be mad at me, please don't be mad at me!'_   "I'm not lying!"  _'Don't be mad at me!'_   Axel said something to Mommy when she knew he was lying.  "I'm giving selective details."

 

Axel had a funny look on his face.  He looked like he was about to cry.  _'Oops.'_   Man, Roxas was messing up so bad.

 

"Roxas, something went wrong tonight, and you got hurt.  I need to know _exactly_ what happened so that I can....  So that I can make sure it doesn't happen again."

 

Oh.  Well...that made sense.  Still....  Roxas didn't want him to yell at Saïx anymore.  It had been fun before, but now he liked Saïx and he knew it hurt getting yelled at.  Roxas tried to explain.  "No one will play with me.  You and Mommy left me alone."  _'Don't do that ever, ever again.'_   "I tried to do what Xion said, but I think Saïx was hiding from me because it didn't work until I burned my hand.  Then he was scary and I was scared, but when I stopped being scared I could see it.  So I guess it worked, but it hurt, and I got tired and fell asleep in _Aladdin_."

 

Axel looked kind of confused.  Maybe Saïx was right, and he really was dumb....

 

NO.  Axel wasn't dumb.  Maybe Roxas just wasn't a good explainer.  He was about to tell Axel to listen to Saïx's eyes, but Axel started talking again.

 

"What do you mean about Xion?  She told you to do something?"

 

"Remember when you told me how to fight Saïx's eyes?  It didn't work, so I asked Xion.  She said if you like Saïx and Xem, then their eyes aren't scary unless they're mad for real.  So I tried to like Saïx.  But he was in his room and he wouldn't look at me, just kept staring at his book and his computer.  He was mean, so I got mad and tried to play by myself.  But my hand burned, and Saïx was really mad but when he was putting my hand in the sink and it wasn't hurting, I wasn't scared anymore and I looked at his eyes.  Xion's right.  He wasn't mad, he was scared and he wanted to fix me."

 

Axel looked like he didn't believe him.  "...He told you that?"

 

"His eyes did."  Duh.

 

"Well, I'll look into that, but first, buddy, you and me need to have a talk about fire and things called conductors...."

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  I'm pretty much with Xem and Saïx on the video game thing, despite the fact that I'm writing a fanfic for a video game series. *sweatdrop*

 

 **I forgot to mention this in the last chapter!  I didn't come up with the name "Twilight Sparkle," it's the name of the main character from _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_.**   I did make up the other pony names, though.

 

"Samurai X" is the title that the Rurouni Kenshin anime (adapted from my favorite manga) sometimes appears under in English dubs, but I wouldn't consider it appropriate for a young kid to watch.  In this universe, it's either an unrelated, more kid-friendly cartoon, or there's some Bad Parenting going on. :p

 

A katana is a Japanese sword, and also the name of Kenji's dog in my RuroKen fic _The Lost Hatchling_.

 

Btw.  I feel kind of silly trying to explain this seriously, but children who have the "key" to those gold eyes can understand them more clearly than older people can, which is why Axel and Roxas perceive the unspoken language a bit differently.  Like, Roxas seeing it in sentences whereas Axel just gets individual emotions.

 

Writing five-year-old Roxas is so incredibly fun. X3  I like him better than teenage canon Roxas, actually. XD


	5. Siblings All the Way {Saix}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Siblings All the Way** (ROUGH DRAFT)

 

Summary:  The bonds between us are thicker than blood.

 

A/N:  Saïx's POV.

 

o.o.o

 

Just because I was good at schoolwork didn't mean I automatically made a good tutor.  Axel probably couldn't write the essay required by the application to save his life, but I also probably could not have assisted him in any useful way to save my own life.  ...Short of simply writing the essay myself.  Which I refused to do.

 

"Aaarrrggghhh, this is so stupid, why do I even need to do this stupid program, anyway!?"

 

"So that you can pad out your college applications and future job resume with extracurricular activities, get accepted to a good university, and make our parents look better," I tried to explain through gritted teeth.  "Now come _on_.  If you honestly do have so little ambition in life, then make something up."

 

"In my future, I want to be an astronaut," he said mockingly.

 

I was sorely tempted to pick up my copy of _Les Misérables_ and hit him in the face with it.

 

We both heard the children rampaging upstairs, and Axel had already swiveled around in his seat and was poised to greet them when they barged in.

 

"Police!" Roxas shouted.  "This is a stick-up!"

 

" _No_ , Roxas!" Xion insisted, "That's what you say when you're the bad guy!"

 

"Put your hands in the air," Roxas ordered, pointing his fingers at Axel in the shape of a gun.

 

"What'd I do, Officer?" Axel whined as he complied.

 

"You ran a red light," Roxas said importantly.  "I'm gonna shoot you."

 

I shut my eyes and rubbed at my temples in exasperation.

 

Xion sounded just as frustrated.  "Roxas, I thought we were playing traffic cop."

 

"Yeah.  We are."

 

I opened my eyes again.  "Police officers don't shoot people for running red lights."

 

"The one on TV did."

 

"That was an action movie, Rox-my-socks," Axel clarified.  He actually looked _amused_ about all this.  Well, of course he did - all the disruption meant that he could procrastinate on the assignment some more.  "Movies aren't real."

 

"I know that.  I'm not dumb."

 

"He means that they're often not realistic, either," I said in my own attempt at clarification.

 

"You're confusing."  Roxas wandered away again with Xion.

 

I sighed.  "All right, so getting back to your outline--"

 

"Hey, look, a puppy!"

 

".........Did you... _honestly_ expect such a juvenile attempt at distraction to work?"

 

"Nope.  But couldn't hurt to try, right?"

 

I shook my head.  "Axel, please.  We've _got_ to get through this, and the sooner we buckle down to work, the sooner we'll finish and never have to worry about it again.  Please, just for a few minutes, _focus_ and think about what--"  I stopped.  We both listened to the sound of something heavy banging its way upstairs.

 

The children barged into my room again, this time using a box with the bottom knocked out of it as some sort of play-vehicle.

 

"You're under arrest," Xion announced.

 

"Oh nooooo!" Axel cried, throwing himself to the floor at her feet.  Apparently he couldn't even stand being in close proximity to anything resembling schoolwork.

 

"You speeded!" Roxas accused with relish, wriggling out from the box and sitting on Axel's back to pin his hands.  His version of handcuffing, perhaps.

 

"I wasn't speeding, I swear!" Axel insisted in an exaggerated whine.

 

"Yes, you were!  I'm taking you to jail!"

 

"Excuse me, sir," Xion said to me politely, "I'm gonna need to see some I.D."

 

"If I give it to you, will you go away?"

 

"Yup."

 

I retrieved my school I.D. card and handed it over, not trusting her with my driver's license.

 

"Thanks!"

 

I folded my arms on my desk and rested my head on them, wishing that everyone, including Axel and his stupid assignment, would just go _away_.

 

"Pleeeaase, pleeeeeeaaaaaaase don't arrest me, offic--  _Ow_!"

 

"You're a bad guy!"

 

"Ow--  Okay, look, Rox, enough's enough--"

 

"Xion, read 'im his rights!"

 

" _Owwwww_ , Roxas!  For crying out loud, there's only so much abuse I can take here!"

 

I finally just got up and stalked out of my own room.

 

"Help!  Sai!  Police brutality!"

 

Ignoring him, I shut the door and headed downstairs.  Of course, there was almost nothing to _do_ downstairs, so I began rummaging around in the pantry.

 

Father found me just as I was sitting down to eat.  "Did Axel finish that assignment?"

 

"...No, sir."  I was already getting up again.

 

Back in my room, the children had our entire family's identification cards spread out on the floor, and were poring over them:  Father's, Lea's, and Axel's driver's licenses, my school I.D., and the children's own lunch cards with their student numbers on them.  Axel was flipping through a comic.

 

"Saïx?" Xion asked.  "Why do Roxas and Axel have different last names?"

 

I looked down.  _Xem Nas Acerbi_ , _Lea Isa Hayes-King_ , _Axel Deucalion Hayes_ , _Saïx Sirius Acerbi_ , _Xion Acerbi_ , _Roxas Aubade King_.  I had never seen our names all together like this before.

 

Axel silently sat up and pulled Roxas into his lap, holding him close as if to protect him from something.  Or as if trying not to lose him.

 

"Well," I said slowly, answering my sister's question, "it seems like they might have different fathers."  If it was true, I would not be at all surprised.

 

Axel glared at me.  "We're _brothers_."

 

Roxas turned serious blue eyes to me and said, as if he was reciting something he had long ago memorized, "It doesn't matter who my father is or your father is, we are brothers and always will be, no matter what happens.  Brothers all the way."

 

"Yeah," Axel said proudly.  "That's right."

 

Xion was staring at them with great interest.  "So Roxas and Axel have different daddies like how I have different mommies?"

 

Axel blinked.  "Wait, what?"

 

He hadn't known.  "Xion is of no blood relation to us at all," I said quietly.

 

He gaped at me.  Roxas just looked annoyed, the way he always did when I used vocabulary he didn't know.

 

Xion was giving me a worried look.  She crawled closer to me and said anxiously, "I'm still your sister, right?"

 

Of course she was.  I laid a hand on her head, meeting her eyes squarely.  "When you entered our household, you became one of us."  She smiled and reached up to grasp my arm with both hands, holding it there so that I could not pull away.  If I had been so inclined, which, for some reason, I wasn't.

 

"Wait," Axel said, "Xion's adopted?"

 

"My first mommy didn't want me anymore," Xion explained matter-of-factly, "so she said anyone else could have me.  Daddy and Saïx and my second mommy picked me and took me home to live with them."

 

"Well," I muttered, "I was hardly old enough at the time to have any say in the matter...."

 

Her grip on me tightened.  "But you still love me, Saïx, right?"

 

"Xion, you are my sister.  That will never change."  I had a duty to her that I would never forsake.

 

"Sisters all the way?" Roxas wondered.  I hate small children.

 

"Yeah," Xion said happily.  "Right, Axel?  Me and Saïx and you and Roxas, we're all brothers all the way too, right?"

 

"Of course, princess," Axel said firmly, apparently completely over his surprise.  " _Always_.  No matter what."

 

"Siblings all the way," I corrected in a grumble.  "Technically."

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  Once again, I am taking liberties....  Elementary school teachers usually keep track of the lunch cards for their class.  The kids don't really handle their own cards, and they definitely don't take them home.

 

This probably takes place shortly after the wedding (I'm having a lot of trouble pinning it to any specific place on the timeline), so I'm thinking it might be Lea's old I.D. card.

 

I picked "Acerbi" as the golden-eyed characters' surname in this universe because, according to the site I looked at, it means "heartless" (or "harsh"), derived from Italian. I thought it was better suited to a group surname for characters who are mostly in the Org and/or related to Xehanort, as opposed to trying to pick one of the individual surnames I've been coming up with.  For example, "Tsukino" (sorry, Sai XD) has relevance to Saix, but not to anyone else in his Stepsibsverse family.

 

By the way, this story is the overarching theme of the _Stepsiblings_ series. :)

 

And now that, after almost two months, I have FINALLY gotten Xion's (gigantic DX) "pilot episode" and this exposition story out of the way, I can _finally_ start posting all those drafts I've been finishing! :D


	6. Memories (part 1) {Xion}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Memories**

 

Summary:  Xion reminisces.

 

A/N:  This one was very difficult for me to write at first, so I apologize for the style, which is not at all how I expected it to turn out.  I eventually did find my groove, but **I still hate the perspective in this installment, it doesn't make sense.**   Unfortunately, I couldn't figure out how to convey what I needed to convey without making Xion sound really off.  Feel free to concrit on anything, since it's always good for me to know, I just probably won't be able to fix much. :/

 

 **Also, I was considering putting this story in the dark series because of a brief part in the beginning,** but then I found the rest of it too cute/funny for me to want to do that in the end.  Sorry, guys.  Vanitas is pretty bad in this universe....

 

**Part 1**

 

I remember a lot from when I was little, more than most people remember things, and I think it was because of those eyes my family has.  When you're able to see straight into people's hearts almost from infancy, it makes you grow up fast.

 

My first memory is seeing my father's eyes - Xem's, I mean; I don't remember my birth parents at all.  I must have been in a crib or something, but I just remember looking up and seeing gold, pinned by it at first.  Then they changed - it was like they reached out to claim me, and I started crying then because it was such a relief, feeling so lost and insecure, and now unexpectedly drawn back into warmth and light again, knowing that I _belonged_ now.

 

I have so few memories of my mother.  Mostly just her holding me - sometimes it was frightening, and sometimes it was sweet, but what I associate with Mother is being held.  I don't remember anything at all about her death, even though I was right there - she'd tried to take me with her.  No one has ever even been willing to talk to me seriously about it, though I've seen it reflected in Saïx's eyes sometimes.  It took him the longest time to really like me, but he has _always_ felt responsible for his family, and I've seen how much it haunts him that he came so close to losing me.  I know that Mother must have been so troubled, but all I can remember from her are those times of being held.  Saïx thinks that Mother is free now and can truly love us in a way she never could in this world, and I think he's right.  Every time we visit her grave, the scent of vanilla makes me feel at peace.

 

Most of it is Saïx.  I'm not sure why, but my brother raised me more than my parents really did....  I've always felt safest with him.  He may not have liked me much, but I was always irrevocably _his_.  When Father was gone or busy and Mother was upset, both of which happened often, it was always Saïx who played with me and took care of me.  Whenever anyone was mean to me, all I had to do was tell him, and then all he'd have to do was _look_ at them, and it would be over.  Only the rest of our family, and later Axel, were ever a match for him.

 

Meeting the rest of the family....  I didn't know what was happening at the time, all I knew was that it was cold and there were so many yellow eyes, staring at me and hurting me, and the arms around me weren't keeping me safe at all.  I wanted Saïx so badly, and then he was there and he was protecting me and he took me away to where it was safe.  Even when he would get annoyed with me, I still loved him so much, he always did his best for my sake.

 

Our cousin Van terrified me at first - that was the first time I ever saw someone get the better of Saïx, and it struck me to the soul.  I couldn't understand - still don't, really - how someone could have such love and such hate in him, all at the same time.  Van has always thought the world of me, always thought of me as something sweet and precious and unsullied, something to guard and treasure since he's given up on everything in his own life.  (He refuses to believe that all the trouble Roxas and I get into is due to joint effort.  He thinks Roxas has been a bad influence on me.)  It's sad, and the older I get, the sadder it seems to me.  I wish I could truly help him, instead of just watching like this.

 

In the meantime, though, it's good to know that Van does have a soft side, and convenient that he doesn't bother to Shield with me like he does with everyone else, and I'm glad that he and Saïx have been getting along at least a little better than they did when they were younger.  I want so much for my entire family to be able to enjoy life together, instead of trying to be at each other's throats all the time.

 

I almost lost Van, there at the very beginning.  I say it like that, because that's how it felt.  I try not to blame myself, because I know it wasn't my fault - I was still only a few weeks shy of my second birthday.  It's just that looking back on it now, I see what was going on, and it horrifies me how close I came to breaking my cousin's trust for good.

 

So much had happened already in my short life, and Saïx was the closest thing I had to stability.  Seeing Van hurt him like that, seeing the rock of my small world shaken...I wasn't even _capable_ of liking the person who had done that.  I could see the love practically shining in Van's eyes when he looked at me, and yet I could see the poison in it as well.  I didn't know what to make of it.  Just that he wasn't all bad somehow, yet he was dangerous, which was confusing and stupid.  I told him to be nice to Saïx and that he was scary, and he went away and I thought that would be the end of it.

 

The next memory I have of Van is very strong.  I don't remember where we were or how I'd ended up alone with him, or even how he was hurting me.  All I know was that I couldn't breathe and I thought I was going to die, and at the same time that horrible pain in his eyes, so strong in comparison to the weakness of his anger.  I remember the sight as if it was in a silent voice of gold:  _"Love me love me love me why don't you love me, I love you so much and if you hate me I'll die and I can't stand it so you have to die too."_

 

I knew what I needed to say in order to survive.  "I love you."  It took the last of my breath.  But it was enough.

 

He stared at me in shock, and I could breathe again.  "What?"

 

"I l-love you.  Please."

 

He started crying then.  There was joy in his eyes now, but it was just as weak as the anger had been.  That pain was still there, untouched.  And I remember how horrified I was to realize that people in that much pain could cause so much hurt to other people.  Young as I was, I vowed right then and there that I would always, always do my best to make people happy, so they wouldn't be in pain and so that I wouldn't ever be a reason for them to go and hurt someone else.

 

Van was devoted to me after that.  He came so often, maybe every day, and I was afraid of him for a long time but I always met him with a smile.  He would hold me and bring me things and play whatever games I wanted, and get in fights with Saïx who didn't trust him.

 

I remember watching their eyes....  They wouldn't always fight hand-to-hand, especially if I got between them, which I learned pretty early on.  I became good at going over to sit on the one on the ground and gaze soulfully up at the other, and almost every single time they would stop, though they'd continue the fight with their eyes.

 

 _"She's mine she's mine I hate you I hate you for getting her when she should have been MINE,"_ Van would glare.

 

 _"Stay away, I'm supposed to keep her safe and I_ won't _let you hurt her the way you've hurt me,"_ Saïx would glare back.

 

"I want ice cream," I'd say out loud.  "Vani, ice cream please?"  Or Saïx, if Van was the one I was sitting on.

 

And we'd all go out on the porch to eat ice cream, and the boys would sulk on either side of me as I chattered about anything that passed through my head.  _'Please, please be nice,'_ I would silently beg them.  _'Please don't hurt each other, because it hurts me too and I want to be_ happy _, not sad like this like you both make me all the time....'_

 

Like I said before, I don't remember anything about Mother's death.  From what I've pieced together, I think she might have drugged me first, so I'd be asleep when she did it.  All I remember is being in the hospital, seeing their eyes when I first woke up - Daddy and Saïx beside me, holding my hand, full of relief and also grieving.

 

With Saïx, too, the lingering horror and a new hurt...I've never been able to read it clearly, and it's faded over time, but I can still see it when he's in certain moods.  When he came home and found us, Mother dead and me on the verge of it, it's like that moment froze for him, like he can still carry it even after all this time.

 

Axel sees it, but he doesn't know what it is...he calls it 'Angstland.'  "Cut it out, Sai, you're being emo again."  Saïx never says a word, and I don't feel like the secret is mine to share.  Roxas sees it, too, but he thinks he can make it go away by making Mom - his mom, and now my mom too - give Saïx a hug.  That frozen moment fades from Saïx's eyes again, crowded out by annoyance and exasperation and condescension usually, but it's never gone.

 

Though every time we visit Mother's grave and the scent of vanilla wafts up around us...every time he looks at me with love and pride, which happens a lot more often ever since we met our brothers - that frozen moment gets a little weaker.  I hope that someday, with enough love, maybe it will get weak enough to where it can't hold together anymore, and maybe Saïx can finally let go of it.  That's one of the things I pray for him, anyway.

 

Saïx would kill me if I ever told anyone what his greatest fear is.  Not his real greatest fear, which I've seen in his eyes (though I don't think he even realizes what it is).  Rather, the one that actually sends him into a panic at a certain time every year.

 

It was about a year after Mother had died.  Daddy tucked me in and read me a story about snow, then kissed me and went away.  I didn't go to sleep, though.  I lay wide awake and listened for a long time until I finally heard him go to bed.  Then I waited some more, wondering if we would do the same thing we had done before.

 

The door finally opened, and Saïx came in without a sound.  I got up and he took my hand and we went into his room and into his closet and he shut the door.  I knew by then not to ask to turn the light on, so it was very dark and I was a little scared.  "Saïx?"

 

He didn't say anything, just took my hand again.  We went over to the corner and he wrapped me in a blanket, and I sat in his lap so he could hold me.

 

"I brought you something," he whispered.

 

He put something in my hand that felt like a cookie, so I put it in my mouth and it was sweet.  "These are Santa's cookies," I told him.  I was mad because even though I thought Santa was mean and scary, he also needed his cookies.  They were for _him_.  "If you steal Santa's cookies, he'll get mad and come look for us."

 

"They're extras from the pantry, I didn't take them from the plate.  Hush."

 

I finished eating the cookie, and he gave me another one.  "This is yours," I said, pushing it against his mouth.

 

"No.  I don't want any."  I wished I could see his eyes, but it was too dark.  Even though he brought treats for me, out of guilt I suppose, he always refused to even taste them himself.

 

"Aren't you hungry?"

 

"No."

 

"Aren't you sad?"  I could still feel him trembling a little as he held me.

 

"No."

 

I knew he was lying, but I couldn't see his eyes to be sure.  He was being annoying, but I also felt bad for him.  "Don't worry, big brother, I won't let anything bad happen to you."

 

"Hush."  He set something over my ears:  headphones.  All the songs were Christmas carols, which I liked better than the other Christmas songs because most of them sounded nicer.  For a while I was happy sitting there with him, with the music and the lingering sweetness on my tongue.  Christmas is the only time Saïx will ever let me cuddle with him without complaining - that's part of why I love Christmas so much, even though I also feel bad about how much trouble it causes my brother.

 

But eventually, even though I was getting sleepy, I realized that no matter how content I was, Saïx was still upset.  I pulled the headphones off again and heard what he must have been hearing all this time:  a stifling silence.  "Here, Saïx, you can have the headphones."

 

"No.  They're for you.  Go to sleep."

 

I stood up and tried to put them on his head, but he held my hands away and even though I couldn't see his eyes, I shivered because I could _feel_ them, and they hurt.  "Okay, stop, please, I'll stop.  Please don't give me yellow eyes."

 

"Sit down and go to sleep."

 

I pulled the blanket around myself again and lay back against him.  He wasn't shaking anymore, but I could still sense how unhappy he was, and without the Christmas carols whispering sweetly in my ears, I thought that the darkness was trying to suffocate us.  "Please sing to me," I asked.  He hates singing, but he has a nice voice.

 

"...."

 

"You can sing really soft.  Then you can still listen for bad things, right?"

 

He stroked my hair, and I thought for a minute that he wouldn't sing to me.  Then his voice, drifting gently around me, as protective as his arms resting around my shoulders.  _"Stay awake, don't rest your head; don't lie down upon your bed.  While the moon drifts in the skies, stay awake...don't close your eyes...."_

 

I woke up in my own my bed, with the sun starting to peep through my window on Christmas morning, and I thought at first that it had all been a dream.  But then I saw Saïx later, and the relief and shame and unhappiness in his eyes, and I knew it hadn't been a dream.

 

"Saïx," I asked, after we had opened presents and Daddy went away to his office, "why do we sleep in the closet every Christmas?"

 

"...I'd rather not answer that," he mumbled.

 

"It's because Santa's bad, right?"

 

"...Yes."

 

"He seems nice, though...he's always nice in the movies, and he leaves presents for us.  Why would he do that if he's mean?"

 

"Xion, Santa Claus is not real."

 

I stared at him.  "What?"

 

"He's not real.  Everyone pretends - I don't know _why_ , - they dress up as him and give their children presents with his name on them.  But he's not real."

 

I could tell from his eyes that he was telling the truth, but I didn't want to believe him.

 

"Look.  All the tags that say 'From Santa' - they're in Father's handwriting."

 

I looked.  I still didn't want to believe it.  "But...but then...why do we hide from him, if he's not even real?" I asked in desperation.

 

"...Because I'm a coward.  No more, though.  This is the last time I'll hide.  I'm going to be in high school next year...I can't still be _doing_ this, it's absolutely ridiculous."

 

I could see that for some reason, he was remembering Mother again.  "Is Santa the one you're really afraid of?"  Or is it something else, is what I meant.

 

"What?"

 

"Saïx, Mommy's gone forever."

 

"I _know_ that."

 

"Even when we see her again in Heaven, she'll be really, really nice.  Angels can't be mean."

 

"Why are we even talking about this?"

 

"You don't have to be scared."

 

"That's what I just said.  It is a completely irrational fear, and I'm far too old to continue humoring it like this."

 

When the next Christmas Eve came, I waited like usual, but Saïx didn't come.  Daddy had gone to bed, and I kept waiting but Saïx never came....

 

When I woke up suddenly, the house was very dark and quiet.  I was confused for a minute, then got out of my bed and went out into the hallway, feeling lost and scared, like something was wrong.

 

Saïx's bedroom light was on.  He wasn't asleep.  I opened the door and there he was with his back pressed against the wall and a metal bar gripped in his fist like a weapon, his eyes screaming _"NO, NO--  It's Xion, only Xion, RELIEF joy fury want to hurt her, frightened me so badly, she's out, not asleep, have to bring her close have to protect her; shame; I'm such a coward I'm such a_ coward _...."_

 

I ran to him and we threw our arms around each other without thinking about it and I was so surprised and a little scared when he burst into tears against my shoulder.  After a while I patted his hair and sang to him, like he sometimes did for me when I was upset.  _"O holy night, the stars are brightly shining...."_

 

He kept holding me even after he stopped crying.  He finally whispered, "I can't do it."

 

"It's okay," I told him, wanting to fix it and make it better, _hating_ seeing him in such pain.  "I'll help you.  I'll stay with you.  There's only a few more hours until the sun comes up, come on, we're together now...."  I sat with him and kept watch with him, and eventually fell asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.  I was still sitting there in the morning.  I woke up and looked up at him, and we shared a triumphant smile.

 

The next year, on Christmas Eve while Daddy was gone, I took a marker and blacked out all the tags that said "From: Santa Claus" on them.  I hid those presents in the back, then went to bed like normal.  I think I drowsed off a little, because my clock had jumped past a lot of time when I opened my eyes to feel my brother's hand resting gently on my back.  He didn't need to say anything, I got up and went with him to his room, except this time I brought games.  It was fun, almost like a sleepover with just me and him.  He played the games with me without complaining at all, and for the first time he ate some of the cookies instead of leaving them all for me, and I think there were some times where he even forgot to be listening.

 

The next morning, Daddy saw the gift tags and turned his eyes on me, but before I could even start crying, Saïx got between us and told him that he'd done it.  I stared at my brother's back in shock and gratefulness and pride and worry.

 

"...Why are you lying for her?"

 

"I'm not."

 

Then I started crying anyway, because Daddy was hurting Saïx without touching him or saying anything at all.  "Please, Saïx, please, Daddy I did it, please stop, please...."

 

"I don't understand either of you.  What is the meaning of this?"

 

I gulped, because I knew I couldn't tell my brother's secret, but there was nothing else I could think of to say, and I was really scared.

 

"Neither of us believes in Santa Claus anymore," Saïx said faintly, holding tight to my hand.  "It's not...necessary, to sign the gifts in such a way."

 

Daddy stared at me.  "When did this happen?"

 

"Santa's not real," I said in a small voice.  "People made him up.  He's fiction."  I hoped Daddy would be proud of me for knowing a grown-up word.

 

"...How long have you known this?"

 

"A long time," I said hesitantly.

 

"Why was I not told?"

 

"I...I'm...I'm sorry, Daddy."

 

He finally sighed.  "I suppose it's foolishness to act as if this matter is of such importance.  Very well; we will do away with such childish traditions, and Xion, I applaud your progressive maturity.  Saïx, don't ever lie to me again, particularly in such a clumsy manner."

 

"Yes, sir."

 

After Daddy left us alone, Saïx hugged me for a long time.  Then he told me that he appreciated my efforts on his behalf, but he was my elder by ten years and it was his job to take care of both himself and me, I shouldn't interfere where I had no business meddling.  I kissed him and told him it was okay for us to take care of each other, he didn't have to do all the work by himself.  He didn't believe me back then, but I think he's starting to now.  Axel's been good for him.

 

Axel's been good for me, too.  I love him so, _so much_ , him and Roxas both, and Mom.  Saïx hated them before he even saw them, but I nearly went wild with delight when Daddy told me that he might be able to give me another mother, one I would be able to remember this time.  And much as I loved Saïx and Daddy, I was so lonely...their love for me was a cold kind, dutiful and faithful, but all the warmth always came from me, and sometimes it was a hard burden to keep bearing for so long, especially when I was still so young.  The thought of new brothers, one of them almost _my age_....

 

I was so excited that day, the day we were supposed to meet them.  I nearly drove Daddy and Saïx crazy all the time we were getting ready and driving to the park and waiting in the restaurant.  We waited and waited, and the time for us to meet came and went and they still weren't there, and then I started to get upset.  I thought they weren't coming, that they'd run away and abandoned us before I'd even gotten to see them.

 

Daddy called and found out they were running late, but I still couldn't settle down, and Saïx finally even took Glimmerbreeze and played ponies with me.  That distracted me for a while, but then I looked at the clock again and it had been more than _half an_ _hour_ , and they were still gone.  I cried because I thought they weren't coming because they didn't love me just like my first mommy hadn't loved me enough to want to stay with me, so Daddy bought me some of the food from the restaurant even though we aren't supposed to eat fast-food, but I don't know why because it was _really good_.  Especially the French fries.  I ate them and tried to get Daddy and Saïx to eat them, too, but they both wouldn't.  They were reading by then and being boring, so I played with Twilight Sparkle as I finished my fries and then, ooohhhhh....

 

The way they came in.  My new mommy - I was already thinking of her that way, even though Daddy hadn't even proposed to her yet - came bursting toward us like a star, the whole restaurant seemed to light up.  And then the man - I thought of Axel as a "man" back then even though he wasn't quite sixteen yet, he was just so big compared to me and so confident compared to my brother - was strolling along behind her, with hair like _flames_ that I found absolutely fascinating, and those tattoos on his face like someone dangerous and exciting.  I couldn't tear my eyes away.  And Roxas, oh, _oh_ , so little just like me, with the funniest hair that I wanted to squish....

 

They were wonderful.  I adopted them in my heart instantly, before we'd even exchanged words.

 

"Xem!" Lea cried as she came rushing to us in that shooting star way, "Oh, Xem, I am so sorry, I didn't mean to be late again...."

 

She hadn't meant to be late.  She'd wanted to be here fast, but she couldn't, and I forgave her immediately.  She was here now, and she wanted me.

 

At least, I assumed she did; but of course she went straight for Daddy.  And Axel couldn't tear himself away from Saïx, and Roxas was staring at them both in horror, he told me later it was because he thought they were literal aliens and they were about to melt everyone's brains.  Everyone's always noticed my family before they notice me, I'm very used to it by now, and was used to it back then, too.  It's hard to _not_ be mesmerized by those powerful golden eyes.  I have to just be patient, because the people who are worth befriending are the ones who don't get scared away.  It's still hard sometimes, though, standing there waiting to be noticed.

 

Fascinated as I was by Axel, I was a little intimidated by him, too (so big, and his hair was so very, very red), so I hid behind my brother's chair to watch in safety.

 

I saw the moment when he encountered Saïx's eyes for the first time.  That look of shock and horror and pain, and for just a second I thought he was going to run away, and I wanted to scream in frustration.  But then his face changed so quickly to anger and determination and mischief.  I knew instinctively that Saïx was going to lose, yet I couldn't help feeling relieved.

 

"Hi!  I'm Axel!"

 

"Axel," I whispered to myself.  Daddy had already told me his name, but now he was naming himself, suddenly more real and more human.

 

"My name is Saïx.  Now that we have made each other's acquaintance, you may remove yourself from my immediate vicinity."

 

"Sorry, I don't speak Nerd."

 

They were so entirely focused on each other, it was kind of funny.  I'd thought only my golden-eyed family was able to do that, but it was like Axel could naturally fight the same way as them, even with different weapons.  He faced Saïx down with as much self assurance as Van ever had, but unlike Van, there was a hint of admiration in his expression.  I couldn't tell if he actually liked Saïx or not, but he didn't think he was scum or demon, either.  Which was the first time I remembered anyone ever being able to look at my brother like that on a first meeting.

 

"I think he likes your eyes, big brother," I finally said, not knowing how else to explain it at the time.

 

I hadn't meant to speak out loud, I was still waiting patiently to be noticed, but Axel heard me and his attention shifted at last.  I was scared for a minute, thinking he would turn that fierce emerald gaze on me like he'd been doing with Saïx.  And unlike Saïx, I don't have special eyes, they're only blue and can't do anything except see.  I would be completely defenseless, and it would hurt.

 

Except it didn't.  The second Axel looked at me, his face changed.  So warm and gentle, with a smile that absolutely entranced me.  I _fell in love_.  No one had ever, ever made me feel that loved before, with no strings attached and no demands, and I felt almost dizzy with it.

 

"Well, hello there, princess.  Who's your little pony friend?"

 

I nearly died right then.  I wasn't just loved, I was a _princess_.  And he had NOTICED TWILIGHT SPARKLE.  He was the first person ever, EVER, to acknowledge my dear friend as if she was a person.

 

I whispered my pony's name, barely able to speak from pure joy.

 

"That's a _gorgeous_ name," he told me.  I loved him, I loved him, I loved him _so much_.  I wanted to stay with him FOREVER, and ever and ever, so he could be my other big brother and love me and tell me wonderful things FOR-EV-ER.

 

Saïx said something, but I didn't even hear what it was, I was so fixated on this incredible new person.

 

"Hey, if your big brother here was a pony, what would _his_ name be?"

 

He knew.  _He knew._   He knew I had pony names for all my family and friends, and I could tell someone at last, at _last_ , and he wouldn't be angry about it, he _wanted_ to know.  "Saïx's pony name is Moonwolf Crescent, and Daddy is Dragongold," I told him happily.  I was already trying out names in my head for this wonderful person, for Axel.

 

Saïx was talking again, but it was like I had gone deaf to everyone but Axel.  I longed for Axel to say something else and love me more.

 

"What's the matter, bro?  Don't like your pony name?"

 

Saïx didn't like his pony name?  It surprised me, though mostly the idea of this being at all important.  Of course Saïx didn't like his pony name, he was _Saïx_.  He didn't like cookies or Santa Claus, either.

 

"Of course not.  She has no business coming up with something like that."

 

I was already trying to reassure my brother when I noticed that Axel looked angry, anxious, and concerned.  I wondered why.

 

After that was when Mom and Daddy interrupted us, saying we should leave.  Axel let Saïx go - I think both of us had forgotten about my poor brother being trapped - and I ran to grab Axel's hand, unable to get enough of him.  I was a little worried for a minute that he wouldn't let me that close to him, but it was like sweet honey on my heart when he smiled that wonderful smile at me again and squeezed my hand in firm reassurance.  I loved him _so much_.  If something had gone wrong and Daddy had ended up not marrying Lea after all, I wouldn't have cared; I would have dragged Axel back with me and made him be my big brother forever.

 

"So your name's Princess Xion, huh?"

 

I could have died happy.  I could have _died happy_.  I couldn't even speak, but it didn't matter, he still loved me anyway.

 

"Beautiful.  I'm Axel."

 

Well, I knew that; and he was beautiful, too.

 

Poor Roxas had been neglected all this time, but I finally noticed him and felt bad that it had taken me so long.  I knew how much that hurt.  "Who's that?" I asked, even though I already pretty much knew, because I was trying to make it up to him.  He looked so upset, too, waiting there with his arms folded and that unhappy look on his face, and I felt so _bad_.

 

"That grumpy little boy is called Roxas.  Maybe you should go over and give him a hug."

 

Ooooh, it was _perfect_.  I ran to throw my arms around Roxas, claiming him as my brother because it wouldn't be fair to take his brother away from him without letting him come, too.  I instinctively knew, even back then, that the two of them would always come together, nothing would be able to tear them apart.

 

"Hey!"

 

Heh, he didn't like me back then.  He's always been stubborn, and it took him a little while to warm up to me.

 

"She hugged me!"

 

"'Cuz I told her to."

 

" _Why_?"

 

I watched them just toss words back and forth so easily, and I envied them.  I've never been able to talk to my own brother like that.  Sometimes our conversations manage to hit the right note, so that we can go back and forth smoothly and it feels so natural, but it's always lacked the warmth and comfort and familiarity of what I saw happening between Axel and Roxas.

 

Then Saïx came up to us.  "Come, Xion."

 

"I'm coming," I said, confused.  Then I saw his eyes.

 

 _"Get away from her get away from her she's_ my _sister, mine to protect and care for, get your hands off her, if you hurt her I'll make you wish you'd never been born...."_

 

I couldn't understand why Saïx would think I was in any danger, but I knew to trust him.  Much as I loved Axel, Saïx was the one who had been there for me my whole life.  I let him pull me away from those fiery brothers, full of warmth and light, back to where he thought I was safe.  Right then, I prayed and prayed that Saïx would please soon love those brothers as much as I did, because I wanted to be safe with _all_ of them together.

 

"Stay away from them."

 

Then Saïx and Axel got in a fight with their words, so similar to how Saïx and Vani fight with their eyes, except I think they were both kind of enjoying it.

 

And Saïx won.  I don't think any of us were expecting that, but he _won_ , I couldn't believe it, after everything I'd thought of to name Axel with, Saïx just spoke it on his own, without me even having to ask him.  "I didn't think so...Teardrop Flurryflame."

 

"Big brother," I asked breathlessly as he dragged me out, "why didn't you _tell_ me you could do that?"

 

"Do what?"

 

"You always say you won't play ponies with me because it's silly and femiwinIcan'tpronounceit, but you found Axel's pony name just like _that_."

 

His face changed color, and his eyes were going _"This is so ridiculous why did I do that I'm so stupid."_   "I don't know what came over me.  It won't happen again."

 

"Aw...but I wanted you to help me find Roxas's pony name."

 

"Out of the question."

 

That day would have been more fun if Saïx and Axel had just stopped _fighting_ every five minutes and tried to get along.  They scared each other, I think.  I know for sure that Axel scared my brother, anyway; and now that I know Axel better, I think he may have been scared, too.  My family's eyes are pretty hard to deal with, after all, and it was only his first time seeing them, or at least seeing Saïx's.  He did so well, but there's just no way to handle them gracefully with so little experience.

 

"Seriously.  Do you even own a pair of shorts?  Or maybe you're just too embarrassed to let everyone see your milky white chicken legs or something."  His voice was perfectly easygoing, but his face was pretty white and he was tense.  No wonder, with Saïx determinedly blasting _"I hate you I hate you just leave me alone and go_ away _"_ at him.

 

"Why isn't it working?" Saïx wondered under his breath, which confused me at the time because I could tell that it _was_ working, unfortunately.

 

"Saïx," I told him, "stop giving Axel yellow eyes, that's mean."  Mom tried to smooth things over like she does when she's worried that the boys are making her look bad, and around then was when I noticed that Roxas was scared, too.  I didn't really understand that at the time, either.  I mean, yeah, Saïx was looking at him, but just with a vaguely unhappy _"I really don't want to be left alone with the children,"_ it wasn't anything near what he'd tried on Axel.  Then because Roxas was upset, of course Axel picked a fight with Saïx _again_ , so that Daddy had to use _his_ yellow eyes on them.

 

I knew then that it was getting completely out of hand.  I wanted so desperately for them to be friends, but they kept hurting each other and ruining things until it even started annoying Daddy, and this was _not going to work_.

 

I did my best as the day went on, trying to hold Saïx in check and distract Axel whenever they got too intense about it, but I still felt so useless, and so anxious about a future that looked like I wouldn't be able to keep both of them.  I would have to pick Saïx, but I couldn't bear to lose Axel, and I wanted them both so, so, so, so much.  They were so _stupid_ for taking so freaking long to like each other.

 

Daddy and Mom finally left us alone, which I half-heartedly hoped might help.  Axel stood there, and even though his eyes don't talk, his whole body was practically yelling, _"I'M PROTECTING ROXAS."_   Saïx stared back at him, going _"Why why why why must I put up with this insufferable person, I want to go_ home _...."_

 

"So.  You got anything in mind for what to do next?"

 

"Yes.  You could lose track of me, take the children off my hands, and leave me in peace until we can finally go home."

 

So my brother was going to run away and hide.  Again.  *sigh*  I try not to blame him, I can't even imagine what it must be like, growing up your entire life with eyes that scare off anyone you might want to be friends with.  It's still frustrating, though.

 

"You know what, fine.  I'm turning my back."  He actually did it, too, like something out of a cartoon.  "Oh, no!  I can't see Saïx!  Where could he _possibly_ have gone?"  He asked me, all sarcastic, if I wanted to go look for Saïx.  Of course I wanted Saïx with us, he was my brother and I wanted all four of us _together_ , even back then when we barely knew each other.  But he was going away, and Axel was still mad at him, and Roxas was still scared of him, and it was so frustrating and I had no idea in the world what to do....

 

It was still fun, though.  When Axel's in a good mood, it's so hard to sulk or be depressed, at least for me.  (Our brothers seem to be pretty good at sulking and being depressed in Axel's presence.)  I'd been to amusement parks before, but roaming around with Axel and Roxas was different, I _loved_ it.  Axel let us do pretty much whatever we wanted and he'd play with us, too, not just stand on the sidelines looking bored.

 

Well, I think we might have tired him out, because he did start hanging back from some of the rides; but even then, he'd drape himself over the railing and cheer like crazy at us every time we passed by.

 

And Roxas...ooooh, I _love_ playing with Roxas.  He doesn't get worked up over every little thing the way my girl friends do, and he always just says things straight out, making even complicated stuff look really simple.  When Axel bought us ice cream, I dropped mine on the very first lick.  As I stood there staring at it, Axel offered to buy me another one, but then Roxas just wordlessly picked one of the scoops off of his own ice cream and stuck it on top of my empty cone, and I was so surprised and grateful to him that I started eating it without really thinking.  Axel laughed a lot.

 

Finally, finally, _finally_ Axel told us, pretty much right when I had forgotten all about it, "Roxas!  Xion!  Let's go Saïx-hunting!"

 

I won, of course.  I knew exactly where to look:  quiet, out-of-the-way places where Saïx could work in peace.  I didn't think to try the hedge maze until Axel said something about rabbits when we were passing by it, and sure enough, there he was.  Some people were bugging him, taking pictures and stuff, but he was still down in a dead end and I don't think many people would have wandered that far.

 

I pushed the camera people out of the way and ran to my brother.  "Hi, Saïx!  Did you finish all your homework?"

 

 _"Oh, good, there's Xion, thankyouthankyouthankyou we can finally go home.  I hope.  I hope we can go home."_   "Just about."

 

"We were looking for you!  I won."  Then he and Axel got in a fight _again_.  I wanted to hit them both.

 

We went back to the front of the park where Daddy and Mom were waiting - Mom came _running_ to meet us, she kind of shoved Axel out of the way so she could get to Roxas, and she grabbed him and spun him around laughing like crazy while he kept telling her, "Mom, stop."

 

"Roxyyyyy!" she shrieked, "You're getting a new daddy!"

 

Roxas stared at her.  "What?"

 

" _What_?" Axel demanded.  Saïx didn't say anything, but I could feel him being shocked even though he was behind me and I couldn't see him.

 

"We're getting marriiiieeeed!" Mom practically sang, waving her hand around and still laughing.  There was something sparkly on her hand.

 

Daddy came over to us, too.  "I've just proposed to Lea."

 

"You WHAT?" Axel shouted.

 

I looked at Saïx, whose eyes were going _"No no no no no no no."_

 

They were insane.  My heart was so full of hope and joy that I thought I was going to explode.  "So Lea really is gonna be my mommy?"

 

"Oh yeah!" Lea yelled, shoving Roxas back at Axel and then swooping down on me.  "I'm gonna have a daughter!  I'm gonna have a _beautiful daughter_ all my very ooowwwnnnn!"

 

"Mommy!" I cried, so, so happy.  "Mommy!  You're really my mommy now for real!"  She laughed and kissed me, and I could die happy again, I could have died at that moment and still been so happy.

 

All three of my brothers looked like they'd just watched someone get shot.  "Axel," Roxas finally said, pointing at Daddy, "I don't like it.  Punch him and make it go away."

 

"Rox-my-socks," Axel said, hugging him really tight, "trust me, I would _love_ to."

 

"Why," Saïx said to Daddy.  That's all he said with his mouth, but his eyes were going _"Why would you do this why would you do this why would you do this?"_

_"That is not your concern,"_ Daddy said back, without talking.

 

Saïx got mad then.  It's really stupid trying to give Daddy yellow eyes on purpose, but I don't think he could help it that time.  _"OF COURSE it's my concern, you're proposing to bring this woman into_ my _life as_ my _mother, you didn't even think to ask how I felt about it--"_

_"IT DOES NOT MATTER HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT IT,"_ and Saïx turned away like Daddy had hit him.  But I saw it for a minute - in Daddy's eyes, he was also saying _"It doesn't matter how_ I _feel about it, either,"_ at the same time.  I don't think he meant me to see that, though.  Because he glanced at me, and then I couldn't read him anymore, and he reached out and put his hand on the side of my brother's face so that I couldn't see Saïx's eyes, either.

 

They went on talking without talking, but now Roxas was crying and Mom looked horrified as she ran to him.  Even though I don't think Roxas was crying for real.

 

"Axelll," he sobbed, "Xem was scaring me and I don't want him to be my daddy, please please make it better."

 

"Urrrgghhh, Rox, don't _do_ this to me," Axel groaned.

 

"Precious!" Mom cried, grabbing Roxas out of Axel's arms again.  Both of the boys looked mad.  "What's the matter, precious?!  I thought you missed Daddy!  Don't you want a new one?"

 

"I want _my_ daddy," Roxas growled.  "Xem isn't my daddy, my daddy's dead.  I'd rather have a dead daddy than Xem."

 

Axel was trying to get Roxas back, but then he saw how I was looking at him and stopped.  "Oh...hey, princess...."

 

"Axel," I said worriedly, "do you...not want me for a little sister?"  That was okay, that made sense, he already had a little brother and he loved Roxas a lot, he probably didn't have room for me except sometimes, that was okay, I already had a big brother and Saïx was a good brother and I really didn't _need_ Axel even though...I...wanted him, so much--

 

Axel crouched down and hugged me tight.  "I'd _love_ to have you as my sister," he whispered.  I burst into tears, but I don't know why.  He held me while I cried and stroked my hair, then when I wasn't crying as much he said, "Trust me, princess, I'd put up with your dad and your brother any day if it means I can have you, too.  Got it memorized?"

 

I nodded, because he seemed to want me to say okay, but I couldn't talk or else I'd start crying again.  I was holding his shirt really tight so I couldn't wipe my face, but then he smiled and brushed at my cheeks so they felt clean again and kissed my forehead, and I loved him _so much_.

 

We went out to eat at a restaurant together afterwards, a fancy boring one rather than a fast food one.  Saïx was still mad and he sulked the whole time, thinking _"I hate everything"_ so hard that it felt bad to even sit next to him.  It didn't help that Axel was mad, too, and taking it out on him, so he'd provoke and provoke until Saïx got fed up and gave him yellow eyes, and Axel would fight back, and it _never ended_.

 

Roxas was mad, too, and kept throwing tantrums until his mom took him away.  Then Axel was upset, so I scooted my chair right next to his and he held me tight, then Mom brought Roxas back and Roxas was all quiet and upset for real, and Axel held him tight, too.

 

"We were thinking a December wedding," Mom said brightly, as if we were all happy instead of miserable.  "To get married at Christmas, doesn't it sound wonderful?"

 

"What a fantastic idea," Axel said flatly.  "So you'll dump us to go off honeymooning and leave us alone at Christmas _again_."

 

"What are you talking about?" Mom yelped.  " _You_ were the one who walked out on _me_ that time!"

 

"As if you even noticed!  It was _Christmas Eve_ , and you brought home some drunk you'd never seen before in your life and went straight to--"

 

I seriously wondered for a minute if maybe Lea somehow had yellow eyes, too.  If she did, though, Axel was ignoring them until she suddenly lunged forward.  I thought she was going to hit him, but all she did was set her hand alongside his face and press her thumb against one of the tattoos under his eyes.  He shut up as if she _had_ hit him, though.  "Axel," she growled in a voice that made me shiver, "I - do not - think - this is - appropriate - dinnertime - conversation."

 

"Yes, ma'am," Axel mumbled.  He was holding us really tight, with one hand over Roxas's head as if to protect him.

 

"Axel, I can't move," Roxas grumbled into Axel's chest.

 

 _"I see you've picked a real winner to replace my mother with,"_ Saïx glared at Daddy, though the next minute I'm pretty sure he wished he hadn't.

 

"I like Christmas," I managed to say, feeling really scared.

 

Mom smiled hugely at me.  "See?  _Xion_ thinks a December wedding is wonderful, don't you, dear?"

 

"Can I be the flower girl?" I asked, and she kissed the top of my head and said of _course_ I could be her flower girl, she would love that.

 

"I can throw purple flowers for you," I told her.  "Purple is my favorite color."  Purple and black, actually, but until I was older, people usually gave me strange looks when I mentioned black, and I didn't want my new mom to think I was weird or bad.

 

_To be continued...._

 

Author's Notes:  This story got _waaaaayyy_ too long, so I had to split it up, but it was conceived as a one-shot so there was _no good place_ to insert a chapter break. -.-;

 

**There's some semi-religious views in here that I don't quite agree with...I write according to character flow, which sometimes contradicts my own beliefs.**

**Credits to Taliax for the vanilla scent!  I'll explain a little better in the story where it plays a more important role. :)**

The lullaby Saix sang to Xion on Christmas Eve is my favorite one, and comes from the Disney movie _Mary Poppins_. :)

 

I know that it's pushing it to have Xion remember so much from when she was so young, even with the "windows to the soul" thing, but...I mean, I personally have a couple of memories from before I was two.  They're just brief moments, but still, it's not like it's impossible. :/


	7. Memories (part 2)

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Memories - Part 2**

 

Speaking of weird, my family obviously is, though I didn't realize that for a long time.  The grown-ups call it "the Speech," or "Speaking;" before I knew that, I called it "yellow eyes."  Axel and Roxas call it "doomgazing."  I still don't understand exactly how it works, it was so instinctive for me to read it when I was growing up.  It's not just with each other, though; they can do it with amber-eyed animals, too.

 

Axel was pretty mad when he found out that Saïx can talk to his cat, Bomb.  This was before Axel started liking him.  Axel's and Roxas's birthdays are a few days apart, but they always celebrate it at the same time.

 

About a month after Daddy and Mom got engaged, Axel and Roxas had one of their birthday parties, and me and Saïx and Daddy got to come.  Well, I "got" to come.  With my brother and father, it was more like they "had" to come.  Saïx came as close to begging as I'd ever seen him do, but Daddy insisted that we were going to be a family with them and we had to do things together as a family, so I got to have my brother with me when we went to the party.  Not that I liked feeling his constant _"I hate this I hate this I hate this"_ vibes, but I hoped he would like it better once we actually got to play.

 

There were soooooo many kids.  _So many_.  And I got to play with _all of them_.  "Look, Saïx!"

 

"Heaven help me," he whispered.

 

"C'mon, let's go find Axel and Roxas!"

 

"Ngh--!"  He dragged me to the kitchen instead and actually put together a hamburger and lots of snacks on a plate for me.  He only feeds me like that when he's baby-sitting or guilty or when I whine at him or when he's using me as an excuse to hide, so I felt a little bad for him.  Even though I couldn't figure out what in the world he would be scared of here.

 

"Saïx!"  Mom shooting-starred across the kitchen and hugged Saïx from behind.  "You're heeere!  I'm so happy!"

 

"Are you?" he mumbled.

 

"And _look_!  It's my darling!"  She let go of Saïx, and I think that was the last time she touched him or spoke to him or even looked at him the entire party.  She pounced on me and hugged me tight.  "I'm so happy to see you, sweetie!"

 

"Hi, Mom," I said happily, and she kissed me just like a mommy should.

 

"Do you want to eat inside or outside?"

 

"Can I eat with Axel?" I asked.

 

She got a funny look on her face, but then it went away.  "Well...I'll see what he's doing, just a minute."

 

Axel didn't have a shirt on because he and a bunch of other big high school boys were playing basketball.  Mom yelled for him and he ignored her and then he made a shot and all the boys yelled a lot and scared me a little, even though half of them looked happy.  I hid behind Mom.  "Come get Xion off my hands!" she yelled even louder, and then he was like " _Xion_?" and his head whipped around and he saw me.  He broke out in such a huge smile that I smiled back and relaxed a little.

 

He ran over and scooped me up like I didn't weigh anything more than the basketball.  "You came!"

 

"You're all sweaty," I noticed.  I meant to say something else, like "Hi" or something, but he was getting my dress damp and I forgot.

 

He laughed.  "Sorry, you're right.  Where's my shirt...?"  He put me down again and we looked for his shirt and we found it and he put it on.

 

"You're really skinny," I told him, and he winced.

 

"Yeah, I get that a lot.  Hey, c'mere a minute...."  He swung me around and brandished me at his friends.  "Hey!  This is my new little sister.  Tell her she's awesome."

 

A lot of them yelled a lot of different things and scared me a little.  One of them with fluffy hair came over and said "Oooooooh, she's little!  Can I hold her?"

 

"Yeah," and Axel started to hand me over, but I said his name and grabbed his sleeve tight.  He finally noticed that I was scared.  "Hey, princess," he said more gently, and sat down on the ground so that we could see eye to eye.  "I never introduced these boneheads, did I.  This guy here's Demyx, he's an idiot and lazy as heck, but he's really nice."

 

"I am not so an idiot!" Demyx said indignantly.

 

Axel waved his hand like he didn't care.  "And that guy over there is Bartz - he has a pet chicken, you'll love it if you ever get to see it."

 

"Boko's not a chicken!" Bartz insisted.

 

"Blondie there is named Zidane, and over there is...."

 

It was better when I knew who they were.  I said hi, and they said hi back to me, then when I told Axel that I wanted to eat with him, he took me inside and I got to sit in his lap and eat my hamburger as I watched him play a video game with Demyx.

 

It was so nice just being with him, but after I finished eating, I got a little restless.  Axel noticed and asked if I wanted to go play with Roxas, so I said yes because I hadn't seen Roxas at all the whole time.

 

"Don't even think about it," Axel warned Demyx as he got up to take me outside.

 

Demyx laughed.  "Forget that, man, I'll be pwning your butt the whole time you're gone."

 

That made me worried, but Axel didn't really seem to care for real.  He took me by the hand and led me outside where all the smaller boys were yelling at the top of their lungs as they hurled water balloons at each other.  "OI, ROXAS!" Axel shouted.

 

Roxas whipped around to face us.  "WHAT IS IT?" he screeched back.  Then he saw me and his entire face lit up, even though he still looked like he wanted to smash a water balloon into someone's head.  "OH, LOOK, IT'S XION," he bellowed.

 

"Hi, Roxas," I called.  He came running over to me and nearly knocked me over, holding my arms tight and grinning in a way that made me half-afraid he wanted to hurt me.

 

"Hi," he said forcefully.  "Come play water balloons."

 

"Roxas, you're hurting me."

 

"Yaaaahhhh!"  He finally did knock me down, and I was really scared until I started fighting back and he giggled.  That's when I realized we were playing.  So I wrestled him until I was sitting on his back and holding his arms so that he screamed for real, which scared me again, but when I let go he seemed kind of happy.  "WATER BALLOON REVENGE!"  He shoved it into my chest so that it burst, getting me all wet.  I ran and grabbed the big water gun out of one of his friends' hands and blasted Roxas with it; shrieking, he went for the garden hose and we chased each other around until we were completely soaked.

 

I was kind of tired, then, too, and really wet.  Roxas and his friends stampeded inside to attack the food table, and I went to look for my brother because I was cold now, too, and I wanted him to take care of me.

 

It didn't take long to find him.  The house was kind of small and there weren't a lot of places to hide, so I figured he would be on the front porch where nobody else was, and I was right.  "Hi, Saïx."

 

He was sitting on one of the plastic chairs, and there was a reddish-orange cat sitting on the plastic table so that their faces were level.  Saïx blinked every once in a while and the tip of the cat's tail flicked lazily, but otherwise, they weren't moving at all.  They were staring at each other in this intense, silent way, exactly like my family does when they're Speaking to each other.  I figured it out within seconds, especially since the cat's eyes were almost the same color as my brother's.

 

"Saïx," I said, going to sit in his lap, "are you talking to the kitty?"

 

He wrinkled his nose, his eyes saying _"Why is she all wet?"_   "Why are you all wet?" he asked out loud, holding his hands away from me.

 

"Me and Roxas were playing.  Hi, kitty."

 

The cat looked at me.

 

"This is ridiculous.  There's nothing for you to change into."

 

"What was the kitty saying to you?"

 

 _"What?!  What?!  How did she know?!"_   "Cats don't talk, Xion.  Don't be ridiculous."

 

"I know this one does.  Is it because he has yellow eyes like you?"

 

Saïx paused.  _"That is...actually a plausible theory."_   "...Xion, why would you...say that?"  _"She knows too much about me, this is embarrassing...."_

 

I reached out to pat the kitty's head, but he shied away from me and jumped down to cuddle against Saïx's ankles.

 

"You know.  The way you guys were staring at each other, like when you and Vani are fighting or when you and Daddy are mad at each other.  Except that I don't think you and the kitty were mad, but otherwise it was the same."

 

"...."  He gave a long sigh.  "...He wanted to know who you were, because he could tell we're connected.  I said you were my sister, but he didn't understand so I explained that it is like you are my 'litter-mate,' and he told me your breath smells like meat and he would like some."

 

"Oh.  Sorry, kitty, I already ate it all...."

 

Axel came out onto the porch, carrying Roxas on his back.  "Oi, Xi, whatcha doin' out here?"

 

"Talking to Saïx and the kitty."

 

Axel watched the cat rear up to rub his chin on Saïx's knee.  "Hey, Bomb, get away from that bad person."

 

The cat's name, I guessed.  Bomb ignored him and went on making Saïx belong to him.

 

"Hey!  Bomb!"  Axel swung Roxas down and stooped down to clap sharply.  Bomb didn't like that, and Axel stared at him.  "My cat...just hissed at me."

 

"Bomb always hisses at you," Roxas said.

 

"No, he always makes I'ma-be-coy-but-you-can-pet-me-once-I've-made-my-point hisses.  He's never _mad_ at me."

 

"He likes talking to Saïx," I told him.

 

"Xion," Saïx warned.

 

Axel blinked.  " _Talking_ to Saïx?"

 

"She's being silly," Saïx mumbled, but it didn't matter.

 

Axel dropped his hands on both arms of the chair so that he was pinning us, and glared hard into Saïx's eyes as he said, " _Tell_ me you cannot freaking talk to my freaking cat."

 

"I cannot talk to your cat," Saïx said flatly.

 

"No!" Axel yelled, whipping back up again, "No!  No way!  That is _stupid_!"

 

Saïx looked confused, but I knew that Axel hadn't even heard the lie and had seen the truth in his eyes.

 

"Saïx can talk to Bomb?" Roxas said interestedly.  "What'd he say?"

 

" _Nothing_ ," Saïx hissed.  "You are all being _ridiculous_."

 

"Bomb, come here," Axel demanded, trying to pick up the cat.  Bomb hissed again and swatted at him with his paw.  "Stupid cat, I'm gonna throw you in the bathtub if you keep this up!"

 

"Xion, what'd he saaaaaaay?" Roxas whined.

 

"This is your birthday party, go enjoy it," Saïx ordered, _"And leave me alone, you're making me anxious,"_ his eyes added.

 

I thought that maybe Roxas would leave Saïx alone if he got what he wanted, so I translated, "Bomb doesn't like all the noise of the party and wants to stay where it's quiet and he's not bored."

 

 _"How did she_ know _that!?"_ Saïx thought, looked a little upset and a lot annoyed.

 

"Axel," Roxas said, "maybe we should just leave Bomb here.  I don't think he minds being doomgazed."

 

"Doomga--  What?" Saïx said.

 

"No!" Axel burst out.  "My cat SO does not like McDoomgaze more than he likes me, that's-- not--  It's not _fair_!"

 

"You call it _'doomgazing'_?" Saïx gasped, then closed his eyes and shook his head.  "Never mind, I don't care."  He pushed me off his lap so he could stand up and take me by the arm.  I noticed that he stepped really carefully to avoid hurting Bomb, even though he didn't bother looking down.  "Do what you like with your own pet, but can I at least trouble you to help me look for something for Xion to wear?  She's a mess, it's disgraceful."

 

The boys all stared at me, and I smiled back in self-defense.

 

"Man," Axel laughed, "we don't have any little girls' clothes that I know of...Xion, you mind wearing some of Rox's things?"

 

"She can't have my Ninja Turtles shirt," Roxas said immediately, "that's _mine_."

 

"That's okay," I answered Axel.

 

When Daddy saw me running around in a pair of boys' shorts and a Godzilla T-shirt and found out that it was because I'd gotten my dress too wet to wear, he gave me really bad yellow eyes so that I started crying.  But after a minute Saïx stepped in front of me and they Spoke together for a while, and finally Daddy pushed him aside again and started scolding me, but Shielding now so that it wasn't nearly as bad.  I still had tears on my face and said "Yes, Daddy" to everything and promised to be good, and finally he let me go play again, but I made Saïx hug me for a while first, until I felt better.  He didn't want to because other people could see, but he did anyway because he knows what it feels like and that it's his job to take care of me.  The puppy eyes may not work on him like they work on Vani, but I still know how to get to him when it's really important.

 

It got a lot easier after Axel and Roxas had had some time to work their magic.  When my brothers all first met, Saïx and Axel hated each other, Roxas was terrified of Saïx and Saïx pretty much ignored Roxas.  I _wish_ so much I could have been there to see what in the world _happened_ to change everything so drastically....

 

I had gone to a sleepover with my friends, and the next morning, Saïx came to pick me up.  He didn't say a word about what had happened the night before, probably because he saw no reason to; I didn't even know that he'd had to baby-sit Roxas while our parents and Axel were out.  It was not until we saw Axel and Roxas again that I realized things had changed.

 

We were waiting on a bench outside Pizza Planet, because they were late (they're _always_ late, which means that now we're late a lot for things, too).  I wanted to watch the parking lot so I'd see the _second_ they drove up, and Daddy and Saïx didn't want to be inside where it was so noisy and crowded, so they were both reading as we all sat together.

 

I saw the car.  "Daddy!  Saïx!  They're here!"

 

"Torture commencing," Saïx mumbled under his breath, and Daddy made a useless "Mm" sound.

 

Impatient, I ran to hug Mom when she got out of the car, and she laughed and hugged me back.  "Hiiiii, sweetie!  I hope you weren't waiting long!"

 

"Nope," I lied.  "I'm glad to see you!"  Then I ran around the car to throw my arms around Axel.  "Axeeeelllllll!!!!"

 

"Princeeeesssss!!!!" he laughed, sweeping me up and swinging me a couple of times before planting a big kiss on my forehead and setting me back on my feet.  "You comin', Rox?"

 

"I'm coming," Roxas said, climbing down to the pavement.  I hugged him and he told me to stop, pushing me away and shaking my hand firmly because "That's the manly way to say hello."

 

"I'm not a man," I giggled.

 

"Oh."  He looked really thoughtful for a minute, then finally shrugged, hugged me, and wandered over to his mom.

 

"We've been waiting," I said happily, taking Axel's hand as we walked up to the building.  "We're gonna have sooooo much fun, I can't wait--"

 

"Saïx!" Roxas suddenly yelled.  I looked over, expecting him to hurry back to Axel, but to my surprise, he ran to _Saïx_.  "You have to play with us today, HAH!"

 

Saïx put down his book and stared at Roxas like Roxas was crazy.  Roxas was standing there with his arms up, and he finally bounced up and down a couple of times.  Me and Saïx realized at the same time that Roxas expected him to pick him up.  "I...what?"

 

"You just gonna leave your little bro hanging like that?" Axel called out, and I whipped my head around to stare at him because he sounded so _friendly_.  I'd _never_ heard him speak that way to Saïx before, it was really unexpected.  "Shame on you, Sai-in-the-sky!"

 

I gasped and looked back at my brother, who was glaring daggers at Axel.  Axel just _laughed_ , he didn't even tense up like he would have before.

 

" _Do not_ call me that."

 

"Hey," Roxas said, "if I'm Rox-my-socks, then you have to be Sai-in-the-sky, okay?  Or else it doesn't make _sense_."

 

Now Saïx was glaring at Roxas.  _And Roxas just stood there as if he didn't even care._   "Your definition of 'nonsensical' seems to be inaccurate.  I refuse to answer to such an address."  He turned away and marched straight for Pizza Planet, which is how I knew he was upset, otherwise he would have been hanging back closer to the parking lot.

 

I would have gone after him if I hadn't been so amazed by the sight of Axel and Roxas grinning at each other, like they knew some secret that I didn't.  Somehow, _somehow_ , the yellow eyes didn't work on them anymore.  Which delighted me (even though I did feel a little sorry for my poor brother).  Maybe now the four of us could FINALLY GET ALONG and have fun and be nice to each other.

 

"Oh," I suddenly realized.  "Roxas, do you like Saïx now for real?"

 

Roxas nodded.  "Yup.  It worked, just like you said."

 

"Same here," Axel laughed.  "Thanks, princess!"

 

I beamed at them.  "I'm really happy.  Now we can have fun."

 

" _Oh_ yes," Axel said with relish.  "Looooots and lots of fun."

 

Mom finally stopped kissing Daddy and looked behind her to say, "What are you three doing?  Hurry up, I'm starving!"

 

It was the very first time I had ever been to Pizza Planet, and I _loved_ it.  Well, what I loved was getting to play with Roxas and Axel and eat junk food, the setting didn't really matter....

 

Daddy stayed at the table the whole time like a boring grown-up except when Mom dragged him off to win games for her and give her the tickets, and Saïx would have hidden in his book the whole time too if me and our brothers had let him.

 

"C'monnnnn, Sai-in-the-sky, I bet you couldn't beat me at DDR even if I had my hands tied behind my back."

 

 _"Hate you hate you hate you,"_ Saïx seethed silently.

 

Roxas climbed into Saïx's lap and put his arms around Saïx's neck and made the face.  _The_ face, the one I use to get Vani to do whatever I want the few times he tries to resist me.  "Sai-Sai," Roxas said in this little voice, making his eyes look really big and puppy-like.  "Pleeeeeaaaase pretty please come play with us?"

 

I saw Axel melting even though Roxas wasn't even doing it to him, but Saïx just looked disgusted.  _"Is he seriously trying to charm me into submission?"_   "Get off me.  And don't call me that."

 

I went to help, standing at Saïx's knee and trying to look at him with as much disappointment as I could.  "Saïx," I said sadly, "is Roxas's big brother better than my big brother...?"

 

Saïx gritted his teeth, and it hurt a little, the way his eyes were blaring _"No no NO I will not let him take her respect away from me,"_ but it was worth it because it was working.  "Of _course_ your brother is better than his."

 

Axel grinned and started to lean forward to pin Saïx again, but this time Saïx was faster, standing up really quickly and glaring.  Since Roxas was still in his lap, that meant that he had to hold Roxas in his arms as he got up, which kind of ruined his attempt to be intimidating.  I could tell Axel was trying not to laugh as he challenged, "Prove it."

 

"Very well," Saïx said shortly, "and if I win, the term 'Sai-in-the-sky' will _never_ cross your lips again."

 

"W00t!" Axel crowed, "Bring it!"  He started to bound off, but Saïx quickly caught his arm.

 

"Are we in accord?" my brother asked meaningfully.

 

"Sorry," Axel said cheerfully, "I don't speak Ner--"

 

"Do we have an _agreement_ ," Saïx clarified in exasperation.

 

Axel rolled his eyes.  "Fine," he huffed.  "You win a round of DDR, no more Sai-in-the-sky for you.  And if I win, you have to play five more games and give me all the tickets."  He grinned again.  "By the way, can I have my brother back?"

 

Saïx looked down at Roxas still in his other arm, who smiled in an Aren't-I-cute? way.  Looking a little disgusted again, Saïx shoved Roxas at Axel and then stalked off to the DDR machines.

 

Axel and Roxas burst into laughter, and Axel gave me a high five.  "Nice job, princess."

 

Then we went to the machines, too, and as Axel was sticking tokens into them, Roxas looked at me and said, under all the noise of the rest of the games, "You have to teach me how to do that to Saïx.  I thought he wasn't like Axel, but I guess he is, maybe just different."

 

"Yeah," I agreed.  "Don't worry, I'll show you."  We smiled at each other, then moved closer to the machines to watch.

 

Axel danced a _lot_ better than Saïx, but for some reason, Saïx's scores were higher.  I think it was because he was doomgazing the machine so hard that he could read its mind or something.  He was stomping away at the arrow buttons like a robot and kept getting constant Perfect!s; Axel was more fun to watch, though.

 

"They're so good," I said in awe.

 

"Axel's winning," Roxas said confidently.

 

"No, Saïx is."

 

"Huh?  He is not!"

 

"Look at the numbers in the corner, Saïx's is bigger than Axel's."

 

"Whaaaat?!"  Roxas stepped closer and yelled, "Axel, dance BETTER!"

 

"Don't distract me!" Axel yelled back, sounding a little frantic.  Saïx's machine didn't look so good, I could see a little bit of smoke start coming out of the edges of the screen.

 

Roxas clenched his fist and whispered under his breath, "Win Axel win Axel win Axel win Axel win Axel...."

 

Saïx's machine was now definitely broken, and I was kind of afraid it was going to blow up.  Right when the message flashed that Saïx had won, there was a popping noise and the screen went black, and now smoke was _pouring_ out of the machine.

 

Axel was staring at nothing, looking like his brain had broken, too.  After a minute, Saïx turned to him with this tiny little smile, I think the first time he had ever smiled in Axel and Roxas's presence.  "Victory goes to me," he said smugly.

 

"Axel, you're lame," Roxas pouted.

 

"AAAARRRGGHHHHH!" Axel yelled.  "Again!  Rematch!  I am OWNING you, Moonwolf!"

 

"Give it up, Axel," Saïx said tiredly.

 

From then on, I felt like I was in heaven sometimes.  My family was getting bigger, and they loved me and each so much more than I was used to, and I couldn't get enough of it.  It wasn't perfect...Saïx took a long time to really warm up to our brothers, and even when he did, he still had a hard time showing it.  Daddy and Axel kind of tolerate each other for everyone else's sake; Axel and his mom...well, it's always been a little weird between them, I've never been able to figure it out for sure except that I think his tattoos might have something to do with it.  And Mom is...sometimes different than she was before the wedding...sometimes she gets mad.  It's really easy to not make her mad, I just have to be really nice to her and be a good girl; but one time when I was kind of bad...well, that's going to be the last time, ever, because I'm never going to make her mad again.  Saïx still fights with Axel and Roxas sometimes, though just the way normal brothers do, so I think it's okay; and Vani - well, he's Van.  But it was still good.  It _is_ good, I'll never stop being grateful.  And I'd never forgive myself if I ever did anything to mess that up....

 

Like the time me and Roxas went off without telling anyone, and I thought we were gonna die when Saïx and Axel finally found us.

 

It's not like we _meant_ to run away without permission.  We were just playing on the playground after school like usual, and we were traveling around the fence on our quest to find The Ring...and we found a hole in the fence.

 

We _fit_ , perfectly, like that hole was _supposed_ to be there for kids to crawl through.  I mean...it wasn't, I knew that really, in the back of my mind.  It's just that Roxas really wanted to see what was on the other side, and I knew we shouldn't but I _reeeeaaally_ wanted to see, too, and I thought we'd just take a peek and then come back.  But I forgot about that when we 'went into the cave' and found a 'magical land' beyond....

 

It was so cool.  There was a _tree house_.  Daddy won't let the boys make one in our yard, and Roxas was SO HAPPY to see it.  "Look, Xion," he said.  "If we fight the dragon and kiss the princess, that castle will be all ours."

 

"Who's fighting the dragon and who's kissing the princess?" I asked.  "Am I the princess?"  Axel always calls me one, after all.

 

"Ew, no!  That'd mean I have to kiss you!"

 

"Oh."  I thought about that.  "You can kiss me on the cheek."

 

" _No_.  Let's just kill the dragon first."

 

"Okay.  Where is it?"

 

Well, first we had to find swords and shields and helmets.  That kind of took a long time, but it was fun, looking for the _perfect_ sticks and stuff and making them even more perfect.  I told Roxas about all the jewels and things that were on mine until he got bored and stopped listening, and I named my sword Oathkeeper and Roxas named his Oblivion.

 

Then we made solemn vows of eternal brotherhood to each other, in case one of us was slain while fighting the foul beast.  Then we _charged_....

 

Well, it wasn't all that fun hitting a tree, but we killed the dragon and then while we were doing a victory dance, somehow we got to wrestling instead.  Roxas won for once, then we were thirsty so we tried to break into the house for something to drink.  I didn't think that was a good idea, but Roxas was like, "Come _on_ , Xion, no one _lives_ here."  And he was right, so I tried not to mind.

 

We weren't able to get in, though, so finally we gave up and went to get our swords back.  "Hey," I remembered, "we just left the princess asleep."

 

"Oh yeah," he said, not looking very happy about that.

 

"I can kiss her if you want," I offered.

 

"No, it's the knight who gets to kiss the princess."

 

"I'm a knight, too," I pointed out.

 

"Hm."  He thought for a while.  "We should just take over the castle and leave her asleep."

 

"Roxas!  We can't do that, it's mean!"

 

"Oh, whatever.  Maybe we could just dump a bucket of water on her instead...."

 

"We can't get any water, remember?"

 

"Oh yeah."

 

"Maybe there's a hose," I offered.

 

We were still looking for one when - well, for just a second, I really thought they were dragons, invading so suddenly, so I screamed in this weird mix of surprise and fear and delight.  But it was really just Saïx and Axel, and I kind of wondered in the back of my mind why they'd taken so long to show up.

 

"I'LL KILL YOU," Axel bellowed, and I assumed he was playing along like usual.

 

Roxas was yelling, too, "Head for cover!" so without even thinking about it, we both dashed for the tree house and climbed up into it.  Then we huddled together, trying not to giggle too much, as we listened to our brothers moving around below.  Saïx was saying something in his calm, reassuring voice, though I couldn't hear what the words were.

 

But then, "Get Roxas down here so I can _thrash_ him," Axel snarled, and I suddenly realized that he wasn't playing.  I'd never seen Axel truly angry like this before, and _never_ at me or Roxas.  I suddenly felt sick, and a horrible lump crept into my throat.  I was so, so sorry for whatever we had done wrong, I wanted to die of shame, if Axel hated me I felt like I would break into pieces....

 

I looked at Roxas, but to my amazement, he still looked excited and gleeful.  Maybe I was wrong...maybe Axel...really was just playing....

 

One of them was climbing up to us.  I couldn't move, not sure if it was Axel or Saïx but terrified that it would be either of them.  I clutched Roxas's arm hard, feeling breathless with apprehension....

 

A flash of blue, and a surge of relief.  Saïx, at least, I could handle...he wouldn't be mad for long.  I smiled as best I could, but as soon as his face rose over the edge of the floor, I knew we were in _big_ trouble.

 

His eyes.  Oh....

 

As soon as he looked at us, Roxas got scared too and started clutching me back.  Saïx is annoyed or grumpy nearly all the time, but it's really, really hard to get him angry for real, I've only ever seen my golden-eyed family manage to do it.  Right now, he was angry for real.  I tried to smile, tried to be sweet and win him over, but I couldn't; I was the one who'd been bad this time, I deserved to be hated, and his eyes....

 

I can almost always read them.  Almost always.  Everyone once in a while, though--

 

He doesn't know how to Shield yet.  But those times when he gets angry, really angry, it doesn't matter.  I couldn't even describe what's in his eyes anymore, just that it's like when Daddy punishes one of us, except with Saïx it's _so much worse_ because even though it's not as strong, usually he's so much softer and he's the one who takes care of me and all the things he hides from everyone else are right there for me to see, so having _him_ be the one to look at me like that, even though it doesn't hurt as much as when Daddy does it, somehow it still hurts so, so, so much worse....

 

I couldn't stand it.  I wanted to die.  I'd rather die than not be loved anymore.

 

"I'm sorry," I tried to whisper, but my voice was so small that even _I_ couldn't hear it.  _'I'm so sorry I'm so sorry please don't hate me oh please don't hate me....'_

 

"You told no one where you were going."  He didn't yell.  I wish he'd yelled.  But his voice was so quiet, it scared me even more than I was already scared.

 

"'Course not," Roxas said, and I was shocked at how defiant he sounded.  How could he _sound_ like that, how could he not be groveling when Saïx was looking at us like that?  "They would have stopped us."

 

" _Obviously_ ," Saïx said, and I wanted to shrivel up even though he wasn't talking to me.  Roxas felt the same, because he tried to hide behind me, which shocked me with the unfairness even though I understood perfectly.  My turn, when was it going to be my turn for Saïx to speak to me in that awful quiet voice and make me feel even worse...?  "Did it ever occur to either of you that it might be _important_ for the adults to know where you are?"

 

Yes, it had, sort of, but I'd forgotten, or I hadn't really thought about it, I thought we'd just be a minute.  I didn't know we'd take ages, but he'd say that it was my responsibility to figure that out anyway and I should have done the right thing.  I should have done the right thing but I didn't, I was bad, and now he hated me he hated me and his eyes _hurt_ so much....  "S-Saïx, I'm sor-ry," I tried to say, and it was so hard to talk but I had to _try_ to tell him how sorry I was, at least.  Maybe he'd...maybe he'd forgive me if I could tell him how very, very, very sorry I was....

 

"Grown-ups just ruin all the fun," Roxas muttered, and I wanted to _hit_ him.  Why wasn't he saying sorry, too?  Did he _like_ feeling like he was completely worthless and dirty?

 

"Saïx, don't tell Daddy," I begged.  Because it was already bad enough that Saïx and Axel hated me, like my world had broken into pieces.  If Daddy hated me, too....  "Please don't tell Daddy!"

 

"You say this, yet I don't see you making any attempt--"

 

I had to do whatever he wanted.  I went to him as fast as I could, even though it hurt getting close to him, because maybe if I did what he wanted, maybe maybe maybe he wouldn't hate me anymore....

 

He grabbed my arm and I winced, not because it hurt but because just having him touch me when he was so angry, but it helped to have him holding me as I swung down, dropping to the ground once he'd lowered me close enough.  Then I stood there and shivered, knowing that Roxas was all alone now, knowing that when Saïx finally came down, he was going to look at me in that horrible way some more and keep hating me.  I couldn't stand it, I couldn't _stand_ it, but I didn't know what to do....

 

I looked around hopelessly for Axel, but he was sitting far away with his arms cross and his back turned, and I wilted because I knew it was hopeless there, too; Axel hated me, too.  I couldn't stand it.

 

He was coming down.  I wanted to run, but there was nowhere to run.  Still, I backed away when he came toward me, and I felt so trapped and helpless and sick when he held my face so that I had to keep looking into his eyes, and I couldn't _move_.  "Never do that again."  That was all he said, but I could _feel_ so much more behind it, that I'd done something terrible and as bad as this was now, it would be so much worse if I ever did anything like this again.  I never would.  I _never would_.

 

"I won't," I tried to tell him, barely able to speak.  "I won't, I won't, I won't, Saïx do you still love me?"  It slipped out, I hadn't meant to ask because I already knew that he didn't anymore, I'd ruined it; but then--

 

His eyes.  Something in them broke....  Suddenly they didn't hurt to look at anymore, suddenly I could read them again like always, and I was horrified in a different way at the rush of pain and relief and joy and fury and confusion that was surging there.  _"So relieved so relieved so relieved she can't_ do _that again if she does it again I my heart, I thought I didn't care thought she was little more than a burden but no it hurts so much my chest feels empty if she'd been hurt was gone my heart, so empty, can't feel a thing but no if I lost her, if I was human instead of the terrible cold heartless creature I am it would have hurt_ so much _I know why Axel broke down now_ why _would Axel do this to himself so willingly these children not precious not precious not precious so then why would it be so devastating if anything had truly happened to them...?"_

 

I hadn't just made him angry, I'd _hurt_ him.  I hadn't wanted to hurt anyone ever, ever again, but here I'd made my brother, I'd made _both_ my brothers suffer just because I'd been stupid and thoughtless and had done what I _knew_ I shouldn't have done.  I deserved to be hated.  I couldn't stand even the thought of being hated, but I knew that's what I deserved; except that there in Saïx's eyes was love, all that anger and pain and confusion was because he _loved me_....

 

I threw my arms around him and burst into tears, felt his hands resting gently on my back and heard his calm voice reassuring me.  It was over...it was over and somehow I was still loved, I couldn't ever let anything like this happen again....

 

After a while, I heard Axel yell, and I flinched and held Saïx tighter as I looked over my shoulder.  Roxas had come down and was with Axel, but Axel was so, so mad at him and I could see how horrified Roxas was.  I couldn't bear to look and hid my face against Saïx again, but couldn't help peeping through my hair to keep watching, too.

 

Roxas finally crept closer, looking beaten by Axel's rejection in a way that amazed me, since he'd been so unrepentant to Saïx.  He pulled at Axel's sleeve and whispered, "Alexa, I'm really, really sorry."

 

Alexa?  Alexa is a girl's name....

 

Axel suddenly whirled around, and I gasped because I realized, in that one second, he'd suddenly forgiven us for everything.  I didn't understand it.  "I told you never to call me that in front of Saïx!"

 

"Alexa?" Saïx said, in his normal voice when he thinks our brothers are being silly, and I knew he'd forgiven us, too.

 

"He couldn't say my name right when he was a baby!" Axel yelled in his usual way instead of the mad way he'd yelled before, and I was so relieved that I couldn't help giggling.

 

"Alexa's a girl's name," I said shyly, almost as an apology.  I wanted him to grin and say something teasing.

 

" _Thank_ you for letting me know that, Xion," he said, and he didn't call me princess but at least he didn't sound too mad now and the corner of his mouth was quirking a little.

 

"Alexa's still easier to say," Roxas mumbled.

 

Saïx sighed.  "Well, I'll have to save that interesting piece information for future use.  Right now, it's getting late, and Father will be home soon--"

 

Oh, no.  No, nonononono, couldn't make Daddy mad, not today, not after what had just happened, I was already worn out and I wouldn't be able to take it--

 

Axel and Roxas were already running.  Saïx scooped me up and followed quickly after and handed me over the fence to Axel before climbing it himself.  Then we all held hands and ran - we didn't plan it or talk about it or anything, and I think Saïx kind of wanted to let go after a minute, but that's just what happened.  I squeezed his hand tighter so that he _couldn't_ let go.  We were all together again and we still loved each other, and I didn't want anything else to come and break us apart again....

 

We got home before Daddy did.  Barely.  His car wasn't in the driveway; Axel dashed ahead and stabbed his key at the lock and swore until Saïx finally came up and pushed him aside and unlocked it himself.  We all burst into the house together and Mom yelled from the kitchen that we were being too loud, and then I shrieked when I saw Daddy's car drive up.

 

"Quick," Axel yelped, and dove to turn the TV on.  Saïx tried to rip a book off the shelf and then cursed when lots more books came tumbling down, which is how I knew he was scared because he never swears in front of me and Roxas.

 

Mom came into the living room.  "What are you all _doing_?"

 

I didn't answer, I was too busy crawling around picking up all the books so that Saïx could jerk them out of my hands and jam them back on the shelf.  Axel was frantically scrubbing the sweat off Roxas's face with his sleeve and telling him to "Stop looking so red!" and Roxas kept trying to push him away.  Saïx finally grabbed me and plopped us both in a chair and opened the one book he hadn't put back on the shelf.  It was upside-down, and he quickly flipped it the right way up as we heard Daddy turning the doorknob.

 

When Daddy came in and stopped to look at us, he saw Saïx pretending to read in the easy chair, with me curled up next to him and nervously trying not to look at Daddy.  Axel was lounging on the couch with Roxas in his arms, except that he was clutching Roxas a little too tightly, and Roxas was saying, "I want cartoons," because the TV was showing one of those boring judge shows.  Mom was standing on the other side of the room, staring at us all like we were crazy.

 

"Did you just get home?" Daddy asked suspiciously, and I hid my face against my brother's sleeve.

 

"We've been home," Saïx said casually.

 

"Why aren't you in your room?"

 

"...I felt like...being sociable with my family today."

 

"So you're reading _An Encyclopedia of Canines_ instead of a school assignment," Daddy said coldly, "or doing something that is actually sociable, such as conversing with your siblings."  Saïx looked at the cover of the book for the first time and didn't say anything.

 

"Axel," Daddy went on.

 

"Yes, sir?" Axel sang out in a cheeky way I knew Daddy would hate.

 

"You are usually more considerate of your brother than this."

 

Axel quickly grabbed the remote and changed it to a cartoon show, but Roxas was really quiet now and not even looking at the TV, he was staring at Daddy like a deer caught in the headlights.

 

"Why are you all still in uniform?"

 

None of us answered, so Mom did.  "They just came _bursting_ in here a few seconds ago, all loud and out of breath.  I have no idea what they've been doing all afternoon."

 

Daddy was starting to give us yellow eyes, so Saïx stood up in front of me and said, "My apologies, sir.  We lingered on the way home and neglected to inform anyone of our whereabouts."

 

Axel jumped up, too, coming over to stand with Saïx and shoving Roxas behind him.  "My idea, obviously, since Sai's a goody-two-shoes and just wanted to go straight home and be boring _as usual_."

 

Roxas was crying a little now.  I knew why, because I was, too.  Everything was our fault, and our brothers weren't even letting us get in trouble for it.  "Daddy," I tried to say, "we--"  Without even looking, Saïx reached back and jerked me close, his hand covering my mouth.

 

"I do not appreciate being lied to," Daddy said very coldly, and I could feel Saïx flinch.

 

"Sir--"

 

"Oh, come ON!" Axel burst out angrily.  "Are we not _allowed_ to hang out after school like _normal teenagers_?  What's the big deal, huh?  So we got home an hour or two later than usual, big whoop; if you weren't such a flaming control freak--"

 

" _Axel_ ," Saïx hissed.

 

Daddy's voice seemed to thunder even though he wasn't really talking that loud.  "You answer to me.  While you are underage and still living under this roof, I am responsible for you, and I am fully within my rights to know where you are at all times.  I _trust_ the two of you to look after your younger siblings.  If anything unexpected occurs or you wish to change your plans, you _must_ inform me or your mother and get permission.  I cannot have you loitering in places or engaging in behavior that could damage the family reputation, or exposing the children to anything inappropriate for them to see or know at their age--"

 

"We weren't doing ANYTHING WRONG!"

 

"Me and Xion did," Roxas whispered miserably, and Axel hissed at him to shut up.

 

"Perhaps I should allow the children to speak for themselves," Daddy said coldly.

 

"It has already been taken care of," Saïx told him, still holding me.

 

" _I_ will be the judge of that.  I will question them in private if you insist on being a hindrance."  Saïx went rigid, and Axel made an incoherent outraged noise.

 

"Hey," Mom said, hurrying forward, " _I'll_ take care of precious, it's not your job to be punishing him."

 

"No," Roxas whimpered, clinging tighter to Axel.

 

"Not my job?" Daddy said coolly.

 

"He's _mine_ ," Mom said angrily.  "I don't care what you do to the others, but you keep your stupid doomgaze away from my son."

 

Saïx looked at Axel, who tightened his jaw but didn't say anything.  Daddy glanced at us and then pulled Mom farther away so they could talk - argue - in whispers, and then our older brothers quickly turned on us.  "Hey," Axel said hotly, "what is _with_ you all, making it sound as bad as possible?  I swear, Saïx, the way you kiss up to him makes me want to throttle you both--"

 

"Give way easily and it's over with easily," Saïx said shortly.  "Resist, and it gets drawn out and more difficult.  There's no way to avoid it entirely."  I was surprised to realize that me and Saïx both knew how it worked.  I'd even done it on him earlier - if I'd acted like Roxas, I don't think he would have forgiven me so quickly.  I'd seen him do it to Daddy, too, which is how I learned, but I'd never heard it put in words until now.

 

"I'd rather tell Daddy the truth out here, with all of you," I said miserably, clutching my brother's hand.

 

" _I_ don't wanna get spanked," Roxas grumbled.  "I'd rather be doomgazed."

 

"Okay, look," Axel said.  "You two just keep quiet and say as little as possible.  I'll distract Mom, and Saïx you do whatever you do with your dad--"

 

"Axel, it's not going to work," Saïx said tiredly.  "We can't save them from every little thing."

 

Roxas grabbed Axel's clothes and made the face at him, eyes filling with tears.  "Please, please Alexa, don't let--"

 

" _Don't_ even start, Roxas Aubade," Saïx snapped, yanking him away from Axel even as Axel, looking like he was about to cry too, was about to hug him.

 

"Hey!" Axel yelled.

 

"Axel, he's molding you like _putty_ , it's disgusting.  Now listen, we--"

 

We all suddenly stood at attention again, because Daddy was coming back, glaring at us a little.  Mom stood next to him with her arms folded and her face tight.  "Well?" Daddy said.

 

I took a deep breath and stepped forward and said, "Me and Roxas were playing on the playground in afterschool care and we saw a hole in the fence and I reeeeaaaally wanted to see what was on the other side, and Roxas didn't want to but I made him do it because he's littler than me and I thought we'd be only a minute but we forgot and we were playing and Saïx and Axel were looking _all over_ for us for a long time and they were really worried so they forgot to call you, and they found us and we got punished but it's okay because they still love us and Daddy you can punish me too but please do you still love me, please?"

 

There was a long silence.

 

Finally, Daddy said, "All four of you, go to your rooms.  You are not to set foot out of them without my express permission or, for Axel and Roxas only, your mother's.  No supper, no recreation.  That means no toys or games, Roxas.  You are to study or reflect on your behavior until bed time, and none of you are allowed to look at or communicate with each other in any way until morning.  Are we clear?"

 

"Yes, sir," me and Saïx said immediately.

 

"Yes, sir," Axel grumbled, holding Roxas's hand tight.

 

"Am I still getting spanked?" Roxas asked.

 

Axel quickly picked him up and said " _No_ you're not," shoving past Mom and putting Roxas in his room and shutting the door and glaring at Mom before marching into his own room and slamming the door.

 

Me and Saïx followed.  I thought Saïx was going to go straight to his room, but he stopped to open the door of mine first.  I tugged him down and kissed him before going inside.  Then the door shut, and I'd only been separated from my brothers for just a second, but already I was so lonely....

 

When I woke up, feeling my stomach all tight and growly, I gasped because it was Axel and Roxas who had woken me up.  "Go away!" I cried in a whisper, because it had been _horrible_ , trapped in my room for so long with nothing to do and feeling how much the people I loved were missing, and now they were going to ruin it and we'd get in trouble again and I'd have to be separated from them for even _longer_....

 

Axel smiled and pointed at the clock, and I realized that even though it was dark outside, it was almost 6:00 a.m. and counted as 'morning.'  I hoped.  I still whispered, though.  "Are we gonna get Saïx now?"

 

"Yup."

 

We all went across the hall.  Axel stood by the bed and set his palm alongside Saïx's face; Saïx turned closer into his hand and made a "Mm" sound.

 

"Saïx," Roxas said, taking his hand, "time to wake up now.  You have to make pancakes for me because all Axel knows how to make is cereal."

 

"That's not true," Axel said indignantly.

 

"Mrgh," Saïx said, his fingers closing over Roxas's.

 

I climbed up to sit on the bed and bounced a little.  "Sai-Sai, I love you."

 

"Love you too," he mumbled, which was when I realized he was still asleep.

 

"Wake up, Moonwolf!" Axel yelled.

 

Saïx's eyes flew open, then he sat up and stared at us.  "What are you all _doing_?"

 

"Returning from exile," Axel said happily.  "Missed you, bro."

 

"It's only been about eleven hours, and we've been asleep for most of them," Saïx said in annoyance.  "I suggest you look up the term 'co-dependency.'"

 

My stomach growled again.  "Sai-Sai, I'm hungry," I said.  "I want pancakes, too."  Well, I really wanted Pop-Tarts, but those are too easy to make and I don't need my brother for them.

 

"My alarm hasn't even gone off yet.  Go away."

 

Saïx tried to lie down again and pull the pillow over his head, but I made a sad face at him and said, "I'm so hungry...I never got to eat dinner last night...."

 

Saïx paused.

 

"I can't cook to save my life," Axel lied.  "You leave it to me and these poor kids'll probably end up with food poisoning or something."

 

"...Ugh."  Saïx finally sighed and climbed out of bed.  "Just so you know, don't think I can't see straight through you all.  I simply know that I'm not going to be allowed to go back to sleep anyway."

 

"Yay!" I cheered, hugging him.  "I love you, big brother."

 

"Yes, I know, you have made this abundantly clear."

 

"It's still true~," Axel teased, wrapping his arms around his shoulders; Roxas didn't want to be left out and glomped Saïx, too.

 

"Get _off_ me."

 

**December 2005**

 

We've been waiting at the airport for a long time.  Daddy is reading, as usual; Mom didn't come.  Roxas is running his cars along the chairs, making vrmmm noises.  Sometimes he gets too loud and Daddy tells him to stop.  Axel is texting his friends, and I'm drawing a picture of Moonwolf Crescent because I've been missing the real one so much.  Soon, though...I'll get to see him again so, so soon, and it's hard to focus on my picture but whenever I don't, my head feels like it's going to burst from impatience.

 

"There he is!" Axel suddenly yells.

 

"Axel, keep your voice down in public areas," Daddy says in annoyance, but Axel's already running.

 

"Don't run!" Daddy shouts after us as me and Roxas run, too.

 

We look at each other and stop, then Roxas suddenly grins and starts galloping.  "We're not 'running,' right?"

 

I laugh and gallop along beside him.

 

Axel stops to wait for us to catch up, and I really do mean to stop with him, but then I _forget_ because I see the one I've been looking for coming out of the plane with all the other people.  I meant to call out to him, too, but I think that's another thing I forgot.  I'm still running, and I throw myself at him and squeeze my arms around him as tight as I can, and I nearly knock him over and he drops his bag, but for once I don't think he minds.  Saïx puts his arms around me too and whispers in my ear, "I missed you, princess."

 

I could die happy.  "You called me princess."

 

"Axel doesn't have the term trademarked, does he?" he mumbles.  He's blushing now, but his eyes are going _"So glad to see her so glad to see her so glad to see her."_

 

"I missed you a lot, too."

 

"Thanksgiving was just a few weeks ago."

 

"I don't care.  I still missed you.  And I know you missed me, too."

 

"I never have been able to lie to you," he murmurs, hugging me again.

 

"Is college really that bad?" I asked, suddenly worried.

 

He laughs a little.  He does that more nowadays.  Just a little.  "No.  It simply does not have you there."

 

Axel and Roxas finally come up, grinning a lot like they do when Saïx doesn't act as Saïxey as usual.  "Can we cut in now?" Axel asks.  "Or are you still busy with your heartwarming reunion?"

 

"We're finished," Saïx says, stepping away from me, and I giggle.

 

Roxas raises his arms pointedly.  "I want some heartwarming."

 

Saïx sighs a little and hugs him, though he's not frowning, either.  "It's good to see you."

 

"Okay, Sai!"  Axel spreads his arms wide.  "Bro-hug, just like we practiced!"

 

"Axel--"

 

"Handshake first--"

 

" _Axel_ \--"

 

"Manlier, dude!"

 

"This is not--"

 

"This is the part where you're supposed to clap my back."

 

"Ugh."  Saïx pulls free and says with a glare, "Good to see you, too," before scooping up his bag and stalking away.

 

Axel laughs.  "Man alive, I missed him.  So fun.  C'mon, Xi."  He smiles and holds out his hand.  I smile back and take it, and Roxas's hand, too, and we all catch up to Saïx before he reaches Daddy so that the four of us are together.

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  More bedroom confusion...I couldn't decide whether _all_ four of the kids would get their own rooms, or if Axel  & Roxas would share a room. I'm still not sure exactly _how_ rich Xem is. I guess it's a magical adapts-to-the-author's-needs house until I get around to deciding for the final drafts. *smile/sweatdrop*

 

By the way, I do have a timeline for this series, but even though I use the same calendar system, it's still an AU.  For example, "2005" in this universe is not the same as "2005" in the real world, like as far as technological developments and stuff.


	8. Scars {Third person Saix & Axel}

Stepsiblings (the other stories)

A Kingdom Hearts fanfiction series by Raberba girl

 

Summary:  Dumping ground for the darker _Stepsiblings_ stories that I didn't want to be as closely associated with the main series. Rated for violence, I guess.

 

Introduction:  My _Stepsiblings_ series is based on an alternate universe where Saïx  & Xion are siblings whose father got re-married, this time to the mother of Axel & Roxas.  So the four of them are now all stepsiblings.

 

The main series is essentially cute AkuSaiRokuShi fluff, but there were also some disturbing developments....  For example, when I decided to let Sai & Xi's father be a very skewed version of Xemnas, it kind of naturally followed that I would include my cargo ship, Xemnas/KingdomHearts. *sweatdrop*  And the way I personified Kingdom Hearts, she ended up being mentally ill, which led to some unpleasant incidents in Saïx's childhood.  Not to mention Sai's other relatives, which include Xehanort, Xigbar, and Vanitas; even this weird OOC version of Xemnas is not fun, either.

 

Then I also had Axel....  Lea (his mom) wasn't a great character to begin with, but there was a vague implication in _Another Side_ (Axel's version of the "pilot episode") that gave me the idea she might be an abusive mother.   She's not systematic or cold-blooded about it, it's just that she's not good at controlling her temper, and Axel kind of provokes her a lot.  So that ended up extremely unpleasant as well, especially when I was trying to figure out how to account for Axel's tattoos and Saïx's facial scars in this universe. *sigh*

 

Anyway, so this and some other stuff led me to decide that there was too much dark material, I didn't want it too close to the main series and messing up my OT4 fluff.  So I'm going to be lumping the darker stories all together so they'll be easy to identify and avoid.

****

**Scars** (ROUGH DRAFT)

 

Summary:  Saïx and Axel didn't exactly have ideal mothers.

 

A/N:  **Warning for two definite instances of child abuse and several more debatable ones, and for swearing in one scene.**   I have a rule that I never let characters cuss onscreen except, ironically, in religious contexts, but I felt like I had to make an exception this time.

 

**Part 1**

 

He was playing cars.  Mommy was watching him somewhere, but he didn't think about it.  Then he heard her footsteps but before he could turn around she pushed him back on the floor and held him down with her hands on his face.

 

 _'Oh no,'_ he thought.  This again.

 

She held him for a long time, staring and staring and staring, touching his face with her hand.  He didn't like it.  It didn't hurt, but he knew it would if he tried to get away, so he stayed still.  He wished she would stop.  He wanted to tell her to stop, but sometimes when he talked to her when she was staring, it hurt, so he was afraid to say anything, either.

 

"Children have such perfect skin," she whispered, touching.  He couldn't move.  "You are perfect."

 

He knew he wasn't.

 

"My baby," she whispered again, "you could be so perfect, if not for those eyes...."

 

He shut them quickly, before she could push her fingers in them.

 

She stopped touching.  It was quiet, and quiet, and quiet.  He couldn't stay still, couldn't stop shaking, but he tried.

 

" _Look at me_ ," she said, loud and sharp like she was hitting him, so he opened his eyes again but he knew it was going to hurt so he could feel himself crying.

 

"Please, Mommy," he said.

 

She smiled.  His chest stopped feeling so tight.  She didn't hurt him when she smiled.  "You're so frightened, aren't you, baby," she said, touching his face again, pushing his hair back.  "That's good.  When you're frightened, you can't hurt us."

 

She sighed and sat up.  He got up to run, but she said " _Sit down_ " in the hitting voice.  He fell down again, and he wanted to run so bad but she would punish him if he did and he wanted to hide, to disappear so she couldn't find him.

 

" _Look at me_."

 

He looked at her and wished he could stop crying.  She put her hand under his chin so he couldn't look down.  "I love you," she said.

 

"I l-love you very much," he said.

 

She reached out her other hand and she was holding his face between her hands now and he couldn't get away.  "I love the real Saïx," she said.  Her hand moved to his chest.  "The Saïx in here.  The Saïx you're supposed to be."  Her hands reached for his eyes.  He shut them again and tried to put his hands over them to protect them.

 

"Yes," she said.  "The other Saïx lives in you, he looks at me through your eyes and he wants to hurt me, but I won't let him, baby...."

 

He was shaking again, wishing he knew how to find the other Saïx.  He would find the other Saïx and make him go away so Mommy wouldn't be scared anymore and wouldn't want to hurt him.  He didn't know where to find the other Saïx, though.  He didn't feel like two Saïxes, just like one.

 

Her hand touched his face below his hands covering his eyes.  "I don't know what to do with you, baby," she said.  "I don't know how to set you free.  Maybe if I take you Home with me, he can't come with us and he'll be left behind, and I can keep the real you to myself forever...I promise I'll love you forever...."

 

**Part 2**

 

He was hungry.  He put down the toys and went to the living room, where Mom was watching TV AGAIN.  He wondered what would happen if Mom didn't have her TV.  He wanted to take his baseball bat and smash it right through the TV just to see what she would do.  Except he kind of knew what she would do, so he wouldn't try.  Though he still wanted to smash the TV just to see her face and laugh....  Argh, it was so hard to be good sometimes.

 

"Mom, I'm hungry."  No answer.  _'She's ignoring me.  AS USUAL.  ....  Mom, don't ignore me.'_   "Mom," he yelled, grabbing her arm and yanking on it, "I'm HUNGRY!  Be a real mom and cook me dinner!"

 

She yanked her arm out of his hand and hit him without looking, so her fingers kind of slapped across his face.  It didn't really hurt.  Well, it did.  It was his chest that hurt, though, not his face.  "Mommmmmm," he whined, moving back so she couldn't reach him when she tried to hit him again.

 

Finally she turned around.  "Leave me alone," she yelled.  "I'm busy."

 

"You're watching TV," he yelled back.  "Real moms don't sit on their fat butts and watch TV all day!"  Her face was getting ugly, but she wasn't getting up yet so even though he was scared he went on yelling, because even though he was scared he was kind of excited, too.  _'Pay attention to me.'_   "Real moms cook dinner for their kids because they love them!  You don't love me!  You don't feed me!  I'm gonna call CPS again and they're gonna take me away because you're a _bad mo_ \--!"

 

Crap crap crap she was getting up and he ran but she was bigger and faster and crap maybe if I run out of the apartment but the knob's too high and she's grabbing me and _ow_ my hand the knob hurt my hand no NO NO NO

 

She dragged him back, "NO!" he screamed, "I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it, don't--!"

 

 _Smack._   It stung.  He was mad at her because it hurt, but it didn't hurt _that_ much, and....  _'Pay attention to me, Mom,'_ a voice in his mind whispered.

 

She was smacking him harder, and now it really did hurt.  "Mom--" he tried to gasp, but he couldn't breathe, she was hurting him.

 

The tears were pushing hard at his eyes, and he suddenly thought that maybe if he cried, she might feel bad and stop.  That had worked before.  He stopped holding back.  "M...Mom-my," he sobbed, and she stopped.

 

"Don't even start," she growled.  " _Don't even start_ , Axel Yunoki, I know exactly what you're doing."

 

Rage.  " _That's not my name_!" he screamed at her, because it wasn't, it _wasn't_.  Dads weren't real dads when they ran away and left your mom all alone.  He didn't want any part of that person, not his face or his name or _anything_ , because that person should go jump off a cliff and die.  "My name is Axel Deucalion Hayes and don't you ever call me that again, _don't you ever call me that again_!"

 

Her fingers twisted tight in his hair, he couldn't move even though he wanted to jump up and punch her.  "I'll call you what I want," she hissed.  "You be a good son and I'll be a good mother.  You be like your father, and I _call you after your father_."

 

He was so mad, so so so _so mad_ , WHY was he crying, he didn't want to cry he was so mad he wanted to BURN SOMETHING.  "I'M AXEL HAYES," he screamed.  "Don't ever ever ever--!"

 

She grabbed his arms again and started to drag him off.

 

"No," he gasped, "no, no, no, I--  Please, Mom, I--"

 

She swung him around and they stood there glaring at each other, breathing hard, his skin turning white where she was squeezing his arms.  " _Be good_ ," she hissed.

 

He sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm himself down like they'd taught him.  _'One, two, three, four, five, six, seven....'_   He wasn't crying anymore but he could still feel the tears drying on his face, and he _hated_ how it felt, he wanted to scrub them away.  "Mom, I'm hungry," he said tightly.

 

**Part 3**

 

The first time he saw Mommy after the accident, he covered his face.  "I'm sorry, Mommy," he tried to tell her, hoping maybe if he was sorry she wouldn't be mad.

 

Her voice was soft and sweet.  "Let me see, baby."

 

"N...No, please."  His throat was too tight, it was hard to talk.

 

"They told me you hurt your face."

 

She knew.  He trembled as she gently took his hands and pulled them away from his face.  "I'm not perfect anymore," he whispered.

 

She stared at him for so long.  She reached up, and he flinched, but all she did was stroke his cheek.

 

"I can't believe this happened," she murmured.  Her fingertips touched the edge of one scar, traced up, back down, moved along the other scar.  Over and over again.  "How did this happen...?"

 

 _'You did it.  You did this to me.  I tried to be perfect because you wanted me to be perfect, but now I can't be and it's your fault.'_   "We didn't go Home like you wanted," he said miserably.  He should be sad about that, but he wasn't.  He was glad.  He could never tell her that, though.  "The...the other...Saïx...is still...here."

 

Her fingers tightened on his face, just a little, and he shut his eyes.

 

"He won't let us go so easily," she said flatly.  "Well...I'll just have to think of something else."  She leaned down and kissed his face, where the scars crossed each other.  He shivered.  "It's his fault you're ruined, baby, but don't worry.  I'll think of something."

 

**Part 4**

 

She never hit him in front of Ven anymore, not after the time she'd smacked him in the kitchen for something dumb, it hadn't even hurt, but suddenly Ven was like, "Lea, that was uncalled for!" in this shocked voice, and they'd both turned and found him watching in the doorway.  She'd gone all simpering and gooey like she usually did around Ven and then let Axel have it later, after Ven had left for work.

 

"It's not _my_ fault he decided to walk in right then!" he yelled.

 

"If you'd just stop driving me _crazy_!" she'd yelled back.

 

It was...weird.  Ven had sat him down later and had this serious dumb talk, and Axel was like, "Yeah, okay, mm-hm, sure, fine" until Ven finally gave up and left him alone.  Well...maybe he was right?  Maybe.  Still, it was just weird.  Axel was used to it.

 

It wasn't like it even hurt.  Most of the time.  Most of the time she wasn't serious.  He had to be _really_ bad, and push those exact buttons he knew how to press, and she had to be _really_ mad....

 

It was one of the times he'd gotten suspended for bringing a lighter to school.  Somehow it went from that to her being pregnant.

 

"When are you going to grow up?!  You're gonna be a big brother, Axel!  You gonna role model that kind of thing for Roxas and get him thrown in jail just like you're gonna be someday?"

 

"Just 'cuz I'm a pyro doesn't mean I'm gonna end up in _jail_ , Mom!  Geez!"

 

"Stop _saying_ that!  Only stupid idiot kids would brag about getting kicked out of school 24/7 in freaking _fifth grade_ , and always stealing those stupid lighters and getting _me_ in trouble and--"

 

"I don't _steal_ them, people just _give_ them to me."

 

"And I suppose you're just going to _give_ Roxas lighters and blow all of us up one day because you're too stupid and immature to--"

 

"Roxas, Roxas, Roxas!  Shut up about Roxas already!"

 

"Don't you tell me to shut up!"

 

"Because you go ON AND ON AND ON about him!  Who CARES about him?  What's so SPECIAL about him?  He's not even freaking BORN yet, he's an IT, and maybe he'll never be a he because you're gonna screw up and he'll get born too early all bloody and dead just like you killed all the other--"

 

Her face had gone blank with rage but he was too furious himself to notice and she seized him by the hair and slammed his face into the table as hard as she could.  She'd yanked back and smashed his head down again but not as hard this time, and then she just stood there and finally his brain stopped fitzing and he put his hand up to his face.  It hurt.  Not at first, but now it hurt so much.  He took his hand away and was shocked to see all the blood smeared on it, and she let go of his hair.

 

The table was a mess like it always was.  He saw now what had gashed him, its sharp point shining crimson with his blood, and now it stung like fire under his eye and he could feel the blood starting to trickle down his neck.

 

"I'm calling 9-1-1," she said in this flat, dead voice.  She picked up the phone and then put it down again and knelt down in front of him and took the hand he wasn't holding on his face and whispered, "Axel, please, please don't tell them I did this, they'll take Roxas away from me and please, just like you lied to that officer please lie for me this time, don't tell them the truth because please, please, I can't lose Ven's baby...."

 

**Part 5**

 

"I'm going to take you Home with me, and I'll love you forever...."

 

He froze, and a chill seemed to creep through his spine.  He moved back down the hall and peeked into the open door where he had heard Mother's voice.

 

She had Xion on the bed and was holding her down like she had used to hold him, hands on either side of the baby's face, pinning her with her arms, crooning at her, "My beautiful little girl, my sweet, perfect child...."

 

Xion didn't like it, either.  She tried to kick, and she was complaining in her strange baby-talk.

 

 _'Don't,'_ he thought.  _'It just makes it worse when you try to get away.'_

 

"Sssshh, shh shh shh shhhh, it's all right, darling, I'll hold you close and protect you forever...I won't let Them get to you, I won't...."  Fingertips stroking along a soft, unblemished cheek.  "So...so perfect...."

 

 _'Xion really is perfect,'_ he thought.  _'She can't frighten Mother.  She's more perfect than I could ever be.'_

 

Xion shrieked something.

 

"Sssshhh," Mother hissed.  She was getting angry.

 

He felt sick.  _'Why don't you stay still?  Stay_ still _.  Smile for her.'_

 

"No!" the baby screeched.

 

"My darling," Mother said.  Still calm.  But not for long.  "Hush, now.  I'm not like Them.  I love you.  You are...perfect...you will never be like Them...."  Fingers reaching for angry blue eyes.

 

He didn't even realize what he was doing until he had rushed in and started to speak.  "Mother, please."

 

She whirled.  "What do you want," she said in her hard voice.

 

He froze.

 

Then her face softened, and she knelt down and smiled, holding out her arms.  "I'm sorry, my dear.  Did I frighten you?"

 

What should he say?

 

"Of course I did," she laughed.  "I can see it in your eyes.  Come here, darling."

 

He stepped into her arms.  She held him and sang to him for a moment.  He couldn't stop staring over her shoulder at Xion, who was staring back curiously.  If Mother was holding him, she couldn't touch Xion.

 

Mother pulled back and smiled at him, cupping his face in her hands.  He didn't move.  He forced himself not to look at Xion anymore, either.  _'Eyes on me,'_ he thought.  _'Just me.'_

 

"Forgive me, darling, but it's such a _relief_ to be able to frighten you back," she said affectionately.  "Would you like me to play with you?"

 

"Father's calling," he whispered.  The lie felt like chalk dust in his mouth.  But Xion was watching.  "He wants you right away."

 

Mother frowned.  Her fingers tightened on his face and he flinched, but it was only because she was distracted.  "Now...."

 

"He told me to take Xion to the kitchen," he managed.  "I'll...feed her."  So many lies.  For Xion.  Because she was smaller than him, and she didn't know the rules yet.  He was her brother now, and he had to help her.

 

Mother looked at him hard.  He forced himself to look back.  "Are you lying to me?" she said, and it was as if her voice was piercing him.

 

"Mother, I love you so much," he said without thinking.

 

Finally, she pressed her lips to his skin, where the scars crossed.  _"I can destroy you,"_ her kiss said.  _"I nearly did once before."_   Then she got up and went away.

 

He went to the bed and tried to pick up Xion, but she was so heavy and his limbs felt like water.  He sank to the ground with her in his arms, feeling like he had no strength left.  "What's wrong with me?" he whispered.

 

Xion patted his face, and he closed his eyes to protect them.  Then he felt her wet mouth press against his jaw.  _"I love you,"_ her kiss said.  _"I always will."_

 

**Part 6**

 

_Crash._

 

"Why did you do that?!" Mom screamed from the kitchen.

 

"Didn't do it!" Roxas screamed back.

 

Axel ripped the headphones off and vaulted off the couch.  He skidded to a stop in the kitchen doorway and caught himself on the doorpost, taking in the sight of Roxas sitting on the counter kicking his heels against the drawers, and Mom's cake splattered all over the floor.

 

"That cake was for your father!"

 

"For me!"

 

Mom raised her hand.

 

"Hey, bitch!" Axel shouted.

 

Mom's head snapped to him.

 

"Alexa," Roxas said happily.

 

Axel backed away into the living room again as she stormed at him, _'Don't run don't run don't run,'_ he told himself, and closed his eyes and turned his head slightly in anticipation of the blow.  It didn't come, and he realized she was staring at the scar beneath his eye again.  That thing really did come in handy.

 

"What did you call me?" she hissed instead.

 

"I called you a bitch," he said readily.  "Come on, hit me.  Hit me like you were going to hit Roxas.  Hit me like you were going to hit that two-year-old kid."

 

She seized his collar hard.  _'Don't run.'_   He looked her straight in the eye.

 

Then she backed off.  "Don't guilt-trip me.  Don't you _dare_ look at me like that and try to guilt-trip me."

 

"Next time you even _think_ of raising your hand like that to Roxas, I'M going to be the one hitting YOU."

 

She gripped his chin and stared at him hard.  He stared right back.  Hands out, open.  _'Try me.'_

 

Then she shoved him away from her.  "Clean up the kitchen," she hissed.  She stormed to her room and slammed the door shut.

 

Axel went into the kitchen and walked right through the wrecked cake and picked up Roxas and held him tight.

 

"Made Mommy mad," Roxas told him, a little sheepishly.

 

Axel tried to answer but he couldn't get the words past the tightness in his throat, so he just held Roxas some more.  After a long time, "I love you, kiddo," he finally managed to whisper.

 

"I want cake."

 

"Okay."  He laughed, even though he felt more like wanting to cry.  _'I will never, ever let anyone hurt you.'_   "Okay.  Sure.  Let's see if we can try this again...."

 

**Part 7**

 

"Hurry up!" Lea yelled up the stairs, "We're late!"

 

"Chill!" Axel yelled back, "We're always late for _everything_!"

 

"Including her own wedding," Saïx muttered.  "I will never understand why I must now be related to you people...."

 

"Ah, shut up, you're too uptight.  Seriously, that was weeks ago."

 

"Since which time, we've been late to two birthday parties, an awards ceremony, a piano recital, someone else's wedding, enough movies and sports events that I'm losing track--"

 

"Axel, I can't reach my buttons!" Xion shrieked.

 

"Give me a minute, I'm busy!" he exclaimed, carefully trying to finish up the vaguely X-shaped symbol he was painting on Roxas's cheek.  "Roxas, hold _still_."

 

"But it tickles!"

 

"Axeeeellll!" Xion whined.

 

Saïx sighed, laying aside the gel bottle he had been using to try to make the stupid wig behave.  "Come here, Xion."

 

"Saïx, fix my buttons!"

 

"That's what I'm _doing_ , be patient."

 

The four of them were crowded in the main upstairs bathroom, trying to finish up their costumes.

 

"Saïx," Axel realized, "you're seriously not gonna wear your glasses to this thing, right?"

 

"Do you see a contacts case anywhere?"  Saïx brushed Xion's hair away from her neck so that it wouldn't get tangled up in the buttons.

 

"Saïx!  You're dressed like Sephiroth!  You can't wear _glasses_!"

 

"I don't like contacts," he grumbled, leaning rather closer to his task than was necessary.

 

"Dude, don't give me that, you wore them for the wedding."

 

"That was _my father's wedding_ ," Saïx said in exasperation.  "Certain sacrifices were in order."

 

"Saïx and Axel are fighting again," Xion told Roxas.

 

"Saïx and Axel are stupid," Roxas agreed.  He hopped off the sink into Axel's lap ("Oof!"), and then onto the floor.  "Race you!"

 

"Race you where?!" Xion shrieked as she took off after him.

 

Saïx touched a hand to his forehead in a gesture of longsuffering.

 

"Aren't they hilarious?" Axel laughed.  "Then he frowned.  Stop distracting me!  Glasses!"

 

"Axel, you're quite talented at distracting yourself," Saïx said dryly, starting to gather things back into the baskets and boxes they were supposed to be stored in.

 

Axel pointed a finger in his face.  "You know, you wouldn't look _nearly_ as nerdy if you just sucked it up and switched to contacts all the time."

 

"Axel.  In case you haven't noticed, my family has a genetic predisposition to a certain visual condition.  It makes corrective lenses almost more trouble than they're worth.  The glasses themselves are irritating enough, I can barely see through the distortion when I have to use contacts."

 

Axel paused.  "Really?"

 

Saïx silently started stacking the supplies back in the cabinet.

 

Axel shook his head.  "See, this is why teachers are liars and reading is actually bad for you."

 

"...."

 

Axel frowned.  "Saïx?"

 

"Yes," Saïx said hollowly, his back still turned as he went on tidying up.  "I strained my vision from reading too much."

 

There was a distinctly ironic tone to that statement.  Something was wrong.  Axel finally got up and tried to get on Saïx's other side.  It was more difficult than it should have been.  "Saïx, stop that.  Look at me."

 

"We're running late."  Saïx started to turn for the door, but Axel grabbed his arm.

 

"Why do you need glasses, Sai?"

 

Saïx was quiet for a long time.  Then he finally lifted his head, looked at Axel straight on, and said steadily, "My mother found my eyes disturbing."

 

Axel's mouth was suddenly dry.  "Wh...What?"

 

"She didn't like my eyes.  What more do you want to hear?"

 

Axel was staring at him.  "Y'mean she...?"  He suddenly gritted his teeth, his hand clenching around Saïx's arm.  "Not enough that she had to cut up your face and try to smash you to death, oh no, not for her--"

 

"Stop."

 

Axel ground his teeth together again to keep from flinching.  Whatever trouble Saïx might have with his eyes from his end, they were still fully functional for doomgazing purposes.

 

"Do not speak disrespectfully of my mother."

 

"I can say what I want about anyone who would do something like that to their own kid," Axel started to growl, but then broke off, astonished and a little uneasy.  "Sai?"

 

Saïx had reached up, softly resting his fingertips against his brother's face.  One thumb was pressed against the scar hidden in ink.  "Do you feel like telling me why your own mother allowed you to get facial tattoos before you were sixteen years old?"

 

Axel swallowed.  "Touché," he whispered, trying to smile.  He hadn't even realized that Saïx had noticed that the tattoos weren't just for decoration.  Then he couldn't think of what to say, and he thought that Saïx might move away or say something else, but he simply waited.  "She never hurt Roxas.  I made sure of that."

 

Golden eyes narrowed.  "And you?"

 

"Heh.  She can't even stand to look at me anymore when I make her mad.  The scar was pretty good on its own, she hated it and let me get the tattoos to cover it up, but now it's even worse than before, for her."  He smiled in satisfaction.  "Besides, I don't even care anymore.  I'm a big boy, I can take care of myself."

 

"...You don't...have to worry about having take care of yourself, you know.  Not anymore.  At least, not all the ti--"  Saïx's eyes widened.  "Stop."

 

"Thanks, Saïx," Axel whispered, still hugging him.  "I knew you'd have my back."

 

"Really, stop.  Axel.  _Axel_.  Let go, we're going to be late - Axel!  Let go!"

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  If this story offended anyone, I apologize; and if you thought it was all ridiculous and melodramatic and OOC, I apologize for that, too.  I write the ideas that occur to me, I don't always like how they turn out. :/

 

Okay.  For the record.  I think corporal punishment is fine, but it _has_ to be done right.  You _should not_ administer it when you are angry, and there is a difference between legitimate discipline and abuse.  What I wrote about in this story was NOT how I believe it should be done, okay?  Okay.

 

I _love_ Yunoki (from _La Corda d'Oro_ ).  It's just that it was a little tricky, trying to find someone I liked to be Axel's dad, whom I also didn't mind being a complete jerk.  The reason I love Yunoki so much is _because_ he's a complete and total jerk. ^^;  At first I thought that his looks were a problem, but now I'm starting to think that his eye color at least might work to my advantage.

 

Ummm...I think that Sephiroth might actually be a character in this universe, in which case it wouldn't make much sense for Saïx to be cosplaying as him. *sweatdrop*

 

I had to rewrite Part 7 twice before I finally figured out, on my third try, the best way to present the information.  I'll see if I can finish and fix up the two failed attempts as separate drabbles (one of them is much more light-hearted than this story, and the other deals with different, less uncomfortable subject matter).


	9. That Time of Year {Saix & Axel}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**That Time of Year (rough draft)**

 

Summary:  Most kids love Christmas.  There are some exceptions.

 

**Saïx, age 4**

 

"...Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"  Mommy closes the book and smiles and kisses me.  "Did you like the story, darling?"

 

I don't remember the story.  There were deer and snow.  I like when Mommy reads to me.  "Yes."

 

She kisses me again and holds me tight.  "Tonight is Christmas Eve," she says.  "Sleep well, my darling, and tomorrow when you wake up, the living room will be filled with sparkling lights, and presents, so many presents...."

 

No presents in the living room now.  "Where do the presents come from?" I ask.  Does Santa leave them?  I think that's what the book said.

 

"Why, Santa Claus will come and leave them for us, silly!"

 

"...He'll come tomorrow?"

 

"Tonight, darling."

 

Something's wrong.  "When I'm _asleep_?"

 

She laughs.  Why is she laughing?  It's not funny.  I don't like it.  "Of course when you're asleep!"

 

"...When you're asleep?"

 

"Mm.  Santa Claus only comes when good little boys and girls fall asleep and give their parents a rest."

 

"But the parents stay up?"

 

She pinches my cheek.  She's mad now.  Stupid Saïx stupid Saïx stupid Saïx....  "I think you're being stupid on purpose, darling."  It wasn't on purpose.  I didn't mean it.  I'll be good and fall asleep.  "Tonight, when everyone's asleep, Santa Claus will come down the chimney and tiptoe through the dark and open his great big bag...."

 

I stare at her.  This is a good thing?  This is a bad thing.  Why did the book say it was a good thing?  "I don't want Santa to come."

 

She stares at me.  I try to get out of her arms but she's holding me and I can't get out.  "Why ever not, darling?"

 

"...."

 

She pinches me again.  "Answer me.  What are you frightened of?"

 

"...Santa."

 

"You're so strange," she says, and touches my hair.  "What a strange son I have...maybe it's the other one who's speaking such nonsense."

 

Oh.  The other Saïx.  Maybe it's the other Saïx who's scared of Santa, not me.

 

...Maybe we're both scared of Santa.  Santa won't know there are two of us, only me and Mommy know.  Santa will come get the other Saïx, but he'll get me, too.

 

"Don't let him come in, Mommy."  It's really important.  "Please.  Please don't let him come in."

 

She laughs.  "Santa can do whatever he likes.  It doesn't matter whether you lock the doors or set the alarms or try your hardest to keep him out, he always finds a way inside...."

 

My back hurts.  It feels like spiders are walking all up and down it.  "Please don't let him in, Mommy," I tell her.

 

She kisses my face, between my eyes, and she bites me a little.  "Be good.  Be a very, very good boy.  If you're bad, I'll let him in and he'll come and do terrible things to you."

 

"I'll be good," I try to say, but I can't talk, my throat hurts, and I can't see.  "I'll be good, I'll be good, I'll be good."

 

"Mm."  She's still kissing me.  Under my eyes, where the tears are.  She likes how they taste, she told me one time.

 

"If I go to sleep, will you not do that?"

 

"Mm...."  She stops and sighs.  "I should let you go to bed."

 

"Please...stay up tonight...."

 

"I'm going to _bed_ ," she says, and she's mad, I can't say anything else.  She gets up and pulls the covers around me and pats me.  "Sleep well, my darling."

 

"Please...don't...let him...get me...."

 

She smiles.  Her fingers walk up the blanket to my face.  "Be - very - very - good."  She holds my neck.  "Or he'll _get_ you."

 

I can't breathe.  I can't breathe I can't breathe, Mommy stop--

 

She lets go.  "Promise?"

 

I can't talk.  I try to nod my head.

 

She kisses me again and walks away.  She turns out the light.  It's dark, it's so dark, the spiders are walking up and down my back and my neck hurts and I can't stop crying and I can't move and I don't want him to come get me, please don't come please don't come please don't come please don't....

 

**Axel, age 8**

 

Christmas is tomorrow Christmas is tomorrow Christmas is tomorrow Christmas is tomorrooooowwwww!!!

 

I can't wait.  I'm so excited.  I can't wait.  "Mom, Santa's gonna come and leave _lots_ of presents this year, right?  He's gonna leave a lot of presents?"

 

" _Yes_ , Axel!" she says.  She sounds kind of mad.  _Why isn't she excited that Santa's coming?_   Geez!  "Now go to sleep."

 

"I wanna stay up and wait for Santa!"

 

"Axel, go to SLEEP."

 

Argh, Mom is no fun.  "You _have_ to get out of bed when I wake you up tomorrow, okay?"

 

She pounces on me and holds the blankets down tight so that I can't move.  "You better not come bouncing in at five in the morning, kiddo," she growls like when we're playing, then she tickles me until I can't breathe and makes me promise I won't wake her up early.

 

"You're no fun!" I yell as she leaves.

 

"And you're a pain in the butt!" she yells back.  "But I love you anyway!"

 

"I love you, too, party pooper!"

 

I can't sleep.  There is _no way_ to sleep.  Christmas is tomorrow Christmas is tomorrow Christmas is tomorrow Christmas is tomorrow....

 

Toss and turn and toss and turn.  I can't stand it anymore.  Can't watch TV, Mom'll kill me; don't wanna play with my toys; nothing else to do, nothing to doooooo for all the hours and hours and hours until Santa comes!

 

THERE'S A NOISE OUTSIDE.  I run to the window.

 

I think it's Santa for a second, but it's not, it's too small.  Mom?  It's Mom.  She's out in the snow.  What the heck is she doing?  Walking around...she has some weird stick in her hand...pushing the flat part on the ground, all over the yard....

 

I hide below the windowsill and watch until she goes back inside again.  What the heck?

 

Sneak to the door, listen and listen and listen until I finally hear her go to bed.

 

Get out, wander around the house.  Eat cookies until I feel sick.  Uggghhh, the clock's barely moved, _why isn't it Christmas yet...?_

 

Go into the living room WAIT A SECOND, where did all these presents come from?!  So many...wait, Santa was _here_?  How was he _here_ already?  I was watching!  I was listening!  Mom would have said if he'd come when she was awake, right?

 

I don't get it.  I rip open a few presents, but it's not really fun when it's dark and I'm alone.  I take the toys out of the boxes and try to play with them, but it's too quiet; I turn on the TV and put the volume all the way down, but it's too quiet, it's so quiet, it's creepy and I'm going back to bed.

 

Mom wakes me up the next morning.  "Axel!  What in the world are you still doing in bed?!"

 

I stare up at her.  "Did you see Santa come last night?"

 

"Well...I mean, there are the tracks."

 

I sit up.  " _Tracks_?"

 

She smiles and points outside.  "Take a look for yourself."

 

I run outside, and sure enough, there they are, _reindeer tracks_ , ahhhh!  Santa's actually been here!  He was here!

 

...Mom was out here, too.  With a stick in her hands.  In the snow.  Wait....

 

Christmas isn't really fun this year.  I've already opened some of my presents, so I open the rest but it's not great, I mean the toys are cool but I dunno....

 

What were those tracks?  Were they really reindeer tracks?

 

Ven's plane comes in at 3:00; by lunchtime, she's dumped me at Uncle Reno's.

 

"Heyyyy, kiddo!"  Uncle Reno messes up my hair.  "How was Christmas, eh?"

 

"Uncle Reno, is Santa real?"

 

"Of course not, only idiots believe that."

 

I stare at him.  "He left tracks in our backyard.  But I think Mom did that."

 

"Heh heh, so she really used that reindeer stamp thing, huh?"

 

"What are you talking about?"

 

A few weeks later, Mom's making me clean the garage again, and I find the stick.  It's got something on the bottom shaped like reindeer hoofs.  Someone could walk around outside and stab that thing in the snow and make it look like a bunch of reindeer were walking around.

 

"I'm not an idiot," I say.  But it was fun, it was so fun while it lasted, why couldn't it be real, why couldn't I have had it for a few more years like all my other idiot friends, why does it have to be a lie...?

 

I tell everyone that Santa's a fake.  The grown-ups laugh and say I'm silly; the girls cry and I feel bad; I get in fights with the other boys.  "Axel," Ven says, "maybe you should just keep this to yourself.  Let them have their fun."

 

"I didn't get to keep my fun."

 

He looks like he doesn't know what to say.  He pats my shoulder.

 

"I wish I'd never heard of Santa Claus."

 

"Oh...."

 

I'm over it by the next Christmas.  I tell Mom I believe in Santa again, so she writes "From Santa" on all the presents but I'm _watching her do it_.  It's so stupid.

 

There aren't any tracks in the snow this year.  I go and get the stamp and stamp it all over the snow in the yard, and I come in and say, "Look, Santa was here."

 

"You're right, he was here!" Mom says.

 

Ven doesn't say anything.  He just gives me a hug.  WHY do I feel like I'm gonna start crying, I run up to my room and don't come out again until I can make the tears stay inside.

 

**Saïx, age 8**

 

I hate my cousin.

 

I wouldn't get in the box, so Van hit me and pushed me down and tied my hands with the ribbon they used for the presents, and it's too tight and my arms hurt and my hands are tingling, and now he has a marker and he's writing on my face.

 

"Stay _still_ , you little turd!"

 

"Get _off_ me!"

 

He throws the marker and puts his face close to mine.  "Be good," he sings, "'cuz if you're not, Santa Claus is gonna come and _get you_."

 

I can't cry in front of Van I can't cry in front of Van I _can't cry in front of Van_.  It's so hard not to cry, I can't do anything when he grabs the marker again and finishes writing.

 

"There," he says, "you're a perfect little present from Santa.  I hope your mom freaks out and smashes you into another wall.  I hope you die this time."

 

I hope he dies, too, but I can't say that because if I say anything I'll cry.

 

The door opens.  Someone comes in.  I hope it's someone good.  Van's already hurting me, and if more people come and help him hurt me, I won't be able to...I can't....

 

"Van!  What are you _doing_!?"

 

It's Aunt Rinoa, it's Aunt Rinoa, oh thank you thank you thank you, please help me....

 

"I wasn't doing anything!" Van yells, jumping off me.

 

Aunt Rinoa stares at me, and I try to get up and look away because I look horrible and she probably thinks I'm awful.  She turns around and tries to grab Van, but he ran away.  I hope she chases after him.  I don't like her seeing me like this.

 

She's doesn't, she comes over and breaks the ribbon around my arms.  My hands hurt.  I want to tell her to go away, but tears are already coming and if I say anything, she'll know I'm crying.

 

"Poor baby," she says, pulling the bow off my hair and holding my arm where Van cut me with the scissors.  "Come here, let's get you cleaned up...."

 

I can't hide it anymore when we get to the bathroom, but she acts like she doesn't care I'm crying.  She puts a bandage on the cut and takes a cloth and scrubs at my face.  It hurts a little, but not as much as my hands, I can't even _move_ them they tingle and burn like they fell asleep.  She finds a comb and fixes my hair, and when she's doing that I see my face in the mirror, and it's not as bad as I thought...it looks strange, she couldn't get all the black off, but you can't really see what Van wrote anymore.  My hands don't hurt as much.  I can feel them now, mostly.

 

Aunt Rinoa turns me around and holds my face and looks worried.  "Are you all right, baby?"  She holds me and she calls me baby just like Mother does.  I don't mind.  It's nice when Aunt Rinoa does it.

 

"I'm always all right," I tell her.  My throat hurts, but I can say it without crying.

 

Aunt Rinoa hugs me for a long time.  "Sweetheart," she finally says, "Squall and I can leave the party now.  We can take you home with us, if you want.  Do you want us to take you home early?"

 

" _Yes_ ," I tell her, but we go and ask Father, and Father won't let me.  It's the only time all year that our whole family's together, and I have to stay.

 

"What happened to you, kiddo?" Uncle Xigbar laughs.

 

Aunt Rinoa glares.  "Ask your son."

 

Uncle Xigbar rolls his eyes.  "Whatever, I get the picture."

 

"Then go do something about it!"

 

They're fighting, so I go look for someplace quiet where no one will find me.  There's a bookshelf with boring-looking books.  I take one out and start reading, and I don't know what it's about but the words are fun to say.  _"From...fairest creatures we desire increase, that there_....  What?  'Thereby'?  _beauty's rose might never die, but as the_...ripper... _should by time decrease...."_

 

"Now here's a little bookworm that seriously needs to be squished," someone says, and I'm throwing the book at Van's face.

 

He ducks and laughs and grabs me, and I kick him, and he's twisting my arms behind my back and telling me he's going to squish me like a worm and then I hear Uncle Xigbar's voice.

 

"Now, see, this kind of thing is why women keep yelling at me."

 

Van lets go.  I kick him hard, he starts hitting me but Uncle Xigbar pulls him off.  "Van, seriously, cut it out, it's frickin' _Christmas_."

 

"He should go die," Van snarls.

 

"I can think of someone who _definitely_ needs to die, and it's not your cousin...at least, not yet...."

 

"I want to go _home_!"

 

"Don't be a brat."  Uncle Xigbar shoves him toward the door, Van sticks up his middle finger, Uncle Xigbar's eyes glow and Van runs away screaming that he's sorry.

 

I can't tell Van's father that I hate him.  "Why is he always so mean to me?" I ask.

 

"Maybe he has a crush on you," Uncle Xigbar says, pulling me to my feet.

 

"What?"

 

"Hm...."  Uncle Xigbar's holding my face and looking at it.  "He really did a number on you, huh."

 

"I want to go home."

 

"Don't blame you," he says, sitting down on the couch.  "Boring party like this is no place for kids...or for me...man, I need a real drink."

 

"...Uncle Xigbar?"

 

"Hm?"

 

"Is Mother scared of Santa?"

 

He stares.  "What?"

 

"Van said she'd be scared if he gave me to her as a present...is it because she'd think I'm from Santa?"

 

"Sai, you are the strangest kid sometimes," he says, and laughs.  "No one's scared of Santa.  Everyone loves Santa."

 

I stare.

 

He stares back.  "Right?"

 

My mouth feels dry.  "No one is?  Even though he watches you all the time and comes and _gets you_ when you're bad?"

 

Uncle Xigbar stares some more.  I think I said something wrong.

 

"Never mind."

 

Uncle Xigbar smiles.  "No, you got a point there, kiddo.  'He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake'...Santa has his eye on you _alllll_ the time, he's watching for you to make a wrong move, and when you do - on Christmas Eve - he sneaks into your house and--"  He claps his hands hard in front of my face, and I jerk away.  He laughs at me.  "Oh, kid, you are a riot."

 

I don't know what he's talking about.  I shouldn't have said anything to him about Santa.  "I'm good."

 

Uncle Xigbar leans close.  "Are you?" he whispers, smiling.

 

I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, Santa knows, he was watching me and Van fight, he knows I wasn't good....

 

"Whoa.  Geez, don't have a heart attack, kid, I was just teasing you."

 

I stare at him.  "So Santa's really not watching?"

 

"Well...."

 

Aunt Bianca stomps in, dragging Van by the ear.  "Xigbar Acerbi, _what_ was Rinoa just telling me about _your son_???"

 

"I dunno, what was she telling you about _your son_?" Uncle Xigbar says.

 

"I didn't do it!" Van yells.

 

Aunt Bianca sees me.  She points.  "You didn't do _that_?  Poor Saïx did NOT show up to this party with marker streaks all over his face and covered with bandages!"

 

"Saïx is a _wuss_!"

 

"And _you_ are about to get in serious trouble!"

 

"NO!"

 

"Yes!"

 

"NO!"

 

"Yes!"

 

"No!" Uncle Xigbar yells.

 

"Yes!" Van yells.

 

"No!" Uncle Xigbar yells again, and he's laughing for some reason.

 

"Ye--!"  Van's eyes widen.  "YOU TRICKED ME!"

 

Too much yelling.  I escape out the side door.

 

When we finally get home after the party, it's late and I'm so tired.  I fell asleep in the car; Father carries me to my bed, but after he leaves I can't sleep, we're home and it's Christmas Eve and it's dark and I'm so tired but I keep thinking I hear noises on the roof....

 

I'm so tired, but finally I get up and take my blanket into my closet and shut the door, like I do every year.  He's never found me in here.  I can't stay awake, but if I'm in here instead of in my bed, then maybe even if I fall asleep I'll still be safe....

 

**Saïx, age 11**

 

I didn't know eyes could be pretty, but Xion has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen.  Sometimes I stand there looking at her for a long, long time, because I can't stop looking at her eyes, and she keeps laughing and reaching up for my eyes, as if she likes them, too.  I've never seen eyes like hers...blue, and warm.  She likes me.  I know she likes me, even when she pulls on my hair and drools on me.  She smiles a lot when I hold her.

 

I don't know what I did to make her like me...no one else does, except my aunts, and both of them are gone now...but somehow, for some reason, when Xion looks at me, her eyes aren't hard and cold.  They've never been.

 

Xion's really annoying, too...Mother gets upset a lot more than she used to, and then I have to take care of Xion.  And Xion's messy.  _So messy._   Father says that all babies and children are like that, even me when I was younger.  But...I don't know.  Sometimes, when Xion looks at me like she's looking at me now, I don't mind very much that she's annoying.

 

"You have to color in the lines, Xion."

 

"Pretty."  She holds up her picture.  It's awful, she just scribbled the crayon all over the place.

 

"No.  Not like that.  Look."  I show her, coloring really carefully so that all the color stays inside the lines and none of it gets out.  Xion still has the blue crayon in her hand, and she scribbles over what I just colored.  "NO, Xion!"

 

"No!" she says at me, and throws the crayon.

 

"You're not supposed to throw tantrums, Xion.  You have to be a good girl."  I turn the page in the coloring book to try again.  It's a picture of Santa Claus.  I rip out the page and wad it up, crush and crush it as hard as I can, but it's not enough so I uncrumple it again and rip it up into the smallest pieces I can make.

 

"Ha ha!"  Xion looks happy.  She tears more pages out of the book, but they don't have Santa on them.

 

" _No_ , Xion!"  She's so stupid.  I don't know if all babies are stupid or just her, but she really is, and it makes me want to hit my head against the wall.

 

" _You're_ stupid!" Xion yells, and hits her head against me like she read my mind.

 

"Stop it, don't do that.  Look, _watch_ how I color."

 

After a while she sits on my back and watches me, and she's heavy and stupid but it's better than her scribbling all over the place, so I just let her sit there while I color.  Brown for the reindeer, green for the tree, all sorts of colors for the presents....

 

"Tomorrow's Christmas, Xion.  There'll be presents - I made something for you, too, at school.  You probably won't like it, or you'll eat it or something, but listen, it's the thought that counts.  That's what the grown-ups--  That's what the _adults_ say.  You're my sister now, so I made you a present, okay?"

 

She pulls on my hair and drools on me.  But she sounds happy.  I really hope she won't stay this stupid when she grows up.

 

At the party that night, it's the first time a lot of them have gotten to see her, _everyone_ loves Xion.  Kind of.  They're kind of scary, too, they all look like they're going to eat her, a bunch of yellow-eyed tigers and hawks, and she's so tiny and her eyes are only blue, she can't hurt anyone but they can hurt her so easy....

 

She won't stop crying.  Mother finally takes her back, but when she still won't stop crying, Mother gets angry and gives her to Father.  She's still crying.  Why is everyone being so _stupid_?  They're all too close and too loud, they won't leave her alone.  Of course she's upset.

 

"Xion, enough now," Father says sternly.  "You are making a scene and behaving very badly."

 

"Want Sax," she sobs.

 

She can't say my name right.  I hate it.

 

"Want Sax.  I'm good.  Don't burn."

 

Sometimes I have no idea what she's talking about, but I go up and Father lets me hold her, and she wraps her arms tight around my neck and hides her face on my shoulder.  I can't breathe, I wish she'd let go.

 

"Heh, looks like the little poppet's taken a shine to her big brother," Uncle Xigbar laughs.

 

What a stupid nickname.  She's not a _doll_.  She's too heavy and gross for that.  "She wants to lie down," I say, because it's the only thing I can think of to get her out of there, away from them all.  "I'm going to take her upstairs."

 

"Keep her there," Mother snaps.  "I'm sick of looking at both of you."

 

"Yes, Mother."  That's so ridiculous.  We just _got_ Xion a couple of weeks ago, and already Mother doesn't like her...?  She was the one who wanted her so badly in the first place.  "Come on, Xion."

 

I take her upstairs and put her on the bed in one of the guest rooms, but now that we're alone, she doesn't want to sleep.  She laughs and tries to sit on me.  "No more burn.  Sax good."

 

"Make sense, please."  I push her off and sit up again.  She tries to crawl off the bed and nearly falls.  I stand up and take her arms and swing her off, but when I try to let go, she grabs me again.

 

"Swing!  Swing!"

 

Ugh.  I swing her a few times, but she is _heavy_.

 

"Swing!"

 

"Enough, Xion!"

 

Then the door suddenly bursts open and I shove Xion back on the bed and stand in front of her.  It's Van.  If Van tries to hurt her, I will kill him.

 

"I didn't get to see the baby," he says.

 

"Go away," I growl.

 

"Let me _see_."

 

I reach for the closest heavy thing I can find, the telephone on the bedside table, but before I can turn around again he tackles me and tries to wrestle it out of my hands.  I shove back and knock us both over so that I land on him, but he's so quick, he flips up on top and starts hitting me.

 

Then he freezes.  Xion is crying.  "No!  No!  No!  No!"

 

Van lowers his fists and smiles at her.  "It's okay, little girl, we were just playing."

 

"We were _not_ ," I snarl at him.  I want to put my hand over my face, because it hurts where he hit me, but the way he's kneeling, he's got my arms pinned and I can't move.  "Get _off_ me."

 

"Go away!" Xion wails.  "Go away!"

 

"Nooo," Van says in this baby-hushing voice, getting up and going to take hold of her, "No, no, no, little girl, stop crying, I won't hurt him if it's so important to you--"

 

"NO!" she screams in a panic, pushing at him.

 

I struggle to my feet and try to shove him aside so I can take her, but he fights back.  " _Give_ her to me."

 

"No!  I want to see her!" he yells.

 

"She hates you!"

 

He tells me to go do something that I wish he hadn't said in front of Xion.

 

"No.  Give her _back_."

 

He puts her down again and grabs me and starts hurting me with that blank look he gets when he's really serious and isn't just doing it for fun, but now Xion's screaming instead of just crying, and throwing a fit.  "GO AWAY SAX!"

 

I know what she really means.  I can tell Van knows, too, even though he pretends not to.  "But I'm _making_ him go away," he coos.  "I'll kill him and he'll go away forever and you'll never have to worry about him ever again."

 

She falls forward and sobs like her heart is broken.

 

"Gah!"  Van throws me down, then kneels over me again and holds my hands tight when I try to push him away.  "Saïx," he says.  He almost never calls me by my name, and it makes me pause.  "Please."  I don't care what he says or what he wants, I want to kill him.  " _Please_.  I never got to see her.  Let me just look at her.  You can even hold her, just let me...."

 

His eyes.  I've never seen things in them before except when he wants to hurt me, but for the first time I see in his eyes - _desperation "Please Saïx she's so beautiful and small and helpless and I can crush her but I don't want to I don't want to I don't want to I want her treasure her forever...."_

 

"What?" I gasp, and his eyes go blank again.

 

"Let me _see_ her," he snarls.

 

I know how he really feels now, and even though he's hiding it again, I can't forget.  "Get.  _Off.  Me._ "

 

He looks at me for a long time, then slowly lets me up.  I pick up Xion and hold her close, and she wraps her tiny arms around my neck and nearly chokes me, she's hugging me so hard.  Finally Van reaches out and brushes aside a lock of her hair, I didn't even know he could be that gentle.

 

"Little girl," he says softly, "look at me."

 

"...Xion," I say.  "It's okay now, we're not going to fight."

 

Her arms tighten.  Her fingers have gotten tangled in my hair and it hurts, but I'm not mad at her.

 

"Please look at me," Van whispers.

 

 _'Tell him you hate him,'_ I think, but Xion peeks out at him a little.  They look at each other for a long time.

 

Then Van smiles and his face is so soft, and the wordless love in his eyes almost makes me sick.  He is a _monster_ , how can he love Xion like that when I hate him so, so, so much?  He only just met her!  Why is she so precious to him?  I want to kill him.  I'll never let him get his hands on her.

 

Xion sits up in my arms and points her finger.  "Be nice to Sax," she orders.

 

"Awww...baby girl, that is _really_ hard to do," he whines, almost playfully.  I want to hit him.

 

"You scary," she grumbles, and lays her head back on my chest.

 

Van is so quiet, I finally look over at him, but I can't see his eyes before he turns away and leaves.  Just leaves, without a word.  I don't understand.

 

That night when we get home, I lie in the dark and wait until the house is quiet, until I know Mother and Father have gone to bed.  Then I get up again to fetch Xion.

 

Just like I knew they would, Mother and Father _left_ her here in her crib where anyone can find her.  I'm the only one who knows, so I'm the only one who can protect her.  I hate this, I hate that I have to work harder because I have to take care of someone else instead of just myself, but if I don't take care of Xion then no one else will, so I have to.

 

She's asleep.  It's hard to get her out of the crib in the dark, but finally I manage to do it without dropping her.  She wakes up a little and makes unhappy noises until I whisper, "Sssh, Xion.  Please be very quiet, it's very important."

 

"Sax," she murmurs, and then she doesn't say anything else.  She's already asleep again before I get to my room and go into the closet.  I shut the door by leaning against it and then sit down in the dark, trying not to hold her too tight because I don't want her to wake up.  If she wakes up she'll talk, and we have to be quiet...really quiet...and I can't fall asleep, because I have to be awake to put Xion back in her crib before Mother and Father wake up, and it's going to be a long, long time of me sitting her holding her and already she's so heavy....

 

...I kind of like it though, just a little bit, that this year I'm not alone.  I'm more worried, because there's two of us to worry about instead of just one.  But I don't have to sit in the dark all alone this time, and she's heavy and I'm worried but I'm also a little relieved, too.

 

**Saïx, age 12**

 

Maybe it will be different this year.

 

It's been too cold to eat outside, so I was eating lunch in the cafeteria, reading my book.  I forgot to keep reading when I heard what the girls were saying at the table behind me.

 

"Give it _up_ , there's no such thing as Santa Claus!"

 

_What?_

 

"SSSHHHH!"

 

"There's no fat guy who comes--"

 

" _SSSHHHH_!"

 

"It's your mom and dad who leave the presents--"

 

"I'm gonna be six years old forever, okay, so shut up!"

 

I couldn't concentrate on my book.  I couldn't eat.  I just sat there until the bell rang, and even then, it wasn't until I saw other students passing by me on their way to class that I realized I needed to get up and leave so I wouldn't be late.

 

I couldn't concentrate in class, either.  I couldn't stop thinking about it all day, wondering if it was true, wondering if it was true.  All those movies, all those books, the way the adults talk about him, he _has_ to be real, doesn't he?  Father wouldn't lie to me about something like this....

 

When we were supposed to be working on our Revolution Era presentations, I couldn't help it.  I looked up the army uniforms and civilian fashions like I was supposed to, but then I also opened up another search and typed, _"Is Santa Claus real?"_

 

The first few links frightened me, but...then...I found one.  I couldn't tear my eyes away.  I read the entire entry, and then I read it again.  Could it...be true...?

 

But no, you're not supposed to trust only one source, you have to look for others, so I did, but I didn't understand.  So many of the links said it was true, but there were plenty of others that....  _"'Is Santa Real?' Breaking the Truth to Your Children: What You Need to Know."  "A Cross-Culture History of the Santa Claus Figure."  "Santa Claus: Behind the Myth."_

 

They couldn't both be true.  Some of these people were lying.  _So many_ of these people were lying.

 

...I had to know which ones were, and which ones were telling the truth.  I had to know.  And I couldn't let myself hope, couldn't let myself be relieved until I knew for sure....

 

I wrote a letter to Aunt Rinoa during my next class, when I was supposed to be doing math problems.  I wouldn't get an answer in time, but there was nothing else I could do - there's no other way to reach her, and there was no one else I could ask.  In the meantime, I supposed I'd still have to hide again, at least one more year.

 

I was still thinking about it when I got home.  Xion ran to me immediately and demanded that I play with her, but this was _important_.  I pushed her away and went to the computer so I could do some more research.  Hopefully I'd be able to resolve this soon so I could start on my homework.  I didn't have time to try to get rid of her as she brought her silly toys into the room and started playing on the floor next to me, all I could do was ignore her made-up ramblings as best as I could.

 

I think I was talking to myself.  "These children, they don't sound like they've seen anything firsthand."  So many people, especially young ones who wouldn't know any better, insisting on believing in something they had no proof for.  "What about these videos, then?"  There was a different one, of a man putting on a wig and a suit.  There were links in the video's description--

 

Sacred _moon_ , an _entire Web site_ dedicated to--?!  An online shop for?!  Sacred moon...anyone, _anyone_ could buy these clothes, these _costumes_ online and have them delivered, and then dress up in them to frighten children.  Anyone....

 

 _Was_ there even a real Santa Claus, or were _all_ of them false?

 

"Xion, there is no Santa Claus," I said experimentally, testing the words.

 

She looked up at me.  "Santa?"

 

"He doesn't exist."

 

She held up a purple unicorn.  "Play ponies?"

 

I sighed.  "Not now, Xion, I'm busy...."

 

She tried to climb up into my lap.  "I'm hungry."

 

"Xion, I'm _busy_."

 

"I'm _hungry_!"

 

"...When was the last time you ate?"

 

"I dunno."

 

"Xion," I said in annoyance, "did you eat lunch?"

 

"I dunno."

 

" _Xion_."

 

She clutched my shirt and buried her face in my shoulder, leaning on me so heavily that it was difficult to reach the keyboard to type.  I sighed and stood up, carrying her.  "Will you leave me alone if I feed you?"

 

"I'm hungry."

 

I sighed and took her into the kitchen to make something for her to eat, then worked on my homework at the dining room table and tried to ignore her and her silly mermaid movie.  That got pretty difficult when she began to sing along to the songs, but when I tried to move to my room, she _followed me_ (of course).  "Xion, please!"

 

"Play ponies."

 

"...No.  You need to do your homework first," I tried.

 

She looked at me curiously.  "Huh?"

 

I found a coloring book and opened it to an unused page.  "Color this picture very, very neatly, using as many crayons as you can, and I will give you a 100%."

 

"Okay!"  She grabbed a crayon and started scribbling.  I didn't _care_ , just as long as she left me alone long enough to get my assignments done.

 

Even a week later, I still didn't have Aunt Rinoa's reply.  I'd expected that, but it was still difficult....

 

On Christmas Eve, I tried to tell myself over and over again that Santa Claus wasn't real.  There was nothing to be afraid of.  There was no need to hide any longer.  I could spend tonight in bed, fast asleep like a normal person....

 

Except it took me the longest time to fall asleep.  I kept tossing and turning, forcing myself to stay in bed, forcing myself not to imagine anything, trying to explain away all the noises I heard after Father had gone to bed.  Just the creaking of the house, the wind in the trees....

 

Then I realized with a start that I had been dozing, and it was after midnight, and it was hard to breathe and my skin was crawling so badly that it was almost painful, and it was so dark I couldn't _see_ if he was coming, and I'd left the poker behind this time because I'd thought I wouldn't need it but I did need it, I needed something to fight with, he'd come and I wouldn't be able to stop him but he's _not real_ I couldn't--  Where's--  No, wait, I can't yet, Xion's--  She's--

 

It was so hard to be quiet as I crept down the hall, so hard to keep the panic inside, but I _had_ to; had to get her before--  He's not in the house, he's _not in the house_ , that was the refrigerator, the ice cubes falling, there's no one, Father's asleep and _oh_ she's so heavy, why is she so much heavier when she's asleep than when she's awake

 

"Saïx?"

 

"Sssh, Xion, we have to be very quiet."

 

"Quiet?"

 

" _Ssshhh!_ "

 

"Okay...."

 

Safe.  Though I was still breathing hard, I couldn't get my body to stop shaking even though we were closed in now, no light to give us away.

 

"What are we playing?"

 

"We're...playing...Hide-and-Go-Seek.  We're hiding.  We have to be very quiet and still so he doesn't find us."

 

She giggled.  "Okay."

 

Eventually, thankfully, she fell back asleep.  Then I could finally let the tears slip out, though I tried to wipe them away quickly.  But they just kept coming, faster now, and I took deep breaths so I could stay quiet.  Maybe I needed more time to get used to it...I just needed one more year...or two...would I have to do this forever?

 

**Axel, age 13**

 

Mom's a lazy bum and isn't even awake when they come.

 

I already woke up early, before even my alarm clock went off because I couldn't sleep, knowing we'd finally get to see Dad and everyone.  I woke up Roxas and made us both breakfast and got us dressed and packed and everything, then we sat and watched cartoons until a car pulled up in the driveway.  I looked out the window, and it was Uncle Terra driving....  But it's okay.  Even if Dad didn't come, we'll see him soon.  We'll see him soon....

 

Aunt Ella is getting out of the car and coming up to the house, and I open the door before she gets here.  "Hi, Aunt Ella."

 

"Axel, darling!"  She comes and hugs me, and Roxas comes toddling over and she hugs him, too.  "Are you all right?"

 

"Yeah, we're fine.  Let's go."

 

"Daddy?" Roxas asks.

 

"He's in the car--"

 

Roxas gallops out before she can even finish, and I catch my breath as I see Dad coming out from the backseat, scooping up Roxas and hugging him so tight I bet Roxas can't breathe.  My throat feels tight even though I'm smiling.  "He came...."

 

Aunt Ella looks uncomfortable.  "We...he didn't...er, we thought it was best if I...."  She clears her throat.  "Where's your mother?"

 

"She's asleep."  I grab our bags and start to walk out, but then stop when I realize that Aunt Ella's not following me.  "What are you waiting for?"

 

"Don't you think you ought to say good-bye to her...?"

 

"Geez, we'll see her tomorrow."

 

She looks unhappy, then finally says, "I'll at least leave a note for her."

 

"Whatever.  I'm going to the car."  I walk over slowly, and say hi when Uncle Terra rolls down the window, but I'm watching Dad.  He's still holding Roxas, and the two of them are babbling at each other with their faces all lit up as if they forgot about everyone else in the world, even me.  I'm waiting, and telling myself to just give up and go sit down and buckle up, but then Dad finally raises his head.  I take a step back.  If you didn't want me before, why would you want me now--

 

But his face lights up again and he swings Roxas down and kisses him and then comes up to me and wraps me in his arms before I can push him away.  "Axel...."

 

"Get _off_ me."

 

"Hey...."

 

"Let's just _go_ , all right?"  I throw my stuff in the trunk, not even sure why I'm so mad, since I've been wanting to see him so much.  When I whirl back around to get in the car, I can't because he's standing in my way, where the door is.  I _hate_ the look on his face.

 

"Axel...I'm really sorry."

 

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," I snap.  "You're not the freaking cheater.  Move."

 

He raises a hand, then drops it again.  "Axel, I--"

 

"Let's just go!" I scream at him.  "I hate it here and I don't wanna stay here a second longer!"  Roxas is staring up at me, wide-eyed and clinging to Dad's coat, and I can't stand the way he's looking at me, either, so I stomp around to the other side of the car and get in the back and stare out the window.

 

Aunt Ella comes to close the door, but first she reaches in and surprises me when she strokes my face.  "Axel," she says softly, "we all love you very much."

 

"I don't care!"  I'm not mad at her, either, so _why_ am I acting like I am?

 

"Is there a problem we need to talk about, Axel?" Uncle Terra says, and I know from his voice that I'll be in trouble if I keep this up, because he won't let anyone be mean to Aunt Ella.

 

"No," I mumble, "I'm fine."  I lean my head against the window and cover my head with my arm so that I won't have to talk to anyone.  "I'm tired."  Aunt Ella kisses my head and then shuts the door.  Dad gets Roxas settled in the car seat and then sits next to him, a little too big for the seat in the middle of the minivan.  I move my knee so that we're not touching anymore.

 

On the way there, I listen to them all talking, and I want to join in because it sounds fun and I missed them all so much, but I don't want to say anything, either.  I'm sooooo MAD, and I hate _something_ , but I don't even know why I'm mad or what I hate.  I hate Mom, I guess.  I hate Mom for _ruining everything_.  Like she _always_ does.  I feel like I'm losing things, like I can't hold on to anything, and it's all her fault....

 

Uncle Terra and Aunt Ella's house is loud and crowded, because everyone's spending Christmas Eve here.  It's supposed to be fun, but after I snap at Aeris and get in a fight with Jaq and Gippal for teasing Gus, the aunts and uncles are starting to get mad at me.  Even Roxas doesn't care about me anymore, with all these other people to play with.  I finally go up to Zidane's room and start playing one of his video games.  If everyone hates me, then I'm just gonna spend Christmas alone.

 

After a while, I hear someone's footsteps in the hall.  I tense up and wait, expecting them to go into the bathroom or something, but whoever it is comes into the bedroom.  If it's Demyx, I'm gonna start throwing punches; if it's Aunt Aqua or one of my uncles coming to chew me out again, I'm just gonna walk out of here and go _home_.  I don't wanna spend Christmas with Mom, but if I'm gonna be miserable anyway, might as well be miserable where there won't be a whole houseful of people getting on my case.

 

It's Dad.  He picks up the other controller and sits down next to me without asking.

 

"Get lost."

 

He doesn't say anything.  He doesn't move, either.  I finally go back to the menu screen and wait.  "Pick a player, dummy," I finally say.  He still doesn't move, and I shrink down a little.  "I didn't mean it...just...just pick someone to play as, okay...?"

 

Nothing, for a minute.  Then, sloooowly, click, click, click, he moves along a picks a player.  But just as I start a new mission, he sighs and puts the controller back down and covers his eyes with one hand.  I get mad at him again and pause the game, and push away my own controller and fold my arms and wait.

 

For a while I can't hear anything except our breathing, and the humming and whirring from the PlayStation.  Then Dad finally says, "Axel...I'm _sorry_.  What more do you want from me?"

 

"I don't want anything!" I shout.  " _She's_ the one who cheated!  She's the one who should go drive off a cliff!  I hate her!"

 

He _still_ doesn't say anything.  I want to hit him just to make him sit up and _look_ at me, try to punch him into having a spine, then I realize he's crying, and I hate him and myself more than ever.  "Why is this so hard...?" he whispers.

 

I can't stand it.  My hands hurt from clenching them into fists, and I finally crawl over and shove him so he's sitting up straighter and hiss at him, " _Pick a player_.  We're going to _blow up aliens_ , we're gonna blow their brains and guts out, STOP CRYING."

 

He picks up the controller again.

 

I turn up the volume loud, and yell and whoop as we're shooting, and he's a sucky partner at first but finally he starts keeping up with me, and actually taking down the guys he shoots at, and finally bam bam bam we're _mowing_ down the enemy lines and now he's gasping and yelling along with me every time we lose a life or find a chest or get ambushed, and then we finally break into the master control room and BAM, we've won.

 

"Whooooo!"

 

"We did it," he laughs.

 

" _Yeah_!" I hold out my fist, and after a minute he laughs again and pounds it.

 

"We make a good team, huh?"

 

"Yeah, when you're not being a wuss."

 

He puts the controller down again and sighs.

 

I fiddle around on the menu, not sure if I should start a new mission.  "I don't wanna talk about anything dumb."

 

"...All right."  Then he reaches over and puts a hand on my shoulder, and I look at him.  "But it's not dumb to tell you that I still love you and Roxas as much as ever."

 

"I _know_ ," I grumble.  Then I hit the pause button so the music's not blaring anymore, and I stand up and cross my arms and glare at the floor so that I can say, "...Dad...I'm sorry for being a pain...I just...don't know what to do."

 

He stands up and hugs me, and I sigh and let him.  "I don't know what to do, either, Ax," he says softly.  "I just don't know."

 

"You and Mom are gonna get divorced, aren't you."

 

"I don't know," he whispers.

 

"...Can I come live with you?"

 

"...I would...like that...but I don't kn--"

 

"Never mind!"  I push him away and try to keep my arms down at my sides.  "We don't know, okay?  We're both freaking stupid and I wish Mom would go die and I'm _hungry_ , when are we having lunch?"

 

"Soon, I think...would you like to go down and see how we can help?"

 

"No."

 

He holds out a hand.  "Let's go down anyway."

 

His shoulders aren't as hunched as before.  I finally go past him to the door, and push his hand away because I'm not gonna hold it, I'm not a freaking baby.  "Fine."  He catches up to me and puts his arm around my shoulders as we walk down the hall, and that's not as bad as holding my hand so I don't push him away this time.

 

**Axel, age 14**

 

This year's been hell.

 

Dad was bad enough...just by itself, that was bad enough.  But because Mom is a piece of scum who should have died instead of him, she lost her job and nearly killed us for two months until Aunt Aqua finally rescued us.

 

Two months of watching Mom drink herself half to death, or being _gone_ for days on end with no warning; of keeping Roxas away from home as much as possible; of locking us both in my room with my 'weapons' close by every time we _did_ have to be home, because who knows what scumbags Mom might be bringing in at any time of the day or night; two months of watching the house turn into a garbage dump; of saving half my lunches from school so I'd have something to feed Roxas; of stealing money from my aunts and uncles for stuff Mom wasn't buying anymore, until they caught me and started just giving money to me so I wouldn't have to steal it; of spending nights in my mom's disgusting room the times when she was home and alone and not as drunk as usual, because she'd steal Roxas from me and I didn't trust her with him and it scared him when we fought, so I had to just let her take him and keep an eye on them; of being on pins and needles and barely sleeping; of my grades tanking so bad that, even with Aunt Aqua hounding me in May afterwards, I still failed my last year of junior high....

 

I lied about why I needed the money at first, because...I dunno.  A lot of things.  The shame of being caught, the way I _couldn't_ look them in the faces because they'd never been anything but nice to me, and this was how I'd repaid them.  Knowing I _could_ take care of Roxas, that if it wasn't for frickin' _school_ , if it wasn't for needing those breakfasts and lunches, I could find some kind of job and take care of us on my own.  The sick, disorienting feeling I got whenever I thought about how they weren't really related to me, how they had every right to love Roxas, but my dad - my _stepdad_ \- was gone now and there wasn't anymore reason they should care about me, especially since my own real mom didn't, that I was alone except for my brother, who was so little and needed me so much.  The fear in the back of my mind that they might take Roxas away from me, and I wouldn't be able to stop them.

 

But of course they guessed.  And they came to the house and saw.  And when they took Roxas away, they took me, too, and Aqua said I should have _told_ them sooner and Terra said there was no shame in needing help, and Zack told me that I was just as much their family as Roxas was, and Ella just held me and cried.  And we stayed with them for a few amazing months, in Aunt Aqua's clean house with her clean beds and _so much_ good food....  My aunts taught me how to cook for real and how to take care of Roxas better, and Aqua made me do chores and got on my case so that I passed summer school and wouldn't have to repeat eighth grade, and my cousins practically became like my brothers, especially Demyx and Zidane who were my age.  I thought maybe that life didn't completely suck after all, that maybe me and Roxas could survive all this, and that maybe one day, I wouldn't be miserable anymore.

 

Then frickin' Mom cleaned up her act _just enough_ to get Roxas back, and where Roxas had to go, I was going, too.

 

So here we were again.  Messy, dark, depressing house; the vermin and most of the garbage might be gone now, but I still gave up trying to keep a few areas clean, it was so hopeless.  Mom stumbling back and forth to work, not enough of her paychecks going toward bills, remembering sometimes that she had kids to take care of, too.  Giving us ramen or fast food for dinner instead of, like, actual food.  One day when I came to get Roxas from Aunt Ella's house and Aunt Aqua was visiting, I dug Aqua's wallet out of her purse and took out all the cash that was in it, while they were both watching me, and they started giving me money again.  They came back to the house, too, but it wasn't enough to get us back out of there, and they lectured Mom but she whined at them and finally acted like she gave in, then got drunk after they left.  She wasn't bringing guys home anymore, but I still kept Roxas locked in with me on the nights I could keep him away from Mom.

 

Misery....  A step up from before, though.  Mom's not as much of a zombie, sometimes we actually _talk_.  Not about anything important, but...words are exchanged.  She's awake more.  She's not drinking as much.  She's not sleeping around as much.  We have plans for Christmas.  I don't care.  I don't care how hard she's trying or how different things are (neither of them are enough), this is not home anymore, and I hate it here, and I wish she wasn't our mom.

 

"Make sure you're home early from school tomorrow night, okay?"

 

I don't bother mentioning that we've been on winter break for days now.  I've been getting up every morning as usual so that I can take Roxas to one of our aunts' houses for a real breakfast, then just hang out with him all day either with our cousins, or at whatever places are warm and won't kick us out.  "Okay."

 

"You don't have any club activities or meetings or practices, do you?"

 

That's a laugh.  I dropped all my extracurricular stuff after we had to come back and Aunt Aqua wasn't bugging me about my future college applications and job applications anymore.  But I've been lying about them, because then Mom doesn't wonder why I don't bring Roxas straight home after school every day.  "I kinda told the, uh, class president that I'd help out with--"

 

"Cancel it!  It's Christmas Eve!  No one should make you stay late on Christmas Eve!"

 

No one has school on Christmas Eve, either.  Idiot.

 

"Why are they making you come to school on Christmas Eve, anyway?  That's stupid.  They gave us two weeks off for Christmas when I was in school."

 

"Yeah, well, times've changed."

 

"It's ridiculous."

 

"Uh huh."

 

"Hey.  You _do_ have Christmas off, right?"

 

I don't want to tell her, but I've already been pushing the limits of believability.  "...Yeah."

 

"Good!  We'll go ice skating.  It'll be fun."

 

"Whatever."

 

Christmas Eve dawns.  Aunt Ella makes waffles for breakfast.  Zidane sleeps through it.  Uncle Terra and I talk about football for a while.  I take Roxas out to the park for as long as I can stand, then look for someplace warm.  Around four or four-thirty, I sigh and take my brother's hand and start trudging home.

 

Mom's still out when we get there.  I have a package of hot cocoa mix from one of Uncle Terra's co-workers that had gotten passed on to me, so I make it.  Roxas and I drink it while we watch a Christmas movie on TV.  We play Ninja Turtles.  Mom's a lot later than she said she'd be; can't say I'm surprised.  We make a fort.  Mom's still not back.  I read him a library book about Frosty the Snowman and he falls asleep on me.  While I'm wondering if I should move him to my room and lock the door, I doze off before I can decide.

 

We wake up in the middle of the night when Mom comes bursting in, singing some Christmas song I don't recognize because she can barely pronounce the words.  Some strange guy is half-carrying her because she can barely stand up, and I'm so furious and scared I could kill them both.  "Nice place," the guy slurs while looking around, then starts gagging like he's about to throw up.

 

"Who's that?" Roxas whispers, clutching the back of my shirt.  I pick him up and watch until Mom and her latest not-worth-being-called-a-boyfriend start heading down the hall.  Then I dive for our shoes and coats and sweep Roxas out into the night, still so mad and terrified that I feel light-headed.

 

Mom's car is gone...she must have left it wherever she picked up that guy.  The only car in the driveway must be his, but I'm not about to go back and hunt for the key.  I just take off into the cold, carrying Roxas, silently cursing Mom and having no idea what I'm gonna do.

 

"What's happening?" Roxas whimpers.

 

"It's okay, Rox.  I'll take care of you."

 

"Where's Mommy?"

 

"It's okay, Rox."

 

"I want Mommy!"

 

"Sssh, Roxas."

 

"Mommy!  Mommy!"

 

I don't have anything to say, so I just keep walking.  Roxas starts yelling and hitting me, then he cries, then finally he puts his arms around my neck and huddles silently in my arms.  "I'm sorry, Rox," I whisper.

 

 _"Axel...I'm_ sorry _.  What more do you want from me?"_

 

I bite my tongue to keep from screaming and break into a run, then slow back to a walk because it's so frickin' cold and Roxas is getting heavy.  I know what Dad felt like now...when it's not your fault it's not your fault but this small person you adore who depends on you so much is looking at you with betrayed eyes and you know you've failed anyway even though it _wasn't your fault_....  I want to tell him so bad.  I want him _back_ so I can apologize, so that I can tell him what a worthless, stupid kid I was and how he was the best dad I could have ever had, and I wish I could start all over again and treat him right, but _he's gone_....

 

"Stop crying," Roxas sobs.

 

I want to, because it's making me colder than ever, but I can't stop.  "I miss him...so much...."

 

I don't have a phone, because Mom can barely afford electricity half the time, and any money that might have gone toward cell phones is going toward TV instead.  Yeah, can't live without TV, but now I'm stuck out here in the cold on Christmas Eve night with no car and my little brother freezing in my arms.  "I need a phone...."

 

There's a pay phone by the gas station.  Suddenly desperate, I search through my pockets and am relieved to find enough coins to place a call.

 

_"Hello, you've reached the Fair residence.  I'm sorry we can't come to the phone right now--"_

 

I slam the receiver back on the hook, my heart pounding.  "Wait...what did I just--?  IDIOT!"  I hadn't even left a message.  It hadn't occurred to me that no one might answer, but it was late, and - was I out of change?

 

Frantically, I search through my pockets again, and Roxas's, but...there's not enough.  I don't....

 

I stand there shaking for a minute.

 

"Axel, I'm tired," Roxas says.

 

I take his hand and go into the store, where the guy on night duty looks up at me suspiciously.  I swallow.  "Hi...I was wondering if...I could borrow a quarter...."

 

"No solicitors, get out," he says brusquely.

 

It's almost a relief to get angry.  "Dude, it's a _quarter_!  I just need to make a phone call!"

 

"If you're not a customer, get out.  Get _out_."

 

"Look!"  I scoop up Roxas and hold him out, even though he's wriggling uncomfortably.  "My brother is freezing out there!  He's _three_!  Let me make a frickin' phone call so I can get my uncle to--!"

 

"I'm callin' the police," he warns, picking up a phone behind the desk.

 

"Oi--  Oi, let me just use _that_ phone, then, I won't--"

 

"Get out!"

 

I leave, shaking with anger, holding tight to Roxas and wondering if I should just let us get arrested or whatever.  Being in jail would at least be warmer than this...but what would happen to Roxas...?

 

"Gaaaahh!"  A quarter.  A freaking _quarter_ , that's all I needed.  Or, like, five minutes on that guy's phone; if I didn't have a little kid with me, I'd go in there and mug him or something and _give_ him a freaking excuse to call the cops on me....

 

Roxas is tugging at my hand, bending down to mess with something on the ground.  "Come on, Rox.  We have to get out of here."

 

"Shiny."

 

"What?"

 

"Ew."

 

He has a quarter. A freaking quarter, stained almost black on one side, that someone had dropped on the ground--

 

I grab it out of his hand and smack a kiss against his head.  "Rox, you're the awesomest brother ever.  C'mon, we have to get out of here."  I carry him away from the blinding lights of the gas station, hiding in the darkness off the side of the road when a cop car passes by, walk and walk until we get to a strip mall and it's so cold I feel dead on my feet but _I need a freaking pay phone_.  "Just hang in there, Rox...."

 

"Ragh!" he shouts at me, tired and fussy.

 

I don't let the phone ring more than three times.  No answer again, so I hang up, wait for my coins to drop back down, then stick them back in the slot and dial Uncle Terra's number.

 

_Ring.  Ring.  Ring._

 

Hang up.  Retrieve coins.  Insert.  Dial....

 

_"Yo."_

 

"Uncle Reno....  Don't hang up, _please_."

 

_"Who's--?  What the, Axel?"_

 

"I need your help."  Then I can't say anything else, because my throat's closed up.

 

 _"Geez,_ now _?"_

 

"P...Please," I manage.

 

"I wanna go _home_!" Roxas screams.

 

_"You have the kid with you?"_

 

"Reno...I seriously...I'm _so cold_...."

 

_"Ugh...okay, give me a sec, I think I've got your coordinates now.  I'm sending Elena for you, okay?  She's gonna cry and moan about having to baby-sit, and she might decide not to show up after all, but your timing kinda sucks, kid."_

 

"If she doesn't show up, we'll die."

 

After I hang up, I sit down by the phone and unzip my coat so I can wrap the edges around Roxas, and sing to him until he dozes off against my chest and it feels like the tears have frozen in my eyes.

 

We don't die.  It's my turn to doze off once I've warmed up enough, and I think I sleep the whole way there.  Then Elena's shoving me out of the car and driving off, and I carry Roxas up the front walk and ring the doorbell.

 

I'm leaning against the wall, wondering if we're gonna spend the night on the porch, by the time Uncle Terra in his bathrobe finally opens the door.  He stares down at me, and I look up at him.  Then without a word, he scoops Roxas up in one arm and wraps the other around my shoulders, practically lifting me over the threshold.

 

"Terra?"  Aunt Ella's peering into the front hall, her eyes widening when she sees us.  "Axel!  What on earth...?"

 

"Sorry for intruding," I say dully.  The Christmas lights on the tree look so beautiful, shining in the dark.  I suddenly feel dirty and grimy, standing here in this clean, tidy house.  "I just...didn't know where else to...."

 

"Oh, sweetheart...."  She's already bustling up and helping me out of my coat, brushing my hair out of my face, trying to look into my eyes even though all the lights are out.  "Are you hungry?"

 

"I just want to sleep," I whisper.  "I can sleep in the living room--"

 

"Come along, dear.  Let me just get something for you to change into, and you can get settled in the twins' old room."

 

"I'm sorry...."

 

She kisses me and squeezes my shoulders in a hug.  "You are always welcome here, dear.  Always."

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  This is one of the REALLY old _Stepsiblings_ ideas I had, basically to go through all of AkuSaiRokuShi's Christmases.  I was working on it at the same time as Xion's "Memories" installment, and it was SUPPOSED to be posted before "Hoof Prints."  (Which was posted on 1 July 2012, over nine months ago. DX)  I have no idea why this took so very much longer to post than "Memories" and "Hoof Prints." ;;

 

Ah, here's a note I found:  " **Keep in mind that this was supposed to have been posted ASAP after "Siblings All The Way."**   So, like, "Ferris Wheel" and stuff was trying to undo the damage of this one, but instead it looks like I was trying to redeem Kay a little only to backslide again.... -.-  And I'm mad that some of the Lea stuff didn't make it into public before later stories totally trashed her. *siiiigh*"  Except she ended up getting trashed in the latter half of this one, anyway. XD *headdesk*

 

The Shakespeare quote was from "Sonnet I."

 

I ended up only getting through the Christmases before the wedding, and decided that the later Christmases were interesting enough to post individually.  Also, this installment is a lot longer than I thought it would be, so I don't even have room to include the later Christmases, anyway. *sweatdrop* It's actually longer than my 10,000 word limit for one-shots, but it's 2:30 a.m. and I'm tired and don't care. orz

 

Man, I'd intended to spend today working on Urgent Thing which I've been procrastinating on so much in real life, and which is the main reason why I went on semi-hiatus.  But instead of working, I spent the whole morning talking to my friends, and the whole afternoon just wasting time. ;;  So I finally decided I wanted to accomplish _something_ today, and I ended up staying up 'til 3:00 in the morning finishing and posting this old Stepsibs story. orz


	10. Bound by Fire: Axel and Roxas {Axel}

**_Bound by Fire_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Part 2 of 6 - Axel and Roxas (rough draft)**

Summary:  Teenage Axel takes his four-year-old little brother to hang out at the mall.

 

A/N:  _Stepsiblings_ universe, Axel's POV.  It's before they meet Sai  & Xi.

 

o.o.o

"Why can't we go to Pizza Planet?"

 

"I told you, Rox-my-socks, I'm broke.  Don't you like just hanging out with me?"

 

"Yeah.  I guess," he says disinterestedly.  Ugh, kid, you're breaking my heart here....

 

My little brother and I walk into the mall, where I obviously can't buy anything, but it's too cold to go to the park (for me, at least; Roxas probably wouldn't care much).  I can't think of anywhere else to take him that won't cost money.

 

"Whew, looks like it's not too crowded...."  I glance down to smile at Roxas, who isn't really paying attention to me, when I notice a credit card or something lying on the floor.  "Hm."  I pick it up, and it turns out to be a gift certificate to a children's clothing store.  The _To:_ and _From:_ boxes are blank.

 

"What's that?" Roxas asks.

 

"Um...Roxas, if you ever find something on the ground that looks like it belongs to someone else, turn it in to the adults who work there, okay?" I say, guiltily slipping the card into my pocket.

 

"Okay.  Hey, Axel, can we go play where all the kids are?"

 

"Heh, that's what we're here for, isn't it?"  There's a semi-enclosed play area down at one end of the mall, where kids can run around and stuff while their parents are resting or waiting.  Roxas and I have a blast chasing each other and crawling through the tunnels (well, _he_ crawls through them, they're too small for my dignity) and throwing those colored plastic balls at each other.

 

Eventually, I get in trouble because I'm too old to be playing with all the little kids, the equipment wasn't designed for older people.  And I think some of the moms just don't like having this crazy teenage guy running around where their kids are, anyway.  It stinks, but I go sit on one of the benches with the rest of the stuffy grown-ups because I don't want to get in trouble and be kicked out.

 

So much more boring, sitting here not being allowed to play, but at least Roxas seems to be having fun.  I sit there watching because there's nothing else to do, except call or text someone I guess, but there's no one I wanna call.  Man, maybe we should've gone to the park after all....

 

"Yo, Axel!"

 

"Zidane," I call back, getting up to bro-hug him and say hi to his girlfriend Sarah.

 

"What's up, man?"

 

"Just hanging out."

 

"In the kids' play area?" Sarah giggles.

 

"Yeah, Roxas wanted to try it for a while.  You remember my little brother, right, Sarah?"

 

"Cutest little boy _ever_ ," she gushes, to my satisfaction.

 

"Yup.  Hey, Roxas!  Get over here and say hi!"

 

I manage to round up Roxas, who tolerates being squeed over for a minute before running off again.

 

"So what've you been up to?" Zidane asks, and we stand there talking for awhile.  I've been working through driver's ed, he's getting ready for some play, she's having trouble with her mom but trying to gloss it over, and they're at the mall to shop for new pants for Zidane, because "He always gets the cheap kind and they rip _far_ too easily."

 

"They're not cheap, they're _comfortable_."

 

"Well, you're too active for that to work as an excuse, so I highly suggest that you start putting durability over comfort."

 

It's about then I realize that I can't see my brother anywhere.  "Oh, man, where's Roxas?"

 

Zidane's looking out, past the boundaries of the play area.  "Um...I don't think he's supposed to be in there...."

 

Sarah gasps.  "Oh, no!"

 

I look around frantically until I finally see what they're seeing.  "GAH!"

 

Roxas is wading through the fountain, stooping to pick up little gold orbs.

 

"Roxaaaaaas!"  I run over and stare at him, and he looks up at me and holds up both hands full of wet metal and says, "Look, Axel, I found money."

 

I can't help it.  I _mean_ to push the money out of his hands, drag him out, and give him a lecture, but instead I collapse against the side of the fountain and burst into laughter.  "Flaming _pants_ , Rox-my-socks....  Ohhhhh man, oh man, you're just... _bwa_ hahahahahaha!"

 

Roxas is staring at me, looking a little indignant now.  " _What_?" he huffs.

 

"Ohhhh, Roxas.  Oh, buddy."  I try to get hold of myself and kneel up to look at him.  "Rox....  Roxas Aubade, you need to put that money down and get out of the freaking fountain _now_."

 

He narrows his eyes and clutches his treasures to his chest.  "No.  It's mine.  I found it."

 

I reach out for him, but he quickly splashes back out of my reach, his eyes gleaming with mischief.

 

"Mr. Roxas," I say as I stand up, "you'd better come here _right now_ or you're going to be in trouble."

 

"Make me."

 

We do the dance for a while where I lunge around the fountain in various directions trying to catch hold of him, and he dodges me every single time because he's in the middle.  Now he's giggling openly - until I finally start wading in myself.  Then he shrieks and takes off across the water, dodging me again until a pair of strong hands that aren't mine suddenly seize him.  Roxas gasps and drops all the money as he stares up into the face of a very big and ticked-looking mall cop.  "This is not a pool, little boy," the guy booms.

 

"I didn't mean it," Roxas whimpers.  He jerks free and splashes hugely over to hide behind me.  I feel ridiculous, standing in a fountain in the middle of a mall with the cop and a whole lot of interested bystanders staring at me.  "C'mon, Roxas, say cheese," I decide, picking up my brother and posing with him for one of the girls who's pointing her camera phone at us.

 

Roxas and I get firmly escorted out, at which point I'm left in freezing weather with an agitated little boy who's soaked to the skin from splashing around so much, and nothing in my wallet but a gift card to a children's clothing store.

 

Hmmmm.  "Come on, Roxas."

 

"I'm all wet."

 

"Yeah, we gotta do something about that, don't we."

Unsurprisingly, we get some weird looks in the store, but no one says anything about it.  I steer Roxas into the section with clothes that look closest to his size and let him pick what he wants.  "This shirt's cool."  He pulls it over his head and grins at me.  The words _PYRO AND PROUD OF IT_ are now emblazoned across his chest.

My mouth suddenly feels dry.  "Roxas...I think...you should pick a different shirt."

 

"No.  I like the red one."

 

The scar under my eye seems to tingle almost painfully.  "...Well, I don't like it."

 

He frowns at me in this hurt sort of way that makes my heart seem to twist.  "But...it's cool."  He sounds more uncertain now.

"I think this blue shirt here is cooler," I try, grabbing the first one that comes to hand.

Roxas looks down at the shirt he's still wearing.  "This one is like you.  I want it."

 

Well, how am I supposed to argue with _that_?  "...Fine, but you know what, Roxas, when we get home, I'm gonna teach you how to make fires and be safe, okay?"

 

Kid doesn't even blink.  "Okay, Axel."  He puts his hand in mine.  "I like that you're my brother."

 

Ugggghhh, he is going to kill me, I love him so freaking much.  "I like that you're my brother, too, Rox."

 

"Can we get ice cream after this?"

 

"Umm...I'm kind of still broke."

 

"Can we go to the park?"

 

I grin.  "Now, that, I can do.

 

o.o.o

Author's Notes:  "Sarah" is the birth name of Dagger from _Final Fantasy IX_.  I only played FF9 once and totally missed that, I had to look it up in the FF wiki. XD

 

The sequel to this story is _Stepsiblings: Winner_.  Also, there's a mistake in "Winner;" I think Roxas is supposed to be four, not five.


	11. Winner {Axel}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Winner (rough draft)**

 

_For Axel/Roxas Day, 13 August 2012_

 

Summary:  For Roxas, it's worth it.

 

A/N:  Axel's POV.  Sequel to an unpublished story. *sweatdrop*  Takes place before they meet Saïx & Xion.

 

o.o.o

 

So, so, so, so, _so, so, so, so friggin' cold_ , I'm sitting on this park bench practically curled into a fetal position, but Roxas is running around with no coat like it's summer.

 

"Axel!"  He runs over and pounces on me.  "You're boring!  Come play!"

 

"S-s-sorry, Rox-x," I chatter, "I c-can't...you g-go on-n...."

 

He frowns at me.  "Axel?"  I can tell he's cold, too, because of the color of his face and hands, but it just _doesn't bother him_.

 

"Sor-ry...."  I try to smile, but I _can't_.  Because I can't feel my lips.

 

He stands there staring at me for a long time, and I squeeze my eyes shut.

 

"It's because I played in the fountain and got our coats wet, isn't it."

 

"...Go...p-play, Roxas...."

 

Then suddenly I suck in a ( _painful_ ) breath and crack my eyes open again, because I heard a sniffle.  Sure enough, tears are glimmering in his eyes.

 

"Ro-oxas-s, d-don't...."

 

"It's all my fault."

 

Well, yeah, but I don't _care_.  Every single thing I've done today has been for his sake, why in the world does it suddenly matter that he's thinking of me now?  "N...No...."

 

"Axel, let's go home."  He grabs my arm and tries to yank me off the bench.

 

"R-Rox...as...."  Just trying to stand up is hard.  I can't even walk upright, I am _so - friggin' - cold_.

 

I can barely even tell where we're going, but eventually my poor five-year-old brother manages to shove me into one of the stores across the street from the park.  I have no idea which one it is for a while, until I've stopped being cold and am now in _pain_ , sitting here on the floor with my face and my fingers and toes tingling so fiercely that it feels like they're on fire.

 

Then I look up and realize that we're in a cafe.  Roxas is trotting purposefully toward me, carrying a drink that's sending wisps of steam into the air.  A couple of people in kitchen uniforms are hurrying after him and yelling.

 

"Flaming p--  Did you just do what I think you did?!"

 

Roxas reaches me and holds out his loot, which smells enticingly of hot chocolate.  "Drink it quick, before the cooks catch us," he orders.

 

I'm too much of a wreck to burst into laughter the way I did back at the mall, but I do keel over on the floor and just...am helpless for a while.  This kid _cracks me up_.  Someday he's also going to kill me.  It hurts to laugh.

 

Roxas puts the hot chocolate on the floor by my face and starts to crouch down beside me, but then the kitchen staff catch up to him.  One grabs him by the arm and yanks him around to face her so she can yell at him.  "What do you think you're _doing_?!"

 

"My brother's sick.  He needs chocolate."

 

"Wait," I gasp, trying to stop dying of hilarity and straighten up.  "Wait, he didn't mean it, you can take the chocolate back and we'll leave--"

 

"What's wrong with you?" the other one asks suspiciously, staring at me.

 

"I'm...not so good with cold weather...."

 

"Our coats got all wet so we can't wear them because it's cold," Roxas explains.  "Axel bought me a new shirt, see?"

 

They stare at his shirt blankly.

 

I struggle to my feet and reach out for him.  "Hey, I apologize a lot, I'm really sorry about everything.  We'll leave now."

 

"He just _waltzed into the kitchen_ and grabbed that mug right off the counter!" the lady storms at me.

 

"Um...he's impulsive...."

 

"I'll pay for it," Roxas offers.

 

Uh, with what, kiddo?  "I can wash dishes or something if you want...."

 

"Regina, just let it go," the guy says to his co-worker.  "The kid didn't even drink it."

 

"He can't just BARGE INTO THE KITCHEN and _steal stuff_!"

 

Roxas looks at me, his face pale.  "I messed up again...."

 

"Look," I said.  "I would _pay_ for the freaking chocolate, if I had any money.  If you want this gift card, I'd be glad to hand it over."  I don't mention that it only has (almost) enough value left to buy a pair of socks.  "If you want me to wash dishes or something, awesome, I bet your kitchen's warm.  Or I can come back later with some money and pay you for real.  But my brother is only _five_ , and you're holding him pretty tightly, and I kind of need you to let go of him before I...lose my patience."  To put it mildly.

 

The guy sighs a little.  "Regina, _here_."  He pulls out his wallet.  "What is it, four ninety-nine?  Just let the kid go, you're making yourself look bad."

 

She glares and shoves Roxas at me.  "I don't want to see either of you even _near_ this place again, you hear me?"

 

I scoop him up, trying to breathe deeply.  "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven," Roxas whispers helpfully in my ear.

 

"Thanks, chica," I tell Ms. Uptight.  Then I wink and give her a fake phone number and march out the door before she can explode on me.

 

"I'm not very good at being a brother," Roxas sighs once we're out in the cold again.

 

I squeeze my arms tighter around him.  "You're an _awesome_ brother.  If someone told me I could trade you for any other little brother in the world, I'd tell 'im to go jump in a lake."

 

"I wouldn't trade you, either."

 

I grin, trying not to shiver.  It's so, so, so, _so cold_.... "Glad we got that cleared up."

 

As soon as we get home, I change into the warmest clothes I can find and bury myself in piles of blankets on my bed.  My feet feel like blocks of ice, and my ears feel like they're about to fall off.  So _cold_...I mean, now it's warm, but it _hurts_ after being so cold....

 

After a while, Roxas comes in and digs through the blankets until he finds my face.  "Hi, Axel."

 

"Hey, Rox."

 

"I brought you some ice cream to make you feel better."

 

I can't decide whether to groan or laugh or cry.  "Ummmm...hey, Rox...can you maybe eat my ice cream for me?  Please?  As a huge favor?"

 

"Oh...okay."  He climbs up to sit on the bed beside me and starts eating.  "Do you feel better now, Axel?" he finally asks.

 

"Yeah, I'm warming up."

 

"Hey, Axel?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Can I give you something?"

 

"Sure, I guess."

 

He slips an ice cream stick into the blankets, nearly poking me in the eye.  "You can have that one."

 

It's got the word WINNER printed on it.

 

"Because you always let me have them, and it's not fair.  And because you're a winner, too."

 

I have a really hard time trying not to cry.  This kid...so worth it.  Everything is just...totally and completely worth it.  "Hey...thanks, Rox.  You're a winner, too."

 

"Yeah, I know," he says nonchalantly, starting on the second ice cream.

 

I laugh, which thankfully makes me stop wanting to cry.  "Man, do you ever get cold at _all_?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"Wish I had your tolerance for it...."

 

"Don't be confusing."

 

"It means that I get a lot colder a lot faster than you do."

 

"So when it's summer, am I gonna be rolling around on the ground dying?"

 

"Uh, hopefully not."

 

"Boo.  Then you can't give me chocolate."

 

"Roxas, you don't have to collapse from heatstroke for me to give you chocolate."

 

"So can I have some chocolate?"

 

"You're already eating ice cream!"

 

"So you're not gonna give me chocolate...."

 

"Are you mad at me now?" I tease.

 

"No."

 

"Good."

 

"Yeah."

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  I _swear_ I wasn't going to do an Axel/Roxas Day fic, and I didn't even have any ideas for it.  But when I was typing up stuff from one of my notebooks this evening, I found a note for a scene in an unpublished story that I'd forgotten to include.  However, that scene already ended perfectly and didn't need the note, but that note was kind of cute and I didn't want to lose it, and then suddenly I thought, "Today is Axel/Roxas Day.  This is my Axel/Roxas Day drabble."  Except, because the characters I write WILL NOT SHUT UP, it ended up being a bit longer than a drabble and I had some trouble figuring out where to end it, but whatever.  Hopefully this story both makes enough sense out of context and doesn't spoil things in the original fic whenever I actually do manage to get it posted....


	12. Lights in Shadow: Fifty Moments (part 1) {Third person Roxas & Xion}

Introduction:  I decided to do Wishing-Fire's 50 theme challenge for Roxas/Xion (platonic) and Terra/Cinderella (romance) in the _Stepsiblings_ universe.  I'm _completely_ disregarding the word count limit, ftr. *sweatdrop*  Probably won't ace the "each chapter must show a progress of a relationship" rule, either...and sometimes I failed at even making the drabbles about RokuShi, since stupid Axel  & Saïx kept invading...IT'S JUST ONE BIG FAIL, OKAY?

 

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl; 50 theme challenge by Wishing-Fire**

**Lights in Shadow - Fifty Moments (part 1) [rough draft]**

 

_For Roxas/Xion Day, 20 June 2013_

 

Summary:  Fifty moments for Xion & Roxas.

 

A/N:  **All of the drabbles in the series are chronological except for theme 20.  ...And I just realized that theme 1 (New Beginnings) takes places after themes 2 & 3, which happen during that amusement park visit where Axel, Saïx, Xion, & Roxas first meet each other.  Whoops....**

I'd wanted to do ten drabbles per 'chapter,' not five, but I wanted to post the first batch in time for RokuShi Day, so I had to hurry. *sweatdrop*

 

**1\. New Beginnings**

 

"Daddy?"

 

"Yes, Xion?" he said as he tucked her in that night.

 

"I'm excited to get a new mommy, but...I was wondering."

 

After a long pause, he finally asked in a patient tone, "What were you wondering, Xion."

 

"...Are _you_ excited to get a new mommy?"

 

"What?"

 

"I mean, a wife.  Not a mommy."

 

"Go to sleep."  He leaned to kiss her, then stood up to leave.

 

"Wait, Daddy!"

 

"What is it?"  The patience was starting to sink into neutrality.

 

"...Come here again?"

 

He knelt so as to be closer to her, eyes giving a very slight warning.

 

She reached for them, touching his face softly.  "When we talk about her, your eyes don't look happy."

 

His Shield hardened, completely cutting her off from his emotions.  "I am pleased at the prospect of having a new wife to help carry on our family's name."

 

"What's that mean?"

 

"If all goes well, you shall have new siblings, Xion."

 

"Yeah!  Axel and Roxas, right?  Please please please Daddy can we go play with them again soon?"

 

He smiled slightly, relieved that she had misunderstood and he was no longer forced to explain.  "As you wish, Xion."

 

"Yay!"

 

o.o.o

 

"He's not _scary_ scary, is he?" Lea said in a playful, wheedling tone, tickling Roxas a little.

 

He giggled and pushed her hands away.  "His eyes are weird."

 

"They're _pretty_.  Have you ever seen pretty yellow eyes like that?"

 

"No."

 

"Exactly!  It makes him stand out.  He's very handsome."

 

"Axel doesn't like him."

 

"Axel doesn't like much," Lea pouted.

 

"Yes he does.  He likes ice cream.  And he likes me."

 

" _Everyone_ likes you," Lea cooed, cuddling and kissing him.  "Everyone _loves_ you."

 

"Stop," he giggled.

 

The playfulness died down, and she lay beside him stroking his hair with a thoughtful, slightly sad look on her face.  "Listen, Roxas," she finally said.  She sounded serious, so he listened.  "It's been...kind of hard, since your daddy left."

 

"Axel gets mad a lot.  And sometimes he cries."

 

"What?"

 

"That was a long time ago, though.  Now he just laughs a lot and makes other people mad.  And he'll play with me if I ask him."

 

"Axel doesn't cry."

 

"Not anymore."

 

"...Roxas, you'll be okay having a new family.  You really will."

 

"I don't want a new family...."

 

She kissed him again, lips lingering on his forehead as she tried to hold back her own tears.  "Roxas...it's been really, really hard for me and Axel to take care of you all on our own.  There's too much _stuff_ to pay for, there's never enough money....  Don't you want to be rich, sweetie?  Don't you want a mom and dad who'll be able to buy you whatever you want?"

 

"I want a Buzz Lightyear."

 

"Well...you can have one if you let Mommy marry Xem, okay?"

 

"Okay."  He said it easily, but then he frowned.

 

She kissed him again in relief, and held him close.  "It'll be good, Roxas.  We'll be able to start over again, have a much better life from now on...."

 

**2\. Shy**

 

Axel and Roxas stayed close together.  Xion didn't think anything of it at first, because Saïx was keeping her away from them, too.  But then they were waiting and waiting and waiting by the lockers for everyone to finish changing clothes, and Xion went to talk to Roxas but he kept moving away every time she got close.  So she giggled and pretended she was a lion stalking her prey.

 

"Go away!" Roxas finally yelled, kicking his sandal at her.

 

She was surprised.  She thought he'd known it was a game.  "I can't go very far, Daddy will be mad...."

 

"I just wanna be here with Axel and Mom, not you guys," Roxas grumbled, crouching down behind the trash can.

 

Xion came and crouched, too, far away so he wouldn't be scared.  _'He's shy,'_ she thought.  "What's your favorite color?"

 

"Huh?"

 

"Mine is purple and black."

 

"Oh.  Mine is red and yellow.  And orange."

 

She smiled.  "Those are the crayons I use to color fire.  Saïx taught me."

 

"I can make a fire."

 

"Really?"

 

"Yeah.  Axel taught me.  I'm good at it."

 

"You can't make a fire here, though."

 

They both looked around.

 

"We'd get in trouble," Roxas agreed.

 

"We can ride the rides, though."

 

"Yeah."

 

"Can I ride the rides with you, Roxas?"

 

"...Don't hug me."

 

"Why not?"

 

"You're a girl."

 

"So?"

 

"I don't like girls."

 

"Well...well, I don't like boys."

 

"Fine."  He turned his back and sulked.

 

"...Roxas...I lied.  I like boys."

 

He eyed her over his shoulder.

 

"I like girls, too.  I like you," she added.

 

He looked surprised.  "Oh."

 

"Let's be friends, okay?"

 

"I don't want to...."

 

"Why not?  Is there something wrong with me?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"...What's wrong with me?"

 

He shrugged.  "I dunno."

 

"But...I can't fix it if I don't know...."

 

"Oh."  He thought for a while.  Then he went to where Axel and Saïx were arguing, and pulled on Axel's shirt.  "Hey, Axel."

 

Axel rounded on him and smiled widely, eyes still narrowed from the fight.  "What's up, dude?"

 

"Is it okay if I'm friends with Xion?"

 

"Of course!"

 

"Really?"

 

"You and Xion'll get along great!"

 

"Huh."  Roxas turned back to Xion and shrugged.  "We can be friends."

 

"But I thought there was something wrong with me!"

 

"I guess not.  Sorry."

 

"Oh.  Okay."  Xion went to hold his hand.  Roxas looked at their hands, looked at Axel, looked back at their hands, and decided it was okay.

 

**3\. Breaking the Ice**

 

It wasn't ladylike to slurp, but Axel and Roxas did it like they didn't even care it wasn't allowed.  They even had a contest to see who could slurp loudest.  Xion watched in awe.  Roxas won.

 

"HAH!  Beat you!"

 

"My lungs hurt," Axel laughed.  He tipped back his head to let a few ice cubes roll into his mouth, crunching on them with his teeth like they were candy.

 

"Maybe you can slurp because you're not ladies," Xion decided.

 

"Huh?"

 

**3.2 Kind**

 

"Hey, Roxas?" Xion whispered.  They were snuggled together in the fort they'd made in the living room.  They were supposed to be asleep, but they weren't tired.

 

"What?"

 

"When Daddy marries your mom, she's gonna be my stepmother, right?"

 

"I dunno."

 

"A stepmother is when your mother dies and your father marries someone else."

 

"Okay."  Roxas ate another marshmallow.

 

"She's not gonna be a wicked stepmother, is she?"

 

"A wicked stepmother?"

 

"Like in Cinderella and Snow White and stuff."

 

"What're those?"

 

"Cinderella!  The fairy tales."

 

"Hmph."  Roxas put his head down on his arms and sulked.

 

"...Roxas, don't you know what fairy tales are?"

 

"I bet they're stupid."

 

"No, they're not!  I'll show you."  Xion ran to get her book, except she tip-toed when she was passing the bedrooms, and then she ran back.  "Here.  I'll read to you."  She couldn't actually read the stories yet because the words were hard, but she knew them by heart, and showed Roxas the pictures.

 

"Stepmothers are really bad, aren't they," he said when she finished.

 

"Maybe your mom will be the good kind and not the bad kind," Xion said anxiously.

 

"Yeah, I guess."

 

"I hope so...."

 

**4\. Movie**

 

Even though Axel let them pick the movie and Saïx didn't care because he planned to read a book during the whole thing, they still couldn't decide.  Xion and Roxas ran from one movie poster to another, arguing until they got genuinely upset and Xion started crying.

 

"Stop it, Xion," Saïx snapped, picking her up.  "They're not worth it."

 

"I wanna watch _Equestria Girls_...."

 

"Make her choose the monster alien movie," Roxas demanded of Axel, with angry tears standing in his eyes.

 

 _'I shouldn't think he's cute when he's mad, right...?'_   "Well, see, Rox, if we did that, we wouldn't really be gentlemen, would we."

 

"I'm not gentlemen!" Roxas yelled.

 

 _'I don't think you even know what a gentleman_ is _...'specially since you've never had any good examples to watch....'_   "How about we let Xion watch her movie first, and then we watch your movie, okay?"

 

"I am NOT sitting through a film that has anything to do with ponies," Saïx stormed.

 

"What are you gonna do, watch _Monsters vs Aliens_ with Roxas, then?" Axel challenged.

 

So they split up.  The children's spirits seemed revived once they had been separated for an hour and a half, and they held hands on the way home.

 

o.o.o

 

Complete:  5/100


	13. Ferris Wheel {Part 1, third person Saix & Kay; part 2, Saix}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Ferris Wheel** **(rough draft)**

 

Summary:  "You ride the Ferris wheel at night.  The very last one. You sit there when they stop the wheel and look at the stars and the moon, and you tell Mommy you love her.  Then you come down again and go home."

 

A/N:  Part 1 is third person POV and takes place when Saïx is seven, shortly before the incident that scarred his face.  Part 2 is from Saïx's POV and takes place about three months before he and Xion meet the boys.

 

**Part 1**

 

He's lining up figures on the windowsill, a wolf and a tiger and a lion and an eagle, then the door crashes open and he whirls around and it's Mother, but she's laughing.  "Darling!" she cries, and her eyes are dancing like she's the same age as him.  "Let's go somewhere and have fun!"  She grabs him and her sweet smell wraps around him as she hugs him, making him feel better.

 

"We're going to have fun?" he asks cautiously.  She kisses his face, between his eyes, and pulls on his hand until he goes with her downstairs.

 

"Kay!" Father shouts, marching out of his study.  "Don't run away when I'm talking to you."

 

"Leave me alone!" Mother screams back, and Saïx is afraid again and closes his eyes.  "You can't lock me up!  I'm _leaving_!"

 

"Kay--"

 

"You can't keep me away from my own son!"

 

"Come back--"

 

They're outside, and Mother puts him in the car.

 

"Mother, where are we going?"  He tries to unfasten the seatbelt again, but she pulls his hand away and kisses his palm and then bites it.  "Somewhere fun," she says, laughing, but she's angry and scared below the laughter, so he only says "Okay."

 

She turns the radio on loud and sings all the way there, and when she feels safe and is happy for real, he stops being scared and he sings, too.

 

The parking lot is huge, so big, he watches out the window as she drives and drives and stops the car and gets out.  This time he doesn't even try to take the seatbelt off and waits for her to do it for him.  She pulls him out of the car and hugs him and takes his hand.

 

"Let's go have so much fun, sweetie."

 

"Okay."

 

He doesn't like the noise, and all the people and the heat and the messy food, but he loves to be with Mother when she's like this.  When she's not scared and wants to play with him.  He rides the rides because he can watch her smile and scream with laughter, he eats the food because she likes to clean his hands afterward.  _'I wish you were like this all the time.'_

 

They play the games, and he's bad at them and she gets mad and starts yelling at the man taking their money.  Saïx wants her to stay happy.  "Mother," he says, pulling at her sleeve.  "Mother, can I give you a kiss?"

 

She leans down and hugs him, and he presses his lips to her cheek.  Then she laughs.  She stands up and pulls him over into her arms and says, "This is my son, Saïx.  Saïx wants a prize."

 

He doesn't, but he's afraid to say anything.

 

"And _I_ think he earned one, wouldn't you agree?  Saïx, look at this man here, please."

 

He knows what she means.  He stares at the man, thinking as hard as he can, _"I don't like you, I don't like you, I don't like you."_

 

The man backs away, looking really scared.  "Y...Yeah...you want a prize, just--"  He pulls down one of the ugly stuffed animals and shoves it at them.  "Now go away.  _Go away_ , I better not see you two near here ever again."

 

Mother blows him a kiss and walks away with Saïx and the ugly toy.  Then she laughs and laughs, and hugs him and tells him maybe sometimes he's useful after all.

 

It's getting dark.  "One last ride, darling."

 

"Okay."

 

"The Ferris wheel.  We always ride the Ferris wheel last.  It's tradition."

 

"Okay."

 

The box is blue and yellow.  They climb in and Mother holds him in her lap and puts the ugly toy on the seat next to them, and he kicks it to the floor when she's not looking.

 

"Isn't this nice?" she says as they float around and around in the sky.

 

He's happy, lying back against her with her warm arms around him, when she loves him and her sweet smell covers him like a blanket.  "This is my favorite ride," he says.

 

"Mm."  She kisses him again and strokes his hair.  "I've been thinking, darling," she says.  Her voice is soft.  "I don't think we can ever get away from him here in this world."

 

"You mean the other Saïx?" he asks sadly.  More kisses.  "Is there another world?" he asks, a little scared.  "Somewhere that's not Home?"

 

She laughs a little.  "I hope so.  I think so."

 

"Is the moon another world?" he suddenly realizes, seeing it hanging there in the dark sky.

 

"Hmmm...you know, I quite like that idea, darling."

 

He smiles.  "We can go there, then."

 

"But how would we get there?" she asks, and there's a smile in her voice.

 

It's so far, and so high.  "Maybe we could fly there," he says doubtfully.

 

"Do you have any wings for us?"

 

"No," he whispers, wanting to cry.

 

She tilts his face up and gazes into his eyes for a long time.  "It must be so hard for you," she finally murmurs.  "At least I can escape him sometimes.  You never can."

 

He doesn't know what to say.  The only reason he hates the other Saïx is because Mother does.

 

"Baby, I promise I'll free you.  Just be patient a little while longer, all right?"

 

"Yes, Mother."

 

She still holds him, but he's cold now, and the sweet smell is gone.

 

**Part 2**

 

There is no possible way I would ever become a teacher, but if I did, I would certainly be competent enough to make sure I had all my students accounted for before driving off.

 

The taxi dropped me off at the amusement park as the sun was beginning to set, and I trekked across the vast front courtyard up to the entrance.  Spotting someone in an employee's uniform, I told her my business.  Her expression immediately broke into a relieved smile, though her nervousness in response to my eyes was still hinted at in her pale face and slightly jerky movements.  "Oh, you're here for that poor little sweetheart we've got in the office!  Follow me, I'll take you right to her."

 

As soon as I set foot in the room, Xion, who had been happily jabbering at a couple of other employees, flung the blanket off her shoulders, dashed across the room, wrapped her arms around me, and burst into tears.  "I got left behiiiiind!"

 

"Father will make sure that those responsible are fired," I assured her.

 

She suddenly stopped sobbing and stared up at me with huge wet eyes.  "He'll get rid of my teacher?"

 

"Yes."

 

Her mouth dropped open in horror.  "No!  Saïx, don't let him!  I love my teacher!"

 

I stared at her.  "She left you behind."

 

"It was an accident!  She didn't mean it!  She was even gonna come back and get me and buy me ice cream to make it up to me, but I told her not to because you said you were coming for me."

 

I closed my eyes in exasperation.  "Xion, if your teacher would have come back for you, then that means I've come all this way and wasted so much time for no reason."

 

"But you're here to pick me up now," she said happily, completely missing the point.

 

"You know," one of the employees spoke up, "you're welcome to stay and enjoy the park free of charge before we close in a couple of hours, and our manager has some vouchers for your next visit--"

 

"No, thank you," I cut in, "my sister and I need to be on our way home."

 

"But Saïx, I wanted to show you the horsies!  And they wouldn't let me ride the Tower of Screams, so you have to make them let me!"

 

"I 'have' to do no such thing."  It was, however, fairly close to closing time, and my sister was going to be _insufferable_ if I didn't at least compromise.  "You have thirty minutes to waste time here.  After that, we're leaving, no arguments."

 

"Yay!  I love you!"

 

"I'd prefer that you not publicly announce that."

 

Xion's 'horsies' turned out to be the petting zoo, which was closed for the night.  I pointed out that the carousel had horses of a sort, and waited while she rode them, refusing to submit to the indignity of joining her.  The Tower Of Screams turned out to be a ride with a well-deserved height requirement which Xion was far from reaching, so to stop her sulking, I bought her an ice cream bar.

 

Then I caught sight of the Ferris wheel.  I hadn't...ridden one of those since that time with Mother.  "Xion," I murmured, "let's try that one before we leave."

 

"It looks boring," she complained.

 

"...It's tradition.  The Ferris wheel is always the last one you ride before going home."

 

"Oh.  Okay."

 

The two of us stepped into a blue and purple car together.

 

"There's no seat belt," she said.

 

"It doesn't move fast enough to need one. Stop clambering around like that, you're shaking the whole car."

 

"I'm gonna sit in your lap, then," she decided, doing so without permission.

 

"Xion...."

 

"Look!  You can see the whole _park_ from here!"

 

Then she was finally, finally quiet.  The wheel ground to a stop, and we rested there for a while, swaying gently in the breeze.  "It's like sitting in the stars," Xion whispered.

 

"...Mother and I once sat here among the stars like this, a long time ago."

 

She scrambled around and put her arms around my neck, staring into my face.  "Mommy was here?" she asked breathlessly.

 

"Yes.  ....  We looked at the moon, and wondered what it would be like to...."  It sounded so silly now.  Not that Xion would care, or even notice.  "...to fly there."

 

Still with her arms around me, Xion looked out at the moon as well.  "Saïx?  Do you think that's where Mommy lives now?  That that's why she didn't stay with us, because she finally found out how to fly there?"

 

"No.  People can't live on the moon.  But it's a pretty thought.  I like it better than what really happened."

 

"What really happened?"

 

It had been more than three years, but the memory was still too strong.  I stared at Xion's face, at her clear eyes and warm flesh and glossy hair, and was once again overcome by the knowledge of how close this small creature in my arms had come to being laid in an early grave.  I held her closer so that she could no longer see my face, but it did no good when I was trembling as well.

 

"Saïx?  Are you okay?" she asked worriedly.

 

No.  "Yes.  I just...miss Mother, that's all."  Well, that was one way of putting it.

 

"I miss her, too."

 

"You can't miss her.  You didn't even know her.  You were just a baby when she died."

 

"It doesn't matter," Xion said stubbornly.  "She was my mommy and I miss her, just like I miss my first mommy."  She pulled back so she could look at me again.  "Saïx, will I ever have a mommy who'll stay with me?"

 

My fingers trailed uncertainly through her hair.  "I can't answer that, Xion.  That's up to Father.  And to her, if there ever is another one."

 

Her face fell.  "Okay."  She sighed.  "If I ever have a little girl, I'll never leave her alone."

 

"I'm sure you'll be a good mother."

 

She looked up at me again, and a little smile crossed her face.  "At least you and Daddy never leave me, though."

 

"Of course not.  I'd never be so irresponsible."  Xion might be annoying and burdensome, but having her as a sister was _my_ burden.  I would carry it faithfully.

 

"You're a good person, Saïx."

 

I wonder if Mother was.  I honestly don't know.

 

Xion was studying my eyes in that unsettling way of hers.  "Saïx, even if Mommy isn't on the moon, do you think she can still hear us?"

 

"I don't know.  Maybe."

 

"Let's tell her we love her, okay?"

 

"...All right."

 

She turned around again, settling back into my lap and drawing my arms around her even though I'd tried to let go.  "Mommy," she said, looking at the moon, "I love you, and I miss you.  I hope you're really happy.  Saïx and Daddy are with me, so I'm happy, too."

 

There was a long pause.  Xion finally tilted her head back to give me a questioning look.

 

"Mother," I finally whispered.  "I miss the affectionate woman you could sometimes be.  I know it wasn't your fault when you became something different.  I know...that somehow, you still loved me...and that you loved Xion, in your own way."  It was so much harder to say than I had expected.  "...I forgive you."  That was all, but it became apparent that Xion was still waiting.  "And I love you," I finally added.

 

"Amen," Xion said in satisfaction.

 

What?  "Xion, that wasn't a prayer."

 

"Oh.  Well, it sounded like one.  By the way, Saïx, I love you, too."

 

"You say that so often...."

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  **Stuff I forgot in previous chapters:**   I picked "Acerbi" as the golden-eyed characters' surname in this universe because, according to the site I looked at, it means "heartless" (or "harsh"), derived from Italian. I thought it was better suited to a group surname for characters who are mostly in the Org and/or related to Xehanort, as opposed to trying to pick one of the individual surnames I've been coming up with.  For example, "Tsukino" (sorry, Sai XD) has relevance to Saïx, but not to anyone else in his Stepsibsverse family.  **Also** , I forgot to credit the lullaby Saïx sang to Xion on Christmas Eve - it's my favorite one, and comes from the Disney movie _Mary Poppins_. :)

 

 **To Silence (but I'm sure other people will find this reply of interest, and I tried - _tried_ \- to keep spoilers out)** \- Thank you so much for the lovely review!  It really meant a lot to me.  (I'm replying here because I assume that everyone reading the other story is also reading this one, and this note will be more useful here.)

 

Xem is kind of a workaholic....  Regardless, the stuff in Parts 1 and 5 happened at home when Xem was at work, and I'm pretty sure that Part 3 was in a hospital, with no one else in the room at the time.

 

I'm not sure if you meant Saïx's or Axel's relationships with their fathers.  Xem really does love his family, he's just very bad at expressing it; Saïx disappoints him a lot, though.  And Xem is under some pressure from his own father, too, which...hopefully I'll be able to expand on later.  I've been toying with the idea of having Axel meet his biological father, but haven't worked out the details of that yet.  Axel's relationship with Ven will be clarified in later stories (they were pretty close).  Xem and Axel rub each other the wrong way, but they both try to put up with it for the rest of the family's sake.

 

I have a lot of admiration for Matthew West even though I haven't actually heard much of his music - "More" is one of my favorite songs ever.  I looked up "Broken Girl," and I see exactly what you mean.  Even though it was written for women who have suffered a certain kind of trauma, spiritual wounds are all the same, no matter how they originate, and the song does resonate a lot even if the specific circumstances are different.

 

I do hope to clarify the characterization for the kids' various parents, particularly **Lea (good _gosh_ I regret that woman's name now. DX I totally did not put enough thought into this universe at the beginning** , though granted, I never expected the series to grow past the initial six _Fire & Moonlight_-inspired drabbles).  Lea's character is now very clear to me, but I've only managed to reference disconnected bits and pieces of it in the stories that have been published so far.  I have at least one story each from Lea's, Xem's, and Ven's perspectives (not from Kay's, though).

 

In a nutshell, Xem is a very by-the-book kind of guy and a control freak; also similar to Saïx in that he's very dutiful and loyal to his responsibilities.  Lea has a whole lot of Issues and was one of those wild teenagers in high school.  She loved Ven to pieces, he's probably the only one of her partners she ever truly loved; his loss was devastating and she's subsequently latched onto their son Roxas as a sort of substitute.  She and Axel do not get along well.  She's very passionate, gushing over things she likes and flying into a temper pretty easily.  Also very selfish and deceptive, usually out of self-defense; she stresses over her public image and can't stand for people to look down on her, which is why she tries so hard to impress.  Kay really did love her children, especially Saïx (despite later rejecting him in favor of Xion), but of course there were great hindrances to her being able to properly express that love, one of those being that he also scared her to death.  The "two Saïxes" thing was her way of trying to cope with that.

 

**Although most of them aren't published yet, stories in the _Stepsiblings_ universe are going to be popping up in various other series such as _Fire & Moonlight_.  That bugs me, so just like I did with _Christmas at the Castle_ , I'll eventually get around to making a comprehensive list of all the stories that take place in the _Stepsiblings_ universe, regardless of where they're actually published.**

 

I'm glad you're enjoying this series. :)  There are still huge amounts of unposted and unwritten material in this universe; I kind of despair of ever being able to "finish" it all, but I'll keep trying for as long as I can.  I want to thank each and every person reading this for their support!


	14. Lunch Date {Xem}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Lunch Date (rough draft)**

 

_For ladysemphia007_

 

Summary:  Xem WILL have lunch with her, _or else_.

 

A/N:  Xem's POV.

 

o.o.o

 

I meant to simply finish reading the first section before pausing for lunch, but the troubling clause at the end caught my attention.  I knew I would not be able to stop thinking about it the entire lunch hour if I stopped now, so I started to skim through the rest of the document.  A few pages in, I realized that I was actually creating more work for myself later, so I went back to read it all properly.

 

 _"Mr. Acerbi?"_ my secretary called at one point, _"there's a Mrs. Fair here to see you."_

 

What?  "I had canceled that appointment."

 

_"...She says, er--"_

 

There was a scuffling sound, then I heard the voice of my fiancée's sister-in-law.  _"Xem Acerbi, I'm sick of being canceled out of your schedule; this is the THIRD TIME.  I am not leaving until you come out and have lunch with me."_

 

"I told you why such a thing became impossible for today.  My colleagues--"

 

_"I don't care.  You have until 1:15."_

 

What would happen at 1:15?  "Veronica, please have security escort Mrs. Fair out."  I resumed reading.

 

When I finished, I had just opened a new file and begun to type, when the door burst open and someone came striding into my office.  "Let's go, Xem."

 

 _What?_   "I thought I'd--"  Then I saw the security guards lying unconscious on the floor outside, and my secretary huddling behind her desk with a frightened expression.  Sacred moon.  Lea's sister-in-law was a monster.

 

"Don't bother to look for your keys, I'm driving."

 

"Mrs. Fair, this is an outrage--"

 

"It's _Aqua_.  You're going to be my brother-in-law, after all."

 

"Technically--"

 

"Are you going to get away from that computer, or do I have to unplug it?"

 

Insufferable woman.  I stood up and began to Speak.

 

I have never in my life met someone outside my own family who could withstand the Speech with such tranquility.  Yet this woman, this virtual stranger, merely blinked a bit in surprise, then frowned and met my gaze head-on, concentrating intently as if she had a Speech of her own to respond with.

 

"...Enough," she said at last.  "Looks like you hate it here just as much as your son hates school.  Forget all this for _one hour_ , and let me get to know you better, the man who's going to be in charge of my little brother's children."

 

...She had a fair point.  "Very well.  After I--"

 

"It'll all still be here when you get back; I'm hungry, let's _go_!"

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  Sorry about the string of Xem-narrated fics lately, guys - they're spaced out more if you read this series in proper order. ^^;  I promise that I have stories with other characters narrating, it's just that the ones I keep finishing first are either by Xem or AUs. *sweatdrop*

 

Lol, I started a "Readers' Wish List" because I like hearing people's requests even when I'm not able to actually write them.  One of Semphia's requests was Xemnas/Aqua, which is one of the few het KH pairings I actively dislike.  So that got me wondering if I ever _could_ write XemQua, and I still dunno if I can do romance for them, but a little Stepsibs plunny popped into my head since they are, after all, siblings-in-law there (sort of). XD


	15. Guestbook {Saix}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Guestbook**

 

Summary:  Pens like these are hard to write with.

 

o.o.o

 

It was over at last.  Father and Lea were off to start their honeymoon, leaving the rest of us behind to clean up everything and finally resume normal lives.

 

I turned my attention to packing up decorations, and eventually came across Xion by the front entrance.  She was sitting on the floor, ruining the guestbook.  " _Xion_!"

 

She looked up at me and winced.  "I'm not being bad."

 

"What are you _doing_?!"  I snatched the book out of her hands and stared at the ink smears in dismay.

 

"The pen is broken...."

 

"It's a _quill_.  And you are far too young to know how to handle one, so don't _touch_ it."

 

Tears started brimming in her eyes.  "I wanted to tell Daddy and Mom that I'm so happy they got married...."

 

I studied her a while.  Then I sighed and set the guestbook, quill, and inkwell back where they'd been displayed.  "Dictate to me.  I'll write it for you."

 

Her face lit up.  "I love you, Sai-Sai!"

 

"Xion--"

 

"I can't see."

 

I sighed again and fetched a chair for her to stand on.  She leaned on my shoulder and watched as I recorded her message.

 

_Dear Daddy and Mom, I'm so happy you got married and we have a good family.  You're so pretty and sparkled like stars.  I liked all the flowers and the white shiny things.  I'm going to get married just like you someday.  The cake was delicious._

 

"Xion, this is not as easy as writing with a ballpoint pen.  Finish quickly."

 

_I love you both very, very much.  Saïx is happy, too.  Hugs and kisses from Xion._

 

"Now you write something, Sai-Sai!"

 

In the end, all I could think to do, especially with Xion watching, was to draw a small crescent moon in the corner of a page.  I would not be dishonest, nor would I dishonor the celebration of this marriage, which did not leave me with very much sentiment to express.

 

"Now draw a puppy."

 

"No.  Help me pack up the gifts."

 

"But we have to open them first!"

 

" _No_."

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  Aaaaand here is the final Christmas 2012 gift-drabble, _three months late_. orz  Because first I couldn't write Larxene/Aladdin, then when I finally gave up and asked her for a different plunny, Stepsibs SaiShi WOULDN'T COOPERATE, I think since Aku &/orRoku kept getting jealous and wanting to share screen time....  Yeah, so Epic Fail on my part.  Definitely, definitely, _definitely_ will handle Christmas 2013 much differently, since apparently everyone's right when they say how hard it is to write Christmas giftfics for individual friends. XD


	16. Earning Chocolate {Van}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Earning Chocolate (rough draft) [Version 2]**

_For Vanitas/Xion Day, 14 June 2013_

 

Summary:  For Van, getting a Valentine from Xion is hard work. One-sided VanShi for Vanitas/Xion Day 2013.

 

A/N:  GAH, I love Xion/Vanitas, so WHY can I never write them in a way that doesn't squick me out?! DX  Ftr, his feelings for her are one-sided, and he does behave himself while she's still young, and they're related by adoption rather than blood, but I still didn't feel comfortable posting this outside the dark subseries. :/

 

Btw, Xion is seven at the beginning of the fic.

 

xXx

 

I didn't plan to go to my uncle's house on the 13th, it just kind of worked out that way because Gramps is making me drop something off for Xem.  I don't mind because it means I'll get to see my girl.  As soon as I walk inside, the smell of chocolate hits me and I WANT SOME because I somehow _know_ that Xion is the one making it.  Sure enough, she's in the kitchen.

 

...With that idiot Axel.  I can't _stand_ that guy - Xion thinks the sun shines out of his butt, so I hate him.  I've seen the way she looks at him.  Head over heels.  She's stupidly loyal to that lapdog Saïx and she's practically joined at the hip with little freakspawn Roxas, but Axel is the one she really adores.  She feels about Axel the way she should feel about _me_.  If I could figure out how to get rid of him without her finding out and hating me, I would.

 

"Just a little more, Xi," Axel's saying.  "See that goopy bit there, that's some egg that didn't get mixed in all the way."

 

"Oh, okay," she says, carefully hugging the mixing bowl in one arm as she runs the electric mixer through the brown concoction inside.

 

I'm standing right here.  Pay attention to me.  "Yo."

 

Xion glances up and smiles.  I wish she'd look more ecstatic.  She very carefully turns off the mixer and sets everything back on the counter, then runs to hug me.  "Hi, Vani!"

 

"Hi."  I kneel down to hug her tight.  "What are you making?"

 

"It's a surprise," she says, with this adorable crafty little smile that makes me melt a little.  "For tomorrow."

 

"He already knows what it is, Xi," Axel laughs, and I want to punch him for making her look dumb, even though she acts like she doesn't care.

 

"No, he doesn't!"

 

She's making Valentine's Day chocolate.  "I'll let you surprise me," I tell her, and she smiles.

 

"You have to be good, okay, Vani?  If you're not good, you won't get the surprise."

 

"I'll be good," I promise playfully, without even thinking.  Whatever she wants me to do, I will do.

 

Of course, replaying the words in my mind, I realize that I'd basically promised that I'll be nice to all three of her horrible brothers, but whatever.  If they can keep their stupidity to themselves, there won't be a problem.

 

"Yay!  Do you want to help, Vani?"

 

"Yes," I say, at the exact same time Axel's like, "Xion!  You're making him help with his own--?"  He chuckles.  "Never mind."

 

I glare hard at him, satisfied when he flinches a little.  "You got a problem with that, Flamesilocks?" I challenge.

 

"Whatever Xion wants to do, I'm cool with it."

 

It bugs me.  _I'm_ supposed to be the one giving her free rein so she'll be grateful.

 

"You can put the oil in the pan," Xion says, pushing the stuff toward me.

 

"Show me," I say, just for the excuse to have her talk to me some more.

 

I love being with Xion, it doesn't matter what we're doing.  I love watching her move, hearing her voice, _sensing_ that joy of hers like it's filling the whole room.  I don't know how anyone can be so happy all the time.  _I'm_ not, that's for sure.  I'm pretty much only happy when I'm with her.

 

"Vani," she asks, "do you like chocolate chips or nuts better?"

 

"Why do you ask?" I say playfully.

 

"Ummmm...."

 

"Chocolate chips," I answer, giving in quickly.

 

"Okay!"  She dumps a lot of them into the batter.  This thing is going to taste excellent.

 

After we put the cake pans into the oven, Axel makes us clean up and then Xion wants to play dress-up.  I always let her choose what she wants to dress me in - this time it's a black cape and hat like Zorro.  She dresses me in black a lot...says it goes with my hair.  And black is one of her favorite colors, which is one thing we have in common, at least.

 

"Me and Axel robbed the bank," she announces.  "We're making our getaway, whoooo!"  She grabs his hand and starts dragging him away.  "Get on the horse, Axel!  Giddyap!"

 

"Right," he laughs.

 

It's kind of weird, not being the bad guy for once....  I stalk them through the house, waiting for just the right moment when they, as bank robbers, decide they've gotten away with it and can let down their guard.  Then I pounce.  "A- _ha_!"

 

"Aahhh!" Xion shrieks gleefully.

 

"It is I, Zorro, and I will make you villains pay for your...bank robbing villainy!" I declare off the top of my head, squeezing Xion in my arms.

 

"No!  Save me, Axel!" she cries, struggling playfully.

 

"Nope.  It's off to jail with you, missy," I say, _'Or maybe back to my secret hideout where you can see me as my true self, not some masked vigilante....'_

 

"Hah!" Axel yells, whipping out a toy sword, "Unhand my accomplice, foul knave!  Or I'll run you through!  Wait, I'm a bad guy...I'll run you through anyway!  Just for the fun of it!  Mwahahahaha!"

 

Then we have to pretend to sword-fight, except I don't pretend as much as Xion probably expects me to, and Axel hits back just as hard.

 

"Stop!" Xion yells, and I suddenly realize she's been yelling it several times.  "Too much hitting!  You're dead now!"

 

"Which one of us?" Axel asks.

 

"Uh...I dunno."

 

I collapse.  "Alas, fair temptress," I gasp, clutching my stomach as if fatally wounded, "I shall never see another sunset, but I will not bemoan my fate if I could have but one kiss from your sweet lips."

 

"Van," Axel says in disapproval.  Screw him.

 

"If I kiss you, you won't die?" Xion says anxiously, falling to her hands and knees beside me.

 

I reach to slip my fingers into her hair and draw her head down near mine.  The thought of kissing her lips does cross my mind, but I kiss her cheek instead, then her shoulder when she shifts.

 

"OKAY," Axel says loudly, "looks like Zorro's dead.  Come on, Xion, let's escape before the real police come and arrest him."

 

"Zorro's dead...."  She looks back at me reluctantly as Axel pulls her away.

 

The longer I have to put up with Axel, the more I can't stand him.  The game changes, apparently we're ponies or mermaids or something, then we're pirates, and Axel and I get in a fight that we pretend is only make-believe, and I lose it and can't get control of myself before we're both bleeding and Xion's already screaming.

 

"I'm sorry...Xion, I'm sorry--" I try to say.

 

Does he think he owns her or something?  He just sweeps her up away from me and speaks to her like a professional charmer, and somehow, within a few minutes, she's laughing as her tears dry, and kissing the bandages he let her put on his cuts, and I can't stand it.

 

"Why do you have to make a big deal out of it?" I growl at him, trying not to yell, not really knowing what I'm saying but just wanting to shove _vitriol_ straight at him.  I can do it silently even though I can't do it out loud.

 

He winces away from my eyes but stands his ground with Xion behind him, as if I'd be weak enough to let the Speech even touch her.  " _You're_ the one who can't tell the difference between a game and reality.  And for the record, I _know_ how to fight back, I'm not some clueless softie who'll just let you beat on me."

 

"Vani," Xion says tightly, "you're not being nice."

 

I'm stupid and don't get what she meant until the next day, when she comes to give chocolate to Dad and Gramps and then just stands there and looks sadly at me.

 

I look back, refusing to ask, but...where's my Valentine?

 

"Maybe next year, Vani," she says sadly.  And walks away.

 

What... _what_?!  She--  No!  "Xion, wait."

 

She won't even look at me.

 

"Xion!"

 

"Is there a problem, Van?" Xem rumbles.  His Speech makes it clear that I will regret bothering Xion, or even making him _suspect_ I might be bothering her.

 

"...No.  I'm about to leave, so move your fat car, you're blocking me."

 

I don't care.  I don't care.  Who needs chocolate, anyway.  I don't even _like_ chocolate.  I only eat it because she gives it to me, and since she doesn't want to give it to me this time, that's fine, I don't CARE.

 

I go out and get drunk and sleep it off at some girl's apartment and wake up sober enough to go racing, which I do, and I'm exhausted and grungy and exhilarated when I finally come home at three in the morning with my pockets full of the cash I won.

 

There's something pink on my pillow.

 

A pack of bubble gum.

 

 _"Poppet left it for you,"_ Dad's note says.  Xion's little-girl handwriting at the bottom, _"I waited but you were gone a long time Vani so Daddy had to take me home.  I wanted you to have it because I'm sorry I couldn't give you the chocolate.  Be good next year okay?  I love you."_

 

...She was here.  She came back sometime while I was out, and she waited, but I was gone, and now she's the one who's gone.

 

I pick up her consolation gift as I sink to my knees.  I rest my forehead against the edge of the bed and stuff my mouth full of gum, and chew on it until I can't taste sugar anymore and it's like chewing rubber.

 

I've forgiven her by the time I'm awake the next day.  I go over to her house and we share the last two pieces of gum.  She laughs when I blow bubbles and urges me on, and they get bigger and bigger until my lungs ache and I get tired of them popping in my face, but she thinks it's funny and as long as I can hear her laugh, I don't get mad.  I don't need a Valentine.  She's enough, just herself, that's all I need.

 

**One year later:**

 

I WILL NOT lose this time.  First I try to just avoid the idiots altogether, then when Xion invites me over and I have to see their stupid faces anyway, I smile as hard as I can.

 

"Van, you're creeping me out," Axel says.

 

"You're a wonderful human being," I tell him, beaming, and he shivers and backs away from the _"I hate your guts"_ I'm simultaneously Speaking at him.

 

"Xion, why did you drag him all the way over here?" Saïx asked.

 

"You're my favorite cousin ever," _"Keep your mouth SHUT,"_ I say.

 

"Because it's Valentine's Day!" Xion answers brightly.  "Vani said he'd get chocolate today."

 

"That's right."  I ruffle her hair, and she giggles.

 

"I'm sorry, Vani.  Destiny ruined all the chocolate we made yesterday, so we have to make it again...."

 

"Don't worry about it."

 

"What should we play while we wait for the timer to go off?"

 

All of us have a different suggestion.

 

"Nothing.  I'm going to my room." (Saïx)

 

" _Night Howler_." (Axel)

 

"Soccer." (Roxas)

 

"Whatever you want." (Me)

 

"No, Sai-Sai, you can't go to your room until Valentine's is over!"

 

Xion picks soccer, so out we go, and I actually almost have fun, teamed with Xion and my idiot useless cousin, trying to get the ball past Axel and Roxas.  I don't hold back, but Axel doesn't act like he minds how rough the game's getting, and Roxas gets bruised a bit but doesn't say a word.  I expected him to be more of a baby about it....

 

We take a break and Roxas and I go in to get water at the same time, leaving the other three outside because they're arguing about something dumb.  "I'm all scratched up," Roxas complains, craning to look beneath his arm, where it's raw from when he fell.

 

"Suck it up.  You're not playing with your little baby friends this time."

 

"You have to be nice to me today."

 

Smug little punk.  I slam the ice tray down and grab the front of his shirt in both fists.  He sucks in a breath and his eyes get big, his little hands straining uselessly against mine, but he keeps quiet and doesn't yell for his brother like I thought he might.

 

"I just love you sooooo much," I coo at him through a tight smile.  _"How'd you like your face to be slammed into a wall, brat?"_

 

"You...have...to be...nice to me," he manages to gasp out.

 

"I just wanna hug you and squeeze you and cuddle you to death."  _"What're you gonna tell Xion?  'Waahh, Vani glared at me, boo hoo hoo!'  Is that it?"_

 

"I'm not a baby!" he yells at me.

 

"You're _so_ cute."  _"Then stop acting like one."_

 

" _You_ stop being a jerk.  That's why Xion'll never like you for real, 'cause you're a bully and you're a _jerk_ , and she knows it."

 

I've never wanted to crush someone so badly before.  Well...I have, but whatever.  I want to shift my grip and squeeze my fingers until he starts screaming.  Instead, I force myself to let go and straighten up and Speak scornfully, _"Geez, I was just kidding.  Can't take a joke...."_

 

It's so hard to lie in the Speech, I'm pretty sure he knows I'm B.S.ing.  He doesn't call me out on it, though.  Just pulls a chair over and climbs up on it so he can reach the counter, finishes pouring the water, gulps down his drink, then unexpectedly hands the other glass to me.  I take it, but I don't move until he wipes his mouth and trots back outside.  Then I slam the glass into the sink so hard it shatters.  One of the shards shoots up across my hand and leaves a thin line of blood.  I stare at it for a while and feel better.

 

The back door slides open.  "Vani!" Xion yells.  "Hurry up, we're gonna play again!"

 

"...Okay, Xi."

 

But she sees the blood on my hand and insists on pushing me back into the kitchen so she can tend to it.  I like being fussed over by her.  By _her_ , no one else.  It feels nice, I don't even mind that the stupid bandage is covering up the blood now, that vivid red which cleared my thoughts.  Her hands on mine, it's even better....

 

"What happened here?" Saïx exclaims in disapproval, delicately starting to pick broken shards out of the sink.  "Roxas, did you do this?"

 

"No!"

 

"I just dropped my glass," I mumble.  "I was gonna clean it up...."  I don't mind saying it, because Xion's still holding my hand.

 

"You _dropped_ it?" Axel says skeptically.

 

 _'Shut up,'_ I think, feeling tired.  _'Just shut up.'_

 

"Man, Van, it's really hard for you to be nice, isn't it," Roxas remarks.  I think that's the first thing he's said or done all day that's made me feel like not hating him quite so much.

 

 _"What part of 'shut up' do you not understand?"_ I Speak, so that only Roxas can see it.

 

I'm surprised when all he does is smile and say, "La la la la, I'm being loud."

 

The oven timer dings.  As they're all fussing over the chocolate, I go pick the rest of the broken glass out of the sink and try hard to pretend I don't care about the stuff making the smell that's causing my stomach to growl.  I forgot to eat breakfast again, didn't I....

 

As I'm turning away from the trash can, Xion bounces up to me, bearing a square of chocolate on a little plate.  "Here's yours, Vani!"

 

"Huh?"  As if I don't know.

 

"Your Valentine!  Happy Valentine's Day, Vani!"

 

"Yeah, whatever."  So this year I do get chocolate....

 

"Sit down!"

 

I sit, and she sets the plate in front of me.  I try to tell her that I don't want it, that I don't care, but I can't make myself say the words, and then she's saying, "Hurry and try it, tell me if it's good!" and I have to give up because of _course_ I care.  And of course her chocolate is delicious.

 

"It's really good, Xion."

 

"Really?!"

 

"Stop looking so surprised, you _know_ it's always good."

 

"I'm so happy you get to eat it this year."  She kisses my cheek.  "Thank you, Vani."

 

 _'Thank you, Xion,'_ I think. _"I love you,"_ I Speak.  The only thing I say out loud is, "No problem, Xi."

 

xXx

 

Author's Notes:  I love Xion/Vanitas so much, but I hate the way I write it. DX  I just can't get it to work right....

 

Yes, Chi and Destiny and Bomb still exist in this universe, I just forget them all the time unless they're useful. *sweatdrop*

 

If Van sounds a little bit like Xigbar at times, that's because Xig is his dad in this universe. ;)

 

This fic was really hard to write. :/  A lot of it, especially the beginning, felt like pulling teeth, and Van kept squicking me out; I ended up cutting the first 800 words out of the posted version.  I'd _wanted_ to get this posted on VanShi Day 2012, but I missed the deadline; then I missed Valentine's Day, too; and _finally_ was able to finish it just in time for VanShi Day 2013.


	17. Day 05 - Kissing {Third person Axel, Roxas, Xion, & Saix}

**A Kingdom Hearts fanwork:  30 Day OTP Challenge by Ericandy, written by Raberba girl**

**Stepsiblings: Day** **05 - Kissing (rough draft)**

 

Summary:  Little kids and PDA don't mix well....

 

A/N:  I can't decide if this is AU or not....

 

Rox is 5 and Xi is 6.  Or 6 and 7, I'm not sure.  Whatever.  I'll just let you read the story now. *sweatdrop*

 

o.o.o

 

Saïx was just putting his wallet away and Axel was turning from the counter with their ice creams gripped precariously in his hands when Roxas said solemnly, "Look, Axel.  They're having sex."

 

Luckily, the one Axel dropped was the sea-salt bar wrapped in plastic packaging, which Saïx caught with lightning-quick reflexes.  "Don't waste my money," he growled at his red-haired brother.

 

" _What_?" Axel gasped at Roxas.

 

Xion pointed.  Across the ice cream parlor, a young couple by the window were leaning across the table toward each other, kissing.

 

"Th-They're not having sex, Roxas!"

 

"Yes, they are," the little boy said stubbornly.  "Gene said that sex is when you slobber on each other's mouths.  He said his brother and his girlfriend do it all the time."

 

"Ew," said Xion.

 

"Can we please talk about this somewhere else?" Saïx said in a pained voice, glancing at the giggling cashier.  "Or even better, not talk about it at all...."

 

"Let's go find a table far away from everyone," Axel said, which they did.  Then he gave a resigned sigh and tried to explain.  He could _sense_ Saïx cringing beside him the entire time.

 

Afterward, Xion said unhappily, "Kissing's more complicated than I thought."

 

Roxas was thinking about it, looking dubious.  "So you're supposed to kiss girls you like?"

 

"Yup," Axel said.

 

" _If_ you get permission first," Saïx added.

 

"Oh.  Xion, can I get permission?"

 

"Okay," she agreed readily.  "What for?"

 

Roxas started leaning his face close to hers.

 

"Ack!" Axel managed to yank him back before they could touch.  "You're not supposed to kiss your own sister, Roxas!"

 

"But you just said to kiss girls you like!  I like Xion."

 

"You're not allowed to kiss your brothers and sisters?" Xion said in dismay.

 

Axel wanted to headdesk.  "Like I said, there's different _kinds_ of kissing.  If you like a girl in a way where you want to date her, _that's_ when you can kiss her on the lips."

 

"For the record, you two are far too young to develop affections of that sort," Saïx said with a frown.

 

"Anyway, and for your family and stuff, you can kiss them on the cheek or the forehead or whatever."

 

"Like kissing good night?"

 

"Yeah, like kissing good night."

 

"What about butterfly kisses?" Xion inquired anxiously.

 

"Yeah, butterfly kisses are fine."

 

"What are butterfly kisses?" Saïx said warily.

 

Axel and Xion grinned at each other at the same time.  She scrambled into his chair and fluttered her eyelashes against his cheek.

 

"That's butterfly kissing," he explained to their brothers.  Saïx stared at them as if they had just announced that they were from another planet.

 

"I want butterfly kissing," Roxas demanded, and was readily obliged.

 

"Your turn, Sai-Sai!" Xion declared.

 

Saïx stood up so hastily that he nearly knocked his chair over.  "I'm going to go buy some more ice cream."

 

"But what about your butterfly kisses?!"

 

He whirled and stalked rapidly away.

 

"Oi, Sai!"

 

"YOU NEED KISSES, TOO."

 

"Sai-Sai, come baaack...!"

 

Author's Notes:  **Urgh, I really dislike this one. X(**

 

Complete:  4/30


	18. Gentle Insistence {Xem}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Gentle Insistence (rough draft)**

_2012 Christmas gift for Kasan Soulblade_

 

Summary:  Puppy Eyes _do_ work on Xem, actually.  At least if it's a particular person shooting them at him.

 

A/N:  Xem's POV.  I'm not sure how old Xion is.... *sweatdrop*

 

o.o.o

 

The children know better than to interrupt me when I'm working, but sometimes, they do so anyway.

 

Xion came into the study and paused.  She said nothing, but her hesitating presence was distracting enough.

 

"It can't wait?" I finally asked.

 

"Pleeeaase, can I ask you something, Daddy?"

 

I sighed and turned to face her.  "What is it?"

 

Her expression brightened.  "Daddy, are you almost finished with the 'Clasden file'?  You said you'd play with me when you finished the Clasden file."

 

Oh...I had actually completed that task about thirty-six minutes ago...I had forgotten what I'd told her, and moved on to the next priority item.  It was one I could not easily pause in the middle of.  "Xion, I need you to be patient for a while longer."

 

Her face fell this time, inducing an unpleasant feeling in my chest.  "Oh...are you sure, Daddy?"

 

"Quite sure.  Go play with Roxas while you wait."

 

"Okay...."  She trudged out again, looking dejected.  It was difficult to push the mental image aside and refocus, but I eventually managed to do so.

 

Rather than waiting for me to call her, she later came in again of her own volition.  Unfortunately, I happened to be on the phone, having a long and frustrating conversation with someone I desperately wanted to Speak to with no Shield.  I am a well-trained and civilized person, so I refrained, but the thought was still significantly tempting.

 

Xion came to stand before me.  Again, she did not speak a word, but she might as well have been shouting, with her invasive stance and intent gaze.

 

 _"Leave,"_ I commanded silently as I continued speaking aloud to the insufferable fool on the phone.  _"I am not ready to give you my attention, and your presence is detrimental to my current business."_   I was a little surprised to feel myself wince as I watched her trudge away again.  I was bound to keep my promise to her, and I would, I simply needed to finish this exasperating phone call first.  Then update the record and call my partner with the results.

 

It shouldn't have taken long, but when she interrupted me yet again, I glanced at the clock and was startled to realize how much time had passed.  I had the uneasy feeling I was not being fair to my daughter, and resolved to take her shopping this weekend to make amends.

 

She's a good girl.  She stood patiently, not speaking, clutching a magazine to her chest.

 

"I apologize, Xion," I said, lowering my Shield slightly as I softened my voice and Spoke _welcome_ to her.  "I will finish soon, just give me a little more time."

 

"It's okay, Daddy," she said, a little to my surprise.  "You don't have to play with me if you don't want to.  I just wanted to ask you something, because Saïx is busy and Axel said he's too dumb to know."

 

"Oh.  Well, all right."

 

"Really?  I can really ask you?"

 

"Certainly."

 

Her face lit up, and, somewhat to my discomfiture, she climbed into my lap and carefully spread the magazine open across my desk.  "I don't know what 'matterite' means."

 

"Pardon?"

 

"Matterite."  She pointed to a word in the magazine article.

 

I looked, and completely forgot to tell her that the word was actually 'maturation,' because the article's title had caught my eye and I got distracted.  _'Living with a workaholic: How to recognize the signs.  Do YOU know when enough's enough?'_

 

After I read the whole article, I realized that Xion was lounging comfortably against me, twisting narrow strands of my hair into braids.  "Stop that."

 

"Oh.  Okay.  You have really pretty hair, Daddy."

 

"Such a compliment is more suitably paid to a woman than a man, Xion."

 

"Oh.  Well, I like your hair, Daddy."

 

I was crushing the magazine as tightly as I could with the hand not holding Xion.  I wanted to look at it until it caught fire.  I was _not_ the sort of parent described here.  I was a good father.  I did my best, and I was careful to do everything right.

 

"Daddy?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"You don't have to play with me, but can I sit here with you while you're working?  I miss you."

 

I swung her out of my lap and kept hold of her hand as I rose to my feet.  "I will play with you now, Xion, if you still wish it."

 

Her eyes widened.  "In a little while?"

 

" _No_ , Xion.  Now.  I am at your full disposal for the next...."  Twenty minutes, I meant to say.  However, I had promised to accompany her much earlier than this, and she was such a well-behaved child, the minimum would not do.  "...hour.  For the next hour, I am yours."

 

"What does 'full disposal' mean?"

 

"I will play whatever game you wish, so long as it does not endanger anyone's health and safety, or the condition of any property."

 

"Ooooh, ooh, ooh, will you be Dragongold for real?"

 

"Pardon?"

 

I can't have been a satisfactory playmate, since I did not in the least know what to do with the shimmering golden-eyed winged unicorn toy she placed in my hands.  Yet for some reason, she still seemed pleased with my performance by the end of the hour, anyway.

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  I'm pretty sure that Axel gave her that magazine, turned to that particular page. XD

 

Lol, Kasan is one of the more difficult people to write gifts for, I'm not sure what she likes best. :p  But I know she's interested in StepsibsXem, and she said something one time about Xion using Puppy Eyes on him, so I hope this is something you will like, dear. ^^


	19. Fire & Moonlight: Eat (theme 45) [Challenge edition] {Axel}

**_Fire & Moonlight_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanwork:  Drabble challenge by Wishing-Fire, written by Raberba girl**

**Eat (Theme 45) [Challenge edition] (rough draft)**

 

Summary:  It's tough trying to be a dignified teenage boy when your little sister loves ponies and neither of your stepbrothers has a problem with that.

 

**A/N:  The story I wrote for this theme is so narmy that I couldn't bear to cut it at all, even with a full version included.  So I wrote a totally different story for the challenge (this takes place in the _Stepsiblings_ universe; Sai  & Axel are teenagers, Xion is Saïx's little sister and ten years younger than him; Roxas is eleven years younger than his brother Axel.  Also, Saïx has magical talking eyes. XD).**

 

**The real (and canon) AkuSai version of the Eat theme is the "chapter" after this, and is not cute like this one is.**

**Axel's POV (even though the summary makes it sound like it's from Saïx's, lol).**

 

o.o.o

 

"I'm hungry," Roxas announced as soon as we came to pick them up.

 

"Me, too," Xion immediately chimed in, swinging her book bag and accidentally whacking me with it.

 

"I'll make you something when we get home," Saïx said in a Don't Argue voice as he signed the kids out.

 

"But I'm hungry nowww!" Roxas whined, yanking on my arm so hard that I nearly fell over.

 

"Okay, okay!" I laughed.  "Where do you want to eat?"

 

"MCDONALD'S!" the kids crowed in unison as Saïx glared _annoyance exasperation_ at me.

 

"Oh, stop it, Sai, I'll pay for it."

 

"That's not the issue.  We need to go home."

 

"We'll be quick, we can eat on the way if we have to."

 

"...I _want_ to go home."

 

"You always want to go home."

 

He couldn't understand, when we got there, why I insisted on buying four Happy Meals instead of just two.  "We're sixteen, we don't need _toys_."

 

"But it's fun!"

 

"Our definitions of that particular word _differ_.  Drastically."

 

"Oh, just shut up and see what you got," I ordered, trying to hide my gleeful anticipation.  I'd made a request of the cashier that had made her give me a weird look.

 

"PONIES!" Xion exclaimed rapturously.  She stared lovingly at her new purple toy for a minute, then eagerly dove at Saïx's meal to open his.

 

"Oh my gosh," I gasped in delight as Saïx's eyes widened in horror, "it's Moonwolf Crescent in the flesh!"  The toy was a shiny blue unicorn with a silvery mane and tail, and a crescent moon stamped on its butt.

 

"He's beautiful," Xion whispered admiringly.

 

"That monstrosity is male?" Saïx said disbelievingly.  I was too busy cracking up to answer.

 

Roxas tugged at the plastic packaging of the toy from my own Happy Meal, and I tore it off for him.  "Oh, look," he said.  "It's the furryfame."

 

We all stared at my orange pony with crimson hair and teardrop-shaped flames decorating its butt.  "It totally is," I said in disbelief, holding up Teardrop Flurryflame for closer inspection.

 

"Saïx, open mine," Roxas demanded, shoving it at him.

 

Saïx did so, and for Xion, too, before she could ask.

 

"Ooohhh," Xion cooed joyously when her purple key-adorned pegasus came to light.  "Sorry, Twilight Sparkle, but Dawncrest Tide is my new favorite."

 

"Hi, Katana," Roxas said to his own pony (gold with a key-shaped butt mark like Xion's).  He happily stabbed its face into his burger.  "Here's some food."

 

"His name's not Katana," Xion protested, "it's Sunset Keyblaze.  Katana is what you called Glimmerbreeze when you turned her into a boy."

 

"My pony is Katana," Roxas said stubbornly.

 

I shook my head, setting T.F. down next to Moonwolf.  Saïx scooted away as if the ponies had cooties.  "This is so weird," I said, "it's like someone planned it...."

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  Such as someone with fangirl author powers of customization, mwa ha ha.

 

I had so much trouble coming up with **pony names for Roxas & Xion - Taliax ended up creating them first, actually.  She let me borrow them. X3**

 

TALIAX.  MADE.  THE MOST.  ADORABLE.  MOONWOLF CRESCENT MY LITTLE PONY. 8D 8D 8D  Lol, and then she made a Teardrop Flurryflame, too. XD (Her own brilliant visual design, not mine.)  (Lolol this author's note is so old XD)  AND NOW the pony siblings are complete with Xion and Roxas, and then also Vanitas for good measure. X3  I'mma just link to her whole plushies gallery: maltytoast. webs . com /apps/photos/album?albumid=13328190

 

Complete:  42/101


	20. Day 04 - On a date {Axel}

**A Kingdom Hearts fanwork:  30 Day OTP Challenge by Ericandy, written by Raberba girl**

**Stepsiblings: Day 04 - On a date (rough draft)**

 

Summary:  It seems there is not enough Axel to go around.

 

A/N:  Axel's POV.  He's in high school, though I'm not sure exactly when.  I do have another story planned that's entirely dedicated to Axel's love life (or, more accurately, lack of one XD), but I ended up writing this first. *sweatdrop*

 

Suzy's a random throwaway OC, her name was the first one that came to mind.

 

o.o.o

 

Okay, so she's not the sharpest crayon in the box, but that's not exactly what I'm looking for in a girl.  Suzy's hot and laughs at my jokes and makes me feel like the most fantastic guy in the world, and you know what?  That's enough for me.

 

Besides, I'm getting kind of desperate - I'd pretty much go out with ANY girl by now, anyone who's still willing to complete the actual date after surviving Xem's interrogation and Mom's smothering and my wonderful brothers and sister being...well, themselves.

 

"Do you like ponies?"

 

"Why does your butt stick out like that?"

 

*insert "Saïx Does Not Approve" doomgaze here*

 

"Leave her alone!" I order them, wincing at how it kind of came out sounding like a panicked shriek.  " _No_ she does not like ponies but it doesn't matter and her butt is awesome and GO EMO OVER A BOOK OR SOMETHING I don't _care_ what you think about my l-- _llll_ ovely, adorable, sweet date here," I say, catching myself just in time from saying something dumb and trying to hide it by kissing Suzy's cheek.

 

She's gripping my arm, half-hidden behind me, staring at my family like they're wild tigers.

 

"Be back before 11:00 p.m.," Xem orders.

 

"You _do_ have a condom, right?" Mom says, and immediately gets hit by two incredulous doomgazes and a chorused "What's a condom?" from the kids.

 

"HA HA HA love you all have a great night!" I yell, shoving Suzy out the door and making sure to slam it behind me.

 

"That was your _family_?" she whispers.  Now I'm the one she's staring at, except that I think in her eyes, I'm something a lot less impressive than a tiger.

 

My chest feels tight.  There are some reasons I don't mind getting dumped for.  There are some reasons I DO.  And if this is gonna be the 'your brother is a creep and your little brother is annoying and I wish your little sister would just _leave me alone_ ' thing all over again, then I _swear_ I'm driving Suzy straight home and going to hang out with Demyx for the night.  "Why, you gonna let 'em scare you off?"

 

She smiles ("Maybe.  Let's see if you're worth it"), then runs her fingers through my hair and pulls me close to kiss me.  About a 6, but whatever; we can adjust later.  When we're actually _on_ our date and not being gawked at.

 

"Umm...you think we should get going?" she says uneasily when she pulls back, glancing at the others.  I pull off my jacket and slap it against the window.  Roxas and Xion scamper off, giggling, and Saïx follows them with a sigh.  Xem glares and points out what I assume is a scuff on the pane that I can't even see, and Mom winks at me from behind him.

 

"YES.  Definitely."

 

It's fine for a while.  Suzy knows how to make good conversation (well...she knows how to get me talking about myself a lot, as she stares at me with wide-eyed, fixated attention and gasps with whatever emotion my stories call for).  She knows how to carry herself - I have not yet seen the girl from any unsexy angle.  She's comfortable and flirty and hot and laughing and _dang it_ why is my phone ringing?

 

_"Axel?"_

 

"What's up, Princess?"

 

_"You said you'd watch the ice cream episode with me...."_

 

"You've got My Little Pony on?"

 

 _"Saïx won't,"_ she pouts.

 

"Still no good, huh.  But you've got Roxas, right?"

 

_"Roxas is little.  I want you."_

 

Dang _it_ , it's like total Pavlov, my heart is already twisting and I want to go home and cuddle her and watch MLP with her and I realize that I'm actually _reaching for my keys_.  On a date.  I am on a date with a hot girl and I'm reaching for my keys _without even thinking about it_ , as if I'm actually going to drive home and watch a cartoon about ponies with my little sister.  "Xion.  I am on a date."

 

_"...When are you gonna finish so you can come home?"_

 

"I--  I don't know, Xi, it--  11:00.  Your dad said eleven.  I'll be home by then, okay?"

 

_"But I'll be asleep!"_

 

"We can watch MLP tomorrow, okay?"

 

_"But I want to watch it tonight.  With you.  I don't like that you went to a date without me."_

 

What, is she taking lessons from Van or something?  "Xion...I love you and Roxas and Saïx very, very, very much, but sometimes I have to do some things without you guys, okay?  Do you understand that?"

 

_"...."_

 

"Xi?"

 

_"...Okay."_

 

I let out a relieved breath.  "Okay.  So you go on and watch and go to bed and I'll see you tomorrow morning, okay?"

 

She makes kissing sounds, and I make them back, and then she finally hangs up and I find Suzy and the waitress staring at me.

 

"...Are you finished?" Suzy asks, putting on a smile again.

 

"Uh...yeah.  Yeah, I'm--  Are we ordering?"

 

"Yes," the waitress says, putting on her own smile.  "What would you like, sir?"

 

Just when it's getting back on track, Suzy's laughing at something I said and I'm starting to forget that anything other than the two of us are important, my phone rings again.  "Hold on just a sec...."

 

_"Hi, Axel."_

 

"Hey, Rox."

 

_"You can call me Rox-my-socks."_

 

I eye Suzy warily.  "Um...but you hate that name, right?"  Sort of.  He was starting to, anyway.

 

 _"I'm Rox-my-socks,"_ he says forcefully, _"and Xion is Princess and Saïx is whatever makes him mad and you like the big-butt girl more than you like me."_

 

"Roxas, that is _not_ true."

 

_"You made me stay home."_

 

"Roxas, I'm on a _date_!  Big brothers don't let little brothers come along on their dates!"

 

_"Saïx did."_

 

"That's because Saïx didn't _want_ to go on a date and needed us for moral support."

 

_"You need me for moral support."_

 

"You don't even know what moral support is."

 

_"...You need me."_

 

"What I need is to get off the phone and make Suzy happy before she dumps me."

 

 _"DUMP HIM, SUZY!"_ Roxas yells, and I hastily hang up.

 

"You really like your family, don't you," Suzy says.  Her tone doesn't give away much, but I don't like her expression.

 

"...My brothers and sister are really important to me."

 

"Axel," she says softly, and I'm relieved because she's back now, soft warm flirty Suzy putting her hand over mine and giving me those soulful eyes that had been the first thing I'd noticed about her.  "Turn the phone off, please...?"

 

It's hard.  A lot harder than I expected.  But she's right, and I want a date to go like it's _supposed_ to for once in my life so I know I need to do this, and the entree's actually arrived before I'm finally able to do it, but eventually I manage to get the ringer completely silenced.

 

And then the phone lights up.  Incoming call.

 

I stare at it, then it's being pushed out of my hand and soft warm lips are being pushed against mine and...yeah, this one's about an 8.  I _knew_ it'd get better.  Yeah.  ...Would probably be a 9 if the thought of that silently ringing phone wasn't distracting me.

 

"Feed me," she whispers.

 

Spooning dinner into her mouth feels ridiculous at first, but I think that was the point - soon we're laughing again because this is so stupid, and after a while it kind of fades down and starts getting sexy, and I'm sparing just enough attention to her fingers trailing up my arm to enjoy it but still be able to get the next spoonful into her mouth and not all over her dress, but then--

 

"Ax--!"

 

" _Xion_."

 

"Sssshhhh, Xion, don't tell him we're here!"

 

As Suzy's shrieking about the new color patterns on her dress that hadn't been there before, I'm staring at a certain blue-haired person that I really want to throttle, since I'd never be able to throttle the other two, no matter HOW FREAKING OBNOXIOUS THEY ARE.

 

When Roxas notices me staring at him, he smiles and takes his hand away from Xion's mouth and waves.  "We're on a Super-Secret Mission."

 

"Not so secret now," Saïx mutters.

 

"I'm going to kill all three of you," I say conversationally.

 

The kids shriek happily and start to take off as if they expect me to chase them, but Saïx catches them both in a practiced way.  "This isn't a game.  I told you both we were just going to check on him and then go back home."

 

"But Saïx, I'm hungry!"

 

"I want chicken."

 

Suzy stands up.  "Axel, this isn't going to work out."

 

I barely hear her, because I'm already asking our frowning waitress for the check.

 

Later, at McDonald's, I'm working my way through a pile of comfort junk food as I try to practice doomgazing on Saïx, who's sitting across from me reading a book.  It's not working.  He's like a statue.

 

Until he finally sighs and puts the book down and says, "I apologize.  They were worried.  You weren't answering your phone."

 

"I WAS ON A DATE."

 

"...She didn't suit you."

 

"I DON'T CARE."

 

He blinks.  "You _knew_ she didn't truly care about you?"

 

"SOMETIMES, SAIX, PEOPLE GO ON DATES JUST TO HAVE FUN."

 

"........I was worried, too."

 

Well, _dang it_ , I can't stay mad when Mr. Leave Me Alone says something like that....  Though I try to, anyway.  "You guys can't last _a few hours_ without me?  You're my own flesh and blood, and you're _jealous_ of someone I've only known for a week?"

 

"Roxas is only half your flesh and blood...Xion and I are only related to you by marriage...."

 

Now I want to throttle him again.  "Stop talking before I throw this McFlurry at your head.  Get it through your thick skull that you and me are brothers--"

 

I jump when their high voices chime in, in unison.  "--and always will be, no matter what happens.  Brothers all the way," Roxas finishes, except Xion elbows him and insists, "It's _siblings_ ," and Roxas says, "Whatever."

 

"...You and _I_ are brothers," Saïx mumbles.  "For someone so fixated on memorization, you seem to have a difficult time remembering proper grammar."

 

Xion's crawling into my lap and putting her arms around my neck, as Roxas leans against me so heavily that he'll fall if I move.  "Are you mad, Axel?" Xion asks anxiously.

 

"Ugh, I can't stay mad at you guys," I say, kissing her forehead.  I wave at the playplace where other kids are tumbling through the tunnels and screaming like kids do.  "You two don't want to play anymore?"

 

"I wanna be with you."

 

"It's not fun playing when you're mad."

 

"I'm not mad anymore, Rox."

 

"But now you're sad."

 

"I'm not...sad...exactly...."

 

Roxas looks at my lap, which is full, then makes a resigned sound and backs into the closest lap that's available.  Saïx is not happy.

 

"I'm sorry, Axel," Xion says.

 

"Don't worry about it."

 

"You can have a date with us," Roxas says, which makes me laugh.

 

"Yeah," Xion says eagerly.  "Can I feed you, Axel, like you were feeding the big-butt girl?"

 

"Her butt was not big!  I mean, it was, but that's a _good_ thing!"

 

"Here."  Xion picks up the half-eaten McFlurry.

 

Luckily, Saïx reaches out to stop her before she can mash it into my face.  "Axel is perfectly capable of feeding himself."

 

"Aw."

 

"Let's feed Saïx," Roxas suggests.

 

"NO."

 

"Heheh, you guys are awesome...."

 

"You're awesome, too, Axel," Xion says, snuggling me.  "You're my favorite person in the whole world.  You and Saïx and Roxas.  And Daddy and Mom and Mommy and Aunt Aqua and Uncle Terra and Dad and...."

 

I mean to say something affectionate and flippant, but my voice catches and all I can do is hug her.

 

"Hey, Axel's _my_ favorite person," Roxas insists.

 

"You can both have the same favorite person," Saïx says dryly.

 

"Oh.  I like you, too, Saïx."

 

"I _love_ you, Sai-Sai!"

 

"...Hey, guys," I say, trying to think of the lamest, most kid-friendly one I can, as an experiment.  "What time is it when an elephant sits on the fence?"

 

They all stare at me.

 

"It's time to fix the fence!"

 

The kids keep staring at me, though Saïx abruptly covers his mouth with one hand.

 

"Huh?"

 

"Why?"

 

Saïx clears his throat and looks overly stern to make up for having forgotten to be a grump for two seconds.  "An elephant has quite a lot of mass.  All that mass compressing a fence would soon break it, meaning that it would then be _time_ to fix it...."

 

Roxas and Xion burst into laughter at my stupid joke, as I sit there feeling like the most fantastic guy in the world, and you know what?  I decide that two out of three is more than enough for me.

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  Lol, if you don't get the ending, re-read the first paragraph.

 

Ftr, it's _possible_ that Roxas already knows what condoms are (he and Axel can talk to each other about anything [as long as they're not in public lol], and the subject might have or might not have ever come up), but I kinda didn't want to go there. orz And **I, personally, me, am going to firmly assume that Axel is still a virgin, because I reeeaaaallllly don't want to think about it otherwise. -.-**

 

Complete:  3/30


	21. ~Beyond His Reach {Van}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Beyond His Reach (rough draft)**

 

Summary:  There were sacrifices made so that Van could choose a different future.

 

A/N:  Van's POV.  He's ten years old.  **AU because the timeline's off by, like, five years. *sweatdrop***   (Or maybe not, maybe I can wrestle it into cooperating...but I can't find my notes for this scene...argh; yay rough drafts. -.-)  This is like Van's version of "Marked Flesh."

 

o.o.o

 

I can't get the words out of my head, they won't go away, it's like he's standing behind me saying them over and over and over gain....

 

_"I have decided:  the honor will go to you, Van Kaz_ _é_ _.  When you come of age, the current cycle will reach its conclusion, and our life will begin anew with all its glorious new opportunities."_

 

I'll kill him.  I'm gonna kill him before he takes me.  But...I know that's not why I'm standing here, looking down at the last thing I'm ever gonna see.  I'm not here because I plan to kill him - he's too strong and too evil and I know I don't have a chance.  All I can do is run...run to where he'll never be able to catch me....

 

You know, Aunt Kay, I wish you were right.  I wish there was a Home.  But there never will be, at least for me.

 

o.o.o.o.o

 

No no no no no no _no_ , now it's Ven's face tormenting me, can't get him out of my head, I killed him I killed him I killed him I killed him; his _face_ , looking at me when he fell, he'll never forgive me, he can't forgive me, and I'll never see him again and it's all my fault but no it's _his_ fault the stupid idiot I never asked him to get involved it was MY problem not his he didn't know what the freak he was talking about; he thought he was so smart because he's a grown-up and I'm a kid but he has no _clue_ , no clue who I am and what I am and what's supposed to happen to me.  He wouldn't believe me when I said I'd rather be dead.  Now _he's_ the one who's dead and I'm still alive, and I'll kill the old man I'll kill him but I can't, I _can't_ let him find me either--

 

I'll find Sora.  I know where he is.  Well, I don't, but I can find him again.  I'll get Sora and I'll make him take Sora instead, Sora's the one he really wanted anyway, I'll give him Sora and I'll run and he'll never find me or hurt me again and I'll...just...be alone with Ven, with his face in my head, looking so horrible as he dies, over and over and over again...just me and Ven, the Ven in my head who'll never forgive me....

 

"Just curious, are you gonna bother to come up with a creative excuse, or are you gonna be boring and whine at me?"

 

Dad's standing in the doorway, watching me trying to get the gun case open, probably knowing his wallet's in my pocket.

 

"Don't try to stop me or I'll kill you," I tell him.

 

"So you're going for the whining, huh.  Bit disappointed in you, son."

 

"I MEAN it!"

 

"What'd you do this time, rob a bank?"

 

"I think I WILL!  I'll go rob a bank and I'll live on my own, I'll be rich and I'll never have to see any of you again--!"

 

"Van."  Then he starts Speaking, and I can't help it, I'm crying, I can't even move I'm crying so hard, like my heart burst open and there was a whole ocean of tears inside and now they're pouring out.  He's dead.  Ven's dead.  It was my fault.  He's the one who should be alive and I'm the one who's supposed to be dead, it's not fair....

 

Dad's holding me, and I can't talk so I tell him with my eyes, everything, everything.  Well...not everything about Ven.  Because that's just for me and him, no one else.  But I tell Dad about the old man, and that it was my fault Ven's dead, and that I'll do something crazy and huge if he doesn't _do something_ now, if he doesn't let me go.  If Dad just blows this off and makes a stupid joke or _whatever_ , whatever I know he's going to do, I'll kill him.

 

When I finish Speaking, he stops holding me and pushes me away and he goes and gets the bottle of poison I'm not supposed to ever touch.  "Hey, Van, you know how you were asking to get a tattoo a while back?" he says.  "Well, it's your lucky day.  You get your wish - if you still want it."

 

 _Huh?_   "What does--?  That's--  You wanna tattoo me with _that_?!  You psycho, are you trying to kill me?!"

 

He tosses the bottle in his hand like it's a toy, like it won't burn him if the cap comes off or the bottle breaks.  "It'd kill your grandpa, sure.  You, though?  With your grandma's blood and your mom's blood choking out his and mine?  Of course it won't kill you.  Just make you so disgusting your gramps won't ever want anything to do with you."

 

Ohhh--  _Oh_....  I'm crying again, even though I try not to.  Dad...I can't hate him when he's trying to help me for real.  He didn't just laugh, he didn't just act like his stupid self...I won't die after all....

 

"Van, it's gonna hurt like hell.  You understand me?"

 

"I can take it."

 

"It might always hurt.  Poison in your skin forever, you'll always feel it."

 

"It's better than being dead, right?"

 

He grins.  "Sure."  Then he picks up the phone and dials a number.  "Oi, Kay, we're comin' over for a bit."

 

Huh?

 

I don't care about stupid Saïx, holed up in his room while Dad and Aunt Kay get drunk downstairs.  I'm watching Dad...he's amazing. Aunt Kay thinks it's all her idea.  He knows exactly what to say; he Speaks to me and I say all the right things, too.  It'll look like her fault...no one can blame us, Gramps can't tell us we were wrong, it was all Aunt Kay, all her fault....

 

It does hurt, it hurts _so much_.  I thought I was ready for it, but it hurts _so much_ , like my whole arm's on fire, like he's burning me instead of just poking me with needles.  _'Ven.  Ven.  Help me.  Please, I need you.  I'm sorry I killed you, please help me....'_

 

But then it's over, and my arm's still burning but I feel like I'm dancing through the flames.  He can't touch me now.  He'll never be able to touch me, he can't choose me, I'm safe forever and I didn't even have to run away.  I'm right here under his nose and _he can't touch me anymore_.  He'll have to take Saïx instead, heh.

 

 _'Ven.'_   I'm not supposed to take the bandage off, but I do when I get home and I'm alone in my room.  Tearing the tape off feels like I'm ripping off pieces of my skin, it hurts so much; but I look at the tattoo....

 

Ven's mark, the one he said belonged to his family.  Everyone in his family is proud to use that mark, he said...maybe this is like I'm in his family, too.

 

...I bet he wouldn't like that, after what I did, but too bad, Ven, I'm in your family now.

 

I don't want to put the bandage back on.  Looking at that tattoo...it's all I can see now, I can't see his face as much anymore.  I'd rather look at this than keep seeing his face, that horrible face as he died.  This way, it's like he's...still with me, protecting me....

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  This was a completely random StepsibsVan idea that started writing itself in my head the last couple of days, so I scribbled it down on scraps of paper while I was at work.

 

**Ftr, there was some misrepresentation going on in "Marked Flesh" - Saïx doesn't remember the incident with complete accuracy, and Van & Xigbar were lying sometimes, since they have no reason to tell the truth and would rather the others think something different than what actually happened.**

 

I love VenVan.... ;;  Ftr, Van didn't literally kill Ven, but it was because of him that Ven died. :/  Also ftr, the pain does fade, but it never completely goes away.

 

And now that I've posted this depressing drabble, I'mma go get those fluffy XemXi fics ready to post in the other series.


	22. ~If We Could Meet Again - Van & Ven {Van}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**If We Could Meet Again - Van & Ven (rough draft) [censored version]**

 

Summary:  Van & Ven still have some things to say to each other.

 

A/N:  **The censored content isn't objectionable or offensive or anything** , I just don't want it public for personal reasons.

 

I actually had similar ideas a while ago for Saïx/Kay, Axel/Ven, etc., but for some reason the VenVan version that popped into my head this morning was the first to actually get written. *sweatdrop*

 

Van's POV.  AU because the timeline for this subplot is so messed up. -.-  This makes a bit more sense if you've read "Beyond His Reach."

 

o.o.o

 

I know who he is before I even see him.  _'Ven's here,'_ I think, and I look up and there he is.  Sitting on a bench surrounded by birds, watching me, smiling a little.  "Hi, Van."

 

I can't stand to even look at him, his smile is so painful, I realize I'm already walking away.  Walking and walking, I try to straighten my shoulders but I can't.  I'm waiting, but I don't hear his voice or feel his touch, and I finally stop and look back and...he's still just sitting there.  Watching me.  He didn't follow me after all.  "Ven," I say, even though I didn't want to say anything, but I can't help it.  _'Ven....'_

 

"...Do you not want to be with me?" he says, looking a little sad.

 

I can't answer.  I can't say a thing.  I want him so much, to talk to him, just to walk along for a while with him at my side so I finally won't be so alone, but...I can't say anything.  I don't want to tell him how much I need him.

 

He knows anyway.  I sense him standing beside me now.

 

"Ven."  It's all I can say.  I don't really tell people 'Thank you,' but I know he still knows.

 

He finally says gently, "So what have you been up to since I saw you last?"

 

My face gets hot and I can't look at him.  I can't tell him what a complete screw-up I've been, that the life he sacrificed his own to save is so pathetic and worthless.  I can't _stand_ to see the disappointed look on his face, I'll die.  ...If I'm not already dead.  Why is he here, anyway?  He's supposed to be dead.

 

"I never got to tell you some things," I say, looking at his feet.  "That...I'm...sorry."  I meant to say all the things I'm sorry for, but my throat is tight and I can't.

 

"I forgive you," he says, still in that gentle light voice, like me killing him was no big deal.

 

My hands curl into fists.  "Shut up.  And I wanted to thank you for--"  No, he's not the one who put that tattoo on my shoulder.  I did that myself.  Daydreaming that he was protecting me, when really it was just me taking even more from him that I never repaid.  I'm suddenly glad my sleeves are long enough to cover it; I don't want him to know about what I did to his Mark of Mastery after he died.  "F-For...being there for me, when I was a kid.  Being nice to me and helping me and putting up with me, even though you screwed up and got yourself killed like an idiot.  And I wanted to...tell you that...I...."  It's hard.  So hard to say in words.  I think of Speaking it at him, but I'd actually have to look in his eyes to do that, and I can't.  "That I...miss you."  I swallow.  _'A lot.'_

 

"I miss you, too, Van," he says softly.

 

Wait.  Wait wait wait.  "You're not here to take me, are you?!"

 

His fingertips brushing my face surprise me; I jump back before I realize it was harmless, but it's too late and he doesn't touch me again.  "You're only dreaming, Van."

 

A dream...just a dream...I'm not dead yet.  I don't want to die.  I'm not gonna end up in the same place Ven is.  I'm...scared.  To die.  I'd 'die' before admitting it, except it hits me just now that that's not true, I'd do _anything_ to not die.

 

"There's nothing to fear here, Van.  You're safe."

 

"Who cares!  Stop going on about dumb stuff I don't care about!"

 

He chuckles a little.  Why is he so _casual_?  I'm the one freaking out.  "What would you like to talk about, then?"

 

"...About how much I hate myself for what I did to you."

 

"Don't hate yourself."  He sounds sad again.  "Please."

 

"Don't tell me what to do!"

 

"Who is it you're going to listen to, then?"

 

"No one, okay?  Me!  I listen to _me_."  Which is actually not what I want, because I get myself into _so much trouble_ , but...there's no one else I can trust.  "Ven?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"...Why'd you have to die?"

 

"I'm sorry for leaving you, Van.  I shouldn't have dismissed what you said just because you were young."

 

It's hard to swallow.  "Yeah...."  So he wouldn't have done it, if he'd known.  He'd have done exactly what I told him, and gone off and left me to die.  Fine.  I knew he'd do that.  I knew it.  I _told_ him to do it.  He'd rather save himself than me.  I would, too, if I was him.  I hate him.  I don't want to see his face anymore; if this is a dream, I want to wake up.  I'm so lonely out there and it hurts more there, but I can protect myself better than in here where I feel like I can't hide anything, like he knows everything I don't say.  "I _told_ you it was supposed to be me who's dead."

 

I start to turn away, but then I can't move when he says, "No.  I wish I'd listened to you, Van.  Then I would have known what I was getting into, instead of just walking into it blindly.  Maybe I could have gotten you out of there, _and_ still been able to stay with you until you didn't need me anymore."

 

"I'll always need you," I whisper before I can stop myself, and he's putting his arms around me and then I'm crying.

 

This _sucks_ , I hate this, I hate this, but I can't stop making myself look like an idiot, like a freaking _kid_ , but Ven just keeps holding me like he doesn't care that I'm messing up his shirt, and he's not all smug, either.  He's just _here_.  For me.  Here for me like no one's ever been since Mom died.  I finally give up fighting it, since I'm losing anyway, and just let myself cry.  It's easier.  _'I'd die for him,'_ I think, _'I'd do anything for him.'_   But...no...not anything.  I'm still too scared to die.  I'm still too scared of the old man.  ...But if I _could_.  I'd die for him, for Ven.  He's done _everything_ for me, and I haven't ever given him a single thing, and I hate myself more than ever.

 

Finally I can get my voice working enough to choke out, "I want Xion to meet you.  She's _everything_ to me, and you're--  And...and I want her to meet you.  But she never can, because of me.  She never can...."

 

"It's all right, Van.  She loves me, didn't you know?"

 

"Maybe...."

 

He has an affectionate smile on his face that makes my heart feel warm.  It's...important to me, that he likes her, and that she'd like him.  "She's never seen my face, yet she loves me as if I really were a father to her.  She'll be all right, Van."

 

"...."  It's not the same.  And it's my fault.  The only reason that my two most precious people can never meet is because I was a stupid kid who was too dumb to understand Ven, too dumb to see how important it was until it was too late.

 

"Van, please.  Thinking about it this way is killing you.  I _chose_ to do what I did--  Van, look at me.  _Look_ at me.  I would do it again in a heartbeat."

 

"No, you wouldn't," I whisper, even as stupid hope is making my heart hurt, because I can't stand the thought of losing him again.

 

"I wish I'd been smarter about it, but it doesn't really matter how it would have turned out.  I wouldn't have thought twice about helping you, no matter what the cost.  Your grandfather could have done nothing to me I would care about; _you're_ the one I'm still desperate to save.  You still have a chance, Van."

 

What does he...mean...?

 

We're in a hospital.  The fire alarm's going off.  People are running around like crazy, screaming, but I can barely hear them; it's like the volume on a TV is turned way down low.  Mostly what I hear is the blaring alarm.

 

"Van Kazé," Ven says quickly, "make me proud."  I can hear him perfectly.  Not with my ears, because of that freaking stupid alarm, but it's like I still know exactly what he's saying.

 

For just a second, I think of the old man.  But no...it's TOTALLY different, the way they call me that.  The old man thinks he owns my soul, thinks he can crush me into doing whatever he wants.  Ven is trying to pull me out into the light - all of me, not just the little bit of myself I'm willing to risk.  I don't want to go, I want to stay in here where it's comfortable and I'm used to it, but I know I _should_ go.  If I HAVE to obey one of them someday, it's Ven.  Neither of them, for as long as I can; but when they're both calling my name and I have to move, I know which one I'll answer.

 

"Maybe.  Someday."

 

"Van, it's _important_.  More than you know."

 

"I'll think about it."

 

"You don't have forever to think."

 

"I'll THINK about it."

 

It's like he's being pulled away.  He's still here, but his hands gripped in mine - it's like I can't hold onto him anymore, like he's turning into something I can't touch.  "I love you," he says, with all his heart so that it surprises me

 

o.o.o

 

then I wake up and FREAKING STUPID ALARM CLOCK AAARRRGGGHHH, I slam a hand on the Snooze button and try to go back to sleep, but I can't.  I want to break something.  Ven was _right there_.  The dream felt too real.  "Gah, I hate this...."

 

It cheers me up, getting to see Xion later.  Especially the way her eyes light up as she runs to me.  "Vani!"

 

"Hey, sunshine."  I hold her for a long time, thinking how real she is here in my arms.  And how easily I could lose her.

 

"Axel, does he _have_ to come?" Roxas complains.

 

"Any friend of Xion is a friend of ours," Axel says in this mocking tone.

 

I look at them, Shielding for once.  Roxas is a brat, but he's still so small...he wouldn't have a chance against anyone who tried to hurt him.  Well, half a chance; I know Axel and their aunts and uncles have been teaching him some stuff.  But...I dunno...I was way more of a brat than he is.  Someone thought I was still worth fighting for.  Worth dying for.  ...Someone who happened to look a lot like Roxas.  Seeing Roxas so soon after that freaking dream, his clear blue eyes without a shred of darkness in them, it makes my heart hurt a little....

 

"Vani is our cousin," Xion is saying in puzzlement.

 

"It's an expression, Xion," Saïx drones.  "It simply means that the speaker is willing to ally with the friend of a friend, without requiring firsthand demonstration of their beneficial qualities.  It can mean any acquaintance, the word 'friend' isn't necessarily literal."

 

"Uhh...okay," she says, obviously having no clue what he's talking about.  Whatever.

 

"Let's just get going already," says Axel.  He's got a hand on Roxas's shoulder and has moved more in front of him, like he's shielding him from me with his body.  Roxas is standing there with him, so trustful, like it wouldn't even occur to him that Axel could ever hurt or betray him.  It kind of makes me wish I could've trusted his dad like that.

 

"...Do you guys really not want me to come?"  Usually, I wouldn't care.  Usually, I'd just spend every second with Xion, enjoying it as much as I can before they drag her away from me again, but...I don't know.  Something about that dream....  It makes me feel heavy, the thought of spending the entire afternoon with one person I love and three people who hate me.

 

They're staring.  "Uh...not particularly, but since when have you cared?" Axel finally says.

 

"I don't," I say, as sulkily as I can.  "I'm just gonna have fun messing up the whole thing for you, as usual."

 

Xion is watching my Speech, looking distressed.  It's hard, letting her see everything while simultaneously Shielding from the others, but I've gotten used to it.  "Why did you say one thing but really mean the opposite?"

 

Don't Shield, don't Shield, don't Shield.  Not from her, Van.  Never from her.  "I'm just having a bad day, okay, Xion?"

 

"You're always having a bad day," Axel snorts.

 

"Axel, don't be mean," Xion says.  "Someone's been too mean to Vani already, he's all bleeding inside."

 

"No, I'm not," I mumble.

 

"He's not bleeding," Roxas says.  "He just wants to be greedy and hog you all to himself and not share so that we can't have fun together."

 

I pull her close again and hug her tighter.  I _do_ hog her.  But so do they.  They get her ALL THE TIME, whenever they want, but I have to fight for every second.

 

"I don't wanna go," Xion suddenly says.  "I wanna stay home and watch _My Little Pony_ with Vani."

 

"No," I mumble.  "Go have fun with everyone."  I'll just hang out with Larxene or something, so I won't have to sit there and watch the time go by as I'm not being with Xion.

 

"What is _wrong_ with you today?!" Axel exclaims.  "You're, like, being nice!  Kind of."

 

"He woke up on the wrong side of the bed," Roxas says.  I swear, that kid is so stupid.

 

"Roxas is _not_ stupid," Xion says.

 

I get sick of Saïx spewing _shock confusion perplexity frustration resentment_ at me like an idiot, so I finally stand up and doomgaze _annoyance_ at him.  Maybe I can give him a hint.  Just a little one.  He'll probably be too dumb to connect the dots, but it's just _painful_ how clueless he still is.  Like, it's not even funny anymore, I want to claw his eyes out sometimes, it's so freaking annoying.  "Think [. . .]," I say.  That's how babies do it, anyway.  I can't even explain how I do it now, I'd have to Speak it, and he'd be too stupid to understand anyway.

 

"What?"

 

See?  Stupid.  [. . .]

 

"Thiiiiiink," I say, real slow and loud because he's obviously too dumb to understand even regular speech, "[. . .]--"

 

"I _heard_ you, I just have no idea what you're talking about."

 

"Ugh, forget it."

 

"Is that how you Shield?" Axel says suddenly.

 

"Wow, Axel.  Maybe you're only seven-eighths as dumb as I thought."

 

"Careful, Van, I think you just complimented me."

 

"Are we gonna go, or not?" Roxas complains.

 

Xion takes my hand.  "If we're gonna go, we're all gonna go together, right?"

 

I squeeze her hand and don't say anything.

 

"Yeah," Axel says.  This time, I'm the one looking at him in surprise.  "Because what's a fun day at the beach without good old Van, huh?"

 

"Craptastic, that's what it'd be," I say.  Kind of out of obligation, since I'm actually...grateful.

 

Axel laughs.  And it doesn't sound sarcastic at all.  "You're so full of yourself."

 

"You're one to talk."

 

"Yeah.  Come on; Van, you get the beach bag with the giant yellow sunflower on it, and let's get going!"

 

Maybe it's their day to be nicer, too, since none of them makes a big deal out of the fact that I did as I was told without bothering to protest.

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  While playing around with ideas to commission FermonsNosYeux with, the one I eventually decided on was a Stepsibs VenVan.  After placing the commission, the idea started getting really insistent and then started to write itself in my head _while I was running late for work_ , ugh.  So I started scribbling it out at work and typed the rest just now, and here it is. *sweatdrop*

 

I _swear to you_ , the "seven-eighths" thing was not intentional, it would have been like that anyway.  But then I looked at what I'd just typed and was like:  XD

 

What Van can do with the Speech, that "selective Shield" thing?  That's an example of why he's considered a prodigy. XD  As far as I know at the moment, Xig can't do it well enough to be effective, and Xem can only do it for a very limited time; Ansem & Xehanort can do it, though not _quite_ as well as Van unless the situation is urgent.  (And Saïx is such an utter fail at this point that he barely even counts. XD)

 

Btw, the VenVan in this is ENTIRELY platonic - I have absolutely no patience for stuff like yaoi-squee over the merest hint of two males showing affection for each other (unless that was the original intent, which it usually isn't).  Ven & Van's relationship in this series is like that of a father and son; Ven died when Van was still a _child_.  If you think this story is giving off yaoi vibes anyway, just keep in mind that romance/sex is not the only kind of love, and you can love/need/want someone without any desire to jump into their pants; that the two characters are alone together and therefore Van has fewer inhibitions about expressing his feelings; it's a dream (and NOT one of 'those' kind of dreams) where Van's defensive layers are more muted; and someone who's dead like Ven would have an entirely different perspective on things than someone who's alive.  Just let this relationship _be_ what it is and don't try to cheapen it with wishful thinking. X(


	23. Fire & Moonlight: The Storm (theme 53) {Xion, Saix, Axel, & Roxas}

**_Fire & Moonlight_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanwork:** **101 Theme Challenge** **by Wishing-Fire, written by Raberba girl**

**53\. The Storm (rough draft)**

 

Summary:  Saix isn't the only one with a phobia.

 

A/N:  _Stepsiblings_ universe, multiple perspectives.  And I'm sorry for the overload of AkuSaiRokuShi and stuff (especially in this series that allegedly focuses on AkuSai), I can imagine it's getting repetitive.... :/

 

o.o.o

 

**Xion**

 

Monster chasing me but I can't run, trying and trying he's catching up

 

CRASH

 

HE BIT ME

 

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh it's my room, dark, I woke up in bed in my room raining, rain hitting the window NO

 

CRASH

 

SAÏX SAÏX SAÏX I NEED YOU I NEED YOU I NEED YOU _ow_ that hurt, ow ow ow knee hurts have to get to Saix SAÏX WAKE UP, WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UPPPPPPPP

 

**Saix**

 

I awakened to find myself being violently shaken by my sister, as the sound of heavy rain struck the window.  A flash of lightning made the situation clear to me, and she screamed in the next second, though it was nearly drowned in the crash of thunder that had incited it.

 

"Xion...."

 

I have learned, however, that nothing I say has an effect in these situations, and did not resist as she practically shoved me out of bed.  I had just enough presence of mind to seize a pillow and blanket as she, in an impressive display of strength for such a small girl, hauled me across the room and into my closet before slamming the door.  The storm was muted now, though we could both still hear it.

 

"Ugh...."  I was too tired to deal with this.  I lay down and allowed her to clamber over me and wedge herself between me and the wall.

 

"Saix," she whimpered, "please please please sing the kittens song."

 

"Xion," I groaned.

 

"Please," she sobbed.  "Sing to me like we sing at Christmas, _please_."

 

....  I suppose it...was only fair....

 

I sighed and rolled over, folding some of the blanket across her as she nestled close to me.  _"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...."_   I think I fell back asleep before finishing the song, but at least she wasn't shivering as much.

 

**Axel**

 

The storm wakes me up, though for a minute I just lie here stupidly until thunder crashes and I remember--

 

"Ah, dang it."  Xion.  Have to get to Xion, like, _now_.

 

I get up and hunt around for some pants, and I'm pulling them on when lightning blasts my room again.

 

I freeze.  It was just for a _second_ , but I thought I saw....

 

My back is already creeping.  For a minute, I'm paralyzed, but then I force myself to dive for the light switch, telling myself, _'It's okay, Axel, it's okay, Axel, it's just your imagination, you're just jumpy because--'_

 

HOLY CRAP NOT MY IMAGINATION IT'S THERE IT'S THERE IT'S THERE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO _SA_ _Ï_ _X_!  Saix Saix Saix HOLY CRAP it's moving _SA_ _Ï_ _X_!!!!!!!!!!

 

The breath FREEZES IN MY FREAKING THROAT and I _swear_ I'm going to faint for a minute because HE'S NOT THERE.  WHERE IS HE.  HE'S NOT HERE.  I NEED MY BROTHER AND HE'S NOT IN HIS FREAKING BED AND _WHERE IS HE_.

 

I hurl the closet door open so hard it actually bounces back off the wall and nearly hits me in the face.  "SAÏX."  Then I feel bad because Xion's screaming.  Oops.  "Xi, it's m-me...."

 

Her screams fade into sobs, and Saix makes an annoyed grunt.  I can hear them but I can't _see_ them, where's the dang light switch uuuuuggggghhhhhh, what if there's one on the wall crawling on the light switch, under my fingers, ugly gross hairy body filling my palm and eight legs rattling against my flesh and my back hits the wall and I can barely keep from screaming myself, it comes out as a strangled whimper.  " _Saix_!!!!"

 

"Go _away_!" he wails.

 

"SAÏX TURN THE LIGHT ON."

 

"I'm trying to sleep."

 

"TURN THE LIGHT ON FOR ME I'M GONNA KICK YOU."

 

"Axel, I'm scared," Xion sobs.  Crap, can't kick him, Xi's somewhere down there I might kick her too, but _finally_ Saix you jerk he's getting up and shuffling over here and flipping the switch so that the closet floods with awesome, wonderful light, except it just thundered again so Xion's screaming.  I hate this.

 

"Just leave me alone," he groans.  "There's school tomorrow."

 

"Bring your bed in here," I order.  I am _not_ sleeping on the floor, not where spiders can crawl up and crawl over you and uuuugggghhhh, can't stop swatting at the back of my neck because I can _feel_ them there even though it's just my imagination....

 

Saix flops back down and pulls the pillow over his head.  Jerk.

 

"It's loud," Xion sobs.

 

I have to shut the door.  I shut it and look _everywhere_ , all over, the floor and the walls and the ceiling but I can't see anything.  There's nothing.  It's okay, Axel, it's okay, no spiders in here, just your poor freaking out little sister and your jerk brother.  "It's okay X-Xi," I say.  She watches with huge teary eyes as I shove Saix against the wall - if they come crawling down the wall, they'll get on him and not me - and gingerly lie down and use him as a pillow.  I'm at an angle where I can see most of the closet.  I'll see them coming, if they come crawling up.  Hopefully.  I can see them if they come.  I'll grab Saix's arm and squish them with it.  He's a jerk and he's asleep so he can be my spider-guard.

 

"It's still raining," Xion sniffles.  She crawls over to me and I put my arms around her and we're miserable together.  At least it beats being miserable alone.

 

**Roxas**

 

CRASH.

 

Not falling, 'cause I'm in bed and it was a dream.

 

Oh look, it's raining.  I can say I'm scared and get to sleep with Axel.

 

Cold cold floor is cold, why is the light on

 

WHERE'S AXEL.

 

....

 

Maybe aliens took him, but maybe he went potty.  I'mma go check.

 

Axel is not going potty.

 

Axel is not eating ice cream in the kitchen.

 

"AXEL WHERE ARE YOU."

 

Crash.  Thunder.  Xion's scared of thunder, she cries.

 

Oh.  Axel went to hold Xion and sing to her and tell her everything's gonna be okay.

 

XION'S GONE.  XION GOT KIDNAPPED BY ALIENS TOO.  I'M ALL ALONE.  I'M ALL ALONE.

 

Except Saix.  And Mom and Xem.  If Saix got kidnapped too then I'm all alone.  But I have to see if his bed's empty

 

HIS BED IS EMPTY I'M ALL ALONE.  "Axel!" I yell.  "Axel I'm alone come back!"

 

 _Knock knock_.

 

There is a monster in the closet.  The monster ate Saix.  Maybe it ate Axel and Xion too.

 

I go and get my lightsaber and my helmet and I'm gonna bash it in the stomach really hard so it'll throw up Saix and Axel and Xion like the monster did in _Space Pizza Invasion_ and they'll be gross and covered with throw-up but I'll get them back.  I hate bad monsters.

 

"Why is everyone in the closet?"

 

"We're scared," Axel says.  He looks sad.  "Come be scared with us."

 

"Okay."  I come in.

 

"Close the door!" Axel and Xion yell.

 

Geez.  I close the door.  "I closed it."  Saix has a pillow on his head.  It looks good to sleep on.  I go and lie on the pillow and Saix says Go away and Axel hugs me and Xion, and everything's okay now and I fall asleep.

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  ....  This did not turn out nearly as cute or amusing as I thought it would. -.-  (Except for Roxas's part. XD  Little-kid Roxas is my _favorite character to write ever_. X3)

 

Axel's arachnophobia is from _Christmas at the Castle_ , and Xion's thunderphobia is from _Raindrops & Whiskers_.

 

I'm... _pretty_ sure by now that Axel  & Roxas are supposed to share a room?  I think?  But the house is doing its magical author's needs rearranging again. orz  I'll figure it out for the final draft...hopefully....  (And why Xem & Lea are able to sleep through all that racket, idk yet. -.-)

 

And again, more AkuSaiRokuShi than AkuSai.

 

Fail drabble all around, whee!

 

Complete:  52/101


	24. Birthday Present {Saix & Axel}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Birthday Present (rough draft)**

 

_For Saix/Axel Day, 8 July 2013_

 

Summary:  Saix is having a difficult time shopping for his stepbrother's birthday present. The children are NOT HELPING. *temporarily incomplete*

 

A/N:  Mostly in Saix's POV; the end is in Axel's.  Takes place the first summer after the wedding.

 

o.o.o

 

The first step was to obtain Gippal's phone number.  In hindsight, there were probably better ways to go about it than hunt through Axel's room while he was in the shower.

 

"Saix, what are you doing?"  I looked up to find both children standing in the doorway, watching me curiously.

 

I felt my face grow warm.  "...My phone is charging," I lied.  "I need to borrow Axel's."

 

"Oh."

 

"Okay."

 

They trooped in and sat together on the bed, continuing to gaze at me in a steady, interested way I found disconcerting.  I tried to ignore them as I kept looking.  "Axel, Father's told you to clean your room three times this week," I grumbled under my breath.

 

"You better not tell on him," Roxas warned, "or I'll go mess up _your_ room."

 

I straightened up and stared hard at him.  He flinched and shifted behind Xion, who looked at me reproachfully.  "Sai-Sai, be nice."

 

"Don't call me that, and mind your own business."  In desperation, I began searching through drawers.  I had to find this thing soon.

 

"Why don't you just ask Axel for his phone?" Xion asked.

 

"...I can't ask him, he's in the shower."

 

"I can go ask him," Roxas offered.

 

" _No_."  At last - the cell phone was in the pocket of one of the many discarded pants that were strewn across the floor.  I jerked it free and began pressing at buttons.

 

"Why do you need Axel's cell phone?"

 

"Why do you need to ask so many questions?"

 

The water in the bathroom down the hall shut off.  I tried not to curse as I struggled to open his contacts list; it was difficult, trying to find my way around a strange phone.

 

"Do you not want Axel to know you were in his room?" Xion realized.

 

Did Gippal's name have one P or two?

 

"Why don't you want Axel to know you were in his room?" Roxas asked, look very interested.  "Hey, Saix, buy me something cool so I won't tell Axel you were in his room."

 

The bathroom door opened.  I memorized the phone number as quickly as I could.

 

"If you buy Roxas something, will you buy me something, too, big brother?"

 

I shoved the phone back in the pocket I'd found it in and practically dove out of the room - coming face to face with my older stepbrother in the hallway.

 

"Oh...hey, Sai."  His hair looked very odd without its usual gelled spikes, spilling over his shoulders and frizzing damply around his head.  Drops of water still clung to his skin in places, and he had the edge of a towel carelessly pressed to his stomach with one hand, the bare minimum of modesty for this short trip down the hall.  Although it could have been worse, I've still told him _many times_ that he needs to be more courteous of the other people he lives with now.

 

"Axel, I can see your butt," Xion giggled from behind me.

 

"Huh."  Blushing a little, he pulled the towel more securely around his waist, and seemed to be too flustered to ask why we were all gathered outside his room.  "You guys need me for something?"

 

"Axel," Roxas started to say, "Saix was--"

 

"I want you to read a book," I interrupted firmly.  "It's three hundred pages, but I'm sure you can manage it; we can discuss it afterward and brainstorm ideas for analysis essays."

 

"Ew, are you _crazy_?  I'm not gonna read three freaking hundred pages!"

 

"Your loss."  Relieved, I made my escape.

 

"What's up with him?" I could hear him asking behind me.

 

"He was looking in your sock drawer, Axel."

 

"For what, my diary?"

 

I went downstairs, told Father I was going for a walk, and called Gippal when I was far enough away from the house, which was a rather awkward conversation considering our convoluted relationship and the small number of times I'd actually interacted with him.  He did, however, agree to my proposal, which was a relief.  At least the first phase of my plans had been completed well enough....

 

[The next day, Axel caught me during a passing period and said, "Oh, by the way, turns out I'm doing something with Gippal and the guys after school today - you mind picking up the kids all by yourself?"

 

"I am perfectly capable of completing the task without you," I said as haughtily as I could.

 

He stared.  "What's with the relief?"

 

"Pardon?"

 

" _Relief anxiety impatience nervousness_ \--  What's up with you today?"

 

"Nothing.  Get going before you're late to class."  I swept past him and continued on, mentally cursing that uncanny ability to read my mind that all three of my siblings had seemed to develop.  It was bad enough when only Xion did it, but now that these new stepbrothers of mine could practically see my thoughts as well....]

 

_*temporarily incomplete*_

 

Author's Notes:  LOL MOST PEOPLE DON'T GO TO SCHOOL DURING THEIR SUMMER VACATIONS, R.GIRL. XD *headdeskdeskdesk*  I'll fix it later.... DX

 

Meant to post this a lot earlier today, but kept getting distracted by trolls in another fandom. *ahem*  Anyway, I originally wrote this partial draft last year, for Saix/Axel Day 2012, but I failed to finish it in time.  When a whole year rolled around and I realized I had a chance to try again, I wanted to finish it before 8 July 2013 - and ended up not even progressing at all. orz  I really don't want to wait _yet another_ year, so I'm just gonna post what I have today and hopefully finish it soon.  ...Hopefully.

 

And I know my explanation in the Isa/Saix Day fic was super-confusing....  Basically, there'll be no way for you guys on FFN to know when I update this story with the completed version unless you keep checking it, which is a bit tiresome.  So I put a note in my LiveJournal that this fic is incomplete, and you can check that instead, since I think it will be easier.  (It's in the Pairing Days section of my "home base.")


	25. The Scent of Vanilla {Axel}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**The Scent of Vanilla (rough draft)**

 

Summary:  There's more than one reason why Saïx doesn't like Halloween.

 

A/N:  Axel's POV.

 

o.o.o

 

Saïx has been gloomy this week - well, gloomier than usual.  I wouldn't really think much of it (for all I know, he hates the approaching Halloween as much as he hates Christmas), except that every time Xion sees him, her face kind of falls and she gets gloomy, too.  "What's up with you, man?" I demand one night, after the kids are in bed.

 

Saïx puts a hand to his head like he's really tired, but doesn't stop taking notes on the science textbook he's trying to read.  "Nothing.  Go away."

 

He should _know_ by now that that never works.  I plant a hand right on the page to steady myself and kind of lean down and around him to look at his eyes.  Unfortunately, by that time _annoyance_ is kind of drowning out anything useful.  "Get away from me."

 

"Is Halloween depressing you?" I try.

 

 _pain sorrow grief fear anger ANNOYANCE_   "I am not joking, Axel.  Leave me _alone_."

 

"You know you're making Xion depressed, too, right?"

 

"Good.  She should be at this time of year."

 

I grab him by the collar.  "That's _enough_.  Whatever crap you've been emoing over, you leave Xion out of it, you hear me?"

 

He slowly reaches up to my hand, though he can't disentangle my fingers from his shirt with that lame half-hearted effort.  "...You're right...it's better that she be able to move on."

 

"Move on from _what_?"

 

He suddenly raises his head and blasts me with more _ANNOYANCE_ and some _defiance_.  "All the imagery from this time of year bothers me.  However, if you like, I will endeavor to get Xion excited about death, violence, and the dark arts, just like the rest of the population who's been brainwashed by consumerism."

 

"Oh, _forget_ it.  Study 'til your brains start leaking out of your nose."

 

The next day after school, I see Xion doing her EXCITED-TO-SEE-BIG-BROTHERS-oh-wait-Saix-is-being-emo-so-I-have-to-be-too act again, and I'm fed up.  "Hey, Xi!" I say brightly.  "Tomorrow's Saturday.  What do you say I take you and Roxas to Pizza Planet?"

 

"YEAH!" Roxas cheers immediately, pumping his fist in the air.

 

Xion's face lights up for, like, one second, then falls again.  She didn't even glance at Saïx, either.  Maybe she could feel his doomgaze through the back of her head or something.  "Sorry, Axel," she says in her Polite Mode voice, "I can't."

 

" _Why not???_ " Roxas bursts out in dismay.  She pats his head like she's a wise old crone and he's a naive little child, and he bats her hand away in annoyance.

 

"Tomorrow is Black Day.  We can't do anything fun, it's disrespectful."

 

"Whaaaaat?" Roxas cries.  I pick him up - this time, I'm the one who feels unsafe without him close.

 

"Well," Xion says thoughtfully, "you and Axel can have fun.  Just not us."

 

"Who's _us_?" I say harshly.

 

Roxas sounds like he's about to cry.  "Can we go to Pizza Planet _next_ weekend?"

 

Xion's face lights up again.  "Yeah!"  Then she whirls to Saïx, looking anxious.  "We can, Saïx, right?"

 

"Yes," he says shortly.

 

Xion smiles, then reaches up to Roxas, and he reaches desperately back down to her, and they're so friggin' cute even despite all the weirdness that I let him go.  He stands there so that she can hug him and puts his chin on her shoulder, tears still standing in his eyes.  "You're not going away, right, Xion?"

 

"Just for Black Day.  Then we'll come back and go to Pizza Planet."

 

"Okay."

 

"What's 'Black Day'?" I ask Saïx pointedly.  "Is that where you all congregate and initiate new recruits into your ranks of the undead?"

 

It was meant as a bitter joke, but I'm not prepared for Saïx's reaction.  His wordless _shock hate anger pain betrayal fury_ seems to burn me.  "Sai," I gasp, struggling to hold my ground, "it was a _joke_."

 

"It wasn't funny," he says coldly. _anger smugness pain grief desperation_

 

"Okay, okay, it wasn't funny!"

 

Saïx turns away, taking Xion's hand and tugging her to walk ahead of us.  "Come on, Xion."

 

Saïx and I ignore each other like little kids all the way home, though Roxas and Xion seem happy enough amusing each other. As soon as we reach the house, I call Demyx, who's pretty exasperated when I show up later with my six-year-old brother in tow, but he doesn't protest for long.  We and Gippal and Zidane and their girlfriends go see a movie (a Disney one because of Roxas, though the girls seem to like it and the guys don't mind much), then hang out at an arcade 'til we get kicked out.

 

Roxas crashes long before we get home again, and I'm so tired I don't even bother moving to my own bed after tucking him in, just stretch out next to him and fall asleep almost before my head hits the pillow.

 

Roxas wakes me up the next morning.  "Axel, no one will play with me."

 

"Watch cartoons," I mumble, trying to roll over and go back to sleep.

 

"...No one will play with me."  And he starts to cry.

 

I have TOTALLY BEEN ONTO HIM since, like, ages ago, but...doesn't matter.  Can't resist even when I know full well they're crocodile tears.

 

" _Fine_ , I'm up, I'm up."  Yawning, I trudge downstairs with Roxas happily dragging me by the hand, and blink muzzily at all the black figures clustered in the front hall.  "...Guys?"

 

"Amazing," Saïx says acidly, "you're conscious before noon on a Saturday.  I applaud your accomplishment."

 

"What are you all, in _mourning_?" I say in disgust, surveying the way they're all dressed head to toe in formal black outfits.

 

And then my stupid, stupid, _stupid_ brain catches up to me like a kick in the gut just when Xem says, "Yes."

 

"Today's Black Day," Xion says casually.  "We're going to see Mommy."

 

Again, I don't stop to think.  "We're coming, too."

 

"You're in your pajamas, and you have bed-hair," Saïx points out.

 

"No, I'm in the clothes I wore yesterday, and I can comb my hair in the car.  Just let me grab my shoes."

 

 _Why_ am I such an idiot?

 

"You," Xem says, very deliberately, "intend to visit my former wife's grave in _that_ attire?"

 

I wince.  "Xem...I'm sorry, I--  Look, just let me dig through my closet, I'll be ready as soon as I--"

 

"We're going to be late if we don't leave soon."

 

Late for what?  Is Saïx's dead mom on a strict timetable or something?

 

Xion's giving me this awful solemn gaze and I feel like _dirt_ , but then suddenly Saïx marches forward and grabs my arm and sweeps me and Roxas upstairs.  "We'll be back down soon," he calls to his father.

 

I'm squirming a little as Sai pulls stuff out of his closet (he didn't even bother looking through mine first).  He's way better stocked in formal suits than me.  His earrings are different today, too; usually he just wears little studs, but the ones he has on now are more noticeable.  "Sai--"

 

"Put those on.  I need to get some pins."

 

"Saïx--"

 

He's gone.

 

"Where are we going?" Roxas asks.

 

"We're....  You know how we go see Dad sometimes?"

 

Roxas's eyes light up.  "We're gonna see Dad?!"

 

"No," I say quickly (what is this, Stupid Axel Day?), "no, buddy.  Not today.  We're gonna see Sai and Xi's mom, though."

 

"Oh."

 

"It'll be like that."

 

"Can we see Dad, too?"

 

"I don't think so, kiddo.  I doubt they're in the same place."

 

He sighs.  "Okay."

 

Saïx comes back in.  "Take the jacket off," he says in exasperation, "I have to fix the shirt and pants first."

 

Definitely Stupid Axel Day.

 

I feel ridiculous, standing there as Saïx pins up the clothes so they don't sag pathetically.  "You need to eat more protein," he grumbles, "this cannot be healthy."

 

"Saïx, why didn't you just _tell_ me?"

 

"...."

 

I set my fingertips on his scars, since I know how much he hates that.  Probably not the most sensitive thing to do under the circumstances, but whatever.

 

He shakes me off.  _surprise anger grief irritation_   "We didn't think you'd be interested."

 

"You didn't think I'd be _interested_."

 

"Your mother wasn't," he grumbles.

 

I grab his jacket and shove him against the wall almost by reflex, wincing as an unsecured pin stabs into my side.  "I am _not_ my _mother_.  And neither is Roxas."

 

"I'm not Mom," Roxas echoes anxiously.

 

 _shame sheepishness sulkiness pain hope_   "...So I see."

 

There's an awkward pause.

 

"Wallshove!" Roxas suddenly yells, diving at Saïx's knees; I quickly catch him before he can make contact.

 

"Whoa!  Hold on, kiddo, it's not nice to shove people."

 

"That's _right_ , Axel," Saïx says snidely, "it's not nice to shove people."

 

"Yeah, well...."  As I'm trying to fix my latest Big Brother Fail, Saïx reaches to pin me up again.

 

"...Sai, has anyone ever told you that you're way too good at this kind of thing?  It's a little creepy."

 

"...."

 

After I'm ready and Saïx dresses Roxas in the same outfit he wore to the wedding (it's too small for him...), we go back downstairs and get fried by Xem's doomgaze as Xion obliviously keeps watching cartoons in the living room.

 

"We're...ready...now...let's...get...going," I gasp out, with Roxas wrapped tightly in my arms and sobbing into my chest as Saïx grips my shoulder hard enough to bruise.

 

"Very well," Xem says at last, and Saïx frantically hisses lame jokes from the kids' Knock-Knock phase into my ear until I'm finally able to follow Xem to the car without bawling like Roxas.

 

"Sometimes I _hate_ your dad," I rage to Saïx in a whisper.

 

"I can't...argue with you," he mumbles helplessly.

 

"I like you, though."  It's true.  Grumpy and annoying as he is, he's actually been helping us a lot this morning.

 

Startled, he meets my grateful smile for a second before blushing a little and turning away.

 

The ride there is awkward.  I don't want to talk with Xem around, Saïx is uselessly silent, Roxas is still too traumatized from the doomgaze to do more than cling to me, and Xion's anxious pestering doesn't last long before Xem tells her to be quiet.  Saïx finally turns on the radio to some boring news station just to fill the silence.

 

It's the most doleful grave visit ever.  Visiting Dad almost gets fun, the way we goof around; but visiting Kay Heartilly Acerbi feels like...the opposite...of that.  Especially with Xem's name and birth year on the second half of the tombstone, just waiting for the year of his death to be filled in.  It's also pretty awkward, considering he's married to someone else now.

 

"We come to pay our respects, madam," Xem intones, with the rest of us lined up behind him like the kids in _The Sound of Music_.  "You are always kept in our hearts, and on this day we honor your memory."  He kneels and sets a bouquet in the metal vase beneath her name.  "You are close to me still," he murmurs.  "I beg your forgiveness and your blessing once more."

 

He rises again and stands aside.

 

Saïx, looking very Not Happy, then kneels and says more of the same sort of stuff, adding an iris to the vase.  Then it's Xion's turn; she trots up with her lily, trips, gets caught by Saïx before she can fall flat on her face, stares at the broken flower stem in dismay, then smiles when Saïx takes it from her and sets it in the vase anyway, so carefully that it doesn't seem disrespectful.  "I love you, Mommy," she says.  "I hope you're happy on the moon."

 

Saïx winces a little, Xem's face goes stony, and I have a _really_ hard time trying not to laugh.

 

"We brought Axel and Roxas this time!  You _have_ to meet them, I _love_ them."

 

"Xion," Xem says, and she quickly backs away again and takes Saïx's hand.

 

There's a pause.  Apparently Stupid Axel Day is a shared holiday with Awkward Day.  Xem and Saïx look at each other, and I _swear_ they're doing Magic Golden Eye Telepathy or something.  Then, just when I'm afraid that I really will have to kneel down and come up with some coherent graveside babble to a woman I've never met and kind of hate, Xem nods at us and walks away.

 

The atmosphere suddenly _lifts_.  There's this sweet smell I hadn't noticed before, like one of the candles Mom sometimes burns when company comes.  Like cookies or something - vanilla, that's it.

 

"Father will come back to pick us up later," Saïx says.

 

"Roxas!"  Xion excitedly grabs his arm and tries to drag him over.

 

He panics and clings tighter to me.  "No!"

 

"But you have to meet Mommy," Xion protests.

 

Roxas bursts into the tears he hasn't been far from all this time, and they're not crocodile ones now.

 

"Roxas."  Saïx glances at me for permission - it's wrong that he feels like he has to ask, and worse that I would have resented it if he hadn't - and reaches down.  He disengages Roxas's grip with a gentleness I'm not used to seeing from him, so that I don't feel any need to protest.

 

"Axel," Roxas pleads, though he doesn't resist as Saïx draws him closer to the grave.

 

"I'm here, Rox," I say, moving up alongside them.

 

Xion grabs my hand and swings it.  "Mommy, this is Axel," she says.  "He's my new big brother, so he can help Saïx.  He's really brave and strong, and cool and smart and funny and--"

 

"Oh, stop, Xi, you're makin' me blush," I drawl.  I'm kind of blushing for real, actually.

 

She giggles.  "He's good.  You'll like him.  And this is Roxas."  She reaches for Roxas again, but he jerks away and grips Saïx's arms more tightly around himself.

 

"Roxas is our new younger brother," Saïx says quietly.  "He and Xion enjoy each other's company quite a lot.  He is also growing up to be very brave and strong, and we are proud of him."

 

Roxas's mouth drops open.  I think I might be a little slack-jawed, too.  "Really?" Roxas gasps.

 

"Yes."

 

Roxas smiles a little and finally relaxes, draping his arms comfortably over Saïx's.  Saïx, I will love you forever.  "Hi, Xion's mom," Roxas says.

 

"Her name is Kay," says Saïx, and Xion points to the letters on the headstone.

 

"Hi, Kay," I say.  "Gotta say, can't fault you for your kids.  They're awesome."  Xion giggles, and Saïx lowers his head so that his hair hides his face.

 

Xion gives me a tiger lily and Roxas a tulip.  "Give them to Mommy," she instructs.

 

I twirl the flower in my hands.  "I'm wondering," I say conversationally, "why Kay Heartilly Acerbi should get any flowers from me."

 

"Because you love her," Xion says in surprise.

 

"Sorry, Xi," I say, trying to be gentle about it, "I kind of don't."

 

She stares at me with wide eyes.

 

"Perhaps," Saïx says in a very low voice, "you could give her one because _I_ love her."

 

"Why?" I burst out.  "After everything she did to you, _why_?"

 

Roxas and Xion both look at me like I'm crazy.

 

"Because she's our mommy."

 

"Because she's their mom, duh."

 

Saïx doesn't say anything.

 

I guess...they do have a point.  My own mom and I aren't exactly on the best terms, but...I can't say that I actually hate her.  Sometimes... _sometimes_...I even think I may like her a lot.  Just sometimes.  And if she were the one in the ground instead of Kay, I'd...I guess I'd definitely be giving her flowers, too.  *sigh*

 

Xion's starting to look upset, so I finally stick the tiger lily in the vase just so she won't cry or something.  Roxas wriggles free and goes over to add his flower to the rest, then comes to plop back into Saïx's lap.  I'm a little jealous, though not as much when Xion comes to cuddle with me.  "Saïx," she says, "tell us about Mommy."

 

Saïx is quiet for a very long time.

 

I finally prompt, "Did she do anything _besides_ drive cars--" into walls, intentionally, with her seven-year-old kid in the passenger seat, "--or make you get glasses--" that he should never have needed, "--or give birth to awesome kids?"

 

Saïx's jaw tightens.  I can't see his eyes, and I'm kind of...glad I can't.

 

"She rode Ferris wheels, too," Xion offers.

 

"She did," Saïx mumbles.

 

"All by herself?" Roxas says dubiously.

 

"No...we went together."

 

"Now me and Saïx go together," Xion says.  "Next time it has to be all four of us - we keep forgetting to do it!  Next time we all have to ride the Ferris wheel, okay?"

 

Saïx sighs quietly.

 

"You and Ferris wheels," I muse.  "Why do you like them so much, Xi?"  She usually goes for the super-exciting roller coasters and stuff that she's not actually big enough to ride yet.

 

"We talk to Mommy on the moon."

 

"Xion," Saïx says in a pained voice, but doesn't explain.

 

They've got my interest, though.  "So your mom's hanging out on the moon?" I ask teasingly.  "How is it up there?"

 

 _annoyance shame anxiety_   "It's just a conversation Xion and I had once.  Of course she's not actually there."

 

"We like having her there, though, instead of in here where she hurts Saïx."  Xion sets a hand over her brother's heart, and he stares at her.

 

"What?" he says faintly.

 

"My mommy's nicer than your mommy," Roxas tells him.  "She'll make you feel better."

 

Saïx looks at him for a long time.  I can't see his eyes again, but I'm pretty sure I know what he's thinking, since I'm thinking the same thing.  Mom is a different mom to me than she is to Roxas.

 

Saïx finally takes a deep breath.  "She liked flowers," he finally says, and the way he's Not Looking at me seems almost determined.  Maybe I shouldn't tease him so much if it makes him not trust me like this....  "Real ones, not wildflowers; that's how I learned how to buy things from a store when I was still small.  For her birthday and for Mother's Day, or when she was particularly--"  He pauses.  "...Or sometimes just when I felt like it, I would borrow some money from Father and go to the flower shop to buy some for her."

 

Hmmm.  "You guys didn't live close to any stores," I say.

 

"I got used to the walk," he mutters, and I suddenly get a mental image of him as a little kid, walking all that way and then sitting all alone in a bus seat clutching a bunch of flowers.  It'd be kind of funny, except that the little boy I'm seeing in my head looks anxious and lonely.

 

"Mommy liked the flowers you gave her, right?" Xion asks eagerly.

 

"Yes.  Most of the time...."  He shakes his head.  "Yes, she did.  She would call me her--"  Color is creeping into his cheeks.  "She called me her baby and told me I was perfect, though of course I'm not, that's just something mothers say to their children sometimes.  She would set the bouquet in a window and wear a sprig of it in her hair, and....  Well, she was beautiful."

 

"See," Xion tells Roxas smugly, as if they'd had some sort of bet going on.  He sticks out his tongue at her.

 

"Her favorite was vanilla," Saïx murmurs.  "Not for the blossom itself, but for the scent."

 

"Vanilla," I say suddenly.  "This smell--  Did you guys plant some here or something?"

 

Saïx's brow furrows.  "No."  _apprehension shyness wonder confusion_   "I'm not sure why the scent is here so often, actually.  It's almost like...."  He never finishes the sentence.

 

"I think Mommy's happy whenever that happens," Xion muses.  "She likes when we come to visit her."

 

"Dad likes when we visit, too," Roxas says.

 

Xion's eyes light up.  "Can we go see your dad next?  I want to meet him!"

 

"He's in a different cemetery," I say.  "I don't know if Xem'll take us there."

 

 _resentment determination compassion_   "I would like to meet your father," Saïx says.  "I'll arrange it, don't worry."

 

"Yay!" Xion crows.  "I bet your dad's really nice, Roxas."

 

"He is," Roxas says proudly, even though he barely remembers Dad.

 

He's still right, though.  Ven really was nice, _even more_ than Aunt Aqua and Uncle Terra, if that's possible.  He somehow managed to bring out the best in Mom, and I know she loved him in a way I've never seen her love anyone else.  He accepted me so quickly when most men wouldn't have wanted anything to do with Mom once they found out about me.  He was more of a father to me than the creep whose genes I actually have.  I know he'd _adore_ Xion, and I bet he would have figured out Saïx's doomgaze on the first or second try, way sooner than I did.  I wish...I wish _so much_ that he was still here...but then--  But then I would never have met Xion and Saïx, and...I...I don't know what to think.  It's not fair.

 

I suddenly realize that Saïx has been watching me.  "What?"

 

"...You loved him a lot, didn't you," he says quietly.

 

I squirm a little, but no way I'm going to deny it.  "Yeah."

 

"We should bring flowers for him...."

 

"Man, he won't care.  As long as we get to hang out, it's all cool, right?"

 

"We need snacks, though," Roxas insists.  "We can't go see Dad without snacks, that's mean."

 

I laugh.  "Dad won't care about snacks either, Rox-my-socks.  As long as he gets to see you, that's the most important thing."

 

"Me and you and Xion and Saïx, right?"

 

"Yeah," I agree.  "Me and you and Xion and Saïx."

 

"I like doing things all together," Xion decides.  "Let's not do anything not together ever again."

 

I burst into laughter as Saïx gives her a Look.  "So from now on we're all gonna take showers together and go to school together and watch _My Little Pony_ together?" I tease.

 

"Absolutely not," Saïx says forcefully, at the same time Xion's eyes widen and she's like, "Well, maybe not _everything_...."

 

Teasing and exaggeration aside, I get the sentiment.  And I agree.

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  Credit to Taliax for the vanilla scent - she had Kingdom Hearts smell like that to Riku in one of her challenge drabbles, so I used it here in this fic where KH is personified. ^^  I tried to reserve it for the more pleasant parts, I didn't want the scent to get ruined for Saïx because of bad memories.

 

Ftr, Rinoa is Kay's younger sister in this universe.

 

BY THE WAY, this fic was the original let's-take-little-kids-to-Pizza-Planet story.  I accidentally let that slip into fics that I wrote later but which were posted earlier. *sigh*  I need to quit doing that.


	26. Marked Flesh {Axel & Saix}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Marked Flesh (rough draft)**

 

Summary:  Van & Saïx were rather young to be taking a trip to the tattoo parlor.... Direct sequel to _The Scent of Vanilla_.

 

A/N:  Flashbacks in young Saïx's POV, the rest of it in teenage Axel's.  Dang it, even little Roxas & Xion weren't able to haul this one into standard cuteness levels...THANKS A LOT, Van. X(

 

o.o.o

 

_I don't like it here it's dark and the pictures on the walls are scary hold tight to Mother but Mother's dragging me farther in Uncle Xigbar's laughing stop laughing stop laughing stop laughing it isn't funny Van I HATE YOU this is all your fault...._

o.o.o

 

After a while, I look up and realize there's a figure coming toward us who isn't my stepfather.  Behind him in the road, there's a couple of black cars pulled up next to ours, and Xigbar's leaning against one of them, talking to Xem.

 

"Vani!" Xion cries.  Sometimes I really can't tell whether she's actually glad to see him or not, she's so good at sounding uber-excited.

 

"C'mere," he says, holding out his arms.

 

She hesitates for just a second, squeezing my hand a little, but before I can tighten my grip, she breaks free and runs to Van and lets him wrap her in his arms.  He's got a bouquet in one hand.  It should be really weird to see Van Acerbi carrying flowers, but for some reason, it isn't.

 

"Did you come to see Mommy?" she asks.

 

"Heck no, I came to see _my_ mom!"

 

"Can I come, too?"

 

"Just you," he says, and looks at the rest of us for the first time with a glare.

 

I can't help shivering.  I hate this guy too much, I will never be able to unlock his doomgaze.  He always makes me appreciate Saïx about fifty times more than usual - unlike his cousin, Van has no redeeming qualities whatsoever, and he's _not fun at all_.  The only reason I haven't gotten into more fights with him is because Xion acts like she likes him so much (and for all I know, she does.  She's one of the very few people _he_ likes, that's for sure).  Roxas has moved behind me and is keeping a wary eye on Van as he grips my jacket in both hands.  I set a hand on his hair in a vague soothing gesture.

 

"As if I'd ever leave Xion alone with you for an instant," Saïx says shortly.  Way to go, man.  It bugs me that Van can get to him sometimes - that's supposed to be my job, - but at least Sai has way better chances of taking on Van than I do.  I don't envy these crazies their doomgazes most of the time, but every once in a while, I can...see how they come in handy....

 

"I can do what I want with my own cousin," Van says defiantly.

 

"Um, actually, no," I tell him pointedly.  He really creeps me out sometimes.

 

"Vani," Xion says, making puppy eyes at him, "pleeeeaaase, please please let Saïx and Axel and Roxas come, too?"

 

"Axel, I don't wanna go," Roxas hisses at me in a frantic whisper.

 

He's getting a little big to be picked up, but I pat his head.  "It'll be okay, buddy."

 

"Xi," Van says in that playful tone he takes on when he's trying to wheedle his way out of being puppy-eyed, "I reeeaaallly don't like your stupid brothers bugging my mom."

 

"But Aunt Bianca likes them," she says persuasively.

 

"No, she doesn't."

 

"Yes, she does."

 

"How do _you_ know?"

 

"How do _you_?"

 

"Because _I_ don't like them."

 

"But you don't like _anyone_."

 

"I like _you_ ," he says.  "I love you.  I love you to death."

 

"I love you too, Vani.  Please let everyone come, please?"

 

He stares at her for a while, and I swear he _likes_ getting turned into mush.  Finally he mutters, "Whatever."

 

"Yay!  I love you, Vani!"

 

He gets up, and as they're walking along with Xion swinging their clasped hands, he's looking over at us trying to doomgaze Roxas just for the fun of it.  Before I can even say a word, Saïx moves between us and he and Van have this silent stare-battle over Xion's head as she chatters about how pretty all the cemetery flowers are.  Sometimes I'm really glad she can be so oblivious.  Sometimes I'm even gladder that Saïx is my brother.  Stuff like this way more than makes up for the times when he can be a pain.

 

"Vani, Sai-Sai, stop fighting," Xion orders.  Maybe not so oblivious.

 

"Tell him to quit terrorizing your younger brother, then," Saïx growls.

 

Xion looks over at Roxas, who's clinging to me and glaring at them both, then frowns at her cousin.  "Vani."

 

"I was just playing."

 

"I told you, I don't _like_ it when you hurt people."

 

"I can't help iiiit...."

 

"You have to."

 

"Don't wanna."

 

She stops and tries to pull her hand out of his.  "You have to try, or I won't like you anymore."

 

He grips her hand tighter.  "Okay, fine, I'll stop!"

 

"Promise?"

 

"For you, Xi, anything."

 

"Be nice to everyone forever."

 

"You're trying to kill me, aren't you."

 

o.o.o

 

_The people here look scared of us the way everyone looks scared of us, but Uncle Xigbar and Van are using their eyes on them and they're too scared to kick us out.  I wish they'd kick us out.  The man grabs a clipboard and slams it on the counter and tells Uncle Xigbar and Mother to sign it._

_"Mother, please, don't sign it," I say, but she holds my face and tells me to be good so I'm more scared of her than I am of this place._

_She looks at the man and says, "He's allergic to silver."_

_"We usually do stainless steel."_

_"Saïx, don't be a wuss," Van says, and I can't say anything but I look at him and think,_ 'I hate you I hate you I hate you,' _as hard as I can.  All he does is laugh.  I hate him._

 

o.o.o

 

We're standing in front of another tombstone now, and I guess it's the one we're here for, because it says _Bianca Borgnino Acerbi_.  I hope this one wasn't a creep like Sai's mom, too.  But I guess that's too much to ask from this family Mom was stupid enough to marry into.  Is there a way to, like, cut Saïx and Xion loose and elope with them off somewhere where the rest of the yellow-eyed aliens can't bug us anymore?

 

Van hands half the flowers to Xion.  "Tell her you miss her."

 

"I miss you, Aunt Bianca," Xion says happily, even though the end date on the headstone is almost a year before Xion was even born.

 

"Van," Saïx says in a low voice.  "Let me have one.  Please."

 

"Sai," I hiss.  I _hate_ the thought of him bowing to his horrible cousin in any way.

 

Van grins in that evil way of his and says, "Ooooh, does Sai-Sai want a flower?  Well, _unfortunately_ my mom would sooner spit at you than take anything from you, so SORRY, you're out of luck."

 

Saïx doesn't say anything, the moron.

 

"Sounds like someone really wants to get punched," I remark.

 

"Do it, Axel," I hear Roxas whisper.

 

Xion is glaring at all of us.  "Vani."

 

Saïx draws in a deep breath.  His face is completely blank and his tone is wooden when he says "Please," but his eyes are spilling _frustration hatred desperation humiliation anger shame pain_.

 

"Give him a freaking flower," I say, and the hand I'm not holding Roxas with is clenched into a fist.  If Rox and Xi weren't here, I'd be saying stuff a bit stronger than 'freaking.'

 

"Don't have to," Van says gleefully, "unless Xion makes me.  Which she won't, because she's nice."

 

Xion starts to open her mouth, but Saïx says again, "Please."  _fury desperation frustration anger_

 

"Why should I?" Van sings.

 

"Because I loved your mother more than I did my own," Saïx says, still in that complete monotone.

 

None of us says anything for what feels like ages.

 

Van finally holds out a flower and says in this low, tight voice, "Mom hated you."

 

Saïx grasps the flower above where Van is clenching it tight in his fist and says quietly, "If you don't hand it to me, I'm going to rip the stem."

 

"And then I'll kill you," Van says conversationally.

 

Xion starts to cry, and Van suddenly shoves all the flowers he's holding at Saïx and flings himself to his knees to hug her.  "Don't cry, don't cry, baby girl, I was just kidding, I love you, I love all your stupid brothers _so much_ , so don't...."

 

She throws her arms around his neck and sobs, "Why do you have to be so mean?"

 

"I don't know," he says, and to my absolute shock, I realize that he's crying a little, too.

 

Ignoring them, Saïx moves closer to the tombstone and sets only one flower in the vase; then he stands there and gazes at his aunt's memorial for a while.  I sit down and just hold Roxas, who's whispering in my ear, "Axel, I'd rather visit Dad," and I say, "Couldn't agree with you more."

 

Van finally gets hold of himself and marches over and rips the rest of the flowers out of Saïx's hand.  Saïx backs off and puts his arms around Xion as they watch Van add his flowers to the rest.

 

"Hi, Mom," Van says.  "Sorry I had to drag these idiots along, Xion insisted."

 

"Hi, Aunt Bianca," Xion says.  "I wanted you to meet Axel and Roxas, but Vani's being kind of mean so maybe we should come back later."

 

I jump when Xigbar seems to materialize out of nowhere, stepping up behind the tombstone and resting his arms on the top of it.  "Long time no see, hon.  Don't mind the kids, they were just leaving."  His voice is perfectly casual and he's not even really looking at us, but I guess that's our cue.  I get back to my feet and take Roxas's hand again.  Saïx protectively herds Xion to his far side as he comes to join us; Van glances after her a little longingly, but then looks at his father again and doesn't say a word.

 

o.o.o

 

 _They're leading us to the back,_ please _Mother but she's pulling me and won't let me go.  "Please, Mother, I don't want to do this."_

_"Hush, darling, you'll be fine."_

_"Which one first?" the man growls, and he sounds mad but I think he's scared._

_"Me!" Van yells.  "Me first!"  He runs and sits on the bench and pulls up his sleeve and says, "I want it right here."_

_I'm holding Mother too tight, she pulls on my arm and finally says, "Saïx, let go," and she sounds mad, so finally I let go and go to Uncle Xigbar instead._

_He's watching Van and smiling, there's something wrong with his eyes because he drank too much of that stuff that burns your tongue, but he lets me hold his coat and puts his arm around me.  "Uncle Xigbar, please.  I don't want to do this.  Please don't make me."_

_"You'll be fine, Sai," he says, and he doesn't sound mad like Mother but he's not going to let me go, either.  I HATE Van, this is all his stupid fault._

 

o.o.o

 

We pass Kay's grave again on the way back.  Xem is kneeling beside it with his head bowed and one hand resting on the stone, that long hair of his untied now so that it covers his face.  Saïx doesn't even glance in that direction, but Xion watches as we pass and says softly, "I _knew_ he missed her more than that."

 

"It's not a crime to cry in front of your kids, Xem," I mutter under my breath.

 

"The day I ever witness Father's tears is the day Van and I enjoy each other's company," Saïx says flatly.

 

I grin at him.  "Also the same day when Xion stops being cute and I can actually tell Roxas no."

 

"Axel, you can't tell me no," Roxas says.

 

"Exactly."

 

"I'm cute, aren't I, Axel?" Xion says anxiously.

 

"Exactly."

 

"Saïx," Xion whines, "I don't get it," and Roxas says, "Don't be confusing."

 

"It's a joke just for elder brothers," Saïx says with a straight face.

 

"Ohhhh."

 

"Okay."

 

I love my siblings.  Kinda wish most of the rest of my family would go jump off a cliff sometimes, but I love my brothers and sister to pieces.

 

We hang out by the cars for a while, Saïx leaning against one being emo while I keep tossing stuff like the crumpled bouquet wrappers out into the grass.  The kids are fetching them and bringing them back to me exactly like puppies, it's _hilarious_.  "Roxas, go long," I call, hurling the bouquet-ball particularly hard.  He rushes after it, yelling that he's gonna get there before Xion, but they reach it at the same time and fight for it and end up wrestling.  "They are cracking me _up_ ," I laugh.  Saïx has absolutely no reaction.  "YO, SAI, I'M TALKING TO YOU."

 

"I'm not in the mood," he mutters.

 

"You're never in the mood.  C'mon, Sai, I'ma throw this stick, go fetch it!"

 

He glares at me, which would be a lot more intimidating if his expression wasn't so weirdly listless.  _annoyance grief depression_

 

"Man, next time we visit your mom, we are _totally_ leaving the rest of your family behind, this is a drag."

 

o.o.o

 

 _Van doesn't cry or yell or say anything, but his face is all tight and he can't look at the arm they're hurting.  He's staring at the bench on the other side and suddenly I realize the bench is turning black where he's staring at it, no no no no it hurts it hurts it'll hurt so bad_ please _I don't want to do this, I don't want to do this, Mother_ please _...._

_Sometimes she gets nicer when I cry.  I go back to her and let myself cry and say, "Mother, please."_

_She looks at me and smiles.  "Don't worry, darling, you're only going to get pierced, it won't hurt as much."_

_They're going to hurt me...they're going to hurt me and she doesn't mind, she_ wants _them to...._

_I'm crying for real now and I hug her, and she hugs me back and makes hushing noises and strokes my hair, but she's not going to let me go._ 'Help me be strong.' _No one here is listening, maybe somebody else will._

 

o.o.o

 

When everyone gets back, I find out that apparently we've decided to have lunch together.  Xem and Xigbar are driving themselves, but the rest of us can't agree on transportation.

 

"Come on, Xion," Van says, grabbing her hand and trying to walk off with her to his car.

 

She drags back uncertainly.  "Wait."

 

"Xion is coming with us," Saïx snaps, striding over to try to get her away.  Van's not letting go, though, and I wince.  Xion looks miserable.

 

"She's coming with _me_ ," Van snarls.

 

"Vani...."

 

"You should know full well by now that I am never going to let my sister be anywhere alone with you."

 

"Butt out, freak!"

 

As if he's one to talk, ugh.

 

"How about _all_ of us rides with you, Vani?" Xion asks hopefully.

 

"No way!  ....  They won't even all fit in my car, Xi."

 

Xem's looking really impatient, and Xigbar's started whistling the "time's running out" ditty from a popular game show.

 

"Axel, steal Van's car," Roxas urges me in a whisper.

 

Saïx ends up going with Van and Xi to keep an eye on them, which I guess is for the best.  I've only known them for a year or two, but the three of them grew up together - hopefully they can handle things without...I dunno.  Getting killed.  Which actually might be less of an exaggeration than it should be with this family of freaks, but Xem's already pulling out of the cemetery and it's too late to change my mind and leap out of the car.  My siblings had better avoid imminent doom or I'll throttle them.

 

I sigh unhappily.  Xem glances at me in the rearview mirror and doesn't say anything.  Roxas leans his head against my arm like he's tired, because he knows by now that Xem won't let him lie down while he's driving.  The silence stretches out.

 

o.o.o

 

_They're finished, Van's laughing and he shows Uncle Xigbar, Uncle Xigbar laughs too and says, "Heh, you're a regular gangster now, aren'tcha."_

_"Dad, you're the_ best _," Van says happily, then he turns and looks straight at me with this horrible evil smile and says, "Your turn, wuss."_

_I want to run.  I can't let go of Mother; they make me sit down and she kneels in front of me, smiling.  I'm holding her hands tight, I can't let go.  "Please, Mother," I whisper again._

_"It'll be all right, darling."_

 

o.o.o

 

"You should have sat in the passenger seat," Xem finally says.

 

"Didn't wanna leave my little bro all alone in the back."

 

"Axel, stay," Roxas mumbles into my sleeve.  I pat his knee reassuringly.

 

"He is getting too old for you to keep coddling him the way you do."

 

Coddling?  Sometimes these guys sound like they somehow wandered into real life out of my literature homework.  "D'aww, are you lonely up there all by yourself, Xem?"

 

"Axel--"

 

"I can sing if it'll make you feel better.  _When you walk away, you don't hear me say, 'Pleeeeeaaaase, oh baby--'_ "

 

"STOP."

 

Xem can be fun sometimes.  Not as fun as Saïx, but a little bit.

 

" _Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight_ ," Roxas continues softly.  " _It's hard to let you go_...."

 

My little brother is only six, but he could win contests.  Both my other siblings could, too, actually; I'm the only one who gets side-eyed in church during the hymns, heh.

 

"...It just looks odd, having you in the back when you're an adult and the passenger seat is open," Xem grumbles.

 

He's such a stickler for rules, even unofficial ones.  It would be funny if I didn't have to live with it.  "Oh, so _now_ I'm an adult?"

 

He glares, though without the doomgazing this time.  "I only--"

 

"Does this mean you'll quit scaring off my dates, or holding my hand when we cross the street?"

 

"I _do not_ hold your han--"

 

"Wish I'd known all it took to be a grown-up was to sit next to you, maybe I'd've done it sooner...."

 

" _Axel_."

 

"Heh, you sound just like Saïx when you do that."

 

"Be quiet."

 

He's not insisting that I leave Roxas anymore, so I figure that I win.  "By the way, we're gonna go visit Dad's grave later, hope you don't mind."

 

When we get to the restaurant, Sai and Van are having this big argument as they get out of the car.  About dogs, apparently.

 

"That's because you're dumb!" Van yells.  "A German Shepherd could _eat your little rat for lunch_!"

 

"Call my dog a rat again and I will _hit you_."

 

Xion looks relieved to see me.  "Axel!"  She runs to me and we throw our arms around each other.  "My ears hurt."

 

"I can imagine."

 

o.o.o

 

 _"It's not gonna hurt," the man says, and he looks mad but I know he's scared, but I'm_ so much more scared _than him, why won't he let me go?  He picks up the--_

_NO NO NO NO NO, I'm crying so hard I can't see, it's going to hurt so much they're pinching my ear it's going to hurt so much in a minute, I don't want it close to me, no,_ no _, I don't care that Van's laughing I can't stand this I can't stand this I'll die if they keep going--_

_"Done."_

_"Heh, awesome," Uncle Xigbar says, his eyes are saying,_ "This is hilarious."

_"You're such a girl," Van says._

_Mother pulls one of her hands out of mine and pats my arm, she's smiling._

_"I can't," I try to say.  I can't do this anymore, I'm going to die._

_The man presses his hand over my eyes and says, "Breathe, kid.  Breathe deep."_

_I try, but I can't.  I feel sick._

_"I don't like you touching my son," Mother says._

_"You don't like anyone touching your son," Uncle Xigbar snorts._

_"He's hyperventilating."  The man still has his hand over my eyes and he says a bad word so I know I'm hurting him, but he puts my hand on his chest and says, "Breathe in deep," and he breathes in deep so I do, too._

 

o.o.o

 

Saïx and I are quick claiming seats, herding the kids between us.  Van tries to start a fight about not getting to sit next to Xion until both his dad and his uncle doomgaze him into submission, so he sits directly across from her instead.  This means I'm stuck with Xem on my other side, but whatever.

 

"Axel, I want chicken nuggets," Roxas says.

 

"Um...this isn't exactly McDonald's, but I'll see what I can do."

 

"You need to expand your tastes," Xem tells him; I _hate_ it when he does stuff like this.  "I want you to try the ghormeh sabzi."

 

"Ew, no," Roxas says immediately, even though he has no more clue what 'ghormeh sabzi' is than I do.

 

"You are to give it a chance."

 

"Xem, he's not going to eat it," I try to explain as calmly as I can.

 

"He will if he's not allowed to eat anything else."

 

"Xem, he's _not going to eat it_."  Roxas is stubborn, and would rather go hungry than eat whatever's trying to be shoved down his throat by someone he doesn't like.  "Chicken's healthy, it's filling, he doesn't _need_ to eat weird stuff."  And if Xem does the 'I am your father and can do whatever the heck I want to you worms' speech again, I swear I will DOOMGAZE BACK.

 

"Roxas," Saïx says tiredly, "just taste it, please, and if you don't like it, then you can have chicken afterwards."

 

Roxas considers this.  I think it was the 'please,' since Saïx almost never says that, especially when talking to the kids.  "What's it made of?"

 

Van says something that Xem doomgazes him for again.

 

"It is NOT, Vani," Xion says reproachfully.  "He's lying, Roxas.  It looks gross, but it tastes really good."

 

Roxas still wrinkles his nose in disgust.

 

Saïx finally stops emoing long enough to straighten up and go into Stealth Persuasion mode.  "It seems that I shall be disappointed.  I would have thought that you would be man enough by now to do something as trivial as _take a few bites_ of an unknown dish, but it looks as though you can't even manage that much."

 

Roxas seems to swell up like an angry cat.  "I can eat dishes!  Better than you!"  He grabs the little appetizer plate in front of him.

 

"No, Rox," I say, trying not to laugh as I dig it out of his hand before he can chomp on it, "he means the stuff that Xion says looks gross but tastes good.  A 'dish' as in a kind of food."

 

"Couldn't you have waited to tell him that?" Xigbar says wistfully, cheated of the chance to enjoy the sight of his nephew gnawing on a plate.

 

"I can eat gross stuff, too," Roxas says defiantly.

 

Just to make sure, I chip in with my own Stealth Persuasion.  "I dunno, Rox, maybe this is something you can't handle yet, let's wait 'til you're older...."

 

He practically stands up on his chair and yells, " _I'm going to eat it_!"

 

"Yes, all right, thank you, sit down," Saïx says in exasperation.  Xem's watching us all with this fed up look.  Come to think of it, how did _I_ get worked around to encouraging Roxas to 'expand his tastes' rather than defending him?

 

...The ghormeh sabzi stuff does look gross, especially to a six-year-old.  Roxas stares at it on his plate like it's rat poison.  I cover his eyes and tell him to pretend it's a hamburger.

 

"Xion," Saïx says, "give me a synopsis of your pony show, the episode you were watching last night."

 

Everyone kind of stares at him, except Xion, whose face lights up.  "Oh, that was when Applejack and Rarity had a slumber party at Twilight Sparkle's house because it's raining and they're all wet...."

 

"You watched _My Little Pony_ without me?" Van yells.

 

Yes.  He is a Brony.  Don't ask.

 

"But you've already seen that episode," Xion says.

 

Slowly, with my hand still over his eyes, Roxas sticks his spoon into the green stuff on his plate.  I help him get the food to his mouth rather than all over his face.

 

"I've seen _all_ the episodes!  _You've_ seen all the episodes!  I want to watch them again, _with you_."

 

"Axel," Roxas whimpers.

 

"Hamburger, Rox.  Hamburger."

 

"But it's _green_."

 

"You can't even see it.  Pretend."

 

Saïx glances at him.  "Who's Rarity again?"

 

Xem is staring at his son like he has gone insane.  Xigbar looks like he wants a bag of popcorn so as to better enjoy the show.

 

"Rarity is the white one with purple curly hair."

 

"The dressmaker, _stupid_ ," Van adds.

 

Roxas has eaten a couple of bites, and now pitches in, "She talks in the fancy voice and doesn't like icky stuff."

 

"I see."  _exasperation hope anxiety triumph worry_   He really is doing his best for Rox, even though I know how much he must hate this.  Best big brother ever.  Besides me, of course.  "And Twil...ight...Sp--  And the apple one, what does she do for a living?"

 

"Are you an idiot, _Apple_ jack sells friggin' APPLES."

 

"She has farm."

 

"She's got a granny with no teeth."  Roxas is eating pretty steadily now, nicely distracted by the ponies.

 

"You should watch with us so that you don't have to get all this info secondhand," I suggest.

 

Saïx makes an incoherent sound.  Heh, there are some lines he still won't cross, even for his beloved adorable siblings.

 

"Ew, no, I don't wanna watch _My Little Pony_ with _Saïx_ ," Van complains.

 

"Sometimes I want to disown you for watching a show called _My Little Pony_ at all," Xigbar says conversationally.

 

"Why are we talking about ponies?" Xem mutters under his breath.

 

Roxas suddenly throws my hand off his eyes and stares at his progress.  "I ate half of it.  I GET CHICKEN NOW."

 

"Great job, Rox," I tell him, and Saïx _smiles_.  I take out my phone and snap a picture.

 

"What was that for?" he says in annoyance.

 

"I wanted proof that the corners of your mouth are actually capable of turning up."

 

He glares.

 

"Caught him with those girly earrings too~" Van sing-songs, leaning over to look at my phone screen.

 

"They're not girly," Xion insists.  "They're man-earrings."

 

"Why _do_ you wear earrings, anyway?" I wonder.  "Seems kind of OOC for you...."

 

"I don't want to talk about it," Saïx mumbles, taking a big bite of food so he doesn't have to.

 

"I do not approve either," Xem says.  Great, I just allied myself with the wrong guy.  "I still do not understand why you insist on wearing them all these years after your mother's--"

 

"It's _my_ choice," Saïx growls, then nearly chokes on that big bite of food he hadn't finished chewing yet.

 

"Oh, _now_ it's your choice," Van says gleefully.  I get a bad feeling.  "Didn't seem that way back when you first got pierced."

 

o.o.o

 

_After a while I don't feel as sick.  But when he takes his hands away he's going to pick up that horrible thing again and hurt me with it...._

_He's going away now with Uncle Xigbar.  Van has a bandage on his arm where they hurt him, but he acts like he doesn't care about what they did.  He comes over to say more mean things to me, but now that his father is gone Mother turns to him and hisses, "Go AWAY."_

_He grins at her, and his eyes are saying,_ "We're gonna get you, we're gonna hurt you Aunt Kay because you can't stop us--"

_Mother picks up the needle and points it at his face, but he runs before she can touch him with it.  I'm a little afraid she's going to turn it to me, but she just puts it down again and pets my face and says, "Don't cry, darling, they look beautiful on you."_

 

o.o.o

 

"Good times," Xigbar says nostalgically.

 

"Nonsense," Xem says sharply.  "I still hold you accountable for that deplorable lapse in judgment, brother."

 

Xigbar laughs.  "Man, I got _drunk_ with _Kay_.  You're lucky Sai didn't come home with nipple rings and a Mohawk."

 

"Can we please not talk about this?" Saïx mumbles, as both the kids stare at him.

 

"You almost got a _Mohawk_?" Roxas says eagerly.  "Cool!"

 

"Big brother, what's a Mohawk?"

 

Xem ignores them.  "Frankly, I am astounded that you are not more concerned about the fact that your own son got his first tattoo at age ten, not to mention the fact that you've subsequently allowed him to further mutilate himself even before becoming a legal adult--"

 

"It's _art_ ," Van interrupts hotly, "and butt out, Xem!  It's _my_ body and I can do whatever the freak I want to it!"

 

"You were _ten_ ," Xem storms at him.

 

"Dad _let me_."

 

"He was _drunk_."

 

"So?"

 

Saïx looks miserable.  Xion looks anxious.  Roxas looks like he's enjoying this almost as much as Xigbar is.  "Axel, can I get a tattoo?"

 

" _No_ ," me and Xem thunder at the same time.

 

"But Saïx got a tattoo."

 

"I did _not_ get a tattoo," Saïx says firmly.  "That was Van."

 

"You got earrings, though."  Roxas reaches up to them, and Saïx pulls away, wincing even though Roxas hadn't even touched him.

 

"That was...not...my decision."

 

Oh, wonderful.  More Fun Times With The Acerbis.

 

o.o.o

 

_"Please don't let them hurt me," I whisper._

_She stares at me for a minute.  Then she suddenly smiles and touches my ears and says, "Oh, darling, they've already finished, didn't you know?"_

_What?  I touch my ears, there's metal in them.  They already hurt me.  They already hurt me, except it doesn't really hurt.  It doesn't feel good, but it didn't hurt the way I thought it would.  But...my ears now...it's not just my face anymore, now they're ruined forever, too...._

_"They're beautiful," she says again.  "I can't fix you, but at least it's a little better now, isn't it?"_

_Maybe if Mother likes them...if Mother is happy, maybe it's all right that I'm ruined...._

 

o.o.o

 

"Why didn't you want to get earrings?" Roxas keeps pestering.  "They look cool!"  He pauses.  "Does it hurt getting earrings?"

 

"...No," Saïx says in a low voice.

 

Van bursts into laughter.  "Oh, _really_?  Then why'd you cry like a baby the whole time?"

 

Saïx glares at him, and suddenly they're having this doomgaze war that kind of hurts to be in range of.  "As I _recall_ , your composure wasn't particularly impressive either, seeing as you burned a hole in the bench while they were inking you."

 

"At least I wasn't going, 'Mommy, Mommy, Mommy,' like a total wuss."

 

"Saïx isn't a wuss," Roxas says hotly.

 

"Saïx, did it really hurt getting the earrings?" Xion whispers in horror.

 

"No, it didn't," he says shortly.  The stuff in his eyes makes me cringe.  I don't think he's lying, exactly, but whether it actually hurt or not, his Angstland's getting a lot worse as we talk about it.  Xion hugs him.  His effort to push her away is ridiculously weak.

 

"I bet you got a stupid girly tattoo," Roxas tells Van, nearly standing up in his chair again; I have to put my arm around him to hold him down.  "I bet you got a heart or a ballerina."

 

"It was gonna be a skull," Van says loftily, "but the guy messed up, and then I had it changed later anyway."  He rolls up his sleeve.  Among the more recent designs is a small shape near his shoulder that looks like a purple and yellow seashell.

 

"Hey, that's Xion's shell," Roxas murmurs.  I don't think Van will ever _stop_ creeping me out.

 

"Heh, your mom flipped out enough as it was," Xigbar muses, "she would've killed me if it had been a real skull...."

 

Without any warning, Van suddenly goes for his own father's throat, and Xigbar fends him off in this practiced, almost bored sort of way.  Roxas and I are staring, and Xem looks a little pained, but Saïx and Xion keep talking as if it's perfectly normal for their relatives to be having a fight in the middle of a restaurant.

 

"So are you gonna start watching _My Little Pony_ with us, Sai-Sai?"

 

" _Never_.  And don't call me that."

 

"But you let me call you that when Daddy and Vani and Uncle Xigbar aren't here."

 

"Maybe I shouldn't let you call me that at all."

 

"No, I'll be good, I love you, _Sigh-axe_."

 

"Axel," Roxas remarks, "Xion and Saïx's family is weird."

 

"Yep."  I take another bite of lunch.  "Xion and Saïx are worth putting up with them, though."

 

"Yup."  His chicken hasn't arrived yet, so he steals some of my rice.  "I'm gonna ask Mommy if she'll let me get a tattoo."

 

"Roxas, you're six.  Not gonna happen."

 

"When I'm ten, then."

 

"Rox, when we get home, I'm gonna talk to you about something called 'really bad role modeling'...."

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  It's amazing, the kinds of things I've been having to research lately....  Btw, Van was the one who suggested going to get a tattoo in the first place.

 

Bianca is an OC I made up to be Xigbar's wife for another fic that will probably take ages to finish and post, if I ever even do get to post it.  I can't write fast enough, so she's apparently making her debut in this series instead. -.-  "Borgnino" is apparently derived from an Italian dialect word meaning "blind in one eye" or "squinting." XD  This'll likely be Xigbar's surname in non-Stepsibs fics.

 

Hmmm...I was about to clarify the religions in this AU, but then decided against it.  Just that they're mixed; and that as far as I know at this time, religion will only be mentioned in passing, it's not going to play a big role in this series.

 

Ghormeh sabzi is actually my sister's favorite Persian dish - I like it all right now, though it took me quite a long time to get over my little-kid "ew" reaction to all the veggies. XD  Personally, I much prefer khoresh gheymeh, that one's my favorite.  And I'm probably writing these wrong, each word seems to have, like, five alternate spellings. orz

 

I really should be posting the dark Christmas story ASAP, but I haven't finished writing it yet, this one's draft was completed first. *sigh* So much for keeping my timeline in order....


	27. Wind's Legacy {Axel}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Wind's Legacy (rough draft)**

 

_For Bon-Bon, one of my cherished (:p) ducklings.  You're such a great young writer and a wonderful person to talk to!  What would Isa, Ienzo and I do without our exuberant Lea? ^_^  It made me laugh when you were so hesitant about requesting a story about my OT4 from one of my favorite universes to write!  I hope you like it, darling._

 

Summary:  Xem does mind a little, but he's not the one they have to persuade.

 

A/N:  Axel's POV, by request. ;)  Picks up during "Marked Flesh."

 

o.o.o

 

"By the way, we're gonna go visit Dad's grave later, hope you don't mind."

 

Xem stares at me through the rearview mirror.  "What?"

 

"You're _welcome_ to come, _Father_ ," I say in my whiniest goody-two-shoes voice, even though the last thing I want is for McDoomgaze Senior to tag along and ruin everything.  There's a reason I never wanna join Sai and Xi's family on any grave visit ever again....

 

"We have not discussed this."

 

"We're discussing it now."

 

"You can't just make plans without permission from me or your mother."

 

"What, you're gonna _stop me from visiting my own father's grave_?"

 

"For one thing, that is not the issue here, and for another, he is not your biological--"

 

This kind of thing always makes my BLOOD BOIL.  Without even thinking, I rip off the seatbelt and surge up to grip the headrests, wanting to _strangle_ Xem.  The only reason I don't try is because I catch a glimpse of my twisted face in the mirror first - it startles me just enough to hold me back.  "Ventus King was more my father than _you'll_ ever be," I hiss.

 

His eyes narrow, and he starts doomgazing again.  I barely even feel it.  "Sit back down."

 

"I'm GOING."

 

"Sit _down_."

 

"You _can't stop me_."

 

He pauses.  And I can _see_ in his eyes that he'll go for Roxas next if I don't sit down.

 

I hate him.

 

Glaring hard enough to make his freaking head burst into flames if I had a real doomgaze, I edge back into my seat.  Roxas is staring at me.

 

"Put your seatbelt on," Xem says in this calm, assuming-instant-obedience voice.

 

"What if I don't feel like it?" I challenge.

 

Roxas grips my arm tight until I have to lean down, and then he whispers in my ear, "It doesn't matter who my father is or your father is, we are brothers and always will be...."

 

His voice calms me down, the reassurance that the person in this car I actually care about is listening to me and on my side.  I put my seatbelt back on and put an arm around my little brother, who leans back against me in a way that's more protective than tired.

 

I can see Xem watching us through the mirror again, and I glare back.  Finally he says, "I have no objection to the two of you paying your respects, as long as your mother agrees to it."

 

I'm taking Sai and the kids to see Dad whether Mom's okay with it or not, but whatever; can't hurt to call and get Xem off my back.

 

Actually, turns out it _can_ hurt.

 

 _"No,"_ she says flatly.

 

I stare.  Even though she's back at the house and there's nothing to stare at.  "What?"

 

_"I'm not letting that creep anywhere near my husband."_

 

I finally realize her problem, and I want to punch her.  "...Mom.  He's your son.  And Dad--"

 

 _"He's my_ step _son, stop_ calling _him that, and I_ don't care _!  That freak's already stolen my treasure and got_ you _fighting for him, as if I'd let him hurt any more of what's important to me!"_

 

Oh, so _now_ I'm important to her?  Right, I feel soooo loved.  "He can't hurt Dad, Dad is _dead_ , and even if he was alive he would LOVE Saïx.  Saïx would love him."

 

It feels weird to talk about Saïx like that, but....  Saïx would grump along in his sulky shy way, and Dad would try to tease him except Dad was too soft-hearted to really tease anyone for long, and Saïx would keep grumping along in the background not-hiding, and Dad would be nice, and Saïx would be sarcastically insulting and Dad would see through it, and Saïx would be cluelessly rude and Dad would probably be too dumb to notice, and Saïx would be spilling warm fuzzy feelings from his eyes without realizing or cracking a smile and Dad would hug him and make him blush, and it wouldn't be long before they'd love each other to pieces.

 

 _"You just_ love _ticking me off, don't you.  You just think it's_ so _hilarious to push my buttons and make me want to strangle you."_

 

Well, sometimes, yeah, but I was not playing that game right now.  "Mom, I'm not playing around.  Saïx and Xion are Dad's stepkids too, you know."  Kind of.  Close enough.  "They have a right to see each other!"

 

 _"Ven can't see anyone, he's dead,"_ she whines, mimicking me.

 

"Gah!"  Sometimes I think she loves pushing _my_ buttons, too.  "Why are we arguing about this?  I'm--"  I suddenly notice the way Xem is watching me.  He's not going to let us go if he thinks Mom'll be against it.  "Oh," I say, imagining my voice as honey.  "I apologize for being rude, Mother."

 

_"What?"_

 

"No, you're right, as a good and loyal son I should obey everything you say."

 

_"Are you on drugs?"_

 

"It's just that I so very much wanted to take Saïx and Xion to pay their proper respects, but if you're against it...."

 

_"I am!  They're not going!  Bring precious home and then take Saïx out to do something stupid like you teenagers usually do and keep him away from me!"_

 

"What?" I gasp, pretending great astonishment and delight.  "You mean you'll let us go after all?"

 

_"I SAID NO!"_

 

"Oh, _thank_ you, Mother, _thank_ you," I say rapturously.  Roxas is kind of looking at me like I'm crazy, but whatever.  "I'll let Father know right away.  You have a lovely afternoon."  I hang up on the sound of her shouting.  "Mom gave me permission."

 

"...."

 

"She did."  No, no, this is wrong, I keep forgetting sometimes that Xem is different, he doesn't take things the way I mean him to--

 

"Axel, I would like to believe you, but I regret to say that you have given me little proof of your trustworthiness in such matters.  I'm going to have to call your mother to confirm it myself."

 

I slam my fist against the door, wanting to jump out of the car and shove it and Xem over a cliff.  I _hate_ feeling helpless like this....

 

While Xem's on the phone with Mom, I call Aunt Aqua quick, while I still have the chance.

 

_"Hello?"_

 

"They're not letting me see Dad."

 

_"Pardon?"_

 

"Mom's flipping out about Saïx and Xem's being his usual control-freak self and _they're not gonna let me see Dad_."

 

_"Wait a moment, first tell me where you are and what--"_

 

Xem's doomgazing me and I drop the phone, wincing.  "You lied to me."

 

I curse silently.  It hurts a lot more the few times I actually deserve it, but I try not to show how much it's bothering me.  "I...just...it was kind of obvious--"

 

"You are 'grounded' for the remainder of the weekend."  He's not used to the word and it'd be funny hearing him say it if I wasn't so freaking mad at him right now.  Saïx and Xion have been bullied into being such obedient kiss-ups that he's never had to go as far as grounding them before I came along.  Sometimes I feel a little guilty about that....  "Once we return home, you are to hand over your cell phone, stay in your room, and not have any contact with your brother or with either of my children."

 

They want to drive me crazy, don't they.  I hate, hate, _hate_ when he does this; why can't they make me do extra chores or pay them money or take away my video games or even my driver's license?  _Why do they always have to go for my brothers and sister?_

 

He's pulling the car over.  "Move up to the front seat."

 

"No," I manage.  Roxas's nails are digging into my arm.

 

" _Move_."

 

I hold out for a few more long, tense seconds.  Then I fling the door open, storm out of the car, stomp around up to the front passenger seat, get in, and slam the door shut.  I try to catch a glimpse of Roxas in the rearview mirror without looking like I am.  He's staring at me with my phone clutched protectively to his chest.  "...I get to keep Roxas for lunch," I manage to growl through clenched teeth.

 

"...You may sit with Roxas during that time," Xem says.  " _If_ you ask more politely."

 

"...."

 

He waits.

 

"Please," I whisper, wanting to set him on fire.

 

"Very well."  Smug jerk, thinks he's won.  He pulls back onto the road and keeps driving.

 

"Axel made Xem mad again," Roxas is telling Aqua.  "He can't sit with me anymore except at lunch."

 

I stare out the window.

 

"No, I'm okay, I'm just all alone now."

 

Xem raises his eyebrows a little disbelievingly.  His definition of 'alone' is different than ours.

 

Roxas talks to her a little longer as Xem and I both watch him through the mirror.  "Okay.  Yeah, I will.  I love you, too, Aunt Aqua.  Bye."  He hangs up.  "Aunt Aqua said you have to behave more, Axel, so you don't keep getting in trouble."

 

"I'll do what I want," I grumble.

 

"And she said hi to you, Xem, and to be nice to her nephews Or Else."

 

"Or else what?" he prompts curiously when he thinks Roxas hasn't finished.  He really is asking, the idiot.

 

"Or else she'll come beat you up," Roxas invents.  "She can, you know.  She's a ninja."

 

"I highly doubt that.  I do, however, respect her combat abilities, so I shall take her sentiment into account."

 

Eating with my family, cheered up by Xion's brightness and by Saïx being a good big brother and by Roxas's Roxas-ness, I forget to be mad for a while.  And because Xigbar leaves right afterwards and Van has someone to meet up with so he can't hog Xion on the way home, I get to keep my family a little longer - Saïx in the front annoying his dad without meaning to and making me laugh, me crammed in the back with both kids who are energetically annoying Xem, too.  Win-win.

 

'Til we get home.  Then I'm mad again.  I hug Roxas and Xion one last time and don't answer when she asks me what's wrong, and I don't look at Saïx when he watches me, trying to figure out what's up.  I toss my phone at the couch, storm to my room, and slam the door.  Holding the knob twisted so that it doesn't catch, and I can still hear their voices through the crack between the door and the frame.

 

"Axel got in trouble _again_?" Xion exclaims in disbelief.

 

"He lied so we could go see Dad, but we still can't see Dad," Roxas says sadly.

 

"You see," Mom says in this snooty way that makes my fists clench, "that's why children should never lie."

 

"So adults can lie?" Xion wonders.

 

Mom and Xem make backpedaling noises.

 

"Mom, can I get a tattoo?" Roxas asks.

 

"What?!  NO!"

 

"Van has a tattoo.  Lots of 'em.  He got one when he was ten.  I'm getting one when I'm ten, too, except I don't think Axel will let me.  Maybe Saïx'll let me."

 

"I will _not_ ," Saïx growls.

 

"You will not be permitted to mutilate your body as long as you are a minor, living under this roof, or dependent on my money," Xem snaps in his this-discussion-is-over voice.

 

There's a pause.  "Father," Saïx finally says, "may I speak with you?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Come on, precious," Mom says.

 

"Can I come, too?" Xion asks.

 

"Sure, sweetie."  I think Mom might have hesitated, but she's laughing now.

 

The three of them go off somewhere and Saïx's voice drops to a murmur.

 

There's nothing else for me, so I go fall onto the bed and try to pass the time with my music player.  _So bored_.  And lonely.  Mom sucked at grounding me before marrying Xem because she'd, like, forget, or not care when Roxas came to keep me company, so I'm...not used to this.  Not having at least Roxas around.  Whenever I wasn't with Roxas I was at school or hanging out with my friends or my cousins or something.  I'm not used to being _alone_.  I don't know what to do.  I can't read like Saïx, I'd rather lie on my bed staring at the ceiling than read.  I wish I was tired enough to sleep.

 

Xion's galloping loudly down the hall, the signal for brief contact.  She pauses, and I can see a sliver of her through the crack between the door and the frame.  We look at each other for a while.  She won't say anything to me because she insists on following the rules that she's not supposed to talk to me, but she does blow me kisses, and I blow them back.  She smiles sadly again and gallops on to her room.

 

A little later, Roxas comes wandering by, humming.  I go to the door again and he pokes some fish crackers through to me.  I don't really care about the fish, but I love that he's trying to look after me.  "Thanks, Rox-my-socks," I whisper.

 

"Stop getting in trouble," he whispers back.  "I miss you."

 

"Miss you, too, kiddo."

 

"Saïx says we can see Dad soon."

 

Saïx never makes any promise he doesn't mean.  "Can't wait."

 

"He'll like Xion and Saïx."

 

"Yup."

 

Roxas suddenly gasps and runs off, yelling, "Mom, I love you!  Let's go make Chi play fetch," to distract her from noticing that he was whispering to me.

 

A little later, someone else walks by and yanks the door completely shut.  Gotta be Saïx; neither of the kids would have done it, and Mom or Xem would have come in to lecture me.  It makes me smile when I hear Xem's footsteps pass by a minute later.  Saïx doesn't approve of the three of us pushing our punishments as far as we can, but he still watches our backs.

 

So _bored_....

 

Every morning after being grounded, I usually wake up (or am woken up by the excited kids) a lot earlier than usual, so my brother and I walk Roxas and Xion to school rather than letting Xem drop them off on his way to work.  Getting grounded always makes me miss my siblings, so since I can't have Rox and Xi, I follow Saïx to the library instead of hanging out with my fangirls.

 

"Why are you following me?"

 

"Because I'm bored."

 

"You are not the sort to find this place a suitable alleviation."

 

"Man, speak English."

 

"Go sit with your friends and leave me alone."

 

"They're not my friends.  They're just pretty much the only people at this school who don't hate me."

 

"I'm not your friend, either."

 

"Yup, you're my little brother."

 

 _annoyance exasperation_   "You are only my elder by thirty days.  I hardly think that warrants labeling me with such a title."

 

"You're just mad because you're not the oldest kid anymore.  So whatcha readin'?"

 

He stares at me.  _disbelief hope wariness hurt anger_

 

Those things really are important to him....  I'll never understand _._   "Read it to me."

 

"What?"  _shock hope anger_

 

"I mean it!  I'm bored!"  I put on a whiny little kid voice.  "Read me a story, pwease."

 

"Ugh."

 

As always, the book itself is boring, but the interesting part is watching his eyes as he reads.  It's cool, seeing all the emotions flowing through them, all in response to the ink on the pages instead of anything in real life.  So, so weird, but...kind of fascinating, too.  It's like he's walking through a whole different world that I can't even see.  Makes me a little jealous - I don't like that he can go somewhere, that he _likes_ being somewhere I can't follow.

 

I feel like I miss him even though he's sitting right next to me...but at the same time, hearing him read in his quiet voice, it's like he's connecting with me, too.  He almost never reaches out to me, but the few times he does, the few times I'm not having to chase him down, it's such a relief.  To get confirmation from more than his eyes that he doesn't hate me or just tolerate me, that he might actually like me.

 

And I'm seeing all this because of books.  So, so, so weird.

 

The bell rings, breaking the spell.  "Thanks, Sai.  See ya later."

 

"Good-bye, Axel."

 

When the four of us get home from school, Aunt Aqua's car is in the driveway.  Roxas and Xion burst in ahead of us, shrieking her name in excitement, and fling themselves on her where she's sitting on the couch with Aunt Ella.  Both our aunts pause to hug them and greet us older two, but I can tell from their faces that they're up to something.

 

"Lea," Aqua says, "you're being ridiculous."

 

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," Mom says in this weird high voice, glancing at Saïx.  He immediately takes the hint and walks off to his room.  I stay quiet and let the ladies keep doing their thing.

 

"Why ever not?" Aunt Ella pretends, as if she didn't notice.  "Lea, please understand, this is very important to us and to the children."

 

"Mom, can I watch cartoons?" Roxas asks.

 

"Hey, Rox," I say loudly, "let's see if there's any ice cream left in the freezer."

 

"YES!"  Roxas gallops back over to me.  Xion stares between all of us in confusion, like she senses something going on but can't figure out what it is.  She finally follows as I get Roxas out of the way, and while we're eating our ice cream at the counter, I strain to try to hear what's going on in the living room.

 

Mom is talking in agitated whispers now, but the other two still sound normal.

 

"I may not live with him, but he's stayed overnight at my house several times, and there is _nothing wrong with him_ ," Aunt Aqua's saying.  "He can even be sweet in his own way once you get to know him, and is certainly much more polite than both your sons _and_ mine."

 

"I heard that," I call, pretending to be offended even though I don't care because it's completely true.

 

"Then take the hint," she calls back good-humoredly.

 

"I just can't stand it!"  Mom's voice is climbing back into audible levels.  "Have you _seen_ him with Roxas?  I can't _stand_ it."

 

"But what's wrong with a little boy like Roxas admiring his older brother and wanting to be with him when he's a good role model?" Aunt Ella asks in this artfully puzzled tone.

 

"Roxas should feel like that about _me_!  That person is _not his brother_!"

 

"Lea."  That's Aqua again, sounding like she's nearing the end of her patience.  "Perhaps you haven't noticed, but those four consider each other to be as close as full blood-siblings."

 

"Yeah, and it drives me--"

 

Aqua just keeps right on talking.  "I don't think they even remember the technicalities sometimes.  I know your feelings on this, but you've got to understand that _they don't see each other_ the way you do, or even the way your husband does."

 

Roxas and Xion have finally picked up on all this and are now listening, too, forgetting about the ice cream melting in their hands.

 

"Roxas might be the only one with Ven's name on his birth certificate," she continues, "but all four of them claim him as their father at least to some extent, and I think they have every right to.  You have to understand exactly what it is you're denying them."

 

Mom makes a frustrated sound.  "I don't mind _Xion_ seeing him, okay?  It's _stupid_ , but what _ever_ ; she can go see him if she wants!  That's not what I'm talking about!"

 

"Xi," I say quietly, trying not to let my anger show, "Rox, go play."

 

"I wanna stay and listen," Roxas says, too loudly, and Xion shushes him.

 

" _Go play_."

 

"Mom still doesn't like Saïx?" Xion asks sadly.

 

"I am so serious, guys, go away until we figure this out."  Roxas totally ignores me; Xion reluctantly climbs down from the barstool, but then just stands there and keeps listening.

 

"...not like he can harm anything there," Aunt Ella is saying.

 

"I've _seen him_ , him and that delinquent cousin of his!  I've seen them _burn things_!  Those eyes are--!"  Mom breaks off and yells at us, "Go play!"

 

Xion sighs and goes upstairs.  Roxas stomps around, opens the back door and closes it again to pretend he went out, then tiptoes back and climbs into my lap to keep listening.

 

Mom's talking in heated whispers again, but we can still hear our aunts.

 

"Of _course_ it's unusual, but it's only frightening because you've never taken the time to understand!"

 

"Axel and little Xion have explained it to me, and it does make sense.  You have to find something to like or appreciate about him first.  Lea, dear, have you ever tried that?"

 

More angry whispering.

 

"Oh, but that just isn't true!  There is plenty."

 

"What about Xem," Aqua tries, "obviously you like Xem, don't you?"

 

Mom grumbles something that I think is, "I don't have to worry about Xem _spontaneously combusting me with his eyes_."

 

They keep on like this for a while until Mom's finally like, "It doesn't matter!  I _hate_ that my own son loves him more than me and I _hate_ that I can't do anything about it, but I _can_ do something about this and they're NOT GOING!"

 

There's a pause.  Then a sniffling sound.

 

"Oh, Ella, don't cry," Aqua says in this overly concerned voice.

 

"I...I'll be all right," Ella tries to say, all choked up with her semi-fake tears, "it's just that it's so _sad_ to me...."

 

"It's not sad!" Mom insists.  "He won't _die_ just because he can't doomgaze a tombstone!"

 

"Really, Ella, stop crying," Aqua fake-orders.  "You know how upset Terra gets whenever anyone makes you cry."

 

Mom abruptly goes Very Quiet.  I don't blame her - it's hard to get Uncle Terra really mad, but the few times it does happen, heh....

 

"Aunt Ella's really crying?" Roxas asks me in alarm.

 

"No," I whisper.  "She's trying to get Mom to let us go see Dad.  Roxas, we need your help."

 

He stares at me, anxious and businesslike.

 

"You have to go hug Mom and tell her you love her.  Don't say anything about me or Saïx or Xion or visiting Dad, okay?  Just show Mom that you love her a lot.  She's not letting us go because she thinks you love Saïx more than her and she's jealous, so try to make her not jealous."

 

Roxas salutes me and starts to head for the living room before I catch him.  "You 'went out to play,' remember?"

 

"Oh yeah."  He tiptoes over to slam the back door open and shut, then gallops past me again, yelling, "Mom, it's cold outside!"

 

"Precious--"

 

As I watch, trying to keep out of sight, he climbs into her lap and hugs her.  "Can I sit with you please?"

 

She frowns as she strokes his hair.  "You're not cold at all."

 

"Ummm...I ran around a lot and got hot."

 

"Roxas--"

 

He leaps back to his feet and tugs at her arm.  "Mommy, come play with me!"

 

"Ugh, no, it's cold outside!"

 

"I'll throw leaves at you," he says persuasively.

 

"No," she laughs.  "In these clothes?  No!"

 

"Well, wear some fun clothes, then, not stupid clothes you can't get dirty!"

 

While they're playing outside, Aunt Aqua calls Terra and I give Aunt Ella some cookies so she won't be bored, then go up to get some more ammunition.  Saïx is working on what I assume is homework, ignoring the way Xion's spread ponies and Barbie dolls all over his floor and has hung a tied-up doll from his knee, with a dragon perched in his top desk drawer.

 

"Oh no!  The dragon's coming out!  Hurry, Maximilian, we've got to save Crystal before she gets eaten!  Quick, Glimmerbreeze, come stand here at the foot of the cliff and lift us up, maybe we can climb up and save her before it's too late!"

 

"Saïx," I say, "take your computer to the bed."

 

"What?"

 

"And Xion, do something cute to him."

 

"Is it a new game?" she asks curiously.

 

"It's called Convince Mom That Saïx Isn't A Total Monster."

 

"Good luck with that," Saïx says calmly as he keeps typing.

 

I grab his computer, and he's too worried about damaging it to try to wrestle it out of my grip.  I plop it back on his stomach once we've gotten him on the bed, and Xion happily climbs up and snuggles against him.  With her pony, Dawncrest Tide.  After having perched Moonwolf Crescent on Saïx's chest and stuck a bouquet of roses from the Barbie Bridal Set into his hair.

 

"Is this really necessary?" Saïx says in a pained voice.

 

"Couldn't hurt.  Pretend you're typing."

 

He sighs hugely and does, and Xion pretends to be fascinated by whatever's on the computer screen, and I snap a picture of my brother and sister together.  "Great!  I'll show this to Mom."

 

"You did not tell me photographs would be involved," Saïx storms.

 

"Do you want to see Dad or don't you?" I say pointedly.

 

"I was trusting that to your aunts."

 

"Well, they need some help, okay?  Just be glad you didn't have Roxas and his Ninja Turtles on your other side."

 

"The turtles would have been preferable," Saïx grumbles, glaring at the ponies.

 

As I leave the room with Xion's, "Whaaaat?  You like the ugly turtles better than _ponies_?" echoing behind me, I get the photo back onscreen and hand it to my aunts in the living room.  "Pretend to squee over this when Mom comes back in."

 

"Who needs to pretend?" Aqua laughs as she and Aunt Ella focus on the phone.

 

"That little girl is so precious," Ella coos.  "And considering his personality, it really is kind of Saïx to tolerate those toys, isn't it."

 

"Hey, you're supposed to convince _Mom_ , not me!"

 

By the time Xem comes home, Mom's grudgingly agreed to let us go.  I want to dash off right away before she can change her mind, but now Xem's going on about how it's too late in the afternoon on a weekday and blah blah blah, and he wants us to wait for the weekend but I want to go _now_.  I'd probably blow up and ruin it for all of us if Saïx and our aunts weren't keeping me in check.  Still, I want to leave I want to leave I want to _leave_....

 

Xem compromises, so the next day, Terra and Aqua pick us all up from school.  Just in case, Aunt Ella's taken Mom out shopping for the entire afternoon, so it's just the six of us heading out to FINALLY see Dad.

 

"It's pretty here," Xion says, practically glued to the window as we drive down the lane.

 

"All cemeteries are beautiful," Saïx muses softly.  I don't really think he was talking to us.  He's staring out the window on the other side so I can't see his eyes.

 

"I never thought about that, but you're right," Uncle Terra agrees as he drives.

 

Roxas looks dubious.  "It's a lot of rocks and flowers."  He looks out the windows for a while, too.  "I guess the flowers are pretty.  I bet all the dead people are happy to get so many flowers."

 

"I would guess they're happier when people visit," Aunt Aqua says.

 

"Well, that's what we're here for."

 

"Yup."

 

"Axel, do dead people get bored when no one visits them?"

 

Dad's next to a tree.  I have never seen that tree stay still, even on days with quiet weather; its branches constantly seem to be tossing in a wind, almost like it's excited to see us.  "Dad!" I yell, glomping the tombstone.

 

"Daaaad!" Roxas yells as he runs up after me, glomping the other side of the stone.  Our eyes meet and we burst into laughter.

 

Saïx and Xion are still over by the car, staring at us as if we've just desecrated the _Mona Lisa_.

 

"Come say hi to Dad!" Roxas yells at them.

 

"Roxas, stop _yelling_!" Xion squeaks.

 

Saïx looks at my aunt and uncle, who are unloading the car and obviously not telling us to shut up.  He wordlessly moves to help Aunt Aqua carry stuff, and I know he's not going to say a thing until he's figured out what's going on.  He's so _fun_.

 

"Xi, come on!" I yell.  I go over to scoop her up and _bring_ her over, but Uncle Terra gets to me first and makes me carry things instead of him and Aunt Aqua and Saïx doing all the work.

 

"Is it okay?" Xion asks me apprehensively as we all gather under the tree.

 

"Is what okay?"

 

"Ummm...."  She's standing holding Saïx's arms around her, with him going _uncertainty anxiety wariness discomfort_ over her head.

 

"Axel and Roxas's family has never been very formal," he tells her quietly.

 

"I take it that the grave visits to your own relatives are different?" Aqua asks curiously.

 

"They make boring speeches.  But we don't have to do that today."  Roxas grabs Xion and practically drags her closer to the tombstone even though she's trotting to keep up with him willingly enough.  "Hey Dad, we brought new people.  This is Xion.  She's my best friend, and my sister too because Mom married Xem and that means she's my sister now I guess.  It's okay that she's a girl because she's not dumb like the other girls, except she plays with ponies and other dumb girl stuff but the ponies are still kind of fun because we shoot laser guns at dragons and bad guys and stuff except that sometimes the dragons are the good guys, and Axel says it's okay to play ponies, so it's okay.  Xion's cool."

 

"Roxas, you're supposed to be nicer to girls," Uncle Terra scolds as he comes up behind them.  He sweeps up Xion in his arms like she weighs nothing and smiles at his brother's memorial.  "Xion isn't just 'not dumb,' she's very smart - she can see straight into people's hearts."

 

"It's harder when they don't have yellow eyes," Xion admits.

 

Terra smiles and smoothes her wind-whipped hair back from her face.  "She is the sweetest, most beautiful little girl I've ever seen," he continues, then winks at her.  "Though that's only because I didn't meet Ella until high school where she wasn't a little girl anymore."

 

Xion giggles.  "You're supposed to say that because Aunt Ella's your true love."

 

He kisses the side of her head.  "You're someone's true love, too."

 

"Yup.  And my true love is strong like you and smart like Axel and fun like Roxas and he'll help me like Saïx.  And he's rich like Daddy and pretty like Uncle Zack was and he'll buy me a real pony of my very own and I'll feed her apples and strawberries--"

 

"That's all you have to say about my husband, that he was 'pretty'?" Aunt Aqua pouts.

 

"Well, he was," I point out.  " _Is_."  Zack Fair and his wife definitely keep in shape - he still turns plenty of heads at age fifty, and she turns even more.

 

" _All_ you boys from both families are handsome, it doesn't count," she grumbles.

 

Uncle Terra lets Xion down again, and she pats the tombstone in a friendly way.  "Hi, Roxas's dad.  Roxas is my best friend, too, so I hope that's okay."

 

" _Duh_ it's okay."  Roxas turns and goes to grab Saïx's hand, and I've already sidled up on Sai's other side, so together we pull/shove him over to join Xion.  "And this is Saïx.  So I have two big brothers now.  He's all scary with yellow eyes so it's really cool 'cuz whenever anyone's mean, I just tell Saïx and he comes and looks at them and they run away and leave me alone, and that way Axel doesn't get in trouble and I don't have to punch them and get in trouble, either."

 

I stare at them.  "Wait, _what_?"

 

"I'll tell you later," Saïx mutters.

 

"Wait, WHAT?!"

 

"Well," Uncle Terra chuckles, "it shouldn't be much of a surprise.  You two _are_ sharing the Big Brother job now, Axel."

 

"But...but...!"

 

Aunt Aqua sets her hands encouragingly on Saïx's shoulders to make her own introductions.  "My new nephew is a very responsible and well-mannered young man, which I _quite_ appreciate since we definitely need more of those around.  Sometimes I think I'll lose my mind before my boys grow adults brains and stop being stupid...."

 

"Gippal's not too bad," Terra muses.  "And Demyx is a lot more lazy than actually stupid, I think...."

 

"Well, why should I have to put up with them in the meantime when I've already got a perfect candidate right here?" Aqua huffs, her arms sliding around Saïx's shoulders in a hug.

 

His cheeks are just a little flushed.  "I would have loved to have you for a mother," he says, very quietly.  I don't think he meant for the rest of us to hear, but he happened to say it in a lull.

 

There's a long pause, and the color in his face deepens.

 

"Aunt Aqua's hair looks like yours," Xion laughs.  "Maybe she can be your third mommy.  So you'll have three mommies just like me."

 

"Aunt Aqua's hair's way better than Saïx's," Roxas points out.

 

"Your one flaw," Aqua laments playfully, trying to comb out Saïx's hair a little with her fingers.  "This is so _dry_ , love.  I'm going to take you out later and get you some better hair products."

 

"I have no desire to spend hours on my hair like _some_ of us do," Saïx growls.  Meaning me.  But, hey, I have great hair, why _shouldn't_ I take the time to make it look cool instead of a shaggy mess like his?

 

"Hey, Dad doesn't care about hair," Roxas says impatiently.  Which is true.  Dad spent about as much time on his hair as six-year-old Roxas does.  Just like his father, Roxas is lucky if anyone remembers to get his hair combed in the mornings so that he doesn't go around all day with it sticking straight up at crazy uneven angles - though a lot of people seemed to be under the impression that that was Ven's deliberately-chosen hairstyle, so maybe it's actually a stroke of genius rather than laziness.  "He's hungry.  And he wants his flowers."

 

Aunt Aqua gets out the bouquets we'd beheaded earlier and hands around all the stemless blossoms.

 

"I'm going to count to three," Roxas warns considerately.

 

"And then what?" Xion asks.

 

"We're gonna make a flower rain."

 

"Throw your flowers in the air when he gets to three," I explain.

 

Saïx is staring at us like we're aliens.

 

"One, two, th--!"

 

"Wait, Roxas, they're not gonna throw them!"

 

He stares.  "What?"

 

"Look," I tell our slightly freaked-out-looking brother and sister.  "We do this all the time.  There's no built-in vase here like there is for your mom, and it's more fun to leave the flowers this way, and you're going to MESS IT UP if you don't throw them at the same time we do.  Okay?"

 

"We can really throw the flowers?" Xion asks breathlessly.

 

"Of course.  Up in the air, by the way; throw them high so that they come down like rain.  Saïx, _don't mess it up_."

 

_resentment anxiety_

 

"It's all right," Aunt Aqua tries to reassure him.

 

"Okay, Roxas, one!"

 

"Two!" he yells eagerly.

 

"THREE!"

 

Sai's armful is a little late, but only by a couple of seconds.  Roxas laughs, and Xion spins with her arms out as the blossoms all come tumbling down again.

 

"Reminds me of when Aeris was little," Terra murmurs.

 

"Ohhh, I miss my babyyy!" Aqua wails good-naturedly.

 

Xion stops spinning and stares.  "Where's your baby?"

 

Aqua laughs.  "Your cousin Aeris, I meant."

 

"She's not a baby, she's big," Roxas objects.

 

"That's right, she's not my baby anymore...."

 

"Your children will always be your babies," Terra says, hugging his sister soothingly.

 

We spread out a picnic under the wind-tossed tree and unpack the food.  Roxas insists on setting out a sandwich for Dad.

 

"He's not eating it," Xion observes after a little while.

 

"He will," Roxas says confidently.  "It's always gone when we come again."

 

Saïx looks at the interested birds clustering nearby and nicely doesn't say anything.

 

"That's right," I chuckle.

 

"Hey," Xion says, "I wanna hear stories about Dad."

 

Roxas puts his sandwich down.  "I don't have any."

 

Seeing the look on his face, Aunt Aqua shifts closer and pulls him into her lap.  "I have plenty.  Which one would you like me to tell, Roxas?  Or do you want a new one?"

 

"Tell 'em the Power Rangers one."

 

Terra laughs, remembering.

 

"Well, that one started when Ven was about fourteen...I was a senior in high school, Terra was home on vacation."  She's stroking Roxas's hair, gazing at him as he nestles contentedly against her, and I know she's looking at him and seeing her little brother.  I've seen pictures of Dad when he was a kid....  He and Roxas could be twins, it's amazing how much they resemble each other.  "The boys went to a convention, and Terra dressed up as some sort of samurai but Ven wanted to cosplay Void Gear from that silly old TV show, I forgot what it was called."

 

" _Revenge of the Unversed_ ," I supply, and Terra high-fives me appreciatively.

 

"You ought to tell it," Aqua chuckles, "since I wasn't even there."

 

"True," Terra says easily.  "So we're walking around as Saitou and Void Gear, and these little kids run up thinking Ven's a Power Ranger."

 

"The outfits are pretty close," I realize, laughing.  "Except for the skirt part, I think _Unversed_ had _Power Rangers_ beat on that one...."

 

"So the kids are like, 'Ahhh, you have to come fight Lord Zedd, you have to come fight Lord Zedd!' and poor Ven's like, 'I can't fight Lord Zedd, I'm supposed to fight the Key Masters,' but they're like, 'You GOTTA come fight Lord Zedd!'  So we follow them halfway across the hotel and people keep stopping us to take pictures because our costumes were pretty awesome--"

 

"I'm gonna show you the pictures when we get home," Roxas says.  "You're gonna be like, 'Where's Dad and Uncle Terra?' and I'm gonna be like, 'They're right there!' because you're gonna think it's really them because they're costumes are so awesome.  Everyone thought they were really them and made them fight."

 

"You wanna tell the story?" Uncle Terra teases.

 

"No, you do it," Roxas commands.  "You're supposed to do it."

 

"All-righty.  So we finally find this guy dressed like Lord Zedd, with the brain and everything; his costume was pretty awesome, too."

 

"You couldn't see his face," Roxas prompts.

 

"For you non-Power-Rangers fans, yes, you couldn't see his face because he had a helmet," Terra says with a wink at Saïx.  "So we have this epic Nerd Battle, Saitou & Void Gear vs. Lord Zedd, and people are taking pictures like crazy--"

 

"And you guys won," Roxas jumps in eagerly.

 

"And we won," Terra confirms proudly.  "Then we parted ways and enjoyed the rest of the convention and didn't think we'd see that guy ever again.  Well, so then two years later Aqua's in college, and she's started dating this guy called Zack Fair, maybe you've heard of him."

 

"That's Uncle Zack!" Xion cries in delight.

 

"Yup, except he wasn't an uncle then."

 

"He wasn't?"

 

Saïx sighs a little.  "To be a uncle, one's sibling or sibling-in-law must have a child.  And obviously one must also be male."

 

"Don't be confusing," Roxas orders.  "Be quiet and listen to the story."

 

Saïx rolls his eyes, and Xion snuggles close to him.

 

"Soooo," Uncle Terra continues, "one day Zack's telling Aqua and Ven about this convention he went to once where he had an epic Nerd Battle against these guys in awesome Saitou and Void Gear costumes...."  He trails off and grins at Xion, while Roxas leans forward on his hands and knees to stare at her as if trying to will the realization into her brain.

 

Xion gasps.  "Uncle Zack was Lord Zedd!"

 

"Exactly!" Terra cheers as Roxas whoops.  "So in a total coincidence, Ven and I actually met Aqua's future husband before she did."

 

Xion thinks this is the funniest thing ever, Roxas is getting a kick out of someone new hearing the story, and I notice that Aunt Aqua's got the same smile on her face that I feel on my own as we watch them.

 

Saïx glances at me.  "What about you, Axel?"

 

"Huh?"

 

"From what I gather, you and Ventus seemed to get along well.  I would like to hear a story from you."

 

It's real quiet all of a sudden, except for the wind.  Roxas crawls closer to me, looking curious.  "You don't talk about Dad a lot."

 

I hadn't really thought about it, but I guess I don't.  It's not like I try to avoid the subject or anything, it just....  I dunno.  Sometimes with Terra and Aqua, yeah.  But not with Roxas.  It's just...he's still so young, and he didn't...know Dad the way I did...I dunno.  Maybe I _should_ try to talk about Dad more with his own son.  It's just....  Well, I don't know.

 

I don't realize how long the pause has gotten until I glance up again and notice the kids staring at me a little worriedly, Saïx and our aunt and uncle studying me carefully.  I try to grin at them all, even though I'm a little annoyed.  "Quit staring at me, I'm thinking."

 

"Think faster," Roxas says.  "I wanna hear the story."

 

"Okay, fine, here's one.  Mom and I had this game, when she was dating.  She'd--"  Suddenly I realize that I don't want to tell this story, because Ven was the only good part about it.  Sometimes I hate my mom, but...she's my mom.  She's part of me.  Especially when I was a kid, before Roxas came along, I was the most important thing to her, and we actually got along, like, half the time.  (Instead of never, like we do now.)  So watching her get rejected because of me, over and over and over and over again....

 

By the time Ven came along, I was so sick of it and so horrible to him, I don't like feeling this way when I remember it.  "Never mind, I'm gonna tell something else."

 

"Whaaat?"

 

"No, Axel, tell the first story!"

 

"I went with Mom and Dad on their first For Serious date, okay?  Boring."

 

"That's not boring, I wanna hear it!"

 

"You know, Roxas, I didn't always love you," I start anyway.

 

His mouth drops open and he stares at me with these huge shocked eyes.  I look down because I can't bear seeing him look at me like that, but I can still feel myself grinning as I start shredding pieces off the edge of my paper plate.  "Before you were born, I was jealous.  Because I thought Mom and Dad would love you more than they'd love me."

 

"What?  That's stupid," Roxas scoffs, but everyone else is completely silent.  I'm still looking down so I can't see it, but it sounds like even the tree has actually gone quiet for once.

 

"That's what Dad thought, too.  He tried being nicer to me than usual and talking to me, but I kept calling him names and wrecking things and getting in trouble.  Finally one day, when we were supposed to go shopping for baby stuff or whatever for what was gonna be your half of the room, I pitched this huge fit because it was supposed to be _my_ room and I didn't want that Roxas brat or any of his crap in here blah blah blah."

 

"You called me a brat?" he says indignantly.

 

This time I'm able to meet his eyes as I grin at him.  "Yup.  I called you worse things, too, actually."

 

"Heeeyyyy!"

 

"Don't worry, Mom got me back for it.  So we were supposed to go shopping, but I was pitching my fit and Mom was getting super-mad, and finally Dad just grabbed me and marched me outside and shoved me in the car and drove away."  Oh, wait, they wouldn't know.  "He'd never done anything like that before, by the way."

 

I don't think he'd ever touched me roughly in his whole life except for that one time, unless we were wrestling or something which didn't count.  "So at first I was kind of nervous, but when he didn't say anything I started mouthing off again, and he didn't say a _word_.  He didn't say anything that whole car ride, even when I turned the radio to the kind of music he hated.  Finally I got so bored I just went to sleep, and when I woke up we were bouncing down this dirt road by the lake.  He parked and turned off the car and just got out and left me there."

 

I'm flashbacking to that afternoon, seeing Dad in my mind sitting down by the water with those horrible hunched shoulders, feeling awful myself.  I finally couldn't stand it anymore so I'd gotten out of the car, and it had occurred to me to run away, but that was stupid and not what I wanted at all.  I wanted to be with my dad.  I wanted him to tell me he still wanted me, but I knew he was so angry in his quiet way and he wouldn't even look at me, and it was my fault I'd made him like that, but I couldn't bring myself to apologize but that was so _stupid_ of me because I wish I could go back now and tell him how sorry I am about everything and how much I loved him, still love him, miss him _so much_....

 

"So he left you there forever?" Roxas asks in this resigned kind of way.

 

Oops.  I'm supposed to be talking.  "No," I laugh.  "Sorry, I forgot.  Um....  Oh yeah, so he got out and sat down by the lake for a while, and finally I got bored and got out and went over to him.  There wasn't a single person or boat or anything, it was just me and him.  And I was like, 'So why'd you drag me all the way out here, loser?' like I was a tough guy or something.  Idiot.

 

"He got up again so he was taller than me and put his hands on his hips and finally looked me straight in the eye.  And he was like, 'Well, Axel, I'm thinking maybe you're right about the place being too small for both of you.  So I figured I'd bring you out here and kill you and hide your body in the woods where no one will ever find you, and then we'll have plenty of room for the new kid once you're gone.'  And I just looked at him.  Because, like, it wasn't even Dad talking.  I looked at him and said, 'You'd never do that.'  And he said of _course_ he wouldn't."  He'd started crying then, actually, but I'm not going to tell that part.  "He said he'd sooner do something like that than stop loving me, and since he wouldn't ever hurt me like that, then, well, duh."

 

I'm not telling this very good at all.  It's hard to tell a story when I can practically _see_ it all happening again in my mind, feel him shaking as he hugs me, pouring all that anger into grief instead of the other way around like I always do.  "I just...I can't explain it, but I kind of got it, then.  I still wasn't exactly looking forward to getting a brother, but I stopped hating it."  Stopped being afraid.  "And we got back in the car and drove up the lake until we reached the bait-and-tackle place, and we went fishing."

 

"Did you catch anything?" Xion asks.

 

"Heh, nope.  Neither of us had any clue what we were doing.  But it was fun anyway, just hanging out with Dad all afternoon."  And finally, finally not being mad at him anymore, and finally getting to see his awesome smile again, the smile that makes you feel like nothing's wrong in the world anywhere.  Even Roxas doesn't quite have that smile.  "Then we went back home and Mom had bought all this _awful_ junk for your room, Roxas, but I liked it because every time I looked at that horrible crib and the mobile and whatever, I knew it was there because Dad hadn't been there to stop her and make her get better ones.  Because he'd been with me instead."

 

"Were you still mad at me after I was born?" Roxas asks.

 

" _No way_.  I loved you as soon as I saw you, and I never stopped."

 

"Okay."  Satisfied, he goes back to lean against Aqua and be cuddled again.

 

I'm watching him...seeing Dad's face, Dad's blue eyes, even his hair's the exact same shade of honey-brown, the same uncombed spiky mess.  "Man, Roxas.  You look so freaking much like him."

 

"That's what everyone says," he answers in his Duh voice.

 

I can't see.  I've gone blind and I can't see a thing, because suddenly there are freaking tears in my eyes and I quickly get up and walk away before anyone notices.

 

I'm trekking past stone after stone and so many flowers, aimlessly determined, I haven't cried over Dad in so long, it caught me off guard.  The breeze has grown stronger, rushing past my skin and tossing my hair in and out of my face and making my clothes flap wildly around me.  _'I miss you...so...much.'_

 

I've been leaning against one of the trees for a while, trying to see if I can go back now or if the tears will start up again if I try.  There are footsteps behind me...I tense up, can't tell whether it's my uncle or my aunt, and I wish they'd go away because I'm not up to talking to anyone yet.

 

Whoever it is leans against the other side of the tree, and I wait resentfully.  Then he says in Saïx's quiet voice, "I've always liked their names.  _Ventus_ means 'wind' in Latin."

 

The tension immediately seems to drain out of my body.  I wonder why I don't mind at all that it's Saïx.  "Huh.  I didn't know that."  I glance back over my shoulder.  Past the strands of wind-teased blue hair drifting across his shoulders, I can see Terra and Aqua and the kids still hanging out with Dad.  "I wonder if that tree has anything to do with it."

 

"Hm?"

 

It kind of feels dumb telling him....  "Even when there's no wind, its leaves and branches still move like there is."

 

"Is that so," he murmurs thoughtfully.

 

"Yeah.  It's really weird."

 

"...Just as strange as the scent of vanilla rising in a place where no such plants grow."  He pauses, then adds a little self-consciously, "Perhaps."

 

I smile.  "I wonder how Dad would get along with your mom."

 

He doesn't say anything for a while.  Then, "It was a good story you told."

 

"Pffft, except for the part where I burst into tears at the end and ran off."

 

"...It's all right to grieve with us, you know."

 

"Says the guy who's been my brother for a whole year now and hasn't cried even once that I know of."

 

He makes an unhappy, slightly annoyed noise.  Then finally says, "I'm not ready."

 

It might be a little awkward somewhere else, but here in the cemetery it feels like the most natural thing in the world to come around and throw my arm over his shoulders.  "Well, one thing at a time, huh?"

 

He doesn't shrug me off, which I guess is his way of hugging me back.  "I think that would be best."

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  Some of the Power Rangers stuff was inspired by Taliax and Infamousplot. ^^

 

...This story is gonna have to double as my August 4th fic, because I'm likely going to have to give up on Pairing Days for at least the rest of the summer.  I had no idea how much time and energy they'd consume, and since June and the first half of July were pretty much eaten by Pairing Days, and the second half of July by family matters, I need to just give it up for August so that I can get more important stuff done (and so I can keep my sanity).  Time is ticking, summer vacation is passing quickly.  I really, really wanna do Riku/Naminé Day for some reason (December 8th), I'll be mad at myself if I don't succeed with DemXig, and I'll be gnashing my teeth if I miss LARXENE SUPER-DAY THAT WILL NEVER COME AGAIN EVER, but I'll probably just post the other Pairing Day plunnies as regular fics whenever I get a chance to finish them.

 

 **I had a lot of trouble coming up with pony names for Roxas & Xion - Taliax ended up figuring them out first and gave me permission to use them.  Rox is Sunset Keyblaze, and Xi is Dawncrest Tide. X3**  And dang it, I still haven't been able to post the draft I finished a long time ago that I originally needed Rox & Xi's pony names for!

**To Silence (again, did my best to avoid spoilers, not sure how successful I was):**   No problem - and, heh, at least you had plenty to read when you came back, right? ^^ And of course I answered such a long and heartfelt review, I was very happy to read it!

 

Ohhhhh, _crap_ , now you've scared me. XD I'm still not sure if I wanna post Kay's story when I'm able to write it, for the exact same reasons I didn't want to write it in the first place....

 

D: I hope you're not using anything about this fic for schoolwork!  Everything I've learned about this kind of thing is as a complete amateur. :/

 

Heh, I don't like **Lea** , either, but I do feel sorry for her now that I've gotten to know her, and...well, everyone else disliking her so much has kind of made me like her more. *sweatdrop* **The thing I absolutely hate the most and can't stand is her name. DX DX DX DX It's far too late to change it, but I'm really kicking myself now for being so flippant about giving her a canon name when she turned out to be such a horrible OC. Ugh.**

 

Anyway, I'm still actually trying to work all this out, and your review gave me some food for thought (so thank you for that!) - part of it is that Xem didn't know most of the things that were going on.  He started realizing that there was something wrong, and reluctantly (because it's a difficult thing for him to reconcile in his mind) started taking steps to try to deal with it, but he didn't find out about some things until after her death.  Even now, Xigbar and especially Van actually know more than he does. Well, and Xehanort, but Xehanort doesn't count because that jerk knows everything. Kay also quickly started schooling her speech depending on whoever she was talking to; there were only three, perhaps four people she was completely honest with, and Xem wasn't one of them.  **Oh, and because I realized that I never actually clarified this in any of the stories yet, Kay is the only person who still experiences the "doomgaze" effects even after "unlocking" it.**

 

"character is so fleshed out" But I haven't finished rounding out Kay (and Xem) yet, and I've only done a little of Lea! :O  Thank you for the compliment after that, though; that was really sweet of you. ;;

 

I shall take note of what you said about the poll! (You can vote for up to two choices, btw.) I put it up mainly to help me figure out the order I should post the 'parent' stories in when I've finished them (I'm hopefully going to shove them all up in one sitting, since they'll all probably be too freaking cringe worthy to post alone), but I think I know how I'm going to do that now.

 

Yay, a review! XD

 

I've been trying hard to show the good sides of all the parents, since they're usually so horrible (except Ven, of course) and I don't like how the bad side of their personalities seem to be over-emphasized.  They all have serious faults, but I didn't want any of them to be total monsters, either....  (Xehanort is the only one in this universe who is.)  With "Ferris Wheel," I was at least attempting to balance it out just a little more.  (And then the pre-"Hoof Prints" story is going to undo all my work on Kay because it's going to be posted later than it should have been, argh.)

 

........ *deletes paragraph of writer-angst about how OOC Saïx is in "Ferris Wheel"*  It...it's just...in this universe he's so different because he has a heart and he's a teenager and I'm working backward from canonSaïx rather than working forward from canonIsa, and I'm adding some interpretations of my own as well, but there's still a line that shouldn't be crossed for his characterization, and I think I crossed it in this story...there's just a limit to how nice Number VII can be. X(

 

Urk, I never meant for this series to be so depressing, it was all supposed to be cute humorous fluff, yet it turned into this horrible angsty soap opera. *covers face*  I'm glad that you still like it so much...if people like it, then it can't be as horrible as I think it is, I just can't seem to convince myself of that.

 

I'm glad it was apparent enough that Saïx wanted his brothers with him! ^^

 

Kay's actually the one who creeps me out a lot more than Lea does...but then, there's stuff about her I haven't posted yet, either.

 

Heeee, AkuSaiRokuShi makes me gooey, too. X3  That's why they're my OT4 (I honestly cannot decide if I like them or my OTP better), they're all just so friggin' adorable together, and it's not the _same_ if any of the four are missing.

 

Yussss, MLP ftw.  I swear, I don't even like the show all that much and have only seen less than twenty episodes, but I LOVE referencing it, it's absolutely hilarious. X3 Heheh, Xion, Axel, and Roxas have been doing their best, but Saïx still hasn't budged on his anti-pony position. :p

 

"I imagine the stuff they do at Ven's grave would make Xem go into cardiac arrest, it's so disrespectful." XD

 

"Hoof Prints" is pretty much the only Stepsibs story I truly like and still enjoy reading, even though it's been a while since I wrote it.  I _should_ feel really, really bad for Saïx, but...I keep laughing too hard to feel sorry for him. *sweatdrop*  His entire thought process as soon as he saw the prints was pretty much a loop of, "MUST GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE," hence the rambling to try to justify it and cover it up.... ^^;  Helps to have an extremely understanding and cooperative little sister.

 

 **Btw, what Kay and later Xigbar did/said to Saïx to make him afraid of Santa Claus will probably come off as anticlimactic** \- I was supposed to have posted that story before "Hoof Prints" (it was supposed to be Van's debut, too; argh), but I haven't finished writing it yet. :/

 

"Axel throwing his Frisbees at Santa's face screaming " FOR MY BRA(Bro)!"" XD XD XD This needs fanart so bad....  If you draw it, I would very much love to see it!!! :D

 

DX DX DX Still haven't decided whether or not I'll post the hostage story yet (still haven't finished typing it, either; gah).  (I swear, I don't _try_ to write stuff like this, it just comes to me. And the thing I hate most about it is that it was conceived as a humor fic, which is incredibly disrespectful. *concussion-inducing headdesk*)  The only thing I'm certain about is that there's no way I'll ever let the full version see the light of day, so anything that makes it into public will be heavily censored.  (Plus, it's stupid.  I mean, the plot/setup/etc. is just stupid, there was no good reason for me to write it except to make it stop writing itself in my head.)

 

There you go complimenting me again. ;;  On the one hand, I love that you love these stories so much, it makes me really happy, but on the other hand, I can't stand it because I'm so self-conscious....  Every time I re-read most of my own stories, including the majority of the Stepsibs ones, all I see are the mistakes and, just, all the evidence that I'm getting it wrong and have no idea what I'm talking about, so it simultaneously shames me that people are reading this horrible stuff yet makes me really happy that it seems to mean so much to other people in a positive way. So...thank you...I really am glad you like them.  And of course this is fanfiction, the reason I so enjoy writing in the Stepsibsverse (ftr, I LOVE writing in the Stepsibsverse, I just don't like re-reading what I wrote XD) is because I adore this group of characters so much.  They, and Kingdom Hearts in general, have a lot of meaning for _me_ , too.  This is just my way of being more of a fan, of trying to articulate some of what touches me so much about these characters....  Even when I make them horribly OOC and the real Saïx especially is worlds away from how I've come to write him, it's still an experience for me, too, as a fellow KH fan. :)

 

Holy cow, you almost forgot about KH3D because of this? XD  ***spoiler warning?*** But AkuSai's only got ONE SCENE in that game, and it's a stupid angsty one. *pouts*  Stupid Nomura, stupid canon, why can't my boys be happyyyyy?

 

:O :O :O 8D OH-EM-GEE THERE'S AN AKUSAI KEYBLADE???????? *must have picture*  Or do you mean Bond of Flame from KH2...?  Saïx didn't have a Keychain, though.... *wants*


	28. ~Bound by Moonlight: Saïx and Roxas {Saix}

Introduction:  ....... orz  The short version is that _Bound by Fire_ and the omake are for Tali, and _Bound by Moonlight_ is because I have OCD ** _._**

**_Bound by Moonlight_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Part 1 of 5:  Saïx and Roxas (rough draft)**

 

_For Saïx/Roxas Day, 13 July 2012_

 

Summary:  Saïx is forced to play nursemaid.

 

A/N:  _Stepsiblings_ AU (because Saïx actually took care of Xion when she got sick as a kid, and is therefore not clueless like he is in this story).  Saïx's POV.  Takes place soon after _The Scent of Vanilla_.

 

o.o.o

 

I was a little surprised that Axel actually _tore himself away from Roxas_ for several hours when the boy was ill, but...well, he compensated.  He had already promised Xion a "date" with just the two of them - it was supposed to make up for having "abandoned" her a couple of weeks ago when he'd been angry at me for not telling him we were going to visit Mother.  He had stormed off with Roxas and apparently spent half the night wandering around town with their cousins, and when I told him how upset Xion had been at being left behind, he had immediately sworn she would get "the princess treatment."

 

So now the two of them were out, and Roxas was sick, and Axel had forced me to act as his substitute, but as soon as he'd left the driveway his mother had barred me from Roxas's room, but Roxas still kept calling for me, and I just _wanted everyone to leave me alone so I could finish this essay in peace_.

 

Lea's cell phone rang.  I heard her go downstairs to answer it, continued to hear her ranting in a low voice as she paced the rooms down there.

 

"Axel," Roxas called again, sounding on the verge of tears.

 

I sighed deeply, set _Lord of the Flies_ down yet again, and trudged back to his room.  "For the tenth time, Axel is not here."

 

"Why aren't you?" he sobbed dryly, reaching for me.  I took his hand and held it until he fell back asleep.  Then I could hear Lea thundering up the stairs, so I hurried back to my room before she could catch me in the vicinity of her "precious."

 

I tried to resume work, but she was making so much noise, it was distracting.  Closet and bathroom doors slamming, water running, a sound like metal links hitting tile, muffled curses--

 

This was fruitless.  I finally shut the laptop and went downstairs to find something to eat.  _'I knew I should have gone with Ralph, there is not_ nearly _enough material on the twins to flesh out the thesis.  I've only got 500 words so far, how in the world am I going to double that...?'_

 

Lea came galloping back downstairs again.  "Saïx!" she shouted.

 

It took me a moment to respond - I was so unused to her calling for me.

 

"SAIX, get out here _now_!"

 

Well, if she insisted.  I got up, and we nearly collided unexpectedly at the kitchen threshold.  She shrieked in frightened surprise and shoved her purse over my eyes so hard that my back hit the wall.

 

There was a long pause.  "Did you need me for something?" I asked, still blinded.

 

"I'm going out," she said tightly.  "Don't tell Xem or Axel."  She paused.  "Or Xion.  Or anyone."

 

I was not going to promise.  "You're going to leave Roxas when he's ill?"

 

She pressed the purse harder against my face.  "You had _better_ not let anything bad happen to him," she hissed.  "If you do, I'll...."

 

She made a threat to my anatomy that might have bothered me if I'd thought she had any chance of actually carrying it out.

 

"Noted."

 

"I'll be back later."

 

"All right."

 

"...Shut your eyes."

 

"Fine."

 

She backed off cautiously.  When I opened my eyes, she was giving me a wary look from the entryway.  Our gazes only met for a moment before she whirled and practically fled for the front door.

 

As soon as she was gone and I had cleaned and straightened my glasses, I went back upstairs to see how my younger brother was faring.  He was awake again, crying despondently.  As soon as he saw me, he reached out both arms in a desperate way and said, with much difficulty, "Saïx...I don't...feel...good...."

 

I sat down on the edge of the bed and only meant to take his hand again, but he practically draped himself across my lap and hugged me tightly, crying with no restraint this time.

 

"...."  I finally patted his head, not sure what else to do.  "Axel will be back soon...."  Hopefully.

 

"I...don't feel...good...."

 

I looked at the medicines on the bedside table and picked them up to read the labels.  After studying them carefully, I finally asked, "How, exactly, do you not feel well?"

 

"I don't...feel good...."

 

"Yes, Roxas, I am aware of this.  I'm asking you _how_."

 

"Saïx...help...."

 

I sighed.  "That is what I'm trying to do at this moment, Roxas.  Is it your head that hurts?"

 

"...My head...my stomach...everything...."

 

Well, 'everything' was not helpful.  "Roxas, this bottle is for inflammatory pain.  This one is for nausea, and these are vitamins.  This one is a decongestant, and this one is a sleep aid.  _I don't know which one to give you_ unless you explain to me _exactly what is wrong_."

 

He just kept crying, without even attempting to answer this time.  I finally sighed and pulled out my phone.  I did not dare call Axel to tell him that the center of his universe was suffering, so after some thought, I called his aunt and uncle's house instead.

 

_"Hello?"_

 

"Hello, Terra.  It's Saïx."

 

_"Hey, what's up!"_

 

"A lot.  Is Ella home?  I need to speak with her urgently...."

 

 _"No, she's actually out right now; sorry, kiddo."_   I would never get used to Axel's relatives' nicknames and endearments for me.  _"Is someone crying?"_

 

"It's Roxas....  He's ill, no one else is home, and I am...not...prepared to handle this."

 

"Axel," Roxas wailed.

 

_"Man, sounds rough.  What's his temperature?"_

 

"...I have no idea."  Terra started to walk me through it, but Roxas was not cooperative, and I had not successfully gotten the thermometer into his mouth before he suddenly pushed my hand away again and emptied his stomach all over both of us, the bed, and the floor.

 

I stared, unable to react for a while.  Roxas wiped his mouth on his sleeve.  "I feel better now," he said tiredly.  He laid his head back against me and went to sleep.

 

"...Terra."  I certainly _did not_ intend for that to come out sounding like a whimper.

 

Terra was _laughing_.  I was sorely tempted to hang up on him, but I still - desperately - needed his help.  _"Well, at least he's not crying anymore."_

 

"T...e...rra...."

 

_"Did he get any on you?"_

 

"It's EVERYWHERE."

 

More laughing.

 

"I AM NOT AMUSED BY THIS, and I see no reason why you should be, either."

 

_"Geez, okay!  What are you doing, doomgazing the phone?"_

 

What?

 

_"Okay, look, sorry to break it to you, Sai, but you're going to have to clean things up, and your hands are gonna get dirty."_

 

This is all Axel's fault and I'm going to kill him.

 

I managed to get both Roxas and myself into clean clothes, and to put fresh sheets on the bed.  _"Get him to brush his teeth, too; it's not good to leave that stuff in his mouth."_

 

Roxas was incredibly peevish and uncooperative upon being awakened again, and as I held him over the sink with my hand gripped around his, practically brushing his teeth for him as he screamed threats around the toothbrush, I prayed that no one would pick this moment to return home.  They didn't, fortunately.

 

The carpet was harder to clean.  _"Ella always tells me to press, don't scrub."_

 

"I've tried pressing AND scrubbing, it's _not coming out_.  I am also doing an impressive job of not mentioning the smell."

 

It did not help when Roxas started crying again.  "Saïx...my head hurts...."

 

When was Axel going to come back.  _When_.

 

Once I felt comfortable enough to hang up for the last time, I sat back down with Roxas and set my palm against his forehead to gauge his temperature.  He reached up and pressed my hand even harder against his head.  "Your hand is cold," he murmured appreciatively.

 

"...Let me wet the cloth again."

 

"Don't go away...."

 

"I'll be right back."  I went to run the washcloth under the faucet in the bathroom, and found Roxas crying softly when I came back.  "I'm _right here_ ," I said in exasperation.

 

"Saïx, I don't feel good."

 

"If you're going to throw up again, do it in the bucket, please."

 

"Saïx, I want to play."

 

"You can't."

 

"I KNOW I can't!" he screamed.  "I'm too sick to play and I'm dying and I want Axel and Mommy and I _hate it_!!!"

 

"You're not dying.  Don't cry."

 

"Saïx...read me a story...."

 

I confess I was tempted to go fetch _Lord of the Flies_ , but that would be unduly cruel.  "Nothing with ponies."

 

"Read me the bat book."

 

"What?"

 

"You know.  The one where she loses her mom and she falls in the birds' nest and they all become brothers and sisters."

 

So I read _Stellaluna_ to him, then a few chapters of something called _The Mouse and the Motorcycle_ , until I grew hoarse and looked up to find him asleep again.  His skin still felt hot, but he seemed to be doing all right for now.

 

I brought my laptop and settled down by Roxas's bed to finally get back to work.  Something about all this felt familiar....

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  Because Saïx already took care of sick Roxas in _Christmas at the Castle_. XD

 

Heh, the only reason this got written and posted on time is because today I was stuck in a waiting room for an hour or two with a notebook and pen.  I don't have high hopes for SaiShi Day tomorrow, unless I stumble across a much shorter plunny.

 

**Ftr, I do not condone one's "center of the universe" being anyone or anything other than the obvious.  Again, though, I write according to character flow, not according to my own beliefs.**

 

Roxas didn't literally think he was dying, but I couldn't figure out how to word it in a way that clarified that but was still IC.


	29. Bound by Fire: Axel, Saïx, Roxas, & Xion {Roxas, Axel, Saix, & Xion}

**_Bound by Fire_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Part 6 of 6 - Axel, Saïx, Roxas, & Xion (rough draft)**

Summary:  Seven-year-old Xion and six-year-old Roxas decide to pick up their teenage big brothers from school.

 

A/N:  _Stepsiblings_ universe.  Starts out in Roxas's simplistic third person style, later switches to first person with Axel.  Then, because I couldn't help it, I went and added sections to be narrated by Saïx and Xion, too. *sweatdrop*

 

o.o.o

 

**Part 1 - Roxas**

 

Xion and the teachers called them "early release" days, but Roxas knew they were just half days.  Instead of having to wait alllllll the way until the big hand was on the 8 and the little hand was on the 2, they got to leave school RIGHT AFTER LUNCH.  It was awesome.

 

"I don't _understand_ ," Roxas's teacher said for the millionth time.  Xion's teacher was standing next to her, looking mad.  "Both of your names are on the after-school care list, but you both also have notes saying you're supposed to ride the bus home."

 

"I called their father," Xion's teacher said.  "Mr. Acerbi said that they're to stay here and will be picked up at the regular time."

 

"Xem's not my dad," Roxas told her.  "My dad's dead.  We give him cake and flowers and potato chips.  Xem's my _stepdad_."

 

They ignored him, like usual.  Axel and Saïx were the only grown-ups who ever listened to him much.  Except they weren't really real grown-ups yet, so Roxas was kind of afraid they'd stop listening to him when they grew up for real.

 

"But I called their mother - Roxas's mother, whatever," his teacher was saying, "and she said they ride the bus."

 

"Yes, because we all know how reliable Roxas's mother is," Xion's teacher said, rolling her eyes.  Mommy sometimes slapped Axel when he did that and said "Don't you dare roll your eyes at me!" so Roxas wished he could slap this lady, too.  But when you did things like that at school, you got sent to the time-out chair or to the principal, and Mommy and Xem would get mad, so he didn't hit her.

 

"I'm going to call again," said Roxas's teacher, but Mommy didn't answer this time and neither did Xem.  "They're saying that Mr. Acerbi's in a meeting," she said, looking mad, "and now I can't get hold of Mrs. Acerbi at all."

 

"Mommy is Ms. Hayes-King," Roxas grumbled, even though everyone kept telling him that was wrong now.

 

"But they got married," Xion said, patting his head.  "Now she's Mrs. Acerbi because she's Daddy's wife."

 

"She wasn't Mrs. Acerbi before.  That's stupid."

 

"Maybe she's Mrs. Hayes-King Acerbi."

 

"Yeah, maybe."  He wondered curiously how many names he could get if he had a lot of kids and married a lot of people.

 

The teachers were still talking like they didn't exist.  "What about those boys who always pick them up?  They're the older brothers, right?"

 

"Doesn't matter, they're not legal guardians."

 

"Saïx is my guardian," Xion said, but they ignored her, too.

 

Someone on the walkie talkie said that the buses were about to leave.

 

"How about this," Roxas's teacher decided.  "We'll put them on the bus, and if there's no one waiting for them, the driver can bring them back to school."

 

"I don't wanna come back to school!" Roxas yelled, and they told him to be quiet.

 

Xion was really, really excited because it was the first time she had ever ridden a school bus in her life.  "It's so big!" she yelled as they climbed up the steps.

 

"It's smelly," Roxas said.

 

"Roxas and Xion will be riding home with you, here's their address," Roxas's teacher said and gave the driver a card, but then she suddenly ran back down the steps and started yelling at a kid who had just punched some other kid on the sidewalk.

 

The bus was full of lots and lots of kids, so they had to squish together in a seat with another boy who was kneeling backwards, talking real loud to the kids in the seat behind them.  The bus driver kept telling the kid to sit down.

 

"It's really loud," Xion said.  Roxas covered her ears for her, and she smiled at him really big.  He liked making her smile, it felt like he was the older one for a change instead of always having to be the baby.

 

The bus drove for a long time.  It got quieter and quieter as kids kept leaving, and finally Roxas and Xion were the only ones left on the bus.  Roxas was playing ponies with her because there was no one else to see.

 

"Holy cow," the driver whistled, "you kids live in a nice part of town."

 

"Xem's rich," Roxas said.  He pointed Katana like a gun and made shooting noises.  "Bwshbwshbwshbwshbwsh!  The dragon's dead."

 

"Oh NOOO!" Xion cried in horror.  "I'm sorry, Mr. Dragon!  My friend Glimmerbreeze-I-mean-Katana is really a nice person, he just likes guns too much and gets carried away!  Quick, Glim-- Katana, let's weep tears of healing so the dragon won't die!"

 

"If we cry on someone who got shot, he'll come back?" Roxas asked interestedly, and mentally filed the new rule away for future reference.

 

"Well, here we are," the driver said doubtfully, pulling up in front of the house.  "Is there anyone to pick you up?"

 

"I dunno," said Roxas.

 

"Let's check," said Xion.

 

They went out and ran across the yard and rang the doorbell a lot.  Nothing happened.

 

"Let's see if Mom left the back window open again," Xion said.

 

They ran around the house and yanked on the window.  It went up.  "Ta da!" Roxas said proudly, and started to climb in.

 

REET REET REET REET REET!!!!!! the house yelled.  Xion screamed and clapped her hands over her ears, and Roxas was so surprised that he fell out into the yard again.

 

"The alarm went off," he realized.

 

The bus driver ran up, looking scared.  "C'mon, kids, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, back on the bus...!"

 

They went back on the bus and drove away fast.  The bus was really noisy and rattly.  They drove and drove, then they stopped and the driver sat there with his face in his hands, breathing funny.

 

"Are you okay?" Roxas asked, wondering if he should try to cry on him to make him feel better.  But maybe that only worked on people who got shot.

 

"What am I gonna do?" the bus driver asked.  "Is it okay to just take them back to school?  I'm not gonna get in trouble, right?"

 

"I don't wanna go back to school," Roxas told him loudly.

 

Xion gasped, looking happy.  "I know!  I know!  Roxas, do you not want to go to _any_ school, or just our school?"

 

"I hate school," he said.

 

Then she looked sad.  "Oh.  Never mind, then."

 

Now he was curious.  "What were you gonna say?"

 

"Well...I was just thinking...it's only an early release day for me and you, right?  Saïx and Axel are still at their school like usual."

 

"Oh yeah!"

 

The driver didn't look very happy and he still looked a little scared, but he drove them to the high school and dropped them off and waited until they ran into the front office.

 

"Hi!" Xion told the ladies at the front desk.

 

The desk ladies gasped and cooed like most ladies (and Axel) did whenever Roxas and Xion made their Cute Faces.  "Oooooh!  Who are _you_ , sweetheart?"

 

"I'm Xion!  This is my little brother, Roxas."

 

"I'm not that little," he reminded her.

 

"We came to pick up our big brothers!"

 

All the ladies laughed a whole lot.  "Did you, now?"

 

"Yup.  Saïx Sirius Acerbi and Axel Doo--  Day...."

 

"Deucalion," Roxas said proudly.  Axel's middle name was really hard, but Roxas knew how to say it right because he was smart.  "Axel Deucalion Hayes is my brother.  We're gonna sign them out and take them home with us, because it's our turn this time."

 

"They are just too _cuuuute_!" one of the ladies yelled, and the rest were all laughing again.

 

**Part 2 - Axel**

 

My partner and I are allegedly analyzing a poem when an office aide walks in to give a note to the teacher.  I don't think much of it until Ms. Taft calls my name.  "Axel, they want you in the front office."

 

"Huh?"  I glance at my partner - out of reflex, as if he has any more of a clue what it's about than I do - but he just shrugs.  "Okay.  Am I going home?"

 

"No, leave your things."

 

Out in the courtyard, I'm surprised to see Saïx heading up from the elective wing.  "Oi, Sai!"

 

He glances up at me.  _surprise curiosity apprehension confusion_   "Did you get called out of class as well?"

 

"Yeah.  You have any idea what it's about?"

 

 _uncertainty discontent_ "...."  _fear anxiety apprehension desperation_ and then his Angstland stuff starts up again.

 

I get a bad feeling.

 

"Today was an early release day at the elementary schools.  I hope that nothing happened to Xion and Roxas.  If their school's staff had trouble reaching our parents--"

 

I don't even remember to reply, I run the rest of the way to the office and burst through the doors as if there's a fire in the hall behind me.

 

"There he is!"

 

"Axel!"

 

My darling little brother and sister, romping toward me like a pair of puppies and looking completely unhurt.  For a second I want to throttle Saïx for scaring me, but then the confusion sets in.  What in the world are these two _doing_ here?

 

"We came to pick you up," Xion says importantly.

 

I'm already kneeling down to hug Roxas.  "You came to... _huh_?"  Xion wants into the hug too for a second, but just when I'm putting my arm around her, her face lights up and she breaks free again to pounce on Saïx, who's just come through the door.

 

" _There_ you are!"

 

"Are you all right, Xion?" he asks sharply.

 

"We're fine, nobody died," she assures him.

 

"Who said anything about dying?" he bursts out indignantly, but I smile a little because he has no idea just how much we can pick up from those eyes of his.  I think the kids might be even better at it than I am.

 

"It seems like there was some sort of mix-up at their school," one of the secretaries says.  "No one can reach Mr. or Mrs. Acerbi, and they couldn't stay alone at home, so they were dropped off here."

 

"The alarm went off," Roxas tells me.  "Mommy left the back window open again.  I tried to climb in, but the house got mad."

 

"You got kicked out, huh?" I say absently, still holding him.

 

"How did they get here?" Saïx demands.  There's an uneasy rustling, and I know the secretaries are scared of him.

 

"They...well...."

 

"The bus dropped us off," Xion explains.  "Saïx, I rode a _school bus_!  It was so cool!"

 

"The driver of an elementary school bus dropped you off _here_?" Saïx says in disbelief.

 

Roxas runs to the window.  "He drove away," he observes, not looking as if he particularly cares.  "I hope he's not scared anymore so I don't have to cry on him."

 

There is a very long pause.

 

"Right," Saïx finally says.  "So now what are we supposed to do?"

 

"We sign the clipboard!" Xion crows triumphantly.  "The ladies showed me!"  She runs to grab it off the front desk.

 

"Xion," Saïx starts to say, but then Xi is trotting back to him, flinging herself to the floor at his feet.  Roxas comes over and plops down, too.

 

"Vvvviiiiissssiiiitooorrr," Xion reads obnoxiously.  "Ssssiiii--"  She pauses.  "Siginin.  Saïx, what's siginin?"

 

"It's 'sign-in,' but stop that; give me the clipboard."

 

"No!  I get to do it this time!"

 

They're cracking me up.  I watch as Xion grips the pen tight and carves Saïx's name into the paper.

 

"Put two dots on the i," Roxas reminds her.

 

"Yeah, I know," she says amiably.

 

"Gimme the pen, I get to do Axel."

 

"Okay."

 

Roxas writes an A.  Then he writes an L.

 

"NO!" I yell.  "It's X!  _X_!"

 

Roxas stops, confused.

 

"You're writing 'Alexa,'" Xion giggles.

 

"Oops."  Roxas scratches the whole thing out, pauses, writes another A, pauses, then takes a deep breath and proudly takes up three for four rows with the next letter.  "I remembered the X," he says proudly.

 

"Good job, Rox!" I say, watching the _IMPATIENCE_ writhing in Saïx's eyes.  "Now an E."

 

The two of us are finally 'signed out.'  On the visitor sign-in sheet, but whatever.

 

"Yay, we did it!" Xion cheers.  "We get to take you home now."

 

"Xion, there are still several hours left before dismissal," Saïx says flatly.  "We're not going anywhere."

 

"The kids can't either, though," I muse.  "What are we gonna do, take 'em with us to class?"

 

And so, a few minutes later, I'm strolling back into English class with my six-year-old little brother in tow.  "I'm back," I tell Ms. Taft.  "This is Roxas."

 

She stares down at him.

 

He absently grips a fistful of my uniform and stares back.

 

"He's kinda stranded today," I explain, "so I had to bring him to class.  He'll be good."  I'd talked to Roxas a lot on the way here.  _"_ Be good _, be really, really, really good, or they'll kick you out and you'll be all alone on the streets and I won't get to see you."_   Not mentioning, of course, that if Roxas actually _did_ get kicked off campus - which probably wouldn't happen, - I'd be right on his heels without even sparing a thought for my truancy record.

 

"He looks like a kindergartener," she says blankly.

 

"I'm a FIRST grader," Roxas corrects sullenly.

 

She suddenly narrows her (mischievously sparkling) eyes, crouches down to his level, and says sternly, "If you _dare_ distract your big brother from his schoolwork, or make any fart noises or pick your nose, I won't let you leave this room until you've written out a copy of that _entire Shakespeare book_ ," she says, pointing.

 

Roxas grips my uniform even harder and tries to disappear behind me.  "I can't write a book."

 

"Then I guess you'd better behave~," she sing-songs.

 

"Okay."

 

"He'll be good," I promise.  "Really."

 

I turn around to go back to my desk and realize that we're surrounded by adoring fangirls.  Except they're not after me for once.

 

"He is so cuuuuuteee!!!"

 

"Axel," Roxas whimpers, "I said I'd be good.  Don't let them eat me."

 

"Maybe you should stop looking so eatable," I suggest, picking him up for safety.

 

"He's like a little dolllll!"

 

"Just _look_ at that adorable sulky face!"

 

"Aw, don't be scared, cutie, we _love_ you!"

 

Roxas hides his face and mumbles "Make them go away" into my neck.

 

"Sorry, Rox...."  Maybe it was a bad idea to pick him up - they're all practically dying of squee as they stare at me holding him.  "Hey," I tell them, "I need to analyze my poem."

 

They all burst into laughter, but finally Ms. Taft shoos them away and we all pretty much get back to work.  "So," I say.  Roxas is sitting on the floor, drawing a picture of ponies shooting guns and arrows at each other on the back of my copy of the poem.  "What was the first line, again?"  Because we never actually read the poem, but now I want to at least pretend I'm being busy so that Roxas doesn't get in trouble.

 

My partner squints at his copy of the paper, which is pretty bedraggled-looking since he's been tearing bits off the edges to use for spitballs.  "I dunno.  _'Come to me, O ye children!'_ "

 

"Huh?"

 

"That's the first line."  I tug the paper closer and skim through the rest of the poem.  _'Ah! what would the world be to us if the children were no more?  We should dread the desert behind us worse than the dark before.'_

 

I get an uncomfortable image in my head of Roxas and Xion dead.  _'That's what Sai sees,'_ I suddenly realize.  He'd seen Xion almost dead before, for real.  He'd seen his _mother_ dead, no almost about it.  Years ago, before we'd met them.  _"We're fine, nobody died,"_ Xion had told him earlier.  Maybe that's what he sees in his mind, every time he thinks that she and now Roxas are in danger, the same thing I'm picturing now.

 

 _'Ye are better than all the ballads that ever were sung or said,'_ the end of the poem says.  _'For ye are living poems, and all the rest are dead.'_   That's...a good thing, right?  It's not...it's not literally 'dead,' he just means...words on paper...different from living flesh, from children who can still walk and speak and watch me with blue eyes full of expression....

 

"Axel, why are you looking at me like that?" Roxas asks curiously.

 

"Quit spacing out, man," my partner complains.  "Hurry up and figure out what it means."

 

"Uh, we're partners?" I remind him, trying to shake myself out of it.  Roxas is _fine_.  "You're supposed to, yanno, _help_ me figure out what it means."

 

I'm glad that lunch is next, because I really, really want to see Xion right now.  When I first came to this school, I made fun of Saïx for 'hiding' that way he does, eating alone outside with a book when he could be inside with other people.  But I found out pretty quickly....

 

The less snooty girls are always all over me, they think I'm hot (well, 'cuz I am, heh), and they get a kick out of how I can deal with Saïx in a way no other idiot at this school has figured out yet.  They give me messages for him, mostly stupid ones that I don't bother passing on, and flirt with me like crazy.  But they're kind of annoying, and the sad thing is that they're the best I have.  The girls who are more full of themselves look down on me, like I'm some kind of grubby intruder on their turf because of my mom's 'trashy' family.

 

Most of the guys here are the same, except they also hate me because they hate Saïx.  Saïx scares the heck out of everyone, and so the ones with the most to prove try to make his life miserable when they get the chance.  A lot easier when they can get his eyes covered.  The first couple of times I saw it happen, I just threw myself in there without a second's thought.  I got in more trouble than I would have back at the public school, though; not just with the school, but with Mom _and_ Xem.

 

So I behave now, which means I couldn't defend myself when they went after me for revenge, but...heh.  Saïx always has my back.  It used to surprise me, since he's usually so...Saïxey.  But Xion's right.  Doesn't matter whether he actually likes you or not; once you belong to him, he'll crush anyone who tries to hurt you.  The two of us can be like night and day, it's enough to make me want to punch him sometimes, but as far as protecting our family goes, we've always been in perfect agreement.

 

So yeah, Saïx and I don't eat in the cafeteria.

 

I have to go in there to buy something for Rox, though.  He already ate at his own school, but if I ever try to eat in front of him, he'll get bored and start picking pieces off my own meal whether he's hungry or not.  In the line, one or two guys comment on "the midget," and girls keep cooing at him or reaching over to try to pat down his spiky hair.  He keeps batting them away like they're flies.  "What do you want to eat, Rox-my-socks?" I ask, hoisting him up so he can see the lunch choices.

 

"I want Jell-o."

 

I laugh.  "Okay, but what _else_ do you want to eat?"

 

"Umm...that and that and that," he says, pointing.

 

As the lady is handing me the little disposable dishes to put on our tray, someone suddenly grabs me around the waist at exactly Xion height, which is the only reason I don't freak out and hit whoever it is.  "Hey, princess," I say, looking down and glad that I was right.

 

She's beaming up at me adorably.  "Hi, Axel!"

 

"You want anything to eat, too?"

 

"No, I'm not hungry," she says, still hugging me.

 

"Roxas got some Jell-o, you want some of that, too?"

 

"Oh, yeah!  No, wait, a cookie!  Or...um, I don't know."

 

"I'll get you both, Xi, how does that sound?"

 

"Yay!  I love you!"

 

"So if I didn't buy you Jell-o and a cookie, you wouldn't love me?" I tease.

 

She stares at me.  "I love you always forever."

 

"Awesome."

 

Saïx is waiting for us, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, face turned away so his fake doomgaze won't bother the lunch ladies.  It's bothering other people, though, which is stupid because he's not doomgazing for real, the only thing in his eyes is boredom.  The girls at the table closest to him are hunched together gossiping in self-defense, the guys father down are glaring at him.

 

It's kind of hilarious, watching their expressions change to shock and amazement when our little sister goes running right up to him.  "Sai-Sai!  Axel bought me junk food!"

 

"Splendid," he says sarcastically, reaching to take her hand.  I swear, the 'Lovely Item' thing actually does work:  he's standing there in all his glaring scar-faced glory, but he actually looks cute just because he's got an adorable seven-year-old girl swinging off the end of his arm.

 

"I already ate my real lunch, so it's okay."

 

He makes a noncommittal grunt.

 

"I can give you half my cookie, too."

 

"I do not want half of your cookie."

 

"Pleeeaaase, Sai-Sai, eat half a cookie?"

 

This is fun, and I'm curious.  "Hey, Rox," I say, "run over and make Sai-Sai pick you up."

 

"Why?"

 

"To make me laugh."

 

He shrugs and goes over and lifts up his arms.  "Pick me up, Saïx."

 

"Why?"

 

"To make Axel laugh."

 

Saïx glares over at me, and I grin back and indicate with my eyes the way half the cafeteria is staring at him with the two small children.  "No."

 

Roxas plops down on his foot and wraps both arms tightly around his leg.  "Try to walk now," he challenges.

 

Saïx makes a huge sigh and gives in.  "Stop that.  I'll pick you up."

 

"Yay!  I love you, Saïx!" Roxas says mischievously.

 

"DO NOT even think of starting that up, too."

 

"Or what~?" is the challenge.

 

Saïx pauses.  Then suddenly scoops him up over his shoulder and marches over to the trash can in this Really Businesslike way.

 

"No!  No!  Wait!" Roxas screams, except I can barely understand him because he's laughing almost too hard to speak.  "Noooo, don't throw me awayyyyy...!"  I think Sai is actually going more for the Ultimate Pit Of Germs angle, but whatever works.

 

I quickly herd them all outside before anyone can get Saïx arrested for fake child abuse or something.  The sky's clear, a little hot but it's fine with shade.  Xion insists that we're having a 'picnic,' and uses my school jacket to spread out on the grass under a tree when Saïx refuses to lend her his.  Mr. Prim-and-proper insists on keeping his entire uniform together even in this weather.

 

Roxas sits in my lap at first like he usually does, but polishes off his Jell-o in, like, a minute, and the rest of his food in less than ten, then gets bored.  He and Xion start trying to collect ants, with Xion constantly shrieking for him not to hurt them until she finally assigns him the task of keeping them all together in a tiny makeshift corral.  Saïx is watching the two of them as if he has absolutely no clue how he ended up related to them.  I'm watching the three of them and just...I dunno.  Enjoying them.  They're so cute.  I love them all so much.

 

Saïx's gaze shifts, and I look over my shoulder to see a group of girls - some of the giggly ones who like me - making their way over to us.  They stop abruptly, giggling more than ever in this nervous kind of way.  I can't decide whether I want them to brave out Saïx's eyes or get scared off.  Eventually they win, and cautiously keep coming over until their shadows cover the ant corral.

 

Roxas looks up in annoyance.  "Get out of the sun, I can't see the ponies."

 

They all shriek with laughter.  Then about five of them descend on him, and I can't rescue him because three are clinging adoringly to my shoulders, a couple of them are cuddling a happy Xion, and one of them has even crept apprehensively up to Saïx, who's leaning away as if she has cooties.

 

"Can we sit with you guys?" one of them giggles in my ear.

 

"Umm...."

 

"Get off me!  I'm not cute!" Roxas yells.

 

"Yes, you are~," they sing, fluffing his hair in that way he hates.

 

"I'm cute," Xion purrs, basking.

 

"Yes, you are~," the girls purr back, snuggling her like the big sisters she'll never have.

 

"We're trying to eat," Saïx growls.

 

"Can I feed you?" his fangirl asks interestedly.

 

_shock horror disgust desperation_

 

"Saïx," one of the others says, "I never knew you were so good with kids."

 

"I'm not."  He's edging closer to Roxas, who wriggles free and presses close to him, pulling Saïx's school jacket around himself protectively.  Saïx looks like he minds _way_ less than usual.  The girls are taking pictures now.  ...I kinda don't blame 'em.

 

"So _cute_!"

 

"Is he your little brother, Saïx?"

 

He glares.  _embarrassment pride_   "All four of us are siblings."

 

"Oooooh!"

 

"I didn't know that!"

 

"Yeah."  I manage to get free and scoot closer to my brothers.  "The kids are hanging out with us today."

 

Xion finally catches on that the rest of us aren't exactly basking in the attention, and crawls over to join us.  Saïx and I don't even look at each other, we just move close until the kids are nestled safely between us.

 

"Why haven't you brought them sooner?"

 

"They're adorable!"

 

"Axel," Xion whispers, not quietly enough, "is it bad I'm adorable?"

 

"If you wanna go get cuddled some more," I whisper back, "go ahead."

 

"Nope.  I wanna stay with you."  She links one arm through mine and the other through Saïx's, and grins at the girls.  "My big brothers are really cool."

 

They burst into laughter again.

 

"Yup!"

 

"That they are...."

 

"Hotties, too."

 

Xion cocks her head.  "Saïx, what's a hottie?"

 

"It means they come to your house and push him down on the couch and kiss him so he ignores you," Roxas grumbles.

 

Whaaaat?!  "When did that ever happen!?"

 

"The girl with the curly hair who smelled like fruit."

 

Ummmm...that doesn't...narrow it down much....  "I never ignored you!"

 

"Yes, you did.  I came in and said Axel play with me, and you said Mmmn, and she said Tell me you love me, and you said Mom's coming home soon, and I said I'll tell Mommy you wouldn't play with me, and she said Well we'd better hurry, and you said Ummm I think, but you didn't finish, and I threw a balloon at your head, and you didn't say anything but you and her were wrestling with your shirt, so I gave up and went away and then Mommy came home and you all were yelling and you were mad and came to play with me but I was mad too so then you were sad and you gave me ice cream and I was happy again."

 

There's a long silence.  I drop my face down on Saïx's shoulder even though he's staring _disbelief disgust_ at me.  "Fail," I mutter under my breath, "fail, fail, fail...."

 

"Ooooh," half the girls finally crow, and they're laughing.  "Can _we_ wrestle with your shirt, Akuseru-kun~?"

 

"Ladies," Saïx says in his coldest voice, "have some respect for my young siblings, please."

 

"D'awww...."

 

"Okay, Sai-Sai."

 

I can _feel_ his doomgaze even though I still have my face buried in his sleeve.  " _Only my sister is allowed to call me that._ "

 

Another long pause.  Mostly of awe from them.  Amazement from me and the kids.

 

"Well..." one of them says reluctantly.

 

"Okay," another one sighs.

 

"...Saikusu-kun," a third pipes up mischievously.

 

They burst into laughter again.

 

"Saïx," Xion says with shining eyes, "I lo--"

 

"I _know_."

 

**Part 3 - Saïx**

I don't understand how Axel abides them, but I suppose if _I'm_ his only other option for spending his free time with at this miserable school, it would make sense for him to tolerate them.  He is far too social a creature to be able to avoid human companionship.

 

Thankfully, the girls did not have much longer to torment us before the bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch period.  Xion looked sorry to see them go, but my brothers' feelings better reflected my own.

 

"Do they bug you _all the time_?" Roxas asked.

 

"Well, sort of.  They're more fun when they're not picking on you and Sai."

 

"They weren't picking on them," Xion said in puzzlement.  "They loved them."

 

"Xion, you're a girl," Axel said, as if that explained it.  "What do you think, Sai, you wanna switch kiddos for the afternoon?"

 

Xion and Roxas both watched us curiously as I said, "No, keep Roxas."  Axel was far better at keeping the boy under control than I was.  "Take both of them, if you like...."

 

"But that's not fair," Xion objected, as if that was the issue here.  "If me _and_ Roxas get to stay with Axel, who'll be with _you_?"

 

"I've done quite well on my own thus far," I said dryly.  "I hardly need a small child underfoot during my classes the way Axel seems to."

 

"I wasn't under your foot," she pouted, while Axel stuck his tongue out at me as if he was the same age as her.

 

"Fine, keep my princess," Axel huffed in an exaggerated show of resigned annoyance.  "I'll just play with her extra tonight to make up for it."

 

" _After_ you both finish your homework."

 

"What are you, my parent?"

 

"He doesn't want you to get grounded again," Xion said unhappily, and I could tell that Axel didn't want to get grounded again, either, despite his trying to pretend he didn't care.

 

"We can do our homework in Sai's room and have a Homework Party."

 

"Yay!"

 

" _No_."

 

"Are Homework Parties fun?" Roxas asked doubtfully.

 

"We're going to be late for class," I said.  "Xion, if you're coming with me, I'm leaving for it _now_ , so do not dawdle."

 

"Okay, I'm coming!"

 

She trotted to keep up with me as I made my way to the science wing, where I did not quite manage to cross the classroom threshold before the tardy bell rang.  No matter - the teacher glanced at me, mouth open in preparation for censure, but once he saw it was me, he quickly looked away again, and I went to my seat unhindered.

 

Fortunately, my desk partner at the beginning of the school year had been intimidated elsewhere and the teacher had never bothered to replace her, so not only was I able to indulge in my preference of completing 'joint' assignments on my own, but now my sister was free to climb into the chair beside me without displacing anyone.

 

We were receiving odd looks as the teacher began calling roll.  "Saïx Acerbi?" he said, looking dubiously at Xion.

 

"Here!  He's here!" she shouted, pointing at me.

 

"Xion, I am perfectly capable of announcing my own presence, be quiet."

 

"I didn't want him to forget you," she said.

 

As if such a thing was even possible, since I'm sure he wished he _could_ forget about me.  "You didn't even give me a chance to respond."

 

"Okay, next time I'll wait for a few seconds."

 

"Next time you will be _silent_ , regardless of whether I answer or not."

 

"But if you don't answer, then you'll be absent!"

 

I was trying to whisper, but she was making no such effort, and the entire class was staring at us.  The teacher had not resumed his task.  "Xion, what were your instructions?" I snapped.

 

"Behave and don't say anything," she remembered.  "Can you play tic-tac-toe with me?"

 

"No."

 

"Can I sit in your lap?"

 

" _No_."

 

"Can I sit in your lap if I'm reeeeeaaaallllly really good for five minutes?"

 

At the end of my patience, I slammed my hand on the table and glared at her, and was a little surprised when I sensed many of my classmates flinching along with my sister.

 

"Then can I draw Moonwolf Crescent?" she whispered.

 

"Keep your mouth _shut_ ," I hissed.

 

Staring at me with very wide eyes, she pretended to zip her lips closed.  I watched her for a few seconds.  Once I had determined that she was going to remain silent (for the time being...), I gave her some blank paper and a pencil, upon which point she immediately knelt up in the chair and started happily drawing one of her infernal ponies.

 

I looked around, exasperated to find that we were still the center of attention.  "...I apologize for the interruption."

 

"...Fred Alvarez?" the teacher finally continued, though still watching me as if he expected me to answer.

 

"H-Here," Fred called nervously.  Also staring at me.  What was the _matter_ with everyone?

 

The period felt interminable, just like the one before lunch had.  I was used to being left to myself and determinedly overlooked, which suited me just fine.  Yet somehow, having a little girl in my presence and under my charge seemed to cause everybody's eyes to stay glued to me, despite the fact that they should have been paying attention to the lecture.  Not that I could blame them very much, considering the disturbance Xion caused...humming under her breath, asking me questions, climbing into my lap so she could see better, interrupting the lecture which I was hesitant to rebuke her for since she _was_ learning science beyond her grade level, after all....

 

"Oooh, ooh!  I know!  There's an eight on the right side!" she cried triumphantly.  "Because fourteen minus six equals eight!"

 

"Er...very good, um...."

 

"Her name is Xion," I said wearily.  "And she needs to _sit down_ in _her own seat_."  This was accompanied by a glare, causing my sister to sheepishly retreat from my lap into the chair next to me.

 

"Oh," the teacher fumbled.  "Well, yes, Xion, that's right.  The net force is eight Newtons.  Ahem.  Which means, Carly, that the object would then be actually moving in what direction?"

 

I doubt she even heard the question.  Xion finally waved at her, and she uncertainly lifted her hand in response.

 

"Carly!"

 

"Um, what?"

 

This was _not_ difficult material.  "It would be moving to the right," I said.  "Since the stronger force on the left nullifies the weaker force acting upon the object from the right.  _Obviously_."

 

"...V-Very good.  Ahem.  Um...Saïx...do you think that - you and your, um, companion could run an errand for me?"

 

I recognized an attempt to get rid of me when I saw one.  I shut my textbook and put everything in my bag.  "Come, Xion."

 

"Where are we going?" she asked curiously.

 

"The library."

 

"Ah!" my teacher exclaimed in relief, "Yes, the library.  Um, I need you to, uh--"

 

"Don't bother."  I paused by his desk, grabbing hold of Xion's hand before she could go over to touch a dangling keychain hanging from the zipper of one of my classmates' backpacks.  "What is our homework assignment for tonight?"

 

"Um, read chapter 7 and do the questions at the end...."

 

"Very well.  _Come_ , Xion."

 

"But it's sparkly!"

 

I picked her up and carried her bodily from the room as she giggled and put her arms around my neck.

 

We spent the rest of the period in the library, where I didn't get much work done because the only way to make her sit _still_ was to read a story to her.  She picked some incomprehensible fantasy novel about a personified star whose name was the same as my middle one.

 

"Saïx, what's a Zoi?"

 

"Something fictitious that I suspect is a throwaway plot point."

 

"What's that mean?"

 

"It means you need to stop interrupting me so I can keep reading and perhaps _find out_ what it is."

 

"Sai-Sai, why is Sirius a star but a dog too?"

 

"They call it the 'Dog Star' because it's a part of the Canis Major constellation.  'Canis' means 'dog.'"

 

"Why?"

 

"It's Latin."

 

"Why don't they just say 'Dog Major'?"

 

"Xion, do you _want_ to find out what happens next, or don't you?"

 

"I wanna find out!  I'll be good!  Saïx, did Sirius really kill the lumasomething, or are they all just being mean to him?"

**Part 4 - Xion**

 

I felt bad about bothering my big brother, but I couldn't tell whether he liked it or not.  All the interruptions annoyed him, but he also liked showing off, so I kept asking whenever there was something I didn't understand and watched his eyes going, _"This is infuriating, why won't she be_ quiet _?!"_ and _"There is so much I know that she doesn't..."_ and things without words:  hands, tiny green stems, petals opening in the sunlight.  It made me feel like a flower being protected in a storm, and I couldn't tell whether I liked it or not, just like he couldn't, either.  I did like being confused with him, though.  It was like it made us both together.

 

When the bell rang, we went to a different class and Saïx said _"SIT DOWN SIT DOWN SIT DOWN"_ so much with his eyes that I was afraid to say anything.  But there was no one sitting in the desk behind him, and these desks were only for one person at a time, not the tables like in the science class, so I couldn't sit next to him.  I was so boooooored and his hair was so long and blue and right in front of me, I wanted to fix it and make it pretty.  I don't think he liked it, but he didn't tell me to stop either, so while everyone was talking about boring stuff, I twisted and twisted until he had all the prettiest braids, except I didn't have anything to tie them with.  Then the girls started laughing, and Saïx saw what I did to his hair and he was so mad, but he was actually embarrassed so it didn't really hurt.

 

"I'm sorry, big brother.  Do you want me to unbraid them?"

 

"There's no time...."

 

We went to his last class of the day and everyone looked at him funny, but no one said anything.  This time there was somebody in all the desks around him, so I stood next to him and unbraided his hair while the teacher talked, but everyone and the teacher too were staring at us just like they did in the other classes.  I don't know how Saïx ever learns anything with people staring at him like that all the time.

 

"Saïx," I whispered, "do you have a brush?"  All the braids made his hair a little curly, I had to fix it....

 

"I am not in the habit of carrying grooming tools to school, where they should not be necessary," he said in his Using Fancy Words To Make Himself Feel Better voice.  Oops.  I didn't mean to make him mad, it's just...his hair is so long....

 

People were giggling.  When I turned around, a girl was holding out a comb to me.  "Thanks!"  I took it and started pulling it through Saïx's hair.  I could see in his eyes that it hurt even though he didn't say anything, so I tried to be careful, but I was still hurting him and I didn't know what to do.

 

The girl who gave me the comb got up and said, "Here, sweetie, hold it like this.  Start from the ends here and work your way up, see?"

 

"Ohhhh."  Then some other girls came over and all of us helped fix Saïx's hair together, and he was mad at us so he ignored us and started writing in his book instead.  The teacher finally ignored us too and went on talking about letting ham do something, except all the big kids were still staring at Saïx and only a few people were paying attention.  Saïx's friends at school are all really weird.  My teacher would get mad at me if people were playing with my hair in class, but Saïx's teacher didn't get mad at him, so I guess she was really nice?

 

When everyone was supposed to work together, all the girls wanted to work with Saïx, and he said he wanted to work alone, but they kept staring at his eyes and touching his face and laughing and telling him that they would all help a lot.  "I can help, too," I said.

 

"You cannot," he growled.

 

"Yes, I can!"

 

"Very well, then tell me what your interpretation of the symbolism is in this passage of _Hamlet_."

 

"Whaaaat?"  He thought he was mad at me, but I felt bad for him because it was really that he didn't like the girls and wanted to go home.  I sat in his lap so he'd feel better.  "You answer the questions and I'll color pictures for them."  I'm good at coloring.

 

"No.  Draw whatever you want in this notebook and be _quiet_ until the bell rings...."

 

I wasn't quiet, I couldn't help it, but no one else was quiet, either, so I think it was okay.  When the bell rang, all the girls said good-bye to Saïx, and one of them hugged him and another one kissed his cheek, and he took my hand and dragged me out while I was trying to wave good-bye, and they all called after me that I was really cute and to tell Axel hello for them when I saw him again, so I said okay.

 

"Saïx, why don't you like those girls?  They were nice."

 

"If you were capable of understanding the concept of respect for one's personal space, I might explain it to you.  However, you don't, so I'm not going to bother."

 

"Are you mad?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Are we gonna find Axel and Roxas soon?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Can we have ice cream on the way home?"

 

"...I don't care."

 

I could see from his eyes that he really wanted ice cream.  "I'll buy you some."

 

"You don't have any money."

 

"I'll get Axel to buy you some."

 

" _I_ have money, I'll buy it myself."

 

"And for me, too?"

 

"I'm not going to eat ice cream in front of you when you don't have any."

 

"So you'll buy me some?"

 

"Xion, you're going to get it one way or the other, it doesn't matter who buys it."

 

When we got to the front of the school, Roxas ran to grab my hands, and we danced in a circle singing the We Pwn song as loud as we could.  Axel came up to sing it, too, and Saïx walked right past us like he didn't know who we were.

 

"Sai-Sai!  Waaaaiiiit, you forgot about us!"

 

"I think that was on purpose," Axel said.  He was laughing.  He grabbed our hands, and the three of us ran together to catch up.

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  **Axel's assignment was the poem "Children" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.**

 

"Lovely Item" - from _Ouran High School Host Club_ , lol.  The Host Club tries to explain to poor Bossanov--  Cassano--  _Kasanoda_ (:p) that the reason no one's scared of big silent Mori is because he's always got adorable little Honey clambering over him like a monkey. XD

 

Btw, I wrote over half of this before I wrote _Wind's Legacy_ and _Daughters of the Heart_.

 

Ummm, Saïx's science class lecture...that was just the first thing that came into my head, I don't know if it's something he's supposed to have learned already. *sweatdrop*

 

Argh...just like with the first four Stepsibs stories, Xion's POV gave me the most trouble. X(


	30. Hoof Prints {Axel}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Hoof Prints (rough draft)**

 

Summary:  For Saïx, it is FAR from the "most wonderful time" of the year.

 

A/N:  Axel's POV.  Takes place a year after the wedding.

I've been wanting to post this story for _ages_. XD  I've given up trying to keep to the timeline.

 

o.o.o

"Axel!  Axel!  Axel!"  I crack my eyes open just long enough to see what time it is, then shut them again with a groan.  "Roxas...I love you very much, and I know it's Christmas, but _seriously_...?"

 

"AXEEEEELLL!!!"

 

He is literally jumping up and down on my bed (and sometimes on me), and finally I can't take it anymore.  And whatever, I might as well give in sooner rather than later.  "All right!  _All right_!  I'm getting up!"

 

Yawning, I let him drag me out of bed and into the cold, dark hallway.  Come to think of it, I'm surprised Xion isn't bouncing around screaming about Christmas, too.

 

"Hey!" Roxas yells as we barge into Saïx's room, "Hey, it's Christmas!"

 

Huh.  The light's already on.  At first I'm shocked when I think that Saïx is awake at this ungodly hour, but then I realize that for some reason, he's fallen asleep sitting up in bed.  And Xion is curled up next to him.  What in the world...?

 

"Xion!" Roxas shrieks.  Saïx is shifting, opening his eyes and looking disoriented and a little panicked.  "Xion, Saïx, Santa came!  Santa came!"

 

I'm surprised when Saïx flies out of bed.  I'd think he was shockingly super-excited, but he's also seizing a baseball bat like he means to bash someone's head in with it.  What the heck, why did he have my baseball bat propped beside his bed?

 

" _What_?" he hisses.  _terror fury panic KILL_

 

Instinctively, I lunge forward and snatch Roxas close to me, even as he's still yelling.  "It's Christmas!  Let's go to the living room!  We have presents!"

 

Xion's awake by now and, like, _jumps_ at Saïx, nearly knocking him over.  "No, Saïx, no, Santa never came he's gone there's no Santa go back to sleep it's okay!"

 

What the _heck_?

 

He seizes her arm and surges out of the room.  She's, like, running to keep up.  And begging, "Saïx, please don't kill him."

 

Whaaaaat?

 

Still holding Roxas, I follow them out into the hallway, ignoring our parents' voices when they come out of their room to see what all the commotion is.  But then Xem's voice snaps out, " _Stop_ ," and I shiver.  Saïx, who's at the top of the staircase by now, stops like he's crashed into a wall and freezes for a minute.  Then he kind of sinks into a crouch, still gripping the bat and facing away from us; Xion hugs him tight, and he puts an arm around her to hold her close.  I _do not_ understand.

 

"Saïx, what is going on here?" Xem rumbles.

 

Saïx's voice is almost, _almost_ steady.  "It's Christmas morning.  The children are excited."

 

Uh huh.

 

"Santa came?" Roxas says, like it's a question.

 

I could have _sworn_ Saïx flinched.

 

"Saïx, the alarm didn't go off," Xion says.  "The siren would have gone 'whee whee whee whee!' if someone broke in."

 

"Someone broke in?!" Mom gasps.

 

"I'll go check," Saïx says quickly, and takes off again down the stairs with Xion.

 

"Well," I sigh, "there goes our chance of having a normal Christmas... _again_...."

 

Downstairs, Saïx and Xion are prowling the house, Xion occasionally giving the pile of presents a wistful glance and Saïx acting like they don't exist.  Saïx doesn't seem like he's joking - I think he really is looking for burglars.

 

"Look!" Roxas shrieks, "Santa!"

 

Saïx jerks around like he's been shot, and Xion gives a gasp that sounds way more horrified than excited.  We all look where Roxas is pointing, and I have to smile.

 

"You're right, he really was here!" Mom chirps in her kindergarten teacher voice.  It's that reindeer tracks stamp thing she has, making it look like reindeer have been milling around outside.  The sleigh bell I bought the other day is lying in the snow where I'm sure Mom dropped it last night.

 

"Sacred moon," Saïx whispers.  It's almost a whimper.  I look over and find him half-collapsed against the wall, his face _chalk_ white, I am not even kidding.  Xion is staring, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, as if she's just witnessed a car crash.

 

Saïx suddenly whirls away.  "I'm going to make breakfast," he announces hugely, as if it's perfectly normal for a family with small children to eat breakfast on Christmas morning with wrapped presents still in sight.  "Xion, what do you want for breakfast?"

 

"Pop-Tarts," she says, in the same tone as someone expressing their condolences.

 

"I'll make you some eggs," he says immediately.

 

"I'll have French toast made from scratch," I say sarcastically.

 

Saïx flings open the refrigerator door, then immediately slams it back closed.  "Unfortunately, we're out of eggs," he says, even though there was at least half a carton of them sitting on the middle shelf.  "I'll go out and buy some."

 

"Saïx!" Mom says in exasperation, "It's _Christmas_!  All the stores are _closed_!"

 

That makes him pause, but then he says, "Hospitals aren't closed.  I'll get some from there."

 

"Saïx, enough of this," Xem says sharply, making me flinch again.

 

"Daddy!" Xion suddenly shrieks, "Saïx!  I broke my arm, I have to go to the hospital!"

 

"I'll take you," Saïx says immediately, making a beeline for the door.  He still has my baseball bat, by the way.

 

"My stepbrother is insane," I say conversationally.

 

" _Axel_ ," Mom hisses, and suddenly I remember that Saïx's mom really did...have...issues.  Oh, crap.

 

"Saïx!" I yell, "Wait!"  Mom and Xem are yelling pretty much the same stuff, but I'm the one running out the door and grabbing Saïx by the shoulder as he's opening the car door.  "Sai, let me drive."

 

I can finally see his eyes clearly.  _terror distress panic anger shame alarm_

 

"Sai," I whisper, "trust me."

 

He stares into my eyes for what feels like ages.  _fear hope hurt_

 

"C'mon," I coax, like I'm talking to a stray dog or something, "go on around, I'll take you wherever you want, I just...think it's best if you're not behind a wheel right now."

 

Wordlessly, he gets in the back and sits there gripping that bat while Xion anxiously pats his arm.  I can't let Roxas sit in the front seat, but I'm scared to put him back there with someone who's flipping out.  "Roxas, get on Xion's other side."

 

"What about presents?"

 

"Sorry, we all messed up.  Christmas is actually tomorrow."

 

" _Tomorrow_?" he screeches.

 

"Yeah."

 

"YOU'RE ALL STUPID!"

 

"I know.  Sorry, buddy.  Go on and get in the back."

 

"YOU'RE STUPID!  I HATE YOU!"  Roxas crawls straight over Saïx's lap - Saïx doesn't even blink, it's kind of scary - and curls up on the other side in a Sulking Pose.  Xion looks from one of her brothers to the other and then starts crying.  Fantastic.

 

I swing into the driver's seat and start the car.  "Where to?" I ask, hoping he can tell form my voice how ticked off I am.

 

"I don't care," he says flatly.  "Away."

 

"Your wish is my command.  I exist only to serve you."

 

He doesn't say a _word_.  I swear, he is seriously creeping me out.

 

I pull out of the driveway and sail off, ignoring Mom waving her arms at us from the front porch.  "Xion," I ask, "why is your big brother acting _loco_?"

 

"He--"

 

Saïx reaches out a hand to cover her mouth.

 

"Don't touch her," I snap.

 

"I told you not to tell anyone," Saïx says, to Xion, I assume, since he's still not actually looking at her.

 

She pulls his hand away from her mouth.  "Axel is helping.  We don't have to be alone anymore."

 

"No.  I told you not to tell _anyone_.  No one."

 

"...."

 

"You promised."

 

"Okay," Xion says sadly.

 

Saïx leans his head against the window and shuts his eyes.

 

"Hiding?" I taunt.  He doesn't even bother telling me to shut up.

 

"We hide every year," Xion says in a _duh_ voice.  Saïx's hand closes warningly on her arm - his eyes are still closed - and she stops talking.

 

 _"Jingle bells, Axel smells, I hate everyone,"_ Roxas sings, kicking the back of the empty passenger seat in time to the beat.

 

"Saïx is the one who smells," I tell him.

 

_"Jingle bells, Saïx smells, I want to open presents."_

 

"That doesn't rhyme," Xion says.

 

 _"La la la la la!"_ Roxas yells.  I keep waiting for Saïx to tell them to shut up, but he never does.

 

We drive for a while.  Roxas is upset and bored to tears and hungry on top of everything, which makes it really hard to keep my sanity.  Xion cries a lot, though the rest of the time she's chattering away about My Little Ponies in between singing Disney songs.  Saïx just sits there refusing to talk or look at us.

 

Finally, I pull up and say, "Well, here we are."

 

Everyone looks out the windows.  "Axel," Saïx says in disbelief, "this is the airport."

 

"You said you wanted to go 'away,' didn't you?"

 

" _Obviously_ I didn't mean...."  After leaving his sentence dangling for a while, he finally buries his face in his hands. Xion pats him again.

 

"Saïx," Roxas asks interestedly, "are you crying?"

 

"No," he says in a muffled voice.

 

Some airport official is getting mad at me for loitering in the unloading lane, so I pull away from the curb and start circling around again.  "Sai, _talk to us_.  You do realize how absolutely friggin' ridiculous this is, don't you?"

 

"Of course I do."

 

Well, that's a relief, at least.

 

"...I'm sorry."

 

I nearly drive us into a traffic sign.  "You _what_?"

 

His head snaps up.  "Don't make me repeat--!"  Then he closes his eyes again.  "I apologize.  Humbly.  I know I've...made things...difficult for you.  And...disappointed you.  I had no right to...."  He leans his head against the window again, looking tired.  "This is so hard," I think I hear him whisper, but I'm not sure.

 

"Saïx," Xion says softly, "Axel can help.  He really can, I think.  He can help better than me.  I'm not very good at helping."

 

Saïx lifts his head again and actually looks at her for the first time this morning.  "Xion...."  He holds his arms out.  _shame gratitude love guilt hope_   "Thank you.  You're so brave.  I neglect you more than I should."

 

"You should be nice to me," she says happily as she wallows in his hug.  Yeah, I'm pretty sure that Saïx has totally gone insane, and we're going to be spending Christmas this year having him committed.  Or else my stepbrother's been kidnapped by aliens and they left this impostor in his place.

 

"Axel, I want a hug," Roxas says.

 

"Sorry, buddy, I'm driving."

 

Roxas climbs over and worms his way up into Saïx's arms beside Xion.  Saïx _laughs_ a little.  "I'm a terrible older brother, aren't I."

 

"Yeah," Roxas agrees, "but that's okay.  Saïx, we're really gonna have Christmas tomorrow, right?"

 

"No.  It's today.  Axel will take you home and you can open presents."

 

Saïx's eyes meet mine in the rearview mirror.  _shame guilt self-disgust_   "Axel, you can let me off at the closest bus stop."

 

"Yeah," I snap, "I'm really gonna leave my brother out in the snow on Christmas Day without a coat."

 

He glares.  _Finally_.  "I'm not going home.  Just take the children back and don't concern yourself with me."

 

I yank the car over and put it in park and climb over into the backseat where it's now insanely crowded.  "Saïx, TALK.  I will make your life MISERABLE until you do."

 

"You're good at that," he acknowledges, his eyes flicking to the side.

 

"Don't even think about going for that door handle, or I _will_ punch you."

 

"...."

 

"...."

 

"...."

 

"I'm bored," Roxas announces.

 

Saïx briefly closes his eyes, then looks at me.  _desperation_   "Axel, I _don't want to go home_."

 

He wants me to understand, but I can't yet.  "Why the heck _not_?  What's _wrong_?"

 

His arms tighten around Xion (Roxas has wriggled free by now, and is in fact 'shooting' at passing cars and pedestrians with his fingers).  "...Those...tracks...."

 

Takes me a minute to figure out what he's talking about.  "You mean the stupid--?!"  I break off and look at the kids.  "Um, Sai, can't really talk about this right now," I say meaningfully, trying to point at the back of Roxas's head without actually touching him.

 

Hope blossoms in Saïx's eyes.  "Let me talk to you outside."

 

"Sure."  I awkwardly hoist Xion over onto my other side and follow Saïx out of the car, slamming the door behind me.  We move out of earshot, both already shivering.

 

"What were those tracks?" he demands.

 

I explain about Mom's stupid stamp thing.

 

He exhales and practically collapses back against a fence, looking weak with relief.  "So that's what it was...."

 

"Sai, what is the _deal_!  You're acting like you're scared of freaking Santa Claus or something!"

 

He glare-blushes and looks away.  And doesn't deny it.

 

"S...Sai...ix....  Flaming _pants_."

 

"Shut up," he says tightly, all curled into himself from the cold.

 

"You--!"

 

"Shut _up_."

 

"Are you freaking seriously--?!"

 

"YES I AM!" he bellows, suddenly doomgazing me like he hasn't been able to do in ages.  That creepy yellow tinge is filling his eyes again, pupils and whites and all, just like during that hostage mess.  "I am!  And seeing those tracks out there nearly _gave me a heart attack_."

 

"...I have to sit down."  There's nowhere to sit, though, there's snow everywhere.  We're quiet.  I'd like to take my time and leisurely BSOD some more, but seriously, it's too cold to nurse a broken brain.  " _Why_?" I finally manage.

 

"I don't know," he mumbles, but his eyes are fading back to normal and I can tell he's lying.

 

"What, some mall Santa sat on you when you were a baby or something?"  Come to think of it, it'd explain the whole mall-phobia he'd seemed to have developed since Thanksgiving.

 

"No," he says sourly.

 

"Come _on_ , Sai, no one's _afraid_ of Santa!  Everyone _loves_ Santa!"

 

"I don't," he says flatly.  He fidgets.  I'm just about to give up and go back to the car when he adds in a mutter, "Mother and Uncle Xigbar made sure of that."

 

...Okay, I think we've officially reached Don't Want To Know territory.  I pat him on the back.  "Saïx, Santa's not real."

 

"I _know_ ," he grumbles.  "Doesn't help."

 

"All right, well, I promise that I'll protect you from now on.  Any mall Santa even _looks_ at you funny, I'll hurl flaming Frisbees at his face."

 

He smiles a little.  "No need to go that far...."

 

"What about Xi?"

 

"She is a very selfless person," he mumbles, still not looking at me.

 

"So that's one kid's childhood you've ruined so far," I say matter of factly.  "Just promise you won't shatter Roxas's illusions, okay?"

 

"Very well.  I will lie to him and indeed prove that there is a worldwide conspiracy and adults cannot be trusted."

 

"Urgh, don't put it like that...."

 

We both practically fling ourselves back into the car, lips and fingers blue with cold.

 

"Are you okay?" Xion asks anxiously.

 

"Everything is fine now," Saïx tells her.

 

"Axel, can I drive home?" Roxas asks.

 

"Sorry, buddy, I don't think your feet can reach the pedals yet.  Hey, I have to talk to you.  You know how Saïx was flipping out earlier?"

 

"Uh huh."

 

"Well, turns out he's a _really_ naughty boy.  A few years ago, he played a bunch of pranks on the elves and hijacked the sleigh and took it for a joyride and stole presents and gave them to some penguins instead of kids, so now the North Pole police have a warrant for his arrest."

 

Both of the kids are staring at me, open-mouthed.  Xion turns to her brother.  "Really?!"

 

Saïx facepalms.

 

"Yeah," I go on with relish, "so now Santa's goons are after Saïx, so we can't _ever_ let Santa know that we're harboring a fugitive, all right?  You ever see Santa, you can run up and tell him what you want for Christmas because Santa still loves you lots, but make _sure_ you don't tell him about Saïx, okay?"

 

"Okay," Roxas says, his eyes shining.  He turns to Saïx.  "Saïx, you're really cool."

 

"There is no conspiracy," he mumbles, "and you can trust adults _always_."

 

"Huh?"

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  I _think_ this story might actually have had the original MLP reference. XD  Now you get an idea of how long ago I wrote this.

 

"that hostage mess" - UMMMM, so I haven't actually posted that story yet (still trying to get it typed), and I'm not sure if I ever will, and if I do it will be _heavily_ censored and likely not even on FFN. X(  AND IT'S AN AU.  Because I cannot stand the thought of it actually happening in the main Stepsibsverse.  (And yes, I've made an AU - several, actually - _of an AU_. *headdesk*)  Anyway, so the hostage thing _never actually happened_ in this universe, yet somehow Axel is still able to reference it anyway. *headdeskdeskdesk*


	31. Father & Daughter {Xem}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Father & Daughter (rough draft)**

 

_For Xemnas/Xion Day, 14 January 2013_

 

Summary:  Maybe it's not such a disastrous birthday gift after all.

 

A/N:  Xem's POV.  Again, I don't know how old Xion is. orz

 

o.o.o

 

It would have made things so much simpler if she'd simply asked for something I could buy, like I expected her to.  Instead, she had asked for a "father/daughter date" as her birthday gift, but she was too young and unpolished, so of course it had been disastrous.  Now here we were:  driving home afterwards, silence between us, Xion sitting there in her stained dress, I having to endure the sounds of her failed attempts to hide her unhappiness.

 

"Xion," I finally said.  "Don't cry.  It displeases me when you cry."

 

The sounds intensified, as she fought harder to hold back her tears and failed even more than she had before.

 

I tried to not sigh.  "I'm not angry, you know."  Just disappointed and frustrated.

 

"I know," she said tightly, barely intelligible.

 

"...We can try again at another time, perhaps at a more suitable restaurant."

 

"N-No."  A pause.  Then a cascade of fresh tears and barely understandable speech, "I j-just, mess _up_ , I can't be a lady, I can't be pretty and move pretty like Aunt Ella does, I can't be a princess, I want to be a lady but I'm just stupid and I spill things and I say the wrong thing and I can never make you smile, Daddyyyy...!"  Her words dissolved into wailing sobs.

 

"Xion, I never asked or expected you to be a princess," I said, which only made her cry harder.  This was _exasperating_.  I simply wanted my daughter to be happy on her birthday, yet here she was absolutely miserable, and I could not understand what I had done wrong.  "...I hope you're not using the frequency of my smiles as a gauge of my feelings.  I love you very much, regardless of my facial expression."

 

Her sobs soon faded to sniffles, but I could still strongly sense her misery.  I had to resist sighing again.  Why couldn't she ask for a pony like other little girls did, like she herself had done when she was younger?  Not that I was inclined to actually bring a live pony into our care, but I didn't know what else to _do_....  "Xion, do you remember how you asked me, several times, for a pony a few years ago?"

 

"Yeah," she said dolefully.  "I wish unicorns and pegasuses were real.  And I wish their poop wasn't so smelly and hard to clean up.  They're prettier on the TV than they are in real life."  She paused.  "Yeah, I remember.  Why?"

 

"...Never mind."  I _knew_ it had been a bad idea to let her visit that ranch....

 

We drove a little longer in silence.  "Daddy?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"You're really not mad at me for getting my dress dirty and saying the food was yucky and making the lady mad at--?"

 

"I told you, I am not angry."

 

She sighed.  "Okay."  Then she went back to being quietly miserable, and I tried to think of ways to put her in better spirits.

 

I was on the brink of deciding to ask Aqua for help, when I suddenly realized where we were.  On an impulse, I changed direction and headed back toward the park we had just passed.

 

"Where are we going, Daddy?"

 

"Somewhere I hope you'll enjoy more than that restaurant."  Yet when we had actually parked and stepped out of the car, and I looked around at the dark, deserted place, I realized what a foolish idea this had been.  Of _course_ no one brought their children to play here when it was late at night, and cold....

 

I tried to think of a graceful way to tell Xion to get back in the car so we could go home after all, but she saved me the trouble.  "Daddy, can-- _will_ you please push me on the swing?"

 

"...I suppose so."

 

Her face lit up, and she ran to the swing set.  I followed, my footing unsure over all the pebbles layered over the ground.  "Are you cold, Xion?"

 

"No, Daddy, my jacket's warm.  I want you to push me on the swing."

 

"Very well."

 

She began to sing as the arc of her swing increased.  _"For every high, there is a low.  For every to, there is a fro.  To and fro, stop and go, that's what makes the world go 'round...."_

The lyrics began to grate on me.  "Sing a different song, Xion."

 

"Okay, your turn.  You choose the song and sing."

 

"I'm not going to sing."

 

"Pleeeeaaase, Daddy?"

 

"No."

 

"...Even though it's my birthday?"

 

 _"...When I am down, and oh, my soul so weary; when troubles come, and my heart burdened be; then, I am still and wait here in the silence, until you come and sit awhile with me."_   It had simply been the first song that came to mind (the first song I was willing to sing, anyway), but it belatedly occurred to me that it suited my general sentiment.  It wasn't that my daughter stood in place of the song's intended subject, but...there was something about her that reminded me of it.  I treasured her, found her company soothing and uplifting in a way no one else's was, not even my wife's.  With Xion, I could be...myself.  I felt more liberated in her presence than I did with anyone else.  For her sake, for her happiness and well-being, I would sacrifice the most.

 

"I like when you sing, Daddy."

 

"It is your singing I would prefer to hear."

 

"Okay.  _You can learn a lot of things from the flowers, for especially in the month of June.  There's a wealth of happiness and romance, all in the golden afternoon!"_

 

"I suppose it will do no good to ask where in the world you picked that up...."

 

A few minutes later, she startled me by leaping off the swing at the height of its forward arc.

 

"Xion!"

 

She darted to smack her hand against me, then fled.  "You're It!"

 

"What?!"  Alarmed, bewildered, and slightly angry, I hurried over those irritating rocks and caught her.  "Why on earth are you running?"

 

"Noooo!"  She sighed heavily.  "Fine, you win."

 

"What?"

 

"Run, Daddy!"

 

"...Is this that 'Tag' game of yours?"

 

She hit me again.  "Too late!  You're It, Daddy!"  She ran again.

 

I caught her quickly, of course.  "Xion, I am stronger and much taller than you.  You won't be able to escape me."

 

"Noooo!  I'm gonna beat you!"

 

She couldn't, of course.  She finally seemed to get frustrated and said, "Okay, we're playing a different game now.  You hide, and I'll count to fifty and then come look for you, okay?"

 

I was sure she had to have been either skipping numbers or counting _very_ quickly.  However, it didn't matter, because I was always out of sight by the time she began to search for me.  There were not many places to hide here, but I was resourceful - even so, she found me every single time, much more quickly than I expected.  "You are skilled at locating your target," I acknowledged resentfully.

 

She giggled.  "You're easy to find, Daddy."

 

"Hm?"

 

She cupped her hands gently around my eyes, and I was surprised to realize the degree to which I had been neglecting to Shield all this time.  No wonder she could sense me so easily.  "...Are you playing the game fairly, Xion?  It does not make sense for the person in the role of 'It' to have so many consecutive turns."

 

She looked sheepish.  "I'm sorry, Daddy.  You can be It this time if you want."

 

It was not as satisfactory as I expected.  In fact, it was not satisfactory at all.  I stood there in the middle of that cold, dark playground, hearing nothing but the wind in the trees and the more distant sound of traffic, and felt deeply alone.  "Xion?"

 

Of course she wouldn't answer.  She was hiding from me.  I had to search for her.  "Xion...."

 

I couldn't find her.  I couldn't find her.  She was in none of my own hiding places, nowhere I thought to search--  "Xion!"  My child was lost.  She had the advantage of me, I could not sense her at all.  I knew it was just a game, but could not...seem to truly convince my emotions of that.  "XION."  If I lost her, my heart would--

 

"Are you...okay, Daddy?"

 

"Come here," I ordered.  She crept toward me in a frightened way, and I seized her as if she would be swept away.  "Do not do that again."

 

"Okay...you want to play something different?"

 

Something that would keep her close.  "Go sit on the bench."  She obeyed, and I seated myself beside her, putting an arm around her shoulders.  I didn't need the reassurance, but it seemed better to stay in contact  "Xion, look up at the sky."

 

"Okay."

 

"Do you see that bright star up there, the one that outshines all the others around it?"

 

"Yes.  It's pretty."

 

"That is Polaris, also called the North Star.  From our perspective, it appears to stay perpetually fixed in the same position, making it useful for navigation."

 

"What's navigation?"

 

"Finding one's way.  Note how it is a part of the Ursa Minor constellation, which is made up of the stars Kochab, Pherkad, Yildun...."

 

We were finally on a level I understood.  Talking about something I was more familiar with than her games, I no longer felt out of my depth.  Indeed, spending time with my daughter in this way was true recreation, and I thought to myself that I ought to make things like this more of a priority.  "Are you paying attention, Xion?"

 

"Yes, Daddy.  Are there any star-ponies?  Are they friends with the star-doggies?"

 

By the time I was pointing out the Gemini constellation, she had seemed to lose interest.  "...it is as if they are clasping hands."

 

"Mm."

 

"The name refers to the twins Castor and Pollux in Greek mythology, who were able to spend eternity together when Pollux chose to share immortality with his brother."

 

This time, there was no response at all.  Upon closer inspection, I realized that she was not ignoring me, but had actually fallen asleep.  She was curled tightly against my body, as if seeking warmth, and her face was very cold.  I supposed I should take her home now....

 

"Come, Xion."  I stood up and lifted her.  Still mostly asleep, she put her arms around my neck.  After a moment's hesitation, I laid a kiss on her brow.  "I love you," I told her.

 

"Love you, too," she murmured.  I doubt that the temperature actually changed in that moment, but hearing her say that seemed to warm me, anyway.

 

o.o.o

 

Songs:

 

"That's What Makes the World Go 'Round" from Disney's _The Sword in the Stone_

"You Raise Me Up" by Brendan Graham (music by Rolf Løvland)

"All in the Golden Afternoon" from Disney's _Alice in Wonderland_

 

Author's Notes:  Since Xion's birthday, Xemnas/Xion Day, and the _Stepsiblings_ anniversary are all on January 14th, I was trying to brainstorm ideas that would combine all three.  At first I was thinking of doing a birthday party with as many of the Stepsibs cast as I could fit in, but I knew it would take too long to write, and I didn't really have good ideas for it, anyway.  Then I decided to draw a picture for the anniversary instead, which freed me up to focus on XemXi in a story.  I played around with some ideas, had a little trouble, but eventually I settled on this one, which outlined itself pretty easily once the plot bunny was in place. ^^


	32. Eighty-seven, chapter 1 {Stepsibs-Saix}

Eighty-seven

(rough draft)

A Kingdom Hearts fanfic by Raberba girl

 

Summary:  The Saïx from the "Stepsiblings" universe wakes up in the Castle That Never Was. Platonic AkuSai (plus some Roxas & Xion) fic as my 87th story on FFN.

 

A/N:  Well, at least according to the number on my FFN profile. There are several factors that make this not my 87th story at all, but whatever. *sweatdrop*

 

 **This is a crossover between Kingdom Hearts canon and my Kingdom Hearts modern AU _Stepsiblings_ series. XD**   (And for you people who actually read Stepsibs, this would be an AU; and yes, future Stepsibs fics _might_ reference it anyway, even though it 'never actually happened.' :p)

 

**Part 1 (Teenage Saïx)**

 

Something felt wrong from the moment I awakened, and it became very quickly apparent what it was.  I wasn't in my room.  I had absolutely no idea at all where I was.

 

The room was silent and cold, with a full-length window taking up one entire wall.  The strangest thing could be seen in the night sky:  a moon shaped like a heart.  It disconcerted me when I blinked and realized that I had been gazing at it for a long time.  Something about it seemed beautiful, with the strangest sensation as if it was calling to me...yet at the same time, I was also uneasy.

 

Shivering, I finally got out of bed to take a better look around.  This room looked so sterile...just basic furniture, with a symbol repeated over and over again, almost everywhere I looked.  There was nothing else, no sign of anything that would give this place...personality.  I checked the closet and drawers just to make sure - nearly the whole wardrobe was black, consisting mostly of pants, tank tops, and long zippered coats.  In the very back was a blue outfit that looked unnervingly identical to my favorite sweater, but it was too small for me.  Also shabby, as if it had been torn and battered, then later repaired by someone without professional equipment.  I would have to dress in black instead.

 

There were also, amongst the toiletries and other mundane things you'd expect to find in a set of drawers, a few of those 'Winner' ice cream sticks my siblings got so excited about, a ticket to some place called 'Disney Town,' and a battered copy of _Treasure Island_.  _"To Isa,"_ it said inside the front cover, _"from Mom.  Happy birthday, sweetie!  I love you!"_

 

Isa...I knew that was Lea's middle name, but I couldn't help feeling...like there was something I was missing, some connection I...couldn't....

 

Enough.  Whoever this 'Isa' was, she - or he - probably would not appreciate that I'd gone through their personal things.  I thought I had better leave before someone came in and started making accusations.

 

That is, if I _could_ leave.  The only thing that looked like an exit was shimmering in a way I didn't trust, like it was a force field in a science fiction movie or something of the sort.  I tried tossing a pencil at it, and to my surprise, the pencil went straight through.  I then picked up a stapler and touched the shimmering substance - nothing happened, it was like there was nothing there.  So I put my boot through, then the rest of my body, and now stood in a larger room.

 

It was just as cold and silent, but there were no windows here, which made me shiver again.  I did not like the feel of this place....  It didn't help that it was full of structures that looked reminiscent of tombstones.

 

The floor was sloped.  I headed for the lower exit, reasoning that the previous room had seemed to be on a high floor, and going downwards would eventually get me to the ground floor.

 

There was another shimmering gateway, but again, I came to no harm by passing through it.  On the other side, however, I had only gone a few steps when the floor before me seemed to swirl, and several alarming creatures appeared - vaguely humanoid, but grotesquely slender, and with hardly anything where their faces should be.  I backed up as they advanced, and couldn't help crying out in surprise and pain when one of them suddenly lashed out at me with a tapered arm.

 

"No!"  I returned swiftly to the room with the tombstones - but it did no good.  More creatures were materializing, more of the elongated ones and now some hulking figures with massive weapons.  Genuinely frightened now, I retreated again, back to the room where I assumed I had awakened.

 

I must have gotten it wrong, the portals all looked alike....  The layout of this room was different.  Unfortunately, I did not have time to observe at my leisure, because yet more creatures were appearing.

 

These were smaller, their most distinctive feature being a set of wing-like appendages that sported spikes rather than feathers.  Barely able to move, I held my breath in alarm, eyes fixed on them as they seemed to study me.

 

Then they began circling around me in an agitated sort of way, and someone made a sleepy, disgruntled noise.  There was another human in here - one who looked amazingly familiar, curled up on the bed across the room.  I edged past the creatures and hurried toward my brother, feeling incredibly relieved to see him in this bizarre place.  "Axel!"

 

"What?" he grumbled.

 

"Axel, get up, there is a situation here...."

 

He rolled over with his back toward me and pulled the blanket over his head.  "I told you," he said in a muffled grumble, "I don't care if Kingdom Hearts is falling out of the sky, no missions before 8:00."

 

"What are you _talking_ about?  Axel, there are these - things!  They're dangerous."  A thought occurred to me that made me feel sick.  "And if you're here, the children might be, too, which means it's imperative that we find them as soon as possible.

 

He suddenly rolled back over and sat up in one swift movement.  "Children?"  Then he gasped.  " _Whoa_!"

 

I stared back at him.  There was something...wrong.  Or not wrong, exactly, but....  Despite the fact that he was sitting right before my eyes, I had the sudden strangest doubt that this wasn't my brother.  Impossible, though....  His hair was too distinctive to mistake, as were his piercing green eyes; not to mention the tattoos.  Yet...I couldn't shake the feeling that....

 

"Your eyes are _talking_!"

 

"What?"

 

"Flaming pants!  _'confusion, distress, frustration, unease, anxiety, fear....'_   It's, like, _spilling out of your eyes_.  Flaming pants.  Sai, did you magically get your heart back when we weren't looking?!"

 

"What are you _talking_ about?  And why do you look different?"  There was _something_ different about him, though I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was.  If pressed, I would have said he looked...older.  Even though I'd seen Axel in uniform too many times to count, the man before me would look out of place in a high school class.

 

"Man, you look _so_ much like Isa...or, like, Isa cosplaying you, if that makes any sense...it totally doesn't, does it...."

 

"Axel, I would recommend some coffee to clear your head, since you're obviously still three-quarters asleep, but we don't have time.  We have to find Xion and Roxas _now_."

 

He flung himself out of bed.  "What happened to them?" he demanded.

 

"Nothing, I hope," I said, slightly taken aback by the tinge of accusation in his tone.  "I'm simply quite concerned that they might have encountered these white creatures.  They could get seriously injured."

 

Axel's eyes narrowed.  "Why would you care?"

 

I practically gaped at him.  Did he really have that low an opinion of me?  "I may be unsociable by nature, but I do have an understandable interest in the welfare of my younger siblings."

 

"Your _what_?  Flaming pants, Sai - you're not a replica or something, are you?"  He laughed hollowly and added in a mutter I might not have been meant to hear, "I actually kind of like you better than the real one...."

 

"Axel, stop wasting time.  Do you have any idea where the children might be?"

 

He was studying me with a maddening lack of urgency.  "You're showing more emotion in the last five minutes than you have in the last five years...."

 

"Axel!  Wake _up_!"

 

"Okay, fine!  Were they not in their rooms or something?"

 

"What?"

 

"The kids.  They weren't in their rooms?"

 

"How should I know?  I was here when I awakened."

 

" _What_?" he said in exasperation.

 

It was like we were speaking different languages.  I took a deep breath.  "Axel.  Just please show me where you think Xion and Roxas might be before I...before I...."  It felt so ridiculous saying it.  "Before I doomgaze you."

 

He laughed, which was certainly not the effect I had intended.  "Before you _what_ me?"

 

I was outraged.  _He_ was the one who had come up with that ridiculous term!  _"I hate you,"_ I thought angrily.  _"You're infuriating and you drive me insane and I want to_ throttle _you...."_

 

"Ow--  _Ow_!  Owowowow holy _crap_ how are you doing that?!" he practically shrieked, throwing up his hands as if to shield his face.

 

I stared at him in surprise.  Axel had never flinched from me before, not once, yet here he was practically cowering.  "...Just help me find Xion and Roxas, please?"

 

"Fine!  Flaming _pants_!  Are you really Saïx?!"

 

"Of course I am," I said, a little sullenly.

 

To my shock, Axel walked right past the creatures hovering by the door as if he didn't even notice them, which made me wonder for a second if I was hallucinating them.  Then we stepped outside, where the things seemed to have multiplied since I was here last - the small ones practically forming a writhing blanket around us, the larger figures - now joined by some of the winged ones from Axel's room - grouped around the portal we had just emerged from, occasionally swinging their weapons at the others when they tried to advance.

 

I wasn't about to let the creatures turn their attention to us.  "Whoa," Axel started to say, but I was already seizing his arm and dragging him back into the room.

 

"Ow!  What is wrong with you?"

 

"Did you _see_ them?  Those white creatures?"  Surely I couldn't be merely imagining them....

 

"White crea--?  You mean the Dusks?"

 

I stared at him.  "What?"

 

He stared back at me.  "The Dusks, man.  Creepy white slithery things, no hearts, jump to our orders but stupid as heck?"

 

"Our orders?"

 

He gave me an exasperated look and strode back out.  I followed very reluctantly, concerned about his safety.

 

"Oi," Axel called, "all you Dusks, get lost."

 

It was astonishing.  The smaller creatures all slithered away in perfect obedience.  To my alarm, the large ones now turned toward us, and I couldn't help instinctively reaching out to grip Axel's arm.

 

He was looking at me strangely again.  "You okay?"

 

"The...they're still there...."

 

"If you don't want 'em, tell 'em to scram."

 

"What?"

 

"They _are_ your Berserkers, Sai, they'll do whatever the heck you want."

 

"They're _mine_?!"

 

He gestured expectantly.

 

"...Depart from us, _now_ ," I said, trying to speak strongly.  To my amazement, the 'Berserkers' vanished at once.  Releasing a breath, I turned to the last ones remaining.  "Begone."

 

The creatures did nothing but twitch a little, and Axel laughed.  "Dude, those are mine."

 

" _What_?"

 

"Saïx.  Seriously, what is _wrong_ with you today?"

 

"I should be asking that of _you_!  Ever since I woke up this morning, nothing has made sense!"

 

"There's no way you're the real Saïx, you've gotta be a replica...."

 

Inside the thirteenth portal, we were met by several more white creatures of a different shape, who ignored Axel but fell into fighting stances with their swords pointed at me.

 

"Hey, back off," Axel said sharply.  "He's a friend."

 

They didn't move.

 

"Oi, Roxas!  Wake up!"

 

Roxas?  I looked, and sure enough, there was a person sprawled on the bed with a very familiar head of hair.  "Roxas," I gasped.  Yet something was wrong here, too, which became quite apparent when the boy yawned and sat up.  He couldn't have been younger than twelve.  "What _happened_ to you?!"

 

"Huh?"

 

"Rox, call off your Samurai, okay?"

 

"Okay...."

 

After a moment, the creatures vanished like the others had, and I let out a breath of relief.

 

"What's going on?  Is that Saïx?"

 

"Uh...sort of.  I guess."

 

I hurried over to my younger brother and grasped his shoulders, trying to get a closer look at him.  "Roxas?"

 

"What do you want?" he said defensively, wincing.  "Stop it, your eyes hurt."

 

"They what?" said Axel.

 

"Roxas, is that really you?" I demanded.

 

"Yeah?"

 

"How did you age so quickly?!"  Another insane idea occurred to me, that I might have time traveled.  It was impossible, but it might explain all the confusing things that had happened.  What an utterly bizarre future this was....

 

" _Huh_?"

 

"Don't worry about it, Rox," Axel said.  "Saïx is a little loopy today."

 

"Loopy?"

 

"I am _not_ ," I said.

 

"So, Rox, you're fine, right?  You're not hurt or anything?"

 

"I'm fine," Roxas said cautiously, then added in a mutter, "If Saïx would just quit beating me up with his eyes...."  I turned my face away.

 

"Great!  On to drag Xion out of her beauty sleep, then."

 

"Xion?"  Roxas got out of bed and accompanied us.

 

I was expecting it this time, seeing my sister as an adolescent rather than a little girl, but my heart still sank at the confirmation.  I put my arms around my younger siblings and drew them close.  "I'm glad you seem to be all right," I said heavily, and was surprised to sense Xion trembling a little.

 

"Axel, what's going on?" she asked.

 

"I dunno.  Apparently Saïx has seen the error of his ways, gave up being a jerk, and decided that he wants in on our little Best Friends gig here."

 

"He can't do that," Roxas protested.

 

Xion looked up at me.  I could not understand why she seemed so frightened.  "Saïx, you really don't hate me anymore?"

 

"I've _never_ hated you, you're my sister.  You have your faults and annoying habits like everyone else, but you have always been astoundingly supportive and open-hearted, and I have been trying to appreciate these qualities of yours more and not take them for granted.  It is to my shame that I seem to have been so misunderstood."

 

She took my hand, then her eyes widened in wonder and I tried to lean away as she reached for my face.  "Oooh...Roxas, look, it's like his eyes are talking...."

 

"Where?"

 

Axel made me wear one of the black coats from my closet - that is, from the closet of the room I had awakened in.  "Where is this Isa person?" I ventured to ask as I was pulling it on.

 

"...Saïx, what was your Somebody's name?" Axel asked, looking horrified.

 

"My what?"

 

"Your _name_ , Saïx!  When you were still human!"

 

"?!  What do you expect me to be if not human?!"

 

Axel stared at me, and I got the sense that we were 'speaking different languages' again.

 

"My name is Saïx Sirius Acerbi, and please tell me that _you_ are human."

 

"...Well, at least the middle one is the same...so 'Isa' means nothing to you?"

 

"I believe it is your mother's middle name, isn't it?"

 

" _What_?"

 

I shook my head.  "Let me rephrase the original question.  Is there any chance that the person whose room this belongs to will come in and not appreciate the fact that I am stealing her or his clothes?"

 

"You know, Sai, I could have answered that question yesterday, I really could.  Today?  Not so much."

 

I gave up.

 

Back in the room with the 'tombstones,' I was slightly alarmed to be approached by someone I did not recognize.  Axel quickly pulled the hood of the coat over my head for some reason, which I did not protest beyond a brief glare.  He seemed more familiar with this strange setting than I was, and I ought to trust his judgment.

 

"Where have you been?" the man demanded, coming to a stop before us.  He was tall and well-built, with thick sideburns and very long, braided black hair.  "I need my assignment for the day."

 

It took me a moment to realize that I was the one whom he addressed.

 

"Chill, Xaldin, it's a vacation day," Axel said.

 

"It is?" the children chorused, sounding delighted.

 

Xaldin's eyes narrowed, which was actually a formidable sight.  "I was informed of no such thing."

 

"No, it's true.  Sai'll tell you."  Axel prompted me with an elbow in the ribs, which I tell him repeatedly not to do because it _hurts_.

 

"Yes," I said reluctantly, wondering what sort of trouble my brother was getting me into.  "Yes, that's right...it's a - a vacation day."  Heaven help me if whoever truly did hand out 'assignments' ever discovered my role in this.

 

Xaldin glared at me for a long time, which I found rather taxing.  "There's something different about you, Number VII."

 

Seven?

 

"He...bought some new panels," Xion piped up unexpectedly.

 

"Yeah," Roxas added without prompting.  "It's this magic that gives you laser eyes.  Pretty cool."

 

"Sorry, though," was Axel's contribution, "staff-only.  We've been bugging Sai all morning, but he won't make Gloomex sell us any.  Bummer."

 

Xaldin sighed, made a dismissive gesture - then turned away and walked STRAIGHT INTO AN OMINOUS BLACK PORTAL THAT APPEARED OUT OF _NOWHERE_ , then vanished.  "What was _that_?!" I exclaimed, in a sadly undignified tone.

 

The other three looked at me like I was crazy.  "What, the dark corridor?"

 

"I don't see anything...."

 

"Gee, Sai, I know the sideburns are pretty bad, but I didn't think they were enough to give _you_ the heebie-jeebies...."

 

I soon had an unpleasant understanding of 'dark corridors,' since they seemed to be the preferred method of traveling throughout the vast castle.  My companions were interested to find that I could not open these corridors, and I was dismayed at discovering that all three of them could summon one of those eerie portals at will.  It unnerved me, these strange new powers that they were all so casual about.  "You three act like opening sinisterly dark gates and having a legion of voiceless, faceless creatures roaming about is normal...."

 

"It isn't?" Roxas and Xion said in confusion.

 

"Man, we don't have time for a Life Lesson right now.  Help me find a marker, a piece of paper, and some tape."

 

Axel made me write 'VACATION' on a notice and post it in a room with gray furniture.  Then we traveled through one of those horrible corridors to a blessedly sunny, quiet, extremely mundane-looking little town.  I looked around and decided that I liked it here very much.

 

"Are we gonna go to the clock--?" Roxas started to ask, but Axel shushed him and then looked apprehensively at me.  I stared back, wondering what the significance of a clock was supposed to be.

 

"Blank with a capital B," Axel finally remarked, sounding relieved.  "Come on, let's go get some ice cream and find a place in Sunset Terrace to hang out."  Then he eyed me.  "You _do_ know what ice cream is, don't you?"

 

"Of course.  Thanks to you, I've been forced to consume sea-salt at regular intervals."

 

Axel laughed.  "Well, at least that's still the same."  Then, once we were all seated, he turned serious.  "Okay.  You say you're the real Saïx."

 

"Of course I am.  Aren't _you_ the real Axel?"

 

"Ha, ha.  So, if you really are Saïx, tell me who our kindergarten teacher was."

 

"Kindergarten?  I didn't even _know_ you back then."

 

He broke into a grin.  "Passed the trick question with flying colors, awesome.  Okay, then what kind of trap did we set for Santa Claus when we were nine?"

 

"Axel, we never even laid eyes on each other until we were nearly sixteen."

 

"Wait, _what_?!"

 

This was ridiculous.

 

"We met in second grade!"

 

I sighed.  "According to my memory, which I am no longer 100% certain of, we had nothing to do with each other until Father met Lea and they decided to get married--"

 

"Flaming _pants_!"

 

I was obliged to explain everything from the beginning, including the histories and full names of all three of my siblings.  After a while, Roxas and Xion started interrupting with ludicrous questions ("What's a mother?"  "What's married?"), many of which Axel brushed off.  He seemed to be too busy looking alternately awed, dismayed, and greatly amused by my story.

 

"...So that is the current situation," I finished, "and I have no earthly idea how I came to awaken in that castle."

 

"...Wow," Axel finally said.  "Maybe I'm actually dreaming, and you have some kind of magic carpet that'll take us back to your fantasy world where we can all be a happy family with hearts until I wake up."

 

"Don't be ridiculous."

 

"Do the other Roxas and Xion have numbers like we do?" Roxas asked.

 

"Is it fun being your sister?" Xion wanted to know.

 

I looked at them.  Their astonishing ignorance seemed incongruous with their apparent age.  "How old are they?" I asked.

 

"Uh...it's complicated...let's say fourteen."

 

" _Fourteen_?!  And they don't know what a mother is?!"

 

"I _said_ it's complicated."

 

"I'd know what a mother is if you TOLD me," Roxas pouted.

 

"Ask Xemnas."

 

Father was here, too?

"So how old are _your_ Keybearers, then?"

 

"My what?"

 

"Rox and Xi.  How old are they?"

 

I had to think a moment.  "Xion is seven.  Roxas is six, I believe."

 

Axel's face brightened considerably.  "So they're, like, _kids_?!  Itty bitty ones?!"

 

"They are small for their age, yes."

 

"Squeeeee," Axel murmured.  "I wanna see them...!"

 

"That would require figuring out a way to get home from here.  In the meantime, please explain _your_ side of it.  It would seem as if your memories are entirely different than mine."

 

I learned that, according to Axel, none of the four of us were supposed to have hearts.  "I mean, figuratively," Axel clarified when I laid a hand over my chest in alarm.  "We still have the things that pump blood, just not the ones that make us...feel.  Stuff."

 

"As in, emotion?" I said skeptically.

 

"Yeah.  Can't feel a thing, it's like life is one big monotone."

 

"How do you explain your 'flaming pants,' then?"

 

"Uh...I dunno, actually...I think I started saying it again when the kids came along...."

 

Also, we were apparently labeled as 'Nobodies' ("with a capital N," Roxas made sure to tell me); the black coats protected us while traveling through corridors of darkness; we spent our days employed by 'Organization XIII,' completing missions for a leader who sounded like my father; and we were supposed to have weapons and be experienced fighters.  There was more, but I could only process a limited amount of insane information within so short a period of time.

 

"Put those _away_ ," I snapped, not prepared for the sight of my brother summoning fire and giant spiked wheels out of thin air.

 

"Aw, come on, you can't tell me these babies aren't cool!"

 

"So you can't use your claymore anymore?" Roxas said eagerly.

 

"I don't fight.  And I find it difficult to believe that you two children are accustomed to going out into battle every day."

 

" _You're_ the one who sends them/us," all three of them said in unison, then burst into laughter.

 

"I would do no such thing."

 

Roxas dug around in his pocket, finally extracted a wad of paper, uncrumpled it, and handed it to me.  "That was yesterday's mission.  You gave it to me.  I filled up the whole mission gauge and found every treasure chest," he added proudly.

 

I skimmed through the text in disbelief, seeing that it looked like some kind of mission assignment.  "I've never seen this before in my life.  Yesterday, since it was Friday and you were all eager to go out, Axel forced me to accompany the three of you to Pizza Planet.  You ended up trading an obscene number of tickets in for a cheap toy, and Xion beat one of the computer's automatic high scores on a game she's wasted far too much of her life striving to master."

 

They all looked at me.

 

"What about _school_?" I tried in desperation.  "You can't tell me they spend all their days doing this mission nonsense and are never made to study!"

 

"What's school?"

 

"And 'study,' what's that?"

 

"It's a different world, Sai," Axel said quietly.  "A different _universe_.  There's no way you belong here, something's...wrong."  He smiled ruefully.  "I like you a lot, but I don't think you're the Isa I grew up with at all."

 

"I--"

 

"But you're still _Isa_.  I dunno, it's weird.  I feel like I know you as well as I knew Isa.  But, just...it's impossible...you're like an Isa who never was."

 

I wanted to answer, but found it difficult to speak.  I felt like he was gently denying my existence.

 

"Makes me wonder what he's like, the Lea who never was...."

 

"He's my brother," I managed to choke out.  "You're my brother."

 

"Can we keep this Saïx?" Xion said wistfully.  "I like him a lot better than the other one."

 

"Yeah."  Roxas patted my arm.

 

Axel seemed to be finding it difficult to speak, too.  "How do you _do_ that?!  How are you freaking doing that?!  You're not supposed to feel _anything_ , but you're spewing all that stuff out of your eyes and you're gonna make me freaking _cry_ , stop it...!"

 

I turned away.

 

"How _do_ you do that?" Xion said curiously.

 

"I don't know...I was born like this.  My blood relatives are the same.  My father and my cousin Van, and Uncle Xigbar and Grandfather--"

 

"Xigbar?"

 

"That guy's your _uncle_?!" Axel yelped.

 

"My father's brother."

 

"Who's your dad?" Axel said, his eyes narrowed.

 

"Xem Acerbi...."

 

"Xem?  As in, Xemnas?"

 

"Yes," I said cautiously.

 

"Flaming _pants_!  And--  Flaming pants, Xemnas in your universe is my _stepfather_?!"

 

"That is correct."

 

"Sweet Kingdom Hearts, I wish I'd been nicer to my real stepdad...."

 

"Xigbar and Xemnas have yellow eyes, too," Roxas said thoughtfully.  "But they don't talk like yours."

 

"My eyes don't speak, either," I said resentfully.  It was frustrating how even these alternate versions of my siblings seemed to be able to read my mind.

 

" _frustrated, annoyed, scared, sad, worried_ ," Roxas said.

 

"What?"

 

"It's okay, Saïx," Xion said, taking my hand.  "You can stay with us and we can be friends.  Axel and Roxas are good at cheering people up, you'll be happy again."

 

"Kind as your offer is, I am still very concerned about the welfare of my true siblings."

 

"Man," Axel said.  "If _you're_ here with us, I wonder if the real Saïx is over there with them...."

 

I had a feeling that he was right, and that my siblings might not be faring as well as I was.

 

_To be continued...._

 

Author's Notes:  It will probably be a while before I continue this, since I'm so dang busy. ;;  The next chapter will be in the Stepsibsverse, in either canonSaïx's or StepsibsAxel's POV, I'm not sure yet.  I _think_ there'll be three chapters total, but again, I'm not sure yet.  I imagined the whole story in my head, but haven't gotten a chance to outline it on paper, which I really need to do soon.

 

I'm really curious to know what you guys think of this one....


	33. Eighty-seven, chapter 2 {canon-Saix, Stepsibs-Xion, & Stepsibs-Axel}

**_Eighty-seven_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic by Raberba girl**

**Chapter 2 [rough draft]**

**Number VII**

 

I knew that something was wrong as soon as I realized that I'd awakened because a small animal was shifting on my stomach, rather than to the sound of my alarm clock.  Immediately sitting up (and ignoring the dog's startled yelp as it tumbled to the side), I determined that it was nearly 6:00 a.m. (meaning I was very late), and that I was not in the same place where I had fallen asleep.

 

_'This looks like a human's bedroom....'_

 

Frowning, I got out of bed, knowing that I should hurry but unable to make sense of my surroundings.  I was still wearing my uniform, since I'd fallen asleep in the middle of paperwork again; but one glance at the window told me that this place was certainly not the World That Never Was.

 

There was a shelf full of books that I knew had been part of my high school curriculum, and also some books that I had once enjoyed reading.  None of them held any interest for me now.  The desk set against one wall had a clean surface and neatly-organized supplies, and the closet was full of clothing that was too small for me and better suited for a teenage boy with conservative taste.  _'Where in the worlds am I...?'_

 

Regardless, Lord Xemnas would be waiting.  I held out a hand to summon a dark corridor, but...nothing happened.  _'What?'_   I tried again, with the same lack of result.  The little dog came over to sniff at my boots.  "This is ridiculous...."

 

I soon discovered that the dark corridors worked within the confines of this world, but that I could not cross over into any other world.  An involuntary shiver ran through my body, and I mused that if I was human, the realization that I was trapped would be quite alarming.  As it was, I knew that this was an unacceptable state of affairs, and that I would need to remedy it as soon as possible.

 

First things first, though.  I returned to the house I had awakened in and briefly visited the bathroom.  It seemed very small and cramped, and I had to remember that I'd grown accustomed to the large communal areas that we used at the castle, and that ordinary humans only had individual-use units in their homes.  _'I wonder who lives here...?'_   Perhaps I would find out when I ventured into the rest of the house.

 

The hallway seemed quiet - I thought I could sense someone behind at least one of the closed bedroom doors, but there was no one within sight.  I headed downstairs with the little dog trotting at my heels, and wondered why it seemed so attached to me.

 

A television was on in the main part of the house, so I avoided it, circling around to the kitchen.  I was fairly confident of my ability to handle any sort of conflict, but it was neither wise nor necessary to deliberately provoke such a thing.  If the inhabitants of this house found me and took issue with my presence, so be it; if not, there would be no harm done on either side.

 

The kitchen seemed to be clean and well-stocked.  I set about making breakfast for myself, ignoring the polite begging of the dog.  As long as I avoided looking at its eyes, it was easy to resist.

 

I was just buttering the toast when someone entered the kitchen - a very young NPC girl, with blue eyes that strongly reminded me of someone, though I could not think who.

 

"Good morning, Sai-Sai!"

 

NPC or not, this would not be tolerated.  "Silence."  I took the plate to the table and sat down to eat, still ignoring the dog.

 

It would have been good if I could have ignored the girl, too, but she came right up to me, frowning, and tried to look into my face.

 

"Go away."

 

"Big brother...what happened to your eyes?"

 

"Do not address me."

 

"Saïx?"  She sounded disturbed now.

 

I summoned my weapon and slammed the point of it down hard enough to crack the floor.  Both dog and girl backed away, frightened.  "Go away.  Do not talk to me.  Unless you can tell me how to return to the World That Never Was, I have no interest in you."

 

She quickly scooped up the dog and retreated to the living room, and I resumed my meal.

 

**Young Xion**

 

Something was wrong something was wrong this was _bad_.  "Roxas!"

 

"What," he said, watching cartoons and playing a video game at the same time.

 

I thought I should put Chi down, but I was scared and she felt good in my arms so I hugged her tighter.  She licked my neck and it tickled.  "Roxas, something's wrong with Saïx."

 

"Mm."

 

I don't think he heard me.  He's playing his stupid game.

 

I put Chi on his head and she fell on his game and he yelled and then I yelled in his ear, "LISTEN TO ME, ROXAS!"

 

"YOU KILLED ME!" he yelled back.

 

"THIS IS IMPORTANT!"

 

"BE QUIET!" Saïx yelled from the kitchen, so loud the windows rattled.  I shivered, and Roxas dropped the game and stared.

 

"That's _Saïx_?"

 

"Yes," I whispered, "but something's wrong with him.  Let's go get Daddy."

 

"No, let's get Axel."

 

I wished he wouldn't talk so loud.  "But--"  Then I could hear Saïx coming, and I grabbed Chi and Roxas and ran fast.

 

**Teenage Axel**

 

I try really, really hard not to wake up, but with the kids shaking me and shaking me and shaking me, and finally dropping Chi and Destiny and Bomb and whatever else they can find on me, I roll over (onto one of the action figures they'd dumped on me, which hurts, so I roll back) and groan "Whaaaaaattttt?" with my eyes still shut.

 

"Wake up, Axel!"

 

"Make Saïx stop being scary!"

 

"Saïx?" I open my eyes and look at them.  Bomb's taken refuge on a shelf and is washing his face, pretending he doesn't care that he's just been harassed; Destiny's curling up under my arm as if he's just as sleepy as I am.  "What's he doing?"

 

"He broke the floor."

 

" _Huh_?"

 

"He yelled really loud."

 

"What are you talking about?"

 

"Go make him be nice...."

 

I sigh and drag myself out of bed.

 

Downstairs - there really _is_ a squashed place on the kitchen floor, what the heck?! -, Saïx has taken the landline phone out of its cradle and is turning it over in his hands as if he's never seen it in his life before.  He's not wearing glasses, for some reason.  His hair seems longer and even shaggier than usual, and he's wearing a long black coat that's _totally_ un-Saixey, but which actually looks kind of cool.  I want one.

 

"Where'd you get that coat?"

 

He raises his head to look at me, and frowns.  "Axel?"

 

"Yeah?" I say, trying to figure out why this feels so wrong wrong wrong.

 

"What are you doing here, and dressed like that?"

 

The kids are both clinging to me, peeping out at Saïx in fascination.

 

"Whaddaya mean 'dressed like that'?  I just woke up."

 

"Do the corridors work for you?"

 

"Huh?"

 

"The corridors," he says impatiently.  "They are closed to me unless I try to travel to someplace within this same world."

 

"What are you _talking_ abou--?!"

 

His eyes.  His freaking eyes.  They're...dead.  I can't see a single thing in them.  Cold dread seems to seep down my entire spine, as if I'm looking at a ghost.  "S...Saïx...."

 

"How did we get to this place?  All I remember was working on some paperwork last night, and then awakening here."

 

"...Hey, Sai...I'm gonna go...comb the kids' hair, okay?  Bye."

 

"Axel--"

 

I grab the kids' hands and hurry them back up the stairs as fast as I can.

 

"I don't wanna comb my hair," Roxas complains.

 

"What's wrong with him?" Xion asks, sounding upset.

 

"I dunno, Xi, but you're right, he's creeping me out.  I'm getting your dad."

 

"I _told_ you we should have gotten Daddy," she says to Roxas, who sticks his tongue out at her.

 

Their bedroom door's locked, as usual on Saturday mornings.  I keep pounding my fist against the wood, not even pausing when I hear Mom's irritated shouting and then a warning rumble from Xem.  _'I don't care what the heck you're doing or how gross it is, cut it out and_ get out here _, we need you.'_

 

There's a sound of stomping feet and furious unlatching, then Mom flings open the door, probably naked under her bathrobe, and grabs me by the hair to shove me against the wall.  Not hard enough to hurt, though it would've if the kids hadn't been watching.  I wish we _were_ alone so that I can get angry and fight back, but with everyone's eyes on us, I have to pretend like I don't care.  _'No, Axel.  It's_ good _that you're not alone, that's the whole point.'_

 

"Are you _stupid_?" she hisses at me.  "What do you _think_ a locked door means, you do not just _ignore_ your mother when she tells you to get lost, if you think it's funny to keep _interrupting_ us when--"

 

"I NEED XEM," I finally manage to say loud enough for her to hear over her ranting.  "There's something wrong with Saïx."

 

At Saïx's name, she instantly lets go of me and backs away as if I have Saïx cooties or something.  Xem comes to join us in the doorway, frowning dangerously and buttoning his shirt.  "What's the meaning of this, Axel?"

 

"Daddy, please go fix Saïx," Xion begs.  Both the kids have protectively taken hold of my hands, and Roxas is glaring at Mom.

 

Xem's frown deepens, though his expression is now more puzzled and wary than angry.  "Saïx?"

 

"He made a hole--" Xion starts to say, "I mean, he's being kind of mean, and he...his eyes aren't talking anymore, I miss him...."

 

Xem's eyes suddenly widen, which surprises me.  Then he strides past us toward the stairs, and we all follow him.

 

Back in the kitchen, Saïx is now frowning at a calendar as if it doesn't make sense to him.  As soon as Xem comes in, he straightens up quickly and nods his head.  "Lord Xemnas."

 

 _Huh_?!

 

"Saïx," Xem says sharply.  He glances at the floor.  "What is the meaning of this?"

 

Saïx looks at the cracked floor, too, as if he's wondering why Xem cares.  "Apologies, my lord.  I will have the Dusks see to it."

 

There's a long silence.  Then Saïx's eyes widen and he looks around.  "The Dusks...."  He looks as if he's waiting, then his face seems to pale and his breathing quickens.  "My lord...neither the Dusks nor any Berserkers are answering my summons, I do not understand it...."

 

Xem practically lunges at him and demands, "Look at me."

 

Saïx does so warily.  It's so weird watching him.  He doesn't seem intimidated by his father at all, which is how I realize for the first time that my brother usually _is_ intimidated by Xem.  Now, though, Saïx mostly just seems to be confused, as if Xem isn't acting the way he expects.

 

Then Xem starts doomgazing.

 

Saïx's mouth falls open for a minute in shock, as if he's never seen a doomgaze before in his life.  Then his face hardens and his hands clench, and then THE WEIRDEST thing happens.  There's like this black smoky swirl suddenly appearing near his hand, and then it disappears again.  It's almost like something started to show up and then took off again before actually getting here.  Saïx acts like he didn't even notice, and I wonder if I hallucinated it or something.

 

Xem and Saïx are glaring at each other now, Xem looking like he's trying to tear down a wall by willpower alone, and Saïx looking like he wants to punch Xem in the face but is holding back.  They keep it up for a while.  Then Xem finally closes his eyes, sighs, and leans back, and Saïx stumbles back a few steps.  He regains his balance quickly and glares again.  "...What are your orders, Lord Xemnas?"

 

Xem opens his eyes and steps back, placing himself between us and Saïx.  "Get out," he says.  "Never return to this house, and never come near this family."

 

Saïx watches him with narrowed eyes for a minute.  Then his eyes move to me, and I hold my breath, but he doesn't doomgaze me or anything, even though he kind of looks like he's trying to.  Then he shakes his head a little, says, "As you wish," and - OPENS A FREAKING HOLE IN THE UNIVERSE.  Mom gasps, Roxas tugs on my shirt and demands to know what it is, and Xion yells, "Saïx come back!" but Saïx is already stepping into the black hole, which vanishes.

 

We all stand there for a while, staring.

 

Then Xem strides over and seizes the house phone, punching a number in and then pacing restlessly as he waits for the call to connect.  "Xigbar, it's happened."

 

Huh?

 

"You _know_ what I'm talking about; he's taken Saïx.  ....  Then he must have done it some time last night!"  At whatever Xigbar says, he abruptly comes to a halt.  " _What_?  ....  Are you sure?  ....  Well, there's no need to be rude about it, it's a reasonable question!  ....  I...Xigbar--"

 

Xem glances at us, then lowers his tone and starts wandering into the living room, though we all follow him to keep listening.  "Xigbar, I can't explain it over the phone; you need to get here _now_.  ....  Then say you're running errands and have Van watch him.  Xigbar, are you _sure_ it's him, and not...not our uncle's brother?  ....  You _know_ what I mean, Xigbar, I don't have time to play your games, especially when my son might be--!"  He blows out a breath.  "How do you know that it's not simply the real Xehanort now, and that Saïx is the new host?"  He closes his eyes briefly.  "Regardless, I _need you here_ , and I expect you to treat this as a true _emergen_ \--"

 

Then Xem stops dead again - his eyes widen, and his face completely drains of color.  I've never seen Xem look scared before.  It kind of scares the crap out of _me_ , too.  Xion now has a death grip on my hand, Roxas is hiding completely behind me, and even Mom is gripping my shoulder hard.  "Xigbar...you don't think...there could be more than one of Them here in this world...do you?"

 

"Who's 'them'?" I demand.

 

I don't know if Xem even heard me.  I can hear Xigbar, though, cussing on the other end of the line.

 

"Stop it.  Just get over here.  ....  You _have_ to leave Van, he--!  ....  Xigbar, he'll be _fine_ , he can do more things with the Speech more easily than even you or I--"  Xem gives an exasperated sigh.  "Fine, have it your way.  Just _come_ as soon as you can."  He hangs up, stands there for a minute with his head bowed, then turns to us with a completely neutral expression.

 

"Xem, what's happening?" Mom asks, her voice tight and high-pitched.

 

Xem picks up Xion before he answers.  She immediately wraps her arms around his neck and huddles into him as he holds her.  "...It is not a matter you need to be worried about, my dear," he says to Mom, his tone gentle but his eyes so blank and walled-up that they remind me of the creepy Saïx's eyes.

 

"What's wrong with Saïx?!  Why did you look so worried?!"

 

"Who's 'them'?" I ask again.

 

Xem shakes his head, dials another number, and holds the phone to his ear.  I want to throw something, out of impatience and fear, but I don't want to make noise so that I can't hear.

 

"Hello, Aqua," Xem says.

 

Aunt Aqua?

 

"I was wondering if you'd like to go shopping with Lea and the children today.  ....  Well, you'll have to cancel it.  I'd like you to go shopping."

 

Heh.  Aqua's mad, I can hear her tone.

 

A bit of _impatience anger_ \- and _anxiety_ \- leaks out of Xem's eyes.  "Aqua," he says, sounding like he's silently counting to ten to try to keep his temper, "you once asked me to trust you as if you were my sister.  I am now, as a brother, asking you for help."  I'm scared again, and I know Mom is, too.  Whatever the heck is going on, it's completely freaking out XEM.  But then he goes back to his normal arrogant tone and says, "Thank you.  I hope you enjoy the afternoon.  You should, ahem, come prepared."

 

Whaaaat?

 

He smiles a little at her response, then says good-bye and hangs up.  "There, it's all arranged.  She'll be bringing along her husband and brother to keep an eye on the children, and that way, the two of you can relax."

 

"What do you mean, 'relax'?!  _What happened to Saïx_???" Mom yells.

 

Xem sighs.  "He's simply gotten himself mixed up in something that he shouldn't have, but my brother and I will take care of it.  You don't have to worry about a thing, my dear.  You may have a nice time with your sister-in-law and buy whatever you like."

 

" _Anything_ I want?" Mom growls.  "You'd better not complain about 'spending limits' or 'the budget' when I come home."

 

Xem looks like he's trying not to get mad again.  "Yes, dear.  _Anything_ you like."

 

I silently curse Mom for being an idiot, letting herself be bribed out of curiosity.  The way Xem's still holding Xion, his favorite kid, has me worried.  People don't get protective like that unless they feel like there's something to protect their treasures _from_.

 

Mom goes to get ready, and Xem orders the kids to wash their faces and comb their hair.  I'm about to follow them - I'm still in the same clothes I woke up in, after all - but Xem grabs my shirt and drags me back into the kitchen and nearly shoves me against the wall.  My hackles rise, though at the same time I can tell it's different than when Mom does it.  For one thing, he's never been rough with me before; for another, it's fear in his eyes, not anger.  "Axel."

 

"What," I snap.  I don't care if he's scared; if he keeps shoving me around like this, I'm gonna hit him.

 

"I will make my expectation very clear:  you will protect my daughter with your life.  If harm comes to her because you failed to do all in your power to keep her safe...."  The unspoken threats in his eyes give me goosebumps.  What's freaking me out is that Xem Acerbi does not joke around or exaggerate.  When he says to protect Xion with my life, _he really means it_.

 

"Xem.  What exactly am I up against, here?"

 

He hesitates.  Then he starts doomgazing me, but in the weirdest way.  I feel kind of like...it's some kind of sci-fi movie, like he's transferring something to my mind.  Not pictures or words exactly, just... _dark, powerful figures, beyond the realm, burning golden eyes, danger, anger, sacrifice, despair, give him what he wants in order to protect what is more precious, protect, protect, protect, light in my arms, my lost light sullied, the dimming light before me I can't save; grief, my son, that dim light now consumed, beyond my reach, my son is lost to the darkness forever...._

 

I'm gasping and crying, and I scrub the tears away as fast as I can and look up to find Xem watching me.  I glare at him.  "I bet that downloading stuff into people's brains is illegal.  I should sue you."  _'You actually care about Saïx after all?'_ I'm wondering.  _'Were those thoughts really yours, or were you just...?  What_ was _that?!'_

 

"Forgive my clumsiness," he says stiffly, "my thoughts at this time are more erratic than usual.  However, it is no matter; I trust that your task is still clear."

 

The stupid thing is that I can't even get on his case as much as I want to, because I really _would_ protect Roxas and Xion with my life.  It's just...stupid and weird to have someone, to have my horrible stepfather, _assigning_ me to do that, as if I'm some sort of professional bodyguard.  "Who's after us?  What were those dark... _things_?  What'd they do to Saïx?"  I'm trying not to let myself realize just how much trouble my brother might be in, because then I'll completely lose it.  It felt like Xem had been grieving for Saïx as if he was _dead_.

 

"There is no 'they,' there is only one," Xem says irritably.  "Xigbar and Van and I have been working carefully over many years to keep him at bay, and you could do nothing to help even if I took the time to explain the entire situation to you.  Your job is simple:  keep Xion safe.  You care about her, do you not?"

 

"Are we having alien assassins coming after us or something?!  Because that's what I got from your fail mind-meld!  _Tell me what's going on_!"  But he just doomgazes me until I can't stand it anymore, and I storm up the stairs, hating his guts and knowing that I can't do anything except what he wants.  _'I hate you, hate you; someday we'll all be grown up and I can get my brothers and sister away from you, and we won't have to put up with your dictatorship anymore.'_

 

Aqua eventually shows up with Terra and Zack.  The guys look normal, and Roxas and Xion seem to calm down; but as they're all laughing and teasing, I edge over to my aunt, who seems quieter than usual.

 

"Hey.  Aunt Aqua.  Something's wrong with Saïx, Xem's being a jerk, and can you _please_ tell me what all this is about?"

 

"You probably know more than I do," she murmurs unhappily.  "I've just never seen Xem this upset before, so I figured it was important to help...."

 

"Same here.  Aunt Aqua, I think there's something really creepy out there.  I'm scared to death for the kids."

 

"That's why I brought them," she says unhappily, meaning Zack and Terra, "but when we have no idea what we're up against, I just...."  She blows out a breath.  "We'll have to trust Xem."

 

"No way!"

 

"We have to, Axel.  We can bully some answers out of him later."  Hearing her say that makes me smile, and I feel better.  I'd _love_ to see Aqua giving Xem a hard time, since I can completely believe it of her....

 

The shopping is so boring; Mom drags us around, the kids whine, and Zack and Terra do their best to keep up everyone's spirits.  Aqua and I keep looking around, scouting for danger like Secret Service agents.  Everything seems normal until we're at yet another clothes store, Mom's popping herself and Xion in and out of clothes to model for the guys, Roxas is peering under dressing room doors like a perv because hearing half-naked women shriek in surprise is less boring than trying on clothes, and Aqua's actually eyeing a rack full of dresses nearby.  I figure I can run to the bathroom real quick and get back before any alien assassins show up.

 

Wrong.  I nearly scream like a little girl in surprise when I turn away from the sink and see Saïx glowering at me near the bathroom door.  "S-Saïx...."

 

He's still wearing that coat that's too cool for him.  I glance over him quickly, looking for signs of anything else wrong.  The complete lack of a doomgaze is one, and so is something I didn't notice before - his ears are pointed, like an elf's.  I just can _not_ imagine Saïx gluing on elf ears for fun.  He also seems...bigger, I guess.  Like, I have a hard time picturing him at school.  There's nothing teenagerish about him at all, he's a _man_ ; he looks more buff than my brother, and he's...just...bigger.  This guy looks like he could break someone's face without a scrap of mercy.

 

"Axel.  I need to talk to you."

 

I swallow.  "Xem told you to stay away from our family...."  I feel bad saying it, because Saïx _is_ our family, but...I dunno.  For some reason, as mad as I am at Xem, I can't help trusting him and his judgment more now than I ever have before.  This Saïx doesn't feel like my brother....  He scares me.

 

Saïx doesn't even blink, though.  "Aren't the NPCs back at that house?  Forget them."  He moves toward me, and it takes an effort to not back away.  "You never answered me."

 

"Uh...about what?"

 

"I don't have time to play around.  How did you get here?"

 

"We drove."  _'Duh.'_

 

His eyes narrow.  "What?"

 

"You know.  In a car?"

 

He slams his hand down on the sink next to me, and I can't help flinching.  He's too close.  What the heck, protect Xion with my life?  If it comes to throwing punches, I have a feeling I won't last a minute against this freak....

 

"I _said_ I don't have time to play around," he growls.  "What's wrong with you?"

 

"What's wrong with _you_?  You scared the kids this morning, you busted a hole in the floor....  What happened to your doomgaze?"

 

He looks at me in a way that would _hurt_ if he still had that doomgaze, but I almost want to laugh, looking into those yellow eyes and seeing nothing there.  He thinks he can push me around with a glare when all his feelings are just trapped inside his skull?  "Axel, if I still had patience, I would be losing it by now.  Are one or both of us on a mission, or is this a mistake?  Do you know anything about Lord Xemnas's new power?"

 

"...Hey.  Are you, like, Saïx's evil twin, or his clone or something?"  I'm starting to seriously doubt that, no matter what he looks like or what name he answers to, this guy is even my brother at all.  He acts like a completely different person.

 

That black swirl pops up by his hand again, but this time, an entire huge _weapon_ finishes materializing, and he smacks it down next to me, cracking the tiles.  I suddenly know exactly how he broke the floor at home.

 

"Summon your weapons," he growls.  "I think a boss battle is in order."

 

I wish I _had_ weapons.  "Sai...if you want a fight, fine, but ditch the club first.  Ginormous weapon versus my fists is very Not Cool."  He lifts the club and swings it.  My reaction is a bit slow, because I can't bring myself to believe until it's almost too late that he'd actually try to kill me.  But I do finally manage to duck in time, and the sound of shattering glass screams in my ears as he destroys a mirror.  I don't wait to see whether he'll try again; I take off running, about to head for the store but then swerving in the opposite direction.  The last thing I want is to lead this freak to the people I love.

 

He comes chasing after me.  It feels like a complete nightmare, running for my life like this, but it's completely, entirely real, and I realize in horror that he's going to catch up to me soon.  I dive out the nearest door and race out into the parking lot, having no plan in mind except to just _run_.

 

Hurling myself straight over cars rather than around them gives me a little advantage, and he doesn't catch me until we reach the hill at the border of the parking lot.  I yell as something crashes into my legs and seems to _hold_ me, then panic seizes me when I realize I can't move.  Because he's FROZEN me.  With _actual ice_.  I don't know HOW THE HECK he did it, but almost my entire body from feet to chest is encased in ice like I'm a statue, and I clamp my mouth shut so I won't scream again.  Nightmare, nightmare, total nightmare, it didn't hurt much before but now the ice is biting my flesh with cold and I _can't move_ my legs and WHAT DID HE DO TO ME...?!

 

I hear the sound of a car screeching up, then get distracted by the ice suddenly shattering, sending me tumbling to the ground.  The relief shooting through my chest is almost painful when I hear their voices - Xem, Xigbar, Van.  They came to save me, right?  But before I can get up, something nearly knocks the wind out of me, pinning me to the ground.  I realize with a flash of horror and outrage and Saïx is _standing_ on me, one boot planted on my back.  "Do you MIND?!"  I can't throw him off, though, even when I struggle....

 

Van's laughing, looking as delighted as if it's Christmas morning, and doesn't seem to care that _glee horror RELIEF fear_ keep leaking out of his eyes whenever he looks at Saïx.  Xigbar raises an eyebrow.  "You think we care about that brat enough for him to be an effective hostage?"

 

"You're not the real Superior or the Freeshooter, are you," Saïx says flatly.  "This is not the real Number VIII, either.  He's just a helpless boy in this alternate world of yours, and you seem to care about him a good deal more than I do.  Let me go my way in peace, and I'll return him to you unharmed."

 

"You were meant to be contained within our own family," Xem says tightly.  "You lied to me, moved on early, it was my own fault you took my son from me.  But we will not allow you to roam free amongst the people of this world."

 

"You'll have to excuse my brother," Xigbar says lightly, "he's an idealist.  _I'm_ just killing you because I think you and all your kind are scum."

 

"And I'm only in it because I've always wanted to blow your head off," Van laughs.  Then the smile dies and he mutters, "Just didn't realize it'd be _less_ fun when you have the idiot's face...you should've stuck with Gramps; given me a better game."

 

"Enough chat," Xigbar says.  "Let's shoot him."

 

"We can't shoot him _here_ ," Xem objects, waving out at the parking lot and all the gawkers.

 

"Speak for yourself," Xigbar says, and raises his gun.

 

Pain lances through me as if I've been struck by lightning, and I scream and scream and scream, feeling like someone chainsawed me in half but left me alive.  Gradually I realize that I can writhe like this because Saïx isn't standing on me anymore; that the agony is all concentrated in my right arm like a bonfire with flames of pain leaping out through the entire rest of my body.  He broke my arm.  He SHATTERED my freaking ARM, just slammed that thing into me like I'm a pile of dirt with no life and no feelings like we're not brothers like I'm worthless, I'll _kill_ him if I don't die from this except I really, really, really, really am dying, I had _no idea that anything could hurt this much_....

 

I think I passed out, then pain like lightning bursts through me again and I'm screaming so hard it takes awhile to realize he's shoved something into my mouth.  I finally notice it because of the taste, glorious, like drinking a rainbow.  That's the only reason I don't spit out whatever-it-is; it tastes so freaking good, but even more, it's making the pain go away.

 

The pieces of my brain, broken by pain like glass under a hammer strike, start gluing themselves back together.  They were fighting.  Saïx wasn't just bluffing; I was a real hostage, he wrecked my arm without a second's hesitation to show he meant business.  They fought while I was rolling around screaming my head off - I remember gunshots now, yelling.  Xem and Xigbar and Van were fighting him.  Where are they now, though...?  They're gone, it's Saïx kneeling here holding me and forcing this awesome crazy stuff down my throat, how'd we end up here, anyway?  I don't even see the mall.  Where'd he take me while I was passed out?!

 

I cuss at him even as I'm gasping for breath; it doesn't hurt much anymore, but my arm is so hot like there's a fire burning in my bones and I feel like rainbows are sparkling all through my mouth and down my esophagus.

 

"Be quiet," he says.

 

"You BROKE my ARM!!!!!!!"

 

"Stop complaining, you're fine now."

 

"?!?!?!"  Except he's right, I kind of _am_ fine....  I sit up, and a few seconds later both the rainbows and the fire fade, and I stare at my arm, and there's drying blood all over the place creeping me out, but I'm waving my arm around and it feels fine.  _Perfectly fine_.  It's all straight, instead of twisted and crushed like it was before.  "WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!?!"

 

"Shut up.  It was just an Elixir.  Let's go."

 

"NO!"  I jump to my feet.  "I'M NOT GOING _ANYWHERE_ WITH YOU!!!!"  I'm about to march off, but then....  I don't know what they are.  Like ropes, made of black and silver thorns; like wisps of goth ribbon that encircle me and tighten around my wrists and feel like _nothing_ but make me almost sick to touch, and somehow drag me along after him like I'm a dog on a leash.  "STOP IT!  LET ME GO!"

 

Totally ignores me.  I keep feeling sick as I'm dragged along after him, straight into one of those black nightmare holes in the universe, no matter how much I dig my heels in and resist.  The weird colors inside hurt my eyes, and I squeeze them shut.  I rage at him so I won't cry.  "LET ME GO!  LET ME GO!  LET ME GO...!"

 

He's not my brother.  He might have Saïx's face, Saïx's voice, but this is a complete stranger, a monster.  And he's taken me prisoner, and I can't escape.

 

_'Protect Xion with your life.'_

 

Remembering finally calms me down....  If he has me, then he doesn't have Roxas or Xion.  If this not-Saïx _thing_ is tormenting me, then he's not even thinking about the people I'm supposed to protect.  And that's good.

 

I open my eyes again.  "Hey.  Ugly."  It's like we're walking through a bizarre inter-dimensional corridor--  He'd asked me about a 'dark corridor' before, hadn't he?  "Where are we going?"

 

"Shut up."

 

"OI.  Where are we going?  Where are we going?  Are we there yet?  Are we there yet?  Are we there yet?"

 

He stops and turns back to me.  "I _will_ hit you.  And I won't bother with an Elixir this time; my restorative items are limited."

 

 _'If he's hitting me, he's not thinking about my family.'_   Protecting others has always made me stronger and braver.  "Yeah, because nothing says 'manliness' more than beating up someone who's tied up and can't fight back."

 

He glares and turns away to keep walking, dragging me after him again.  I hate him so much, I hate hate hate this guy _so much_ , where is my brother...what did he do to the real Saïx...?

 

_To be continued...._

 

Author's Notes:  I very randomly got inspiration to continue writing this. ^^;  Otherwise it might have been much, much longer before I finally got a chance to work on it.

 

Speaking of which, oi.  It's happened before on other stories, but on this fic in particular, I got a number of 'reviews' and PMs from people outright demanding that I update.  What annoyed me was the fact that none of these messages were accompanied by actual feedback, it was simply something to the effect of "UPDATE NAO!!!!" from total strangers.  None of these people had left any feedback on the first chapter, either.  It was like they'd just silently read the story, but never bothered to say a word to me until I took a long time to update and they got impatient.  **If you _have_ to beg for updates, at least have the courtesy to leave a real, meaningful review along with it, you know?  Otherwise it just annoys me and makes me less inclined to do what you want.**

 

Sorry for the lecture, but I've written fanfiction for a very long time now, and I've lost patience with rudeness. *sweatdrop*

 

Anyway, so yay, new chapter.  Or maybe not yay....  CanonSaix is pretty bad.  He was better than I expected with the kids, but stopped bothering to behave once Axel was the only one around. *sweatdrop*  I thought this chapter would cover a lot more material, but I was surprised to find that it's actually longer than the first chapter, yet cSaix and sAxel hadn't even reached their destination yet....  And btw, I'd _thought_ that this story was a total AU from the main _Stepsiblings_ storyline, but then later, it decided to integrate itself anyway.  A lot more of the Subplot of Narm made it into this story than I intended.  So I guess the Stepsibs universe characters really did meet the canon ones at some point, and will meet them again when their help is needed....

 

I was also debating whether or not to actually let Saïx break Axel's arm, or to just make it an alternate scenario.  The 'real' scenario would have just been Saïx dragging Axel into a dark corridor as soon as the Acerbis showed up.  I'm still not sure which is better....

 

 **I REMEMBERED THE PETS THIS TIME.** 8D I'm so proud of myself.  I seriously have to go back and add them in to the other stories, though; it's crazy how often I forget them. *sweatdrop*


	34. Eighty-seven, chapter 3 {Stepsibs-Saix, Stepsibs-Ansem, & canon-DiZ}

**_Eighty-seven_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic by Raberba girl**

**Chapter 3 [rough draft]**

**Teenage Saïx**

 

I probably would have enjoyed it more if I wasn't so preoccupied with thoughts about my family and how in the world I was going to get home.  The town was so warm and restful, it was a soothing contrast to the stress I'd awakened to.

 

"She had babies about a month ago," Xion said, picking up the dog and holding her out to me.  "I fed her every day, and the puppies all got adopted."

 

I stared at the animal wriggling in Xion's hands in excitement, as if she was trying to get closer to me.  "Ch...Chi?"

 

Axel glanced at me curiously.  "Hm?"

 

I reached out and took the dog into my arms.  She reached as high as she could to shower me with ecstatic kisses, then snuggled into my chest.  "I...I have a pet at home who looks...and acts...exactly like this...."

 

Axel stared at me, then burst into laughter.  "You have a pet Chihuahua and you named her _Chi_?"

 

I glared at him.  "It's no better than _you_ , naming your cat 'Bomb' with an eight-year-old's creativity...."

 

"Wait, _I_ have a pet?"

 

"Yes.  A cat."

 

Axel looked thoughtful.  "Huh...I had a set of Frisbees with Bombs on them when I was a kid...."

 

"Look, Chi, you found a friend," Xion cooed at the dog.  "Saïx will take good care of you."

 

"No."  I set Chi - _the dog_ \- back on the ground and tried to back away, though she simply stepped close to me again in her 'waiting for orders' stance.  "This isn't my dog, just like none of you are my siblings.  She belongs in this world, not with me."

 

"Maybe she belongs with jerk-Saïx," Roxas mused.

 

"I bet she _does_ ," Axel said enthusiastically.  "Sai used to be a total dog nut."

 

"Can we take her back to the castle?" Xion begged.  " _Please_ , Axel, pleeeeaaaase?"

 

"Sure, I guess."

 

"Well, _I'm_ not taking care of her," I snapped.  "If you want to try some experiment with this dog and _your_ Saïx, be my guest.  But I've already got a Chi at home, I have no intention of dragging this one away from her own home."

 

"Poor Chi~" Axel baby-talked at the dog.  " _Both_ your daddies are jerks."

 

I gave him an exasperated look.

 

We did check the town's library, but it was not very well stocked.  Xion and Roxas soon got distracted by picture books in the children's section, exclaiming appreciatively about how easy they were to read and that they were more interesting than anything they'd ever had to read before.  I glared at Axel.  "Don't you ever take them to the library?"

 

"Are you kidding?  Why the heck would I do that?"

 

I was so unaccustomed to hearing adults disparage the value of reading that I was at a loss for a minute.  "S-So they can _read_!  Children ought to always have discretionary reading material available."

 

"Sai, they both hate reading, and they don't have time, anyway.  By the time we RTC and eat dinner and get ready for bed and stuff, we don't really get a chance to do much because we always have to be waking up early for work.  Besides, they're too tired to read at night."

 

"It's not like reading is _difficult_!"  It was a good stress-reliever, if nothing else.

 

Axel looked at me as if I was speaking unintelligently.  "Yes, it is.  Especially for them; they get enough of a workout trying to decipher their mission briefs every day, they don't need the extra stress of having to read after work, too."

 

Reading.  Stressful.  He was killing me.  I immediately marched over to the front desk and demanded to open four new accounts.  I was denied, on the basis that neither I nor any of my companions actually resided in Twilight Town, but I did manage to procure a guest card, limiting both the number and quantity of our checkouts.  I went back to the non-fiction section and chose my research volumes carefully, leaving enough of the quota left over for my siblings--  my alternate siblings.

 

"No!  I won't!"

 

" _One book_ , Axel!"

 

"You can't make me!"

 

"Stop being so CHILDISH, you're a grown man, for heaven's sake!  What is it you're most interested in?"

 

"Burning things."  He meant it as a defiant refusal, but I did manage to find a book on historical explosive devices, which he actually got absorbed in despite strong initial resistance.  I made Xion and Roxas fill up the rest of our quota with whatever they seemed even the least bit interested in, and added one last book to the top of the stack.

 

"What's that?" Xion asked.

 

"My real siblings' favorite picture book....  I'll read it to you later this evening."

 

Axel kept reading his book even as we were walking through the dark corridor.  "Coooool!  Did you know that you can start fires with poop?!"

 

"What?!" both of the younger ones shrieked, laughing gleefully.

 

I sighed.  So childish.  "Yes.  I did, in fact, know that urea nitrate can be a very volatile substance - and now you, do, too.  Because you _read a book_."

 

Axel waved a hand dismissively, eyes still fixed on the page.  "Yeah, whatever, fine; reading's great."

 

Back at the castle, Axel made me stay in his room with Chi while he and the children went to make dinner.  We all agreed that it would be wise for me to avoid the other Organization members, and it also seemed that someone in authority might take issue with the dog's presence.  I let her curl up next to me as I started searching for any hint about how I might be able to return to my rightful world.

 

The other three eventually returned with a load of hamburgers and hot dogs.  Frankly, it looked disgusting, but since there was nothing else to eat, I forced down as much as I could tolerate.  Then Axel started to play a video game, but soon laid it aside and watched over my shoulder as I read _Stellaluna_ to the younger two.  _"On silent wings the powerful bird swooped down upon the bats...."_

 

They all seemed attentive as I read, and Xion, leaning against me with her chin propped on my shoulder, sometimes even gasped or made sympathetic noises in appropriate places.  Roxas (I had to keep telling him to lean back, his messy hair kept obstructing my view...) had a few questions, which I tried to answer patiently even though they were inquiries I'd expect more from a kindergartener.  Axel did make a few jokes, though his mocking was mild and made in good humor.  When I finished the book, I asked them how they liked it.

 

"I'm glad her mom's not dead," said Roxas.

 

"They're friends just like us," Xion remarked happily.

 

"This is really you guys' favorite book?" Axel murmured.

 

"Yes.  I think we feel a bit like birds and bats - entirely different species, yet thrown together as a family...."

 

"I wish I could meet the other Axel and Roxas and Xion," Xion said wistfully.

 

"I wish _I_ could, too," I sighed.  Leaving Axel to read the rest of the books to them, I went back to studying.

 

_"As a world uniquely situated on the margin between the Realms of Light and Darkness...."_

_"...known as Gummi Blocks, which can be obtained by defeating certain types of Heartless only found in the void between the worlds...."_

Axel, unfortunately, did not have a Gummi ship, nor did he know any means of procuring one.

 

_"Traverse Town is often cited as a place of refuge for those who have lost their worlds of origin...."_

_"...legendary weapons.  Among which is the ability to transform into a vehicle customized to the taste of the wielder...."_

 

Neither Xion nor Roxas had any clue how to turn their Keyblades into vehicles, if such a thing was even possible.

 

_"...of course entirely theoretical, as the War itself would have happened roughly a thousand years ago and has left its mark in nothing more than legend...."_

 

I sighed and snapped the book shut.  "I'm never going to get home, am I."

 

Axel reached over to clap me on the shoulder.  "Come on, Sai, don't get depressed.  We'll get you home somehow."

 

"Or you can just live with us forever," Xion said hopefully.

 

"I'm afraid that's not an option," I said, trying not to sound as horrified as I felt at the idea.  Being trapped in this disturbing Organization was not what I would call a 'life.'

 

"I like reading when I don't have to read," Roxas said, gazing happily at the page Axel had left off on.

 

I only dimly registered what he said - my attention had suddenly been caught by my watch.  It was an analog one, and the hands were currently pointing to the numbers seven and eight.  At least...it was within the seven o'clock hour, and the longer hand had passed the numeral 8 two minutes ago.  "Axel," I said.  "You are Number VIII in this Organization, is that correct?"

 

"Yup."

 

"And I am Number VII?"

 

"Heh, don't think that makes you better than me."

 

"Hmmm...."

 

o.o.o.o.o

 

**Ansem the guardian**

 

That evening, I waited until his training session was over.  The boy came out at last, calling good-bye to his teammates and then going to unlock his bicycle.  I allowed him to see me in the shadows when he had come far enough away from the others, when there was no one else around besides the oblivious drivers passing in their noisy vehicles.

 

I lowered my Shield enough to catch his attention, and he stopped dead as he caught sight of me.  I was glad to see that his reflexes had improved.  He stared at me for a minute, and I wondered curiously what he would do.

 

He finally swallowed, smiled at me, and said in a cheerful tone, "Hi!  Are you here to kill me?"

 

I couldn't help chuckling.  "If that is what you suspect, shouldn't you be fleeing?"

 

"You'd catch me in a second."

 

"Very true.  Should I wish to capture or harm you, you would not be able to escape."

 

"That's what I figured.  So it couldn't hurt to ask, right?"

 

"Well, you will be happy to know that I mean you no harm - I have, in fact, devoted a great deal of time and energy to keeping you safe."

 

"Three kinds of people in this world," he murmured, almost as if quoting someone.  He smiled at me again and dismounted from his bicycle so that he could push it along.  "By the way, is that Van guy still mad at me?"

 

"I would not know.  I do not speak to him very often."

 

"Oh.  Well, if you see him again, tell him I'm sorry, okay?  I know it's his fault and all, but I think we can still be friends.  He won't believe me, but...I mean, he hasn't even tried."

 

I chuckled.  "I will pass along the message if I get the opportunity."

 

"Cool.  Thanks."

 

"I'm glad to see that you have kept up with your training."

 

He smiled sheepishly.  "I'm still not that good...."

 

"You are better than you think.  However, there is only so much you can learn from sparring against opponents of that kind."

 

"Are you gonna kidnap me for some kind of special training?"  He seemed so cheerful and at ease, but he was obviously still wary of me.  That was good.  His foster parents had taught him well.

 

"Not at the present time.  I actually...wish to ask a favor of you, Sora."

 

He paused.  "One of _you_ needs help from _me_?"

 

"It won't be very difficult.  And rest assured that it will harm no one.  It is actually a favor on behalf of your...cousin, I suppose."  Human familial relationships could be so complicated.

 

"My cousin?"

 

"The one who will be sacrificed in your place, should you be fully successful in eluding your fate."

 

" _What_?!"  He turned to face me, looking dismayed and a little angry.  "What do you mean, 'sacrificed'?  What 'fate'?"

 

"Surely you know there is a reason why your parents gave up so much to protect you?"

 

"Well, yeah, but Mom and Dad don't like to talk about it much...just that my real family's a bunch of bad people or something.  Hey."  He was staring hard at me, as if he could will me to explain.  "I don't know any cousins, but...is someone in trouble because of me?"

 

"Not because of _you_.  I'm afraid that the fault lies with myself."

 

"Huh?"

 

"It was a good experiment, and a successful one.  I did not realize that your cousin would get caught up in it - his number turned out to be unlucky, so to speak."

 

"Whaaaat are you talking about?"

 

"Merely that should you wish to help him, your task is simple."

 

He leaned toward me attentively.

 

"All you need do is go to bed as soon as you get home."

 

" _Huh_?"

 

"As I said, a simple task."  We had reached a crossroads, and I paused, watching him turn to the right.

 

He halted after a few steps and glanced back over his shoulder.  "Umm...you coming?"

 

"Your home is to the left."

 

"Nah, it's this way.  It's easy to get turned around."

 

I smiled affectionately at him.  "You're a clever boy, and a brave one, trying to lead me away from your family.  But do not fear; I mean them no harm, either, and I will part from you here."

 

"...Someday," he said quietly, "I'll get strong enough to beat you guys."

 

"I look forward to it very much, Sora."  I turned to leave.  "By the way - if your parents ask, his name is Saïx."

 

"Saïx?"

 

"A woman named Aqua Fair will confirm it."  With nothing more to say, I cloaked myself from view and, as far as he could tell, disappeared.

 

**DiZ**

 

"I did what you asked."

 

I looked down at Naminé, who reached out to offer me her sketchbook.  I took it out of her hands and paged through the newest drawings.

 

"...Is it what you wanted?"

 

"Yes, I suppose this will do," I said.  "Now leave."  She obeyed almost soundlessly.

 

I turned back to face the boy sleeping in the white memory pod:  Sora.  So unique and fascinating, a key in so many ways.  If my other self was right, it was this ordinary-looking boy's extraordinary heart that had bridged the chasm between us, guided us to find what we both sought.  He and his own other self would continue to help us as the experiment progressed, and my World and his drew ever closer.  "Sleep well, Sora."  I looked down at the top page in my hands where Naminé had drawn a path, wending its way between the stars.

 

_To be continued...._

 

Author's Notes:  LOL _why_ did Sora choose THIS story, of all things, to make his Stepsibs debut...? XD XD *facepalm*  And ftr, I made up a lot of that on the spot, so the timeline might be messed up whenever I get around to writing his side of the story in earnest.

 

Should've probably waited longer to post this, but my muse is _really_ interested in this story at the moment; I'm not used to having a new installment ready so soon. XD  And I figure, the last chapter unintentionally landed on something of a cliffhanger (though it didn't even get resolved in this one, lol), and I'd meant to write more anyway, and had only stopped to check the word count because it was late and I had to go to bed, so...yeah, chapter 3 already. ^^;  It's a lot shorter than the others, but AkuSaiRokuShi killing time in the canonverse wasn't very eventful (half a page in the outline, and some of it I even had to move to later in the story), whereas it's gonna take a while to get through (both versions of) what AkuSai's been up to (3 outline pages for the real version, 2 pages for the alternate version).  So chapter 4 should be long.

 

I was a bit hesitant to include the part about fertilizer, because it's actually caused a lot of tragedies by a lot of evil people. *sigh*

 

Heh, Kiryn was the one who got me thinking about Saïx being all indignant about the Keybearers' lack of reading skills.... XD

 

...I don't usually put much thought into premise mechanisms...such as _Seventy-eight_ , where I didn't even TRY to explain the time traveling....  My original mechanism for this story was (and still is) dumb, but I thought a bit and tried to expand on it so that it's not _quite as_ dumb as before.  Hopefully.  Just...don't scrutinize it too closely, okay...?


	35. Eighty-seven, chapter 4 {Stepsibs-Axel & canon-Saix}

**_Eighty-seven_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic by Raberba girl**

**Chapter 4 [rough draft]**

 

A/N:  Updating just because I've been wasting so much time lately and my summer vacation is, for all practical purposes, now over, and I want to feel less useless. *sigh*

 

**Teenage Axel**

 

SUNLIGHT.  We weren't in the corridor-thing for long, but I practically choke in relief when I come stumbling out and see good old-fashioned sunshine again.  It's still dim in here, though...blinding spots of light are poking through into the dusty air of...wherever-this-is.  Some kind of abandoned building, like an old warehouse.

 

The goth ribbon things finally slither off me, and I try to kick them, but miss.  Or maybe I did hit one, and I just can't tell because they FEEL LIKE NOTHING.  They shouldn't have been able to hold me, but--

 

?!?!

 

They're not disappearing they're not disappearing they're just drifting around me now like some sort of cage; can't get out, "GET THIS STUFF AWAY FROM ME!"

 

He's ignoring me again, pacing around the building looking at the walls.  I try to hit and kick the goth ribbons, break out of this freaking cage.  I can't _feel_ them, but they still won't let me _through_ , and trying so hard is making me feel sick again.  I can fit my arms and legs and head through the gaps, but the gaps keep _changing_ because the ribbons won't stop moving, and the stupid gaps are NEVER big enough to fit my whole body through.  I keep trying anyway, until I end up on my hands and knees trying as hard as I can not to throw up.  I have a feeling I'm not going to want to lose the last food I ate, and that if I _do_ throw up, I'm going to be stuck with it for who-knows-how-long.  I hate this...hate this, _hate this_....

 

He's coming over to me.  I fight my way back to my feet and clench my teeth.

 

"Axel."

 

"What."

 

"Why are you so staunchly refusing to cooperate?"

 

There are so, so, so many things I could scream at him.  "YOU _BROKE_ MY _ARM_."

 

"You've been badly injured a fair number of times, I fail to see why you keep harping on this particular incident."

 

"Are you even HUMAN?!  Do you even--?!"

 

He's staring at me.  "Axel - _you_ are human."  He says it as if he's just now realized it.

 

I stare back.  "What?"

 

"I see," he whispers.  Then he sighs deeply.  "Powerless, completely ignorant, useless."  He turns away.

 

"Oi.  OI."

 

Ignored.  AGAIN.  He walks into one of his black holes and disappears.

 

"SCREW YOU!!!!"

 

Well, whatever; he's gone now.  Back to work trying break out of here.

 

Eventually, I have to break down and admit to myself that it's impossible.  I can't escape, I'm being held prisoner, or maybe I'll be dying of starvation in a while if he decided to just take off for good and never come back.  _'No one knows I'm here.'_

 

But...they will if I call them.  Can't believe I didn't think about it before; fury was clouding my head so that I wanted to _do something_.  Well, that didn't work, so now I'm using a cell phone, and that's okay that I didn't think to use it sooner.  It's _fine_ , Axel.

 

_"AXEL!"_

 

"Hi, Aunt Aqua."  Then she bursts into tears, and I don't know what to say.  A minute later, I can tell that she's put me on speakerphone, and I'm starting to get the idea that she was worried freaking sick about me.  I guess the last anyone knew of me, my arm had been crushed to bits in a mall parking lot.  "Hey.  I'm fine.  My arm's fine."

 

Everyone's talking at once.  It sounds like _everyone's_ there:  the kids, Mom, Xem, pretty much all the aunts and uncles and cousins...what'd they do, wait 'til I was gone and then throw a family reunion?

 

"Oi!  One at a time, I can't hear a thing you're saying!"

 

Another burst of voices, and I roll my eyes.

 

Eventually, they get organized and make Zack their spokesman.  I can still hear them muttering and whispering in the background, but he's the one whose voice comes through loud and clear.  _"Where are you?"_

 

"No clue.  Some kind of abandoned warehouse or something; floor's a freaking filthy mess, windows all boarded up, bugs, saw a mouse run by...."  My heart sinks when they keep asking questions and I realize I can't give them more than that.  We came here through some kind of wormhole.  For all I know, we could be on the other side of the world.  ...Well, except that I can see some crumbling signs and stuff in English and Japanese, just like in our own country, so I guess that's _something_ to go on.  I take some photos and send them to Zack's phone.

 

_"Xion wants to know if you're scared."_

 

"I feel like--" ripping a certain guy's head off his shoulders, "--beating someone up and then coming home to relax and hang out with her and Rox, that's how I feel."

 

We talk some more.  I don't have any food, water, or blankets; evil-Saïx isn't around, I have no idea where he went or when he's coming back, if he ever even _is_ coming back; he fixed my arm with some kind of crazy magic potion; I have no idea why he's acting like this or why he kidnapped me.  Basically, I'm exactly what he said, useless, and the only good this is doing is letting me hear their voices again.

 

But I won't for long....  It's Aunt Ella who thinks to ask how much battery I have left, and I realize I'm down to the last bar.  For all I know, it's been like that since last night, so I seriously have to conserve power here.  "Hey...I guess I'm gonna go ahead and hang up now, all right?  I might need my phone again later."

 

 _"We love you,"_ Aqua says quickly, then they're all talking at the same time again, and I can't really hear them, but it doesn't matter because I understand them anyway.  One giant "We love you and we'll do everything we can to get you back" (minus whatever crap Van's being obnoxious with in the background).

 

"I love you guys, too, okay?  I'll call you when I have something better to go on.  Bye."  It's so hard to hang up and turn off the phone, but I have to.  Then I have to figure out a way to kill time without using electricity.  It's _really hard_.  People must have been bored out of their minds before they discovered how to catch lightning.

 

o.o.o.o.o

 

**Number VII**

 

This really was an unknown world - it matched _nothing_ I remembered from the database.  I committed as much as I could to memory, since I had no way of taking notes.  If it truly was an alternate existence as far as the inhabitants, the World itself was not a copy - at least, not of anything I was familiar with.  Impossible to tell whether that was a characteristic inherent to this World or if I was simply misunderstanding something due to having too little information.

 

One of the NPCs finally caught my attention because of her unusual behavior.  Rather than going about her business, she appeared to be waiting for me - a tiny figure on the sidewalk, large blue eyes fixed on me like an animal of prey about to flee, some sort of notebook clutched tightly to her chest.

 

I stopped for a moment to study her.  Her very young age made me slow to recognize her, but at last I realized that she bore a very striking resemblance to the Castle Oblivion test subject.  "Naminé."

 

She let out a terrified gasp, virtually flung the notebook at me, and rushed away behind a house.  I couldn't discern her words, but a man with a deep voice said in response, "Yes, Naminé, you did well.  I will return you to your family now."  At the sound of a dark corridor opening, I hurried to catch them, but was too late, and they were gone by the time I rounded the corner.

 

Losing such a lead was very unfortunate, but there was nothing I could do about it, and at least there remained one clue.  I returned to retrieve the dropped notebook, and began paging through it.  It was full of childlike pictures, drawn in crayon, but they meant nothing to me.  I sighed and closed the book again.  I would bring it back with me and study it some more later, if I could find nothing of better use.

 

**Teenage Axel**

 

It's actually a relief when he comes back, partly because yay he didn't abandon me to starve to death, partly because I'm SO FRICKIN' BORED that having evil-Saïx around again is better than nothing, and partly because maybe he'll feed me.  Maybe.

 

"Hey.  Let me out.  Let me out.  Let me out.  Let me out."  Is the guy even _capable_ of getting annoyed?  He just ignores me until I annoy _myself_ into stopping.  I don't even know what he's doing; just looking around at everything, flipping through some kind of book, rummaging around in a backpack, waving his arms like he's trying to do magic, random stuff.  Get me ooouuuutttt....  "HEY.  Hey, Ugly.  I'm hungry."  Still ignored.  I hate him _so much_.  "I'm HUNGRY.  I'M FRICKIN' HUNGRY.  HUMAN BEINGS LIKE ME NEED TO EAT.  OR WE DIE.  FEED ME.  FEEEEEED MEEEEEEE."

 

It's such a miracle when he finally actually _looks_ at me, that I keep being obnoxious for another minute because I just assumed he was continuing to ignore me, and it didn't occur to me to stop.

 

"Shut up."

 

"HALLELUJAH YOU TALKED TO ME.  NOW FEED ME."

 

He sighs.  He takes something out of a pocket I can't see and shows it to me.  "Is this accepted currency in this world?"

 

I stare at it.  It's like a gold, shiny, diamondey thing.  "If that's real gold, it....  _What_?"

 

"I _assume_ that obtaining food here requires one to exchange something of value for it," he says with icy sarcasm.

 

"You're gonna try to buy food with a chunk of gold?!"

 

"If that is not acceptable, then you'll just have to endure.  There is no other option."

 

"What are you TALKING about?!"  He starts ignoring me again, and now I'm kind of panicking, because who knows when he'll deign to pay attention to me again.  "SAIX, NO, WAIT, LOOK AT ME, OKAY OKAY, IF IT'S GOLD YOU CAN BUY STUFF WITH IT, ALL RIGHT?!  OH GOD PLEASE FEED ME I'M SO HUNGRY!"

 

He eyes me.  "This isn't gold, it's munny."

 

What the heck?  It doesn't look anything like money.  "Saïx, I am _starving_."

 

"There doesn't seem to be anything I can do about that, so you will just have to suffer."

 

"SAIX!!!!"  I _hate_ him!

 

I keep yelling until he looks fed up and pulls something out of his backpack, tossing it at me like I'm a dog in a cage.  It's a protein bar.  I wanna tell him to shove it, but I'm too hungry to turn up my nose at calories, so I settle for cussing him out between bites.  This thing would taste a lot more disgusting if I wasn't too hungry to care.  I hate hiiiiim....

 

"Oi.  Not-Saïx.  I need to pee."  IGNORED.  I hate him.  "IIIIIIII neeeeeeeed toooooooo peeeeee."  Still ignored I hate him hate him hate him so much.  "Let me out!  Let me out of here!"  Well, FINE, then.  I unzip my pants and aim vengefully, but he's moved too far away again GAH I HATE HIM.

 

That protein bar was pretty dry; my mouth now feels like it's coated with sawdust.  "Hey, I'm thirsty.  I'm THIRSTY.  Humans die without water, though you wouldn't know because you're a frickin' monster robot who doesn't need to eat or drink because you run on pure evil.  But I'm a HUMAN BEING with a HEART and a SOUL and a STOMACH, which means I need water, because I'm thirsty.  I'm thiiiiiiirstyyyyyyy."

 

"Is killing you the only way to shut you up?" he snaps.

 

I can't help swallowing a little nervously, because I'm almost certain he's literally considering it.  "Why'd you take me prisoner, anyway?  What are you going to do with me?"

 

"There is a possibility that you might eventually prove to be useful, but I'm starting to wonder if the disadvantages of keeping you alive are outweighing any potential advantages."

 

It's a little hard to take him seriously, because a part of my brain is an idiot and refuses to believe that my brother would say stuff like this; but my body is trembling because the not-stupid part of my brain knows that this freak is not my brother and that he doesn't even know the meaning of exaggeration.  It's all literal.  He's seriously considering killing me.  My arm might be fine now, but I definitely have not forgotten how frickin' much it hurt when he broke it.  Maybe I should switch tactics.  I shouldn't have so much pride when there's no one around to show off for.

 

Swallowing hard, I try to soften my voice and say, "Saïx, I'm really sorry for annoying you.  Okay?"

 

He looks at me, and I can't tell what he's thinking and I nearly panic again.  "Saïx...Saïx, I--  I'm human, okay?  I have, like, bodily needs.  I need water.  I'm really, really thirsty.  And I'm scared.  You're really scaring me.  Okay?  I'm used to Saïx acting...different, and you're not acting _anything_ like I'm used to, and it's...really throwing me off.  Okay?  ...Saïx?"

 

He comes right up to me, and I try hard not to move, not to back away.  He just looks at me for a while, and I look back, praying that he'll magically go back to normal and be the old wonderful grouchy insecure snooty Saïx whose buttons I knew how to press, rather than this machine whose buttons are all hidden and who doesn't give a crap about me.  Please, Saïx.  Please come back.  I need you and miss you and I'll never take you for granted or annoy you again, just _please come back_.

 

Finally he takes a water bottle out of his backpack and offers it to me.

 

I stare at it.  It's only half-full.  "Have you...been _drinking_ out of this?"

 

"Yes," he says in a monotone.

 

What the--?!  "I'm supposed to put my mouth on something _your_ mouth touched?!"  Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew....

 

Still, I'm desperately trying to psych myself up to do it, because I don't really have a choice, when he snaps, "You are _insufferable_ ," and disappears.

 

I stare after him.  Then I look back at the bottle ew ew _ew_ but I'm SO THIRSTY and who the freak knows when he's coming back....  "I _HATE_ YOU!!!"

 

He's actually not gone very long this time.  I jump when the stupid noisy portal thing opens again, and he walks back up to me and - offers me a cup with a picture of Barney the Dinosaur on it.

 

_What????_

 

"Saïx...why are you giving me a Barney cup."

 

"Drink it," he orders, looking and sounding like he'll kill me if I don't.

 

"What--"  It's water.  He brought me a cup of water.  In a Barney the Dinosaur cup.  "Saïx...where did you get this?"

 

He summons his weapon again, and I quickly back up and slurp down the water as fast as I can.  My heart's pounding in my chest because he must have just waltzed straight into someone's house, someone with kids, maybe the kid was actually sitting at the table drinking out of this cup when Saïx snatched it away, "Saïx please tell me you didn't hurt anyone to get this.  You didn't hurt anyone, did you?  Did you hurt anyone?"  Please oh please oh please oh--

 

"No."

 

"...So you just broke into someone house and stole this, but you didn't hurt them?  Right?"

 

" _You_ were the one who requested a different drinking vessel."

 

"Saïx, I am _begging_ you, let me go, _please_ , I need to get out of here, please let me go _please_ let me go...!"

 

He raises his hand and it feels like something hits me, and I'm freaked out because I couldn't see it and I don't know what it was and it didn't really hurt but it was creepy, and then I start yelling at the top of my lungs but it doesn't do any good because no matter how loud I try to be, I _can't hear it_.  My voice.  He took away my voice.  I can't make a sound I HATE you I hate you I hate you okay so _what_ if this isn't as bad as crushing my arm I DON'T CARE YOU TOOK AWAY MY VOICE I can't even _hear_ myself anymore...!

 

He's gone again, and I'm curled up against the wall, trying not to go insane, when my voice finally comes back.  I scream obscenities just to prove I can, then take out my phone again and turn it on and hit Saïx's number.  _My_ Saïx, the good one, the human one, the one who'd never hurt me like this, I know he won't answer because he's gone but please Saïx answer anyway....

 

Xem answers.  Saïx left his phone on the bedside table before he disappeared wherever he disappeared to and _left_ me in the evil clutches of his evil twin.

 

Xem sounds too much like evil-Saïx, all robotic and not caring about me nearly enough, I can't stand listening to him a second longer.  "I _will_ call when I have more info and I _won't_ waste the battery anymore but I HAVE TO TALK TO HIM FIRST.  Let me talk to him."

 

_"Axel--"_

 

"LET ME TALK TO HIM, THIS ISN'T EVEN YOUR PHONE IT'S SAIX'S PHONE AND SAIX THE REAL SAIX WOULD LET ME TALK TO HIM.  LET ME TALK TO HIM."

 

The sound of my little brother's voice is such a sweet, aching relief that I nearly burst into tears and I can't even answer him for a while.

 

_"Axel?  Axeeeel?  Helloooooo, I'm talking to yoooouuuu...."_

 

Like it's just a game or something.  I love him so freaking much.  I miss him so freaking much.  "R-Roxas."

 

_"Are you coming home?"_

 

"N-Not yet, buddy...Roxas, I really miss you."

 

_"I miss you, too."_

 

"They haven't found the real Saïx yet, have they?"

 

_"Nope.  Me and Xion are making a map.  We're helping."_

 

I love him so freaking much.  "That's great.  Find him for me, okay?  I really miss him, too.  I really miss him.  I miss you all.  I really want to come home."

 

_"Hurry up.  It's boring without you.  And the grown-ups are being weird."_

 

"Roxas...."  I want him to keep talking, about anything, I don't care, I just want to keep listening to his voice, but my phone is dying.  "Roxas, I love you so much.  I love you _so much_."

 

_"Love you too, Axel."_

 

"Is Xion there?"

 

_"She wants to talk to you."_

_"Axel!"_

 

"Hey, princess.  I love you, too.  I miss you so much."

 

_"Are you okay, Axel?"_

 

"...No...no, I'm not...I really wanna come home, Xion."

 

_"Everyone's looking for you."_

 

"Tell them thanks.  I hope they find me."

 

_"I hope they find you, too.  And Saïx."_

 

"Yeah...."

 

Silence.  My phone's dead.  For a minute, I want to throw it, but then I just put it back in my pocket and hide my face against my arms and try hard to stop crying before the monster who's not my brother comes back.

 

_To be continued...._

 

Author's Notes:  I just re-read chapter 2, uuuuggghhh so bad.... DX  Also re-read "Eating ice cream" for the 30 Day OTP challenge.  I'd thought I ought to be a good enough writer by now that even my bad fics aren't too terrible, but I WAS WRONG. *headDESK*  Someday, I want to write a story that I can actually re-read and feel proud of. -.-

 

Btw, for those of you who don't read my journals and stuff:  this school year, I'm going to try not to answer messages except on Friday afternoons/evenings (though I'll still be logged in and posting and stuff).  I just can't keep up with both my real life and my social life, and I can't let my real life get so neglected that it becomes a mess like it was last year.  (Feel free to message me whenever you want, I love hearing from people! ^^ It's just that replies will probably be a long time in coming.)

 

Also, I'm doing NaNoWriMo in October (not November, since I need November for something else).  Thus, I might kinda disappear in October, because I have to write about 1,600 words per day, and that is _a lot_ when you're having to do it for thirty days in a row and are working and dealing with real life at the same time ._.  If all goes well, though, I'll have a multi-chapter sci-fi(ish) RokuKai/SoNami AU to share with you all afterwards~


	36. ~Rejection [AU version] {Saix}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Rejection [AU version] (rough draft)**

 

Summary:  It's kind of too late, Axel....

 

A/N:  Saïx's POV.

 

o.o.o

 

"No, no, I promise," Axel said as we approached the driveway.  "We _are_ going to the beach the second Sai and I pick you guys up on the last day of finals.  Even if I have to go to school in swim trunks and flip-flops."

 

The children laughed.  "Are you really gonna go to school in a swimsuit, Axel?"

 

"Of course he's not," I said firmly as I unlocked the mailbox.  "Under no circumstances would it be allowed."

 

"Awwww...."

 

"Man, Sai, now you make me wanna try it for real."

 

I ignored him in favor of sorting through the mail.  "Axel, you got something from--"  I stared.  "Radiant Garden?"  It was a prestigious school, which was why Father expected me to go there.  It was odd to even consider the possibility that Axel could have a connection with it, too, but I supposed they were sending invitations to all of Father's teenage children on general principle.

 

"Ah!  Give it!"  Axel snatched the envelope out of my hand and ripped it open, surprising me again.  When had he developed such an interest in college mail?

 

He stared at the letter.  Then his face took on a stiff look, and he stuffed the message into his bag.

 

"What is it?" I asked.

 

"Nothing, just junk mail."

 

He would not have that expression if all he had seen was junk mail.

 

"Axel, pleeeaaase," Roxas asked hopelessly, knowing already what the answer would be, "please please please please PLEASE play with us?"

 

"Maybe...maybe later tonight, kiddo; I've got homework to do...."

 

A few weeks ago, a response like that would have had us fearing for his mental health.  However, we had now become used to our brother's sudden uncharacteristic diligence in doing schoolwork.  Still, I was pretty certain that something was wrong this time....

 

Axel went straight to his room as soon as we entered the house.  I got the children settled with a snack, warned them that they were only allowed one thirty-minute television show before they would have to begin their homework, then went to see if Axel had had sufficient time alone and would now require companionship.

 

I knocked on his bedroom door.  Upon receiving no answer, I opened it and found him lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling and listening to that stuff he calls music.

 

"I see that you have been quite productive," I said dryly.

 

"I hate school," he replied.  "I don't even _want_ to go to college."

 

"You know that is not an option."

 

"Shut up."

 

I paused, on the brink of leaving.  Then I sighed, shut the door behind me, and came to sit on the bed beside him.  I had come to learn that sometimes, people say hurtful things when they themselves are hurting.

 

I watched him for a while, thinking.  Then I finally said, "You applied to Radiant Garden, didn't you."

 

"Of course I didn't," he burst out, passionately this time.  "That's dumb.  Why would someone as stupid as me think he could get into a school where only rich geniuses like you belong?"

 

I only meant to put a hand on his shoulder to comfort him, and to try to catch his attention, but I found myself pressing down hard until he winced.  I was angry again, needing him to _listen_.  "You are not stupid," I said when he was finally looking at me.  "You are quite intelligent in your own way, as I have told you before.  But when you _choose_ to neglect your studies, and set low standards for yourself, and make academic success a low priority, it _obviously follows_ that you will not, in the space of a few weeks, suddenly catch up to someone who has had the exact opposite attitude for fourteen years."

 

He glared at me, saying nothing.  I noticed that his eyes were glistening a little more than they had been before.

 

I finally murmured, "Axel, would you really choose me over the children, if you could?  I find that difficult to believe."

 

"I just," he whispered, which did not quite hide the tears in his voice, "I just wanted the _option_ , you know?"

 

"It doesn't matter.  You would have chosen them, regardless, and you should.  They need you far more than I do."

 

"...Do you even need me at all?"

 

For some reason, it was hard to swallow, but I managed to say steadily, "I will miss you, Axel."

 

He drew in a deep breath.  "Stay here, then!  There are plenty of good schools around here, right?  Stay!"

 

"You know I can't do that, Axel."

 

He swore, then rolled over so that his face was hidden in the pillow, his arms clutched tightly around it.

 

"It's only four years...."  I felt hollow saying it, since it seemed like it might as well be half my life.

 

Axel shouted something into his pillow.

 

"Axel, I cannot understand what you're saying when your mouth is obstructed."

 

He rolled back over and yelled at me, "Four years!  And when you come back, you'll be a creepy robot again, right?  You're gonna lock yourself in your dorm for four years and study your brains out and never talk to anyone, then you'll graduate with mega-honors and FATHER will just be _so proud of you_ , his perfect doormat son who'll forget how to smile again and forget that he ever cared about us and forget how to say anything without sounding like a freaking dictionary and--"

 

I got up and walked toward the door.  There was no point in arguing with him when he got like this, and I did not want to say something I would regret.

 

He reached me before I'd even taken three steps, seizing the back of my shirt and twisting his fingers in the fabric to hold me immobile.  Then he hissed, _"How can I reach you_ when you're so far away and I'll almost never get to see you?"

 

I couldn't turn around, so I just said where I was, "I am not a 'robot.'  Robots have no feelings to hurt."

 

After a moment, he released my shirt and put his arms around my shoulders instead, a gesture that felt more comforting than confining.  "Promise you won't turn back into McDoomgaze again, okay?  No matter how long you're stuck there, you have to stay the Saïx who's our brother.  Got it?"

 

"I can't _stop_ being your brother, Axel," I said, my feelings turning to mild amusement.

 

He chuckled a little, also.  "Well, _technically_ , if Mom and Xem ever divorced, we'd only be, like...ex-stepbrothers, or something...."

 

"I thought it didn't matter who our parents are," I said, raising an eyebrow.

 

He laughed and clapped my shoulder as he moved past me.  "We have taught you well.  Come on, let's go play Knights of Equestria with the kids."

 

"Ugh.  Maybe I liked it better when you would come home and go straight to studying...."

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  AU because Axel probably wouldn't even try to get into Saïx's school - much as he knew he'd miss his bro, he definitely planned from the beginning to stay close to the kids.

 

In case you're wondering, the non-AU version of "Rejection" is really short and is in the drabble challenge (Wishing-Fire's) that I'm working on but haven't started posting yet.


	37. Day 02 - Cuddling somewhere {Saix}

30 Day OTP Challenge

Challenge by Ericandy, written/drawn by Raberba girl

Introduction:  So I found this cool challenge on devART for people's OTPs, and I couldn't resist, especially since it's 30 themes instead of 100. ^^  Since I've already taken on a different challenge for my OTP, I decided to do this one for my OT4, which is platonic AkuSaiRokuShi. :D  Most of these entries (the written ones, at least) will take place in the _Stepsiblings_ universe because that's what I automatically associate my OT4 with, but I'll try to do at least a few that have different settings.

**Stepsiblings: Day** **02 - Cuddling somewhere**

**(rough draft)**

 

Summary:  This Christmas Eve is not going to be spent in the closet.

 

A/N:  Saïx's POV.  Takes place a year after _Hoof Prints_. 

o.o.o

 

I hate them.  I hate _him_.  I hate him, hate him; he thinks he knows better but he DOESN'T and I hate that conceited smirk of his so much and those eyes always laughing at me and I'm not going to do it I _won't_ do it I'll go somewhere else I'll...just....

 

There's nowhere else to go, though.  I can't stand the thought of Axel's family, with all their questions, they won't understand, those laughing eyes of theirs will turn on me.  I could go stay somewhere on my own, but Father will find out, and he'll ask, and I _can't tell him_....

 

"You kids be good," Lea said, leaning down to kiss and cuddle the children.  "Don't wreck the house while we're gone, okay?"

 

"We'll be good," they chorused.

 

Lea frowned at Axel.  "We'd better not find any fire trucks parked outside when we get home."

 

"It's _fine_ , I promise!" he yelped, as Father gave him a dubious look.  "We'll have Sai with us, you know?"  He clapped me on the back.

 

"I suppose so," Father murmured.

 

I didn't say anything.

 

"You'll come back tomorrow for presents?" Roxas asked.

 

"We'll be back bright and early tomorrow morning, precious," Lea cooed.  As if she _could_ get up 'bright and early.'

 

"Do _not_ touch the gifts while we are gone," Father ordered.

 

"We won't~!"

 

And so on.  Until I was finally standing on the porch, arms wrapped around myself, watching the car's tail lights disappear into the cold night.  The hovering dread now seemed to fall upon me like snow.

 

"Sai!  C'mon, it's freezing out here!"

 

"No...."  I doubt he even heard me as he dragged me inside and slammed the door shut.

 

"Okay!"  Axel faced the younger two, hands on hips, face alight with an evil grin.  "We got the house _all to ourselves_ for Christmas Eve!"

 

"WHOOOOOOO!" Roxas and Xion yelled, leaping with excitement and pumping their fists in the air.  As if this was a _game_.  I hate them, too.

 

"First mission:  SANTA-PROOF THE FIREPLACE."

 

What?

 

"YEEEEAAAAHHHHH!"

 

It is extraordinary how much noise two children can make, when they are working on a project they're excited about.  I watched, not sure how to feel, as they dragged in all sorts of items, many of them of an alarming nature.  I finally spoke up when Roxas began to stack wood on the grate.

 

"Roxas...you're not going to start an actual fire."  It was meant as a question, but probably should have been more decisive than that.

 

"I know how," he said blithely, wadding up sheets of paper to shove underneath.

 

"I _know_ you know how."  His skills at starting and tending fires had vastly improved since I'd first known him.  Xion's had, too, which I suppose was a good thing even though I simultaneously wanted to throttle Axel for it.  "But Father is not going to approve of you starting one when he's not here."

 

"He didn't tell us not to."

 

"It's for you, Saïx," Xion piped up.  "When Santa smells the smoke, he won't come down the chimney and bother you, because he knows there'll be a fire, see?"

 

"Santa's not real," Roxas said, picking up the matches.

 

"I know.  But he still won't come down if there's a fire."

 

"Yeah."  Roxas struck the match.  "And if he does, he'll get his butt burned, heh."  He tried again, and the match head flared to life.

 

"This is a bad idea."

 

"Don't worry, Sai-Sai, we'll keep you safe."

 

"I don't _need_ your help."  I just needed to be left alone.

 

........Still.  I liked the idea of a fire roaring at the bottom of the chimney.  I wouldn't stop them.  I should, but I wouldn't.  I would just have to make sure to hide the evidence from Father before tomorrow morning.

 

"Oi, Sai!"  Axel leaned into the living room.  "Don't just stand around, come help."

 

"What are you doing?" I asked, going over to him.

 

"Cookies, man!"  The oven was on, and half a tube of store-bought cookie dough was sitting next to a half-full cookie sheet on the counter.  "You finish those, I'm gonna start some popcorn."

 

I looked at the round unbaked cookies with Christmas trees dyed on them.  "I don't like sweets."  In general.

 

"Well, the kids do, and news flash, Sai, you're not the only one who lives here.  Cut cookie dough."

 

I did so.

 

Although I was not overly fond of the taste of sweets, the scent was admittedly pleasant, and the kitchen soon filled with the aroma of cookies and popcorn as we worked.  Axel turned the radio on to a classical station, which had to have been solely for my sake, though it didn't occur to me to thank him for it until twenty minutes later when it would have sounded awkward to mention.  He chattered now and then about inanities I saw little point in responding to, and we could hear the children talking enthusiastically in the next room, as well.

 

"You doing okay, Sai?"

 

"Hmm?"

 

"You've been spacing out.  Guess I know why.  It'll be okay, you know?  That's why we're doing this."

 

"I just want to finish my book and go to bed.  It's _your_ fault I'm being dragged into this...this misplaced...whatever you think this is."

 

By the time we returned to the living room with cookies, popcorn, hot chocolate, and pie, I was a little startled to see the results of the children's handiwork.  The fire was now crackling enthusiastically and the fireplace screen set up, but they had not stopped there.  There was an assortment of kitchen knives dangling from strings tied to the stocking hooks, thumb tacks were spread all over the hearth, the screen was reinforced by walls of bricks salvaged from the rennovation leftovers, several nooses (made of sheets or tied-together socks) were hanging or lying on the floor nearby, and the poker and various other long, sharp objects had been set strategically around the fortifications, their points facing the chimney.

 

When we entered, Roxas and Xion ran to us, armed almost head to foot with high-powered water guns and foam dart blasters, with their toy lightsabers clipped to their belts.  As soon as we set down all the food, Roxas shoved two huge spiked Frisbees at Axel, and Xion gave me the baseball bat I'd received as an early Christmas present.  Roxas continued to keep hold of Axel's own bat.

 

"We did it, Axel," Roxas said proudly.  "No fatso's gonna get through _that_."  He pointed at the fireplace.

 

"Awesome job, guys," Axel praised.

 

"If you see anyone scary, you can hit them with the bat," Xion told me, pointing at it.  "And me and Roxas'll shoot 'em, and Axel can throw Frisbees at his head."

 

"I am not going to be hitting anybody with a baseball bat," I said, even though I could tell I was not going to be able to loosen my grip on it anytime soon.

 

"Good," Axel said, then added in a mutter, "since the only people around to hit are me and the kiddos, so...."

 

I went and tried to prop the bat in a corner.  Except I couldn't take my hand off it.  Could loosen my grip yes, but not pull my fingers completely out of contact with the weapon.

 

I stood there for a while, trying to force my own hand to obey me, until Axel finally took me by the shoulders and pulled me away, the tip of the bat trailing across the carpet as I dragged it along.  He shoved me onto the sofa, where Xion hastily climbed into my lap and Roxas plopped down at my side.

 

"Get off."

 

"You're comfy," Xion said.  "Here's a cookie, Saïx."

 

"I do not want a cookie."  She put it in my mouth anyway, and since Roxas's body was pinning my right arm and Xion's head was blocking access to my face, I wasn't able to take the cookie away until I'd already swallowed a bite of it.

 

"First up," Axel announced, flinging himself onto the couch next to me with the remote in one hand, " _Babes in Toyland_!  And Sai, I hope you appreciate this, since it was SUPER-HARD to find PG-rated Christmas movies not involving the S-word, ghosts, burglars, or black-and-white stuff the kids'd fall asleep during."

 

"Watch whatever you want, I just want to read a book in my...in my room...."  My closet was _in_ my room.  It wasn't a lie.  That part of it, anyway.

 

"You read too many books," Roxas said.  "Your brain's gonna turn to mush."

 

"Just because that's how reading makes _you_ feel doesn't mean I experience the same thing."

 

The only reason I could tolerate the movie was because I wasn't really watching it.  I hated how Axel had the volume up so _loud_ \- I couldn't hear anything other than the horrible movie, couldn't tell if there was anything moving outside or on the r...outside...couldn't...I couldn't hear.  If anyone was coming.  Someone could break in and sneak up on us and we _wouldn't know they were coming_ because the volume was too LOUD and I couldn't _hear_ \--

 

"You okay, Sai?"

 

"I'm fine," I snapped, turning back around.  The hall behind us was empty.  I realized belatedly that my knuckles ached a little because I was gripping the bat so hard.

 

"More cookies?" Xion asked in a worried tone, reaching for the last one on the plate.

 

"NO."  I shoved her off and scrambled to my feet and finally managed to get rid of the bat, though only by throwing it.  At the carpet, where there was nothing around to damage.  "I _don't_ like cookies and I don't like this movie and I _don't like what you're doing and I_ \--  ...I'm going to use the restroom."  It was the only excuse I could think of.

 

"But this is the best part," Xion insisted.

 

I marched past them, ignoring the commotion behind me, and paused for a moment at the threshold of the hallway so I could listen.  It was quieter here, especially with the movie paused.  A rustle of trees outside, a creaking sound from the study....

 

Just as I was about to head for the stairs and my room, I happened to glance back, and saw Axel.  He was standing between the kitchen and the living room, holding the empty popcorn bowl but just standing there, watching me.

 

"What?" I growled.

 

"...I'm making more popcorn, it'll be ready in five minutes.  You'll be back by then, right?"

 

"It's none of your business."

 

" _You'll be back by then, ri_ \--?"

 

I swerved into the downstairs bathroom and slammed the door shut.

 

I had fully intended to escape when they weren't paying attention, but when I opened the door again - THEY WERE ALL STANDING THERE.  WAITING FOR ME.  "What are you _doing_?"

 

"Time to finish the movie, Sai-Sai!"

 

Stairs, five steps away, but no, Axel suddenly in front of me get _out_ of my way shoving him except he's not thrown off balance his hands on my shoulders eyes not laughing now his face grim as he takes hold of me you are _not making me go back there_.

 

I can't see.  No, I can.  But everything's gold, a haze of gold like I'm looking through colored lenses but it's hard to _see_ , except it's started clearing up slowly and I realize that Axel's still there - he's had me pinned against the wall.  Both of us breathing hard as if after a struggle, and I got a sudden, uneasy feeling that time had passed and I wasn't aware of it.  "Axel...."

 

"Calm _down_ ," he growled, sounding out of breath.  "You're scaring them."

 

I glanced over and saw Roxas and Xion standing very still at the edge of the living room, hands clasped tightly together, watching us intently.

 

"...Let me...go."

 

His voice was low and tense.  " _Don't_ give up.  Don't run off and hide.  We're _here_ , it'll be _fine_ , but you have to--"  He took a deep breath.  "You have to trust us, Saïx."

 

Trust.  I suddenly realized how very little I really trusted them.  "Let me _go_."  I finally managed to shove him away from me.  I put my hand on the banister, stepped up, and up, away from them....

 

None of the second-floor lights were on.  I stood for a while, staring up at the dark I was headed into, feeling my skin crawl.  Then, out of the corner of my eye, I glanced back--

 

All three of them stood at the foot of the stairs now, gazing up at me, seeming to be surrounded by light.  Axel's face was closed, like he was watching a disaster unfold in a movie, remote, untouchable.  I didn't...like that.  Seeing that.  As if I'd passed beyond his reach.

 

"Saïx," Xion said softly.  "You don't have to eat any cookies if you don't want to."

 

I couldn't help a hollow laugh.  "As if that's even...."  My foot touched the step below, a little unexpectedly.

 

There was a long pause, and then Roxas smiled.  "On Christmas Eve, I get to be the big brother, okay?  It's your turn aaaaallll year, but Christmas Eve is my turn.  I'll do a good job, okay?"

 

Second step below.  Apparently I was descending again.  I didn't like that, going back on what I'd decided.  But I could...live with it.

 

Could more than live with it.  Axel's smile was small, more muted than usual; he didn't have that stranger's expression anymore.  He wasn't laughing at me.  "Decided not to be a loser after all, huh?"

 

"What I am 'losing' is the conclusion of my book, a proper night's sleep, and a fair amount of dignity by sitting through a children's movie made in the sixties, but I don't feel like quibbling over definitions at the moment...."

 

He laughed.  "Come help me move the sofa.  Roxas, more firewood!"

 

I helped Axel push the sofa against a wall that, with some adjusting, simultaneously gave us a fair view of the television, the fireplace, and the windows; and now there would be something solid at our backs.  Roxas built up the fire until it was roaring again, and Xion brought the snacks over and then cuddled next to me as soon as I sat down.  "We can do it, Sai-Sai.  Just a few more movies left to go, then it will be morning and we'll be safe."

 

"Of course we'll be safe...."  This was a phobia, not an actual threat.  Roxas happily curled up on my other side, Axel put an arm around us both, then he hit the play button and we resumed our 'mission' in the area of the house I least wanted to occupy tonight.  This time, I tried to focus on the movie rather than anything that might be happening outside, which was much easier when we finally switched to _The Nutcracker_.

 

"This movie's boring," Roxas complained soon after the battle with the Rat King had ended.

 

"Saïx likes it," Axel said.  "Of course it's boring."

 

"I like the music."  How could they not find this beautiful, or at least soothing?

 

"Xion," Roxas said, shooting her with a foam dart.  "You're It."

 

They both immediately leaped up and began to chase each other around the house with their toy weapons, and I admit that it was easier to stop imagining unseen terrors in the night when I kept getting distracted by a couple of laughing, shrieking young people.

 

o.o.o

 

They were terrible 'bodyguards.'  I found, however - with Roxas and Xion sleeping in a heap of blankets on the floor, and Axel dozing against my shoulder - that I did not mind too much....  Three o'clock in the morning, and the house was quiet again.  Just as quiet as I was used to on every other interminable Christmas Eve.  But the fire was still glowing, every light downstairs was blazing, and here were my siblings, catering to my whims despite how incredibly unreasonable and...and abnormal this was....

 

They had ensured that I didn't have to face this alone.  They had gone to quite a lot of effort to fight this with me.  For all their faults, they were loyal, and kind, and I should...appreciate them more, at any rate.  Even if I don't trust them.  They deserve _something_ , at least.

 

"Axel."

 

It was quiet.

 

" _Axel_."

 

"Mmm...."

 

"...Thank you."

 

"Hmm...?"

 

"...Never mind.  Go back to sleep."

 

"Mmm...sleep...fell asleep...."  He sat up slowly, yawning.  "Sorry, Sai.  Just resting my eyes."

 

"It's all right."

 

He dragged himself to his feet.  "Gonna go find some caffeine."

 

"You don't have to.  Just, stay with me."  I winced at how that sounded.

 

He looked at me in surprise, then smiled and sat back down next to me.  "Few more hours left, huh?"

 

"It's so ridiculous, I shouldn't need to be coddled like this...."

 

"Hey, no one can be a responsible grown-up _all_ the time, right?"

 

In the end, it was I who dozed off.  I blinked my eyes open to find that the clock hands had jumped, that the sky outside was not quite so black, that the first cautious notes of birdsong were starting up.  "I spent...Christmas Eve...in the living room...."

 

"Congrats, Sai.  Here, have a cookie."

 

Thank goodness for Lea's inability to rise bright and early, it gave us enough time to clean up.  Fire doused, ashes disposed of, sofa moved back, weaponry disassimilated and returned to their proper places....

 

"Moooomm!"

 

"Daddyyyy!"

 

Lea laughed, hugging her youngest son tightly and showering him with kisses.  "My darling, precious sweetheart!  Everything went okay?"

 

"I'm a good big brother, except I fell asleep but Axel didn't so it's okay."

 

"Huh?"

 

"No emergency vehicles, I see," Xem observed.

 

"We didn't burn the house down," Xion assured him.  "We watched _Babes in Toyland_ , but Sai-Sai liked _The Nutcracker_ better, and he's okay so can we open presents now?"

 

"Xion, we just walked through the door fifteen seconds ago."

 

As I stood watching, I was a little startled when Axel slung an arm around my shoulders.  "Merry Christmas, Sai."

 

"It is Christmas, isn't it...."

 

"Not so bad, huh?"

 

"...It helped," I said shortly.  "A _little_.  That's all I'll say."

 

"Heheh, someday, this'll be the Most Wonderful Time Of The Year for you, too."

 

"Let's not get carried away."

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  It's been _ages_ since I saw _Babes in Toyland_ , one of the only things I remember was some kind of food fight in a pie factory. XD  If I ever get the chance to watch it again and it turns out to be unsuitable, I'll hunt around some more for another Christmas movie that would both be age-appropriate for the kids and not freak out Sai.  There were a lot of Christmas movies on the list I looked at that I haven't seen at all, too.... I need to watch more stuff.

 

This was originally going to be the story to end the Christmas installment I meant to put in the dark series (which also includes a ton of Santaphobia, sorry :/), but...it was, like, the only time I could imagine all four of them cuddling together that would make a substantial story, not counting one of the _Fire & Moonlight_ stories I still need to post. *sweatdrop*  As long as I can end that angsty Christmas fic on a relatively high note, it should be okay.

 

Complete: 2/30


	38. Studied Sketches {Third person Namine & Zexion}

Studied Sketches

(rough draft)

A Kingdom Hearts fanfic by Raberba girl

 

_Dedicated to Mirae-no-sekai, who introduced me to ZekuNami. :)_

 

Summary:  They meet in a library; she doesn't pester him, he doesn't drive her away. But it'll become more than that. Platonic Zexion/Naminé.

 

A/N:  Partially inspired by Roald Dahl's _Matilda_.

 

o.o.o

 

When she woke up and went to the kitchen there was some cereal left in the box, so she ate that and then picked up her notebook and crayons again and went to the park.

 

It was a long way to walk, but she'd been walking this way for a few weeks now since summer vacation started, and she didn't get tired anymore.  She liked to draw where there was grass and trees and flowers.  There were flowers at home, but they were all dead.  The ones here were growing, and pretty.

 

She always sat under a tree, or sometimes on the steps of the Health & Science Library where there was shade.  Otherwise it got really hot.

 

She was drawing a princess when a grown-up stopped next to her.  Sometimes they did that - the ladies with lots of kids, or the policemen who always wanted to know where her parents were.  She looked up and she was about to say 'My parents will be back soon,' but then she didn't say anything after all.

 

The man smiled at her.  Most people looked nicer when they smiled, but not him.  "Hello, little girl."

 

"Hello," she said.  Then she wished she hadn't said anything.

 

"I was just talking to your mommy earlier."

 

No, he wasn't.  Mommy was shopping and stuff with her friends.

 

"She asked if I could take you home for her while she goes to run a couple of errands."

 

 _'I don't like him,'_ Naminé thought, surprised.  The only people she didn't like were the boys and girls at school who were mean, but now she realized that she didn't like this man, either.  She stood up.

 

"That's right, honey, come along with me."

 

He tried to take her hand.  But she was holding her crayons tight, and before he could grab her she stepped away, then turned and walked to the library door.

 

"Honey, I'm talking to you," he said, sounding a little mad like she was ignoring him.

 

Well, wait, she _was_ ignoring him.  You weren't supposed to be rude to grown-ups, so she wondered if she should say something.  "I'm going to find someone," she said as she tried to open the door.  It was heavy.

 

He almost grabbed her again, but then someone inside shoved the door open as they came out and Naminé went under his arm into the building.  The air conditioner was on, it was cold.

 

Clutching her notebook, she walked under the bar and past the big desk at the front, and she could hear the librarian growling at the man to be quiet.  While he was arguing with her, Naminé turned into the shelves.

 

 _'Who am I looking for?'_ she wondered.  Should she find somewhere to hide?  _'I want Daddy and Mommy.'_   They didn't like strangers, either.  The man would leave her alone if she was with them.

 

"Where is she?" she heard someone mutter on the other side of the shelf.  It was him.  He was looking for her.

 

Her chest hurt a little now, her heart was beating so fast.  She went the other way and into the next aisle.

 

There was another man there, running his finger across the books like he was looking for something.  His other hand was down right where she could reach it.  He wasn't her daddy, but he looked like _somebody's_ daddy.  She put her notebook under her arm and ran to grab the hand she could reach, because she didn't know what else to do.  Her daddy was far away, so the only daddies who could help her were other people's.

 

He looked down at her.  His hair was really long and covered one eye, but she could still see the other one, blue like hers.  He didn't smile, but he didn't frown or pull away, either.  They looked at each other.

 

Footsteps.  She clutched his hand harder before she looked over her shoulder.

 

It was him.  He was staring at her, walking toward them slowly.  She wanted to run so much, but if she ran he was bigger and faster and he would catch her, and if she ran she would be all alone.  She was scared to stay here, but if she stayed here she would still be with the other daddy.  She didn't know if she could make her feet stay still for very long, though.

 

The other daddy turned the other way to look where she was looking.  He pulled his hand out of hers, and for a second she couldn't breathe but then she felt his hand on her head instead, pulling her close against him, and she felt safer.  "Is there a problem?" he asked calmly.

 

The bad man muttered something she couldn't hear and passed them and walked away.

 

The two of them didn't move for a minute.  Then he took his hand away and looked at her for a while without saying anything.  He still didn't smile.  She looked back at him.  Finally he went back to looking for the book he needed, and she waited until he pulled one off the shelf.

 

"Is that the right book?" she asked.

 

"We shall see," he said without looking at her.  Then he walked away, and she followed him.  When he sat down at a table covered with piles of books and papers, she sat in the chair next to him and put the notebook down on the table and started drawing again.  She didn't feel like finishing the princess anymore, though, so she drew a picture of a monster chasing a little girl instead.

 

It was cold.  Her dress was okay outside where it was hot, but here inside with the air conditioner, it was cold on her skin, and she started shivering.

 

Then it was warm.  She looked up in surprise.  He looked back at her for a while, then went back to putting sticky notes in the book he was reading.  His sweater was so big around her; she happily pulled up her legs to her chest and buttoned the sweater around them, then picked up her notebook and went back to drawing.

 

A long, long time later, when the sun was dark and hot through the windows and the lady said into the microphone that the library was closing, her other daddy finally closed all his books and his computer and took some of them up to the desk.  Naminé didn't want to be left behind.  She grabbed her notebook and crayons again and hurried to catch up to him.

 

When he was taking the library card out he dropped his wallet, so she bent down to pick it up for him.  It was open, and she saw the two cards on top.  One was a picture of him in a little box, with his name next to it.  The second name was really long and she couldn't read it, but the first one was spelled Z e x i o n.  She didn't know how to say it, but she could read it.  Mr. Zexion.  He didn't look like a Zexion, but maybe she didn't look like a Naminé, either.

 

The other card wasn't really a card, it was a picture.  Mr. Zexion and a woman and a pretty girl with silvery hair down to her shoulders.  They were all smiling.  Naminé thought that Mr. Zexion looked a lot better with a smile, so he wasn't like the bad man at all.

 

When she looked up, she was surprised to see a hand held out to her.  Mr. Zexion was looking at her, waiting.  Oh - he wanted his wallet back, of course.  She put it in his hand.

 

"Thank you," he said.

 

"You're welcome," she said.

 

She followed him out of the library until they got to where Cloak Street crossed Remembrance Lane.  He kept going on Cloak.  She watched him walk away, but to go home she had to turn onto Remembrance, so finally she sighed sadly and kept going home.

 

Mommy and Daddy were eating dinner and watching TV.  "Hi," Naminé said when she came in.  They didn't say anything or look at her, so she went to the kitchen to see if there was anything left over to eat.  There wasn't, so she took a Pop-Tart to her room and ate it while she looked at her book with the animal pictures, and then she fell asleep.

 

The next morning was the same as most of all the other mornings, except this time there were only a few pieces of cereal left.  She ate them, but she was still hungry, so finally she found some peanut butter and ate some of that with a spoon.  Then she got her notebook and crayons and went to the park.

 

The bad man was there, walking around slowly like he was looking for something.  He was looking at some of the other children, but they were all with their mommies and daddies, and then Naminé realized that she was the only little girl who was all alone.

 

He looked up and saw her.  She turned and went to the library again.  "Hey, honey--"  Then she couldn't hear him anymore because she was inside and the air conditioner was humming.

 

She saw her other daddy right away this time.  He was at the same table, with even more books than before, though right now he was typing on his computer.  She went up to sit in the chair next to him again.

 

He looked at her.  "Hello," she said.

 

"Hello," he said.

 

She put her notebook on the table and started to draw a picture of a man looking for something in a garden.  It was cold like yesterday, so she took her sandals off and pulled her legs under her so she could sit on them and they'd be a little warmer.

 

"Perhaps you should wear a more suitable outfit if you know you're going to be in an air conditioned place for long periods of time."

 

It took her a minute to realize that Mr. Zexion had been talking to her.  She looked up at him in surprise.  "Oh."  She thought a minute.  She was wearing the same white dress she'd worn yesterday.  All her other clothes had started to smell kind of bad so that she didn't like wearing them, but for some reason she didn't want to tell him that.  Maybe when she took a bath again, she should bring them in the bath with her so they could get clean and not smell anymore.  "I don't have any other clothes."

 

He looked at her some more.  "Very well," he finally said, and her chest stopped feeling tight.  He put his sweater on her again.

 

"Thank you," she told him.

 

"You're welcome."

 

They worked all morning.  He read his books or put sticky notes in them or copied shapes onto a notepad or typed on his computer, and she filled page after page with drawings.  Sometimes he would get up to look for more books, and she would quickly get up to follow him.  After a while he started handing her one or two books to carry when he pulled a whole lot of them off the shelves, and she liked that she could help him.

 

She was in the middle of a picture about a boy reading a book about horses in a desert when she realized Mr. Zexion was staring at her.  She looked up.  Her stomach growled again.

 

"When are you going to eat?" he asked.  His voice was quiet like it always was, but it surprised her a little because they hadn't said anything to each other all morning.

 

"I don't eat lunch in summer," she explained.

 

Just when she stopped waiting and was about to draw again, he asked, "Where are your parents?"

 

"Daddy's at work and Mommy is with her friends."

 

He turned in his chair to face her, and he didn't look happy.  She wondered if she had done something bad.  "Who looks after you?"

 

"Nobody.  Just me."

 

He looked at her for a long time, and she couldn't look at his eyes so she looked at the floor instead and waited to be in trouble.

 

"...Come."

 

She didn't want to go, because it was bad when they took her away from the windows to punish her, but she didn't know what else to do.  She held her notebook tight to her chest and waited as he put all the books on a Reserved cart and put his computer into the case.  Then she followed him - she thought he was going to take her back somewhere, but he went for the front doors instead.

 

The sun was so warm after the air-conditioning.  She felt a little happier as she tried to keep up, especially when she looked around for the bad man but couldn't see him anywhere in the park.  Mr. Zexion went up to one of the food carts and looked at her again.  "Do you like hot dogs?"

 

"I think so."  She'd only had one once before, and it was a long time ago.  It was food, and she would never not like food.

 

When he talked again, it was to the food cart man.  "One hot dog, please.  Put whatever she wants on it."

 

"Well, I can fix you right up," the food cart man said.  "What would you like, sweetie?  Mustard, ketchup, pickles?"

 

She stared.  "I don't know."

 

Mr. Zexion was watching her.  "Mustard is the yellow kind, it's slightly bitter.  Ketchup is red, and more tart.  There also appears to be cheese, which is yellow as well but not the same as mustard; I presume you know what cheese is?"  He added very quietly to himself, "Not that I would venture to label the contents of that bottle as any sort of dairy product whatsoever...."

 

"May I please have some cheese?" she asked shyly.

 

"Sure thing, sweetheart!"

 

He didn't give her a piece of cheese, though.  She stared at the hot dog he was holding out to her.  "That's not mine.  That's Mr. Zexion's."  She still didn't really know how to pronounce his name, but she did her best.

 

"It's yours.  I'm buying it for you."

 

"For me?"  She was very surprised.

 

"No offense to this kind gentleman here, but I do not consider such a thing to be 'food' and would only consume it as an alternative to starvation."

 

"None taken," the food cart man mumbled.

 

She stared at them both some more before she finally put her notebook under her arm and took the hot dog in both hands.  Then she stared at it again.  "This is really for me?"  She hadn't seen this much food for herself since the lunch tray she had on the last day of school.

 

"Let's go sit down so you can eat it."

 

There was a bench under a tree.  Mr. Zexion sat way on one end of it, and she put her notebook down and climbed up carefully to sit close to him, still holding her food.  He looked at her for a second, then looked away again.  As she ate, he watched the children playing in the park, and she watched, too.  She liked sitting with him.

 

When she was almost finished, she suddenly realized something.  "Where's your lunch?" she asked.

 

"I have a small appetite."  So that meant...?  "I'm not often hungry."

 

"Oh."  She couldn't imagine not being hungry.  He gave her a napkin, and she wiped her hands.  "Maybe you should eat even when you're not hungry."  He was a lot littler than Daddy.  Maybe he didn't grow bigger because he didn't eat much.

 

"You're probably right...."  He sighed like he wasn't happy.

 

"You don't have to eat if you don't want to," she said quickly.

 

"No.  I should."  He sighed again, then got up.  She quickly got up, too, and followed him when he went to look at all the food carts.  She knew he didn't like the food carts, but he finally bought a sandwich from one.  "Would you like a sandwich, too?"

 

"I already ate," she said in surprise.

 

"Are you still hungry?"

 

"...Yes," she said.

 

"Pick whatever you like."

 

For some reason, though, she could only eat a few bites before she felt full, so she wrapped the rest in a napkin to save for later when she was hungry again.  Then she picked up her notebook, but she leaned her head against his arm as he ate, and she liked sitting next to him so much that she didn't really feel like drawing, either.  She wished very much that he could be her real daddy, not just her other one.

 

"What is your name?" he asked suddenly.

 

Oh.  She realized she had never told him.  "I'm Naminé."  Then, because it was polite, even though she'd met him yesterday, "It's nice to meet you."

 

He smiled just a little.  "Likewise."

 

"I know your name already.  It's Mr. Zexion."

 

He taught her how to pronounce it right, which made her happy.  She sat up straight again and looked for the page in her notebook she wanted to show him.  "This is your family."

 

After a while he said, "Yes.  It is."

 

"I like the girl.  She looked nice in your picture."

 

"Girl?"

 

Naminé pointed to the silver-haired person.

 

"...Lee is my son.  Not my daughter."

 

"Oh."  Oh well.  "He's very pretty."

 

Mr. Zexion laughed a little.  "I wonder what he would make of that."

 

When they went back to the library, Mr. Zexion took all the books off the cart again and put them back on the table.  She meant to draw some more, but now that they had talked a lot, she didn't want to just sit and not talk for so long.  "What are you looking for in all the books?"

 

He looked at her for a minute.  "Well.  My colleagues and I are studying a certain disease."  He told her the name of it, but there was no way she would ever be able to pronounce it or spell it.  He also explained a little bit about what happened to people who were sick with it.

 

"You mean like the cells _eat_ each other?" she said, her eyes wide.

 

"I suppose that's one way of putting it."

 

"Does it hurt when the sick cells eat the other ones?"

 

"...Not at first."

 

"Oh...."

 

"The disease is rare, and it mostly afflicts young children.  We are searching for a way to treat it effectively, because right now almost no one survives it, and those who do are permanently disabled."

 

"That sounds bad."

 

"Yes," he said softly.  "It is."

 

"Can I help?"

 

She was glad when he smiled again.  "Do you know what you can do for us, Naminé?"

 

"What?" she asked eagerly.

 

"I know many children in hospitals all over the country who are suffering from this disease.  I'm sure they would like very much to receive pictures from you that you have drawn just for them.  They always like to have something new to look at, and to know that people are thinking of them and care about them."

 

"What should I draw?"

 

He made a list for her, names of children he knew and the things they liked best.  She carefully put the list on the table above her notebook and got to work.

 

When the library closed and they were walking home together, Naminé asked if he was going to be in the same place tomorrow, too.

 

"Yes, but then that will be the end for a while.  I have been gathering much information that I need to take back to my colleagues so we can begin a new round of experimentation, and that is something we will be doing in a laboratory far away from here."

 

"...Oh."  She took his hand.  "I'll miss you," she whispered.

 

He squeezed her hand back and said, "I will miss you also, Naminé."  It was hard to leave him, but this time he was the one who stood at the crossing and watched as she walked away.

 

Mommy and Daddy were yelling so loud at the game show on TV when she got home that they didn't even hear her say hi.  There was a slice of pizza left in one of the boxes....  Naminé went and got it, watching them to make sure they weren't paying attention to her.  Then she ate it quickly as she went down the hall to the bathroom.

 

This time she brought all her dirty clothes into the bath with her.  She tried to wash them with the soap after she had washed herself, but they were all still really wet when she had finished.  She draped them over the sides of the tub to dry, and then realized that she didn't have anything to wear.  So she wrapped herself in a towel and lay down on her bed to wait for the clothes to dry, but then fell asleep.

 

She woke up because Mommy was shaking her and yelling at her, and she was confused because it was really dark outside.  "Mommy?"

 

"What do you think you're doing, leaving your junk all over the bathroom?" Mommy yelled.  "Get in there and clean it up!"

 

"I was trying to wash my clothes--"  She stopped talking when Mommy slapped her.

 

"What do you think the washing machine is for, stupid?"

 

"I don't know how to use the washing machine...."

 

"Quit mouthing off," Mommy growled.  "Get up _now_ and get all your clothes out of the tub!"

 

It was hard trying to carry all of them.  Mommy shoved them in the washing machine and threw soap in there and slammed the lid shut.  "This is how you wash clothes, _stupid_ ," she said, moving the knobs and buttons at the top.  "Stay in here and take care of your own laundry, I've _told_ you a million times to clean up after yourself and keep out of the way!"

 

"Yes, Mommy."

 

Mommy wouldn't let her come back into the rest of the house, so Naminé waited in the laundry room until the washing machine stopped making noise.  Then she had to climb up on it to get all her clothes out of it, but when she put them into the dryer and closed the door, she couldn't get it to start.  She twisted knobs and pushed buttons until it _finally_ started making noise, and then she tried to wait but she was really tired.

 

When she woke up on the laundry room floor, the house was very quiet and there was sunshine coming through the kitchen windows.  She opened the dryer door and her clothes were dry, so she put some of them on.  "Mommy?  Can I come out now?"  There was no answer.  She was afraid to go out and look, but she couldn't stay in here forever because it was the last day he was going to be at the library and she _had_ to get out of here and go see him and finish the cards for the rest of the boys and girls on her list before it was too late.  If Mommy was home and caught her she would just have to get in trouble, because she had to go out and look.

 

There weren't any cars in the driveway, so Mommy and Daddy were gone like usual.  Relieved, Naminé ran to put her clothes back in her room and then found the sandwich she had hidden and ate that for breakfast.  Then she took her notebook and crayons and went as fast as she could to the library.

 

She saw Mr. Zexion right away, but something was wrong.  His computer and his books were all over the table like before, but he wasn't typing or reading, he was just sitting there with his face hidden in his arms like Naminé sometimes did at school when someone had been mean to her.

 

She ran to him.  "Mr. Zexion?  Why are you crying?"

 

He sat up slowly and wiped his eyes.  "I...I wasn't crying."

 

Boys always lied about that kind of thing, so she pretended to believe him.  "But you're sad?"

 

He didn't say anything.  She climbed up into his lap to reach him so she could hug him, and he hugged her back really tight.  "All this research," he whispered.  "All these experiments, useless...it's far too late for Lee...."

 

"What's wrong with Lee?"

 

He stroked her hair.  "My son Lee was one of the children who died from this disease," he said softly.

 

"He died?" she gasped.

 

"Yes...a year ago...it's been exactly one year.  I've been working so hard towards finding a cure, or even a treatment that will have any significant effect at all, _anything_ , but it'll never--  It's too late.  I will never see my son again."

 

She felt cold.  "Is...Is it too late for all the other sick boys and girls, too?"

 

He looked at her.  "...No."  He closed his eyes.  "They still live, at least."

 

"Oh."  She was sad about Lee, but at least she hadn't lost all the others like she thought.  "Well, it's not useless then, is it?"

 

He opened his eyes again and watched her for a while.  "How old are you, Naminé?" he asked quietly.

 

She had to think about this.  "What's today?"

 

He told her the date.

 

"Then today I'm seven," she realized.

 

He looked a little confused.  "How old were you yesterday?"

 

"Six."

 

"...And your parents left you all alone on your birthday?"

 

"Are they supposed to stay?" she asked in surprise.

 

He closed his eyes again and held her close.  She thought he might be crying again too, but she wasn't sure.  Finally he said, "Come," and she didn't think she was in trouble this time.  She hadn't been in trouble last time either, actually.  She was happy to hold his hand and follow him wherever he went.

 

"I never had a daughter," he said as they walked, "and for several months now, I have no longer had a wife to consult, so I apologize ahead of time if I'm not very good at this."

 

"But you're good at everything."

 

"You only think that because of your perspective."  He bought her some ice cream, and some for himself too when she asked what his favorite flavor was, then they ate it as they walked along past the shops.  "What would you like for a birthday gift?"

 

"You mean like when the boys and girls at school get presents for their birthdays?"

 

"Yes.  Except that this is _your_ birthday, so you are to choose something you would like for yourself."

 

"May I...may I please have some new crayons?" she asked.  They got short so fast, and it was so hard to get more.

 

"Of course.  You may also pick a new notebook, if you like."

 

"Really?!"

 

They were in the store for a long time, because there were _so many_ beautiful notebooks that weren't anything like hers with its plain paper cover.  She finally chose one covered with soft white cloth, and stars on the front.  There were so many blank pages in it...and the box of crayons he let her have was _huge_ , different crayons just for each color....

 

The building they went to when she said she was hungry was so pretty, like a house with flowers all over.  The ladies there wore pretty dresses, and there was a pretty tablecloth on the little table, and when Mr. Zexion told them it was Naminé's birthday, they put a beautiful sparkling tiara on her head and told her she could keep it.  There was tea and little sugar cubes and sweet bread and fancy small sandwiches and little cakes, just like when Naminé played tea party with the nice girls at school, except this was a _real_ tea party.  She realized it was her very first real tea party.

 

"I get a real tea party for my birthday?" she gasped.

 

"Yes.  Do you...like it?"

 

"I like being with you," she said happily.  "May I please pour your tea?" she asked, because she loved pouring from the tea pot.

 

"You may."

 

She felt like she was in heaven when they finally walked back to the library, with the tiara on her head and the bag with her new and old notebooks and crayons in one hand and Mr. Zexion's hand in the other.  He sat back down with all his books and opened his computer, and she happily knelt up in the chair next to him so she could lean closer to the page and draw better.

 

"I made you a thank-you card," she told him when she finished.

 

He smiled a little when she set the card next to his book.  _"Thank you Mr. Zexion for the wonderful birthday,"_ he read out loud.  "Actually, the proper spelling is--"  He looked at her staring at him.  He smiled again, bigger.  "Never mind.  This is very well done, Naminé."

 

She smiled back, relieved.  "Open it.  I drew a picture inside."

 

He unfolded the card.

 

"This is you, and this is Lee, and this is Lee's mommy.  I know you can't be together in real life, but at least you can all be together in the picture now."

 

He looked at the picture of his family for a long time.  Then he asked her, "Naminé, may I please borrow a few of your crayons?"

 

She gave him the whole box and watched as he drew a girl with yellow hair next to the Zexion on the page.

 

"Who's that with your family?" she asked, wondering if it was who she thought it was.

 

"Her name is Naminé," he said.  "Is that all right?"

 

"Oh, _yes_."

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  And in my head, he adopts her just like Miss Honey does Matilda, and he and Vexen and Lexaeus find the cure, and everyone lives happily ever after.  (Shut up, I'm a Disney fan. *sweatdrop*)

 

For the longest time, I had trouble thinking of a proper name for Repliku, but when I was outlining this fic I _finally_ figured it out.  It's still kind of lame, but I figure 'Lee' is better than nothing.  (And ftr, all the characters without names are throwaway OCs.)

 

I'd never even _thought_ of ZekuNami as a pairing, but I was going through Mirae's profile and noticed she'd written some stuff about them, and the thought intrigued me.  While wondering if I could ever pull off something as odd as ZekuNami, the first plot bunny that came to me was of Naminé being an elementary school student with a crush on her teacher, Zexion.  Somehow it ended up morphing into this story, though.  I probably won't ever write the pairing as romance except for Mirae (and then only AU because I'm uncomfortable with it in canon), but I think Zexion  & Naminé can be really cute together platonically. ^^


	39. ~Daughters of the Heart {Xem}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Daughters of the Heart (rough draft)**

 

_DeviantArt 1,000 pageviews kiriban for Kasan (Kasan Soulblade)!_

 

Summary:  Xion makes a new friend at the park.

 

A/N:  Xem's POV.  (So is the Xem/Roxas Day fic for January 13th, btw, but neither of them are 'Xem's story.')  Xion is nine, Naminé is eight.  It's POSSIBLE that this isn't an AU, but I'm not sure yet, so I'm posting it here just to be safe; it's also a crossover with _Studied Sketches_ , lol. XD  Full backstory at the end.

 

o.o.o

 

A man with young children should schedule time to spend with them at regular intervals, no matter how busy he is or how much they insist on wasting said time.  I did my best, but it was difficult - even the smallest sacrifices tended to have unpleasant repercussions at work, and my wife's needs came before my children's.  Therefore, I missed more turns than I knew I should, and so did not think it fair to completely refuse when my daughter requested a day from me.

 

"Just you and me, aaaalllll day."

 

"I will promise you a few hours tomorrow afternoon, Xion."

 

"Oh.  Okay.  I love you, Daddy," she said as usual, but then added that she would not embrace me until I actually fulfilled my promise.

 

"Very well.  I will see you at dinner."  At least, I hoped so.  Fridays were usually when everyone fell behind the most, and not many of my co-workers stayed long enough to ensure that the week's work was completed.

 

"Bye, Daddy," she said, kissing my nose.  I stood up and patted her head, making sure she went to sit down with her class before I returned to my car.

 

The next day, I had trouble trying to determine how Xion wanted to spend her time with me.  "You'll have to specify which one, Xion.  We cannot do both."

 

"Oh, I don't care, as long as I get to be with you."

 

"...That is not an answer."

 

"I dunno.  The museum?"

 

"Very well."

 

"Yay!  I love you, Daddy!"

 

Yet she did not seem to be overly interested in most of the exhibits.  When I tried to read the explanations to her or add information from my own store of knowledge, her attention appeared to be given merely out of politeness, and she was easily distracted.  She seemed to take more pleasure in taking hold of my hands to swing them in undignified ways, or ask me whether I liked the exhibits rather than what they were about.

 

"Xion, are you truly interested in this?"

 

"Ooooh, that lady's naked!  Daddy, what happened to her arms?"

 

"It's artistic nudity, and the statue is very old, Xion.  It has endured much trauma and was not well cared for before it was brought here."

 

"Aren't they ever gonna glue her arms back on?"

 

"Xion...."

 

I eventually gave up and decided to leave early, in hopes of finding another occupation to suit her better.  She has always been exceedingly fond of ice cream, so I bought her some in hopes she would enjoy it more, which she did.

 

"Daddy, what's your favorite ice cream flavor?"

 

"I have told you many times, Xion, I do not have one."

 

" _Everybody_ has a favorite ice cream flavor.  Me and Roxas and Axel all like sea-salt, and I know Saïx does, too."

 

"Sea-salt ice cream is admittedly not unpleasant," I acknowledged, gesturing with my own bar of it, "but I am not generally fond of sweets and so cannot have a 'favorite.'  A least disliked, perhaps."

 

"Fine, what's your least disliked?" she asked in an indulgent sort of way.

 

"...Sea-salt, I suppose," I finally replied, since I could not think of anything else to say.

 

We passed a park, which was crowded with children and their parents.  Not unusual for a weekend afternoon.  Noticing the way Xion was watching them, I asked, "Would you like to go play in the park for a while?"

 

"Oh, yes, Daddy!  We can really go?"

 

"I would not have asked your preference if I was not going to allow you to go."

 

I surveyed the area as we approached, noting that there were no empty benches - all of them were filled, mostly with gossiping women.  I did notice one bench occupied by a male, a short man with long dark hair styled over his face.  He appeared to be reading and annotating a packet of papers, as a girl who looked to be about Xion's age leaned against him, drawing on a sketchpad.

 

Before I could stop her, my daughter ran to accost them.  "Are you in time-out?" she asked the girl, who gave her a startled look.

 

"Xion," I warned sharply.

 

"What?" the girl said in confusion.

 

"Naminé is not in trouble," the man said quietly.

 

"Oh.  Why aren't you playing, then?"

 

"Umm...I'm drawing."

 

"Can I see?"

 

"Xion, you should not be pestering strangers," I said, but the girl, 'Naminé' apparently, was already shifting her sketchpad so that Xion could look at it.

 

"Oh!  That's you, right?"

 

"Yes, this is me playing with my brother," Naminé explained.  "Because we can't play together in real life...."

 

"Why not?"

 

The girl glanced questioningly at her father.

 

"Xion," I said, "come _here_ and leave them alone."

 

She began to shuffle back to me, but then the man said quietly, "She's causing no harm.  We don't mind if she stays."

 

"See, Daddy?" Xion said triumphantly, making me sigh.  "What's your brother's name?"

 

"Lee.  Daddy, may I please show her the picture?"

 

"...All right."

 

He seemed reluctant, so I said, "Xion is perfectly capable of minding her own business."

 

"No...it's all right, really."  Then, to Xion, "This is Lee, with his mother and I."

 

"Where's Naminé?"

 

"They took the picture before I found Daddy," Naminé explained cryptically.  "Isn't Lee pretty?"

 

"Yes," Xion giggled.  "My brothers are pretty, too.  You wanna come play, Naminé?"

 

"Umm...."

 

Her father set a hand on her head.  "Naminé, do whatever you like.  We're here for your enjoyment, after all."

 

"Will you be okay, Daddy?"

 

He smiled a little.  "I think I can manage."

 

She kissed him, then got to her feet and hesitantly edged closer to Xion, who asked, "You're not gonna bring your notebook, are you?"

 

Naminé looked down at her sketchpad, clutching it harder and not saying anything.

 

"Naminé," her father asked gently, "would you like to trust it to my keeping until you're ready to have it again?"

 

"...Okay, Daddy.  Don't drop it or let anyone take it away or tear it, okay?"

 

It was he who kissed her this time, touching his lips to her forehead in a reassuring manner.  "It will be safe with me."

 

"Okay."

 

Once the item was out of her possession, she drew in a deep breath, then smiled in a slightly startled way when Xion took her hand.  "Come on, Naminé!"  They ran together toward the playground.

 

With nothing better to do, I took a seat on the far end of the bench and withdrew some files from my briefcase.  These I began to go over for a little while, until I realized that the man beside me was no longer occupying himself with his own work.  I glanced up to find him staring at me.  "Is there a problem?" I asked.

 

"I--  No....  No, there's not...a problem...."

 

Perhaps he judged me to be rude.  I held out a hand.  "My name is Xem."

 

"I'm Zexion."

 

I thought that shaking hands would be the end of it, but even after I returned to work, I had difficulty concentrating because of his continued intense attention.  Losing my patience, I turned to face him again and Spoke slightly.  "If there is a problem, please clarify at once so that I may do my best to remedy it."  _"I give you a warning to keep your distance."_

 

"Your eyes," he gasped.  I certainly did not expect him to suddenly scoot closer to me, raising a hand in wonder.  "They're _fascinating_."

 

"I beg your pardon?"  I realized that I was leaning away - there was no other option if I wanted to remain seated, since I was already sitting as close to the edge as I could.

 

"The color itself is of great interest, assuming they're not contacts...?"

 

"This is my natural eye color.  Please keep your distance from me."

 

"Forgive me, I didn't mean to cause you discomfort, but--  It's extraordinary, I could have sworn...."

 

 _"Stay away,"_ I Spoke, more forcefully this time.

 

"There it is again!  It's almost like you can communicate without speech."

 

"...I do not wish to discuss this matter."

 

"Your hair is an unusual color, as well...it doesn't look to be dyed or a wig."  There was a questioning tone at the end of his sentence.

 

"I have not artificially altered my appearance in any way, and frankly, I don't see how it's any of your business."

 

"Apologies...I have an interest in genetics....  Your daughter, Xion?"

 

"Yes."

 

"She's dark-haired and blue-eyed--"

 

"I adopted her when she was quite young," I said shortly.

 

"How very interesting.  Naminé is not mine by birth, as well; she came into my care less than a year ago."

 

That explained their own contrasting coloring, I suppose.  "Forgive me, but I do not share your interest in genetics.  I have work to do."  I gestured at the files.

 

"Yes, of course...."

 

Though he was no longer staring at me, I could sense his restlessness for a while.  Eventually however, his presence beside me seemed to grow still, and I was able to progress in peace at least temporarily.

 

"...Your little girl is so good-hearted," I heard him say softly.

 

I looked over to find him watching the children.  Naminé was standing uncertainly at the edge of one of the climbing platforms, with my daughter on the ground, holding up her arms and calling, "Jump, Naminé!  I'll catch you!"

 

"XION!" I shouted, both with words and the Speech.  She was going to get both of them injured with her foolishness.

 

She flinched, then said something I could not hear.  Naminé sat down in response and carefully slid to the ground, steadied by her new friend as soon as her feet touched the grass.  They exchanged some more words, then Xion took her hand again and they ran off together.

 

"She just came straight up to her to make friends," Zexion continued, sounding almost awed.  "I've been worried about Naminé...she doesn't have much opportunity to interact with people her own age, and I know she was bullied in school before I withdrew her."

 

"You teach her at home?"

 

"Yes.  Well - at work.  Sometimes we're not able to come home very often, but she's so unobtrusive and obedient, her presence no longer troubles any of my co-workers.  Still...a child her age needs friends among her peers, and Naminé doesn't make them easily.  I've been doing some research...I think this relative isolation of ours is not good for her social development."

 

"Hm...I know what you mean...."

 

"With Xion?"

 

"No - my son.  He is not very...skilled in making himself appealing to others."  It was incredible to me that his control of the Speech was still virtually non-existent.  Perhaps it was not fair to judge him in comparison to Van, who was something of a prodigy, but my brother and I had both learned to consciously shape the Speech long before we were Xion's age, and could Shield with complete effectiveness by the time we reached high school.

 

Saïx's reclusiveness was of small matter to me, since he seemed to enjoy it, and his sister and stepbrothers were more than disruptive enough to his tranquility.  However, his complete disinterest in courtship or even its baser aspects was more cause for concern....  Axel was at least always talking about one girl or another, though none of them ever stayed in his good graces for long; my brother, as a teenager, could make himself quite charming, and even Van occasionally showed a superficial interest in the other sex, despite never seeming to take his duty seriously.  I myself had disregarded my general distaste for the situation and done my best.  Kay had not been the sole possibility for my first wife.

 

Saïx, however...not only did he make no effort at all except in response to my direct commands, but his failure to use the Speech properly turned away almost anyone who merely met his eyes.  It occurred to me that if not for his own family, he might be living in an even more isolated state than this girl, Naminé.

 

"I can see why they found her an attractive target," I remarked after watching her for a while.

 

"What do you mean?" Zexion asked keenly.

 

The girls suddenly came hurtling toward us as fast as they could run, Xion in the lead.  She dragged herself to a stop by seizing me, calling gleefully over her shoulder, "Safe!"

 

Naminé soon came panting up.  "Safe?" she repeated in bewilderment.

 

"Daddy's safe.  You can't tag me when I'm touching him," Xion explained.

 

"Oh."  Naminé went over to take hold of her own father.  "Now I'm safe with my daddy, too."

 

Xion laughed and did not bother to correct her.  Zexion lifted a hand to stroke his daughter's hair.

 

"Daddy," Xion asked, "are you making friends with Naminé's daddy?"

 

"I wouldn't call it that."

 

"We've been discussing some things of interest to both of us," Zexion said.

 

Naminé met my eyes for the first time, and we studied each other for a while.  "You're pretty," she finally whispered, though not as if she was entirely pleased by this.

 

Ignoring the indignity of her observation, I reached out to draw her closer.  Her physical demeanor was starting to annoy me.  "Straighten up, don't hunch your shoulders like that."  I took hold of them to demonstrate.  "Raise your chin.  Keep your head up, you miss important things when you're only looking at the ground."

 

She was staring at me, wide-eyed.

 

"When you make yourself look too vulnerable, others think they can take advantage of it.  Xion, push her."

 

Her mouth came open in surprise.  "What?"

 

"Do as I say."

 

Xion uncertainly tapped her palms against the other girl's back.  I doubted that Naminé even felt it.  Impatiently, I set a hand against the girl's shoulder and applied enough force to send her stumbling to the side.  "Is it all right for others to subject you to such treatment?"

 

She stared at the ground silently, curled up more pathetically than ever.  It was like she was deliberately making herself a target.

 

"You're supposed to say no, Naminé," Xion whispered loudly.

 

I began to Speak.  _"Lift your head.  If you hide, they will always find you.  Turn and fight before you are destroyed."_   She lifted her eyes to meet mine, making it easier.  _"They've sketched a false image of you, but that is not yourself, you must cast it away.  Find your true strength, for you have great need of it.  It is_ there _."_

 

"No," she whispered, finally answering the question I had asked aloud.

 

" _Tell_ me," I commanded.

 

Slightly to my surprise, her eyes suddenly narrowed.  She planted her hands on my knees and shouted up at me, "No!  It's not okay!  Don't push me!"

 

The newborn fire in those blue eyes of hers made me smile.  "Not perfect, but it is admittedly a great improvement.  Well done."

 

"You did it, Naminé!" Xion praised, even though she surely could not have much idea what we were talking about.

 

Naminé gave us a small smile in return and retreated a single step to take her father's hand.  I realized that she had such little distance to cross because he was now looming very near to us, an almost threatening expression on his face.  "Daddy, I don't like it when the other boys and girls are mean to me," she murmured.

 

"We'll see what we can do about that," he said guardedly, searching my face.  I gazed back without resisting.  He finally turned away from me and smiled at his golden-haired child.  "There's something I want to read with you when we return home.  And I have an idea now of what I should probably look up next."

 

"Okay," she said readily.

 

I stood up and reached for my daughter's hand.  "Come, Xion.  It's time for us to leave."

 

"Oh, Daddy, just five more min--?"  She broke off upon seeing my expression.  She wavered for a moment, looking near tears, then suddenly whirled and threw her arms around Naminé, hugging her tightly.  "I'll miss you a lot, Naminé."

 

"I hope we can play again soon," Naminé said soothingly, unable to move but looking content within the crushing embrace.

 

Zexion pulled out a card and held it out to me.  "We only visit this city occasionally, but the next time we do stop by, may I...give you a call...?"

 

I wanted to refuse, but watching our two girls embracing as if they were sisters on the brink of an eternal separation, I knew that Xion would pester me to no end if I did not take steps now.  I sighed and handed over my own business card.  "Very well."  Then, when she showed no sign of bringing the overdone display of affection to a close, " _Come_ , Xion!"

 

I had to practically drag her away, she insisted on walking at an awkward angle in order to wave goodbye for as long as her new friend was in sight.  Naminé stood with her father and waved back.

 

"Daddy," Xion said on the way home, "I really like Naminé."

 

"Clearly."

 

"Can we play again soon?"

 

"Perhaps."

 

"Can we bring Roxas next time?  And Saïx and Axel?"

 

"Xion, I don't know.  This address is in an entirely different city, it's possible you may not see Naminé very often at all."

 

"...I'm gonna see her again."

 

"If you are motivated enough to pursue it, this desire of yours is not impossible to achieve."

 

"That meant yes, right?"

 

"Essentially, that is correct."

 

"Good."

 

*uhhh...R.girl, Lee & Lea. XD Though I think they're pronounced differently.

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  I think I'll change Naminé's terms of address for her parents in SS to "Papa" and "Mama" or something, so that she doesn't have two "Daddies."  (And in case you don't know, "Lee" is Repliku.)  And ftr, Zexion took Naminé out of school because he was disgusted by what he considered to be a trashy curriculum. XD

 

Xem is surprisingly easy for me to write...he's pretty much how Saïx would have ended up if Sai's siblings hadn't worked on him. ^^;;;  (Again, NOT CANON XEMNAS.  StepsibsXem is either an OC based on Xemnas or a very OOC Xemnas.)

 

Soooooooo, I suck at answering requests - unless, _apparently_ , you ask for something in the Stepsibsverse, which makes my muse leap up with joy and kick me in the head with ideas 'til I write them out to get her to shut up again so I can actually do what I was supposed to be doing. ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;;  I'm so freaking glad Kasan ended up having a DevArt account and could (accidentally?) claim the DA kiriban....

 

I originally had zero backstory for Naminé, and I was keeping Zexion in reserve until the right opportunity - he's too valuable a character to waste in a casual mention and then discover later that I actually needed him somewhere else.  Then Kasan asked for an SSZexion/StepsibsXem crossover, since they both adopted little girls, and whooooo, apparently my muse has decided that _Studied Sketches_ is Naminé's backstory in the Stepsibsverse now - except for the fact that I'd already had an idea for an SS sequel which won't fit with _Stepsiblings_.  (Ftr, this sequel was _also_ inspired by Kasan. XD  SS was supposed to be a standalone, dang it! *playfully shakes fist*)

 

SO, I am going to say that _Studied Sketches_ has a timeline that diverges into two alternate futures, one being _Stepsiblings_ and the other being the sequel that I might or might not ever get to write.  (More specifically, AkuRokuShi's role in it, since the ZekuNami still works.)  At the moment, SS itself fits just fine in the Stepsibsverse, so unless I do end up needing Zexion elsewhere, I'll assume that he and Naminé have the exact same backstory in Stepsibs that they did in SS.

 

Sorry if I confused the heck out of anyone....  Basically, reading _Studied Sketches_ will make Zexion's and Naminé's appearances in _Stepsiblings_ make more sense.


	40. ~The Princesses Meet the Swordsmen and Rescue an Interesting Book {Third person Xion & Namine}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**The Princesses Meet the Swordsmen and Rescue an Interesting Book (rough draft)**

 

_Dedicated to Kasan Soulblade_

 

Summary:  While Zexion is busy creeping out Xem, their daughters are bonding on the playground.

 

A/N:  Titles can be REALLY HARD for me to come up with sometimes. DX  Especially for overgrown drabbles like this that are a mishmash of randomness. orz

 

o.o.o

 

"Do you wanna play Princesses and Dragons?" Xion asked.

 

"What's that?" Naminé said guardedly.

 

"It's when someone's the dragon and someone's the princess, and the dragon chases her around until the prince rescues her, except usually it's just me and Roxas who play and he never wants to be the princess, so we wrestle to see who gets to be the prince and then when it's time to kill the dragon I have to switch.  Unless Axel plays.  Then he'll be the dragon and we can both kill him.  Sometimes we can get Saïx to play, too, but he won't be anything except the castle and he just sits there and reads a book and I hide behind him and shoot arrows at Roxas and Axel."

 

Naminé stared at her.  "What?"

 

"Or," Xion suddenly said, "we can play Princess and Princess!  You like being a princess, right?"

 

"Yes..." Naminé said wistfully.

 

"Then you can be like my sister, and we'll travel across the land singing the Song of Healing!"

 

"Um, okay."

 

"First, we need supplies.  Hold out your skirt."  Xion filled Naminé's skirt with pebbles until the younger girl could barely walk.

 

"They're heavy."

 

"Oh.  I'll carry some, too."  Xion stuffed her pockets, then surveyed her new friend critically.  "You don't have anywhere to put anything.  You can't hang onto your dress like that the whole time."

 

Naminé, in her light dress and sandals, looked down self-consciously.

 

"That's okay, you can share mine.  Come on, Naminé!  First we'll sing to make the orchards grow!"

 

"Um, but--"

 

"Just dump the food; we're sharing mine, remember?"

 

"This is food?"

 

They went to the nearest tree, where Xion sang, _"Flower, gleam and glow, let your power shine.  Save what has been lost, bring back what once was mine; what once was mine...."_

 

"Isn't that the Rapunzel song?" Naminé asked hesitantly.

 

"Yup!  We're gonna fix everything.  Come on, let's do the Desert of Skulls next!"  They hurried out onto a stretch of ground that had been beaten into packed dirt, where almost no grass grew.  "Your turn, Nami!  Sing!"

 

"Um....  _Flower, gleam and glow...."_

 

"Pretty~!  Keep going!"

 

When they were going over to sing to Troll Mountain, a little boy ran past and accidentally clipped Naminé, knocking her to the ground.  He kept going as if he hadn't even noticed.

 

"HEY!" Xion yelled.  She ran and pounced on him, plopping down on his back when he fell.

 

"Get off!" he yelled back.

 

"SAY SORRY WHEN YOU RUN INTO SOMEONE!"

 

"GET OFF ME!"

 

"Xion," Naminé said in distress, near tears.

 

Xion's eyes widened when she saw the scuffed state of her friend's knees.  Such was not out of the ordinary for herself, but Naminé's skin had been so pale and perfect before....  "SAY SORRY OR I'LL HURT YOU," Xion bellowed, digging her fingers into the boy's long auburn hair in preparation to yank on it.

 

"GET OFF ME OR I'LL HURT _YOU_ , YOU'RE TICKING ME OFF AND I--!"

 

"Kenji, we do not speak that way to others, particularly ladies."

 

A shadow fell across them, and Xion looked up to see a man standing over them, with a scar just like Saïx's on his face except it was over on his cheek instead of across his nose.  His hair was red and even longer than the little boy's, and he had nice blue eyes like Aunt Ella's.  Xion sheepishly let go of the boy's hair and said to his daddy, "I'm sorry for yelling.  He pushed my friend Naminé and didn't say he was sorry."

 

"Is that so."  A little hint of steel was suddenly in the man's voice.  Xion shivered a little and felt sorry for Kenji, because his daddy seemed to have his own kind of doomgaze.  She got up and held out a hand, but Kenji ignored it and stood up on his own.  "It seems you owe Naminé-dono an apology, Kenji."

 

"She was in the _way_ ," Kenji said sullenly.

 

"This one wonders if your mother will accept that as a reasonable excuse once we explain this incident to her...."

 

This time, it was Kenji who shivered.  "Sorry," he muttered.

 

"It's o--" Naminé started to whisper.

 

"Perhaps we should try that again," Kenji's daddy said in his doomgaze voice.

 

Kenji's head flew up.  "I'm sorry, okay?" he yelled at Naminé.  "I won't do it again!"

 

Naminé smiled uncertainly at him, then he looked surprised when Xion hugged him.  "See, that wasn't hard," Xion said warmly.

 

"You pushed me, too," he accused.

 

His mouth was open to rant further, but Xion was already saying, "Oops.  Yeah.  I'm really sorry for pushing you and yelling at you and almost pulling your hair, Kenji.  Let's be friends!"

 

He ran away.

 

Kenji's daddy sighed.  "Apologies, little one."

 

"It's okay.  Axel said he was bad when he was a kid, too, but now he's really nice."  She smiled.  "So are you.  My brother has an X like that.  He got it in a car accident."

 

Kenshin touched the scars on his face in mild surprise.  "Is that so?"

 

"Yup.  He's nice, too, kind of, and he has a doomgaze with his eyes, but not his voice like you do."

 

Kenshin studied her a moment, then smiled.  "It sounds like you love them very much."

 

"Yup."  Xion put an arm around Naminé.  "I love everyone.  Mostly.  I hate when people are mean."

 

"I, too, have a great distaste for those who would be cruel to others," Kenshin agreed, looking like he was seeing a memory.

 

"Uh huh.  Everyone should be nice to each other."

 

He smiled at her again.  "That would be best, that it would."

 

Xion looked at Naminé after Kenshin had left.  "Do your knees hurt?" she asked in concern.

 

"No.  Only a little."

 

"Come on, let's go wash them in the water fount--  I mean, in the Shining River."  Xion dragged Naminé over and splashed water against her legs until all the dust was gone and the scratches stood out starkly against the girl's pale skin.

 

Naminé was gazing off into the distance.

 

"Whatcha lookin' at, Naminé?"

 

"Our daddies...."

 

Xion looked, too, and giggled.  "I don't think your daddy is scared of mine, he's leaning really close."

 

"Daddy always looks like that when he sees a book in the library or the bookstore he really likes," Naminé said thoughtfully.

 

"Daddy looks kind of scared, maybe we should go help him...."

 

"Okay."

 

"Race you there!"

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  I'm not satisfied with how this turned out....  I liked the XemXi fics all right, and the XemRoku ones even though I was nervous about them, but this one and the Van one are making me squirm. *flail*  I've been posting too much Stepsibs stuff lately, I think some people might be getting sick of it...sorry, guys; the plot bunnies for this series just won't leave me alone. *sweatdrop*  And I'm sorry for all the unpleasant directions the plot's been heading in...I've had it all in my head for a long time, but it's only just now starting to be revealed in public; sorry if you don't like some of the recent revelations. :/  I know that everyone's busy, but I'd appreciate feedback eventually whenever you can leave it, since it's getting harder and harder for me to be objective about this series; I've only really got one or two people now who are doing anything to keep the rampant plunnies in check. *sweatdrop*  I'm afraid that this series is getting too repetitive and over-the-top and cheesy and blatant, sometimes I get mired in my own ideas and it's hard to gauge how other people are reacting to it.

 

When I first wrote "Daughters of the Heart," I had considered writing a section from the girls' POV, but then decided against it.  However, Kasan wanted to see that bit and suggested a few things, such as the "Daddy always looks like that when he sees a book he really likes" line, so I went ahead and wrote out the scene anyway. ^^  I meant to post it directly after "Daughters of the Heart," but it took me THIS LONG to finally get this thing typed so I could post it. DX  Sorry....

 

I originally drafted this back on the day I decided to stop writing _Rurouni Kenshin_ fanfiction.  Kenji got upset about me leaving his fandom, and I was surprised to find that Kenshin was sad, too, since I thought he didn't like me anymore after _The Lost Hatchling_.  So they showed up unexpectedly in this fic, sorry. ^^;  Kenshin has more in common with my OT4 than I thought. XD

 

 **The biggest reason why I wanted to post this right after "Daughters of the Heart" was because I wanted to clarify my stance on bullying, which I don't think is clear when judging solely by that story.  That fic most reflected my _personal_ experience with bullying,** where I keep finding myself watching in frustration as victims ignore my advice and sabotage themselves.  **However, that is NOT the only type of bullying out there, nor is it a type of bullying that's in the majority; and while it's more understandable, it is still NOT acceptable.  There are also people who get picked on for _absolutely no reason_ , for things that are absolutely not their fault, for things they can't help, and even for things that they should be proud of.  It is never, never, NEVER okay to hurt or harass or speak ill of someone just because you don't like them or hate them or are angry at them, or because they're different or not what you're used to or don't meet your expectations.  It is not funny, it does not make you look cool.  Gossiping about someone and making them look bad to others, name-calling and insults, sending derogatory messages, making racist/sexist/etc. comments, using physical violence, making their life harder or more unpleasant than it needs to be - how can _anyone_ in their right mind think that this behavior is a good thing?  You might think that they "deserve it" or that you're justified, but that is not true; retaliation only makes the problem worse.**   You'd have to be unbelievably self-centered to get that numb to another person's feelings.  As human beings, we need to be trying to make the world a _better_ place for everyone, not hurting others and spreading ugliness.  **People have died because of this.  Every bully whose actions drove someone to suicide may just as well be a murderer.  All the bystanders who witnessed these things happening and didn't speak up are not guiltless, either.  THINK before you speak, before you act - there is more at stake than you realize.**

 

I wish it had occurred to me to include this A/N in "Daughters of the Heart."  Bullying is such a huge problem and a sensitive topic, and that story only briefly addressed one small aspect of it.  I just wish, wish, wish, wish that people could be nice to each other and get along even when they disagree, I don't understand why there is so much hate. -.-  I see it happening every day in the schools where I work, and it drives me nuts, the bullies are often so unreasonable and wrapped up in themselves and they think _they're_ the ones who are being wronged, they refuse to acknowledge the pain they're causing someone else, and they don't realize that the hurt they cause is just circling around and hurting them in return.  Sooooo frustrating.


	41. Different Wings, Same Flight {Jasmine}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Different Wings, Same Flight (rough draft)**

 

Summary:  Saïx's summer houseguest has no problem sharing him with his siblings.

 

A/N:  Narrated by Jasmine.  Takes place during summer vacation after Saïx & Axel's first year of college (in other words, a year before _Fourth of July_ ; shortly before Saïx & Jasmine start dating).

 

o.o.o

 

I was used to waking up in Saïx's room now, the strange slant of the sunlight through the window no longer startling me.  His bookshelf, the calendar he'd forgotten to change since May when I'd claimed his room, the pony I liked to keep on his bedside table now that he'd given up hiding it from me....  Compared to my own room, decorated by professionals and kept spotless by the maids, with all my personal things stored out of sight, this place already seemed more like home to me.

 

"Good morning, Moonwolf."  She - he, sorry; Xion insists that it's male - continued smiling its sparkling pony smile at me.  I got out of bed and remembered to make it this time, smoothing the blue coverlet over flowered sheets that I'm sure had never once touched this bed before my arrival.  I debated whether to get dressed or not, then decided against it.  This was summer vacation, and apparently most people slept half the day and then wandered around in their nightclothes for much of the rest of it.  I wanted to be normal for once.

 

As I passed through the living room to get to the kitchen, I found the children watching cartoons as they ate cereal, according to their weekly custom.  "Good morning, loves," I said, stooping to kiss them.

 

"Hi," Roxas replied, absently rubbing my kiss off his cheek and never taking his eyes away from the television screen.

 

"Morning, Jasmine," Xion said, putting her bowl down so she could hug me.

 

"Did you sleep well?"

 

"Yeah.  Saïx is in the kitchen."

 

I laughed at her automatic...and correct...assumption.  "I can tell.  What's he making?"

 

"French toast.  I asked him to put chocolate chips on mine - you should, too."

 

"All right."

 

I forgot to even say anything for a little while, though.  Saïx is so beautiful sometimes....  Already dressed in a shirt that clung to him in soft, teasing folds, his hands moving with such surety, the morning sunlight playing through his hair until it seemed to glow....  I'm not sure how long I stood there watching him before he finally noticed me and stopped humming.

 

"Oh--  Good morning."  _embarrassment pleasure shyness discomfort pleasure_   Silly thing, he sings beautifully.

 

"Good morning, Saïx."  I went to hug him, resting my head against his shoulder.  He hesitated a moment, then laid his arm around my waist.

 

"...Are you hungry?"

 

"Xion tells me you're making them with chocolate chips," I said, watching a faint bit of color creeping into his cheeks.

 

"If you like."

 

"Yes, I would like.  And then I would like you to eat with me, so I'll wait for you to make your own."

 

"No need for that...."

 

"Pleeeeaaaase?"

 

"Don't beg, it's demeaning."

 

"So is that a yes or a no?"

 

"They'll get cold if you wait too long to eat them," he grumbled.

 

"You can eat the cold ones, and I'll take the fresher ones," I teased.

 

"That would be suitable."

 

"I was _joking_!"

 

"Hm...."

 

I looked over at his father, who was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee and a newspaper, watching us rather than drinking or reading.  "Good morning," I said.

 

"Good morning, Jasmine."  There aren't usually feelings in his eyes like there are in Saïx's, but I managed to catch faint wisps of _satisfaction_ and _relief_.  He's such an odd man, though endearing in some ways just like his son is.

 

One of the less endearing things about him, at this particular moment, was that he was wearing a business suit.  "Are you going to work again?" I exclaimed in dismay.

 

His eyes widened a little.  "Yes."

 

"You promised you wouldn't!"  It was _Saturday_ , for heaven's sake, and not the first one he'd worked through.

 

I could feel Saïx's own surprise as he looked at me, even though I was turned away from him.

 

"Oh.  Yes.  Unfortunately, it couldn't be avoided.  However, I need not be there as early as usual."  Which was why he hadn't left before any of us had woken up, I suppose.

 

"Oooh...."  I went to put my arms around his shoulders, and a bit of his surprise even managed to creep into his eyes, which are so often empty.  "Come back early, all right?"

 

"I fail to see why you are so invested in this matter, young lady."  This disapproval in his voice was, I think, more toward the fact that I was neglecting his son in favor of him, rather than actually caring what I thought about his work habits.  Even taking the matchmaking into account, he's such a strange man....  Well, Saïx is, too, but in different ways.  They really seem to take after each other.

 

"Maybe _I'm_ not invested, but your children are."  My father, busy as he is, still manages to make time for me as often as he can.  Most of my friends aren't that lucky.  "Xion misses you when you're gone, you know."

 

He made a noncommittal sound.

 

"Here."  I went back to the living room.  "Xion, are you finished eating?  Why don't you take your bowl to the sink."

 

"Okay," she said reluctantly, still staring at the television.

 

"Your father's lonely.  He needs you to keep him company."

 

Her eyes snapped to meet mine.  Then she grinned and stood up.  "Come on, Roxas," she said.

 

"No."

 

I set my fingers against his waist threateningly, so that he shrieked and gripped my arms.  "At the next commercial break," I warned.  "Or I'll tickle you to death."

 

"Nooo!"

 

"And then I'll squash your hair."

 

"No!  Fine!  All right!  You're mean!"

 

"Speaking of which...."  I fetched a comb and then pulled the silly boy upright so I could work on taming those ridiculous spikes of his.

 

"Leave me alone," he complained, though his attempts to resist me were half-hearted.

 

When we got to the kitchen, Xion was sitting in her father's lap, reading the comics section of the newspaper to him as he looked longsuffering.  " _See if your mom has any curlers for the back!_ " she finished, then laughed.  "Roxas's hair is a lot worse than that."

 

"No, it's not," he protested beside me.

 

Everyone looked over at him.  "Oh, you combed it," Xion realized.

 

"Jasmine did," Roxas said proudly.

 

"Did she," Saïx murmured.  That's all he said, and he wasn't even looking directly at me, but what I saw in his eyes made me feel warm.

 

"Oh, _now_ you appreciate it," I teased, patting Roxas's shoulder.

 

"What are you reading?"  He went over to climb up next to his sister, making their father sigh.

 

" _Calvin and Hobbes_."

 

"Which is not what _I_ was reading," Mr. Acerbi said pointedly.

 

"That's okay," Roxas said, "this is better.  My turn, Xion."

 

"Okay.  Read _Garfield_."

 

"Okay.  _'Dear Ask A Dog'...._ "

 

Mr. Acerbi eventually managed to bundle them out of his lap, and went to put his dirty dishes by the sink.  Saïx and I were eating our French toast as the children continued to read comics aloud.

 

"Saïx," his father said, stopping near us.  "What are your plans for today?"

 

"I'm...not sure yet," Saïx said cautiously.

 

"Aren't you going to take Jasmine somewhere?"

 

 _surprise suspicion unhappiness_   "I hadn't planned to."

 

"Correct this lack of foresight on your part."

 

"...."

 

"What if I don't want to go anywhere?" I suggested, trying not to be irritated.

 

They both looked at me blankly - or as blankly as Saïx could get, anyway.

 

"I want to go to the pool!" Xion chirped.

 

"Let's go to Laser Quest," Roxas decided.

 

"You two aren't going," Mr. Acerbi said.  "Sometimes young men and women need to have some time alone."

 

"Why?" Roxas asked.

 

"What if I want them to come?" I said pointedly.

 

He shut his eyes in a giving-up sort of way.  "Just don't let your guest be bored, Saïx," he sighed, and went to get his briefcase.

 

"BYE DADDYYYYY!" Xion shrieked, lunging after him.

 

"YOU NEED YOUR GOOD-BYE HUG," Roxas shouted, right on her heels.

 

As Mr. Acerbi was being very energetically embraced, I looked over at Saïx and smiled.  "He's not very subtle, is he."

 

"You don't have to do what he wants," Saïx muttered, poking at his French toast with the fork.

 

"I'm used to being set up with handsome rich boys - I don't mind so much this time, seeing as how I like the boy in question and have actually," I couldn't help chuckling ruefully, "met him."  His eyes were priceless.  I know what Axel means about him being 'fun.'  "Studied for tests with him, played games with his little sister and brother, slept in his bed...."

 

"You seem to enjoy being 'set up' with me," he said a little resentfully, finally seeming to remember that he could actually eat his food instead of picking at it.

 

"Do you hate the thought of being set up with _me_?"

 

"I didn't say that," he tried to say with his mouth full.

 

It's a little difficult sometimes, seeing all the things in his eyes but not always sure _why_ they're there.  I watched him for a while until I decided that it wasn't me he was upset with.  "Take me somewhere nice today, Saïx."

 

"Where do you want to go?"

 

"Hm...the library?" I meant it as a joke, but I didn't have the heart to say that after the way he lit up....

 

"Axel and the other two will never stand for being left behind."

 

"We'll just have to bring them along, then."

 

"That's even worse...."

 

Roxas and Xion came bounding in again.  "Saïx, we're bored."

 

"Let's play a game!"

 

"Jasmine and I are eating."

 

"Aw, pleeeeaaaase?"

 

"Go wake up Axel if you want to play."

 

"But then you're just gonna make him eat breakfast, too!"

 

"In that case, go watch your cartoons while you wait."

 

"We already did that!"

 

"Then find something else to do and leave me alone, I'm trying to keep our guest company."

 

"We can keep Jasmine company, too!"

 

"Jasmine, do you want to play a game?"

 

I laughed.  "What do you want to play?"

 

"Tag!"

 

"Hide and seek!"

 

"Find a board game," Saïx ordered.

 

"Not Candy Land," Roxas said immediately.

 

"But Monopoly's too hard," Xion reminded him.

 

"Let's do the Hungry Hippo one."

 

"NO," Saïx said immediately.

 

"Maybe a card game?" I offered.  "You two like Slapjack, don't you?"

 

"Yeah!"

 

"Heh."

 

Saïx rested his face against his palm.

 

By the time we had tormented Saïx to his limit with Slapjack and Spoons, then moved on to the more sedate Go Fish, their mother finally came shuffling into the kitchen, throwing herself into a chair and burying her face in her arms with a tired groan.  "I hate mornings...."

 

"It won't be morning soon," Xion said soothingly, hugging her.

 

"Mom, move your head, I can't see Jasmine's cards," Roxas said.

 

"You're not _supposed_ to be able to see other people's cards," Saïx snapped as he headed back to the stove, and I noticed his mother flinch a little.

 

"Good morning, Mrs. Acerbi," I said.

 

She lifted her head again, propping it against one hand.  "Hi, Jasmine.  Where are you guys going today...?"

 

"The library."

 

"Laser Quest," Roxas corrected.

 

"Then we're going to the pool," Xion finished.

 

"So you'll be gone all day, then."  She looked at Roxas.  "Come here and give me a hug, precious."

 

"Don't peek at my cards."  He set them facedown on the table and then went to let her wrap her arms around him.

 

"What happened to your hair?" she cooed, running her fingers through it.

 

"Jasmine combed it.  It hurt."

 

"Only because you allow it to get far too tangled between groomings," Saïx said, working to make another batch of French toast.

 

"Hmm."  She fluffed his hair out a bit more.  "It looks nice this way."

 

"Mom, when is Axel getting up?"

 

"How should I know?"

 

"Xion, let's go wake him up."

 

The two of them hurried off to the back of the house, and Mrs. Acerbi tiredly rubbed her eyes.  "I want Xem back...."

 

Saïx came and set a plate down on the table, carefully pushing it in front of her so that he never actually entered her field of vision.  Then he moved past her to sit next to me.  I poured more juice for him, and he sipped it without comment, except for a belated, "Thank you."

 

"You're welcome, Saïx.  I appreciate everything you do," I told him, trying not to glance at his mother.

 

"Oh...."  _discomfort pleasure embarrassment_

 

"This is really good," his mother said in a slightly awkward, deliberate way.

 

I leaned back against Saïx and knocked my foot against Mrs. Acerbi's as casually as I could, as if it was an accident, so that she glanced up and could see me smiling at her.  "It's nice not having to cook whenever someone who's so good at it does it for you."

 

"I said it tasted good," she repeated sullenly, turning her face away again and continuing to eat.

 

Saïx put an arm around my waist and squeezed a little - I knew he meant it as a warning to stop trying, but I really liked the feel of him holding me.  I put my arms over his so that he couldn't let go.

 

At the central library later on, Roxas and Xion made a beeline for the escalators as soon as we walked in.  "Race you to the top!"

 

"No fair, slow _down_!"

 

"Axel," Saïx growled.

 

"Yo!" Axel called after the children, though he sounded more amused than concerned.  "No running in the library, sillies!"

 

"No shouting in the library, either," Saïx said pointedly.

 

Axel knocked a fist against his shoulder with a grin.  "Have fun.  Text me when you're done, we'll meet in the kids' section.  You comin', Jaz?"

 

I smiled and took Saïx's hand.  "No."  Saïx looked at me, then down at our clasped hands.

 

Axel winked and turned away, breaking into a run when he realized that his younger brother was hanging over the side of the escalator and about to knock his head against the underside of the opposite one.  "Roxas!  Look out for that--!"

 

" _Ow_!"

 

"I told you you'd be in trouble," Xion said self-righteously.

 

Saïx sighed.

 

"Oh, you know they're cute," I laughed.

 

"I see nothing cute about foolish behavior that ends with one or both of them getting hurt."

 

"He's all right, see?  Come on, help me find that book Belle was telling us about a few weeks ago."

 

I already pretty much knew my way around libraries by now, but pretending I still didn't understand gave more excuses for him to talk to me.  "So once you know the author's last name and where the fiction section is, it's an easy enough matter to locate the title you're looking for."

 

I looked up at the shelf where my book was sitting.  "It's so high...do you think you could reach it for me, Saïx?"

 

"Of course."

 

Since he was focused elsewhere for a minute, I moved closer and smiled a little at his surprise when his attention returned to me.

 

"...Here's your book."

 

"Thank you, Saïx."

 

There was a pause, then he cleared his throat and moved away.  "Let me...just see if these volumes I need are where they're supposed to be...."

 

When we went upstairs to the children's section, we found Axel sitting on a chair he barely fit on, reading a book out loud and being stared at by passersby.  Xion was sitting close to him on one side, and Roxas was perched rather dangerously on the shelf behind the chair, reading over his brother's shoulder.  " _By daybreak_ ," Axel said dramatically, " _the baby bat could hold on no longer.  Down, down again she dropped.  Flump!_ "

 

Roxas suddenly toppled over practically into his sister's lap, yelling, "Yaaaahhhh!"

 

"Ack!" Xion exclaimed.

 

" _Stellaluna landed headfirst in a soft downy nest_ ," Axel went on, " _startling the three baby birds who lived there._ "

 

"Hey, _you're_ not a bird!" Xion said indignantly.

 

"I'm a bat, dummy."

 

"Ohhhh, I see.  Would you like a cookie?"

 

"Yup."

 

Xion handed him an imaginary cookie, which he pretended to gnaw on.

 

" _Stellaluna quickly clambered from the nest and hung out of sight below it_...."

 

They playacted the entire book rather noisily - I'm pretty sure the librarians who kept passing by would have stopped them if they'd realized that Saïx was actually glaring at his siblings, not at them.

 

" _Stellaluna still liked to sleep hanging by her feet.  Once, when Mama was away, the curious baby birds decided to try it, too._ "

 

Xion saw us watching, and ran over to us.  "Mama!"

 

" _What_?" Saïx exclaimed.

 

"Pick me up!"

 

"Xion, you're too-"

 

She seized his hands and immediately keeled over backwards with her head thrown back - he stumbled and barely managed to stay on his feet.  "Xion, _stop_ it."  He couldn't let go if he didn't want her to hit her head on the floor, and she was too big to be picked up.

 

"See, Stellaroxas?  I'm upside-down, too."

 

Roxas grinned from where he was now sitting on the floor, head similarly thrown back as he gripped the strained but still amused-looking Axel's arm.  "Told you."

 

" _When Mama Bird came home she saw eight tiny feet gripping the edge of the nest_."

 

"Xion, stand up properly or I _will_ drop you," Saïx threatened.

 

" _The birds clambered back into the nest_ ," Axel continued without missing a beat, as if Saïx's dialogue had been an intentional part of the story.

 

"I think that makes you Mama Bird," I whispered to Saïx, whose eyes flashed with incredulity and exasperation.

 

" _'You are teaching my children to do bad things.  I will not let you back into this nest unless you promise to obey all the rules of this house.'_ "

 

Xion gasped and heaved herself back to her feet, throwing her arms around her brother.  "I promise I'll be good, Mama Bird!  Don't kick me out!"

 

"I changed my mind, I'm going to go look for Volume VI after all," Saïx growled, so I threw my own arms around him, too.

 

"No, Mama Bird, don't leave," I begged, causing him to stare at me.  "Your hatchlings need you _so_ very badly."

 

"...Jasmine, you, too?" he said helplessly.  I had a very hard time trying not to giggle.

 

By the time we got to the end, Saïx had given up and was now standing near his brothers, woodenly not resisting as the children tried to make him play along.

 

" _'Hey!'_ " Axel cried, meeting his younger siblings' eyes directly as he dropped his head back and entered the story itself, " _'Why are you hanging upside down?'_ "

 

"I'm not upside down, _you_ are," Roxas insisted gleefully.

 

"You're a bat, silly," Axel said affectionately, reaching to ruffle his hair.  "We're the same kind, you and me.  Get it memorized."

 

"Um...I don't know the words, though.  This is the part where Stellaluna finds her mom."

 

"Come on, Stellaluna's mom," Xion prompted me, so I went over to hug Roxas.

 

"Are you my baby?" I asked playfully.

 

"Yup, I guess so."  He leaned back against me.  "So now I have my mom and my bat brother and my bird sister and my bird mom.  We're all family now."

 

"We get to eat fruit next," Xion said gleefully.

 

"Hmm," Axel mused, "we don't have any fruit, but how does ice cream sound?"

 

"YEAH!" the children shouted together.

 

"This is a _library_ ," Saïx stormed.

 

"Hush, loves," I told them, and they giggled as they pretended to zip their lips.

 

Axel handed the book to his brother.  "We'll go get ice cream as soon as Mama Bird finishes the story, okay?"

 

"'McDoomgaze' was preferable," Saïx grumbled under his breath, sighing heavily as he turned to the last page.  " _'How can we be so different and feel so much alike?' mused Flitter.  'And how can we feel so different and be so much alike?' wondered Pip.  'I think this is quite a mystery,' Flap chirped.  'I agree,' said Stellaluna.  'But we're friends.  And that's a fact.'_   That is also the end, and I am never taking you three to a library ever again."

 

"Yay!"

 

"Awesome."

 

"We're going to Laser Quest next time."

 

I laughed again.  "They got you there, Saïx."

 

"It was not my idea to bring them."

 

"Next time," Axel said suggestively, "we should let Sai and Jaz go off together alone~~."

 

"Why?" Roxas wondered.

 

"Axel," Saïx growled.

 

"Okay," Xion agreed.  "But let us still have him sometimes, okay, Jasmine?"

 

"Of course," I said, leaning over to kiss the top of her head.

 

Saïx did not look happy to be under such discussion.  "What do you all think you're talking about?" he said almost threateningly.

 

"I don't know," Roxas pouted, grabbing his hand and starting to drag him to the escalators.  "Let's just go get ice cream now, okay?"

 

"Yeah, the poor librarians have suffered enough," Axel agreed, taking Xion's other hand even as she was grasping mine.  I smiled, and reached out for Saïx to complete the connection.  Silly as we all now looked together, he didn't seem to mind.

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  LOL, Saïx is not a brony, and I doubt he'll ever become one, but he has sentimental reasons for not chucking Moonwolf in the trash. ;)

 

Gah, I keep forgetting to include the pets! *adds to Things To Fix In Final Drafts list*

 

...I can't tell how creepy Xem is coming off in this one, this series is so hard to be objective about...it has to do with the Subplot of Narm that I'm trying to see if I can get away with never clarifying. *wince*

 

This week was a huge fail as far as my writing productivity - I'll try to do better in the future.  Before that, though, I've decided that Monday is going to be Answer E-mail Day, because I really need to reply to all your wonderful messages!!! :D  Then after that I will set a Read Fanfics Day. XD  Then, hopefully, I can get back to writing those high-priority fics.

 

There are a couple of very different reasons why I wrote this story...that's all I'll say, though.  I just really wanted to try out some AkuSaiJazRokuShi Stepsiblings stuff. X3

Ftr, even though I decided that that's my OT5 now, it hasn't actually replaced the OT4 in my affections - it's just really new, so I'm still playing with it. :)  And a big thanks to Mirae-no-sekai~!  The way she included SaiJaz in an AkuSaiRokuShi fic ( _Nighttime Sortie_ ) was very inspiring. X3

 

Credits

_Calvin and Hobbes_ by Bill Watterson (I found the comic here: <http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2012/08/13> [LOL it was AkuRoku Day 2012 XD XD XD])

 _Garfield_ by Jim Davis (I found the comic here: <http://www.gocomics.com/garfield/2012/07/24> [I know these URLs aren't going to show up on FFN, but they will on MMO and DA])

 _Stellaluna_ by Janell Cannon


	42. ~Eyes Like A Tiger's - The One Valentine's Day {Saix}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**_Eyes Like A Tiger's - The One Valentine's Day_ ** **(rough draft)**

 

Summary:  Saïx really has absolutely no clue about this kind of thing.  Luckily for him, his girlfriend is super nice and understanding.

 

A/N:  This was meant to be posted on Valentine's Day 2013, but I didn't finish it in time, so you're getting it almost a month late. *sweatdrop*

**AU because I totally forgot that Saïx is supposed to go to college out of state. -.-;;;;  And since that bit was AU, I didn't bother to make sure that other stuff matched with the timeline.**

 

o.o.o

 

Sometimes, I think I am simply not suited to have a girlfriend.

 

I came to the realization by pure coincidence:  I had gone down to take a break and eat something.  Axel was in the living room, watching a movie with the children.  I went to sit next to him for just the few minutes it would take to peel and eat the banana I'd found.

 

"Do _you_ think that doggie is cute?" Xion asked me insistently.

 

"I do not find it particularly unappealing."

 

"Huh?"

 

"Saïx doesn't count," Axel said.

 

"Yes, he does!  Me and Saïx think it's cute, so there!"

 

"But then it's a tie," Roxas protested.

 

I had no idea what they were talking about, and did not care.

 

A commercial presently came on.  _"Every kiss begins with Kay!"_

 

I had been tuning it out, along with my siblings' inane squabbling.  Then it registered, and I nearly dropped the last of my banana.  "Valentine's Day."

 

"Yeah?" Axel said, glancing over at me.

 

"Sacred moon.  When is--?  Thursday.  February 14th is this Thursday."

 

Axel laughed.  "What, you _just_ realized that?"

 

"I have a girlfriend.  I am expected to--  Sacred moon.  _That's_ what she meant."

 

Axel stared at me.  "Holy cow, Sai.  You haven't made any plans yet?"

 

I stood up.  "I need help."

 

"We'll help you!" Xion said, bouncing to her feet.

 

"No," I said automatically.  Wait.  "Yes."  She was female.  Maybe she would be useful.

 

"What are we doing?" Roxas asked, getting to his feet as well.

 

"Helping Saïx get some this Thursday," Axel said.

 

We all looked at him in confusion.  "Get some what?"

 

He burst into laughter for some reason.

 

"This is not funny, Axel," I snarled.  "I don't know the _first thing_ about--  about--"  Well, females my age in general, but Jasmine tended to be forgiving.  I still had the impression that February 14th was a special case.  "--about satisfying a woman's expectations for Valentine's Day."

 

"Pretty flowers, and lots of candy," Xion said.  "The _good_ kind, not the yucky kind.  And a pink teddy bear with a heart that sings _You are my sunshine_.  And no _Transformers_ Valentines."

 

"Xion, she's not nine years old," Axel said.  "Come on, Sai, let's go see if we can grab a reservation."

 

We pored over the directory while on the phone with Axel's uncles, since they seemed to have some useful experience in this area.

 

_"Man, cuttin' it kinda close, aren'tcha....  I mean, you can try those restaurants I gave you, but I dunno if they'll have any reservations left."_

_"What were you thinking of as far as a gift?"_

 

"I have no _idea_ , that is why we are asking you."

 

By then, it was too late to go shopping, so we would have to do so after school the next day.  Accompanied by our younger siblings, since there was no one to baby-sit them at the last minute, and Axel couldn't bear the thought of leaving them in after-school care for so long.

 

"She'll like this," Roxas said, holding up a skateboard.

 

"Roxas, put it back," Axel laughed.

 

"Roxas, that's what _boys_ like!" Xion said, shoving past him to present a 'virtual pet' toy.  "She'll like this."

 

"...If I buy you two ice cream, will you just follow along quietly and _not_ make suggestions?" I said in desperation.

 

I came close to deciding, in the next half hour, that jewelry counters were my least favorite places on earth.  Yet I was trapped there until a decision was made, and after an exasperating exchange of text messages with Ella, I finally made a purchase and hoped I would not have to show Father the receipt any time soon.  "I have a feeling I just made a mistake...."

 

"Dude, do you know how much I'd give to be able to hand my date a Rosetta Lawrence for Valentine's?"

 

"I just want to go home."  Where I tried to soothe my agitation by engaging in one of my favorite activities:  research.  "Lea."

 

"What do you want?" she snapped.

 

"I merely wondered if you would permit me to borrow some of your, er...literature."

 

"What?"

 

After much more cajoling than I thought was necessary, I finally walked away with four books sporting black covers.

 

"Nice knowin' ya, buddy," Axel said almost sadly as he watched me taking them to my room.

 

"What do you mean by that?"

 

Less than five pages in, I began to see what he meant.  I could not understand how in the world this could have appeal to _anyone_ , much less roughly half the world's population.

 

Still, I persisted, slogging through hundreds of pages of swill for the sake of a woman I loved.  If this could help me in any way, I would willingly endure it, even if it killed me.

 

...Which, sometimes, I was afraid would happen literally.  "What do they _see_ in this?  _He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare.  His glistening, pale lavender lids were shut, though of course_ \--"

 

"Saïx, I never thought I'd have to say this to you, but you are making my ears bleed.  Shut up."

 

"Apologies.  I should not have made you suffer needlessly.  This is a burden I must bear alone."

 

"Ah, give it here," Axel said with a sort of affectionate disgust, grabbing the book out of my hands.  "Where'd you leave off?"

 

Later, Jasmine noticed that I was under more stress than usual.  "Is Valentine's Day always like this for you?"

 

"Pardon?"

 

"I know you get upset because of Halloween and Christmas...."

 

"...The circumstances are different."

 

"But you're still miserable.  Is it the new semester?"

 

"No...."

 

She studied me.  I was uncomfortable, and had a hard time maintaining eye contact.

 

"Saïx...we can just, um, 'stay home and watch a movie' for Valentine's Day.  If you want."

 

Even I could tell that she was as unfamiliar with such a practice as myself - she was accustomed to being treated like a princess, of having the best of everything.  Besides, one thing I was gradually beginning to learn was that women sometimes (often?) meant the exact opposite of what they said.  Which meant I'd have to enhance my plans.  "I--  Don't worry, my love.  I'll take care of it."  Or die trying.  I had the strong sense that failure would mean utter catastrophe.  _'I can do this.  I_ won't _fail, because I am good enough for you, and I will prove it.'_

 

"Belle?" I asked as soon as I could get her alone.  "May I speak with you?"

 

"Of course!  What is it?"

 

I gave her my list.  She edited it to a considerable extent - then reached up to brush my hair back over my shoulder in an affectionate way, and said, "Saïx, all she wants is to know that you love her more than anything in the world."

 

 _'Anything?'_ I thought in alarm.

 

"That you really care about her, and you want her to be happy.  That's all.  Don't worry about all the fancy plans - as long as she has your undivided attention, she'll be happy."

 

 _'...You're a woman.  I don't believe you,'_ I couldn't help thinking.

 

I wasn't sure where to turn next, though, since I knew that Vexen would be utterly useless in this area, and Adam was struggling nearly as much as myself.  He made a good commiseration partner, actually.

 

"Everyone keeps giving me different advice," he grumbled as we were studying.  "Lumiere says roses and candlelight, Cogsworth says expensive gifts, Mrs. Potts says 'Just be yourself,' as if Belle actually likes me when I'm not pretending to be nice...."  He gulped down another glass.

 

"I can certainly relate, but please switch to something non-alcoholic now; I need you fully functional until we've finished the next chapter."

 

The evening of February 13th, Aladdin caught me as I was heading out to the subway.  "Hey...Sai?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"...."  He finally expelled a long breath.  "Never mind."  Then he smiled - a little sadly, I thought.  "You guys have fun tomorrow, okay?"

 

"I'll be relieved enough if _she_ enjoys it," I muttered.

 

Then he said something I couldn't understand.

 

"What?"

 

"It means 'I love you,'" he said softly.  "In Agrabahti."

 

He taught me how to pronounce it correctly, so that I could say it to Jasmine the next day.  Surprised and grateful, I watched him finally walk away, his hands in his pockets and his shoulders hunched against the cold.

 

o.o.o.o.o

 

I suppose it was inevitable that the day would be a disaster.  From the jewelry design choice to the nauseating kisses ( _attempts_ at kisses) to the terrible movie and the restaurant we were ejected from and the way she could tell the entire time how utterly miserable I was, it was one failure after another.  Indeed, she seemed almost amused by it after a while.

 

"By the way," she said as we were walking home (having no longer any other mode of transportation), "I should have told you this sooner, but Father will kill you - really and truly kill you - if you try to, er...take me to a hotel tonight."

 

"What does a hotel have to do with anything?" I murmured, too preoccupied to be paying much attention.

 

"Well...never mind, it looks like that won't be a problem," she chuckled.  I roused myself enough to think about it for a while, and finally decided that I did not want my suspicions confirmed.

 

We reached her doorstep.  As I was trying to determine whether there was any possibility I was still expected to kiss her good-night after all this, she suddenly said, "Saïx?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"Let me--  Let me grab something real quick, and then--  Um, would you be _too_ terribly unhappy if we went to your house for a while?"

 

"What?"  I had been desperately looking forward to getting to be alone and try to block out the entire day from my mind.  "Why?"

 

"Oh, it's just...I, um, I just have Valentines for your family, and I...wanted...."

 

I managed to stop myself before sighing aloud.

 

"But it's all right, I know it'll bother you, I'll just bring them over another time."

 

"No, I would be happy to have you at the house for a while."

 

"No, you wouldn't."

 

"...I wish to be left alone, but _above_ that, my wish is to please you.  If you will be pleased by coming to my house, I would be grateful for the opportunity to host you."

 

She kissed me, and I was relieved when she avoided my mouth this time.  "Thank you, love."

 

She insisted on driving, since it was her car and she had given her chauffeur the night off.  I was surprised by the number of vehicles in the driveway when we reached the house - it looked as if Axel was back home, and a few of our cousins as well.

 

Sure enough, the living room was crowded when we walked in.  "Oooh!  Sai-Sai is home!"  Xion ran to hug me.

 

"Hello," I said.

 

She looked up into my face and frowned.  "Did you have a bad Valentine's Day?"

 

"Jasmine brought something for you."

 

"She did?!"

 

Jasmine smiled.  "For all of you, since it's Valentine's Day."

 

"Yaaay!  Ooh, Roxas, we gotta go get Jasmine's Valentines and give 'em to her, she's the _last one_!  AXEL!  PAUSE THE MOVIE!"

 

"OKAY!" he shouted back playfully.

 

The children ran upstairs, and I looked around at all the intruders in bewildered annoyance.  "What are you all doing here?  Axel, I thought you would be out later."

 

"Eh, my girlfriend dumped me."

 

"Oh, no!" Jasmine gasped.  "On Valentine's Day?  That's terrible!"

 

He shrugged.  "Nah, I already knew she was only dating me to make her ex-boyfriend jealous...they got back together tonight, by the way."  He chuckled ruefully.  "Just wish they'd waited, like, _two more_ hours."

 

"You're such a loser," Larxene remarked.

 

"Says the chick who's been single for two years now," Demyx laughed, then yelped when she casually reached over to smack him in the face.

 

"Yeah, and _who's_ the loser who got dumped _twice_ tonight?" Van snapped.

 

Demyx just shrugged.  "Hazards of two timing - comes with the territory...."

 

"Demyx, you are an awful person," Jasmine said mildly, going to sit down at the end of the couch.

 

"Yes, but _so_ loveable," Demyx said sweetly, going into his act with the wide open, deceptively innocent eyes and the charming smile that far too many women find inexplicably irresistible.  "Give me a call when you get tired of McDoomgaze here, 'kay?"

 

I didn't care that her response was a dry, "I think I'd rather be married off to the highest bidder, but thank you for offering," I was already striding forward and lifting up my girlfriend so that I could seat myself in her place and settle her in my lap.  Demyx was a fool.  Jasmine knew this.  I could send him fleeing with a single glare.  Pathetic that I still felt threatened.

 

Jasmine did not, however, protest the shift - she merely adjusted my arms more comfortably around her waist, rested hers on top of them, and leaned to kiss my cheek.

 

"GET OUT," Larxene and Van thundered at the same time.

 

I had been staring at the carpet, but now I turned my glare to them.  "I believe it's more appropriate that _you_ get out of MY house."

 

"Singles only tonight," Larxene said obnoxiously.  "That was the deal."

 

"Uh, _actually_ ," Axel put in, "the _deal_ was that you and Darkflood Void over there do whatever you guys do on Thursday nights, not come barging in here to kick out the baby-sitter and make yourselves at home."

 

"You're lucky we came," Van said, so mildly that I knew it was a blatant lie.  "That fail baby-sitter was smoking weed.  We did you guys a favor."

 

"Van," Axel said in exasperation.

 

Xion and Roxas came running back in again.  "Jasmine!  We couldn't find the Valentines because Roxas was stupid and lost them, but we made you new ones!"

 

"I'm not stupid!"

 

"Ooohh, let me see, dear."

 

There were Valentines for all six of us, unfortunately.  Mine had glitter on it, so I did my best not to touch it, and left Jasmine with the duty of praising the children's work.  Jasmine distributed the treats she had brought - there were enough extras for our uninvited guests as well.  Though the children did not find the high-end chocolate to their liking, Roxas told Jasmine that he still liked her anyway, even though the chocolate was 'gross,' and my sister embraced and thanked her because Xion is a civilized young lady who, unlike her younger brother, was not raised to have the manners of an ape.

 

"He's still young," I told Jasmine.

 

She smoothed her hands over my hot cheeks, startling me into meeting her gaze again, then slipped a chocolate into my mouth.  "He means well," she said with a smile.

 

"I'm gonna puke," Larxene said, and Van threw popcorn at us.

 

"Jasmiiiine, come sit in my lap, it's my turn now," Demyx whined half-playfully, and was ignored.

 

Axel resumed playing the movie, which was some odd-looking thing about a girl with a pig's snout.

 

"The pretty boy's gonna break the spell," Xion said confidently.  "You'll see."

 

"My vote's for the midget detective," Demyx piped up.

 

"I like the midget detective," Roxas said.

 

I sighed.  "He's a journalist."  I'd only watched ten minutes of this movie, yet the character's profession was obvious.  My family's lack of attention to detail is abhorrent.

 

"I think she's beautiful just the way she is," Axel joked, though Larxene's tone was resentful as she said, "She doesn't need some greasy-haired gambling addict to make her a real woman."

 

"Yeah, but you do," Van said with a grin, "otherwise you wouldn't be spending Valentine's Day here with your ex-boyfriends, trying to forget you're Forever Alone."

 

"At least I'm not stupid enough to fall in love with someone I can never have," Larxene snapped, earning a painful glare.  She weathered it well, though - she's grown used to being around us.

 

"Everyone, stop talking," Xion ordered, "I can't hear."

 

Despite having to watch a movie I had little interest in, and being forced to tolerate the company of the worst of my cousins, that evening with my family was actually the part of Valentine's Day that came closest to being enjoyable.

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  **Ugh, this fic is lame...I have no idea what I'm talking about.** *sweatdrop*  Also, I didn't want to end it on the usual "FAMILY IS THE ULTIMATE" thing that I usually do, but I couldn't think of what else to do....  There was a bit at the end that I cut out, because the flow was so terrible.  It was basically Saïx  & Jasmine talking on the way home about how Valentine's Day sucked, but they love each other anyway, and Saïx is all "FAAAAIIIILLLLL," and Jasmine's all "IT'S OKAAAAAYYYY," and then a bit of irony about how "next year will be a success." *sweatdrop*

 

Ftr, I REALLY HATE feminine dishonesty.  _Say what you freaking mean_.  So that guys can actually _trust_ you and believe you and not get confused, and so they'll believe _me_ , because I actually _do_ mean what I say, but they don't believe me because the rest of my sex insist on being coy. -.-

 

Lollllll, **"Darkflood Void" is the name Taliax came up with for pony-Vanitas**. X3  I think I'd come up with a different one, but I didn't feel like digging through my notes to look for it when this is just a rough draft, so I just used hers for now, since it's cute and works just as well. ^^

 

 **Also, the quote is by Stephenie Meyer. XD XD**   Technically, it should have been a quote from later on in the series, but I couldn't find anything juicer than the meadow scene as I was skimming through, and I didn't want to even touch those books for longer than I had to. *sweatdrop*

 

**Ftr, I LOVE the movie _Penelope_ , it's one of my favorite romances (and Peter Dinklage totally rocks :w00t:), but I do have to keep the characters IC when I'm writing them....  I hate offending people when I don't mean to. >.<**

 

I still haven't really gotten to write the "Vitriolic" part of Van & Larxene's relationship, but they tend to band together against common enemies.  Plus...Larxene, and Van at times, are often _so dang hard_ for me to write.

 

Kay Jewelers is a jewelry company, they have no relation to Saïx's mother in the _Stepsiblings_ universe whatsoever. ^^;

 

Oh, and if you're getting tired of jerk Demyx, I FINALLY managed to write him as the nicer Demyx I love in the (currently unposted) KH/Divergent fic, yaaaay. ^^;

 

o.o.o

 

[Outtake, because I'm ridiculous and accidently switched to Axel's POV for a few lines, _without even realizing it_ 'til I switched back to Saïx's. XD]

 

"What are we doing?" Roxas asked, getting to his feet as well.

 

"Helping Saïx get some this Thursday," I said, wondering whether or not I was joking.

 

They all looked at me in confusion.  "Get some what?"  _All three of them._   I couldn't help laughing.


	43. ~Fourth of July {Saix}

Stepsiblings (alternate universe stories)

A Kingdom Hearts fanfiction series by Raberba girl

 

Summary:  Stories with the same basic setup as "Stepsiblings," but which take place in slightly different alternate universes.

Introduction:  In the main _Stepsiblings_ series, the basic premise is that Saïx  & Xion's father gets married to Axel & Roxas's mom.  I did, however, keep getting plot bunnies for events that could never happen in the main universe, so this sub-series is like a collection of AUs of the Stepsibsverse.

 

 **Oh, and anything in this series might be mentioned in the main universe, even though it didn't actually happen.**   Yes, I am ridiculous.

 

o.o.o

 

**Fourth of July (rough draft)**

_For Saïx/Vexen Day, 4 July 2012_

 

Summary:  Saïx's siblings and girlfriend are out of town, as are all his other friends. That only leaves one person to celebrate Independence Day with. Platonic fic for Saïx/Vexen Day 2012.

 

A/N:  Saïx's POV. Takes place when he's in college.  This is an AU because he would miss his sibs too much in the main universe to ever take summer school on campus. XD  Also possibly because of Vexen's characterization.

 

 **Btw, _Stepsiblings_ is not specifically set in America (or Japan, ftr).**   It's a very vague AU setting...in a country that just happens to have won a revolution on July 4th. *sweatdrop*

 

My self-confidence is shot....  I really, really should not have procrastinated so much in attempting to write the SaiJaz pairing for real. *covers face in embarrassment for thinking I could ever get those two right*  And btw, this fic is only about half SaiVex; AkuSaiRokuShi and SaiJaz take up the other half.... *sigh* *goes off to cry like the emo perfectionist I am* *final draft will not have these horrible DX-flail A/Ns*

 

Oh, and it's thirteen minutes 'til the deadline for this fic, so forgive all the horrible tense agreement mistakes I didn't get a chance to fix. DX

 

o.o.o

 

The _one_ holiday we were allotted during the second summer session, and even then, I was not allowed sleep in.  I should have turned my phone off.

 

 _"Sai-Saiiiii!"_   From the amount of noise and the number of voices in the background, I assumed that they had turned the device to speaker mode.

 

"Hello, Xion," I said sleepily.

 

 _"You just wake up?"_ Axel laughed.

 

"Yes...."

 

 _"LAZY, Saïx,"_ Roxas said gleefully.  _"It's already lunchtime and you're still in bed."_

 

"It's seven o'clock in the morning here," I sighed.  He was halfway across the world and knew perfectly well about the time difference.

 

 _"Aw, poor Saïx,"_ Xion giggled.  _"Daddy, say good morning to Saïx!"_

 

_"Hello, Saïx."_

 

"Hello, Father."

 

_"Mom, say hi to Saïx!"_

_"Ugh, you guys talk to him, I'm busy."_

 

Typical.

 

 _"Mom."_   That was Axel, sounding fed up.  _"SAY HELLO to your son that you haven't seen since Easter."_

 

_"He's not my son!"_

 

"Axel, don't worry about it," I tried to say.  I really had no patience for these awkward dances.

 

 _"IT'S NOT GONNA KILL YOU TO SAY HI TO SAIX."_   Axel sounded furious, but now the younger two were chiming in.

 

_"Mooommmm, you have to say hi to Saïx!  Pleeeaaase?"_

_"Say hi to Saïx!"_

_"Say hi!"_

_"Say it!"_   Then Roxas started chanting, with Axel and then Xion quickly joining in, _"Say hi!  Say hi!  Say hi!  Say hi!"_

 

 _"ALL RIGHT!"_ Lea shouted.  _"Shut up!  HELLO, Saïx."_

 

"Hello, Lea."

 

_"Yaaayyy!  Good job, Mom!"_

 

_"See, that wasn't hard."_

_"Hush, precious; Axel,_ wipe _that grin off your face."_

_"Children, stop pestering your mother."_

_"I'M NOT A CHILD!  I'M ALMOST NINE!"_

 

"Axel," I said tiredly, "can you please take it off speaker phone...?"  The cacophony of staticky voices this early in the morning was starting to give me a headache.

 

 _"No, wait, hold on a sec--"_   Then, apparently, to Father, in a tone of great sarcasm, _"Xem, we're gonna go over there to talk to Sai, okay?_ Is that okay with you? _Yes?  Great, catch ya later; c'mon, kiddos."_

 

I could hear their crunching footsteps.  "How has the trip been so far?" I asked.  They were all vacationing abroad, the only reason why we were separated today.

 

 _"We saw dolphins!"_ Xion practically shrieked. _"It was SO COOL!"_

 

 _"The boat was really big,"_ Roxas added.

 

 _"Food here's awesome,"_ was Axel's input.  _"We've been collecting souvenirs for you everywhere we visit."_

 

"Oh, no...."

 

 _"You're coming with us next time, right, Sai-Sai?"_ Xion asked anxiously.

 

"Maybe."  I would like to, of course, but I couldn't predict the future.  I hadn't planned on taking summer school this session, for example, yet that was how things had worked out.

 

 _"You_ have _to,"_ Roxas said in that bossy way of his.  _"You can't_ ever _miss our birthday again, I hate it."_

 

"You haven't even had your birthday yet."

 

_"I will.  Nine days.  Axel's four.  Tell him Happy Birthday."_

 

"Happy birthday, Axel."

 

_"Thanks, bro!"_

 

"So does this mean I don't have to call you in four days?"

 

_"NO!"_

_"You have to call us_ every _day!"_ Xion informed me.  As if I hadn't been doing that already.

 

 _"Heh, don't hold it against him, Xi,"_ Axel said with a mischievous note in his voice that made me frown.  _"He's too busy calling SOMEONE ELSE every day to have time for us...."_

_"Huh?  Who?"_ Roxas said in confusion, but Xion was giggling.

 

_"Sai-Sai and Jasmine, sittin' in a tree--"_

 

"Don't be tiresome," I cut her off.  "I don't recall ever neglecting the three of you in favor of my other relationship, though I can start if it will fulfill your expectations--"

 

_"No!"_

_"No!"_

_"What?"_   (That was Roxas.)

 

 _"No, really."_   Axel, finally sounding like he was being serious for once.  _"You've been doing good, Sai.  It's really great hearing from you."_

 

I didn't know what to say...my face felt hot.  "Well.  I like...talking to you three, you know."  I almost said _I miss you_ , but couldn't quite manage it aloud, no matter how true it was.

 

I could hear my father's voice calling something indistinguishable in the background.

 

 _"All right, we'll be there in a second!"_ Axel shouted back irritably.

 

 _"Quick,"_ Xion urged the other two.  _"We have to tell him why we called him in the first place!"_

 

_"All right, then, on the count of three:  One, two, three!"_

_"HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY~~~!"_ they all bellowed in unison, causing me to jerk the phone away from my ear for a moment.

 

"...Happy Fourth of July to you, too," I returned, reluctantly cooperative.  "A warning about the noise next time, please?"

 

_"Heh, sorry, Sai."_

 

 _"Saïx."_   That was Roxas, sounding like whatever he wanted to say was urgent.  _"Sai, there's no parades here.  People don't do_ anything _for Fourth of July, it's just a normal day."_

 

"Of course.  Their Independence Day is different than ours."

 

_"But...but we're supposed to be in a parade!"_

 

Axel shouted something at my father.  They were going to be forced to hang up soon.

 

 _"Sai-Sai!"_   Xion.  _Thankfully_ , that horrible nickname had not been picked up by the other two.  Much.  _"Sai-Sai, since we can't go to the parade, you have to go for us today!"_

 

"...Ugh."

 

 _"Promise!"_ Roxas yelled.  _"Promise you'll go to the parade!  DO IT FOR US, SAIX!"_

 

"Roxas, I had other plans for today."

 

 _"Like what?"_ Axel challenged.

 

Sleeping.  Homework.  Eating.  Calling my girlfriend.  ...Not in that order, probably.

 

Father was calling again.

 

 _"PROMISE, SAIX!!!"_ all three of them screamed.

 

"...I promise."

 

_"W00t!"_

_"Finally."_

_"Yay!  I love you, big brother!"_

 

"I love you, too, Xion," I said quietly.

 

There was a pause.

 

_"Hey!"_

_"Holy flying--!"_

_"You love us, too, right, Saïx!?"_

 

"Yes, Roxas, I love you, too."

 

 _"And me?"_   That mischief was back in full force.

 

"You can go jump off a cliff, Axel."

 

 _"He doesn't mean it, Axel,"_ Xion said confidently.  _"His eyes are probably going,_ 'I love you I miss you I want you back.' _"_

_"Heheh, yeah, I know."_

 

"Don't make me doomgaze the phone," I threatened.  I hate that term, but it's...caught on.  Even Uncle Xigbar and Van use it now.

 

 _"Oooohhhh,"_ my brothers crowed tauntingly.

 

Now I could hear Lea yelling.

 

 _"All_ right _, we're_ coming _!"_ Axel shouted.

 

 _"Saïx, your dad's doomgazing us,"_ Roxas pleaded.

 

"No wonder, the way you've kept him and your mother waiting.  Go on, I'll talk to you all later."

 

_"Have fun at the parade, Sai-Sai."_

 

"I will."  Wait, what?

 

_"I love you!"_

_"Talk to you later, Sai!"_

_"Bye."_

 

...They're gone.

 

I lay there for a while, listening to the silence of the apartment and the silence of the phone in my hand.  Then I sat up and leaned back against the headboard as I pressed a speed-dial button.  I had learned that on noteworthy days, you are supposed to call people who are important to you.

 

I was a little afraid she wouldn't pick up at this hour, but then there was a click.  _"Saïx,"_ she greeted in a happy purr that made me smile.  She sounded sleepy, though.

 

"Forgive me for waking you, love."  The endearments had been so strange to say at first, but they come easily now.

 

 _"Mmm, I can't think of many nicer ways to be woken up."_   I could hear her shifting on the bed.  _"I need to get up anyway, some of the girls are already making breakfast."_

 

"What are you doing today?"

 

_"Rehearsal, and the dinner afterwards.  And a million other things."_

 

...People usually took dates to things like formal dinners, didn't they.  "Jasmine...I should have come."

 

_"You have school."_

 

"I could have...come anyway...."  Defied my father while looking him in the eye, foregone class, booked a flight halfway across the country in the middle of summer semester...I should have done it.  Should have at least determined whether it was important enough to try, but I'd just taken what she said at face value.  Again.

 

_"Saïx, I know what it's like to have to make sacrifices for your family's sake.  It's all right, you don't even know anyone here and couldn't talk to half of them, you'd be miserable."_

 

"However, I would be with you.  I wouldn't call that miserable."

 

I could practically sense her smile.  _"I love hearing you say things like that."_

 

"I must not say them enough."

 

 _"You don't, but that's all right, just makes them all the sweeter.  What are_ you _doing today, dear?"_

 

"...My sister and brothers made me promise to go to an Independence Day parade."

 

_"Really?!"_

 

"I know, it's ridiculous."

 

 _"It's_ wonderful _!  You'll enjoy it."_

 

"Hmm...."

 

_"You will.  Just don't go alone, silly."_

 

"My options are rather limited in that respect."  Belle, Al, and Adam had all gone home for the summer, and even if I'd _wanted_ anything to do with Zell's crowd, they were gone as well.  There wasn't really anyone in town whom I knew well enough to attend such an event with, except for....

 

 _"What about--?"_   She paused.  _"Well, probably not."_

 

I was pretty sure we both had the same person in mind.  "Most likely not," I agreed.  "But I'll think about it."

 

 _"Good.  I don't like the thought of you being lonely, and you two get along well."_   She giggled.  _"_ Surprisingly _well."_

 

"I'd take his company over Zell's, at least; that is certain."

 

 _"You're so funny, love."_   Then, a little unexpectedly for this point in the conversation, _"I miss you."_

 

Three small words, yet they brought all the unpleasant feelings back.  "I miss you, too," I said in a low voice.  Then I did not know what to say, and she did not speak either, so that we simply listened to each other's breathing.

 

 _"Jasmine!"_ I heard a woman's voice call in the background, then a couple more sentences in a language I was not familiar with.

 

Jasmine called back in the same language, then said to me, _"I have to go."_

 

"I know."

 

_"Love you."_

 

"I love you."  I could not quite bring myself to end the call - I kept waiting for her end of the line to go dead.

 

_"Well...good-bye, dear."_

 

"Good-bye."

 

_"...."_

 

"...."

 

_"Are you still there?"_

 

I smiled a little.  "We're wasting minutes."

 

_"Hang up, then."_

 

"Mm...."

 

I finally heard her shift again as she got out of bed, the sound of her movements and the increased noise as she walked to, I assumed, the kitchen where the bride-to-be and other bridesmaids were.  Cheerful greetings rang out.  The sound changed so that I guessed she had set the phone to speaker mode, and I heard her call something to them.

 

There was a sudden shout of several female voices in unison.  _"Sabah el kheer, Sa...!"_   Most of them had trouble pronouncing my name.

 

 _"They said Good Morning,"_ Jasmine laughed.

 

"I surmised.  Tell them that I respond in kind."  She said something to her friends in their language that caused them all to burst into laughter.  There were some individual shouts in a teasing tone, then the sound was a little muted as she returned the phone to its normal mode.  "You sound like you're enjoying yourself."

 

_"It really is fun with just the girls, getting ready for the wedding together."_

 

"I know you're going to look beautiful."

 

 _"I'll have pictures for you.  I wish you could have--"_   She cuts herself off.  _"Someday I'll see you at a wedding, Saïx.  I know you'll look very handsome."_

 

...Such a strange thought.  Did she mean _our_ wedding?  I haven't proposed to her, of course...we haven't talked about it...I haven't even really thought about it...I should be thinking about it, though.  We've been dating for almost a year, I should at least be _thinking_ about it.  Yet more evidence of my social ignorance; how could I have missed so much growing up?  A wedding...maybe she didn't mean our wedding...she could have just meant any wedding, any friends of ours getting married, because I am pleased with where our relationship is now, I don't...relish the thought of it changing, but that's strange, isn't it, people don't usually date like this unless they're at least considering--

 

_"Are you all right, sweetheart?"_

 

"What?"

 

_"The phone static....  You're doomgazing again, aren't you."_

 

They can tell through the _phone static_?

 

_"I don't think you're angry, so you must be upset.  Did I say something wrong?"_

 

"I...I don't...know what you're talking about."  What _were_ we talking about?  "You've seen me in a suit before."

 

_"But not when--"_

 

They started calling her name again, playfully whining.  I was keeping her from her friends.  "I'll have to talk to you later, dear."

 

_"Promise me you'll have fun, all right?"_

 

"I'll do my best," I managed.

 

_"Love you."_

 

"I love you."

 

_"...."_

 

"...."

 

_"I can't hang up on you!"_

 

"Give the phone to somebody else."

 

After a pause and some transferring sounds, a woman said something to me in strange words and a warm, sweet tone that made my lack of understanding not matter.

 

Then she was gone, too.

 

I sat there for a long time, the silence now more pressing than ever.  My chest felt...empty.  I had never felt like this before.  My life had been _fine_ , but then those brothers of mine had showed up to make things difficult and complicated, and they'd made me start liking my sister better, and then once the three of them had all bound me into their little pack, I'd gone to college and instead of my world finally settling down again, it had seemed to explode.  I had a _girlfriend_.  I had friends, the first friends I'd ever made in my life.

 

But now all of them were gone, and because they'd forced me to love them, it was painful, as I had known it would be, to lose them.  I had known this would happen.  Yet they insisted, and now look at me.

 

I sent a text message to Axel.  _"My chest hurts.  This is all your fault."_

 

His response was quick (and obnoxious).  _"STILL WORTH IT!!!!!"_

_"Why should I take your word for it?"_

_"its true and we lov u lots!"_

Well.  It was not, after all, as if they made me do all the work.  _"Don't jump off a cliff."_

_"dawww i knew u cared"_

_"I wish I didn't."_

_"go make a new friend"_

_"Bit difficult to do without making eye contact."_   I frightened away most people just by looking at them; even Axel had taken a while to stop hating me.  People like my sister or like Jasmine, who could see past the gold and accept me almost at once, were quite rare.

_"SMILE"_

_"You're no help at all."_

 

Nevertheless, the exchange had cheered me up a bit, so I finally got out of bed and prepared for the day.  Then I reached for my phone again.

 

He sounded impatient when he answered.  _"Yes, hello, what is it?"_   He was probably in the middle of a project.  He was _always_ in the middle of a project.

 

"Where are you?" I asked.

 

 _"The library, of course."_   Of course.  _"The ONE DAY when it's finally not crowded with riffraff who don't take their studies seriously...."_   I had always thought that I had a rather low opinion of humanity in general, but that had been before I met him.

 

"Consider this your warning," I said.  It was only fair to offer something of the kind, but I didn't want him running off before I could find him.

 

_"What?"_

 

I hung up.  Made one last check, locked the door behind me, headed down the stairs.

 

The morning air was refreshing, though of course it was going to get uncomfortably hot later in the day.  If we were going to be frolicking about outside, this would be the best time to do it.

 

I made a purchase on the way to the library, hid it in my bag, then walked inside and found my target happily scribbling away in a notepad, with a laptop sitting nearby and stacks of books taking up the rest of the table.

 

"Hello, Vexen."

 

"Oh, it's you," he said absently.

 

"I made a promise to some people today."

 

"Could you go away?  I'm busy now."

 

I ignored him and continued.  "It will get rather dull fulfilling it by myself, and you're the only option I have on such short notice."

 

"What in the world are you talking about?"

 

"Put the books away, we're going to the Independence Day parade."

 

"Are you mad, Saïx?" he said indignantly.  Despite everything, I couldn't help feeling a slight wisp of affection for the vocabulary.  We could relate on that level, at least.

 

"A little harassed, yes, but mad, no.  Please don't argue, I'd rather not force you."

 

"I'm not leaving," he said defiantly.  "Surely you don't imagine I would give up this prime opportunity to get some quality work done, do you?"

 

"Vexen.  Let's please pretend that we are normal human beings, just for today."

 

"Go adopt some canines, or whatever it is you do when you're not interrupting me."

 

I drew in a deep breath.  Even after all this time, I wasn't very good at this...the Speech was so instinctive, I was still not entirely sure how to control it, other than crudely willing negative thoughts at other people.  But to tailor what came out of my eyes to make it more effective on those who were accustomed to it....

 

 _'I'm lonely,'_ I thought, hard.  _'You're lonely, too.  Come with me, leave the dust behind, let's step out into the sunshine together....'_

 

He was rigid, staring at me.  One hand groped unsteadily to drag the notepad closer.  "Determination, longing, impatience, affection," he was muttering under his breath, scribbling the words down.  Was that what he saw in my eyes?  ... _Affection_?

 

"Surprise, horror, disgust...."

 

Focus, Saïx.  _'Come,'_ I thought again.

 

It was obviously having an effect on him - he was cringing like most people did whenever I looked at them, or like people who were used to me did when I was angry at them.  (Everyone except Axel.  Axel, for some reason, seemed to have an almost complete immunity, which could be as much of a relief as it was infuriating.)

 

"Got it," he finally said triumphantly.  "You may cease now."  He reached for the computer.

 

"This isn't an experiment, Vexen.  I really do want you to put the books away and accompany me."

 

"It's a _holiday_!"

 

"Exactly."  Was this what Axel felt like whenever he annoyed me into socializing?

 

"This is preposterous.  I am older than you--"  By four months.  "--and therefore have seniority, you can't pressure me into participating in something I have no interest in!"

 

Yet, ten minutes later, we were walking out of the library together, Vexen making a long string of complaints that I did not attempt to stem.  I rather thought he was entitled to it.

 

"...absolutely ridiculous, precious time being wasted, you have _no idea_ how close I am to discovering the--"

 

I dug out the paper bag of kolaches and silently offered it.

 

"What is that?"

 

"Breakfast.  Which I assume you didn't eat before dashing off to the library first thing upon awakening."

 

"How I take care of my body is none of your business," he said haughtily, digging out one of the bread-wrapped sausages.

 

"I already have to put up with my brother forgetting to feed himself adequately, I really don't need it from you, either.  Your face could use some filling out."

 

"What's that supposed to mean?"

 

Only that he'd grown unhealthily gaunt since the beginning of the summer.  It hadn't been nearly this bad when we were still living together - though, granted, when we were roommates, I'd looked after him a lot more than I'd ever expected to have to look after someone my own age.  Redirected energies after having gotten so used to taking care of Xion, perhaps....

 

"No matter.  We'll stop by your place so you can drop off your books, then go find out where to register."

 

"You owe me for this, Saïx."

 

"Pass the bill to my siblings.  It's their fault we're both out here, not being hermits."

 

"How do you tolerate them?" he wondered, taking another kolache.

 

"Practice."

 

"I never had siblings," he said thoughtfully.  "I wonder what it would have been like...utterly miserable, I'm sure."

 

"...Only partially miserable.  Then, after a while, you get used to it."

 

"Fascinating," he said clinically.

 

When we finally figured out where people, mostly other college students, were gathering to sign up, I drew back behind Vexen and let him do the talking, a habit which my friends were all used to (much as it annoyed some of them).

 

"Hi!" the young woman with frizzy pigtails said brightly.  "Here to sign up for the parade?"

 

"No," Vexen said bluntly.

 

"Yes," I corrected, giving him a warning glare.

 

The girl got a good look at me for the first time and seemed to freeze.  I lowered my gaze to the ground again.

 

"My associate here is forcing me to participate," Vexen sulked.

 

"Ask for the clipboard," I growled.

 

Vexen held out his hand imperiously.  She handed the sign-up sheet over without a word, her eyes still fixed on me.  He signed his name in an illegible scrawl, then handed the registry to me.  _Saïx Acerbi_ , I wrote.  I snapped a picture with my phone and texted the proof to my brother.  _"There, are you satisfied now?"_

 

_"yaaaaaaayyyyyyy send us pix of u in parade later k? rox says hi xi says ilu"_

_"You three are impossible."_   I looked up to find the girl still staring at me, as Vexen took notes on her reaction.

 

"Your eyes," she whispered.  "They're very...."

 

"Yes?" Vexen said eagerly when she failed to finish her sentence.  "Very what?  What descriptor would you use for them, exactly?"

 

With a mental sigh, I folded my arms, looked her in the face for the first time, and waited.  ...And remembered my brother's advice to smile, so I did.

 

She gulped.  "Th-They're amazing," she said nervously.

 

" _Really_?" Vexen laughed.  "That's an unusual one.  Fascinating...."

 

"My girlfriend likes them, too," I tried.  I've found that saying such things sometimes has favorable results.

 

Sure enough, her eyes widened.  "You have a _girlfriend_?"

 

"Yes.  Unfortunately, we were not able to be together today, so I'll have to do something nice to make it up to her later."

 

Her face changed to that expression of wonder that it always does whenever they...'unlock' me, as Xion would put it.  I quickly looked away.  Sometimes I don't know which is worse, the way they cower in terror or the way they seem to be able to read my mind.  I wish so often that I was _normal_.

 

"Ohhh...can I?"

 

I quickly moved back out of reach.  "No.  Please."  Call me unreasonable, but I do not like it when complete strangers try to touch my face.  It seems to be a natural reaction with the women, especially.  "...She wouldn't like it."  Jasmine would think it was amusing, actually, but she wasn't here right now.

 

The girl actually giggled, her previous fear of me gone.  "Sorry.  Didn't mean to pester you.  Oh!  I sure did get distracted; here you go!"  She rummaged around in a box and handed each of us a sash and a flag.  "Just put these on, and then you can go wait over there with the others.  There's refreshments, feel free to enjoy yourselves and get to know everyone!  We'll be starting in about an hour."

 

We did not exactly 'get to know everyone,' but after a while I stopped 'hiding' (as Axel would have put it) and ventured to initiate conversation.  With a woman I had long known from her job at a coffee shop near my old dorm building, but still.  She was a talkative person who soothed her nervous friends and readily accepted us into her circle, so that the time passed reasonably pleasant enough.

 

"Why aren't you back home with that adorable little brother and sister of yours?  Sounded like they miss you whenever you're gone."

 

"My academic performance warranted boosting...."

 

She laughed.  "You always have such a funny way of talking.  And you, sugar?  You taking summer school too, or just working?"

 

Vexen stared.  I was willing to bet that he had never been called 'sugar' in his life before.

 

"Vexen is also enrolled in summer session.  We used to be roommates, back at Tram."

 

"Is _that_ so!  Well, I remember you now, honey; only you had a bit more meat on your bones, then...."

 

"What is she saying?" Vexen asked me blankly, as if she was speaking a different language.

 

"You need to eat more."

 

In the general shuffle and confusion of the parade's start, I lost track of our pre-event companions, and reached out to grasp hold of Vexen's shirt without thinking.

 

He stared at me.  "What are you doing?"

 

I quickly let go.  _'Trying not to lose you.'_   "Let's move farther up where there's less people."

 

"I feel ridiculous, wearing this thing."  He tugged contemptuously at the patriotic sash that had been slung over one shoulder.

 

"Well, so do I, but we'll look stranger if we're _not_ festive."  I took a photo for my siblings' sake.  _"Satisfied with my humiliation?"_

_"totally smokin!!"_

 

"You do engage in quite a lot of contact with those siblings of yours," Vexen observed.

 

"They don't leave me alone otherwise."

 

"Has it occurred to you that this kind of thing only encourages them?"

 

"They're annoying either way."  Not really.  Not anymore.  I spoke out of habit....  "I'd just prefer them to be in a good mood when they pester me rather than an unpleasant one."

 

"Sensible enough, I suppose."

 

Everyone was walking now.  The noise was a little overwhelming, with a roar of cheering from the people lining the road, happy shouts back and forth, and noisemakers blaring.  This was not exactly my element.  I waved and tried to smile and tried to not look directly at anyone.

 

"It's such a pointless celebration, if you think about it," Vexen was lecturing at my side.  "People would do much better to actually _research_ this nation's history and delve into all the primary sources and later analyses of the revolution, rather than gathering together just to make noise and consume junk food and waste time putting up all these decorations that will just end up in landfills, such as this flag, for example, if you consider just the plastic handle, the energy and resources that went into its manufacture and its environmental impact after being thrown away, obviously added up with all the other plastic trivialities just like it...."

 

I started tuning him out pretty early on.  It became this strange sort of dreamlike experience, walking on and on with the endless noise on all sides and my companion staying close, rambling on in a soothing drone....

 

I was trying hard not to look at anyone, so my eyes inevitably ended up focusing on the road much of the time instead.  I saw the child - a girl, so tiny, toddling about with pink clips fastened in her smooth black hair - before anyone else did, wandering unsupervised too close to the wheel of the float in front of us.  Abruptly tripping, falling in the wheel's path--

 

"That child--" Vexen started to say, but I was already scooping her up in my arms.

 

She burst into tears.  I found myself trembling just a little, to my annoyance, since it was involuntary.  Just...realizing how close she had come to harm...the memory of my own tiny sister so strong in my mind....

 

"Boo boo," the child said dolefully, trying to get a look at her bloodied knees.

 

"You'll be all right," I said quietly.  The scrapes were not deep, the blood was smeared widely across her skin but already drying.  I looked around for an adult or older child she should belong to, but no one looked frantic or even concerned.  We were still walking.  I looked back, but though a few people were staring at us in mild, detached concern, no one seemed suitably alarmed.  I don't think anyone other than Vexen and I even realized she had been bleeding; my arms covered most of it.

 

"Who on earth does she belong to?" Vexen was saying in outrage.  "Letting small children run loose like that, completely irresponsible, as if this isn't inconvenient enough without things going _wrong_ on top of that...."

 

The girl raised her head and met my eyes for the first time.  I found myself cringing in anticipation, looking away again.  She gave a little gasp.

 

"Puppy!"

 

_'Why.  WHY does this sort of thing happen to me so often nowadays.  This is Axel's fault.'_

 

The child gurgled in delight and reached up.

 

"Vexen," I said, "I have a suggestion for a future experiment."

 

"What would that be?"

 

"Find out why so many females who 'unlock my doomgaze' try to touch my face directly afterward."

 

"I'll consider it," he said with mild interest, watching as the girl happily patted me with her chubby toddler hands.  I gave her my flag in an attempt to distract her.

 

She was a good-humored child, seeming to forget entirely about her injuries as she played with the flag and with my hair and sash, and eventually got a little too active for me to keep hold of.  We got her to the clinic station none too soon, I was more than half afraid that she would give us the slip before then, despite the fact that both Vexen and I were entirely focused on her.

 

"Puppy!  Play!"  She threw the flag across the grass as if she expected me to fetch it.

 

I sighed heavily.  "Will she be all right?" I asked the nurse who kept eyeing me warily as she rinsed the dried blood from the child's skin.

 

"I should say so, these don't look serious.  Just keep them clean and covered like you'd do with any scrape...."

 

I didn't bother correcting our relation to the child as I went to retrieve the little flag to give back to her.

 

The nurse had just finished bandaging her up when her guardians finally came bursting in on us, a huge man with a blue and purple hat, and a much smaller man wearing a green T-shirt with a huge single eye pictured on the front.

 

"Boo!"

 

" _There_ you are!"

 

 _'Boo?'_   I hadn't thought that any child's name could surpass 'Rox-my-socks' in ridiculousness, but apparently it was possible.

 

"Daddy!  Uncle Mike!" she said happily as they scooped her up and practically smothered her in joyful relief.  Then they rounded on us before we could slip away, but before things could get too awkward or heated, the girl...Boo...wriggled out of her father's arms and trotted over to me.

 

"Puppy, here."  She thrust the flag at me proudly.

 

She was too young to understand, so I accepted it from her and then offered it again, resting across both open palms.  "It's yours.  Take it, Boo."  It was not like I would have any need of the thing in the future.

 

She picked the little flag off my hands, inspected it for a moment, then grinned and waved it in my face.

 

The two men were watching me.  "Who did you fellas say you were again?"

 

"My name is Saïx."

 

"Puppy!"

 

"My friend is Vexen," I said, ignoring Boo's humiliating declarations as best as I could.

 

"Former roommate," Vexen corrected.

 

"Friend."  I looked him in the eye.  "Because if not for me, you wouldn't have _any_ friends, Vexen, so I would advise you to take what you can get."

 

"Hmph, I have no need of friends."

 

"You know what, I used to think that, also.  I don't anymore.  Don't learn it the hard way, Vexen."

 

Boo's father and uncle were still watching us, now exchanging thoughtful looks.  "Saïx and Vexen, eh?"

 

"Much obliged for looking after the munchkin, you know."

 

"You're welcome," I said.

 

Boo threw the flag again.  "Puppy get stick!"

 

I tried not to sigh audibly.

 

"So if you boys don't have any plans, whaddaya say to coming along with us to the company picnic we're having over in Cloudsfair Park?"

 

Which was how I ended up with two strangers, my cranky former roommate, and a little girl named Boo at a picnic for a company I'd never heard of on the Fourth of July.  With Boo sitting in my lap, happily eating a sandwich and dripping blackberry jam all over my clothes, Sully laughing loudly enough to hurt my ears, and Vexen and Mike arguing about something trivial, I raised my phone again to take another picture.

 

 _"I made some new friends.  What do you think?"_ I texted Axel along with the photo.

_"SO PROUD OF U SAISAI!!!"_

_"Shut up."_

 

"Toy?" Boo said interestedly, and I hurriedly lifted my phone out of reach of her sticky fingers.

 

"No, not a toy.  Here, take the sash."

 

"This is why I don't talk to amateurs," Vexen stormed under his breath, pointedly going over to sit on my other side.  "They have no idea what they're talking about."

 

"Vexen, it's a picnic," I told him.  "You're supposed to be enjoying yourself, not getting into fights with your hosts."  I glanced over at the righteously sulking Mike, who seemed to be mollified when Sully offered him some cookies.

 

"Cookie!" Boo shrieked eagerly, and Sully handed me one which I in turn let her have.

 

"Who says I'm not enjoying myself?" Vexen snorted.  "He may be an idiot, but he brought up several valid points which I _need to prove wrong_ , and I think I have an idea of how to go about it...."

 

I smiled a little.  "Happy Independence Day, Vexen."

 

"What?  Oh.  Happy Independence Day, Saïx, or whatever it is you want to hear."

 

"Cookie?" Boo offered, holding one in Vexen's face.  He stared at it.

 

"Just think, Vexen.  You would have never gotten to eaten that cookie if I hadn't dragged you out here to celebrate."

 

"Well, _obviously_."  He plucked the cookie out of Boo's hand.  "I hope you're not expecting me to thank you."

 

"You could thank Boo, at least."

 

"Hmph."

 

"Thank you, Boo," I said for him.

 

"Yay!  Puppy get stick!"  Once more, the flag went sailing out into the grass.

 

"Vexen:  new experiment.  See if we can teach Boo how to say my name properly."

 

"Heh, challenge accepted."

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  **Uh...so I looked it up, and apparently the things that restaurants in my city call "kolaches" are not real kolaches in their country of origin. *sweatdrop*  Basically, kolaches are desserts with fruit fillings, but there are several places where I live that sell sausages in bread and call them "kolaches."**

 

Apparently, Beast's real name is not mentioned anywhere except in some obscure computer game.  It's Adam. XD

 

I seriously need to re-watch _Monsters, Inc._

 

Oh, and THIS actually counts as the first time I've written Vexen positively, since last time was technically Even (whom I like better). ^^  Though...you could argue that I still haven't written _canon_!Vexen positively yet.... *sweatdrop*

Speaking of Vexen, I have a feeling he'll be characterized differently at this point in time in the main series - he's supposed to be closer to Belle and the others, for example.  For this fic, however, I wrote him in a way that was more suitable, which was okay because this is an AU.


	44. Father & Son {Xem}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Father & Son (rough draft)**

 

_For Xemnas/Roxas Day, 13 January 2013_

 

Summary:  Xem learns that divorce doesn't change the number of his children after all.

 

A/N:  Xem's POV.  Roxas is ten years old.

 

I'm kind of nervous about the reception of this one, especially one part in the beginning, but I actually do like it overall....  (I'm posting it a day early because I try to avoid posting fanfiction on Sundays.)  Monday will be Xem & Xion's turn. ^^

 

o.o.o

 

I could not understand why I, of all people, was required to pick up my ex-wife's son from school, but the situation appeared to be that if I didn't leave work to go claim him, Roxas would be cast out into the street, or some such nonsense.  This surely could not be the case, so I was inclined to ignore the request (repeated, from _several_ people) anyway.  However, two of the most insistent people had been my own son and daughter, the former from thousands of kilometers away and the latter from a bus heading to an out-of-town tournament.

 

"He has a brother who is perfectly capable of retrieving him."

 

_"But Axel's at work!"_

 

"So am I."

 

 _"Yeah, but he's out in the middle of nowhere!  You can get Roxas_ so much quicker _."_

 

"Xion, he is no longer my responsibility.  Let his own relatives take care of him."

 

 _"But...."_   She then proceeded to list why every single one of them was unavailable.  _"...and Zidane is sick and Uncle Zack and Aunt Aqua are still out of town and I'm scared to have Vani do it, and no one can get hold of Mom."_

 

"Xion, she is not your mother anymore."  Nor were Lea's siblings-in-law my daughter's aunts and uncles.  I could not understand Xion's persistence in continuing to use inaccurate terms of address.

 

_"Of course she is!  Just because she stopped being your wife doesn't mean she stopped being my mom!"_

 

I supposed I should indulge her in this matter....  I had no substitute to offer her, and I was under the impression that girls were in need of mother figures.  "Regardless, I still don't see why--"

 

 _"Daddy,_ please _.  Pleeeaase, Daddy.  There's no one else.  Roxas has been waiting for_ so long _, the last secretary is about to go home."_

 

I sighed.  "Very well.  Just this once, but I refuse to allow it to become a habit.  If he misses the school bus again, he will take the city bus, or _walk_ home if necessary."

 

When I pulled up in front of the school, Roxas was standing before the doors, accompanied by a woman with a purse over her shoulder who looked fully ready to go straight to her car and drive home.

 

"Is that your dad, honey?" she asked as I got out.

 

"Yup," Roxas said.  "Bye."  He allowed her to embrace him and ruffle his hair, then jogged purposefully over to me and, to my surprise, gave me a tight hug.  Perhaps it was an expression of relief.

 

"What were you doing that made you miss the bus?" I demanded.

 

"Hi, Father.  I love you."  Apparently intending to completely ignore my question, he climbed into the passenger seat.  I was angry for a moment, but then decided it was not worth starting an argument over.  That would do nothing to recoup the time I was wasting.

 

I went around to get back behind the wheel.  "Saïx told me that you moved.  Where should I drop you off?"

 

"I dunno."

 

My eyes narrowed.  "What do you mean, you don't know?"

 

He shrugged.

 

"Roxas," I commanded, "sit up straight and look me in the eye.  I won't tolerate disrespectful mumbling."

 

"I forgot the address," he said, loudly and clearly.

 

Surely not.  "You have not made it a habit to always be truthful with me, Roxas, and I am suspicious of your motives in this situation."

 

"We _just moved_.  I have no idea where we live now."

 

"What area of town is it in, at least?"

 

"Father, I have no freaking idea.  I'll just hang out with you 'til Axel gets off work and can come get me."

 

Roxas had never in his life addressed me as 'Father' before, and this second instance of it was a little unnerving.  "Roxas, I will refrain from pointing out the technical inaccuracy of your address, since I'm sure your reasoning is similar to my daughter's.  But I wish to make it quite clear that I no longer consider myself your stepfather, and I refuse to be held to any obligations you may imagine me bound to."

 

"...I dunno what the heck you just said, but you're always gonna be my father.  You're the only one I've ever had, and I'm not giving you up just because Mom did."

 

I processed this for a moment.  "...I will have to take some time to determine the specific conditions of this situation.  What I said before still stands, however, in that I will never give you any money--"

 

"I don't care."

 

"--or transport you anywhere after today, or, in foreseeable circumstances, visit you."

 

"We'll see about that," he grumbled.

 

"Now.  Back to the matter at hand. I need to know where to take you."

 

"Take me to your house, I don't care."

 

"That is out of the question.  Roxas, I'm going to ask you once more:  where do you live?"

 

"Dunno."

 

"You have one more chance to tell me of your own volition."

 

"I dun--"  He suddenly paused, then turned to face me and braced his hands against the dashboard and the armrest, perhaps guessing what was to come.  "I don't know," he said in a challenging tone.

 

Truly regrettable, what an insolent child he was.  I began to Speak.  _"You must tell me this, for my anger is rising; my power is greater than yours, you are to obey and it will go well with you."_

 

He had dropped his eyes, no longer able to meet mine, and the tension in his body was evident, but he said nothing.

 

_"Why do you resist?  You are young, you are weak, there is fear in your heart, you suffer because you are afraid; yet if you simply give in, you will find relief...."_

 

He was struggling to breathe deeply and evenly.  I kept on, expecting him to break at any moment, but as he kept his silence and trembled and tears began to seep from his eyes, I started to feel like I was being unduly cruel.  He was still a child...this sort of force ought not to be used against one so young....  I also feared that he was not close to breaking after all, that he would continue to endure, that his infuriating stubbornness would sustain him past limits.

 

I released him carefully until he leaned back, breathing hard and looking ill.  I could think of nothing to say to him.  If I'd known how strong his resistance would be, I wouldn't have used this method of persuasion.

 

I began sending text messages to all the boy's relatives whose contact information I knew, asking if they had his current address.  When I felt that Roxas had had sufficient time to recover, I looked back at him.  He was curled in the seat with his back toward me.  "Roxas," I finally said, "fasten your seatbelt."

 

He acted as if I hadn't spoken.

 

"Roxas, I expect you to follow instructions."

 

"What," he said in a low voice, "you gonna doomgaze me again if I don't?"

 

Ordinarily, I would not have tolerated the insolence, but I...still regretted my treatment of him, to some extent.  I myself finally reached over to draw the seatbelt down across him.  He stirred and turned back a little so he could scoot away from me, flinching at my incidental touch.

 

"Stop, I'll do it...."

 

"Will you?"

 

He took hold of the buckle and clasped it.  His shoulders were still hunched and he wouldn't meet my eyes, so on an impulse, I took hold of his face - carefully - and made him look at me.  He apprehensively braced his hands again, which made me feel worse even though I Spoke gently this time, with the intent to soothe.  _"Be at peace, you are strong, but there is no longer need to fight.  No harm is meant for you, there is no reason to fear, be at peace...."_

 

To my surprise, he looked more upset than ever, with tears sliding down his face again, but just as I let go and started to pull away, he reached for me and continued to weep with his face pressed against my arm.  Yet more confirmation that I would never understand my stepsons.  My _former_ stepsons.  "I apologize," I said with as much dignity as I could.  "I did not mean to cause you more distress."

 

"Xem--  Father, do you like me at _all_?  Do you like me even a little bit?  You can't doomgaze like that just now if you hate me, right...?"

 

I took my arm out of his grasp and placed it around his shoulders.  "Roxas, I have never hated you.  I thought that would have been ovi--  ...I thought you knew that."

 

"Don't leave me alone," he whispered.

 

It occurred to me that he meant more than just this current moment.  Not sure what to say, I let go and disengaged the emergency brake in preparation to leave.  Not a single person had responded to any of my messages yet.  "I will have to take you back to work with me.  Tell your brother to pick you up from there.

 

Although he was quiet at first, Roxas soon began to chatter, and did not truly cease during the whole trip and as I checked back in and escorted him to my office.  I Spoke silent warnings to ward off anyone who looked curious but had no business knowing who the boy was, and I explained to those who did, "He is my former wife's son.  Circumstances were unavoidable, but he will not be here for long."

 

"Xem is my father," Roxas would promptly declare each time, taking my hand.  "He's taking care of me because he's a really good dad."  Which meant that I could not refute his claim without making myself look bad.

 

"I assure you, he will disrupt no one's work but my own," was the best I could manage.

 

I had a small desk and a chair brought up to my office so that Roxas could do his homework, and then a swivel chair when he insisted and I saw little profit in arguing with him.  He wasted time playing with said chair until I threatened to take it away.  Then he procrastinated on his homework until I used the Speech to motivate him, but he had not been working on it for very long before he needed help (or so he claimed).  We wasted much time in this way, and even when I thought he had _finally_ settled down long enough for me to focus on my own work, he was back again.

 

"Hey, Father, I forgot I wanted to show you this."

 

He laid a set of stapled papers on my desk.

 

"Roxas--"

 

 _"My Inspirational Figure,"_ he began to read aloud, leaning on my shoulder.  _"I actually have lots of inspirational figures so it was hard to pick, but I'm writing about Xem now because he and Mom divorced and she said I'm never gonna see him again, so I miss him, but I can see Axel and Saïx and everyone else any time I want."_

 

"How often are you in contact with Saïx?" I wondered.

 

"A lot.  _Well, not every time I want because Saïx is stupid and goes to school really far away and mom gets mad when I talk about him, but everyone else is close._

_"So Xem is my father.  Not my dad, because I already have a dad, but he's dead so I can't really see him.  I miss him too, even though I don't really remember him.  He was cool._

_"Xem's not really cool, or nice, but he's really smart, and he can do whatever he wants.  Saïx said that an inspirational figure is someone you wanna be like or who makes you want to be a better person.  I don't really want to be like Xem, but he's my father so I miss him.  I thought I hated him because he was strict and didn't let us do stuff, but now I remember that he'd take us fun places sometimes even though he hated it, because he and Saïx are weird and hate fun things but they go with us because they love us._

_"Xem's rich and he always bought me everything I wanted, except a tattoo because he said I wasn't allowed, but my cousin Van who's a jerk got a tattoo when he was ten so it's not fair that I can't have one too.  But I'm not too mad because I'll just get one when I'm 18, and Xem got me everything else.  Sometimes they'd get boring after a while, but it wasn't boring playing with Xem.  Xion knows how to make him play, and he's good at everything else but he's bad at games, so it's fun because we always win.  Then we give him ice cream to make up for it, and Xion makes him eat the ice cream too, and I like it because when he's eating ice cream sometimes he says things with his eyes, happy things not doomgazing._

_"Mom says he's evil and he hates us, but I don't think that's true because she says the same thing about Saïx and Saïx loves us, he can't lie because every time we see him his eyes say I missed you I missed you I missed you so much I'm so glad to see you so hard that it kind of hurts, but in a good way, like when Xion hugs me so tight I feel like my head's gonna pop off.  Saïx doesn't hug us a lot, but his eyes do, you know._

_"But Xem is my inspirational figure because he's my father and I wish he'd come back.  I haven't seen him for ages.  I even kind of miss his doomgaze because when he's doomgazing he's there, and he can't doomgaze when he's not there, and I haven't seen Saïx in ages too, because he's a jerk and I wish he'd gone to the same school Axel did, but he didn't because he's a goody two shoes and he went to the school Xem told him to go to.  I wish my family was together again._  My hand hurt after writing all that, and it was the _longest one_ in the whole class, but I got a B on it.  By the way, I changed my mind, I still hate your stupid doomgaze because it hurts and you're mean, but I'm still glad you came and picked me up from school."

 

He made no transition between reading and speaking, so it took me a moment to realize that the essay was complete.  "Roxas...."  I had intended to start pointing out the numerous spelling and grammatical errors, as well as suggestions for improving his writing style and how to actually answer the prompt, which he had failed to do for the most part.

 

Then I saw the grade at the top.  Which I didn't think was merited, but in any case, this composition had already served its purpose.  He had not shown it to me for the sake of receiving assistance, he had shown it to me because....

 

I looked up at him to make certain, taking his hands and drawing him around so I could see him better.  In his face was apprehension, anxiety, and a half-hopeless desperation for approval.

 

"Roxas," I said instead, "I am very honored that you chose me as the topic of your assignment."

 

He gripped my hands and leaned close to lay his face against my shoulder, not saying anything.

 

"...I didn't realize you would miss me so much."

 

"You're my father," he whispered.  "I need you."

 

I believed him, but it was difficult to think of anything to say.  In the end, I simply put an arm around him and held him until he could compose himself.

 

However, he had not done so before my office door creaked open and my elder former stepson looked inside.  "Hello," I said, expecting him to come and claim his brother immediately.

 

"You need me to go flirt with the secretary downstairs some more?" he asked instead.

 

"Yes," Roxas mumbled into my shoulder.

 

"'Kay.  See you in a bit, Xem."  Axel shut the door again, pretending not to hear when I tried to call him back.  "How long has he been here?!"

 

"I dunno."  Roxas straightened and patted my head.  "He's not here anymore."

 

"Roxas!"

 

"Mom'll freak out if she finds out where I've been, so let's not waste time.  I don't know when I'll get to see you gain."

 

"Roxas."

 

"I can help you with your work like you helped me with mine."

 

"No, you can't, this is entirely different."  Well, actually....  "Never mind.  Take the files in this pile and put them in alphabetical order according to the name on this line.  That would be significantly helpful.  I presume you know the alphabet?"

 

"Of course I do!"

 

"Very well, then I expect your best work."

 

"Yes, sir," he said happily.

 

With my youngest son's assistance, and later my eldest's as well, I gained back some of the time I had lost, and was able to leave the office much earlier than expected.


	45. Useful Ability {Saix}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Useful Ability (rough draft)**

 

Summary:  A doomgaze is a handy thing to have for this job.

 

A/N:  Not sure how old Saïx is here, but he's graduated from college and has mastered the Speech by now.

 

o.o.o

 

Miranda has an inexplicable fondness for my class, and I suppose myself as well, which is why she nearly always comes straight here after eating even though it's usually still my conference period.

 

I looked up when I heard the door creak open, and watched her shyly peek her head inside.

 

"Hello?"

 

"Hello, Miranda."

 

Grinning broadly, she came inside and stood before me, rocking slightly from foot to foot.  Her hair was quite untidy and she had some stains on the shoulder of her white uniform, but I did not mind much.  She can be challenging to work with at times, but she is by far the most good-natured and eager-to-please of my students, which I do not take for granted.

 

"Are you busy?"

 

"A little."  I didn't want to lie, but I did not want to make her feel unwelcome, either.

 

"...Oh."  She hasn't realized yet that I'm _always_ busy....  "Did you have a good lunch?" she asked, as usual.

 

"Yes, I did.  Thank you for asking," I replied, also as usual.

 

She smiled again.  "So did I!"

 

"What did you eat?" I asked obligingly.

 

"Enchiladas," she said proudly.  "And Jell-o, the red kind.  It was good!"

 

"I am glad to hear that."

 

After an awkward pause, she shuffled to the side to set her things down on her desk, which was in the corner of the room close to mine.  I did not return to work, since there was more left to this ritual.  Sure enough, she suddenly jerked her head up and asked apprehensively, "Hug?"

 

"Just one, Miranda," I said, standing up.

 

Beaming again, she came and wrapped her arms around me.  I held her for a moment.  When she tightened her grip and started playfully jerking at me, I set my hands on her shoulders and pushed her back.  "All right, Miranda.  Finished."

 

"Hi, Mr. Acerbi."

 

"Hello, Miranda."

 

"You had a good lunch?"

 

"Yes."

 

She smiled at me.

 

"Why don't you sit down and wait for the bell to ring," I finally suggested.

 

"Okay."

 

"Do you have your assignment from last time?"

 

She looked at me.

 

"The anecdote."  I was having my classes practice college application essays, but I have to modify assignments for Miranda and the other special needs students.  "Writing about a meaningful experience.  You are supposed to turn it in today."

 

"The paper?"

 

"Look for it, Miranda."

 

Her expression was dubious, which was not encouraging, but she obediently opened her binder and started rummaging through the papers inside it.

 

The bell rang a few moments later, and I went out for hall duty as students started transitioning between classes and heading to or from lunch.  I will never understand why they have to be so _noisy_ as they do so, since walking is not a verbal activity, and there is absolutely no reason why anything should be airborne.

 

As my students entered the room, some stalked past me as if I didn't exist; others came in chattering with their friends, also behaving as if I didn't exist; still others greeted me, usually at an excessive volume.

 

"Yo, teach."

 

"We doing anything today?"

 

"No, Carlos, you simply come to school to do nothing and waste your parents' tax dollars," I said coldly, Speaking _"Get in the classroom and prepare to work"_ as I did so.

 

"Hey, he mind-read me!" Carlos called triumphantly to the class in general.

 

"'Sup, Acerbiiii!"

 

"Hey, lemme go to the restroom real quick, it's just right there!"

 

"You are given plenty of time to take care of such business during the passing period; if you are not seated in my class by the time the bell rings, you will be marked tardy."

 

"Awwww!"

 

I have been telling them things of this sort EVER SINCE THE SCHOOL YEAR STARTED, they should KNOW THIS BY NOW.  Unfathomable.

 

The bell soon rang and I swept back inside, swinging the door firmly shut as I did so.  "Class has STARTED, Jessica and Eugene your Warm-ups should be _on your desks in progress_ , Orlando if that gum is not in the trash can by the end of roll call you _will_ be going straight to the vice-principal's office--"

 

"I found it, Mr. Acerbi!" Miranda cried joyfully, running up to me waving (what I hoped was) her anecdote in one hand.

 

"Sit down, Miranda."

 

"This...?"

 

"Thank you for finding it, Miranda, but please sit down and work on your Warm-up right now until I finish roll."  I had to nudge her with the Speech before she reluctantly returned to her seat, eyes fixed urgently on me.  The instructional assistant, Mrs. Ramsey, slipped in as I was taking attendance, and I tried to ignore the sound of Miranda whispering passionately to her.

 

"...And Joshua, you're here," I eventually finished, marking off his name.  I looked over at the side of the classroom.  "Orlando, V.P., now."

 

"I didn't do nothin'!"

 

Having no patience for this sort of thing, I Spoke _"YOU ARE IN TROUBLE,"_ and he immediately got up to take the pass I handed him and headed for the door with his head hanging - though I noticed that he did not dispose of his rule violation on the way out.

 

I went over the Warm-up answer with them as quickly as possible and then continued, "All right.  Put those away, essay drafts out, they are due at the end of the period.  I will be walking around to assist where needed; are there any questions?"

 

As soon as I stopped by Miranda's desk, she burst out at me, "I found it!  I found it, Mr. Acerbi, I finished!"

 

"Don't wave it around like that," I said, failing to catch hold of it.  She smiled and pressed the paper against my stomach, finally allowing me to grasp and read it.

 

_catnis has a bou shes good at shooting she shot the bad guis.  ther called the hunger games.  if you eat the poyzon berrys you die, a lot of peepul die its sad.  the litul girl her name is roo catnis sang the song to her and they were mad.  I want to be like catnis.  this is a good story.  but the bad man dident die.  mom says thers going to be another movie.  I like this movie but it has a sad ending I hop ther's another wone and catnis is a good girl and brave shes pretty._

 

"...This is a very good extra credit piece," I finally decided, laying the paper aside.  "Thank you, Miranda."  How to do this....  "Miranda."

 

"I did a good job?" she said hopefully.

 

"You did well at practicing your writing.  Now, Miranda, I need you to listen carefully.  Your assignment is to write an anecdote."  I had told her several times this week, yet....  "Do you know what an anecdote is?"

 

"Yes."

 

"What is an anecdote?"

 

She gazed at me as if hoping to find the answer in my expression.

 

"Miranda."  She wasn't blinking.  " _Miranda_."  She twitched a little and re-focused on me.  "Miranda, are you listening?"

 

"Yes, sir."

 

"Miranda, an anecdote is a story about something that happened to you.  You need to write about an experience that had significant meaning to you."

 

Her face seemed so blank, tinged with a faint desire to please and nothing more, not a trace of comprehension.  I wondered how she was hearing what I was trying to tell her.  "Miranda."

 

"Mr. Acerbi, did you have a good day?"

 

"Miranda, I need you to listen."

 

"Did you have a good day?" she repeated, more urgent now.

 

"Yes, Miranda, I have been having a good day.  Miranda, did you hear me explain to you what an anecdote is?"

 

She silently fiddled with the edge of one of her papers.

 

"Miranda," I said slowly, "did you have a good day?"

 

"Yes," she burst out, sounding relieved.

 

"Miranda, I would like to try something."  I held her hands.  "Look into my eyes."  She did so trustingly, and I Spoke as gently and clearly as I could.  _"An anecdote is a story about an experience that had meaning to you.  I need you to write down an event that happened to you which you find to be important."_   She blinked, her eyes widening.  _"This is your assignment.  Take the pencil and write down a true story."_

 

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" she exclaimed, far too loudly.

 

I reached out to rest a hand on her head.  "Do you know what to do now?"

 

"I'm gonna write a story!"

 

"An experience which was meaningful to you."

 

"I'm gonna write this for you, Mr. Acerbi!"

 

"You are writing it for a grade, Miranda.  I want very much for you to learn this."

 

"I'm learning."

 

"You're very smart, Miranda."

 

She smiled.  "Have a good day, Mr. Acerbi."

 

"Do your best, Miranda."

 

As I moved throughout the classroom, I noticed from time to time that Miranda was writing furiously, with Mrs. Ramsey at her side offering the occasional instruction.  When I was stooping over Flyn's desk, trying to explain to him that 'pyrotechnics' referred to fireworks and was not something one could earn a degree in at any schools I knew of, I was startled to be seized from behind in an enthusiastic embrace.

 

"Mr. Acerbi, I finished!"

 

"Give me just a moment, Miranda," I grunted, trying to pry her arms off of me.

 

_we went to brigtoun wonderland it was fun.  mom and me and jason and ileana, we rod the bus ther and it was a long way but we played tik tak toe it was fun mom brout chips.  the lady said I look pretty its becuz I had a new nekless, my brother rollie gave it to me he's geting marryed.  the park is big we went to take pichurs thers big stachus ther like lions all gray mom said I can tam any lion Im strong like catnis.  we went on the spining sasers mom got sick but it was fun, I dident get sick.  we sat on a bench and wen she got beter we went and had ice cream and I got a winner stick.  the lady said I can get free tokens becuz of my winner stick I played the game in the store I won a ber with a hart jason said it wasent fer but I gav it to ileana becuz shes litul and Im her big sister.  we met baloo the ber he took a pichur with me, jason says hes just a guy playing dressup but its really baloo, I like him a lot.  we peted the animals ther so cool my favrit is the gout it aet food in my hand.  we saw a show were ther dansing the ladys relly pretty she let me com on stage and sing with her I was famus evryone claped for me Im going to be a singer wen I gro up.  we saw the lit show its colors on the sky thats my favrit part.  we had fun Im glad we went weer going to go after crismas mom said.  mister Acerbi its a good plas you can com with us nex tim.  I did a story that haped to me I did good._

 

"Excellent work, Miranda."

 

"I did good?"

 

"You did very well."

 

She cocked her head warily.  "I did good?"

 

"You did good," I gave in, trying to reinforce the sentiment with the Speech so that she would stop asking.

 

She smiled.

 

"Right now, Miranda, your grade is 90% A."

 

"One hundred A plus," she said softly, looking at the grades I had written on the board for her sake.

 

"I would like you to earn a 100% A+ as well.  You're almost there, Miranda; can you do it?"

 

"One hundred A plus."

 

"It is simply a matter of letting Mrs. Ramsey help you with the editing.  Can you do this, Miranda?"

 

"I get a good grade."

 

"Right now, yes, you have a good grade.  You will earn a top grade soon, just focus for a bit longer."

 

"...Did you have a good day?"

 

"First work, then one hundred A plus."

 

"One hundred A plus."

 

"First work."

 

"I can work and get a hundred A plus?"

 

"Yes, Miranda, very good."

 

She smiled.  "I'm doing good."

 

"Yes.  Mrs. Ramsey, will you please go over the spelling and grammar with her?  Miranda, I'll show you the grade at the end of class."

 

"One hundred A plus."

 

"Yes.  Keep going, Miranda, you're almost done.  Mrs. Ramsey will help you."

 

Once the assignment was correctly spelled and as coherent as it was ever going to get, I took a red marker and wrote "100% A+" at the top of paper as Miranda watched, which seemed to please her.  Then, feeling ridiculous pulling sparkling fantasy stickers out of my desk but determined to trust Xion's...feminine instincts, I offered Miranda her choice of them.

 

To my relief, her eyes lit up.  "The stickers?"

 

"Choose one, Miranda."

 

"One for me?"

 

"Pick whichever you like."

 

"A unicorn?"

 

I peeled it off and handed it to her.

 

"It's pretty!"

 

"Put it on your work, Miranda.  You've earned it."

 

"For me?"

 

I helped her place the sticker on her paper, which she then held close to her face to admire during the remaining few minutes of class.

 

"I'm proud of you, Miranda."

 

"It's a unicorn," she said happily, touching it with gentle fingers.

 

The bell soon rang and I went to take my place at the door, jostled by students exiting the room.  I was a little startled when Miranda came after them and wrapped her free arm tightly around me.  "I love you, Mr. Acerbi!"

 

"Er...I'm rather fond of you, too, Miranda."

 

"Have a good day, Mr. Acerbi!"

 

"Have a good day, Miranda."  I released a quiet sigh of relief as I watched her move down the hall with her escort.  Challenging sometimes, yes, but the times I _can_ get through to her, to any of them - it's what keeps me going, and I find that I truly do love it.

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  The Speech is more a form of communication than it is anything else.

 

Saïx has high standards.... XD  I have to tweak Miranda's writing in the final draft; I think Mrs. Ramsey should be more familiar with Sai by now and helped with more of the initial spelling, instead of just the few words Miranda asked about.

 

**Miranda is a random OC; her personality/behavior was not based on anyone specific, and her name was just the first one that came to mind.**

 

In my local schools, they've started integrating more of their special ed students into general ed classes rather than keeping them all separate.  So, like, a teacher will have a classroom with however many general ed students and however many special ed students, and there will be an instructional assistant or co-teacher in the room for extra support.

 

**There's a fic I started back in, like, February, which addresses the special ed thing in a lot more detail.  If you're involved with special ed in any way, such as having a sibling with special needs or a parent who teaches in a special ed classroom or something, um...just a heads-up, I guess?  I really hope I don't offend anybody whenever I'm able to finish and post that fic. ._.**

 

**And PLEASE don't be offended by this fic, either - I _know_ it's not easy, you can't just look into their eyes and magically transfer comprehension, but I didn't write this as any sort of commentary, I wrote it because it was practically writing itself in my head and I thought it would be interesting to see how StepsibsSaix would interact with a special needs student. :/**

 

Again, I feel like my stuff has been less than brilliant these days, but if I don't write the ideas that come to me, they keep bugging me until I do write them, so.... *sigh*  Usually I try to distract you with large updates so the lower quality stuff gets lost in the shuffle, but people seem to be favoring "more frequent yet smaller updates" in the poll so far, so I might try this for a while.  _Might_.


	46. Luna Diviner, Adulthood Years - Smile (theme 94) {Saix}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl; 100 theme challenge by Wishing-Fire**

**94\. Smile (age 24) [rough draft]**

 

Summary:  Saïx's dad gets a glimpse of how Saïx makes a living.

 

A/N:  FTR, all the other drabbles I've written for this challenge so far are real drabbles, no more than a few hundred words each.  (They're currently unposted, though I hope to post the first installment soon.)  This one, though...long enough for a one-shot, so I'm posting it separately. *sweatdrop*

 

*Miranda's in this one again.  Also, I commissioned Escria on devART - I had to use an OC, and Miranda was pretty much the only acceptable one I had, so it ended up being a scene from _Useful Ability_.  I've linked to the picture on both my LJ and DevArt profiles.  I got the plot bunny for "Smile" and started writing it a couple of weeks ago, but I suddenly drafted the rest of it so quickly because I want to commission Escria again - she seems to have a lot of open slots, her art is beautiful, she drew Saïx so lovely, and she got Miranda _perfect_ despite the fact that I didn't have a clear mental picture of her and so couldn't give very good physical descriptions!

 

o.o.o

 

I have no earthly idea why my father would decide to attend a high school awards ceremony where everyone except myself was a stranger to him, but...here we are.

 

"...and the final merit award," I said clearly into the microphone, "goes to Miranda Cisneros."

 

Amidst the applause, she came bounding onstage so quickly that I was genuinely afraid she was going to fall, with those shoes of hers.  However, she made it safely to where I stood and beamed at me as I tried to hand her the certificate.  "Take it, Miranda."

 

"I won!"

 

"Yes. You've done very well this year, Miranda."

 

"I did good, Mr. Acerbi!"

 

"Yes, very."  I took her hand to close her fingers around her award, and was startled when she hugged me.

 

"We won!"

 

"The award is for _you_ , I'm simply handing out certificates...."

 

She reached for the microphone, prompting both her mother and I to catch her hand.  "Come along, now, Miranda," her mother said.

 

"I wanna tell everyone that Mr. Acerbi's the best teacher!"

 

"Oh, no, love, we have to go sit down now."

 

"But--!"

 

 _"Miranda,"_ I Spoke, and she instantly turned her head to meet my eyes, expression alight with curiosity.  _"It is not fair to keep the next class waiting while we take more time than we were allotted."_

 

"Ohhh...we have to be nice to the other people."

 

"Yes."

 

"Have to take turns."

 

"Take turns, Miranda."

 

"It's their turn," she told her mother, beaming.

 

"Yes, dear, now come along."

 

"You did a good job, Mr. Acerbi!"

 

"Thank you, Miranda."

 

After the ceremony, I caught sight of my father in the crowd and started making my way toward him, but was distracted when a burst of aromatic color was thrust at my face.  "These are for you, Mr. Acerbi!"

 

"Miranda?"

 

"Mom said give them to you."

 

"These flowers?"  Not sure what else to do, I accepted the bouquet that was bundled into my arms.  "Isn't this something that would normally be given to a woman...?"

 

"Mr. Acerbiiiii!"

 

I looked around to find Amaris and Jessica quickly approaching with a young man in tow, and was annoyed when someone else slung an arm around my neck.  "Personal space, Carlos."

 

"Personal space?  What's that?" he teased.

 

"Mr. Acerbi!  We're gonna MISS YOU!" Jessica insisted as soon as she was close enough to not have to shout to be heard amongst the noisy bustle of the crowd.

 

"It has been an interesting year," I conceded.

 

"Hey, Mr. Acerbi," Amaris said eagerly, "this is my boyfriend, Jacob!  Isn't he gorgeous?"

 

I Spoke wordless _exasperation_ at her, making her giggle.

 

"Dude!" Jacob exclaimed, "He really does do some kinda glowy eye mind reading thing!"

 

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I said firmly, eyeing my father watching us from nearby.  "I'm pleased to make your acquaintance, but I'm afraid I must be--"

 

"Oooh, Mr. Acerbi, pleeeaase can I have a flower?" Jessica begged.

 

I glanced at Miranda.  I could care less about the fate of the bouquet and would, indeed, be glad to get rid of it, but her feelings were higher priority.  "It's up to Miranda."

 

"Oooh!"  The girls started in with the higher-pitched, motherly tone they tended to use with her.  "You gave Mr. Acerbi flowers, Miranda?"

 

"He's a good teacher," she said proudly.  "Mom says you thank people who do good job."

 

"Awww, _who_ did a good job?" Carlos baby-talked me playfully, as if talking to a puppy.

 

"Get your arm off my neck before I resort to drastic measures."

 

"Aw, I was just kiddin', sir, I was just kidding...."  Though he was still grinning, he removed his arm hastily enough.

 

"Miranda, the girls would like to share the flowers."

 

She cocked her head.  "Share?"

 

"Is it all right with you if I let each of them have one?"

 

"The flowers?"

 

I detached one blossom from the rest.  "One for Jessica.  One for Amaris.  One for Miranda."  I had to say it, though I was reluctant.  "One for me."

 

"Ohhhh...share?"

 

"Pleeeeaaase, Miranda?" both girls begged.

 

She beamed.  "We share!  Flowers."

 

"Yaaay!  Thank you, Miranda!" they squealed, hugging her.

 

Amaris took an extra one for her boyfriend, then Carlos, grinning, reached for the last.

 

"HEY!" the girls protested, "Get away, Carlos, that one's Mr. Acerbi's!"

 

"I don't--" I started, but they were already tussling, and within seconds, the blossom was shredded on the floor.

 

"NOOOOO, MR. ACERBI'S FLOWERRRR!"

 

Miranda stared at me with wide eyes.

 

"I _really_ don't--" I quickly tried again, but Jacob was already taking the flower back out of his pocket and sticking it into mine.  Miranda lovingly moved it up into my hair, and I managed to restrain my protest to a wordless sigh.  "Someone clean up that mess, the auditorium floor is not a trash can."

 

"Aw, the janitors'll get it."

 

 _"Take pride in your school and be responsible,"_ I ordered silently, then when the girls started to drop down to pick up the fallen petals, _"I WAS ADDRESSING YOU ALLEGED MEN."_

 

"Hey, babe, I'll get that for you," Jacob said hurriedly, falling to his knees and scooping the petals off the floor and out of his girlfriend's hands.

 

"Aww, you're so sweet, hon," Amaris said, kissing his cheek.

 

"Clean up, everywhere," Miranda remarked happily.

 

"Hey!" Jessica exclaimed, "Let's get a picture!"

 

The girls squealed in delight and immediately pounced on me.  Carlos did not hesitate to strike a pose with us (undoubtedly giving me 'rabbit ears,' though there wasn't much I could do about it...), and, after a slightly dubious pause, Jacob shrugged and joined in.  Amaris tugged Miranda close to complete our group.  "Say cheeeese!"

 

The first picture did not capture all of us, since Jessica could not hold her phone far enough away.  "We need someone to take the picture!"

 

"I'll do it," Jacob offered.

 

"NO!" Amaris said at once.  "Someone else!"  She looked around quickly.  The crowd had thinned by now to a few clumps of people like ourselves, lingering to chat.  My father was more easily noticeable.  "WHOA!"

 

Everyone's attention was immediately on him.

 

"IT'S ANOTHER ONE!" Amaris shrieked in surprised delight.

 

"Dude!" Carlos shouted gleefully.  "Alien invasion, take cover~!"

 

Father narrowed his eyes at me.

 

 _"They're exaggerating,"_ I Spoke quickly.  _"I've never admitted to anything or given them anything they can prove--"_

_disapproval_

_"_ You _try teaching, then, if you think it's so easy to resist using this curse for the ONE THING it's ever been useful for--!"_

 

"ZOMG THEY'RE LIKE DOING TELEPATHY!!!"

 

"Awesome!" Carlos crowed.

 

I closed my eyes in defeat.

 

"Hey!" Jessica cried, eagerly thrusting her phone at my father, "Take the picture for us!"

 

He stared at her.  "I beg your pardon?"

 

"Pleeeeaase?" Amaris cooed.

 

"Be a nice alien and take the picture," Carlos urged.

 

" _What_ did you call me?"

 

"Father," I said, "they are very persistent.  Please humor them before--"

 

"ZOMG HE'S YOUR _DAD_!?!?!?!"

 

Ugh.

 

I felt a strange mixture of humiliation and smugness as it became apparent that my father had no idea how to use the phone to take a photograph.  The girls instructed him rather gleefully, and after a few tries, he finally managed to capture a shot of the six of us together, which Jessica eagerly sent to the others.

 

As they were all hunched over their phones, Miranda tugged my hand and pointed.  "Look, Mr. Acerbi.  Flowers everywhere."

 

It made me smile slightly.  "There certainly are, Miranda."  It was a little uplifting, seeing those bright spots of color spread out rather than confined to just one place.

 

"Awesome," Amaris finally said.  She turned to my father with a grin.  "For a clueless alien, you take good pictures."

 

"You will kindly refrain from insulting me from now on," he said coldly.

 

She winced a little in response to the Speech.  "Sheesh, Mr. Acerbi, no wonder you turned out so grumpy."

 

"Pardon?"

 

Jessica had grasped my sleeve and appeared to be using me as a shield, though she still smiled at my father.  "He's kind of scary, but he's prettier than you, Mr. Acerbi."

 

I did not expect to see a flash of _surprise pleasure indignation_ before my father regained his composure.  I had rarely ever seen him lose control like that, and usually only in response to Jasmine or Axel's female relatives.

 

"Whooooaaaa," all the children gasped in awed unison.

 

" _So_ cool."

 

"Man, I want magic talking eyes, too!  Where'd you guys get them?"

 

"From JCPenney, duh," Amaris giggled playfully.

 

"Saïx, _what_ have you been telling them?" Father said in exasperation.

 

"Father, they're teenagers.  They come up with it all themselves."  It was strange to realize that I was actually more familiar with and comfortable in this arena than my father was.  I hadn't expected such a thing to ever happen.

 

Father gave me a long look.  Then he finally said, "Very well."

 

"Hey," Amaris asked him, "how old are you, anyway?"

 

"Mr. Acerbi's daddy," Miranda said dolefully, "no more flowers...."

 

"I can assure you, Miranda," I said quickly, "he will be perfectly fine without one."

 

They all eventually wandered off, though Carlos, the last to start leaving, suddenly wheeled back to face me.  "Oh!  Hey, Acerbi!"

 

"How many times do I have to tell you that I don't answer to--"

 

He was ignoring me, pulling papers out of his pocket.  One was a crumpled wad that I recognized as his report card from last semester, the one where his nearly failing grade had prompted his mother to start sending him in for tutoring.  This he shoved back into his pocket in order to unfold a more recent (and better cared for) report card, the one that had just been issued yesterday.  "I wanted to show you," he said, stabbing his finger at the 93% grade he had earned in my class, "this _sucks_."

 

I raised an eyebrow.  Students like him rarely shared my own standards, and he had in the past envied students with grades in the 80-89% range.

 

"Thanks to YOU and my MOM, I barely got to play Halo this whole semester!"

 

"My heart bleeds for you," I said in my driest tone.  Yet I could see how proud of himself he was behind the exaggerated indignation, and I set a hand on his shoulder.  "Do you see now how rewarding it is to work hard and keep your focus?"

 

"I'm pulling an all-nighter this weekend, I'm gonna make up for the _whole semester_."

 

"...Well, you have been investing many hours in your studies, I suppose you can now afford to waste one night on video games."

 

"I pwned your freaking class, Acerbi."

 

_"Respect, Carlos."_

 

"Mr. Acerbi," he amended, still insistent.

 

"Your performance was outstanding," I granted him, and he smiled at me before turning to walk away, satisfied.

 

We were alone now.  I stopped myself from fiddling with the flower in my hair, realized that there was no need to keep it there, and pulled it out.

 

"Saïx."

 

It was difficult to keep from flinching.  _'You are a grown man,'_ I told myself in disgust.  _'Face him like one.'_

 

What I saw and heard surprised me.  "You've done quite well, haven't you," he said.

 

For the first time, I realized that my father has a good smile.

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  The "spreading flowers around town" thing is an idea I got from a "Sesame Street" book. ^^;

 

The students are all random OCs with random names.


	47. ~Light-Kissed Waves - Curiosity (theme 1) {Roxas}

Stepsiblings: Light-Kissed Waves

A Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl, drabble challenge by Wishing-Fire

Summary:  Roxas & Naminé's story in the _Stepsiblings_ universe, written for Wishing-Fire's Memories challenge.

Introduction:  I'd originally planned to do the four siblings' love stories as multi-chapters, but eventually realized that if I waited until I had the time and energy to devote to that, they'd never be finished. *sweatdrop*  So then I figured that I'd do Wishing-Fire's Memories challenge for each of them instead, then fill in the remaining gaps with random stories where needed.

**Curiosity (theme 1) [rough draft]**

 

Summary:  Roxas makes a friend on his first day of high school.

 

A/N:  AU because Zexion's supposed to be in medical research, but that was too hard for me to write, so I went with something that was much easier to look up. X'D

 

Roxas's POV.  (I think this is the first time I've written teenage StepsibsRox in first person. 8O)

 

o.o.o

 

I asked Axel what clique I should be in when I start high school, and he laughed and said it doesn't really work like that.  I asked Xion what clique she's in at her school, and she said she didn't know.  I asked Saïx, and he said to forget about ridiculous stereotypes and focus on my studies.

 

Whatever.  I guess I'll find out on my own.

 

I don't know how to feel as I'm waiting for the bus, so I give up trying to feel anything.  Both Axel and Mom wanted to wait for the bus with me, but I told them to get lost because I'm not a baby.

 

The bus finally comes, and I take a deep breath and climb up the steps and look around.  There's not that many kids, and some people look at me but don't say anything, and some people ignore me, and finally I just sit down in the closest seat.  The driver shuts the door and drives away.  I remember when me and Xion were little and we went to pick up Axel and Saïx from school, and I smile at the memory.  I freaking miss Xion.  I wish we could be going to school together, like we're supposed to.

 

When we get to school, I look at the other kids getting off the bus and wonder if I should follow them, but they get lost in the crowd of people hanging out talking to each other all over the school courtyard.  I look around again and wonder if I should go up to someone and start hanging out with them and talking to them, too.

 

The thing is, all the other kids seem like they have walls around them, like Saïx's doomgaze:  _"Don't come close.  We don't want anyone new."_   I try talking to some of them anyway, but they pretty much just give me weird looks and wander off, or stare at me until I give up and walk away.  What is with these people?

 

 _Finally_ I see someone who'll let me in.  She has _"Stay away"_ walls, too, but she's alone and she doesn't have all those too-pretty girls surrounding her like guards.  I mean, she's pretty, but she doesn't have makeup caked all over her face like a Barbie doll.  There's plenty of room to sit next to her on the grass, so I do.

 

She looks up from her notebook and stares at me.

 

"Are you a nerdy girl who's gonna have a makeover and end up with the guy?"

 

"Um...what?"

 

Siiiigh.  "You know.  The girl who's not as pretty and doesn't care about boys and does interesting stuff, then stuff happens and people lie to her and they go shopping and put makeup on her and stuff so she's super-pretty but she doesn't look anything like her old self and doesn't act anything like her old self and she and the guy go out and have a fight and break up and then get back together again after he runs through the street and almost wrecks his car and catches her right before she gets on the plane and they kiss and HOPEFULLY that's the end, but sometimes not."

 

"...I think I saw that movie," she finally says.  "Did you like it?"

 

"NO.  Most boring movie EVER."  Well, maybe that's not true.  "No, most girl movies are boring, I can't pick which one was worst.  But the one about the girl with the pig nose was cool."

 

"I...I haven't seen very many movies."

 

"Oh.  What do you do, then?"

 

She looks really nervous.  She looks down at her notebook, then covers it even more with her hands and says, "I...um...I like seeing science experiments."

 

"Science experiments?"  She doesn't look like that kind of girl, but oh well.  "What kind of experiments?"

 

"Well...my father is working on something right now...seeing if cell phone radiation has any effect on honeybee travel patterns."

 

" _Huh_?"

 

"Sorry...."

 

"For what?"

 

"What?"

 

"What are you sorry for?"

 

"I-It's just - that was a weird thing to say, wasn't it?"

 

"What do cell phones have to do with bees?"

 

"I don't know, that's what he's trying to find out.  There's a honeybee crisis, you know.  They're dying out, but we really need them to pollinate many of the crops we rely on, so...he's helping in some research to try to figure out how to stop them dying."

 

"Whoa."  She's interesting.  I scoot closer.  She hugs her notebook tighter and looks away.  "So you're not scared of bees?"

 

"Not really."

 

"Good.  I hate it when girls scream, like because of something stupid like a bug."

 

"I'm sorry...."

 

"Why?  Do you scream about bugs?"

 

"Um...sometimes?"

 

"Oh."  Why is she holding her notebook so tight?  "What's in that notebook?"

 

"What?!"

 

"Your notebook."  I try to pull it out of her hands, but she gasps and scoots away before I can see it.  "Come on.  Is it a diary?"

 

"N-No.  No, it's not.  It's just homework."

 

"You have homework before school even started?!"

 

"...."

 

"What are you so scared of, anyway?  I'm not gonna eat you."

 

"I know," she whispers.

 

...I don't think anyone's ever been scared of me before.  I've seen them be scared of Saïx, but...huh.  I kinda know how he feels now....  I'm not _trying_ to hurt her, geez.  "Fine, I won't look at your notebook."

 

"Thank you...."

 

I take out a notebook from my own backpack and start drawing.  I meant to look around and draw something I could see, but I'm already drawing Xion.  Xion Xion Xion, I miss her _so much_.

 

"Who is she?" the girl asks softly.

 

"My sister.  I miss her."  I look at my picture for a while.  I add some ponies, because she likes ponies, but it doesn't help.  I look at my picture some more and want to cry.  We're supposed to be going to the _same school_ , but because Mom and Father but especially Mom are so _stupid stupid stupid_ , I lost my sister.

 

There's a ripping sound, and I look back at the girl.  She gives me a piece of paper.

 

I stare at it.  "Whoooaa...."  It's Xion.  Xion and me.  Kind of scribbled in crayon like a little kid's picture, but...it's us.  And there's love in this picture.  It's just not marks on a piece of paper, I can _feel_ love in it, and something drops onto the paper and I realize it's a teardrop.  "You made me cry," I say.

 

"I-I'm sorry."

 

I wipe my eyes.  "Sit still.  I'm gonna draw you now."

 

Her eyes get real wide.  "A-All right."

 

She sits still, posed like a princess in a magazine, and I draw her and then I want to crumple up the picture and throw it away because it DOESN'T LOOK _ANYTHING_ LIKE HER.  Or even like a princess.

 

She touches the paper before I can crumple it, leaning over my shoulder to stare.  "Ohhh...."

 

"I'm bad at drawing," I say.

 

"No, No, I love it.  It's really good."

 

"You like it?"

 

"Yes...."

 

"Oh."  I give her the paper.  "You can have it, then."

 

She smiles.  She has a really pretty smile.  I just want to watch her smile all day, and not have to go to class.  "My name is Naminé."

 

We've been sitting here all this time and never told each other our names?!  "I'm Roxas.  Hi, Naminé."

 

"Hello, Roxas.  I'm very pleased to meet you."

 

"Are we friends?"

 

"I...I would like that."

 

"Let's sit together at lunch.  Then we won't have to find a clique."

 

"Oh...do we have the same lunch?"

 

We pull out our schedules and look at them, and we _do_ have the same lunch.  And we have science together.  "Yeeessss!  Good.  See you sixth period, Naminé."

 

"I'll see you then, Roxas."

 

The bell rings and we have to find our first classes.  I keep her picture in my pocket all day.  I made a friend all by myself, and I like her a lot.

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  This story has been finished for a while, but I hadn't posted it because I was thinking I'd finish the whole challenge for RokuNami and post it as a one-shot.

But I have insomnia tonight, and I want to _finish something_ , even if it's just to post a completed draft that's been lying around for a while; and I finally did the math and realized that if all the drabbles in this series turn out as long as this one, it'll be, like, 16,000 words. XD  So here you go; Rox & Nami's first meeting in the Stepsibsverse.

 

Lol, I've had the title in mind for a long time, but as I started disliking RokuNami more and more, I started to wonder if I'd ever use it. XD  But, huh, I dunno...they were pretty fun to write in this drabble. ^^;  Granted, it's still platonic at this point, so I dunno how I'll feel by the end.

 

Complete:  1/11


	48. ~This Kind of Love: Xion & Naminé {Xion & Naminé}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I do the final drafts, I need to fix this installment so that it happens on the first day of school after Christmas break of Xion's sophomore year (Namine's freshman year). Namine is supposed to have transferred from Roxas's school to Xion's.

**_This Kind of Love_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Xion & Naminé (rough draft)**

 

Summary:  They may be in high school now, but their childhood friendship hasn't changed a bit.

 

A/N:  _Stepsiblings_ AU.

 

**Xion**

 

I was bored.  Wendy and Lily were both gushing over Peter again from across the courtyard and not paying attention to me at all, so I pulled out my phone to text Roxas until the bell rang.  " _sup loser_ "

 

" _im in class shutup_ "

 

" _awww_ "  Why did public schools start earlier than ours, grr.  " _luv u_ "

 

" _ok_ "

 

" _tell me u luv me to_ "

 

" _whatever_ "

 

" _:p_ "

 

" _< 3_"

 

I sighed and put my phone away, since I didn't want him to get in trouble.  So booooored....

 

**Naminé**

 

"Why are we just sitting here?" Evan complained.

 

"I'm sorry," I said.

 

"Be quiet," Lexaeus ordered.  (Ordered Evan, not me.  I think.)

 

"It's all right, Naminé," Daddy told me, putting an arm around me.

 

We sat for a little longer there in the parking lot.  Evan twisted around so he could look at us in the backseat.  "Is there a problem?"

 

"No," I whispered.

 

"She is gathering herself," Daddy said questioningly, and I nodded.  He knows me so well.

 

"We can escort you, if you like," Lexaeus offered.

 

I felt my eyes filling with tears, and I shook my head.  He's so nice.

 

"No...I think...I think it's better if I do it myself."

 

"Do _what_ yourself?" Evan said incredulously.  "All you have to do is walk onto campus and find the first class on your schedule!"

 

"Evan," Daddy said quietly, "Naminé has not attended a traditional school since she was eight years old.  She feels insecure and out of her depth."

 

Evan sighed loudly and pulled out a notebook.  "Fine.  Why should we care about running late, we can't _possibly_ have anything important going on in the laboratory."

 

"I'm sorry for making you late," I tried to say, but it just came out as a whisper.  Daddy squeezed his arm around my shoulders comfortingly.

 

"No matter, I have long grown used to being subjected to your whims," Evan said dismissively.  "Lexaeus, help me brainstorm variables while we wait."

 

"With color and without," Lexaeus said obligingly.  "We ought to use either red or blue."

 

"Or both," Daddy put in.

 

"Yes, yes," Evan murmured as he scribbled.

 

"Eight millimeters and seven.  Sunlight and moonlight."

 

"Fire would be better, don't you think?"

 

"And then of course there's the temperature...."

 

Their talk was soothing, and I was finally able to take a deep breath and step out of the car.  Then I looked back at them.  They were all watching me.

 

"...Lexaeus," I finally asked, my mouth dry.  "Can...can you...after all...?"

 

"Of course."  He stepped out of the driver's seat.

 

Daddy looked hesitantly.  "And me...?"

 

"Yes, Daddy," I burst out.  "I want you, too."  I smiled.  "And Evan.  I want my whole family."

 

"Lexaeus and I are hardly related to you, young lady," Evan snorted, but he was already getting out of the car to join us.

 

I felt safe as we walked together, surrounded by three people who loved me, who were strong, who could handle anything.  The other high schoolers were giving my 'bodyguards' strange looks and keeping their distance, and I didn't know whether to laugh or be worried.  Then we found my first classroom and Daddy kissed me good-bye, and Lexaeus hugged me, and Evan patted my head, and then they were going away.

 

I wanted to run after them and tell them to take me back, I wasn't ready after all, I didn't want to come to school like a normal girl I wanted to stay with them in the laboratory where it was safe and where I knew how to handle the dangers, not like here, so open and exposed and so easy to be hurt when I wouldn't be expecting it....

 

No.  I had to do this.  I had to be strong....

 

I peeked into the classroom, which was empty except for the teacher working on her computer.  "Hello," I whispered.  No reaction.  She didn't even hear me.  I wanted to run, but I took a deep breath and forced myself to cross the threshold.  "H-Hello...."

 

She was very nice.  She introduced herself with a strong smile and a strong handshake, and I shook her hand back just like Lexaeus had taught me years ago.  She showed me where my seat was and asked me if I liked literature, and I said yes, and we talked about _Jane Eyre_ until the bell rang, and I thought that maybe school wouldn't be so difficult after all.

 

Everyone was quiet, the first morning.  In class, at least; nobody said anything, just watched the teachers.  The teachers talked a lot and told us many rules and gave us lots of papers.  I started putting everything that Daddy had to sign in the same folder so I could keep track of them all.  From what I could tell, none of the schoolwork looked like it would be particularly difficult, some of it I had already learned a long time ago.

 

Between classes, though...it wasn't quiet.  There were so _many_ of them, and they were so loud, and the way they shoved past me without even looking at me even when they made me drop things or run into things or other people, it made me feel invisible.  _'I want to be back at the laboratory....'_   No one said anything nice to me, but no one said anything mean, either, which was good.

 

One boy leaning against the wall with his friends addressed me in a way I didn't understand, watching me with a grin I didn't quite like, but before I could ask him to clarify, a girl nearby hit him on the back of the head and said, "Ugh, you're such a perv!"  Then they started arguing, the boy insulting her and the girl calling him names, but they were smiling, so I didn't understand.  I hurried on again, hoping I could find my class by the time the bell rang.

 

I felt exhausted by the time I was allowed to go to lunch - not so much physically, but, just, all the noise....  So many new things to take in at once, so many people, so much vulgarity.  I wasn't used to it.  My head ached a little, and I thought of asking Daddy again when I got home to let me please come back and learn with him where it was _quiet_ , but...I had said I was ready for this...was I really not ready, or would I just be backing down from a challenge?  _'Give it a chance,'_ I thought to myself.  _'You've only been here for half a day.'_

 

I had my lunch with me already, I just needed to find a peaceful place to eat it.  Not much chance of that, with chattering groups of students clustered at every table outside, and on every bench and under every tree and just loitering here and there wherever they felt like it....

 

I almost didn't see her for a moment, she was just another face among all the others.  Then something about her laugh caught my attention....

 

She wore the sophomores' uniform, so she was a year ahead of me.  Black hair like a raven's wing, longer than I remembered; so much older and so pretty, but her blue eyes hadn't changed at all.  They sparkled with as much warmth and joy as they had back then.

 

 _'Would she even recognize me?'_   She sat with two other girls on a ledge, one a dark-skinned beauty reaching over to tease her red-haired friend who sat with ladylike elegance on the other side.  Between them:  Xion.  No longer a little girl.  Even if she did recognize me, would she still like me?

 

I suddenly found that I could not bear the thought that she might not.  I could hear in my imagination her laugh dying, see in my mind her eyes turning cool and aloof...I had to leave before she saw me.

 

**Xion**

 

"Heh...that girl's been staring at you.  Maybe she has a crush on you," Lily said mischievously.

 

"Huh?"

 

"I do believe you're right, Tiger Lily," Wendy said in surprise.  "At least about the staring.  She was also looking at Xion earlier, wasn't she."

 

I frowned and turned to look where they were.  "What are you guys talking ab--?"

 

All in white, with golden hair and huge eyes, she looked for a moment like an angel in the sunlight.  Then, just as she was turning away, I recognized her.  "It's--!"  _Aw_.  She grew up so pretty~~!  "NAMIIII!!!"

 

Saïx tells me not to pounce on people, but I can't _help_ it sometimes, I'm so happy to see them.  I heard her grunt a little as I grabbed her.  Oops.  She's so frail-looking, I hope I didn't hurt her....  "Nami!  It's me!  It's Xion!  You recognize me, right?!"

 

She looked over her shoulder at me, since she couldn't turn around because I was hugging her so hard.  "X...Xion...?"

 

So cuuuuuute, just like a puppy~!  "It's me!  You recognized me!"  I let her go so she could turn around and I could hug her properly.  She grunted again, and I tried to loosen my grip.  "I _knew_ I'd see you again!  Do you come to this school now?!"

 

"Xion...."  She smiled, such a beautiful smile, but it made my heart hurt for some reason.  "I'm glad to see you."

 

"What classes are you in?!  Let me see your schedule!"

 

"Heavens, Xion," Wendy laughed as she and Lily came up, "don't be so forceful, it's a bit rude, don't you think...?"

 

"I'm Tiger Lily," Lily announced.  "Peter's mine, let's make that clear from the start."

 

"P-Pardon?"

 

"You don't own him, you know," Wendy said sourly.  "Other girls have just as much right as you do to speak to him."

 

"No, they don't," Lily sniffed, flipping her hair back over one shoulder.  "And you've got a lot more in mind than just 'speaking' to him, and you know it!"

 

"Oh, who cares about Peter," I said quickly.  "Naminé, they both have the most insane crushes on that guy, so just don't fall for him and you'll be fine.  But, _oh_ , you're a freshman, aren't you!  Noooooo, I won't ever see you except at lunch and maybe P.E.!"

 

She smiled again in that adorable way of hers.  "I'm just so happy that you're here at this school, Xion."

 

"There's such a thing as invitations and outings, you know," Wendy suggested.

 

"Yeah!  Nami, we're going shopping tomorrow, you want to come with us?"

 

"I...well, I suppose so.  Thank you very much for inviting me."

 

She thought we meant _grocery_ shopping, the silly thing!  It was so, so fun taking her from one store to another and making her try on cute stuff.  And so hilarious afterwards when I dropped her off, too, seeing their _faces_ when they saw her in that adorable skirt, her dad and the two guys he works with.

 

"Naminé, you look lovely."

 

"Th...Thank you, Daddy...."

 

"One more gap in her social education that we missed," the biggest guy lamented, and Naminé took his hand.

 

"No, it's all right, Lexaeus, I enjoyed shopping with Xion and Wendy and Tiger Lily very much."

 

"Gah!  This is how the adolescent mating rituals start, I _knew_ it had to happen sooner or later," the oldest one complained.  "You had better not get tiresome, Naminé, I much prefer you as you have been up until now."

 

"She's not going to date for a while yet," Naminé's dad said firmly.

 

The big guy patted her head.  "She can be simultaneously attractive _and_ sensible about courtship.  Our Naminé has a good head on her shoulders."

 

"I don't even like any boys yet," Naminé said, her cheeks kind of red.

 

"Don't worry," I told them, putting an arm around her shoulders.  "We'll look out for Nami and make sure she doesn't fall for any creeps."

 

"We're trusting you, Xion," her dad said, only a little bit playfully.

 

"You can count on me!"  I smiled at my friend.  "I'll see you tomorrow, okay, Nami?"

 

"All right.  Good-bye, Xion."  She smiled back.  "I'm looking forward to it."

 

"I'll be staying with my brother, so you can meet him; and hopefully my other brothers Axel and Roxas, too."

 

"There are...three of them...?"

 

"They're really nice," I assured her.  "Saïx is really, really, REALLY nice, okay?  I _promise_ you, he's not mean at all."  Well, I was kind of lying, but Naminé was so fluffy that I knew he'd do his best not to hurt her, and if I cuddled him enough, hopefully I could make him cute enough for her to like him.  "And, well, Roxas can be dumb sometimes, but he's just a dork; he's nice, too.  And Axel's FANTASTIC."  He could get a little carried away with fluffy people, but I think me and Saïx together can hold him back....  "You'll love them, really!"

 

"I can't wait."

 

I gave her one last hug and then went home, my heart still singing.  I love my friends, and I _love_ it when people love me back.  I hope Naminé never moves away ever again, because I'll miss her too much; she and I are friends for life.

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  **FFN ate half of it, but the last thing that Roxas texts to Xion is a heart. *sweatdrop*  This story makes more sense if you've read _Stepsiblings: Daughters of the Heart_ , which in turn make more sense if you've read both _Stepsiblings: Another Side_ and _Studied Sketches_.**

 

Complete:  2/10


	49. ~Her Eighteenth {Axel}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Her Eighteenth (rough draft) [censored version]**

 

Summary:  Axel & Xion head out to celebrate her eighteenth birthday.

 

A/N:  Axel's POV.

 

This drabble (like most of the _Stepsiblings_ stories I write that take place far in the future) _might_ be able to fit in the main universe, but I'm not sure yet because I haven't written all the stuff that happens between the time Xi  & Rox are little and the time they're teenagers.

 

o.o.o

 

Okay, you know what, I've been trying to ride the bus to and from work to save money, but it's the middle of January and this is SO NOT WORKING FOR ME, I suddenly decide I'd rather give up groceries than have to keep giving up gas so I'm gonna do that from now on, but dang it doesn't help when I'm standing here freezing my butt off maybe literally and probably dying here leaning against a tree because there's too many people sitting on the bench and I'm about to fall over and die because I am SO FRIGGIN' COLD.

 

I wanna move.  To somewhere warm, with nice weather where it never snows.  I bet I could get Sai to come with me, but I'd lose Rox and Xi and my girl would probably look at me like I'm crazy if I asked her to move somewhere warm with me, and GAAAAHHHH I'll give up groceries but I won't give up my family but IT IS SO DANG FRICKIN' COLD I'M GONNA DIE.

 

"Guess whose eighteenth birthday it is~?"

 

I don't even realize that someone's sing-songing at me for a minute, I'm too busy huddled up in utter misery, as deep in my coat and hood and scarf and mittens as I can get.

 

"Okay, fine, don't guess."

 

I blink stupidly at the girl who's now leaning against the tree, too, practically on my shoulder.  Crazy thing isn't even wearing a hat, coat doesn't even have a frickin' hood, she's wearing a SKIRT AND LEGGINGS, that's _it_ , in _this weather_ , she looks adorable but she's insane and WHY DOES SHE LOOK LIKE THIS IS PERFECT CAVORTING-IN-THE-FLOWERY-MEADOWS WEATHER IT'S NOT FAIR.  "X-X-X-Xi?"

 

"Awwww, poor Axel," and she throws her arms around me.

 

And I burst into tears.

 

Okay, I _am_ happy to see her, I feel like I'm going to spew joy like a broken piñata, but really, I'm crying because it's so dang cold and I love her so much.  Like, together, not just one and not just the other.  That doesn't make any sense, does it.  I think my brain's starting to freeze, and not from ice cream this time.

 

"Poor baby," she says, squeezing me harder.  "Let's go inside."

 

"I'll m-miss my b-bus."

 

"I'll drive you, silly!"

 

"O-Oh...."

 

"Why _are_ you riding the bus, anyway?  What happened to your car?"

 

I don't say anything because then I'll just cry some more.  Dang it, Xi, show up when I can actually handle the fantasticness of it, plz, instead of now when I'm coming apart at the seams and looking about as uncool as Axel Hayes can get....

 

"C'mon," she says, steering me back into the lobby and making me sit down and bringing me a cup of coffee which I can barely drink because I'm shivering so much.

 

Eventually I warm up enough to, like, talk, by which time I remember why she's here.  "Hey, happy birthday!  Happy freaking birthday!  You're freaking eighteen!  Aaaaahhhhh!"

 

"Aaaahhhh!" she screams playfully, and glomps me again.  I can't move because I'm still holding the rest of the coffee and I'll drop it if I do, and I can't talk because then I'll start crying again, for different reasons now.  What is this, PMS?

 

She leans back and studies my face.  "I'm happy to see you, too," she finally says.

 

I take a few deep breaths.  "I'm so...I really...you...gah."

 

She waits patiently, smiling a little.

 

"You won't believe how much I've been looking forward to this."

 

"Me, too," she says, affectionately brushing a lock of hair out of my face.  "I'm an adult now.  I can do whatever the freak I want now."

 

I put the coffee down and wrap my arms around her and hug her again, as tight as I can without crushing her, relishing the feel of my precious sister in my arms with nothing holding us back.  "I missed you so much," I whisper, barely able to get the words out.

 

"I missed you, too," she whispers back.  "I think about you all the time."

 

Our hug loosens, and we look at each other for a moment.

 

Then she laughs.  "Well, not _all_ the time."

 

"Heh, was feeling sorry for Riku a minute there, his girlfriend having her brothers in mind during every makeout session...."

 

She shoves me hard, and I laugh, knowing why she's mad.

 

"There _are_ no makeout sessions, remember?  Thanks to you jerks," she grumbles.  " _He's_ the one with my stupid brothers in mind."

 

"Heheh...."

 

"JERKS.  I hate you all."

 

"D'aww, really?"

 

"No," she pouts.  "But I still hate you."

 

"I love you lots," I croon, hugging her again.  "You're my favorite eighteen-year-old in the entire world."

 

"And you're my favorite [. . .] person in the entire world."

 

"Heh...you sure about that...?"  Not that I think she loves one of us more than the other or anything, but I doubt she'd have chosen that phrasing if she knew.

 

[. . .]

 

"That's horrible!" she cries, but she's laughing.

 

[. . .]

 

"You guys are stupid," she says affectionately, patting my shoulder.

 

"Where's everyone else?"

 

"Riku got held up at school, but he said he'll meet us at the restaurant.  Roxas and Naminé went to get Saïx."

 

"So we'll all be together again," I say happily, and she hugs me.  I'm more than happy to return the gesture.

 

"Nothing can separate us ever again," she growls.  "You're _mine_ , forever."

 

"Mine forever," I echo, stroking her hair.  "I love you, princess."

 

"Love you, too.  Come on."  She hops to her feet and holds out her hand.  "Let's go to the car and get the heater running before you faint or something."

 

"I'm not _that_ much of a pansy," I protest, taking her hand.  "I just hate winter...."

 

"We should move somewhere warm."

 

"I was thinking that earlier."

 

"Let's do it."

 

"We can't."

 

"Yeah...."

 

"It's okay.  You guys are worth it."

 

She beams and kisses my nose and slings her arm securely around my waist, and I lay mine across her shoulders, and we walk back out into the frosty air armed with the warmth of each other's company.

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  I'm trying to think of a way to sugar-coat this, but I can't.  I hate AkuShi.  I end up reading it a lot, though; there are a few depictions of it that I can tolerate and even fewer that are actually cute, but most of the time, it just...inspires various negative feelings in me, is the mildest way I can put it.  My reaction to that this time was to write a drabble with the kind of 100% platonic AkuShi I _do_ like.

 

**This story will probably make more sense if you read _Fire & Moonlight: Much Better_.**

 

Dang it, it occurred to me to make this story the AkuShi installment for TKoL, but then I remembered that at this point in the Stepsibsverse timeline, Xion is dating someone, and Axel is not dating but he's in love with someone. *sweatdrop*  Boo.  Stupid romance! ^^;

 

Censored because I just felt uncomfortable with the thought of that part being made public.  (It's not squicky at all, ftr.)  Axel sprang a TOTALLY UNPLANNED AND UNEXPECTED development at me, but I suppose it will have to stay a secret forever.  Oh well; it doesn't change the plot or anything, so I don't really have reason to ever mention it again.


	50. ~Fire & Moonlight: Much Better (theme 88) {Xion}

**_Fire & Moonlight_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanwork:  Drabble challenge by Wishing-Fire, written by Raberba girl**

**Much Better (Theme 88) [rough draft]**

 

Summary:  Food is not the only thing he needs in order to thrive.

 

A/N:  _Stepsiblings_ universe (AU though), Xion's POV.  Direct sequel to _Stepsiblings: Her Eighteenth_.  (I forgot to mention Kairi in that story, btw, but I'm pretty sure she'd be with them for Xion's birthday, too.)  And this isn't all that AkuSai-ish, but whatever.

 

o.o.o

 

At the restaurant, Roxas and I hugged each other for, like, five minutes straight, then we dragged our brothers in, and it felt so unbelievably sweet to have them in my arms, all of us together again.

 

"Why did we bother showing up?" Kairi pouted playfully, and I laughed and let go so I could hug her, too, then my lovely Riku and even Naminé while I was at it.

 

Axel and Roxas and I couldn't seem to shut up, all talking over each other and interrupting each other and spewing chatter and excitement at each other.  Kairi got Riku and Naminé involved in a conversation underneath that, leaving Saïx to actually acknowledge the waitress's existence and get us all settled at a table.  " _Shut up_ ," he Spoke.  Then, speaking aloud quickly before he could lose the lull, "We're ordering our food.  I've already asked for mine; Xion, what do you want?"

 

"Cake!"

 

"Obviously," he said, letting some _exasperation affection_ seep through as well.  "What _food_ do you want?"

 

"Cake is food," Roxas teased.

 

"That's the kind of thinking that gets you where Ax--"  Saïx stopped talking as he actually looked at Axel.  "...What do you want, Xion?" Saïx finally asked again, eyes still on our brother.

 

"Um, lasagna," I said quietly.  I don't think Axel even realized we were talking about him, he was frowning at the menu like it was written in a language he wasn't fluent in.

 

"Pizza," Roxas said immediately.

 

"Roxas, we're at a nice Italian restaurant, don't waste it on pizza!"

 

Axel finally said, "I think...I'll just get--"

 

"By the way," Saïx interrupted forcefully, "I forgot to mention it earlier, but I'm paying the entire bill.  I hope you all are ordering exactly what you want."

 

Axel's eyes lit up.  " _Oh_!  Then I'm gonna get this special here, and the stuffed breadsticks, aaaaaand guess I'd better go with that salad with the chicken strips, and I'm thinking maybe some soup on the side...."

 

"Geez, Axel, glutton much?"

 

Restaurant portions are _huge_.  My appetite is not small but I still nearly always have leftovers, and I don't remember Axel ever eating more than half of his.  Tonight, though, Axel ate in swift bites throughout the conversation, having to stop and swallow more than once when he tried to talk with his mouth still full.  The entree was three-quarters devoured, the breadsticks nearly gone, the soup half finished, and he was _still eating_.  Making his way through the salad now, a little slower, but still more purposefully than I was used to seeing.

 

"Geez, Axel," Roxas remarked.  "I've never seen you pack it away like that before."

 

Saïx hadn't said anything for a long time.  He had been watching Axel, no doubt taking in every detail I had noticed earlier and more:  the forearms that looked way too easy to snap; the hollowed cheeks and dark circles under dull green eyes; the undyed auburn hair hanging in a tired, unraveling braid over one shoulder, not even close to the thick crimson mane it once was.

 

_anger pain guilt anger_

 

"I'm hungry, man," Axel grumbled.

 

_fury pain ANGER_

 

"Geez, Sai, what your prob--"

 

Saïx suddenly seized him by the collar and jerked him close.  His voice was tight and fierce as he dictated quietly, " _You are coming to live with me_ , Axel."

 

The silence stretched on until we suddenly realized that there wasn't going to be any snappy comeback.  That maybe the fact that we couldn't quite see Axel's face was intentional.

 

"So how's your food, Naminé?" Roxas boomed.

 

"Oh...um, it's good."

 

"Pass the sauce, will you, Xi?" Riku said.

 

"Oh!  Um, sure."  I sucked in an annoyed breath as I misjudged my hold a little and got sauce on my finger, then gasped in surprise and laughed a little when Riku surreptitiously licked it away.  My eyes flicked automatically to my brothers - if Saïx tried to doomgaze my boyfriend for being boyfriendey, I would _punch_ him - but they hadn't even noticed.

 

Axel was laughing a little in this slightly hysterical way, as Saïx murmured softly to him, "You're falling apart."

 

"I know, man, I know, man, I _know_ , uuuugghhh, I'm moving in as soon as the lease ends next month, gah, Saïx, my brain feels like it's full of, like, that, I forgot what it's called, when you can't pay your TV bill so you turn it on and stare at it for a while and it's like 'bzzzzzt' all black and white until you get a headache...."

 

"Finish your soup."

 

I felt like throwing something at someone.  Or screaming in frustration.  I hadn't realized it was this bad, I hadn't known...gaaahhh, I _hated_ them.  I would _never_ let anything like this happen to us ever again.  I should have broken the rules, I should have just come and checked on him more, if we were careful no one would have gotten in trouble, Daddy has _so much_ and I've never been hungry in my life and all this time my own brother was...I will _never_ let this happen again.  I can't stand this.

 

But Axel was sitting there slumped and exhausted-looking, eating steadily, almost leaning on Saïx like he couldn't keep sitting straight and yet somehow, looking more at peace than he'd been all day.  Like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders and he could finally collapse, not having to strain to carry it anymore.  I wished he wouldn't think he has to _pretend_ so much, maybe we could have helped him sooner....

 

I could see Axel whenever I wanted to now, so I tried to come over every day.  I always stopped somewhere on the way, barged in with way too much food, pretended my eyes had been bigger than my stomach and if I ate another bite I'd puke, so I'd shove it in his slowly filling refrigerator because I 'didn't wanna be bothered carrying it all home.'

 

I knew that Saïx came a lot now, too, and Axel would go over there, moving his stuff a bit at a time.  Roxas doesn't have much money but he'd come over as often as he could, too, and sometimes the four of us would manage to catch each other at the same time - Saïx grading papers and Roxas and I doing homework and Axel lounging on the floor, eating the pizza or tacos or chicken we brought and chatting with us all as we worked.

 

Axel had already moved all his stuff by the time the lease ended, so I went to Saïx's after they'd had a couple of days to settle in.

 

"Sai-Sai!"

 

"Hello."

 

I could sense that he was agitated as I hugged him.  "What's wrong?"

 

"Nothing," he said, Speaking enough _frustration exasperation anxiety_ that I knew it was obviously Something.

 

"Is Axel okay?"

 

"Axel is _wonderful_ ," Saïx growled.

 

"Where is he?"

 

"In the shower."

 

"Has he finished unpacking everything and stuff?  You guys need any help?"

 

Now Saïx was the one who looked like he was about to lose it.  "I don't need any of the sort of help you have to offer."

 

I looked around to make sure, but there didn't seem to be anything that needed sweeping or dusting or washing or anything.  "Not even ice cream?" I finally tried, hoping the teasing would get him to let some sort of explanation slip.

 

"ICE CREAM?" he burst out, and I tried not to smile.  "I suppose you mean to search for ice cream in the freezer, which I wish you luck with since it is packed entirely full, thanks to the most recent shopping excursion used with _my_ credit card but _not_ my permission, even more grievous since I can't even tell how bad the damage is because SOMEONE lost the receipt _somewhere_ in this MESS...."

 

"What mess?"

 

"THIS," he stormed, gesturing violently.

 

I looked around.  There didn't seem to be anything particularly out of the ordinary.  Actually, it kind of looked more like a normal homey house than the spotless everything-at-right-angles-to-each-other way Saïx usually kept it.  "The house looks nice."

 

"I feel like strangling something," he hissed.

 

"Did you look in his pants?"

 

" _What_?"

 

"Some people shove stuff in their pockets and then toss their pants in the laundry basket without remembering to check for stuff they left in them first."

 

"Who _does_ that?!"

 

I _didn't_ say 'Everyone except you and Daddy.'  I just went and dug through pockets until I was able to triumphantly place a crumpled printout in my brother's hands.

 

Saïx stared at it like it was written in Greek.  "How did you know?"

 

"Feel better now?" I asked, kissing his cheek.

 

_EXASPERATION relief_

 

"You're welcome."

 

"...Thank you."

 

Axel started to waltz out of the bathroom naked, yelped when he saw me and dove back behind the door, then called, "Oi, one of you toss me the So Sleek, would you?"

 

"I don't feel like doing you any favors," Saïx growled as I hunted through the shopping bags on the counter.  Seeing the new box of bright red hair color made me feel ridiculously happy.

 

"Here," I said, going over to give it to him.

 

"Thanks, princess."

 

"Towels aren't just for drying off, you know."

 

"Sorry...."

 

Later, as Saïx and I sat at the dining room table trying to concentrate on our work through Axel's whooping at the football game on TV, I smiled and reached over to set my hand over my brother's.  "It's nice having him here, isn't it."

 

"He is going to drive me insane.  I remember now why I hated him for a while."

 

"You don't hate him."

 

"...I don't," Saïx sighed.

 

I looked over at Axel again.  He still seemed a little worn-down, but his face had filled out a bit, his hair back in its proper crimson spikes, his spirits almost as energetic as when he'd been a teenager.  "He looks so much better now."

 

"He does."

 

"Thank you, Saïx."  I made sure to look him straight in the eyes when I said it, so he couldn't miss even a drop of my sincerity.  "Thank you.  It really means a lot to...well, to all of us."

 

"He's my brother," Saïx grumbled.  "I couldn't just...do nothing."

 

"You're very nice."

 

"Every day, he gives me more reasons to want to throw him out again."

 

"But you like seeing him happy, don't you?"

 

We happened to look over at the exact moment when Axel looked at us, his face alight and eyes shining.

 

"I do appreciate seeing him happy again," Saïx said softly.

 

"Hey, are you guys talking about me?"

 

"Maybe," I said mischievously.

 

"Hey!"

 

I patted the chair next to me.  "Come over and sit with us."

 

"But the gaaaame...!"

 

"Ah, that's right, you moved in with Sai-Sai just for the TV."

 

"DON'T BE STUPID."  Axel crossed the room in two bounds and plopped into the chair.  "They're losing, anyway; I'd rather hang out with you two nerds."

 

"I'd rather hang out with you than do homework...."

 

"Finish your homework relatively soon and we can go out together somewhere," Saïx grumbled.  Axel and I both stared at him in surprise.

 

"Really?"

 

"Why not?" Saïx said defensively.

 

"'Cuz you'd be doing something _nice_!"

 

"I'm trying to get you out of my house so you'll have less chances of abusing it," Saïx snapped.

 

"Right," Axel said affectionately, trying half-successfully to ruffle his hair.

 

"Hold on, lemme text Roxas," I said.  _"finish hmwk fast were going out tonite"_

_"im done. coming"_

_"liar"_

_"do it tmrrw"_

_"finish tonite!"_

_"c u soon"_

_"saix will make you"_

_"ill lie"_

_"hell know"_

_"lol"_

_"HE'LL"_

_" <3"_

 

"Roxas is coming," I said.

 

"Far be it from us to step out as an incomplete set," Saïx said sarcastically, but I could tell he was getting in a better mood.

 

"Well, technically we'll have to meet somewhere."  That was the downside of Axel moving in with Saïx, it would be kind of a pain now trying to get Roxas involved in things.

 

Axel sighed.  "A year and a half left to go...."

 

"We can handle it," I said soothingly, even though it made me kind of depressed, too.  "We made it this far."

 

"Roxas is resourceful," Saïx said.  "He knows how to present me by now."

 

"You mean he's figured out how to get you out of the trouble he gets you _into_ in the first place," Axel said, a little hesitant.

 

"He takes after his eldest brother," Saïx said dryly, which made Axel smile.

 

"Hey," I said, "stop distracting me, I wanna finish so we can go out sooner."

 

" _You're_ the one who dragged me away from the game!"

 

"That was before Sai-Sai said we could go out!"

 

"Are you _still_ calling me that?" Saïx said in exasperation.

 

"Saiiiiix, I'll finish tomorrow morning before school, I promise."

 

Saïx hesitated.  Then sighed and started stacking papers into his briefcase.  "I'm sure Roxas won't be complying with the same requirements, so it wouldn't be fair to hold you to them.  My students can wait an extra day.  Very well; let's go."

 

"YES!" Axel and I whooped in unison, and Saïx smiled.

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  FFN ate half of Roxas's text-heart again, and I'm sure MMO will freak out about it too, argh. Only DA cooperates with that. *sweatdrop*

 

This little mini-series (there are a couple more installments in the works) is definitely AU because I just can't imagine Axel & Saïx letting it get this extreme for so long...the problem is that I haven't figured out how they can get around it.  This is kind of like how it would have been in the main universe if they'd followed the rules more and had more things go wrong, I guess?

 

Man, I could _not_ figure out how to end it...and this time it wasn't even the characters' faults, either; they kept side-eyeing me and making up more stuff as the camera kept rolling. *sweatdrop*

 

I don't plan my inspiration at all, I just try to keep up with writing all the plunnies that come to me.  (If I go too long without writing them, they just recycle themselves into new story ideas until I finally _do_ write them.)  Sorry if they're not the best stuff to read, guys. :/

 

Btw, I have a lot of other _Fire & Moonlight_ stories whose drafts I'd finished earlier and which I'd _intended_ to post before this, but for some reason, I felt like posting this first. *sweatdrop*  Hopefully it will clarify some things about _Her Eighteenth_ while still not revealing spoilers...?

 

Complete:  50/101


	51. ~Thirteen Years Later {Saix}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Thirteen Years Later (rough draft)**

 

Summary:  Saïx manages to make it to his little brother's high school graduation.

 

A/N:  This was one of my very earliest ideas for this series, after I realized that it was not going to end with the original six-drabble one-shot.  Therefore, it was before I figured out the full family tree and the timeline, so a lot of things don't fit with the main universe anymore.  Still, I wanted to write it as closely as possible to the original picture I had in my head.  One thing that's definitely AU is Saïx meeting Naminé for the first time, since he's supposed to already know her.  And he should have moved back to his hometown by now, he's not supposed to still be living so far away.

 

Also, a lot of things from this unwritten plot bunny influenced later-published stories and kind of ruined the tone of this one.  For example, this story was supposed to be the first time Lea acted outright hostile toward Saïx onscreen.  I now really regret not writing this sooner. :/  The whole point of this story was to reveal a certain plot development, some of the pairings, and to reinforce the "siblings all the way" theme, as well as sneak a peek at what the characters are doing so far in the future, but I ended up doing that in other stories before I could get this one written. :/

 

o.o.o

 

I didn't realize I had fallen asleep until my sister nearly gave me a heart attack waking me up.

 

"SAIX!"

 

I immediately found myself being assaulted, having trouble breathing, and forgetting where I was for an instant.

 

"I missed yoooouuuu!"

 

"Xion," I grunted, trying to pry her off me.  Airport, that's right.  Some sort of mix-up; Axel thought Xion was picking me up, Xion thought Van was, and Van didn't care in the least - I must have fallen asleep waiting.  "I missed you, too, but get off.  Flinging yourself into my lap is not necessary, I assure you."

 

She leaned back, beaming, but still kept her arms around my neck.  "I haven't seen you in _ages_."

 

"Likewise.  Get off."

 

She kissed my nose.  "Did you get Roxas a present?"

 

"Of course I did."

 

"Hee, Axel forgot.  He had to run out to go shopping this morning."

 

"Idiot...."  I glanced over her shoulder.  "Hello, Riku."

 

"Hi, Saïx."

 

Then there didn't seem to be anything else to say.

 

"Riku, get his bag!" Xion ordered cheerfully.  "You looked tired, Sai."

 

"I'm perfectly capable of carrying my own bag, and yes, I look tired because I _am_."

 

"Eh, you didn't sleep on the plane?"

 

"A difficult feat when seated next to a fussing baby on one side and a very inconsiderate cell phone user on the other for the entire flight...."

 

"Aw, poor Sai-Sai."

 

"That is _not_ a valid form of address," I growled, doomgazing slightly.  Not that I minded the nickname much when alone among my siblings, but this was not the case at the moment.

 

"You're just shy because Riku's around," she pouted.  "He won't think you're silly, will you, Riku?"

 

"Never," he snapped, so sharply that I realized he must be having a flashback to his first encounter with his girlfriend's family.  Yet more reason to have no regrets about that, then.

 

"See?  You should like him, Saïx."

 

"I never said I didn't."

 

There was no time to drop my luggage off at the house, we had to rush straight to the auditorium through terrible traffic.  They were actually starting the ceremony as we made our way to our seats.

 

"Sai!" Axel leaped up and shoved his way past eight people at the end of the row before he managed to reach us, where he threw his arms around me.  "Finally!"

 

"There is a phrase you ought to learn, Axel.  It's called, 'Pardon me,' and you really should use it when you're being significantly disruptive."

 

"I don't even get a hello?!"

 

"Not until you sit down and start acting your age."

 

"I'm _ecstatic_ to see you, too," he pouted.

 

We made our way back past the eight, rightfully annoyed-looking people to where our own family was sitting.  Lea completely ignored me and Van had eyes only for Xion, but the others all smiled and reached out to hug me or clasp my hand.  Once we were finally settled, I leaned close to Axel to whisper in his ear, "Hello.  I missed you very much."  He smiled and elbowed me in the ribs, which I took to mean he reciprocated my feelings.

 

The ceremony was just as dull and interminable as all the other graduations I'd been to - save for, of course, the part we were actually here for.  Xion and Axel spent the rest of it playing various games on paper, which they kept passing across me to Riku and Demyx.  I joined in occasionally whenever they pestered me to do so, otherwise resorting to a book I had brought.  It was only when the surnames starting with J began to wane that we all started paying more attention.

 

"Roxas Aubade King!"

 

Most of our family surged to their feet and cheered wildly.  I let down my Shield and Spoke as strongly as I could how proud I was of my brother, how glad to see him complete this chapter of his life so successfully.

 

Roxas halted his march across the stage in mid-stride, his head snapping around.  He found us immediately and grinned, his eyes meeting mine.  He raised his hand in a salute, then looked around and did the same in a different direction, for some reason.  He seemed to truly be glowing as he continued on to accept his diploma.

 

"WAY TO GO, ROX!" Xion was screaming deafeningly.

 

I looked around for our other brother.  "...Axel?"

 

"I'm _not_ crying, okay?!  Shut up!"

 

Afterward, it took a while to find Roxas amidst the sea of graduates and their families.  When we finally located him, he was sitting on a low wall, holding a girl in his lap and talking to his two best friends.

 

"Pence!" Kairi screamed at once, echoed by Olette's cheerful, "Pencey!"  The girls pounced to hug him before he could even turn around.

 

Hayner's eyes widened as he looked at all of us.  "Whoa - it's an invasion!"

 

"It's my _family_ ," Roxas said indignantly as the girl hastily scrambled out of his lap.

 

"There's so friggin' many of them!"

 

"Roxas, this is your family?" the girl said nervously, her eyes going straight to me.

 

Roxas took her hand.  "Yeah.  You already know Axel and Xion, and Riku and my jerk cousin Van--"

 

Van started to flip them off, then grunted when Xion elbowed him in the ribs.  Lea smothered Roxas in a hug as he tried to continue.

 

"This is Mom, you know her...that's Axel's friend Alice, Demyx and Zidane are my cousins, Sarah is Zidane's fiancée, that's Aunt Aqua and Uncle Zack and Uncle Terra and Aunt Ella--"

 

Aqua laughed, leaning to kiss the side of Roxas's head.  "She's not going to remember a single one of our names, dear."

 

"Hm."

 

"My turn," Axel demanded, yanking Roxas out of their mother's arms to do his own smothering.  "Rox-my-sooooocks, I'm so proud of yoooouuuu!"

 

"Don't call me thaaaat!" Roxas whined playfully.  Then he saw me and his eyes lit up.  "SAIX!"

 

"Hello, Roxas."

 

"Axel!  Get off, I want Saïx!"

 

"What's wrong with me?" Axel protested.

 

"I see you all the time."

 

"Meh, fair enough," Axel pouted, releasing Roxas so that our youngest brother could embrace me even more enthusiastically than I expected.

 

"You came!"

 

"Of course I did."

 

"You said you couldn't come because you'd miss the last two days of school!"

 

"I _said_ that it would be difficult, but I would see what I could do," I corrected, trying to pry him off me.  "I managed to arrange things well enough for a substitute to handle."

 

"But now you're missing out on all the last-day-of-school presents and yearbook signing," Xion laughed, patting my shoulder.

 

"As if that even compares."  The wages I was losing by taking these particular vacation days were far more of a concern, but a sacrifice I was quite willing to make in this instance.  "Roxas, get _off_."

 

He pulled back, grinning.  "So I'm worth more to you than getting to sign yearbooks?"

 

"You three ask these sorts of questions in order to have your egos stroked, don't you," I suggested.  However, I let down my Shield, at least until Roxas startled me by his eyes filling with tears, at which I hastily drew it back up again.  "I'm proud of you, Roxas," I said awkwardly.  "That's all I meant."  Had he seen something different than what I intended?

 

"I know," he whispered.  "Thanks, Sai."  He hugged me again, and, to my surprise, Axel and Xion did, as well.  They're so _sentimental_.

 

"This love-fest is making me gag," Van remarked in disgust.

 

"Sshh, Van," Aqua hissed.

 

"Don't say something I agree with!" Lea exclaimed as she stared at my cousin in horror.

 

I looked at Jasmine and Ella.  "Why are you _taking pictures_?"

 

"You're all so cuuuute!" they squealed in unison before bursting into laughter.

 

Pence was staring at me, and Hayner was studying me with a slight frown.  "Wow...your eyes really do talk."  He stuck out his hand for me to shake.  "You're way better than Van," he decided.

 

"Well, thank you, I suppose," I said dryly.  I could sense Van doomgazing him in retaliation, so I turned around to intercept it.  _"Leave him alone, it's not his fault you make yourself so disagreeable."_

 

_"Maybe your head will explode if I doomgaze it hard enough."_

 

_"I highly doubt that Xion or Aqua would be very happy if that happened."_

_"...You suck."_

 

He turned away to cross his arms and glare at Aqua.

 

"Don't pout, love," she said, reaching to smooth the frown lines out of his expression, "it looks terrible."

 

He seemed to relax at the touch of her hands on his face.  "I'm not pouting.  I'm not a little kid."

 

"If you're not a child, then don't act like one," she said, kissing his temple.

 

Roxas was trying to coax the yellow-haired girl out from where she seemed to be hiding behind the happily chatting group of Hayner, Pence, Kairi, Olette, and Sora.  "Naminé, come _on_!  He's not gonna bite!"

 

"Wh-Who?" she said, avoiding eye contact with me with such determination that I knew it was I setting her on edge.

 

"Roxas," I said, "your mother is getting impatient, we had better leave."

 

"No," Roxas said stubbornly.  "Naminé, he's my _brother_.  It's really important to me that you like him."

 

I found her response rather admirable - it was obviously difficult for her to approach me and hold out a slightly shaking hand.  "H...Hello...I'm Naminé."

 

"She's my girlfriend," Roxas announced forcefully.

 

"The one he's always gushing about on the phone," Xion laughed.

 

I took hold of the girl's hand gently.  No telling what my evil cousin had done to traumatize the creature.  "I'm pleased to meet you."  I hesitated a moment, then let the Shield down again, arranging my thoughts as best I could.  _"Be at peace in my presence, let the love I bear for my brother cover you as well, you are welcome among us...."_

 

Her hand grew heavy in mine, and her eyelids fluttered for a moment as if she was falling asleep.  Then her eyes suddenly opened wide as she stared at me in wonder.  "Saïx?" she said uncertainly.

 

I quickly drew the Shield up again and stepped back.  I didn't care to have her touching my face....  It was more convenient for her to like me, but I could do without the physical affection.  Useful as the Speech could be, I hated it sometimes....  Axel was the only person, aside from my golden-eyed relatives, who had never once flinched away from me.  These eyes made me feel like a monster sometimes, and then like an abnormality even when I _wasn't_ hated.

 

"What was _that_?!" Roxas burst out in amazement.  "I didn't know you could do that now!"

 

"What?" Axel and Xion gasped eagerly.  "What, what'd he do?"

 

"It's - like - what Father does sometimes, you know...like, _talks_ instead of just spewing thoughts and feelings...."

 

"I've had opportunity to practice," I grumbled.  It was an endlessly convenient ability to have in my profession.

 

"Try it on me!" Xion urged, stepping into my line of vision, but Lea had had enough.

 

"Roxas, I'm sick of just _standing around_ here, let's _go_!"

 

The celebration lasted late - we had use of the venue for as long as we wanted that night, and since it was very rare for so many of our family and friends to be gathered at the same time, visiting adequately with everyone was no brief task.

 

Lea, who had openly hated me ever since the divorce, tolerated my presence on this occasion for Roxas's sake, and because I did my best to ignore her existence.  Van did the same, since he was here solely due to Xion's goodwill and could not afford to even toe the line; if there was anyone Lea hated more than me or even my father, it was him.

 

"Hey," Axel said nervously at one point.  He had been drinking as much as Alice and I would allow him, and acting strangely for the past hour.  I had tried to be patient, guessing what he was working up the courage for.  "Rox, Xi...I have to tell you something."

 

"What's up?" Roxas said at once.  He swung away from the story Sora was telling, and came to come plop down into a chair.  Xion scooted her own chair closer.

 

"I...wanted...to...uh, introduce you to someone."

 

Xion frowned in puzzlement.  "Is there someone here we don't know?"

 

"I don't believe I've met that couple over there," Alice mused, "the ones from Agrabah."

 

Axel took her hand and squeezed it.  "Um, yeah," he continued, addressing our younger siblings.  "My...my girlfriend.  You haven't met my girlfriend."

 

Now Roxas was frowning, too.  "Wait, what?"

 

"Since when did you start dating again?" Xion exclaimed.

 

Axel winced.  "Keep your voices down...."

 

Alice was staring at him in surprise.  "Oh, are we telling people now?"

 

"WHAAAT?!" our siblings yelled.

 

"Keep it _down_!" Axel pleaded.

 

"Wait, you're going out with _Alice_?!"

 

"Um...."

 

"Is something wrong, dear?" Alice asked in concern.  "I thought you hated keeping secrets."

 

Xion's eyes widened.  "Axel!  She's _my age_!"

 

"I knoooww!" he wailed.

 

"She's like--"  Roxas paused to calculate.  "--ten years younger than you."

 

Axel buried his face in his arms.

 

"That's enough," I told them.  "I've already given him the cradle-robbing lecture."

 

"Saïx, you _knew_?!"

 

"Ohhh," Xion realized.  " _That's_ what he was squirming about at Christmas."

 

Alice had a hand laid protectively over Axel's head.  "Is this really causing trouble for you?" she asked quietly.

 

It occurred to me to mention, "He did wait until she was a legal adult before speaking to her of the matter."

 

Xion studied me for a moment, then smiled at Alice and said, "Nah.  It's just a surprise, that's all."

 

Roxas poked his brother's shoulder, then the ribs when there was no response.  "Axel, come on.  We don't hate you."

 

"You probably should," was the mumbled response.

 

A mischievous grin crossed Roxas's face.  "Fine, we hate you.  That means you have to bribe us with ice cream to like you again, okay?"

 

"Well, there's ice cream over at the dessert table," Alice said dubiously.

 

Axel peeked an eye over his arm and smiled a little.

 

"Hey!" Xion gasped, fumbling for her camera, "Axel, make a boyfriendey pose with her!  Roxas, get Naminé; RIKU!  I WANT YOU!"

 

"Do you want me, too?" Van asked only half-playfully, reaching us before Riku did.

 

"Hmm--  Oh!  Yes, you can take the picture," she decided, thrusting the camera into his hands.

 

What?  "I thought I would be taking the picture."

 

"Of course not, silly," Jasmine laughed in my ear, startling me.  "Then you can't be in it."

 

"But--"

 

"Here, scoot in," Aladdin suggested, elegantly twirling another chair so close to me that Jasmine was able to sit in his lap and toss her legs across mine.

 

"I'm not taking a picture of you with _Riku_ ," Van was snarling.

 

"Vaniiii, take a nice picture for me and then I'll dance with you, okay?"

 

"Three songs," he demanded, which she readily agreed to.

 

"All right!" Xion cheered when we were gathered to her satisfaction, "Sexy poses, girls!"

 

"What?" Naminé gasped, and "I beg your pardon?" Alice said in what seemed to be genuine puzzlement.  Jasmine needed no clarification, leaning back in a way that made her husband catch his breath, and twining her fingers in his and my hair to draw us closer.  I hadn't been this near her in so long....  I realized that I had closed my eyes so as to have less distraction from her scent, so I made myself open them again.  As always, she was very good at distracting me from whatever I was supposed to be focusing on.

 

"Say 'puke,'" Van snapped, raising the camera.

 

"Cheeeese!" most of us called instead.

 

After the girls had finished exclaiming over how well the photo had turned out and made Xion transfer copies to their various devices, my sister turned to the room at large.  "Hey, everyone!  Mega-group picture!"

 

"Man, this is going to take forever," Roxas groaned, though he seemed to be aware that the result would be worth all the trouble.

 

It was after we had _finally_ finished, when everyone was dispersing, that Roxas suddenly froze.  His head lifted alertly, and then he made a beeline for the door.

 

I was the only one who noticed at first, and I followed quietly, watching from the doorway as Roxas strode out into the night and flung his arms around the silver-haired figure who had silently called him.

 

Father tolerated it for a long moment, and I wondered if I always looked that awkward when people embraced me.  Then he finally took hold of Roxas and gently pushed him away, though he continued to rest his hands on his youngest son's shoulders.  "That's enough."

 

"You came," Roxas said happily.  "I thought you'd skipped out."

 

"I was...at the ceremony, too, actually."

 

He was?

 

"You were?  I _thought_ that was you doomgazing, but then I wasn't sure because I never saw you afterwards...."

 

"I was there.  Not with your family, of course; your mother would never have stood for it."

 

"She let Sai and Van stay," Roxas pouted.

 

"You know it's different in my case."

 

"Well, whatever.  I'm really glad you were there after all."

 

"Forgive me for intruding here--"

 

"You're not--!"

 

"--but I realized I had neglected to give you your graduation gift."

 

" _Please_ say it's not just a boring check."

 

"Perhaps you will find this more to your liking...."

 

"Holy--!  Is this a _car key_?!"

 

"Yes."

 

"Flaming--!  I get the car it turns on?!"

 

"It is back at my house, you will have to come pick it up."

 

"Father!"

 

"...This is not satisfactory?"

 

" _No_ , stupid, it's _awesome_!" Roxas cried, throwing his arms around him again.

 

"Well, I am glad you're pleased."

 

Xion came up beside me.  "Whatcha lookin' at--?  _Daddy_!"  She ran to fling her arms around him as well.

 

"Xion...."  He raised his head and met my eyes.

 

 _"I, too, am glad you came,"_ I Spoke.

 

He didn't respond for a moment.  Then, _"Saïx...Roxas is not the only son I am proud of."_

 

I had to turn away, unable to Shield what I was feeling.  Such a humiliating lack of control, even after all this time....

 

Axel startled me, appearing so suddenly at that moment.  "Man, so it _is_ possible to be happy and still emo at the same time."

 

"What?" I said in annoyance, simultaneously grateful to him for distracting me.

 

"Where's Roxas?"

 

"He's--"

 

"Oh."  Axel shrugged.  "C'mon, Sai, might as well."

 

"What are you talking about?"

 

My father had never had any problem with control.  His face and eyes were both perfectly composed as he was tightly embraced by all four of his grown children.

 

"Daddy," Xion asked, "are you staying?"

 

"Of course not.  I only meant to run an errand concerning Roxas and then be on my way."

 

"I'll make Mom be nice to you," Roxas offered.

 

"Do not trouble yourself."

 

"At least take some cake back with you," Axel ordered, and Xion ran to fetch some.

 

Father frowned.  "I have no taste for sweets, you know this."

 

"It's your son's _graduation cake_ , Xem!  At least taste it."

 

"It's good," Roxas assured him.

 

"I don't see why the quality should have anything to do with--"

 

"Father," I said, "it's not worth resisting."

 

"...I suppose not."

 

After he had left, we leisurely made our way back to the celebration, and were met by Lea in the doorway.  "Precious, I was _looking_ for you."

 

"Sorry, Mom."  He leaned to kiss her.

 

"What were you all doing out here?"

 

"Being a family," Axel said.

 

She frowned.  "What does that mean?"

 

I could tell that my brothers and even Xion were all having trouble not telling her, so I rested a hand on Axel's and Roxas's shoulders in warning.  No good could come of it right now.  "Sometimes it's nice to get away from all the noise and the crowd for a moment," was all I could think to say.  I could sense her glaring at me even though I wasn't looking at her, so I backed away from her sons.

 

"I missed you," she said, wrapping her arms protectively around Roxas.

 

"Aw, we missed you, too, Mom," Xion said, embracing her.  "I really wish you could have been with us...."

 

Lea didn't say anything, but set a hand against Xion's dark hair and closed her eyes, holding her for a moment.

 

"You have two more people to hug," Roxas told her.

 

"Roxas," I said, "Ms. Hayes-King is under no obligation to show affection to a person who is no longer related to her, and you only distress her by continuing this insistence."

 

Lea, who had her arms around Axel now, looked at me cautiously over his shoulder.  I was careful to keep my eyes averted.  "It feels weird when you call me that," she growled.

 

"Apologies, madam."

 

" _Stop_ it," she snapped.

 

"Mom, what is he _supposed_ to call you?" the other three clamored in exasperation.

 

She fidgeted.

 

"What, he's just supposed to keep pretending you don't exist?" Axel said angrily.  "Well, guess what, Mom, you do, and so does he."

 

" _Fine_!"  She suddenly surged at me and seized the front of my shirt.  "Fine!" she shouted again.  "Do whatever you want!"

 

I looked at her cautiously, not sure what she wanted.  She was staring intensely at my face, her breathing quick and shallow.  I could feel her hands trembling slightly.

 

"I want you to be happy," I finally said.  It certainly made things easier on the rest of us whenever she was.

 

She was searching my face in a more bewildered way now.  "...Your eyes," she finally whispered.  "They're just...empty now...."

 

As carefully as I could, I Spoke.  _"I don't hate you.  I never have."_   I was not prepared for her to lower her face to my shoulder and burst into tears.

 

Uncertainly, I put my arms around her as Roxas whispered to the other two, "There!  There it is!  That's what he did to Naminé earlier."

 

"Ohhh...heh, what is it, a Doomgaze Upgrade?"

 

I glared at them as Xion giggled.

 

After that, Lea went back to ignoring me, but the tension had gone out of her posture, and the hostility from her tone and expression.  Her opinion didn't matter to me one way or the other, but her feelings really did have an effect on both the atmosphere and my brothers' moods.  I wished I had learned how to Speak properly when I was younger, but I supposed that it was better to know it now than never....

 

Ella and Terra stayed behind to help us clean up afterward, as did Alice, Naminé, and Riku; and Van stayed because Xion did.  "Be sweet and carry these to the car," she said, handing him a box and several bags.

 

"What am I, a pack mule?"

 

"No, you're a _gentleman_ ," she said threateningly.

 

Alice was in the kitchen, drying pots and platters as Riku washed them.  Lea was up on a ladder taking down decorations which Naminé gathered into trash bags, while Ella ran the vacuum cleaner, and her husband worked with Axel to get all the tables and chairs put away.  As I was tying the last trash bag closed, Roxas came by, carrying two more of them.  "Wait just a moment, we can take them out together."

 

"Okay."

 

We walked out to the dumpster.  "You probably shouldn't be carrying out garbage on a day that's supposed to be in your honor."

 

He chuckled.  "I don't mind."

 

I smiled a little.  "How does it feel to be a graduate?"

 

He raised both hands in the air and crowed.

 

"All right, all _right_ , I understand."

 

"I'm glad you made it, Sai."

 

"I would not have wanted to miss it."

 

He grinned.  "You've changed a lot, you know."

 

"Probably...."

 

"You couldn't stand me when I was a kid."

 

"That's not true."  At least, not entirely.

 

"Can't blame you; I was a brat."

 

"You were," I acknowledged, "but that's all right.  I'm sure Axel was many times worse."

 

He laughed.  "Yeah."

 

"Thank goodness I missed out on that...."

 

"Saïx?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"If you had a choice...if you'd known everything that would happen, would you still want me and Axel for brothers?"

 

"Of course I would, why would you ask that?"

 

He grinned again.  "I wanted to see your eyes when you said it."

 

"You really do love having your ego stroked."

 

"What, you want your ego stroked, too?  Here:  you're the best--  well, the second-best big brother ever, Saïx; if I had a choice between you and Van, I'd choose you every single time; you've gotten really good at not being a jerk, and--"

 

"Roxas, your compliments leave much to be desired.  Just so you know."

 

He smiled.  "I was teasing you.  You're awesome, Sai."

 

"You've grown up to be a very admirable young man, Roxas."

 

"Heh heh.  I think we're about even on the compliments now."

 

"You're ridiculous...."

 

We had reached the doors by this time, and went in to rejoin our family.

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  Before I finally came up with a title just now, I was calling this the "pre-XemRoku Day" fic, because the two are somewhat connected (though the actual XemRoku Day fic is in the real Stepsibsverse, it's not an AU like this one is, and it takes place much earlier in the timeline).

 

 **Axel/Alice - she's sixteen when they meet, seventeen when he realizes he's in love with her, eighteen when he actually tells her how he feels.**   By the time of this story, they've been secretly dating for about ten or eleven months.  I actually dislike the pairing as romance, it feels too weird despite being "technically okay"...but seriously, I hate shipping Axel with anyone romantically except Aqua or _maybe_ Larxene, and Aqua's already taken in this universe and I don't really like long-term AkuLarx and I didn't feel like OCDing over the rest of the Disney/Squeenix girls, so my options were limited.  Since I can at least tolerate adult-who-falls-in-love-with-minor-but-is-actually-freaking-responsible-about-it pairings, I thought it would be interesting to at least experiment with Axel/Alice romance.  Just as with XigLarx, Stepsibs was NOT the ideal place to do so, but whatever. *sigh*  **I lost control of this series a loooooooooong time ago.**

 

**I've been noticing that Naminé is getting more and more OOC in my writing, not just in the Stepsibsverse....  I want to fix that in the final drafts, but I figured I'd just leave her as she is in this story, since it's an AU from the main Stepsibsverse.**

 

Olette & Kairi both love Pence - one of them is his girlfriend and one of them is his big sister.  But which is which~? :p


	52. ~His Eighteenth {Saix}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**His Eighteenth (rough draft) [censored version]**

 

Summary:  Roxas & Saïx's turn. Companion to _Her Eighteenth_ and _Fire & Moonlight: Much Better_.

 

A/N:  Saïx's POV.

 

This little "Eighteenth" mini-series is an AU - I can't see it happening in the main Stepsibsverse, but at the same time, I can't figure out how to make it _not_ happen, either. o.O

 

o.o.o

 

I don't plan on ever trying to publish it or even let anyone read it, but this summer project, started on a whim, has caught more of my interest than I expected.

 

I was so absorbed in writing that I no longer even registered the noise of the coffee shop, and certainly did not detect my brother's approach until he had pressed his hands over my eyes and started sing-songing, "Guess who's not breaking the ruuuules today?"

 

"How many times have I told you all to stop smudging my glasses," I said, pushing him away and taking them off to clean them.

 

"Saïx, you are the most _not fun_ person _ever_."  He paused.  "Scratch that.  Father and your grandpa are worse."

 

"Thank you for amending your insult to be more accurate," I said, then stood up to embrace him.

 

For some reason, we ended up just standing there with our arms around each other for a long time, before I finally frowned and tried to pull away.  "All right, Roxas, I'm glad to see you."

 

"I missed you," he mumbled into my shoulder.

 

"You've made your sentiment rather clear, there is no need to continue demonstrating."

 

He grinned as he leaned back.  "You've been missing me a lot, too."

 

Had I forgotten to--?  No, my Shield was still active, so how...?

 

His smile softened as he clapped my shoulder.  "Doesn't matter whether you Shield or not, I can still tell."

 

"I find it rather irritating that you three still seem to be able to read my mind," I grumbled.  "Did you get my message?"

 

He frowned, pulled out his phone, and tilted his head in mild interest.  "Huh.  One missed call.  From you.  You left a voicemail."

 

I closed my eyes in exasperation.  "Don't bother checking it.  The bottom line is that the repairs won't be done until Thursday because those workers are incompetent idiots, so we can't stay at our house tonight after all."

 

Roxas gazed at me with a tranquil, uncomprehending look on his face.

 

" _Roxas_.  We can't stay at our house.  I highly doubt that you have enough money to contribute to a hotel stay, and I _know_ Axel doesn't.  At the moment, we have nowhere to sleep tonight."

 

"We'll figure it out," he said carelessly.

 

"Roxas!  You and Axel both, why are you always so - so _lackadaisical_ about everything?"

 

"Saïx, I'm eighteen.  I'm an adult now.  I can see you and Axel and Xion together whenever the heck I want.  I'm pretty much floating on cloud nine right now, and all your Saïxness just kind of sounds like blah blah blah to me.  All I can think about is how awesome it is that I'm standing here with you and _not_ having to keep looking over my shoulder."

 

We stood there for a while, I trying to determine the best response to this, he simply watching me with a little smile on his face.

 

I finally remembered that I had not yet actually congratulated him on today's milestone.  "Happy birthday, Roxas."

 

"Thanks, Sai."

 

"You do have a point about the new convenience in the four of us socializing together."

 

"Yup."

 

"...Stop _smiling_ like that, it's unsettling."

 

"Yup."

 

" _Roxas_."

 

"Blah blah blah, Sai."

 

I sighed.  "I'm going to call Xion, she seems to have more of a head on her shoulders than either of you two idi--"

 

[. . .]

 

He winced and reached to cover my eyes.  "Ow, Sai...."

 

"STOP SMUDGING MY GLASSES."

 

"Stop doomgazing me...."

 

[. . .]

 

"People are staring...."

 

They were.  I pushed his hand away from my eyes and seized his arm to force him outside where we could find somewhere more private to talk, but it occurred to me that some of our observers might misconstrue the situation.  "Get outside," I hissed.

 

"Promise you won't hurt me...."

 

"Those manipulative eyes DON'T work on me now _get outside_."

 

He grinned again, though in a self-defensive way this time, and set his hands against my shoulders.  "Please.  Please, Sai, don't be mad at me."

 

"I am _furious_ at you."

 

He drew in a deep, shaky breath.  "I...really, really don't want you to be mad at me...."  Something flickered across his face.  "Hey, it's my birthday.  You're supposed to be nice to me."

 

...That was a valid argument.  I could feel my roiling emotions settle down somewhat, and heard my brother release a quiet sigh of relief.

 

"You are not off the hook," I warned.

 

He grinned again in a way that would have melted Axel's heart.  Roxas ought to know better than to use his tricks on me, but I suppose it's become a habit for him.  "I am for now.  You have to be nice to me at least for today."

 

"Until midnight."

 

"Heh, you're such a stickler...."

 

"I'm calling Xion now, so that we can make a plan like _responsible_ people do and not let today go to waste."

 

"Sai, we could eat dinner at Bloaty's Pizza Hog and spend the night on park benches for all I care.  _I'm eighteen_.  It's over.  We can be together forever now."

 

"What happened to the sentimental talk of 'being together in our hearts, no matter how far we're apart' and such that you all kept spouting?"

 

"Have to tell each other _something_ to keep from going crazy, yeah?"

 

I _knew_ it.

 

"C'mon."

 

"Just seconds ago, I was the one urging us to leave...."

 

"Well, now we can actually go since you're not mad at me anymore."

 

[. . .]  "I suppose I'm not.  [. . .]"

 

"That's okay.  You [only have to love] me.  That's not gonna change, right?"

 

Why do they always try to get me to make embarrassing statements in public places?  They act like they don't notice, but sometimes I think they have to be doing it on purpose.  "You are my younger brother.  _That_ is what is never going to change, no matter what our circumstances are."

 

He smiled again, this time in a way that did not disquiet me.  "Brothers all the way."

 

"It's impossible to _not_ have that memorized, it's been said so often among us," I said, and he laughed.

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  **Bloaty's Pizza Hog is a reference to the cartoon _Invader Zim_. XD**

 

Censored for the exact same reason _Her Eighteenth_ was censored.  It's not squicky, it just made me headdesk.

 

I think I have at least one more drabble in this mini-verse, a tiny one, then that should be it.


	53. ~Savage Nymph {Larxene}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl**

**Savage Nymph (rough draft)**

 

_For Larxene, 12 December 2012_

 

Summary:  Someday, Larxene's life is no longer going to be defined by what happened to Relena. Modern AU fic for 12/12/12.

 

**A/N: _Stepsiblings_ universe, some parts of this make more sense if you've read that series.**

**There are time gaps, sometimes large ones, between scenes - it starts when Larxene is a young child and ends when she's in her...I don't know...her 30s, maybe?  And, lol, there is one scene that was deliberately placed out of order. *sweatdrop***

**Depending on how important pairings are to you, you might find some of the ones in here squicky or otherwise unappealing. :/**

 

o.o.o

 

My sister's an _idiot_ , she's only two years younger than me but she's like a freaking baby.  I was looking at something else for like TWO SECONDS then I hear this thump and it's like _'Oh crap'_ and I turn around and she's lying on the ground like a doll.  She fell out of the freaking tree.  Like an _idiot_.  "Relena!"

 

I'm running over to her and she's probably just fine, gonna sit up and start crying in a minute like a baby.  A big stupid baby who looks way too much like me, except fatter.  ...She's not moving, but she's okay.  She's always okay.

 

"Relena wake _up_."  I slap at her face, like you do to wake someone up when they're passed out.  "Wake up!  Ugh, I _hate_ baby-sitting you."

 

She's finally moving slowly, ugh I hate her she's such a pain this feeling in my chest isn't relief it's I'm annoyed.  She's so annoying.  I'm glad she's not really hurt because...then Mom'd get me in trouble and it'd be stupid Relena's fault _again_.

 

"Sis...?"

 

She sounds so weak.  "What?  Don't be a wimp, get up."

 

"Sis...my back hurts...."

 

"'Cause you just fell out of a tree, moron.  What'd you do, jump out and try to fly?"

 

She's clutching her stupid pink bear.  She hugs it closer and says, "Sakura almost fell...I had to catch him...."

 

"Who cares about your stupid bear.  Don't go jumping out of trees, moron."

 

She smiles at me.  "Okay, Sis."

 

"...Get up."

 

"It hurts...."

 

"Get _up_ or I'll hit you."

 

Why is she moving so slowly?  Like a slug.  I want to die waiting she's so slow, she's ALWAYS slowing me down.

 

But she's finally sitting up.  Finally.  She can sit up.  That's good.

 

"I'm okay, Sis."

 

"Duh.  Come on, help me finish."

 

Sloooooowly standing up, I want to hit her she's so freaking slow, like a big fat slug begging to be squished, but now she's getting in front of me and I can see her back and she's not bleeding or anything.  Good.  She's fine.  "You take this side, I'll take this one."

 

"Okay, Sis."

 

o.o.o.o.o

 

What th--  She can't last a freaking WEEK without getting in trouble.  I can barely _see_ I'm so mad, I charge straight at them and start beating them left and right with whatever's in my hands (realize later it's my science project), screaming at them until they're all on the run.  I want to chase after them and tear them up, but Relena's back there and maybe she's hurt.

 

"Relena!"

 

"I'm okay, Sis...."

 

"Your _face_!"

 

"I'm...okay...."

 

"I'm gonna KILL them!"

 

"It's okay, Sis.  You chased them off."

 

"DON'T BE SUCH A FREAKING WIMP _STAND UP FOR YOURSELF_ , IDIOT!  Tell them where to get off!  Hit them!  Call them names!  _Cuss_ at them, come on, show me you can cuss!"

 

She licks the blood off her lip and doesn't say anything.

 

"What was it this time?" I yell, trying not to hit her myself.

 

She shrugs, like she doesn't even care.  "They said I smell."

 

"THEN TELL THEM THEY'RE A BUNCH OF CRAP-EATING UGLY MORONS WHO--"  Wait.  "Relena.  You idiot.  You _do_ smell.  When was the last time you took a freaking bath?"

 

She shrugs again.  She makes me so freaking mad.  "I dunno."

 

"What do you mean you don't know?!"

 

"...I dunno.  I don't remember."

 

"Ugh, Relena!  Duh you smell!  Take a bath!  Ugh!  No wonder they keep bugging you and I have to keep chasing them off you!"

 

"I don't like baths...."

 

"I don't freaking care."

 

She sighs, like _I'm_ the one being an idiot.  "I don't like it.  The water makes my skin all prickly all over and I hate it.  It hurts.  I want to just be dirty."

 

I don't say anything for a long time, and finally she looks confused.

 

"Are you okay, Sis?"

 

"...Shut up."  Siiiiiigh.  I bet this is why she refuses to swim, too.  Lets herself be all weak and defenseless just because she's afraid of a little pain.  "Relena, look.  Water does that to me, too."  Like when you touch something and it shocks you, kind of.  Except slow and all over, like ants are crawling all over you and biting you.  It hurts.  "Mom doesn't believe me, because she took me to doctors when I was little and they said I was fine and I was just making stuff up.  But it _does_ hurt but it doesn't _matter_ , because you have to take baths and be clean so you're not a disgusting reject and they'll leave you alone."

 

"I can be a disgusting reject."

 

"No!  NO!"

 

But she just smiles at me.  "You'll always protect me, right?  You'll help me when people are mean?  Then I can still be dirty and it won't hurt."

 

"You're so friggin' selfish!  I hate you!"  But it hurts that night, the prickling and the stinging when I'm taking a bath, and I'm a wimp too and I can't stop protecting her after all.  She can be dirty.  One of us won't have to hurt like this.  I wish it was me, but she's the wimp, I'm the strong one, I'm the one who chases them off, and I'm the older one anyway so I guess it can be her.  This sucks.  She has a cute smile, though.  She's fat and ugly and gross but for some reason she still looks cute when she smiles like the way she's smiling at me now.  It's not fair.

 

o.o.o.o.o

 

"Larxene!"

 

" _What_?" I yell.  They're always _interrupting_ me.

 

Dad glares at me as he finishes tying his tie in the doorway.  "I told you to put the pool cover on."

 

"You told me five minutes ago, _geez_ , don't rush me!"

 

"I told you _fifteen_ minutes ago - get it done now."

 

"I will, lay off!"

 

"I'd do it myself but I'm running late; get off the phone and do as I say!"

 

"I'LL DO IT WHEN I DO IT OKAY, LAY OFF."

 

"Do you want me to ground you?" he says, but he never actually grounds me so it's like Whatever, but if I pretend I care a little bit, he gets off my case.

 

"Fine, okay, I'll _do_ it."  I tell Natsue I'll be right back and go off to the back of the house to make Dad think I'm doing it, but I hear the front door shut and he's gone.  I'm about to go back to the phone but what the heck, why is Relena out there.  I open the door and yell out at her.  "What are you doing?  It's freezing!"

 

"I dropped Sakura," she says in this pathetic voice.

 

"Ugh, you're too old to play with toys, you know that?"

 

"Sis...please help me, I can't reach...."

 

I can see the stupid bear floating just under the water.  Uuuuuuggghhhh, my sister is such a _pain_.  "Just chill for a while, okay?  I have to finish talking to Natsue first, go watch TV or something."

 

"Sis...."

 

Whatever; if she wants to freeze her butt off out there, I don't care.  I slam the door shut and go find the phone again.

 

"Sorry, Nat, my family's being stupid again....  So what'd she tell you?"

 

Everyone in the world is an idiot, but there's two kinds - the kind I can't stand and the kind who are hilarious.  I'm laughing my head off as Natsue's telling me about Darci's pathetic attempt to steal Shane back from Marisol, and suddenly I see the shadows.  They're different.  I frown and sit up - I think I lost track of time.  It's been a while since Dad left.  "Hey...Nat?  Hold on a second."

 

I can't hear the TV.  The house is so...quiet.  "Nat, I'll be right back, okay?"

 

The net is long enough why couldn't she reach it.  She's always _falling_ , idiot kid, can't she even _walk_ right or is she too stupid to

 

"Relena!"

 

OH GOD THE WATER'S COLD UUUUUUGGGGHHHHH I hate this, I'm gonna kill her when I get her out I _hate this_.

 

"Relena, wake _up_!"  Slapping her face, as best I can when I'm shivering so much.  Slapping hard, her face is white and cold as ice.  She smells.  " _Relena_!!!"  Sakura's still in the pool, a little spot of pink under the water.  What's so special about that thing?  Why couldn't she just _leave_ it for two seconds until I could get it for her?  "Relena...."

 

This time she doesn't wake up.

 

o.o.o.o.o

 

Can't breathe, can't open my mouth _have_ to open my mouth, water pouring in choking me filling me writhing oh God it hurts I can't breathe--

 

Just a dream.  It's just the _dream_ , Larxene.  _Gah_ , I'm pathetic, too; it's not like _I_ was the one who drowned, why can't I stop dreaming myself in her place?  Though I feel like I'm drowning now, in a different way, with all these tears pouring out of me so hard I can't see and my chest hurts and I'm making the _ugliest_ sounds, I hate this but I'd better cry as hard as I can now, when I'm alone in the dark, so that I won't cry later where people can see.

 

o.o.o.o.o

 

_"Uhh...sorry, Larxene, I've got math next period, I was gonna try to finish my homework in the library during lunch...."_

_"Um - actually, I made plans with Jamie for this weekend...next weekend, maybe?"_

_"Oh...well, see, Mom's getting on my case and I have to run some errands for her, I can't make it to the mall today after all...."_

 

I didn't believe the excuses the first time, and I didn't put up with them after the second time, either.  I don't need friends.  I don't _want_ friends, with all their drama and interruptions and that horrible look in their eyes that everyone has when they look at me now, everyone thinks I'm a murderer.  I don't have to put up with them, they're all idiots, anyway.  I'm perfectly fine on my own.

 

o.o.o.o.o

 

The first thing I noticed were those beautiful green eyes of his, like Relena's.  That's _not_ why I let him flirt with me, though.  It's just interesting being at a new school in a new town where no one knows anything about me.

 

"Rawr, easy!  Just thought it couldn't hurt to check."

 

He's got such a ready smile, unruffled by my response.  Maybe he's worth playing with for a while.  "Oh, I can make it hurt all right."  I make a show of gauging him, as if looking for the best place to bruise.  "Still think it's worth it?"

 

"For a girl who can send a guy twice her age packing like that?  Maybe."

 

He'd been watching long enough to see me chase off the sleazebag from earlier?

 

"It's...me who might not be worth it, actually."  He smiles ruefully.  "My family's kind of hard to deal with."

 

Why the heck is he bringing up his family?

 

"Trust me, if we get to know each other in the _least_ , they are going to get involved."

 

That very afternoon, I start to find out exactly what he means.

 

...For his sake, though...this beautiful green-eyed boy with the ready laugh who never judges me...I can put up with it.

 

o.o.o.o.o

 

Until that little brat pries into the WRONG part of me.  Everything else just makes me want to hit her, the big blue eyes and the ponies and the chatter and the questions and the fairy sparkly princess crap; but now, I want to _kill_ her.  ...It's not like I haven't done it before....

 

"GET OUT.  _GIVE_ me that, you little brat; get out get out get OUT!"

 

She's staring up at me with those huge horrible blue eyes like _I'm_ the one who's hurting her rather than the other way around.  I snatch the photo out of her hand and seize her shoulders, crushing her sleeves in my fists because I know Axel will kill me if I actually bruise her; shoving her out so hard she nearly falls, half-accidentally slam her against the wall, just barely managing to pull back so she doesn't hit hard, but _gah_ I want to hurt her I can't stand her I can't stand her face I--

 

"Larxene."

 

I look up and feel like my heart's dropped out of my chest, seeing that look on his face like I'm dead to him.  Xion runs to cling to him, nearly in tears, and he puts an arm around her like a shield.  "Hey--"

 

"I can't stand you," I snarl before he can finish.  "I _hate_ your family and I hate your stupid jokes and you don't know anything about keeping a woman happy and it's OVER, Axel, it's over, I can't stand you, get out of here it's _over_!!!"

 

He takes Xion by the hand and leaves without a word.  Not a single call or message, he barely even looks at me anymore, the next weekend he's making out with some nauseating brunette, and _once again_ , I have to cry where no one can see.

 

o.o.o.o.o

 

Van's one of those pretty-faced bad boys I love, but the first (and only) time we ever kiss, he suddenly bursts into laughter in my mouth and I shove him away, grossed out and trying not to laugh at the same time.

 

"That was kinda disgusting," he remarks, his eyes humming _amusement relief curiosity_.  "No offense, Larxie," he adds in a drawl, as if I can't see perfectly well what he meant.  As if I couldn't feel it, too.

 

"Gah, this _sucks_ ," I mutter.  "I don't wanna dump you...."  We kind of lounge there until the movie ends.  Then we lounge some more in silence for a while.

 

Then he rolls over and crosses his arms on my chest and says thoughtfully, "Well.  You don't have to dump me."

 

It takes me way too long to realize what he means.  It's been so freaking long since I've had a friend, it just...never occurred to me that I could have one again.  That I don't have to lose Van just because I don't want to date him anymore.  "Oh."  I meant to say more.  But my throat suddenly feels tight and I try to hide it but I can't, but it doesn't matter because he just looks _comfort safety affection_ at me until the tears finally go away.

 

o.o.o.o.o

 

It's been so long.  I didn't realize how much I missed Xigbar's smile - the real one, the one he's finally giving me again now.  "Fine.  What is it you're throwing at me?"

 

I take the end of his ponytail and swing it meaningfully.  "Get rid of this.  That's my condition."

 

His Shield goes up again, and he looks at me coolly.

 

"You only grow it long to spite her.  But you know what, Xig?  It's not her fault she's gone.  And she doesn't care what you think anymore.  And I'm not gonna marry you when you're still hating her for leaving you, because I've had enough hate in my life and I'm sick of having to deal with it."

 

 _"No one dictates to me,"_ he Speaks.  It's in words, though, not emotions - easier to twist and hide the truth.  This is exactly what I told myself I wasn't going to put up with when he came barging into my life again.  I pick up my purse and head for the door, but then I hear him getting up and yanking open a drawer, and I turn and see him raise his hand to fling something towards me.  It's easy to dodge, and I have to smile a little as I see the blades embedded in the doorframe - our roles are reversed this time.  He's a lot nicer than I was, waiting for me to see them coming first.

 

"You win," he chuckles wryly.  "Sorry, though; I stopped keeping score a while ago."

 

"That makes two of us, then."  I grin as I toss my purse aside and take the scissors out of the doorframe and move back toward him.

 

o.o.o.o.o

 

Can't breathe, can't breathe, chest hurts, filling me so there's no room left for _me_ , this is what it's like to die--

 

Wake up gasping for breath, not drowning just asleep the dream the dream it never goes _away_ , this room is stifling, I fling off the covers and throw the window open and gulp in deep breaths of cold air, breathing.  I'm still breathing.  She hasn't breathed for over twenty years now, but I'm still breathing.  I can't stand it.

 

Footsteps approaching, the warmth of his body pressing against my cold skin.  He doesn't say a word, just Speaks silently until I'm calm again.  Xigbar's arms around me are the only ones that have never felt suffocating.

 

o.o.o.o.o

 

December 12th, my birthday.  We're _supposed_ to be baking stuff for the party tonight.  Somehow it went from that to a food fight - Xion and I racing around the kitchen taking cover behind counters and doorframes, flinging handfuls of dough and pie filling and breadsticks and anything else that comes to hand, screaming like we're ten-year-olds.  We are gonna get in so much trouble for wasting all this food, but right now I'm having so much fun I don't care.

 

"Say that again to my face, brat!" I yell as cherry sauce splatters across her chest like blood.

 

"Come out here and take it like a man!" she shrieks back, grinning wildly as the pasta barely misses my face and half of it gets tangled in my hair instead.

 

The kitchen is a wreck by the time we get tired of it, the two of us collapsing happily by the oven.  She sits there smiling at me for a while, then reaches out and wipes some icing off my check with her finger, licking it up.  "Mmm, tasty."

 

...She's still so small, even though she's a grown woman now.  Beautiful even when she's caked with food from head to toe, with those eyes of hers sparkling.  She never gets angry.  She's always kind.  She's the perfect girl I've never had a hope of being; she's just like Relena was, except prettier.  It's easy to see why she means the world to Van - to all of them.  I'm the only one who refuses to dote on her...and that's only because she's spoiled enough, she doesn't need yet one more person telling her how great she is and how much they need her.

 

"How can Axel stand you?" I ask, choosing the one I know will hurt most.  She's too precious, I don't know how he can love her so much without being afraid.  I don't know how Axel can give so much of his heart away to so many people without feeling empty.  Maybe he thinks if he gives them the pieces of his heart, they'll hold on and he'll never be completely lost, the way I was for so long.  Hearts are heavy things to carry alone, but they're also easy to bruise - people are careless with hearts that aren't their own.

 

Never gets angry.  Just considers as if it's a serious question and finally says, "Maybe because he's never lost me."

 

This is definitely not fun anymore.  I get up and start dragging the trash can around to shove ruined food into it, talking about the waste of time and money and how I am _not_ going shopping again because this wasn't my fault and nothing's ever my fault but I get blamed for it anyway and I--

 

She puts her arms around me like she's my sister's angel, this girl who's what Relena would have been if Relena had gotten it right.  I don't look at her, because I don't want to see that she's only Xion.  My eyes are dry, I don't know how she knew I was crying anyway.  The person I always lie to the most is myself.  "Relena, I'm...I'm so sorry...."

 

She hugs me tighter.  Instead of getting worse, the stifled feeling goes away.  "I forgive you."

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  I'm really self-conscious about this fic and was angsting about how to post it.... DX  I ended up not writing the part I was most nervous about, but still, there are things in this that make me squirm, thinking about reader reactions.  I honestly have no control over my plot bunnies, I write the stories that come into my head ._.

 

...I feel bad about all that wasted food ._.

 

Ftr, Larxene didn't start dating Xigbar 'til she was in her mid- or late 20s.  It's a pairing I've wanted to try out since I had to cut a small XigLarx tease out of _Raindrops & Whiskers_, and it finally found a home in _Stepsiblings_ , of all things.  Unfortunately, Xigbar is difficult enough to write IC on his own, but Larxene is harder (especially since I'm trying as hard as possible not to let her cuss), and they're even worse when they're together, I'm scared to write them. DX


	54. Day 26 - Getting married {Third person Xion, Axel, Saix, & Roxas}

**A Kingdom Hearts fanwork:  30 Day OTP Challenge by Ericandy, written by Raberba girl**

**Stepsiblings: Day 26 - Getting married (rough draft)**

 

Summary:  Unfortunately, Xion's cousin will not go down without a fight....

 

A/N:  Third person POV.  This drabble's one of the few unhappy ones.

 

o.o.o

 

Just like at a similar event fifteen years earlier, Axel found his missing sibling sitting alone in a dark dressing room, though much more quickly this time.  _'Like brother, like sister,'_ he thought wryly.  _'You really do rub off on her, Sai.'_

 

"Xi," he said aloud, snapping on the light as he came inside.  "In case you didn't know, people tend to notice pretty quickly when brides disappear from their own wedding receptions."

 

"In case you didn't know, Axel," she returned dully, " _most_ brides tend to enjoy their own wedding receptions."

 

He eyed the glass in her hand.  "What's that?"

 

"It's my party.  I can drink if I want to."  She set the rim against her lips and tipped her head back to swallow.

 

"Xion, you don't drink," he said firmly, plucking the glass out of her hand.

 

" _Give_ it back!" she snarled, lunging at him.  " _You_ drink all the time!  _I_ get to drink when my wedding day gets ruined!"

 

"Trust me," he said, fending her off with one arm as he set the glass on a high shelf.  "It's not going to help."

 

"I hate you!" she screamed, then, "I hate him!  I hate him!  I HATE HIM!"

 

"I don't blame you," Axel grumbled, gritting his teeth as the image came back to mind.  There was a commotion starting up in the hallway, but both of them ignored it.

 

"How could he _do_ this to me?" she wailed, dissolving into heartbroken sobs.  "This is my wedding...this is my _wedding_...people are supposed to be _happy_ when they're getting married, but I can't even...I don't even...."

 

He was already holding her, gently stroking her hair as she clung to him.  "It'll be okay, Xi.  You heard what Riku said.  He's dealing with it, but he needs your help.  You have to get past this, too.  Don't let that idiot ruin your life, he only has that power if you give it to him."  _'Huh.  Guess Sai's also rubbing off on_ me _....'_

 

The door was shut behind them, and the commotion faded.  They ignored that, too.

 

"He's not an idiot," she whispered.  "He's...hurting...too.  Like me.  He's hurting so bad, I can _feel_ it."

 

"Xion," Saïx asserted, "he does not have any right to pass that pain on to you - particularly _today_ , of all days."

 

"Yeah.  You are way too freaking nice, Xi."

 

"That's okay," Roxas said, putting an arm protectively around his sister's shoulders.  "She can be the nice one.  We get to be the mean ones who punch the idiots in the face."

 

"Did you get him?" Axel asked.

 

"Sai did."

 

Axel raised an eyebrow at his golden-eyed brother, who sighed.

 

 _"Don't ask,"_ Saïx Spoke, then stepped forward to lay a hand on Xion's head, doing his best to silently convey _peace love security_.  The three of them enclosed her now, comforting her as she cried, until she was able to push the grief back again and return to her guests and her new husband with a smile on her face.

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  All I'll say for now is that it's Van's fault.  (Not Riku's, lol.  He reacted as well as could possibly be expected.)  I don't think I'll be able to bring myself to publish that, though, so I might make an AU version where stupid Van doesn't mess things up so badly.  However, most if not all the other stories will reference the real version. :/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are all the stories I wrote before joining AO3, so I was able to put them in more-or-less chronological order here, but all the installments I post from now on will just be random as far as the timeline goes.


	55. Treasure of my Heart - Shoes (theme 83) {Xem}

Treasure of my Heart

Kingdom Hearts fanwork:  Sibling Challenge by Inmate XIV, written by Raberba girl

 

Summary:  One-shots about various Kingdom Hearts characters as siblings.

Introduction:  I found another shiny new challenge, lol. XD  **And I'll be breaking most of the rules for this one, just so you know.  I do not handle word count limits well at all, and I'm going to be using whatever sibling combinations come to mind rather than 'claiming' a set to use for the whole thing.**

 

For a long time, I've wanted to write sibling sets such as Lea/Kairi, Roxas/Naminé, and especially Xion/Vanitas (squeee X3), and this was the perfect chance to do so~

I'll probably use a few themes for sibling sets in _Stepsiblings_ , _The Light In Their Eyes_ , etc., but I want to focus more on siblings I haven't written before.

 

I was _so stumped_ for a title, and was about to just type something lame, but then it occurred to me to look up famous siblings.  I found a quote from _A Wrinkle in Time_ by Madeleine L'Engle, where young Meg is speaking to her five-year-old brother Charles Wallace:  "I love you. Charles Wallace, you are my darling and my dear and the light of my life and the treasure of my heart. I love you. I love you. I love you."  That gave me feels, so that's what I decided to use for my title. XD

 

**Shoes (theme 83) [rough draft]**

**Seven-year-old Xigbar & five-year-old Xem (Xemnas)**

 

**A/N: _Stepsiblings_ universe.  Xem's the narrator yet again. XD**

 

o.o.o

 

I can't _do_ it, I can't do it I can't do it I can't do it I'm gonna BURN THESE SHOES.

 

My brother is laughing at me.  I won't burn my shoes, I'll burn _him_.

 

"You call that Speaking, Xem?  Your lame sailor scout attack kind of tickles, maybe you should try harder."

 

But I _am_ trying.  My eyes hurt.  I thought they hurt because I was Speaking at him, but it's because I'm _crying_.  I rub my face so he can't see the tears; I don't _want_ to cry.  "I hate you!"

 

"Doesn't matter.  You still can't tie your shoes."

 

I push on my face so I won't cry more.  I don't know what to _do_.  We have to leave, Father's gonna come back and he'll see I'm not ready to go, I can't tie my shoes I can't _do_ it.  "I can make the loops...I cross them...but then they don't _work_."

 

"Because you're doing it wrong."

 

"I KNOW!"

 

I put my hands down and stare at him hard hard hard.  _'Burn!  Burn!  Burn!  Why won't you burn?!'_

 

"Xem, you're Speaking _'I'm hurting I'm hurting I'm hurting!'_   If you look at people like that, they'll smash you to pieces."

 

I put my hands on my face again.  What do I _do_?

 

"You have to look at people and think, _'I'm better than you.  I'm special.  You can't hurt me because I'm stronger than you.'_   Sort of.  I can't explain it because you're too little.  But you're doing it wrong and it's annoying."

 

I look at him.  _"I'm better than you.  I'm special.  I can do stuff you can't.  Father likes me better."_

 

"Xem, stop trying to make people like you.  No one likes you, and it's _bad_ if they do, stupid.  You have to be strong on your _own_ , other people aren't gonna be strong for you.  That's why you're so weak, because you keep chasing after everyone instead of doing stuff yourself."

 

No one's going to help me.  If I want to do this, I have to do it myself.  I sit down again and pick up the laces.  _'Loop...loop...cross--'_   I can't do it.  My hands are all shaky and now I can't even hold the laces.  I can never do anything right.

 

Xigbar holds my head and his eyes are yellow, _ow_ , I see it, my hands move, the laces slip I look down and my shoes are tied.  I look at them because I can't believe it.  But they're tied.  I saw it in my head and my fingers did it.  I untie them and try to tie them again, and I _can't do it_.

 

"I just _Spoke_ how to do it!  Do it that way, not the human way!"

 

I have to remember the yellow.  I close my eyes and I can see it, my fingers know how to move because Xigbar showed me, I open my eyes and my shoes are tied.  I hit my feet together.  They're still tied.

 

I look at Xigbar.  He's still a little horrible, but not a lot horrible.  "Good."

 

"If you're a weakling, Xem, Father's gonna eat you."

 

"Father doesn't eat people."  Ew.

 

"Yes he does.  I won't let him eat me, but if he doesn't eat me, then he'll eat you.  We're the only ones with yellow eyes.  If he can't eat you either, maybe we can get rid of him."

 

"No we can't."

 

"We can't _now_.  But when we're bigger and stronger, we will.  You have to get stronger, Xem."

 

"I will.  I can tie my shoes now."  I show him my shoes.  "Look."

 

"Yeah.  But that's not enough."

 

"I'm trying."

 

"Try harder."

 

"You have to help me.  I can't do it unless you help me."

 

"You have to be strong on your own."

 

"Help me first, and then I'm strong _after_."

 

"...Okay."  He holds my hand and pulls me up, and we go tell Father we're ready.

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  I actually finished a Xion/Van entry for this challenge first, but I have to save it for Valentine's Day, so this XigXem drabble gets posted first. ^^;

 

Not much to say about this one....  It feels really weird trying to write Xig & Xem as small children. X'D  I randomly felt like drafting a drabble tonight, and this plunny was the first one that came to hand.

 

...Wow, I can't believe that the last _Stepsiblings_ story I posted was five months ago ._.  I've still got a ton of stuff for this universe in the works, I don't know why there was such a huge gap between actual posted stuff, especially since this drabble here was a very last-minute thing. ^^;

 

I got stuck in _yet another_ stupid fight on deviantART.  **I'm still on hiatus** , even though it might not seem like it because I have no self-discipline.  I'm so, so glad I don't have to wake up early tomorrow.  It's exhausting having to get up before 6:00 a.m. for five days in a row, especially since I've gotten so very bad at getting to bed at a decent time. D'X

 

Complete:  1/100


	56. Creative Expression - Fear (theme 40) {Saix}

**_Creative Expression -_ ** **_Fear_ ** **(theme 40) [rough draft]** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic written by Raberba girl**

**List of themes** **by** **DavisJes, Variation 3 for the 100ThemesChallenge group on deviantART**

 

Summary:  Saïx tries to get his nephew to see reason.

 

A/N:  **_Stepsiblings_ universe, Saïx's POV, probably farther in the future than anything I've posted so far. XD**   Eli is one of Roxas's sons.

 

I got exactly two votes, each for a different story. ^^;  The tie-breaker was that this one is shorter, and also some other reasons that came up unexpectedly.  But you'll still get to read the Axel drabbles soon~

 

o.o.o

 

Eli might have scoffed at me for buying him ice cream as if pacifying a small child, but he ate it readily enough as we walked through the park.  He let me talk about the city council's renovation project for a while, and about my latest incident of unexpectedly meeting an old student, and my displeasure about the new budget cuts for the public library, before he finally couldn't take the suspense anymore.

 

"Look, Uncle Saïx, let's just get to the point of why I'm really stuck wandering around with you.  I _am_ in trouble, aren't I?  What, Dad wanted you to doomgaze me into apologizing to Kal or something?"

 

"Your father was too angry to look at you, your mother was crying, your brother obviously couldn't tolerate your presence, and I happened to be nearby.  Bringing you with me seemed like the simplest solution."

 

"Soooo we're just gonna wander around eating ice cream, for...how long, exactly?  Mom and Dad might get over it quick, but Kal's gonna hate me to his dying day."

 

"You know why, Eli, don't you?" I said in exasperation.  "Why do you seem to have a compulsion to torture him?  He's your _twin_.  Shouldn't you two be close, rather than at each other's throats all the time?"

 

"I like him."  Eli licked at his ice cream.  "He's my favorite person in the whole world."

 

"And your way of expressing this affection is to lock him up, steal from him, play mind games on him that you _know_ he can't handle, and countless other torments that we negligent adults are probably unaware of?"

 

"If he'd just _pay attention_...."  He ate some more of his ice cream.

 

"Don't trail off.  Finish your statement."

 

"There's nothing to say."

 

I stopped and stepped in front of him, grasping his shoulders.  He resisted me for a second, then cringed as he reluctantly met my gaze.  _"Tell me why you hurt him,"_ I Spoke.

 

He tried hard not to cry, but lost the battle, and tears slid down his face as he choked out in a whisper I could barely understand, "He hates me.  He hates me so much.  Even when I try to be nice, he hurts _me_ , so then I try to teach him a lesson and he hates me even more."

 

_"...Listen to me, Eli."_

 

"Please stop," he begged.  " _Please_."

 

I sighed and released him, and gave him a moment to wipe his eyes and regain a small shred of his teenage dignity.  "Eli," I said aloud, "you dug this hole yourself, and now you have to deal with the consequences.  I know how it feels to be so afraid of pain that--"

 

"I'm not afraid of _anything_!"

 

"You're not afraid of anything you don't care about, which is almost everything.  However, the one thing you adore, your brother, causes more fear in you than you know how to deal with."

 

" _Stop_ it!" he cried angrily as he broke into fresh tears.  "You're not even doomgazing anymore and you're _still_ doomgazing!  I want your eyes!  _I_ want to be the freaking alien, you've always hated it so why couldn't _I_ have gotten it instead?!"

 

I shuddered to think of Eli King having the Speech on top of everything else...he'd probably finish what my grandfather had started and destroy us all.  "Eli.  Stop trying to change the subject."

 

"I'm not--!"

 

"The point is that your brother is going to continue to hurt you - after everything you've done to him, that is to be _expected_.  If you want his love, you're going to have to earn it back.  You're going to have to let him hurt you, as much and as long as it takes, until he can trust you again.  You're the one who broke him, so don't complain when you get cut on the shards."

 

He finished his ice cream silently.

 

"Eli."

 

"...."

 

"It's worth it."

 

"I don't believe you," he muttered.

 

"I can tell you that--"

 

"No.  I know you're right.  I just can't make myself believe you."

 

After a moment, I put my arm around his shoulders.  "You've chosen a difficult path, Eli, for both yourself and Kaleo."

 

"I guess in some ways I _am_ as dumb as he is," Eli muttered.

 

"Both of you are quite intelligent, which seems to be the only thing you two have in common...."

 

"...Uncle Saïx?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"I couldn't have said this stuff to anyone else.  Don't tell anyone."

 

"You're safe with me, Eli."

 

He gave a wry chuckle.  "Thanks."

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  Kaleo & Eli are Roxas & Naminé's fraternal twin sons in this universe.  They (along with Xion's daughter) are hybrid characters like Xem.

 

This drabble was originally for the "teenager" theme of Wishing-Fire's 100 theme challenge, but then I thought of a different idea for that which was shorter, and decided to re-assign this story to a different theme in a different challenge.

 

Complete:  3/100


	57. Flurry of Dancing Flames, 100 Moments - Fresh Breeze {Axel}

Stepsiblings: Flurry of Dancing Flames, 100 Moments

Kingdom Hearts fanwork:  AU challenge by Wishing-Fire, written by Raberba girl

 

Summary:  100 moments in the life of Axel Deucalion Hayes. _Stepsiblings_ universe.

Introduction:  Apparently I'm as addicted to challenges as I am to Pairing Days. *sweatdrop*  This one calls for the writer to take one character and write their AU life story from beginning to end.  I thought it'd be interesting to try it with StepsibsAxel, especially since I was already working on a challenge for StepsibsSaix.  I've had Axel's entire series planned out for a long time, but only just recently got a chance to sit down and _write_ the first part of it.

 

As usual, I can't stick to word count limits, so I didn't try.  I'm going to divide the drabble sets according to certain time periods in Axel's life.  I actually started with Axel being about six years old rather than a newborn, just after he meets Ven.

 

 **OH BY THE WAY, I changed the name of Axel & Roxas's mom.  **(Long story; I was discussing it in my journals and polls a while ago.) **Her name is now Eleanor, which she hates, so more formal people like Xem & Saïx call her "Lenore," and everyone else calls her "Norrie."**

 

**Part 1:  Fresh Breeze**

 

Summary:  Young as Axel is, he's already well-acquainted with emotional pain.  Ventus has his work cut out for him.

 

**1\. Smile**

 

The doorbell rings.

 

"Axel, get the door!" Mom yells.

 

I'm playing.  "I'm busy!"

 

"GET THE DOOR!"

 

"FINE!"

 

I go open it and I'm about to call whoever it is bad names, but then I forget to say anything.  It's that guy from before, when we went on the date together.  He's back.

 

He smiles.  "Hi, Axel."

 

"What are you doing here?"

 

"I think you might have left this in my car."

 

He holds out - my Gundam card.  The one I lost.  _He_ has it.  Why does he have it?!  I grab it and back away.

 

"I had fun the other night," he says.  "We should do it again soon."

 

"What?"  Why is he _here_?  They never come back after they see me.  They never come back.  Especially since I ruined the big date like Mom was yelling at me for when we got home.

 

"Axel, who is it?" Mom yells.

 

"IT'S THE VEN GUY!" I yell back.  "The porcupine head!"

 

There's a lot of noise like Mom dropped stuff, and she runs into the front hall.  The look on her face is funny, so I laugh.  "V-Ven?!"

 

He waves.  "Hi, Norrie.  Just stopped by to give this back to Axel."

 

"O-Oh... _what_?"

 

He came back for me....  For me?

 

"Also, I uh...wanted to know, um, if you'd be interested in going out again...maybe this weekend...?"

 

" _What_?!"

 

"Why?" I ask.

 

He smiles again.  "Well, I like your mom, Axel.  I like you, too.  I'd like to get to know you both better."

 

Mom grabs my shoulder like she's hugging me, but it hurts.  I shove her away.  "You mean you still want to--?!  It's not a problem that I--  That Axel--?!"

 

"I'm Mom's son," I tell him.  "Guys don't want girlfriends who have kids, but my mom has a kid, and it's me.  I'm here."

 

"I know that, Axel," he says.  "I wouldn't have it any other way."

 

"Liar!" I yell.  I run to hide my card in my room so I'll never lose it again.  Why would he say that stuff?  Doesn't he know it's not supposed to work like that?  He's stupid!  Mom's stuck with me and she'll always be alone because of me, all the other idiots got it but Ven didn't get it so he must be even _more_ of an idiot than them, I hope Mom slams the door in his face and we never see him again.

**2\. Eternity**

 

Sooooooooooo muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch taaaaaaaaaaaalkiiiiiiiiiiiiiing....  I'm tiiiiiiiiired, the pastor guy won't shut uuuuuuuuuup, why won't Mom and Ven just kiss already so we can go eeeeeeeaaaaaaaat....

 

I flip the rings on the ribbon some more, but that's boring too and weddings are _boring_.  I sit down on the steps and wonder if I could use the pillow to take a nap on, but Mom'd probably get really mad at me.

 

" _Axel_ ," she hisses.  She's already mad at me.  Whatever.

 

"Ssshh, Norrie, it's okay," Ven says, and nods at the pastor guy so he'll keep going.

 

Mom's still mad, though.  She keeps looking at me and making faces, so I stick my tongue out at her.

 

Mom looks like she's gonna come after me, and I'm ready to hit her with the ring pillow, but then Ven kisses her and whispers, "I love you."  She looks at him and he says, "Eyes on me, Star Girl, all right?  Don't ignore me at our wedding~"

 

She hugs him and doesn't look at me anymore.  Now they're _both_ ignoring me.  I'm mad until Ven looks over his shoulder and winks at me.  He's not ignoring me, he just said it so she'll stop being mad at me....  I smile at him and stand up again.  He's nice.

**3\. Rivalry**

 

MOM HOGS HIM _ALL THE TIME_.  It's my turn.  It's _my turn_.  "Daaaad!"

 

 _"What is it?!"_ he asks through the phone.

 

"Mom won't let me have Roxas!  I only got to play with him for like two seconds but she keeps _taking_ him and it's MY TURN!"

 

_"Was Roxas crying?"_

 

But it wasn't my fault, I was trying to make him feel _better_!  "...No."

 

_"Are you sure?  Because sometimes he cries when he's hungry, and he's too little for you to feed him yet."_

 

"...."  Mom's in there letting Roxas [. . .] and I guess he's not crying anymore but it's not _fair_ , I'm _always_ the one who makes him stop crying, me or Dad, he likes me better he likes me better IT'S MY TURN TO PLAY WITH HIM.

 

_"Axel...are you cry--?"_

 

"NO!"  I slam the phone down.  Fine.  I don't care.  I'll just go play outside and if Roxas wants me I won't _be_ there but he won't care because he has his precious _Mom_ and it's not fair it's not fair it's not faaaaaiiiir, I wanna play with Roxas, I don't _like_ sharing....

 

**4\. Judgment**

 

Dad's dad is scary and mean, and I'm _not_ gonna call him 'Grandpa.'  I'm gonna call him Darth Scarface.  He looks mad when we come in, and Dad makes us go back and take our shoes off and put them by the door, but Darth Scarface still looks mad.

 

"Hello, Father."

 

"Son."

 

"It's been a while, hasn't it!"

 

"Yes," Darth Scarface says, but he looks at us like we're dirty things messing up his clean perfect house.  I want to grab one of the pictures off the wall and smash it.

 

"Hello, Eraqus!" Mom says in her kindergarten teacher voice.  _Fake_ , I hate it when she talks like that, like she's happy even though she's not.

 

"Please address me as Mr. King."

 

"Oh...okay."

 

"Umm....  So, uh, this is the first time you guys have been here, right?" Dad says.  "This is the house where I grew up, Axel."

 

Does he expect me to tell him I like it or something?  "Poor you."

 

Dad covers his mouth real quick.  I can't tell if he's horrified or laughing.

 

" _Axel_."  Mom's mad when she whispers, but then she sounds all perky again.  "It's a _lovely_ house, I'm sure that Ven and his brother and sister really loved living here!"

 

"...Well, come in," Darth Scarface says.

 

We all go in the living room and after I finish eating the cookies from the plate I'm booooored, why can't we watch TV instead of just talk talk talk?  But then Mom finally puts Roxas on a blanket on the floor, and I kneel down so I can poke his stomach and let him grab my fingers and play peek-a-boo with him.  Mom and Darth Scarface both keep telling me to be quiet, but I ignore them.

 

Roxas was happy for a long time, but now he's not smiling anymore and he keeps making his 'I'm mad' noises and finally he starts crying.  "Roxyyy!  Come on Rox, don't cry, see, look!"

 

"I think he's hungry, Ax," Dad says.

 

"Um," Mom says, "is there maybe somewhere I could...have some privacy...?"

 

"Aqua's room," Dad says.  "Come on, Axel, I'll show you my old room, too."

 

The three of us go upstairs, and Dad's room is cooler than the rest of the house, it's got video games in it.  I'm looking at them when Darth Scarface comes and asks him something.  After a while I decide which game I wanna play, but when I look up to ask where the controller is, I'm alone.  "Dad?"  I go downstairs to look for him.

 

Dad and Darth Scarface are talking in the living room, all quiet like they don't want us to hear.

 

"...but I _don't_ like her, Ventus," Scarface says.  I hide behind the wall thing so I can hear better.

 

"Father.  I truly am in love with her, as much now as I was when I first got to know her.  Besides, we're already married, we've had a child together, it's not like there's anything you or I could do about even if there _was_ a problem.  Which there isn't."

 

"You don't sense her insincerity?  Her voice itself is irritating on its own--"

 

"Father!"  Dad almost never sounds mad, but he sounds mad now.  "Ignoring your unfair nit-picking for now, are you questioning whether she _cares_ for me or not?  You don't know her like I do.  I assure you, she adores me as much as I do her.  We're both willing to do whatever it takes to keep our marriage strong and healthy, which would be easier if we had _support_ from our loved ones instead of constant criticism--"

 

"There is darkness in her heart, Ventus!"

 

"There's darkness in _everyone's_ heart.  Mine, too, and _yours_.  If you wanted me to wait until I found a completely perfect woman to be my wife, I'd _never_ have gotten married."

 

"Not perfect, of course, but at least someone....  Her _past_ , Ventus!  That boy of hers, you don't even know--"

 

"You mean Ax--?"  Dad suddenly looks over his shoulder, and I duck back but I know he saw me, and I wonder if I should run before he drags me out, but then he starts talking again.  I look back at them, carefully, but they're still just talking.  I guess he didn't see me after all.  "Axel is my son, Father."

 

"Your steps--"

 

"My _son_."

 

"You didn't adopt him, which is probably the only wise decision you've made about this whole--"

 

"I'm _going_ to, we just haven't been able to get that done yet.  And it doesn't matter.  Whether he's my son on paper or not, he's already my son in our hearts."

 

"So you find it acceptable to let your children eavesdrop on conversations they were not meant to hear?"

 

I get this cold feeling in my stomach.

 

"Ax.  Come on out here, okay?"

 

Dad never sounds mad even when I'm in trouble, so I look out at him again, but he doesn't look mad, either.  He's...smiling a little, actually, and holding out his hand.  I wanna keep hiding, but they both know I'm here, and I'd rather be with Dad than alone.  I go the rest of the way down the stairs and stand next to him, and he puts his arm around my shoulders.  I like how it feels, like we're partners.

 

"Axel, don't listen in when other people are talking."

 

"Why?  Maybe _you_ guys shouldn't be dissing people."

 

He laughs, and I feel relieved.  "Good point.  But still, don't eavesdrop, okay?"

 

It's a lie to say I won't, but I want to make him happy.  "...Okay."  I shouldn't have said that....

**5\. Laughter**

 

Roxas is _so freaking cute_ , I can't stand it.  He can walk now, a little, not by himself but he'll pull himself up on the coffee table or something and kind of edge along, like each step is this huge giant hard thing to do and every time he does it, I'm so proud of him.

 

Mom's watching TV, and me and Dad are playing Monopoly on the floor.  Roxas was playing with his toys but now he says "Da" and crawls over to the table so he can stand up.

 

"Come on, Roxas!" I say.  " _Come_ on, Rox, you can do it!"

 

Roxas slooooowly stands up, like it's as hard as climbing a mountain, but he does it anyway.

 

"Yaaaay!  Good job, Roxas, now come here!  Come on!"

 

"Da."  Roxas takes a step.  And another.

 

"Good job, big guy," Dad tells him, talking all high and cute too.  Aunt Aqua says not to baby-talk at Roxas because it's bad for him or something, but I don't even notice I'm doing it 'til Dad does it, too, and neither of us cares.  "Good job, Roxas!  Come on, Rox-my-socks, almost there!"

 

Roxas's hand suddenly slips off the table and he plops down on his bottom.  But he fell on the money holder thing so he doesn't just sit, he flips right over onto his back.

 

We're all surprised for a second.

 

"What happened?!" Mom says.  "Roxas?!"  She gets up and comes over to us.

 

For a second I'm scared that Roxas got hurt, but then Dad bursts into laughter and scoots over and holds his hands over Roxas, and I think Roxas was gonna cry but when he sees Dad looming over him, he just holds onto Dad's fingers and says "Da."

 

"That's right, Roxas, it's Daddy," Dad says.

 

"Is he okay?!" Mom asks.

 

"It's Dad, Roxas," I say.  "You found him."

 

Roxas blows a spit bubble like it's serious business.

 

"I love you," Dad says, leaning down to kiss his forehead.

 

"I love you, too," I say, and I kiss him too.

 

Mom pushes us out of the way and scoops up Roxas and cuddles him.  "I love you soooo much," she says.

 

Sometimes it feels like loving Roxas is the only thing all three of us can agree on....

 

**6\. Tiny**

 

Is it okay for Roxas to still be so small?  I mean, he seems big to me because he's bigger now than he was before, but he looks tiny when I see him next to the other babies his age.  "...Dad?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Is Roxas gonna be all scrawny and wimpy when he grows up?"

 

"What makes you say that, Axel?"

 

"He's so small...."

 

"Heh.  Well, his brother's pretty scrawny, too."  He pokes me in the side.

 

"Ow!"

 

"Seriously, though, you worry me, Axel....  Come on, let's go get some hamburgers."

 

"But I'm not hungry."

 

"Axel, it's lunch time.  Just because you're not hungry doesn't mean you shouldn't eat...."

**7\. If**

 

What does he want?  I go up and ask him.  "Hey, creep, why're you staring at me?"

 

"Well, you're a bold one, aren't you."

 

"Why are your eyes yellow?"

 

"The better to eat you with, my dear," he says as if it's a joke, but it's just stupid.

 

"You can't eat people with your eyes."

 

"Well, humans certainly can't."

 

"Are you an alien or something?"

 

"If I was, what would you do?" he asks.  I don't like how he's grinning.

 

"I dunno...."

 

"Call the police?  Watch me get dissected?  Steal all my superior technology in order to invade my homeworld?"

 

That kind of thing happens in the movies, but it sounds weird to hear him say it, like none of it would ever happen if he was an alien for real.

 

"You're not an alien, you just make dumb jokes."

 

"Alas, my grasp of Earth humor can use some fine-tuning," he says, but he's still smiling like that's a joke, too.

 

"Whatever.  Bye."

 

"Good-bye, Axel."

 

**8\. Enchantment**

 

The other kids at school complain about getting baby-sat, but...I kind of like it.  I like my new aunts and uncles a lot.

 

Aunt Ella is reading us a bedtime story.  "...and as soon as her lips touched the frog's smooth, slimy head, the enchantment was broken, and he transformed into a handsome prince!"

 

Roxas is already asleep in the arm she's not holding the book with.  I'm sitting next to her on the bed with my head on her shoulder, and I'm too tired to keep my eyes open but I like listening to her read.  She has a pretty voice.

 

"...and so they got married and lived happily ever after."  I feel her close the book.  "The end~!"

 

"Mm."

 

"Did you like the story, Axel?"

 

I'm too tired to talk.  "Nngh."

 

"Are the fairy tales all right with you, or would you like me to read from a chapter book next time?"

 

I don't care.  Hearing Ella read is hearing Ella read, it doesn't matter what she's reading.  "Mrrrrh."

 

She kisses my hair.  "Good night, Axel sweetheart.  I love you."

 

It feels weird to say to anyone else, but for some reason I don't mind saying it to Aunt Ella.  I wish she was my mom instead of Mom.  "Loveyoutoo."

**9\. Dancer**

 

I _hate_ playing DDR and Guitar Hero and all those other music games, Demyx always always ALWAYS wins and I bet he _cheats_.

 

But everyone at the birthday party's had a turn at DDR and I don't like how they're looking at me, like they think I won't play because my score will suck so much next to theirs.  "Fine!  It's my turn, _move_."

 

I don't care what song it is, this whole thing is stupid so I just let the girl pick.  I hate this game, hate it...stupid arrows...stomp stomp stomp, Demyx I wish I could stomp your face in, it's not _fair_ he's a better dancer than me I bet he actually--

 

I won.  What?  I got the highest score at the whole party.  The _highest score_.  What?!  What?!  I'm the best?!  Demyx isn't here, and he's the only one I can't beat but I guess I'm better than everyone else...?!  "HAH!  I'm awesome!"

**10\. Excuse**

 

Don't look at me like that _don't_ look at me like that!  You're supposed to never get mad, Dad, DON'T!  I'm sorry!  I won't do it again just stop being mad at me!

 

"So that's your excuse?" he says in this scary flat voice.

 

I don't know what to say.

 

" _Look_ me in the eyes when I'm talking to you, Axel," he says, so loud and kind of mad that I get scared and look at him.  I can't stand it so I look away, but he holds my chin and makes me look at him again.  I feel sick.  I'm gonna throw up.  I wish I hadn't done it but it's too late now and I can't fix it even though I really really want to, what do I do?!  "I need you to explain to me, in your own words, _what exactly was going through your head_ when you did this.  Did you think this was a _good idea_?  Did--?"  He stops talking and lets go of me and takes a deep breath, and suddenly I just run.  I know I shouldn't, it'll just be worse later, but I couldn't stand it, it _hurts_.  I wish I could hide in a hole and never come out.

 

It takes a long time, but Dad finally finds me.  I don't move or say anything as if he won't see me if I'm quiet, but of course he sees me, I know he's looking right at me.  He sits down next to me.  I wish he'd yell at me, so I can yell back and feel better, but he doesn't say _anything_ , so I feel like crying instead but I really don't want to.

 

He puts his hand on my head.  "Hey.  Ax."  His voice is all soft like he's not mad anymore, and that's even worse.  I can't say anything even if I wanted to, because I'll cry if I do.  "I apologize for getting angry."

 

I'm sorry.  I'm really, really sorry.  I wish I could fix it, but I can't, and I don't know what to do.

 

"...Axel?"

 

"...."

 

"I do really need you to talk to me, though."

 

"...It wasn't my fault."  My voice surprises me, all thick and scratchy.  It hurts to talk.

 

"It wasn't?" he says, like he doesn't believe me, and of course he doesn't because of course it was my fault.

 

"...Dad...."

 

"What is it, Axel?" he says, and he sounds so friggin' _nice_ , it's not fair.

 

"Can I...pay you...back?"

 

"That's not really--"  He's been kind of patting my hair a little all this time, and it felt nice, but now he stops.  He puts his hands on my shoulders and tries to make me sit up, but I really, really, really don't want to, I _can't_ look at him.  "Axel.  Please look at me."  He doesn't sound mad anymore, but I know I have to look at him even though I really don't want to, so I make myself.  It _hurts_.  "Axel, I need to hear an apology.  Please.  Please tell me you're sorry."

 

"...I'm sorry."  As soon as I say it, I burst into tears, I hate myself but then he hugs me and it feels _so good_ to be hugged, it doesn't hurt as much anymore.  "I'm sorry, Dad...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...."

 

"Ssshh, Ax, it's all right.  I forgive you."

**11\. Inspiration**

 

We're coloring together.  I'm giving Santa a blue-and-purple suit and a green beard and evil red demon eyes.  Roxas has a yellow crayon and is happily scribbling over the elf on the other page.  "That's beauuuutiful, Roxas.  Good job coloring!"

 

"Goo."  He flops to the side and puts his face on my knee for some reason, then after a second he rolls back and goes back to coloring.  He left a drool mark on my jeans.

 

"Thanks, buddy."

 

"Aaah."  He reaches over and starts scribbling yellow on my Santa.

 

"Is that supposed to be pee or something?"

 

"Eee."

 

"He drank too much milk, huh."

 

"Uh."

 

"Roxas."

 

He just keeps coloring.

 

"Heh.  'Roxas' is hard to say, isn't it.  Raaaaah."

 

"Ah."

 

Dad comes in, carrying a basket of laundry.  "Oooohh, nice work, boys!"

 

"Christmas is very inspirational," I tell him.  "We're making a story where Demon Santa drank too much milk and peed on the roof."

 

Dad laughs.  "I see."

 

"Da."  Roxas lets go of the crayon, crawls over to Dad, and sits on his foot.

 

"Aww, big guy."  Dad puts down the basket and scoops up Roxas, who laughs.  "You rock my _world_!" Dad says, lifting Roxas up and down, and up and down.  "You rock my _world_!  And my socks!  And everything!"

 

Roxas keeps laughing and hits Dad's head with both hands.

 

"Ow!"

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  "Fresh Breeze" is the Japanese name of Ven's default Keyblade in _Birth by Sleep_.

 

3\. Rivalry - ...There was a tiny censored part because I couldn't imagine Axel saying anything else, but it just seemed too crass in a fanfiction context. -.-  I don't think it would have sounded quite as bad with original characters who don't have fandom baggage.

 

5\. Laughter - Axel heard the expression "Rocks my socks" from Ven, then turned it into a nickname for Roxas, which Ven soon picked up on. :)

 

7\. If - The yellow-eyed creep who mysteriously knew Axel's name was Xehanort. :p


	58. Eighty-seven, chapter 5 {Stepsibs-Axel}

**_Eighty-seven_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic by Raberba girl**

**Part 5 (rough draft)**

**Teenage Axel**

 

When I wake up, it's dark.  Evil Saïx is back, he's pulled the boards off one of the windows and is now just kind of standing there...glowing.  And his hair's floating.  Not blowing in a breeze, _floating_.  It's really, really, really creep--

 

"MOON!  SHINE DOWN!

 

"FLAMING--!"  Then I curl up and cover my head out of instinct, because suddenly he's roaring like an animal and smashing stuff.  How much like a cage is this thing?  Will it protect me if he comes over here, or will that huge club of his come whipping straight through these nothing-ribbons and crush me to death?  "I'm sorry," I whisper, but of course no one can hear me.  If I die, I'll never see the people I love ever again.  Did I mess up anywhere?  If I'd figured things out sooner, done something different, could I have avoided all this?

 

He finally goes quiet again, and when I dare to look, he's kneeling on the floor looking half-asleep.  Did he work himself into a frenzy and then burn himself out?  "Hey...S--  Saïx?"

 

There's no answer.  Finally, he gets sloooowly to his feet, and I'm afraid he'll come over here, but he just stares back at the moon and spreads his arms like he's waiting to get shot, and after a minute he starts glowing again.  "Saïx, please stop," I say, but I'm too scared to say it loud enough for him to actually hear me.

 

He goes into the whole "HULK SMASH!" thing again, and I try to watch this time even though I'm still terrified.  It's _crazy_ how strong he is...whenever he notices me again, I'll be dust....

 

Almost as soon as he slows down and starts to slump, there's a crash.  People--

 

It's my family.  Xem and Xigbar and Van.  They knock him down and he _is_ too exhausted to fight back, he barely even moves when they tie him up.  "Wow, that was easy," Van laughs.

 

" _That_ is why I said to wait," Xem says in this 'Why does no one ever listen to me?!' voice that's almost - whiny, or at least would be if his voice wasn't so deep.  I've _never_ heard him sound that way before.

 

"Good call, bro."  Xigbar yanks Saïx back upright, and Saïx just sits there like he's drugged.  "Van, watch him."  Then he and Xem come over to me.

 

I try to get up, but it's hard, I'm all shaky.  "Xem...."

 

"Aw, what's a cute kid like you doin' in a place like this?"

 

"Shut up, Xigbar," I say.

 

Xem looks at the nothing-ribbons for a while, then takes a business card out of his wallet and touches it to one of them.  Nothing happens.

 

"They're like nothing," I say, "but they won't let me through.  They'll make you sick if you touch them."

 

Xigbar puts his whole hand on a ribbon, then after a while says "Blech" and takes it away.

 

"Van, come here," Xem orders.  "We need your help."

 

Van stops kicking not-Saïx, who still has no expression on his face, and ambles over to join us.

 

"It really is made of nothing," Xigbar says wonderingly.

 

"Then just _fill_ it," Van says in annoyance, and starts doomgazing my cage.

 

"Ah," Xem says, and "Ohhh, nice," Xigbar says, then they both start doomgazing, too.  The freaky ribbons _finally_ disappear.

 

"Aaaaahhhh!"  I want to run back and forth across the room and jump around, and at the same time I want to collapse into a really soft bed and cuddle with something cute.  " _Finally_!"

 

"What're we gonna do with X-Face over there?" Van asks.

 

"Take him home for now," says Xem.  "It will also give us the chance to get Axel out of the way before we proceed."

 

"Oh, am I inconveniencing you?  _Sorry_ for making you go to all the trouble of rescuing your son!"  I still want to hug him in relief, but he's not being cuddly enough for me to actually try.  I miss Saïx - my Saïx - more than ever....

 

"You did good Ax," Xigbar says, and I stare at him.  He's grinning, and the weird thing is that he seems to really mean it.  "We'll take it from here, 'kay?"

 

I'm not so sure I'm happy about that, but I'll let them do what they want for now....

 

Saïx is acting like a robot in hibernation mode now.  He doesn't speak or change expression the whole way home, he doesn't even move unless he's told to.  "Did you wipe his brain or something?" I ask suspiciously.

 

"He doesn't have a brain," Van says, poking his face.  Saïx sways a little, but doesn't otherwise react.

 

"Hey, Saïx," I say.  " _Sai_."  Saïx glances at me by moving only his eyes, then away again.  He seems almost dismissive, and weirdly, it makes me feel a little better.  I hope he's ignoring me on purpose and not because my crazy doomgazers broke him.  I wave my hand in front of his face (he doesn't blink).  "Heeeeey, Saïx.  You awake?  Say something.  Anything."

 

To my surprise, he finally turns his head and looks straight at me.  He just studies me for a while, like I'm a book he's trying to decide whether to buy or not.  Finally he says, "It really was more helpful to have a partner.  But it doesn't matter now.  I'm still perfectly capable of working alone."  Then he looks away again.

 

"I hope that meant what I thought it did," Xigbar remarks from the front.

 

"If he meant what you think, he wouldn't have said anything," Van says.

 

"True.  Too bad."

 

"Is Earth being invaded by aliens?" I ask.

 

"Yup~" Xigbar says, but Van makes a scoffing sound and Xem sighs a little, so I don't know if I can take him seriously.

 

"Did Saïx get taken by some sort of body-snatcher?"

 

"Now that's the million dollar question, isn't it."

 

"...This is why you have no friends, Xigbar," I say.  "I bet you couldn't give anyone a straight answer to save your life."

 

"Stop talking in the presence of our captive," Xem orders.

 

"And Xem, like, it doesn't _bother_ you that it's your son you've got tied up back here?"

 

" _Silence_."

 

When we get to Aunt Aqua's house, they all make me get out of the car and go up alone.  By the time my entire family has glomped me and finished their happy yelling and offering me everything from food to a bath to video games, the doomgazers are already long gone.

 

"Where'd Xem and the others go?" Terra asks.

 

"I dunno."  Xion's clinging to my back like a monkey, and Roxas is holding both my arms and waving them.  "They found me and drove me here, but I dunno where they went after that...."

 

"You came back, Axel!" Xion says happily.

 

"Couldn't stay away from you princess.  Rox, Xi, I missed you guys a LOT."

 

"You beat the bad Saïx," Roxas says.

 

"Well, Xem and the others did...."

 

"Axel, where's the good Saïx?" Xion asks urgently.

 

I gently get my arms free of Roxas, take hold of Xion, and maneuver her back to her feet.  "I don't know, Xi.  I'm...worried about him."  I don't know if I should say that to two little kids, but it's really, really true.

 

"We'll save him like we saved you," Roxas says.

 

"Of course.  I need a shower first, though."  It's a super-quick one, just a few minutes to get all the dirt and grime off.  I don't even gel my hair afterwards, I don't _comb_ it.  I just wrestle it all into the messiest, hugest, most tangled ponytail ever, then throw on some clothes.  To my joy, Roxas and Xion are playing on handheld video games right outside the bathroom door, as if they couldn't bear to be separated from me.  It's really convenient.  "Hey, guys!"

 

"What happened to your head?"

 

"Forget my hair.  Hey, you wanna go on an adventure?"  It's probably a bad, bad idea to take them along, but I can't help feeling like if the real Saïx needs our help, he'll need _all_ of us, not just me.  Roxas always sees so clearly, and sometimes catches things the rest of us miss; and if our brother really is trapped inside his own body, then if anyone can get through to him, it's Xion....

 

"We _are_ gonna save Sai-Sai, I knew it!"

 

"I'm gonna go get my sword."

 

The cousins are all up for it.  Even Demyx agrees to go when I tell him his main job is to help Aeris look after the kids, since the others'll help me fight if we have to.  Gippal will stay home and cover for us, and will bring in our parents if things go horribly wrong; Jaq's driving.  We pile into the minivan and take off.

 

_"Ninety-nine bottles of Coke on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of Coke--!"_

 

"Shut up, Demyx!"

 

"Axel," Aeris says, "I think this would be a good time for you to tell us everything you know about what's going on."

 

"I don't _know_ anything.  But what I've picked up on from all the mysterious comments and Xem's fail mind meld is...."  I glance at my brother and sister.  "Rox, Xi, this might be really scary, okay?"

 

"Okay," Roxas says.  The thing is, he's not really afraid of anything except getting abandoned.

 

"Roxas, listen to me.  Even if something bad happens to all of us and you get left all alone, you have to do your best to stay safe, okay?  Hide if you need to.  You know all the phone numbers?  You'll call the aunts and uncles if you're alone and we're gone and we can't help you anymore?"

 

Roxas looks at me for a while.  Then he says, "It's dangerous," like he only just now realized it.  "If you disappear like Saïx, I'll get you back, Axel."

 

"Not alone, Roxas!"

 

"I'll get help.  I'll call Aunt Aqua and Uncle Zack and Uncle Terra and Uncle Reno and we'll all get you back."

 

Close enough.  "Good.  And Xion?"

 

"I might have to fight, too," she says in a small voice.

 

"Or you might have to hide."

 

"It might be really scary.  But I'll hide and I'll watch and I'll be brave, because my brothers need help."

 

"Good."  I look at all my cousins.  "I think aliens might have come and taken over Saïx's body.  Xem and Van and Xigbar _knew_ , they've been fighting them for who knows how long, and maybe they're...."  I glance at the kids again.  "...doing...bad...things...to the fake Saïx...so they can get what they need to win.  But I don't want them to hurt the real Saïx."  The thought makes me feel sick.

 

Demyx smiles like he thinks I'm joking, but everyone else looks dead serious.  Demyx realizes they're all dead serious and stops smiling.  "Is _that_ why Saïx and them can doomgaze?  Because they're aliens?"

 

That would actually explain a lot....

 

"We can't make assumptions," Aeris says.  " _Any_ assumptions.  Our first priority is to get as much information as possible."

 

Wait.  "But--"

 

"Not you, Axel," she says, and she's smiling.  "You and your siblings do whatever you need to do.  Leave the kids to us; Demyx, you and I are their guardians.  Jaq, you watch, sneak around, find out as much as you can."

 

Jaq salutes.

 

"Zidane, you're on standby for all of us.  Step in whenever anyone needs anything."

 

"Gotcha."

 

Her voice softens.  "Roxas?  Xion?"

 

They look at her hopefully.

 

"You're like eggs.  Okay?  You're very, very special, and very, very fragile.  You're the most important, and you're also the easiest to break.  All of us are going to work really hard to make sure you stay safe, but also to make sure you can do whatever you need to do.  Axel might need you, and you have to do _whatever he says_ , even if he says to stay back.  Okay?"

 

They stare at her.

 

"And you stay with me and Demyx.  No sneaking off.  We're all a team, all of us have to work _together_ , okay?  We don't know anything that's going to happen, but we all have to trust each other."

 

"I should have stayed home," Demyx mutters.

 

Xion holds Aeris's hands.  "Okay, Aeris."

 

Roxas's hands tighten on his toy 'sword,' as if he's mentally gearing up.

 

"I shouldn't have brought them," I say.

 

"If you didn't, you'd have wished you had," Jaq chuckles.

 

Zidane reaches over to ruffle their heads.  "You guys are tough, huh?  You can handle it."

 

"But I'm scared," Xion says unhappily.

 

"It's okay to be scared, sweetheart," Aeris says.  "You can be scared and brave at the same time."

 

Xion smiles a little.  "Oh."

 

When we get to our house, the porch light is on, but most of the windows are dark.  We park the car as out of the way as we can and then find a place to hide by the fence.  Jaq and Zidane head out for recon, then finally text us to say that Xem and the others seem to be alone in the back.  We all sneak around there to regroup.

 

"The alarm's not set," Zidane whispers.  "Jaq thinks he can get into the attic from the outside."

 

"Both of you go," Aeris whispers.  "Zidane, you stay in the attic; Jaq, see if you can get down into the house and open a door or window for us."

 

They all glance at me, as if for confirmation.  It's nice of them, since not only has Aeris sort of taken over command of the operation, but she's pretty good at it.  "Yeah.  Go for it."

 

If I wasn't so worried about Saïx, all the sneaking around would be pretty fun.  By the time we're all inside, clustered in the utility room, Jaq's back to report that he checked the rest of the house and it really does seem to be empty except for our targets, who are all in the same room.  We all sneak toward the den, and I'm surprised at how quiet everyone manages to be.  Zidane and Jaq in particular are utterly soundless, and Jaq's holding Roxas in a way where he can easily guide his movements.  Roxas's jaw is clenched and his brow is furrowed, like he's using all his concentration to watch what Jaq is doing and keep quiet.  Aeris is carrying Xion on her back, and Xion's got all her limbs wrapped tightly around her.  But Xion's looking around, too, like she doesn't want to miss a thing.  Demyx is practically on my heels, and I'm about to get annoyed and swat him away before I finally realize he looks scared.  I touch his sleeve and give him a questioning look, and he smiles sheepishly back at me.

 

We can hear voices now.  "...but that shouldn't even be _possible_ unless there's a second one," Xem's saying.

 

"That's the thing, the old man doesn't even know," Xigbar says.  "He'd _know_ if he had company."

 

"How do you--"

 

"I _checked_ ," Van snaps.  "Trust me, Gramps has no clue.  He thinks tonight's just a normal night, and this loser's still empty and waiting."

 

"Don't talk about my son like that--"

 

Xigbar interrupts, I guess talking to Saïx.  "Oi, X-Face, I'm starting to wonder if you really are empty.  Literally."

 

I can see them reflected in the hall mirror.  Xem and Xigbar and Van are all standing around arguing; Saïx is still tied up, sitting on the couch like a statue and gazing at something across the room.  The clock.  It's about 8:30.  Is he staring at _it_ , or just off into space?

 

Jaq texts us carefully, and our silenced phones all light up.  _"distraction?"_

 

Aeris starts to nod, but I hold out a hand to stop them.  I can see in the mirror that Saïx just stood up.

 

"Oi, where do you think you're going?"

 

Saïx doesn't answer.  The ropes just fall away, then he raises his hand and opens another one of those black portal things.

 

"Making a run for it, huh?" Xigbar says.

 

Van starts to lunge at Saïx, but Xem unexpectedly holds him back.  "It might be to our advantage to see where this path leads."  Saïx has no reaction, even though he had to have heard him.

 

The four of them step into the portal.  And I suddenly know what I have to do.  "I'm going."

 

Aeris grips my arm.  "You sure, bro?" Demyx asks.

 

"Yeah."  I lean down to kiss my brother and sister as fast as I can.  I get the feeling I barely have any time.  "I love you guys!"

 

"Axel--!"

 

I have to go - the portal's already getting smaller.  I duck through and nearly freeze at how weird it looks and feels inside, but duh, I've seen this before, it looked like this when Saïx kidnapped me, too.  The others are ahead and I hurry to catch up with them.

 

"Heh!  Glad you could join us," Xigbar laughs.

 

"Axel, what are you doing here?" Xem demands, and I flinch away from his doomgaze.

 

"I just--"

 

" _Hey_!"  I catch a glimpse of Van's horrified face before he darts behind me.

 

I have no idea what he's doing until I turn around and see that a couple of other people made it through the portal before it closed.  "Ah!"

 

Van's already scooped up Xion into his arms.

 

"V-Vani...it's cold...."

 

He hugs her tightly and glares at me as he marches back past to rejoin his dad.

 

"Rox...."  I pick him up, too, and he huddles miserably against me.  "You guys jumped in after me?"

 

"Aer-ris...said we could...."

 

"...I'm sorry, Rox."  I barely even notice the soul-sucking feeling of this place anymore, I'm so preoccupied trying to protect Roxas.  The others are getting farther away, none of them waiting for me, though Xion's reaching desperately over Van's shoulder.  "I didn't know we were going to be coming in here.  I thought....  Roxas, I'm sorry."

 

"We have to save Saïx," he mumbles.

 

I love him so much.  "Let's stick together, okay?"

 

"Okay."

 

I can't believe evil Saïx is ignoring us all, even Van and Xigbar who keep bugging him, but I guess it's waaaaay better than him getting mad and trying to pulverize us.

 

"Hey," Xion suddenly says next to me, "who's that?"

 

"It's Axel," Roxas says, sounding really surprised.

 

"Yeah, I'm here," I say, but I'm staring past evil Saïx, at the people in black coming toward us.  Four, I think.  One of them has bright red hair, it actually...looks a lot like mine...and one of the others--  can't be--  looks like--"

 

"SAIX!" Xion yells.  She struggles in Van's arms until he has to let her go, and she breaks into a run.

 

Roxas is wriggling to get down, too.  "Wait--" I say, trying to keep hold of him, but he manages to get free.

 

The guy in the distance started running, too; he and Xion are the first to meet, he snatches her up and my heart's in my mouth until I hear her screaming Saïx's name over and over again and realize she's not fighting him, she's hugging him.  But - if he's Saïx, who's the guy with us?!

 

"Saïx!" Roxas yells.  He jogs past all of us and glomps the other Saïx, too, and now we're close enough that flaming pants it _is_ him, glasses and all, WHY ARE THERE TWO OF HIM?!

 

Why are there two of ME?!

 

"Oi!" the other Axel's yelling at evil Saïx, throwing up his arms and looking happy and annoyed at the same time, "Couldn't be bothered to _fill me in_?  Did Zebra-sama give you direct orders to leave me out of the loop?  I wanna say I'm mad at you, but I'm actually mad you came BACK!  I'd rather keep your replica!"

 

Evil Saïx brings out that club thing, and I nearly collapse in shock and excitement when I see other-me whip out a couple of flaming death wheels like he's been slinging them around all his life.  "Hoooooly...."

 

"Axel," someone asks me, "can I...fix your hair?  Please?"

 

It's a girl's voice.  Like, a young woman's voice, not a little girl's, even though it sounds familiar, and it throws me off so that I gape at them for a few seconds before I realize what I'm seeing.  "D...Da--"  Of course it's not Dad, idiot, of _course_ it's not, even though he looks EXACTLY FRIGGIN' LIKE HIM, but if the girl in the black coat talking to me is, is other-Xion, flaming pants, this is Roxas?  This is--?  _What_...?!  They're HUGE!!!!

 

"Roxas, Xion, this is Axel - my brother, Axel.  ...Axel, what on earth happened to your hair?"

 

"SAIX!" I yell, he's standing right next to me with Roxas and Xion - my Roxas and Xion - happily hanging off him, and he's little and nerdy again and spewing all sorts of happy fluffy stuff from his eyes, so I glomp the heck out of him.

 

"Ow--  _Ow_ , Axel, get off!"

 

"We found him~!" my Rox and Xi chorus happily.

 

Evil Saïx and other-me had been fighting - it looks pretty cool, and I'd be riveted if I wasn't, you know, _distracted by more important things_ \- but then other-me sees us and his mouth drops open.  Evil Saïx catches him with a blow that leaves me gasping just to _watch_ , but other-me, when he straightens back up, just looks ticked off and hurls one of the death wheels at evil Saïx's head.  "We could TALK instead of fight, you know!"

 

"I had to determine your identity," evil Saïx says flatly.  "Were you aware of any of this, Axel?"

 

"NO!  And you'd _better_ have been just as clueless, or I'll KILL you!"

 

"Why are they fighting?" Xion whimpers.

 

"He really is a jerk," big Roxas complains.  "Saïx, can you _please_ stay?  I don't want him, I want you."

 

"No," my Saïx says, and he holds my arm.  "I have to go home."

 

Big Xion leans down and braces her hands on her knees to get a better look at he kids.  "Ooooh, they're so little."

 

"Roxas?" I say, looking at big Roxas.  I'm almost scared of him.

 

He cocks his head to the side, looking at me curiously.  I want to hug him so bad.  But I'm distracted by the shocked, wondering look on Van's face as he stares at big Xion, and by other-me, who'd kind of flumped down to his knees and is now staring at my Roxas and Xion like he's a starving man wondering if they're a mirage.

 

"So it's true," Xem murmurs.  "There really is another world...."

 

"Which we won't get to see if we dilly-dally," Xigbar says, waltzing past us to follow evil Saïx, who's stalking away.  "Let's move, ladies!"

 

"What?  I'm not a lady!" big Roxas says indignantly.  "Neither is Axel, or Saïx.  Or the other Axel.  Or the little me, and Lord Xemnas and that other guy...."

 

"Can I hold him?" big Xion asks Saïx shyly.

 

Saïx looks down at Roxas, who hides his face.  "She's not my sister," he mumbles.

 

"Don't think of her as your sister," Saïx says.  "She's just a young lady who wants to get to know you better."

 

Roxas lifts his head and glares at big Xion.  "You can't touch my hair, and you can't hug me.  We'll only shake hands."

 

"Oh.  Okay."  She holds out her hand, and he shakes it, then they look at each other.  He smiles at her, and she smiles back.

 

Xion's gone trotting over to other-me.  "Hi!"

 

"So little," he whispers.

 

"Are you mean like the other Saïx?"

 

"N-No--  I mean, sort of...."  He was already kneeling, but now he slumps down and rests his hands on the floor; he'll be groveling in a second if he keeps going.  I'm not that pathetic, am I...?

 

"You and the mean Saïx fight a lot," she says sadly.

 

He reaches out and very gently touches her shoulders, his fingertips practically hovering.  "Please?"

 

She doesn't bother giving him permission, she just hugs him.  He wraps her in his arms and gets to hug her back for two seconds, until Van marches over and practically shoves him over with his foot.  "Don't _touch_ her."

 

The other me eyes Xion.  "Can I hurt him?"

 

"No," Xion says sympathetically.

 

"Dang it."  Then his face hardens into a scary glare when Van shoves him again.

 

Now that Roxas has gotten more comfortable with big Xion, Saïx and I both have our arms free, and I hug him.  "Saïx... _Saïx_.  We were so friggin' worried."

 

"I'm sorry," he says softly.  "I didn't mean to leave."

 

I pull back and frown at him in confusion.  "But wait, if you're here and the other Saïx is still here, then that means you _didn't_ get possessed by aliens?"

 

"What in heaven's name are you talking about?"

 

"Hey," big Roxas says, "they're leaving us behind.  I don't know how long the dark corridors will stay connected, so I think we should go."  I hug him, too.  "Ah!"

 

"You're so big!  How are you so big?!"

 

"You're kind of smaller than my Axel," he observes.  "What happened to your hair?"

 

"I, uh, didn't get a chance to comb it...."

 

"We do need to go," Saïx says.  He starts unzipping his long black coat, which looks exactly like his evil clone's.  It's even weirder seeing my Saïx wearing it than it was seeing evil Saïx.  "Xion, come here."

 

"But--"

 

"Just let them fight; come _here_."  He wraps her in the coat and ends up carrying her, explaining to me that the coats protect people from the soul-sucking feeling.  Once we manage to drag other-me and Van away from each other, my other self takes off his coat, too, and zips my Roxas into it.  I stare at the bare flesh of other-me's arms, and his jutting collarbones.  "I'm not _that_ skinny, am I?"

 

Saïx snorts and doesn't answer.

 

"Hey!"

 

"Come on," says other-me.  We kind of eye each other sideways as we walk.  He's taller than me, and I don't _think_ there are any scars hidden in the ink of his tattoos, and something about his eyes really bothers me.  "So...hi, I guess, Lea-that-never-was."

 

"Lea?"

 

"...It's my name."

 

Big Roxas frowns.  "Your name is Axel."

 

"It's a long story...."

 

"I'll fill you in," Saïx says.  "But all of you, pick up the pace, I want to get out of here as soon as possible."

 

_To be continued...._

 

Author's Notes:  I hadn't planned to update this anytime soon, but someone left a review on another story that reminded me of it, so I re-read it, and got in the mood to write some more of it. ^^;  This chapter ended up longer than I expected....  I would have posted it earlier today, but I got distracted by _a certain someone_ whom I hope I never have to deal with again.  (If you think I'm talking about you, I'm not.  Unless you happen to have ignored my commission correspondence for four months, but that person has made it clear that they want nothing to do with me, so that person is most likely not you.)

 

I ran into a logistics dilemma (realized that Xem had left RokuShi home alone X'D), so I had to try to solve it in a limited amount of time, and I'm not sure I did a very good job.  If Axel bringing RokuShi and the cousins along turns out to be a bad idea, I guess I'll try to fix it in the final draft....


	59. Lights in Shadow, Fifty Moments - Abuse (theme 20) {Third person, Axel, Saix, Roxas, & Xion}

**_Stepsiblings_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic series by Raberba girl; 50 theme challenge by Wishing-Fire**

**Lights in Shadow, Fifty Moments**

**Abuse (theme 20) [rough draft]**

 

Summary:  Roxas & Xion discover one of the darker aspects of their older brothers' pasts.

 

A/N:  Takes place when they're all adults.  I'm not sure exactly when, but Roxas is at least 18, probably older.

 

o.o.o

 

Axel and Saïx were arguing comfortably when they finally returned from their shopping trip that was only supposed to have taken fifteen minutes, yet had stretched out for more than an hour.  They both paused in surprise when they saw their younger siblings.

 

Roxas and Xion were sitting close together on the couch, their hands full of papers, staring at their older brothers with stricken eyes.

 

"What's up?" Axel asked.

 

"Axel," Roxas whispered.

 

Saïx frowned.  "What is wrong with you?"

 

"Oh, Saïx," Xion said, her voice thick with tears.

 

Saïx stiffened as he guessed what must have happened.  "What chapter is that?" he demanded.  "I _told_ you not to read through the drafts until I could get them sorted out."

 

Axel suddenly seemed tense, too.  "Hey...hey, come help us unload the car first, okay?  Thanks to _a certain someone_ , we ended up--"

 

Xion made her way unsteadily to her brother, threw her arms around him, and burst into tears.  Saïx, even as he returned the embrace, glared at the paper on the floor that had fallen closest to him, recognizing just enough of the text to confirm that it was what he had feared.

 

Axel was shocked to see Roxas crying, too, as the young man approached him.  "Axel...was it really--  Did that really happen?"

 

"Saïx," Xion sobbed, "Saïx...I didn't know...I didn't know it was like that, I--"

 

"Of course you didn't know," Saïx snapped.  "I deliberately tried to preserve your ignorance.  I wasn't about to slander my own mother, particularly when no good would come of--"

 

" _Saïx_...!"

 

"We're changing a lot, remember?" Axel said uncomfortably, shifting in a restless way and unable to meet his younger brother's eyes.  "It's a 'fictionalized autobiography,' we--"

 

He went silent as Roxas's thumb touched the scar on his face, the other fingers curling in an angry grip.  "You lied to me."

 

Axel wanted the floor to open up and swallow him.

 

"How could you never _tell me_?  That _Mom_ did this to you?!  This was...because of me...?"

 

"Not because of you!" Axel cried, grabbing him in sudden desperation.  "You had _nothing to do_ with any of it, Roxas, you weren't even _born_ yet--"

 

"I thought you were _joking_ when you said you hated me before I was born!"

 

"I didn't say I--!"

 

"Why didn't you _tell_ anyone?!  You just _let_ her beat you and scar you and you didn't even tell _Dad_ , you never even told _me_ all these years--?!"

 

"Shut up, Roxas!  _Listen_ to me!  I did what I _had_ to do, I couldn't lose my family, I couldn't lose _you_ , I couldn't lose Dad, if Dad ever found out about me and looked at me like that I would've _died_ , if I'd lost my dad and my little brother because I couldn't keep my mouth shut, I would have _died_ \--"

 

Roxas jerked free and backed away.  "So Dad was the kind of guy who'd've ditched you if he found out you were being abused?" he said angrily.  " _That's_ what my father was like?"

 

"No, I...!"  For the first time, Axel realized that of course Ven would never have rejected him for such a thing, that perhaps he and his mother had more in common than he'd thought.  Both desperate to hide their true feelings, to pretend they were better than they actually were, to cling so fiercely to what they loved that they ended up losing it anyway....  "I love you," he choked out.  "I'd do _anything_ for you, Roxas.  Anything."

 

"Everything that Axel has done," Saïx said, "has been to protect you.  He--"

 

"Shut up!" Xion screamed, and Saïx's Shield crumbled as she shoved him against the wall.  "Everything you said about Mother, about her being some kind of angel in a better place who loved us so much, _you_ lied, too!  She was a horrible person who _hurt_ you all the time, but all these years you've been _protecting_ her, telling me lies about her!  Why would you do that?!  _Why_?!"

 

"I...sh-she's long gone, there's no use--"

 

" _These_ are for her, right?" Roxas snarled, squeezing one of the studs in Saïx's ears until he winced.  "I've always, always thought it was so weird you'd wear jewelry like this, but it's for _her_ \- like you're pinning down all the bad memories so you'll never lose them.  That's _sick_ , Saïx!"

 

"Leave him alone," Axel said angrily, shoving Saïx free.  The two elder siblings faced the two younger ones, all four tense as if poised for battle.

 

"Look at you," Roxas said bitterly.  "He doesn't need defending from Xion, because she loves him.  But you're protecting him like you've protected _Mom_ all this time, and Saïx you've been protecting _your_ mom, so you guys thought it was THE BEST IDEA EVER to freaking _lie_ to us, always, always lying because you think we're still useless little kids who can't handle knowing the truth about our parents!  Is that it?!  We're still just little brats you can't ever trust?"

 

 _'Stop,'_ Axel mouthed, now crying also and unable to speak.

 

Saïx had an arm around him for support.  "We did our best," he said, as evenly as possible.  "Of course you were going to find out eventually.  We didn't want it to be like this, but we _were_ going to tell you."

 

"When?" Xion said.  " _When_?"

 

"Let's just leave," Roxas said, taking her hand and trying to tug her away.

 

"Roxas," Axel begged, placing a hand on the wall as if he could no longer stand on his own.  "Please...."

 

"Xion.  Roxas."

 

The younger two paused, Roxas's jaw tight, Xion looking miserable.

 

"The four of us are family.  You're angry, but of course you still love us just as much as we love you.  Have...compassion."

 

"I just wanted..." Axel tried to say, "all I wanted...was just...."

 

"We did our best," Saïx continued quietly.  "We were only children ourselves.  We _tried_.  We've made so very many mistakes, but we've done our best.  We've...."  He sighed in resignation and went on in a lower voice.  "We've been terrified you'll reject and hurt us, and sure enough, here you are, you've found out and immediately you're rejecting and hurting--"

 

Xion flung herself at her brothers to wrap her arms around both of them.  Roxas broke down into freer tears and came to join her; Axel clung to him as if to a lifeline.

 

"I'm sorry," Saïx whispered.  "I truly apologize."

 

"Saïx...Saïx, I love you so much...please don't ever lie to me again...."

 

Once they'd grown calmer, the four of them settled down with the drafts for a long night of discussion, revision, and healing.

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes:  I really need to get Saïx's 100 theme challenge finished and posted soon...there's so much in it, such as Saïx's book, that keeps showing up in stories which I write later but publish earlier.

 

What happened was that YAJJ left a review on _Scars_ that gave me an idea for a Norrie/Axel(/Saïx/Ella) fic, which I've been working on all day.  Part of the way through, I realized that I ought to draft this drabble first, so I did.  I still haven't finished the Norrie/Axel fic and probably won't be able to tonight, but I decided to post this one, since the draft is finished and would have been posted first anyway.

 

Complete:  6/100


	60. Battle Stance - Soul Eater (theme 20) {Axel}

**_Battle Stance_ ** **,** **Kingdom Hearts fanwork: Armory Challenge by RoseOfADifferentColor, written by Raberba girl**

**Stepsiblings:** **Soul Eater (theme 20) [rough draft]**

Summary: Unforgiveness eats away at the soul.

 

**A/N: If you don't already know, I changed the name of Axel's mother in _Stepsiblings_ to Eleanor (which she hates, so everyone calls her Norrie or Lenore).**

 

This is far in the future, Axel's POV. Axel is roughly 34 and married to Alice, who's about 24.

 

o.o.o

 

I've never been able to bring myself to tell her that I don't like it.

 

...I lied to her about it, too. I told her I got it in a fight when I was a wild teenager, and she's always just assumed that was the truth.

 

.........Maybe she keeps touching it like this because she can sense somehow that I'm lying.

 

We're in bed, it's dark and late, and it feels good to hold her in my arms but the sensation of her fingertips on my scar is slowly killing my buzz. The other scars, I don't mind, she's welcome to fondle them as much as she wants; but the one under my eye...the one that's supposed to be hidden, that she keeps going for like it's an Alice-magnet....

 

I finally take her hand and kiss it, relieved at the touch of cold air on my face and nothing else.

 

She's not fooled by my affectionate gesture. "Why don't you like when I touch it?" she murmurs curiously.

 

"Baby, you can touch whatever you want~"

 

She sits up. Dang it, I was nervous and forgot she doesn't like that particular flirtation style. "You know what I mean, Axel," and _dang_ it now it's not just an idle brush of the fingers, she's pressing her thumb right on it. It doesn't technically hurt, but I don't like it at all.

 

"Alice...it just kind of hurts, so I dunno, can you, like, not touch it?" Two lies in less than two minutes. I'm really on a roll, aren't I.

 

"I was just curious." She's always curious. _Usually_ it's cute. "Is that story going to be in the book?"

 

...The book. Crap. Sometimes I get why Saix is scared to death of publishing this thing. There's a lot of chapters I've managed to hide from Alice so far, but of course she's going to read them all once the book comes out.

 

...She's not the only one who's going to read it, either.

 

"Um...no. The story about...how I fought off a mugger and got my face cut...isn't gonna be in the book." Because it never happened.

 

The silence stretches out until she understands, then she lies down with me again, her hand now caressing the side of my neck rather than the scar. "Axel, dear."

 

"I'm not ready to tell you," I whisper. "I will...soon. But not yet."

 

She kisses me and cuddles closer, and within minutes, she's asleep. I wish I could sleep, too, but my thoughts won't cooperate.

 

o.o.o.o.o

 

It's weeks before I stop procrastinating, but finally I go over to Mom's house with a packet of papers in tow. She opens the door and it's all the usual smiles and greetings, come on in let me get you something to drink how are you blah blah blah. Even now I still procrastinate, letting the chat go on and on for over half an hour.

 

Finally she brings it up herself. "What's that you've got there?"

 

I look at the chapter lying beside me on the couch.

 

"Ohhhhh, is that for the book?" She hasn't read much of the book yet, but of course our whole family's heard about it by now.

 

"Yeah...yeah, it's...for the book." I pause. "Mom, I...think you probably ought to read at least some of it before it comes out."

 

"Oh. Well, let me see it, then!" She holds out her hand for the pages.

 

"...Mom, listen. Saix, really, really doesn't wanna publish the book. He only started writing it for fun, or to get it off his chest or whatever; it's me and Xion and Roxas, and the aunts and uncles and cousins and stuff, who keep pushing for it. Aunt Ella says she thinks it'll be inspirational to other people or whatever, Uncle Zack says it'll probably be a good career move for Saix since he's getting tired of teaching, Jaq and Gippal are just curious to know what it was like for us growing up, and Riku and Xigbar have some weird idea that it might be useful for alien-hunting or something, _I don't even know_...."

 

I take a deep breath. "Look, Mom. Saix didn't write this chapter to spite you or make you look bad or anything stupid like that, all right? Half of it he wrote for himself, and half of it he wrote because I _asked_ him to - because it _happened_. And I've kept it bottled up inside for _all these years_ , but it has to come out sometime, and this is me _warning you_ , okay? Because I'm _nice_."

 

She's glaring at me suspiciously now. "What's this book about, again? Isn't it Saix's autobiography or something?"

 

"...All of us, Mom. He's been working on it for years now, and it keeps getting bigger and bigger because _all_ of us keep giving him stuff to write. Me, Roxas, Xion; Riku, Namine, Sora, the aunts and uncles; heck, even Van, even _Larxene_ , freaking Xigbar keeps popping in with stuff...everyone's given him something. It's our story. Our whole family. And you're part of our family, so you're in it, and you're not gonna like it."

 

She snatches up the chapter and starts reading, and I watch her and try to stay calm. At first she gives a sort of dark, disbelieving chuckle, then her face drains of color. Then she looks angry, then scared. At first I think she's reacting to the first part with me and her, but then I realize she was still just reading Saix's part and hadn't even gotten to mine, because she reads some more and then suddenly she's like, "You _told_ him this?! About what a horrible brat you used to be?!"

 

 _'I.e., about how I'd push your buttons until you spanked my butt red, just so I could have a few minutes of your attention? Yes, Mom, I told him.'_ She's not even thinking about the gazillion people who are eventually gonna read this, she's talking about just _Saix_. That I obviously told him this story so he could write it down. And she hasn't even gotten to the part where she bashed my face in yet.

 

"Mom, I tell Saix _everything_."

 

"What?!"

 

She's never gotten it, that Saix is practically my twin, that he's kind of my soul mate except that I have a wife so I guess she's my soul mate too and I don't really know how that works.... But I trust Saix more than I probably trust anyone else, even Alice. Saix is the one I can bare my soul to and don't even remember to hesitate or feel scared about it, the one I never have to be careful around or hide from, the one who knows me so well that I never have to write my stories for him, I just tell him and then he writes me better than I write myself, understands things about me that I never realized. Of course I told him.

 

"Mom. You abused me when I was growing up." This kind of shocked silence hangs between us for a second, because we've never said anything like that to each other before. Never called it what it was. "You didn't just spank me, you _beat_ me, because you were angry and had no self-control."

 

"You--!"

 

"Not just once, a _lot_. You hit me, you called me names, you did things to me that no parent should ever do to their child--"

 

"Don't you _dare_ accuse me things like that when--!"

 

Calm, calm, calm, keep calm, no expression, no yelling, _stay calm_. "I used to hurt you on purpose. I _did_ , okay, Mom? I hurt you on _purpose_ , because I--"

 

"Exactly! It's like you were _trying_ to make me angry, _trying_ to--"

 

"I WASN'T FINISHED, Mom."

 

She glares at me.

 

I try to breathe deep and stay calm, calm, calm. "But no matter what I did, _you still shouldn't have treated me like that_."

 

"I--!"

 

"VEN never treated me like that."

 

There's another silence, and both of us are about to either blow up at each other or cry, but somehow we hang on.

 

"V-Ven...Dad...I did _horrible_ things to him, too, just as bad as I did to you - but he never, _never_ abused me. Do you understand, Mom? He never lost control, he never retaliated, and when he did get mad at me once in a blue moon - always because I provoked him, by the way - he'd _apologize_ afterward. He was never afraid to...." To show weakness, I suddenly realize. Dad was never afraid of being weak, even though Mom and I were both terrified of it. And the reason he wasn't afraid of being weak was because he _wasn't_ weak. It probably took more guts to stay calm and keep being nice to an awful kid like me when he did probably want to punch me right in my bratty little face. I wouldn't have blamed him if he had, I'd even _expected_ him to and couldn't understand why he wouldn't, but...he'd always treated me so well. And I'd usually treated him like dirt, and there is nothing else I regret more in my life.

 

"I _know_ that Ven was perfect," Mom says bitterly. "You don't have to keep reminding me over and over and _over_ again that I lost the person I love most."

 

Reminding her? I barely ever mention Dad. "Look, Mom, the point is that you abused me when I was a kid--"

 

"I didn't--!"

 

"YOU ABUSED ME. That's what everyone calls it, because that's what it is, so that's what I'm calling it, too."

 

"You _told_ \--?! WHO DID YOU TELL?!"

 

"EVERYONE. Just assume the WHOLE WORLD knows, okay? They _know_ \--" I grab her before she can do whatever violent thing she'd been about to do.

 

"Let me go!"

 

I have to. This is not what I came here for. "Okay, but--"

 

"Let me _go_!"

 

"I will, but _Mom_ , listen, don't hurt me when I do."

 

"Let GO!"

 

"You can't say you never hurt me, and then hit me the second I let you go!"

 

She stops struggling as much, and when I let her go, I see that she's crying a little. "How could you _tell_ them?! Who?! Aqua? Ella?"

 

"All of them, Mom," I say, suddenly tired. Then, before she can panic, "They've known for _ages_. Mom, I told them when I was a teenager."

 

She gapes at me.

 

"I told them how you'd hit me when you were mad, and then I told them not to do anything about it, because I said you'd never hurt Roxas; but they were still gonna do something, so I lied and said that Ven had cured you or whatever and you hadn't hurt me since we met him. I _lied_ for you, Mom. Again."

 

She's still staring, and she's shaking now.

 

"But of course they've been reading the drafts, and they know the whole truth now; but Mom, it doesn't matter. I'm an adult now, I've got my own life, you haven't touched me in ages. It's _fine_. Whatever you're afraid of, getting arrested, losing Roxas who's all grown up now anyway, it's not gonna happen."

 

"I'm not...afraid...of anything," she says tightly. Which is just as much a lie as when I used to say it. "I can't believe you would _do_ this."

 

"Because it's the truth, and I got tired of keeping it to myself. Because no matter what ugly things my family keeps finding out about me, they still love me, and I don't have anything to hide anymore. And...." It's hard to say it, because I feel like she doesn't deserve to hear it. "It's the same for you. People who love you...will still love you. No matter what."

 

"I wasn't as bad as _Saix's_ mother," she hisses. "She blinded him? _She's_ the monster for doing that to her son, not me!"

 

All this, and she's barely even started the second part of the chapter. "Look, Mom, just finish reading the draft. _Read_ it. Because it's all going into print eventually, and I need you to come to terms with it before then."

 

"You can't print it. This is libel. I'll sue him," she mutters, but her eyes are dropping back to the pages and she's skimming through it again. She winces, probably skips a lot, then her face smoothes and she gets to another Saix part. "Look...look, _his_ mother is completely creepy.... She's the one who made those big ugly scars, isn't she? She did _that_ to him, and you're making up all those lies about me just because I spanked you when you were little?"

 

I roll my eyes and don't point out that a lot of the stuff she did to me wasn't 'spanking.'

 

"I can't believe this...every time, every single time, I--" She breaks off and suddenly stands up. She's staring at me with this wild, terrified look I recognize, and even after all this time, it sends a chill through me. She'll hurt me, just like when I was a kid, unless I'm quick. It's so weird how different we are now, but how just a few pieces of paper can turn us back into what we used to be all those years ago.

 

I stand up and catch her wrists before she can touch me. "Yeah. They know how I got this scar, too."

 

"How _could_ you," she whispers.

 

"Because. It. Happened. I was mad and scared, you were mad and scared, you hurt me, everyone knows, no one did anything, it's _done_. They know, but they haven't come after you, have they? Even Roxas knows."

 

I'm not expecting her to suddenly collapse on the couch and burst into tears. All I want to do right now is just leave, but I make myself sit down and hold her. I have nothing but scorn and disgust for the heartbreak in her voice, but I try to comfort her anyway. "Roxas...?" she moans.

 

"He found out," I say. The memory hurts. "We were going to tell him anyway, but he and Xion found out. By the way, that's what was up with him, back when he was avoiding you and ignoring your calls and stuff for a while." Her sobs get louder. "He got _over_ it. Geez. That was ages ago. He talks to you just fine now, doesn't he?"

 

"How could you tell him?" she wails. "How, _how_ could you tell him...?"

 

It occurs to me that she might not be thinking of Roxas as Roxas...what if she's thinking of Roxas as Dad? We pretended to Dad for almost as long as we knew him; after he died, she treated Roxas almost as if he was a replacement for Dad, someone perfect who would always love her as long as she could pretend to him that she was lovable. Thinking of Roxas knowing her secrets is probably as bad as if Dad had found out her secrets.

 

I sigh and try to make my voice soft. "Can't you just apologize? Can't you just stop protecting yourself for _one second_ and say you're sorry for hurting me? _Please_ , Mom." I hadn't meant to say the 'please.' It just slipped out, and now a few tears are sliding down my own face, too. So annoying.

 

"How could you DO this to me?!"

 

As if she's the victim here. "Mom, get your head out of your own selfishness and _think_. I didn't come here to accuse you of stuff, I didn't come here to get you in trouble, I just...!"

 

We don't get very far, and I finally just give up and storm out.

 

o.o.o.o.o

 

"How did she take it?" Saix asks when I'm at his house that night for another revision session.

 

"How do you think?"

 

He sighs.

 

"This thing on my face that'll never go away, I hide it with the tattoos but it's still _there_ , it's not even the only one, it's just the most noticeable.... After all that, she won't even _apologize_."

 

"She probably has her own share of stories to contribute to this ridiculous book," Saix mutters.

 

It takes me a minute to get it. "What are you, making excuses for her?! She _hurt_ me, Saix! She doesn't deserve you feeling sorry for her!"

 

"I do not in the least feel sorry for her. Yet there's also the fact that...." He eyes me in this weird, hesitant way. "I myself have hurt you quite a bit, Axel, yet you don't seem to have a problem spending time with me."

 

"Geez, you _never_ hurt me, I--"

 

"I've pushed you away more times than I can count. I've insulted you, deliberately provoked your weaknesses, abandoned you, betrayed you; I've been cruel, most of the sympathy I express for your troubles is feigned, I've taken advantage of you--"

 

"Shut up." I don't know what to say, because it's...kind of true. It just...doesn't _feel_ like it. Maybe because most of that was a long time ago and right now, he's softly doomgazing _love_ at me on top of lots of sad things that just make me love him more, so I feel...I don't know. I don't know what's different about it, all the pain Saix has caused me and all the pain Mom caused me. ...Maybe the only difference is that Saix is with me right now, being sorry for everything he did, whereas Mom is who-knows-where, refusing to believe that she even hurt me at all. "...I wish I could doomgaze sometimes."

 

He lays a hand on my arm for a moment and says quietly, "You don't have to."

 

"...I love you, Saix."

 

"I said you don't have to," he says, a little irritated and embarrassed now, and I laugh.

 

Then the front door bangs open and someone comes stomping and yelling toward us. I just sit there for a second, unable to believe that it's really her and she's actually doing this, but Saix gets up perfectly calmly and says, "Hello, Lenore. I would appreciate it if you entered my home more politely so that I could treat you like a proper guest."

 

She doesn't even hear him, she's too busy yelling. "Get out of the way! _Move_!" She comes storming into the study, and for some reason Aunt Ella's at her heels looking distressed, and I haven't even recovered from my first shock and outrage when Mom starts grabbing stacks of papers and ripping them up.

 

"HEY!" I yell.

 

"You have no right!" Mom's yelling at Saix, ignoring Aunt Ella pleading with her to stop. "How dare you write these lies! I won't let you publish this, you _can't_!"

 

"Kindly step away from my belongings," he thunders, doomgazing her so hard that she reels back as if he hit her. But just as I'm about to be relieved, he suddenly turns away, like someone flipped the Off switch on his doomgaze.

 

"I don't want these to _exist_!" Mom shouts, snatching up a handful of papers and trying to smash them into a wad.

 

"Saix!" Why isn't he still doomgazing?! Then I realize it's because _he_ doesn't want the freaking book published, either, and he's just gonna stand aside and let Mom tear up all our notes unless I do something. "STOP, Mom!" I grab her arm, she fights back and hits me, and this sudden huge rage rises up in me and I'm about to deck her, but Saix catches my wrist before I can. "LET GO!" Now I'm trying to hit Saix, I guess because I know in the back of my mind that it's wrong to hit my mom and that Saix can take it better.

 

"LET GO!" Mom's screaming at the same time. She's struggling with Aunt Ella.

 

"Hey!" I forget about Saix, and I swear all I was going to do was try to pull them apart.

 

Mom jerks free before I can reach them and strikes out wildly - her nails catch Aunt Ella right in the face. Ella lets out a cry of pain and stumbles back, falling into Saix's arms. There's a second where we're all utterly silent. Mom looks horrified, and I don't think it's just because she's afraid of what will happen if Uncle Terra finds out. She's just horrified, like she should be, that she hit _Ella_.

 

Saix looks white-faced and shaky, too, even though none of this is his fault at all, and Ella's gasping as she tries to find her balance again, "I'm all right...really, I am, I'm all right...."

 

"You hit my aunt Ella," I say flatly.

 

"I didn't mean it," Mom begs, and for once she sounds like she's telling the truth.

 

"I'm quite all right, I just...." Aunt Ella winces and touches the side of her face where the red scratches are.

 

"Come," Saix says, and his eyes are Shielded up tight as he very gently takes her arm and tries to lead her away to get bandaged up.

 

"W-Wait--" she says.

 

Mom turns away and heads straight for the door.

 

"Wait! Please!" Aunt Ella pulls free of Saix and manages to catch up to Mom in the front hall.

 

Mom's crying. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...."

 

"It's all right, Lenore, dear, please look at me, I--" Ella's so tender and earnest, I don't know _how_ she does it but now Mom's crying in her arms and Ella's soothing her as if she's a little girl.

 

"Get her out of this house," I tell Saix. "Get her _out_."

 

Saix goes over there, but he doesn't touch them and I don't hear him say a word. Mom tries to pull away from Ella and is mumbling something too low for me to hear, edging away from Saix, dragging Aunt Ella with her because Ella won't let go, then Saix actually steps _back_ , but before I can get mad again, Ella's gently steering Mom outside. Saix watches for a while, then finally closes the door in a very careful way.

 

He turns to me, then says in such a toneless voice, and with his eyes still Shielded, so that I have no idea what he's feeling, "This is just one reason why I don't want that book to ever see the light of day."

 

"...It's better if it's published. Please, Saix."

 

"Your aunt is injured."

 

I hate to defend my mom, but.... "Dad...used to do stuff like that all the time. It was like he didn't even care if he got hurt, as long as he could help whoever needed help. Aunt Ella would probably get mad at you for helping her if it meant leaving Mom alone." I scrub my hands through my hair in frustration. "I hate people like that! Are they superhuman or something?! How can they be like that?!"

 

"I don't know, and at the moment, I don't care. We have work to do." He looks distracted, with this strange look on his face.

 

"What's that look for?"

 

"I just...nothing, I just...can well believe that your father was that sort of person."

 

"Huh?"

 

"One of Van's stories...." He shakes his head. "Never mind."

 

"What do you mean, one of Van's stories?"

 

"It's confidential," Saix snaps. "Not all of the stories I've been given will be published in this book, and that story in particular is to be kept secret until Van is ready to share it with the rest of the family. I'm not going to betray his trust, and I expect you to respect that."

 

"...Fine," I say, still taken aback. I know that Saix and Van seem to have gotten along a bit better ever since Xion's wedding, but I had no idea they already trust each other that much. "Hand me a packet, then; let's get started...."

 

Mom's flaming mad at me for weeks; or at least, she ignores me a lot, or sends me angry text messages and doesn't respond to my replies. After a while I just don't hear from her at all. Xion and Saix say they've been able to get in touch with her, but I don't care anymore.

 

One night, I'm at Saix's for more revisions, but I'm so tired that I'm pretty much just dozing on his couch as he types a lot and occasionally pokes me awake long enough for me to answer questions. There's a knock at the door, but I don't care who it is until Saix comes back in and whoever's with him kneels down beside the couch. I crack my eyes open just in time to see her reaching for my face. It jolts me awake and I can't help flinching, but all she does is stroke her hand gently through my hair. "Axel...."

 

"What do you want?" I say, struggling to sit up. I wish I could doomgaze _'Why the heck did you let her in?'_ at Saix, but even if I could, it doesn't matter because he went over to the kitchen and is being unnecessarily noisy making tea. _'I kind of need you here, bro.'_

 

"I...I just...." She takes a deep breath, and grips my hands. I want to yank my hands out of hers and slap her, but I force myself to stay still. "I...wanted to...apologize."

 

No way. "I don't care. Go talk to Saix for research notes; I don't _care_ , I don't need you and I don't want to see you." I stand up. "I was leaving, anyway."

 

She's still kneeling there, grasping a fold of my pants now. _Why?_

 

"Axel...please."

 

"What do you _want_?"

 

She slowly stands up. She can't look me in the eyes, but I can tell she's been crying. I don't care. I don't _care_.

 

"I've been...thinking about it. And...you're right." Her voice gets more and more shaky. "I did...mistreat you...when you were young. I shouldn't have. I'm sorry, Axel."

 

What does she want? _Why_ is she doing this now, when I want absolutely nothing to do with her?

 

"Please forgive me," she whispers.

 

No. _No_.

 

But then I look up and Saix is leaning out of the kitchen, doomgazing _"Accept her apology or you will regret it"_ at me. Not in a threatening way, but as if he really does know I'll regret it if I don't.

 

 _'I don't want to!'_ I try to doomgaze back, but then he starts sending _love, love_ at me and I hate him because he's making me cry when I _don't_ want to cry. I don't want Mom to see, so I hug her, and she starts crying into my shoulder, and I guess I do forgive her and it didn't matter that I tried to hide it from her because I'm crying enough now for her to tell. This is what I'd wanted, isn't it? To have her begging for forgiveness? It's such a relief, but at the same time it feels so unsatisfactory, like nothing she can ever, ever say will ever make up for what she did to me, but at the same time I'd hate her if she didn't do this....

 

It's hard to nurse grudges against anyone when Saix is still doomgazing pure love at me, so I finally give up trying.

 

Mom sounds all choked up as she tries to talk. "I'm so scared...of what they'll think of me...they'll find out all the horrible things I did, and they'll...."

 

"They can't think any worse of you than they already do," I mutter, which makes her cry harder.

 

Saix edges back into the room and sets a tray down on the coffee table. "There's tea," he mutters awkwardly, and goes back to his computer. Mom and I finally sit back down; she pours herself a cup of tea and spills a bunch, and I've crossed my arms and am trying to sulk. We're all quiet for a long time.

 

"H-Has Xem read this book?" Mom finally asks.

 

Xem? Why would she care?

 

"Parts of it," Saix mutters.

 

"Has he...read...the story about me?"

 

"If you're referring to that particular story Axel brought to you a few weeks ago, yes, that is one of the chapters he's read."

 

I can sense Mom trembling. "Wh...What did he say about me?"

 

"About you? Nothing."

 

Mom and I are both surprised. "What?"

 

"Nothing?"

 

"He gave no indication that he'd even read the parts from Axel's perspective. Most of his attention seemed to be caught up in...having a better understanding of what his first wife's relationship with his son was like."

 

This is the first I've heard of it. "When was this?!"

 

"It doesn't matter," Saix mumbles.

 

He's hiding. I go over and pull the keyboard out of his reach and put my hand on his shoulder so he'll look at me. Sure enough, he's upset. "Saix...why didn't you tell me you were gonna let your dad read it?"

 

"He was given the wrong story. I'd meant to get his feedback on a different chapter."

 

"Are you okay?"

 

"Yes."

 

"No, you're not."

 

"...I've never seen my father weep before. It was...uncomfortable."

 

"He _cried_?!"

 

"Just a little. Not about me, you understand. He still misses my mother, and he was...dismayed to find how little she'd trusted him."

 

"What is wrong with this family...."

 

Mom's voice surprises me a little. "You two...really are brothers, aren't you." She's watching us, how close we're sitting, my hand on his arm to comfort him and the way he's leaning toward me.

 

"We've been saying that for _years_."

 

"I just...I just never really understood before now." She takes a deep breath. "No matter what happens, you can always depend on each other."

 

"We trust each other, and we care about each other," Saix says. "We are family."

 

"I'll be brave, then," Mom whispers. "I...I always thought I was alone, but...I'm not, am I."

 

Saix is nicer than me. "There have always been people who care about you and wish the best for you, Lenore." He doesn't say that me and him aren't among them.

 

"I wish I'd known that before now...."

 

It's her own fault for not _seeing_.

 

"Saix," she asks, "could I please...read more of the stories?"

 

"You're not going to like most of them."

 

"I know. Please. I need to see them."

 

"So you can rip them up," I mutter, but Saix goes to get a folder for her, and Mom reads the whole thing that same night. She's upset and crying long before the end, but when we tell her we're not going to take them out of the book, she doesn't fight us. It's weird seeing her like that, like she's given up but in a good way. I don't understand how she can seem so miserable and so relieved at the same time.

 

She even hugs Saix before she leaves. "Thank you," she whispers, then walks out the door.

 

I stare at Saix, but he doesn't seem particularly creeped out. "Better late than never, I suppose," he murmurs.

 

"Saix, Mom _hugged_ you. Of her own free will."

 

"It's convenient that she doesn't seem to hate me anymore."

 

"What do you mean, 'convenient'?! It's not freaky?! Annoying?!"

 

He sighs. "Axel, I will never like your mother, but it _is_ a relief to have her finally treating me civilly."

 

"I mean, I guess, but.... Saix?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"...I can't forgive her."

 

He waits.

 

"I mean...I tried...but I just can't. I hate her too much. One apology can't just _erase_ everything she did to me as if it never happened."

 

"No one is expecting you to forget, Axel. The important thing is simply to let go of it."

 

"Like it's so easy."

 

"It's not. I know it's not. But I keep trying anyway, over and over again, until I can think of it without darkness clouding the memories."

 

Darkness...like poison. Darkness that can take you over, turn you into something else.... We've seen it happen literally, and even now, the thought still frightens me.

 

"You don't ever have to like her," he says, "but try to not hate her."

 

"Fine...I'll keep trying...." There are so many people I care about, I'll just try to love them so much that I have no more time to be angry.

 

A week later, I notice a new folder in Saix's study, in the file cabinet with the rest of our project. It's got Mom's name on it, so I don't look at it, but.... "She really did give you some chapters?"

 

"Yes."

 

"And I bet you feel all sorry for her now and don't blame her for a thing."

 

"Of course not."

 

"...Fine, you still blame her, but you do feel sorry for her."

 

"Read the file yourself if you're so curious," he snaps.

 

"I think I'll pass."

 

"Then stop pestering me about it. Make yourself useful and translate Roxas's chicken scratch for me."

 

"Heh, shouldn't you be used to it by now, after teaching for twelve years?"

 

"Teaching for twelve years is what _made_ me lose all patience for poor handwriting...."

 

o.o.o.o.o

 

One night, Alice and I are falling asleep together when I realize that her hand's on my face. She's touching my scar again, and I hadn't even noticed. How many times since I first started forgiving Mom, since I told Alice the truth, has she caressed it without bothering me? At least three times. Or four. Maybe more, I don't even know; I haven't remembered to count.

 

"Alice," I whisper.

 

"Hmm...?"

 

"I love you."

 

"Love you...too...Axel dear...."

 

I kiss her hair. "Thanks for being patient."

 

"Mm...go to sleep...."

 

I squeeze her in a little hug, then close my eyes and fall asleep within minutes.

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes: **I get kind of tired just thinking about all the obligatory author's notes I probably ought to put on here. Basically...use your common sense, guys. It is not okay to hurt people; and the way things are handled depends on the individual circumstances. And I guess I should add specifically that Axel should _not_ have lied to protect his mother - I was hoping it was clear enough that I wasn't condoning that course of action.**

 

I got the idea for this when YAJJ left a review on _Scars_ , and I decided I wanted to see Axel reconcile at least somewhat with his mother. I actually once, a looooong time ago, considered Axel/Norrie reconciliation for an AU "What if?" story, but I'm glad that it turned out to actually happen after all. It also happened to help with some other subplots and things.

 

I had more OTP feels than I expected while writing this. ^^; I don't think Saix (or Ella) were even in my mental outline.

 

Complete: 4/100


	61. Eighty-seven, ALTERNATE chapter 5 (outtake) {Stepsibs-Axel}

**_Eighty-seven_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic by Raberba girl**

**ALTERNATE chapter 5 (outtake) [rough draft]**

**Teenage Axel**

 

When I wake up, I'm disoriented because it's dark and there was some weird sound that woke me, like whenever that black portal thing opens. I'm pretty sure that evil Saïx is back, but there's more people, too.

 

As I'm squinting, trying to figure out who they are, one of them hurries over to me and throws back the hood he's wearing but I already knew who it was because I could _sense_ his doomgaze beaming at me, I'm reaching out and grabbing him Saïx Saïx " _Saïx_! It's really you?! You're the real one?!"

 

"Axel, what is this?!" He pulls one of his hands out of mine and helplessly pats at the cage thing. "Can you get out?"

 

" _Sure_ I can get out, I've just been hanging out in here all this time for FUN."

 

"Axel...." _distress unhappiness pain_

 

"I'm okay, bro. I really missed you."

 

The other guy's been yelling in the background. Now that my eyes have adjusted and I've shifted my attention, I notice that...he sounds a lot like _me_ , it's really weird.

 

"...so HOW in the worlds is this _okay_ in that unfathomable brain of yours?! Huh?! So if I wasn't a Nobody, if I was still just a human teenage weakling, what am I, your _pet_ or something?!"

 

Evil Saïx sounds almost sulky. "The situation was inexplicable. I had no idea whether he was a version of you or another person entirely."

 

"HE'S ME, DUH, ISA. Some crazy alternate universe version of me, but he's _me_. This is not okay, Isa! This is NOT OKAY!"

 

"My name is not Isa, it's _Sai_ \--"

 

Then I gasp as the guy who looks creepily like me suddenly yanks a couple of spiky hoop things out of _nowhere_ , and they burst into flame and he hurls them at evil Saïx's face. "Wh--! Whaaaa--?!"

 

"Apparently, there are alternate versions of us in another world who are well accustomed to battle," Saïx says unhappily.

 

"Why are there TWO of us?!"

 

"I don't know, Axel. I honestly don't know. We have to get you out of here...." But there's no way out, and we're too distracted watching our other selves fight, anyway. Bad as evil Saïx is, it kind of...scares me to see him and the other me hurting each other so violently, trying to kill each other. Would Saïx and I be like that, if things had been different...?

 

My heart's in my mouth when other-me slumps over, looking exhausted and about to die, and the other Saïx comes flying at him roaring like an animal with that club of his ready to bash his face in. "Look out!" I yell.

 

He suddenly sort of zings, like he's broken past some limit and is about to kick butt. "Don't say I didn't warn you," he says, then he starts hurling even more and bigger fireballs than before. My brother and I are shielding our faces, we can feel the heat even halfway across the room.

 

Evil Saïx finally collapses, unconscious. Or dead. The other me kind of absent-mindedly raises his hand toward me, and he's still glaring at dead Saïx but my cage suddenly disappears.

 

"Axel!" Saïx actually hugs me, and I'm hugging him back even tighter. When I finally look up, I see that the other me has gone over and is kicking the unconscious Saïx, over and over again, his face kind of blank in a scary way.

 

"Hey...hey," I say. He acts like he doesn't hear me. My Saïx is wincing like he's the one being kicked, and for a minute I think he's about to say something, but then he turns away with his shoulders all hunched. I bet he thinks this is all his fault and he's getting what he deserves or something stupid like that, even though the evil Saïx _isn't_ my brother, he's a _totally different person_. My Saïx didn't do anything freaking wrong, so _why_ is he just sitting there keeping his mouth shut?

 

"HEY." I go over to the other me - who's taller than me, which I don't like - and grab his arm. "That's _enough_."

 

"Let go--" he starts to snarl, but then sees my Saïx cringing across the room. "Oh...S-Saïx."

 

"Axel and I ought to return home," he says in a low voice.

 

"Saïx, I-- I'm sorry."

 

"It's _fine_." Saïx gets up, not looking at us, obviously not fine.

 

Other-me goes over and puts his hands on Saïx's shoulders, and when Saïx still stares at the ground, he makes him look up. " _Hey_. Saïx. _You're_ not the one I'm mad at, okay?"

 

"I _know_." _distress pain SHAME sadness_

 

"Saïx, Saïx Saïx Saïx, I'm really sorry, okay? He just-- _Gah_!" He straightens up and ruffles his hands through his hair in frustration. "He's so, _so_ different from when we used to be friends. I don't know what happened! We used to do _everything_ together, we always hung out together and looked out for each other, but it's like the longer and longer we're Nobodies, the more he changes, he...it's almost like he's not even himself anymore...."

 

"It's still no excuse for what he did to Axel," Saïx says tightly. "Nothing can excuse that."

 

"I'm fine," I say quickly. "Okay? Nothing's wrong, I'm fine. It's not your fault."

 

Saïx steps closer to me, still not looking convinced. "Let's just go home."

 

The other me carries the unconscious Saïx, and my Saïx and I walk close together. We go through another one of those portal things, which other-me can open so easily it boggles my mind, even when he fails at trying to explain it.

 

We come out right on our front lawn. " _Home_ ," I breathe, almost crying. I mean, of course I'm not crying, I'm just soooooo happy to be home. "Home, home--!"

 

"Home," Saïx finishes softly.

 

The front door crashes open, and Roxas and Xion come running out like they were waiting for us. I drop straight to my knees and open my arms and Roxas runs right into them, and Xion makes a beeline for Saïx and he scoops her up before she can even hug him.

 

"Ohhhh, Roxas," I say as I hug him as tight as I can, "I missed yoooouuuu...."

 

"Can't breathe! Axel, can't breathe, _ow_ , let go!" he cries, and smacks me, but he's smiling when I do let him go. "I'm glad you're back."

 

Then we sort of accidentally switch kids, Xion tumbles into my arms and Roxas sort of sways straight into Saïx, who hugs him. "Axel, Axel, you came baaaack!" Xion cries in delight, and I kiss her cheeks and hug her as tight as I did Roxas.

 

When we finally notice my doppelganger, he's watching us with such a sad, longing smile that Xion heads straight to him like a bug to a porch light, and Roxas wanders over curiously. "It's another Axel!" Xion says, craning her head back to peer up at him.

 

"Xi," he whispers.

 

"Are you Axel's dad?" Roxas asks, "The bad one who ran away?"

 

The other me laughs and hugs them both as carefully and lovingly as if they're treasures made of glass. "I can't believe it. You guys are _amazing_."

 

"There's another Axel just like there's another Saïx!" Xion stares at the unconscious Saïx on the ground, then at me and the real Saïx, then at the other Axel. "Wooowww.... You're not mean like the other Saïx, though."

 

"You only think that because you haven't seen me at home," other-me says sadly. He gives them a last squeeze and then lets them go. "I wish soooo much that I could take you guys home with me...." Me and Saïx stride forward and grab our little brother and sister without thinking. Other-me laughs. "I only wished. I wasn't actually gonna _do_ it. Ugh, the castle would be a horrible place for kids...it's bad enough even for the kids I _do_ have...."

 

"Kids?" I wonder, super-curious.

 

"He means the other Roxas and Xion," Saïx says.

 

" _Another_ \--?!"

 

"It's a long story, and no, you cannot meet them."

 

"Whaaat?!"

 

The other Axel eventually has to leave, dragging the unconscious Saïx with him. He looks depressed to be going back to wherever he came from, I feel kind of sorry for him.

 

"I wanted to see the other Roxas and Xion," Roxas pouts.

 

"Me toooo!" Xion whines.

 

"Let's go inside," Saïx says, "and I'll tell you all about them."

 

"Really? Yay!"

 

Mom and Xem are both waiting on the porch for us. Mom says, "Oh, Axel" in this relieved way and hugs me for a long time, and it feels good so I let her. Xem doomgazes Saïx a lot until he finally nods in satisfaction and goes back into the house, taking Xion with him. We all follow. Saïx gets something for me to eat as Xem calls Xigbar, Mom fusses with my hair, Roxas climbs into my lap, and Xion steals bits of my food while pretending to be helpful. I'm so, so, so happy to be home.

 

o.o.o

 

Author's Notes: I'm so sleepy....

 

This outtake was an idea I'd had for chapter 5 which I decided did not work with the plot. However, when I tried to discard it, it pretty much wrote itself in my head, so I felt compelled to write it as an alternate version that didn't actually happen. *sweatdrop* I was pretty tired when I drafted it, so sorry if it seems lackluster. :/ I'd written a Snow White drabble earlier today during dinner (and I still have a bunch of partially-typed complete drafts), but short as it was, it still seems faster to draft something new on the computer than to type even a complete story that was hand-written. *sweatdrop*

 

There should actually have been more relatives waiting for Axel & Saïx on the porch, but that would have caused too many character interactions for me to write effectively, so I just pretended they weren't there. *sweatdrop* Xem was "doomgazing Saïx" to ascertain whether it was really his son or not.

 

I spent most of today working on e-mail. I didn't even _answer_ any; the bulk of what I weeded out of my inbox were automated fanfiction alerts, and a few other things either related to real life or that I'd already answered. I cleared out about 150 messages, and probably could have done many times more than that if the OCD hadn't made it such a huge mental struggle. :/


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